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You curl further against yourself on the metal floor, pulling your knees closer to your chest. There's faint red tears on the ground near your head where it's resting against the ground but you can't bring yourself to wipe them up. You instead continue to weep uselessly on the ground. Why, you ask yourself, Why of all people can I not ever catch a fucking break? You sniffle up the snot running down your face and scrub at your eyes. Your respiteblock is silent besides your sobs and you really hope no one's passed by recently because you really don't want to explain why you were locked in your room another night. You left Dave on the couch in the middle of movie night. He fell asleep on you again. You were selfish. You kept your hand on his shoulder even after he'd fallen asleep. You let it drift down to his arm, his ribs, and his waist. You're a selfish asshole for carding through his hair while he slept and smiling to yourself when he sighed softly in his sleep and curled up more in your lap.
You were almost done with the movie. It was one the two of you had seen so many times before, you knew the script by heart. And it didn't surprise you to hear people walking around, even at the hour you were awake at. You heard the familiar sound of Terezi's cane against the ground and watched her round the corner. You wave at her and smile slightly, watching as her head tilts ever so slightly. You watch as her gaze goes from you, then to Dave. Then back to you.
You watched her frown slightly.
She never returned your wave, either.
Your hand slowly fell to your lap. You stopped your hand in his hair too. You just sat there unmoving, even when you felt Dave shift slightly against your hand again. If anything, you pulled your hand back quickly and froze. He whined and part of your heart cracked. Slowly, you closed your crabtop and stood up holding it under your arm. You tried to ignore how you saw his eyebrow crease and the corner of his mouth downturn a little as you walked away. You sped up until you were unaware you were already at your room. Your eyes already burned from tearing up and desperately rubbing them so nobody would see you cry. Not the disgusting color of your tears or even the repulsive sounds of you breaking down in real time.
You had shut the door so hard you felt the metal through your fingertips. With whatever remaining composure you had you set your crabtop on the ground before fumbling with the lock to your door with shaky fingers. Once the click echoed throughout the room you let out a shaky breath. Then another, and another, and another- until you were breathing so hard you hiccuped. You cried, sobbed, ugly. You let the tears soak through your sleeve until it didn't hurt to rub it against your eyes anymore. Or maybe it was because you didn't have enough strength in your small body to try and rub them as aggressively. The back of your sweater stuck to your spine uncomfortably and you pulled it over your head in-between sniffling up snot. It was sweaty against your skin and maybe you shouldn't wear a shirt under it. Well, you've always worn a shirt under your sweater. Though it was different every time it was Dave's.
You never told him you took his shirt, or anyone really. It was your little secret. You had snuck it out after he fell asleep during another movie night. You remember how the lights had been dimmed down, computer included. You were in the middle of You've Got Mail! when Dave's head lolled over on your shoulder. He'd taken his shades off long ago, but it was still a sight that made your bloodpusher beat faster. He somehow always managed to pull a smile out of you. Your sweater was itching again. You eyed to double check if the door was closed before carefully maneuvering Dave off of your shoulder and pulling your sweater off. Searching his floor, you grabbed a shirt off of the ground. It was one you hadn't seen him wear much because he always complained it was too big for him. You'd always thought that shade of red was pretty on him.
It never really suited you. Red was a color that couldn't go well on you. You always kept Dave's shirt tucked deep under the collar of your sweater every time you wore it, imagining anything to justify or maybe even give you hope “this” could go somewhere. Those thoughts were always stupid.
You didn't even realize when you woke up, truthfully. Your whole body aches and there's a crust in your eyes that's yet to be wiped away.
It took you too long to pull yourself together and you still needed to get your book back from where you left it in the food block. The halls of the meteor were vaguely quiet with midday activities. There weren't really many people on the meteor after all. You passed by the common room, spotting Rose and Kanaya reading at the table together. You smiled politely but your heart aches just a little at the sight of Kanaya's hand on Rose's thigh. You wondered if you'd deserve that one day. You continued through the hallway and heard the familiar voices of Dave and Terezi, with the Mayor, probably. You recognize her laughter easily and his anywhere. You peek your head in and see them in Can town, Terezi scribbling on the wall in chalk and Dave balancing more cans for a further expansion into the downtown. He had been mumbling to you a day to so ago about how he was going to add more to it so there could be a ‘nightlife’ and stuff for the cans to do. He had kept rattling on about how he had all of these projects he wanted to do with you and the Mayor.
Dave turned his head around and caught a glimpse of you sneaking behind the entryway. He turned fully your way while Terezi continued talking, holding eye contact. He was about to say something before you dashed off.
You didn't find your book in the meal block, which, after your day being shitty as is, was pretty fucking shitty. You made your way back to your room and didn't even stop when you heard someone call out your name in the halls. You slam your door closed again and sink to the floor for what seems like the fourth time this week. Your claws prick through your sweater sleeves and you dig them deeper before panic flooded your system and you pulled your arms away from yourself before desperately checking for any actual pricks in your skin. You always wished you could claw off your skin and let yourself bleed out. You always thought about doing that but you've always been too spiteful. You settle for climbing into the pile in the corner of your room and not leaving for the rest of the day.
You think about all the time you and Dave spent in Can Town. He'd be turned away from you and you'd stop to just stare at him. Gaze, even. He'd turn back around and you'd act like you weren't just admiring him. Asshole.
“Hey, TZ? Have you heard from Karkat today?” Terezi whipped her head around with a grin. “Ohhh? And why are you so worried?” You lightly push her back a little playfully, but god you really don't want that tongue anywhere near you right now. “Jeez, bug off. It ain't like that. I'm just wondering if you know where he is. I saw him earlier, y'know, when we were in Can town? He just fuckin’ scurried off.” She just grinned more. “All I saw after that was you looking all sad he'd run off.” You scoff and start making your way out of the room. “Whatever, I'll see you at dinner.” She waves back at you like a toddler. “Cya, coolkid!”
You end up walking aimlessly through the halls. He's probably in his room. Though, based on his reaction earlier and that you also woke up alone (weirdly) on the couch the other night you have a feeling he might be in one of his moods. Knowing him, he also may need a little time to wallow before he's ready to talk or else trying to talk will only make him want to blow his shit smooth off. Instead, you walk leisurely to your room. Once you close the door you kick off your shoes and land on your bed. You pull Karkat's book out of your sylladex and open it. There's notes he'd written in the margins you can tell are from him based off of the blocky handwriting. You smile a little. Ok, more than a little. You start from the beginning and pause occasionally to read his notes. You swear you'll give back his book… Well, maybe once you're done.