Work Text:
A heavy sigh left Ash's lips as he turned under the covers yet again. Hours had passed since his bedtime, but he was nowhere near falling asleep. The comfort of his bed simply wasn't enough, hadn't been for quite some time. The interior of his bedroom in the Pantheon didn't help with those fresh memories. Twenty days spent among cold white walls had provided the man with enough footage to be replayed in his head every time his eyes closed. Like his eyes could close.
I won't fall asleep anyway.
With a frustrated groan Ash sat up. He slid into his shoes and, reaching for his sword kept just next to the bed, easy to grab, he headed for the exit.
As chill air flooded his lungs, the leader was welcomed by the sight of his beloved Regime, lit dimly by the moon. In the middle of the night the terrain was empty, as if during the day that status changed. Maybe except for Tubbo, always fixing the factory or constructing a new vehicle which somehow defied the laws of physics.
Ash's lips curved up slightly at the thought of the Chief Engineer and his creations. He wouldn't dare question Tubbo's loyalty to the Regime, but confusion still seeped into his mind. The nation hadn't been doing well for the past weeks, or months. Why would anyone still be willing to try and keep developing it? A place where no one trusted even the storage system, living off their backpacks instead. A place where even the one in charge of everything couldn't keep a stable life.
How is he still by my side?
That question spiraled through Ash's head as he made his way to the bridge, discarding a sudden thought of going back to his bedroom and getting his hands on a bottle of vodka. Instead, he headed towards the Spawn Island.
Having decided to occupy his mind by balancing on the train tracks, he continued walking leisurely. But soon, his sight started wandering.
Ash looked to the left, focusing on the steady waves reflecting the moonlight. Far away he could recognize a familiar place. To another person it would be just a random point at the surface. Yet to him, that point brought back many memories. Were they old? Not really. But looking at everything that had happened ever since... they were already distant. And for an unknown reason, they managed to bring a phantom beat into Ash's empty chest.
One day, a random spot had become the Assassin Rendezvous. The home to many secret conversations, crucial moments, some idiotic banter when neither of the participants was in the mood for serious talk.
The place where Ash had become Ewron's Assassin, and Ewron — Ash's Blade.
The man let out a snort at the thought. Their titles existed, yet Ewron always described himself as an assassin, and Ash had spilled the blood of the North in the past. It didn't make much sense. But in the end, did any part of their relationship actually make sense?
At the Financial District, as expected, not a single soul could be found. Ash took the time to wander around the empty streets, taking in the lack of ever-present chaos which seemed tied to the area. Whether it was someone stealing an entire building again, the KFC having its millionth opening, or another place being destroyed in a fit of rage. He looked around and his gaze landed on the Casino, redirecting his thoughts back to the panda boy.
Ash couldn't help but admit that he could use a peaceful conversation with him. But in what world wouldn't Ewron be sleeping at that moment, given that it was the middle of the night?
I won't go look for him just because I can't sleep...
Yet, even after dismissing the stupid idea, he couldn't get the guy out of his head. Talking to him sounded very convincing, but Ash wasn't going to go out of his way just to speak with Ewron. However, a different idea popped into his mind.
He walked up to the nearest waystone and manifested his destination, preparing for a few seconds of dizziness caused by teleportation. Soon, he appeared among the beautiful lavender fields of Prawdziwa Polska 2. He dismissed the fact that, while he tried to get his mind off of the panda, his subconscious led him exactly to the place where that guy was probably resting at that moment. But it was just because the smell of lavender might relax him and finally let him sleep. Right.
Ash continued his stroll through the fields, inhaling the beautiful scent of his favorite flowers. He stopped at the grave of Grzegorz to pay respects, familiar with the feeling of losing a child. His legs led him to the area of Ewron's house.
But there, to his surprise, he saw the hybrid on the ground.
Ewron was lying on the grass among the blooming lavender, nodding his head sluggishly from side to side. The tip of his fluffy tail was coiling calmly, panda ears curled back. He looked so peaceful.
Ash noticed Ewron's chest rising and falling rhythmically, yet he knew that the man wasn't sleeping. As he took a step in the grass and saw the hybrid's ear involuntarily twitch in his direction, he realized that Ewron was aware of his presence. In fact, he didn't seem to mind it at all, not moving from his comfortable position. Ash felt another phantom beat in his empty chest at the thought.
Why does he make me feel like this?
The man's mind was interrupted by a well known voice.
"You're not asleep? It's like 3AM, way past your bedtime." Ewron's eyes were closed, but his ears perked up, waiting for an answer.
Ash scoffed at the mention of his bedtime, the panda had a tendency to keep track of it from what he had noticed. "No, I was just tossing and turning," He tried to ignore the memories which kept him from sleeping in the first place. "And why are you awake? You're always the first one to find a place to sleep after it gets dark."
His question was met by an annoyed sigh. Not directed at him though.
Ewron opened his eyes and turned his head towards Ash, silently inviting him closer. "I am. But tonight my brain just... wouldn't, kurwa, shut off. I thought the smell of lavender would help, but no."
Ash noticed the tip of the hybrid's tail lashing to the sides in irritation. He almost cracked a smile at the sight. As he sat down next to where Ewron was lying, he made sure not to break a single flower.
"That was my idea too, you know?"
Ash also had a lavender place. The Pondering Palace. But at some point he stopped associating lavender with his own haven. No longer saw it as just his favorite flower. Unknowingly, he started connecting it to Ewron and his safe space.
Maybe it was for the better? Because, was it really unexpected that between the place where a distant sign blamed him for his daughter's death or the area full of coziness and nice animals, he preferred the latter? In the end, Prawdziwa really did seem objectively better, especially with Ewron's comforting presence.
Comfort. A feeling Ash chased more and more each day, something he craved every time his unpleasant memories didn't let him sleep. For some reason, what he couldn't create among the walls of his own bedroom, he found right there. In the very place around him, the very moment in time, the very person lying next to him among the flowers he loved.
But what was it about the hybrid that soothed him so much?
"If you lie down, the lavender smell is stronger, you know?" Ewron's voice broke the silence that had fallen between them, making Ash twitch as he was snatched out of his mind. "Damn, you seem really lost in your head."
Ash shook his head. "It's nothing, just late night thoughts."
He reclined, immediately noticing how close he was to the other man when he felt his fluffy tail brush against his leg, probably on accident. It didn't stop another false heartbeat from appearing.
"Mm, whatever you say."
Yeah, Ewron didn't believe him one bit. At least he didn't push for an answer.
Ash didn't even know if he had an answer. He never fully understood what was between them, only recently he decided to call it a heart bond, satisfying his own sanity a bit by at least giving their relationship a label. Yet he still couldn't trash a memory from that one time he had tried to name what they had. And he remembered perfectly how his mind went blank.
What title would even fit them? Friends? Far too blank. Lovers? Stupid, Ash barely knew what love even was. Then what? What do you call a relationship where someone dedicates their life to you while barely knowing you? Where you forgive them for killing your daughter? Where they sacrifice a part of themselves to ressurect said daughter? Where you let them have your literal heart?
Is there even a way to name what they have? Is a human mouth capable of uttering a word that would fit?
"Hello, Earth to Ash. Are you even listening?" Ewron looked to the side and noticed the disorientation in the other man's body language. "Of course you're not! Oh my God."
"Sorry, I'm really lost in thought."
And for some reason unable not to think about you when we're so close to each other.
"Whatever, care to share what you're thinking about so much at least?"
At that request, Ash could feel a slight burn creeping up his neck. The glitches covering the upper half of his face started moving unnaturally as well, making the man turn his head away from Ewron, hoping he didn't notice.
However, the grin he could hear in the hybrid's voice proved otherwise.
"What, is it too personal to share?"
"Shut up, stop..." A quick response left Ash's lips while he tried to calm down the glitches.
The panda, once again reminding the other of his confidence, didn't, in fact, stop. Instead, he propped himself up on one elbow and used his free arm to reach and hook two fingers under Ash's chin, angling his face towards him and turning the purple and black mess covering his eyes into pure chaos.
Ash couldn't stop a quiet, shaky breath from escaping his mouth. He didn't understand a thing anymore, even when thinking about his own feelings. In the current situation, he managed to mutter one question.
"What are we, Ewron?"
For a second those words made Ewron freeze. It was safe to assume he didn't expect anything of that kind. Telling him to fuck off and go away seemed more likely. Yet he was quick to respond, visibly curious.
"What do you want us to be?"
"You think I know? You sacrificed a part of yourself for me, I let you have my heart, do you have any idea what we could even call it?"
Silence fell between them again. But Ewron was the first to break it.
"Ash, what do you think about me? Truly, without leaving anything behind."
Hesitation stopped Ash for a moment, but after putting some thought to it, there wasn't going to be a better time for this. So, looking anywhere but at the person in front of him, he spoke his mind.
"Whenever I think about you, I'm confused. You basically offered yourself to me while barely knowing me. You call me weak, yet, whenever anyone else does, you suddenly say the opposite. When I fuck up, you have every right to leave, yet you stay."
Ash finally managed to look at Ewron, only to see him staring back. Waiting, listening, understanding. So he continued.
"I don't know what we are or what we possibly could become. I don't understand it. I'm only learning what different relationships are like, I'm only starting to understand what a family is supposed to be. But when I look at you, I become happy. I am ready to forgive you for unspeakable things, like I did for what happened to Ghosty. When I'm close to you, I feel a beat of the heart that I don't have. When I'm close to you, I feel comfort. And I crave comfort."
After Ash was done, he felt his chest become much lighter, content with the fact that finally, after some encouragement, he could collect his thoughts from all over the place and put them together into two statements.
The entire time he was talking, Ewron stayed silent. He let the other speak his mind fully, knowing that the man didn't understand what any of it could mean. He decided that it was only fair if he helped him understand.
"Ash, do you know what love feels like?"
Ash sheepishly shook his head, a bit embarrassed that he didn't actually know. Only then did he realize what Ewron could be implying. His mouth opened, but closed again after a few seconds, glitches starting to race. All those emotions, phantom beats of the lack of a heart in his chest. The entire time, was it love?
The panda noticed the subtle movements, and he knew. He shifted his weight slightly, pulling his fingers away from under Ash's chin, but leaning a tiny bit closer to him.
As all the dots were connecting in Ash's head, he felt Ewron's tail sliding over his leg, a movement which seemed to ground him and muffle his racing thoughts, preventing them from becoming too overwhelming.
In that moment Ash noticed just how close Ewron was to him. His breath hitched, lips slightly parted. The hybrid's eyes were observing him carefully, watching for any signs that he should give the other some space, letting him know that he had all the time in the world to make the decision. And he showed no signs of wanting to stop what was happening.
Ash noticed Ewron leaning a little closer until he could feel the soft breath against his lips. A hand moved onto his cheek, claws resting against his jawline. He heard the panda speak up one more time.
"May I?"
With no second thought, Ash responded. He wanted this.
"You may."
A second later he felt the other's lips against his, moving slowly, cautiously, like he was making sure it really was what he wanted. After an initial shock Ash added the uncertain movements of his own lips, trying to figure out how it was done. The kiss was slow and exploratory but, at the same time, full of emotions and care. He let Ewron guide him and show him what to do, repeating what he was doing and trying to get the hang of it.
Accompanied by the strange pounding in his chest, Ash's glitches were going wild over the upper part of his face, making him think what the feeling of them was like to another person, and whether it was unpleasant. He felt the hybrid react, slightly changing the way his mouth was moving when the purple and black marks became especially chaotic. But it didn't seem like a bad change, quite the opposite. Ewron seemed to enjoy it.
Finally, they separated with a sigh, both of them taking deep breaths. Ash, realizing he was so stunned that he didn't move his body at all, reached his arms out and wrapped them around Ewron's neck.
"Are my glitches not a problem?" He asked, still not fully sure whether it was pleasant for the other.
Ewron's lips curved up, baring his canines. "No, they are amazing. Like soft electricity going over my face. I love how they feel."
Ash tilted his head to the side in confusion. "You love it?"
The hybrid reacted with a proud "mhm", only further reassuring the other man, who responded with a quiet laugh.
Ash slowly pulled himself up, changing into a sitting position with his arms still around Ewron. The panda looked at him with softness in his eyes, happy with the fact that the other was getting used to that kind of affection.
With that in mind, he leaned in a bit once again, testing whether the man was fully comfortable.
At the movement Ash focused fully on Ewron again. He was slowly growing more and more familiar with all that was happening, so as he saw the other lean in and stop right in front of his glitched face yet again that night, he was more confident than the previous time. Ash's hand moved to Ewron's cheek, thumb slowly moving over one of the two darker marks he had on his face coming down from his eyes' area. As he felt the hybrid tilt his head, leaning into his gentle touch, he slowly connected their lips again, starting the second kiss himself.
He felt the corners of Ewron's mouth rise against his, revealing that he was content with Ash taking the lead. And since the dark-haired man had caught up on the technique a little by that moment, he let the kiss become deeper. His lips were moving more naturally, not trying to follow the other's movements anymore, inventing his own rhythm instead.
Their bodies moved closer, their chests pressing together. Ash let his mouth open a tiny bit, brushing the other's lower lip with the tip of his tongue, earning a subtle hitch of breath as Ewron parted his lips and tilted his head further. Ash moved his free hand and dug it into the hybrid's ginger hair, pausing right behind his folded ears. Right then, Ewron stopped caring about controlling the deepened breaths leaving his mouth and let the man listen to every single one. In return, the messy glitches intensified against his face, providing him with the nice tingling feeling of soft electricity.
When Ewron was standing on his boat in the very spot that Ash had given some thought to during his earlier walk, the hybrid dedicated his life to him. In that moment Ash became Ewron's Assassin. In that moment Ewron became Ash's Blade. Yet neither of them expected a simple cooperation and common plans to turn into them sitting in their fields of lavender, kissing in the middle of the night. When the panda took Ash's heart and kept it safe in his exclusive space, neither of them expected the heart to ever belong to Ewron not only literally, but also as a metaphor of love.
Ash's body leaned forward, moving Ewron onto his back and lying him down onto the grass while bent over above him. With more confidence, he parted his lips wider and let his tongue brush over the hybrid's canines. But before he reached his tongue, hesitation made him pull away.
After Ewron's eyes opened, his confused gaze was met by Ash's voice.
"Ewron, can you be mine?" He asked the question quietly, like he was afraid despite knowing what answer he was going to get.
The panda smiled softly, his eyelids relaxing to a point where they were half-closed. "Ash, I've been yours since I dedicated my life to you," His voice was soft, reassuring. Yet there was a question to be asked back. "But can you be mine as well?"
Ash's breath hitched with those words, his body already buzzing with happiness and the phantom pounding in his chest only getting stronger.
Yes, please.
Yes, fucking, please.
"My heart belongs to you. In both ways. I'm yours as well, Ewron."
And I always will be.
With that confession Ash connected their lips again, the earlier hesitation absent. He brushed his tongue over Ewron's, both of them drowning in the kiss, knowing they were entirely each other's. The words fully sinking in and the feeling of their mouths moving together spread warmth over Ash's body and wrecked it delicately with subtle shivers. As he felt Ewron's tail wrap around his waist, he deepened the kiss even further and tangled his fingers in the hybrid's hair, earning a quiet whimper.
He felt a clawed hand grasping his shoulder before Ewron parted their lips, moving both his hands onto his cheeks. Ash was panting quietly.
"Ash, how about we stop here?" As Ewron saw his lover's head tilt in confusion, he clarified. "As much as I want more, I don't want you to do too much in the heat of the moment and regret it later."
Ash's head lowered slowly in shame.
Right.
He nodded sheepishly.
"I'm sorry, I-" He was silenced by a quick, soft peck.
"Shut the fuck up, don't apologize for this."
Ewron's sudden change of tone made Ash chuckle.
The man rolled over to the side, making both of them lie on their backs. But only a few seconds later he felt the fluffy tail curl over his legs. The hybrid turned onto his side and cuddled into Ash's shoulder, making him turn over himself and secure their position by wrapping his arm around Ewron's waist.
"I'm glad I chose a walk instead of getting drunk in my bedroom." Ash exhaled with relief.
"You did? Kurwa, if I were to make that decision, I'd be wasted right now."
"Probably. But I might have a drinking problem."
The panda hummed. "Then I'm proud you chose to come here."
"I'm proud too."
Ewron got into a comfortable position and closed his eyes. "Liege wie?"
His voice was met by a quiet chuckle and Ash burying his face into his hair.
"Liege wie."
With those words, lying on the grass with his lover, Ash finally found the comfort he was craving.