Archive of Our Own

Fuck you??

“Die.”

You die first! 

“You will have to kill me yourself, Parasite.”

I’ll do it! Don’t think I won’t! I’ll take us both out, right here and now, I swear I will! 

Shen Qingiqu sits at his desk, examining reports of the demonic activity near the border and talking to himself. To any Disciple who walked in the door, it would appear that the Peak Lord was speaking idle threats to no one, with no tension in his frame, his focus largely on the papers in front of him. It would have appeared very odd, if anyone ever entered the Bamboo House without Shen Qingqiu’s explicit permission. 

“Do it then. Fall to violence and admit that your only defense is the base rule of demons and beasts.”

Fuck your mother! How dare you!! I am the only one arguing in good faith here! If anything, I am being forced into violence by your refusal to listen!

“There is no point in listening to arguments of no merit.”

Asshole!! 

“This Master will select the next book and that is final.”

Yet another slog with characters so dull that I’ll weep tears of blood! Do you want that? Explain those stains to your disciples!

“An actual novel. With any sort of plot at all. As opposed to yet another treatise on some obscure creature hardly even worth the effort to name—”

A sound cuts through the argument. Cultivator hearing really is no joke. Even from here, Shen Qingqiu can hear the sound of a hesitant knock on the Bamboo House’s front door. 

This isn’t over, Shen Yuan hisses. He doesn’t have to whisper, of course, being a voice in Shen Qingqiu’s head, but it fits the moment. As Shen Qingqiu straightens up and collects himself, Shen Yuan settles back into the role of spectator. That hesitant knock indicates to him a disciple, almost definitely Ming Fan, delivering some unexpected news that needs Shen Qingqiu’s personal attention. The last one had been a full on brawl breaking out between a few senior disciples over some drama that no one had been willing to explain to their Shizun. That had been an interesting afternoon. 

“Enter,” Shen Qingqiu calls out. He doesn’t stand up, of course, because he’s all about little power moves like that. 

The door opens, and then shuts. Instead of Ming Fan, or any other disciple, in walks Yue Qingyuan. He’s smiling, as he always is when he’s allowed into Shen Qingqiu’s house. It’s rare that Shen Yuan doesn’t see him smiling, these days. 

“Zhangmen-shixiong,” Shen Qingqiu says, standing up. “To what do I owe the surprise visit?” There’s a barely-there lilt to his voice, the tiniest pull upwards on his lips. Shen Qingqiu does not break so easily though, and that’s all he lets come through. Shen Yuan respects the grind! Controlling expressions is hard work! Leaning on a resting bitch face won’t save you forever. 

“Ah, nothing so urgent. This one found some moments to spare, and wished to see his shidi.”

“He has seen much of him, of late.”

What is this, the third visit in two weeks?

The fourth. There was that brief encounter—

Oh right, right, near the fish pond. Almost forgot about that one. 

Do not interrupt me. 

Shen Yuan rolls his non-existent eyes. 

“Call it making up for lost time.” Yue Qingyuan is almost laughing as he says it, standing there with his arms behind his back. The power of childhood friends, finally breaking through a horrible misunderstanding, is truly something to behold. Who could deny the respect, care, and admiration Yue Qingyuan expresses for his martial brother? It shines bright enough to be blinding! 

Shen Qingqiu sighs. “Insufferable. Wipe that look off your face, it’s embarrassing.” He stands up, heading towards the kitchen. “Since you’re imposing, you must be demanding my tea as well.”

“If my shidi insists…”

Tea passes in polite fashion, lit by warm afternoon sunlight. Shen Qingqiu is a little stiff, but Shen Yuan’s pretty sure that’s him not being used to actually having a pleasant conversation with anyone, nevermind a guy he hated until far too recently. Yue Qingyuan is happy to pick up the slack, chuckling and responding to little jabs with good humor and some hints of sarcasm of his own. The Bamboo House, usually sterile and cold, fills up with positive feelings and good vibes. Shen Yuan basks in it, happy to sit shotgun and be an appreciative audience. There will be drama and pain for these two later! He sees no reason for everything to be miserable before the plot kicks down their doors. Even the System seems to agree, content to respond when called and otherwise sit idle. Let things be nice in the meantime! 

So of course it all goes to shit. 

It starts off innocuously. Yue Qingyuan goes, “Ah, I don’t know if you have received it yet, but invitations to the Tian Yi Overlook’s yearly festivities have arrived.”

Shen Qingqiu grimaces. “I have.”

That letter had gotten tossed as soon as he saw who sent it, Shen Yuan recalls. There’s no need to read it. They’re precisely the same each year, the same as the damned event itself. 

Apparently, Tian Yi Overlook keeps abreast of the Cultivation World by inviting most of it to a grand party every year. Not everyone from every Sect, of course, just most everyone from most sects that anyone gives a shit about. It’s the very definition of a schmooze-fest, the sort of thing fancy business men throw for each other to affirm how fancy and important they are. 

Yue Qingyuan laughs again. “No need for such a grim face. My shidi will be pleased to hear that I’ve decided to take on the burden of the event alone this year.”

Shen Qingqiu doesn’t laugh. It takes Shen Yuan a second to realize that the little bit of lighthearted tension in his mouth is entirely gone. “Oh?”

Yue Qingyuan either doesn’t notice the change in demeanor or is happily unafraid of it. “Of course. You’ve said yourself sending the Sect Leader and the Second Peak Lord was more than the occasion was worth for years. And with the Immortal Alliance Conference on the horizon—”

“You think it prudent to cut back on socializing with the hosts of the upcoming event, on neutral ground?”

His mouth clicks shut. Yue Qingyun is still smiling, still in good spirits, but he’s noticed the shift now. “For a year or two only. Once the Conference is nearer, it will of course be prudent to connect with Huan Hua Palace. But it is only on the horizon, not yet arrived to meet us.”

For a guy who literally tossed the invitation in disgust, Shen Qingqiu sure isn’t reacting like getting off the hook for this party is good news. “So Cang Qiong Mountain would insult Tian Yi Overlook for only three years in a row, then act as if no insult had been given, just before the Conference.”

“A Sect Leader attending is no insult.”

“A change is always examined for its worst possible explanation. Unless you see fit to provide a reason for my absence.”

Struck in the mode of audience member, eagerly eating metaphorical popcorn and dissecting the drama onscreen from a safe distance away, it takes Shen Yuan until this moment to realize why Yue Qingyuan wouldn’t be eager to have Shen Qingqiu traveling off the mountain with only a retinue and the Sect Leader himself on hand.

“It is only prudent to—”

“To imagine that I could be taken by the same tactic twice? Shen Yuan is held, as he once held me. I have said, again and again, that he took me by ambush. He will never have another opportunity.”

Ah, also, I gave up? Willingly? And don’t wanna die???

“He adds that he is the one who was persuaded and sees no reason to renege on that decision.” 

Yue Qingyuan’s face gets stiff, as it always does when Shen Qingqiu reminds him that Shen Yuan is present. Which, okay, he can see why he wouldn’t be thrilled, but it’s not like Shen Yuan can do anything about it either! All three of them are stuck in this shitty situation until further notice. He continues, “Be that as it may, surely it would be best to take certain precautions.”

Shen Qingqiu’s teeth clench. “Are these the new terms of my imprisonment? Not freed, but only given a larger cell, more length on the chain?”

Okay, hang on, that’s really aggressive. 

He would keep us both trapped on the Mountain for as long as it takes to remove you from my body.

Damn it’s hard to argue with that. Cang Qiong Mountain isn’t exactly a claustrophobic location, but the idea of being stuck here until the Immortal Alliance Conference—

Wait. Shit. Why would he let Shen Qingqiu go to the Immortal Alliance Conference at all, if he’s worried about Shen Yuan yoinking control back and running off? Hey, System, quick question, is he still on the hook for making the plot happen?

[Luo Binghe must be thrown into the Abyss by his Scum Villain Teacher!]

FUCK!

Exactly, Shen Qingqiu replies. He must’ve sensed the spike of panic, even if he can’t hear Shen Yuan talking to the System. 

“Qingqiu-shidi.”

Shen Qingqiu blinks, and Shen Yuan realizes that Yue Qingyuan has been trying to get their attention as they talk amongst themselves. 

“Please,” he says, voice smoothing out into its controlled concern, “this one only wishes to ensure that— that your prisoner is not simply biding his time, waiting for an opportunity to strike. It has barely been a month since I discovered you had been taken by an imposter wearing your face.”

Shen Qingqiu actually scoffs. “So my word means nothing to you.”

“Shidi—”

“I am attending this event. I will accept the invitation myself. If the Sect Leader of Cang Qiong Mountain forbids it, let him do so publicly.”

Of course, he would never! To do so would be as good as admitting the Second Peak Lord is in disgrace, or infested with demons, or an embarrassment to the Sect, or any number of horrible things that gossip hounds can invent in their heads. The worst, most damning sort of vague post, the thing that takes you from the Internet Main Character of the Day to the Annals of Internet Firestorm History! 

And yet, despite all that, Shen Yuan sees Yue Qingyuan thinking about it. Shen Qingqiu must see that and more, tension gathering all over his body. As if the moment Yue Qingyuan hedges at all, he will bolt directly out the nearest open window, damn all consequences. 

“... very well,” he says, after too long. Surrendering. “Then we have arrangements to discuss.”

The tension doesn’t release. Shen Qingqiu doesn’t trust like that. Shen Yuan wants to argue, to convince him he’s being ridiculous, but he can’t find the words. He doesn’t know if he believes it either.

Oh god, this is going to suck. 

Carriage rides are, it turns out, way bumpier than Shen Yuan expected them to be. Apparently shock absorbers are a very modern invention, and before that you just felt every single little pebble and pothole on the road. The wood creaks, and everything sways, and it’s only made worse by the fact no one has said a single word for hours now. He is dying! He is actually shriveling up into a husk! Soon all that will be left inside Shen Qingqiu’s head is the man himself and a bit of spare dust!!

Can’t you at least talk business? Shen Yuan wails. This is worse than torture! I am begging on my knees here!!

Let him speak first, Shen Qingqiu hisses, spitting like hot oil on a stovetop. I have nothing to say to a patronizing fool. 

Shen Qingqiu glares out the window, staring at the landscape as it passes by. Occasionally a rider from the retinue trots past, exchanging who watches the rear and leads the front. If there’s a strategy or goal to it, Shen Yuan doesn’t know. It’s a pretty even mix of Qing Jing and Qiong Ding colors, but he was busy arguing with the System while the details were being hashed out. 

In his new role as Shen Yuan, Wayward Spirit, he has very few quests and even fewer B points. Hints and Aids suddenly have ridiculous, out of reach prices, even with his very large stockpile. Despite that, the System insists that Luo Binghe must be pushed into the Abyss by his Scum Villain Teacher, no ifs, ands, or buts!

Shen Yuan isn’t too concerned about Shen Qingqiu doing the deed when the time comes. He’s been true to his word about ignoring the kid, but that’s it. Resentment and disgust still boil up whenever Shen Qingqiu lays eyes on him. In some ways, it makes Shen Yuan respect him more for keeping his promise. In others, it makes Shen Yuan want to smack him until he sees sense and stops being so weird about a teenager that hasn’t even done anything wrong! But either way, that resentment, mixed with the reveal of his true demonic heritage, will be more than reason enough to get Shen Qingqiu to fulfill his role in the narrative. 

And once that’s done, Shen Yuan can freely advise Shen Qingiqu to get the fuck out of dodge! Because despite the System being about as helpful as a Cable Company’s phone tree, he did manage to drag something out of it. There are no mandatory quests after Luo Binghe gets pushed into the Abyss. The plot opens up once the Protagonist has his Golden Finger! There are myriad plot devices and escape hatches he can use to give Luo Binghe the ‘dead body’ he wants, while he and Shen Qingqiu get away clean.

Literally all of them require Shen Qingqiu to get his ass off the mountain, alone, for extended periods of time. Which they can’t do with Yue Qingyuan breathing down Shen Qingqiu’s neck!

That isn’t even getting into the Everest Sized speed bump in Shen Yuan’s plans that is ‘oh, wait, the Sect Leader will lose his entire shit if Shen Qingqiu dies, won’t he?’ The protagonist could handle anything at the later stages of his rise to absolute power, but at the point in the timeline he would take his revenge… there’s a reason the Great God Airplane saw fit to never have them face each other head on, after all. 

If Shen Yuan is going to construct this story in such a way Luo Binghe gets all the power and glory he deserves, and Shen Qingqiu escapes, and Yue Qingyuan doesn’t go on a terrifying roaring rampage of revenge, he’s going to have to get to work now. The sooner the better! And the only place to start, the obstacle that must be cleared first, is getting Yue Qingyuan to trust that Shen Yuan isn’t going to steal his Shidi’s body.

… Again. 

Fuck.

Your thoughts buzz like flies over spoiled meat, Shen Qingqiu says. 

Shen Yuan scowls. Or, he would if he had a face. Flattering. You know, I’m pretty much only thoughts now! If you think about it. What have I done to earn such a nasty comparison?

You have earned it by matching it. 

Shen Yuan rolls his imaginary eyes. I am trying to think of some way to get us both through this party without it being completely miserable. Clearly, this lowly one faces the task without even a single ally. 

The carriage jolts over a rock, but Shen Qingqiu compensates for the motion like he’s been doing it all his life. He hasn’t, so he must’ve practiced it somehow. Or he’s ridden in a lot of carriages as a Peak Lord. Your enemies are many in this war. Tian Yi Overlook is its own hive of scheming insects, probing for any hint of rot or blood to engorge themselves upon. 

Gross, Shen Yuan says. 

Swatting them away is impolite, of course. And useless, as they always come crawling back. The single recourse we shall have is that we are not the only ones invited to their feast. Every Sect and Clan in the region joins in, flitting about and searching for any small advantage they can, any weakness, any connection. 

Yeah, yeah, I know these kinds of parties. Shen Yuan never had to really dive into the deep end of them, thank fuck, but he saw the mind games, the displays, the business cards getting thrown around like confetti. If you keep your head down and act boring—

A rich young master from a lesser known family is afforded anonymity that Peak Lords of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect are not. 

Ah, well, when he puts it like that… But for some reason, Shen Yuan still thinks that’s a cop out answer. How boring have you tried to be, Shen Qingqiu? Because he suspects that being boring is way more difficult for you than it is for say, Yue Qingyuan, who has perfected a perfectly bland polite smile that seems to repel gossip and intrigued like the opposite pole of a magnet. 

And Tian Yi Overlook isn’t even your most ardent foe. 

Oh? Who’s that, exactly?

Shen Qingqiu directs his eyes, and therefore Shen Yuan’s gaze, at Yue Qingyuan. He’s not looking out the window. He’s looking directly at Shen Qingqiu. Not outright staring, exactly. More like he’s gotten lost in thought while looking in their general direction. Sitting directly across from them, it would make sense. The only other places to look are out the window and up at the ceiling. Except, Yue Qingyuan’s eyes meet their combined stare when Shen Qingqiu glanced over. He did not move anything except his eyes to do it. Yue Qingyuan caught the motion anyway. 

A second later, he smiles, acting like he’s made eye contact by mistake. Shen Qingqiu glares, but does not look away first. Yue Qingyuan does after another moment, turning to look out his own window. 

He will never leave my side, Shen Qingqiu says. As if I am a scolded child, or a danger to my Sect’s standing left unsupervised. Others will notice. They will whisper. 

Somehow, I get the feeling you don’t actually care about what random assholes from other sects think. 

Shen Qingqiu exhales slightly through his nose. I do not. But that only makes being forced to listen to them speak even more infuriating. Miserable, as you described it. He shifts, leaning away from the window, sitting up straighter in his carriage seat. I have presented to you your battlefield, and your enemies. Tell me, how would you prevail? What is your strategy?

As if Shen Yuan ever actually had to play these social games in his entire life! Watching the expert in action does not actually impart any skill upon their audience! But Shen Yuan refuses to be so pathetic he gives up immediately, at the very first hurdle. He said he’s trying, so he has to try. 

If being boring and uninteresting isn’t an option, he says, thinking as he speaks, then you will simply have to beat them at their own game. Be the best, most interesting party guest, leave them scrambling, wondering where their easy, irritated target went.

Ah, only that.

Come on, you said yourself they’re idiots. How hard can they possibly be to impress? Just be mysterious and above it all, you’re good at that. 

Shen Qingqiu must not have a counterargument, because he moves on from the subject entirely. And what of your other foe? The far more dangerous one?

Shen Yuan twitches towards control of Shen Qingqiu’s eyes. Of course the door is still closed, stopping the impulse dead in its tracks. But Shen Qingqiu must feel something, because his gaze drifts back to Yue Qingyuan, still innocently looking out the window. 

The same, he says. Be the best, most model party guest. Let all the opportunities to run off and make trouble pass me by. As if you would ever let me take any of them to begin with. If words don’t reassure him, actions will have to take their place. 

Hm. Shen Qingqiu says. Simple. Flexible, but simple. We shall see how this scheme holds when it makes contact with the enemy. 

Give me a break! It’s not like I’m a Qing Jing Strategist!

Not yet. Perhaps I will be able to carve one out of you, given a long enough time to work. 

Yeah, sure. Thanks, but no thanks! Shen Yuan has seen what you consider an education and wants no part in it!

“Shidi?”

Shen Qingqiu looks up.

“We have arrived.”

Shen Yuan will give Tian Yi Overlook this. They know how to throw a party. 

It’s got a whole theme going. Birds, flying high above their highest peaks. Shen Yuan is sure there’s supposed to be some symbolism, but he thinks it's mostly there to justify having crazy impressive… trained animals? Illusions? Something flying over their heads. In the gardens and banquet halls, birds of all shapes and colors and sizes flit about, chirping and singing, but never cawing or screaming. Also, never shitting on anyone, which seems like a big win for the Illusions argument. Shen Yuan knows pretty illusions like this exist, a few Wives were seduced by them, and one was even an expert on crafting them, but none of them came from Tian Yi Overlook. Illusion arrays are more Huan Hua Palace’s thing, aren’t they? Perhaps they work on commission. 

It isn’t just the birds, though. The whole courtyard is done up with twisting vines and branches, giving the birds plenty of places to perch and sing from. The vines are dotted with small, light blue flowers, the color of Tian Yi Overlook, and a pond in the center garden has a tall, thin tree sprouting from it, strung up with Night Pearls. Most of the birds are gathered there, singing along with performers on beautiful, but unobtrusive, instruments. It’s the very definition of a classy get together! The real, high end sort of shit! No cheap fairy lights or awkward DJs here! Only the very best for the elite of the Cultivation world!

Shen Qingqiu is glaring at it all like it's made of shit and garbage. Or, maybe he’s looking at everyone gawking at it like they’re ooh-ing and aah-ing over shit and garbage. It’s hard to tell, even from Shen Yuan’s angle. They had dinner, speeches, all the formalities, and now it has finally come to the portion of the evening when everyone gets let out into a pretty place and told to go nuts. The Mingling Has Begun. 

Shen Qingqiu and Yue Qingyuan are parked next to a wall, very obviously not mingling. They aren’t even parked by the crafts table. Not that there is a crafts table. What kind of fancy rich party doesn’t have an open buffet, honestly?! It’s ridiculous. 

Remember how I suggested being a model party guest? This is not being a model party guest. 

Shen Qingqiu grunts. Out loud. In a room full of cultivators. Shen Yuan shrivels up and dies a little bit!

Yue Qingyuan does not react. He isn’t doing much of anything except standing next to Shen Qingqiu and smiling. It’s honestly kind of unnerving and Shen Yuan really wishes he would stop. 

This is a disaster, Shen Yuan moans. 

Be silent, Shen Qingqiu hisses. The vultures approach. 

The ‘vultures’ being cultivators, of course. Shen Yuan doesn’t recognize their insignia, but their robes are darker and slightly shabby in a way that screams minor border sect to him. They approach with big smiles and hungry eyes, the sort that Shen Yuan can see an elevator pitch scrolling behind even as they make introductions. Skip ad, skip ad! His soul screams for a skip ad button as they talk, steering the conversation away from pleasantries with all the subtlety of a car crash. 

“And perhaps, should the Heavens smile upon us, sympathetic Sects could provide funds for longer, more profitable expeditions into the Demon Realm—”

“To send inexperienced, desperate fools into the maw of the Southern Jungles?” Shen Qingqiu says, flatly. 

The point man, the guy doing all the talking, blinks like he forgot Shen Qingqiu was even here and has been unfortunately reminded. “Ah, of course, we would only send experienced, well equipped warriors, who know the Demon Realm as well as the backs of their hands!”

Yue Qingyuan smiles like a brick wall given a face. “Cang Qiong Mountain will occasionally offer support for such expeditions,” he says. A banal statement of fact, not giving him anything one way or another.

“Yes, yes, so generous and intelligent, to enable younger clans to rise, and aid humanity in its war against the demons!” The second guy chimes in, like a total fuckin toady.

Don’t make a dig about War, Shen Yuan leaps in, before Shen Qingqiu can speak. 

Then has War finally broken out? Perhaps while I was locked in a basement, demons and humans declared it officially. All Kingdoms, and all Sects, simultaneously, in open conflict at last. 

Yeah, he’s a fucking idiot. Not like it matters. They’re getting the total runaround; Yue Qingyuan is barely even bothering to make polite noises at him now. Just stand here looking intimidating and they’ll slink off in a few moments!

It takes. Much longer than a few moments. But the annoying bastard does eventually run out of things to say and leave. He retreats back, briefly leaving his toady behind until the loading screen finishes and he scurries off after him. 

Shen Yuan is about to say ‘see, that wasn’t so terrible!’ when the next round of cultivators take the opportunity to approach. Three, this time, a trio of beauties (not any wives Shen Yuan recognizes, but the descriptions did get vaguer as the word count ballooned into absurdity) sliding forward and making smooth, friendly small talk.

Very friendly small talk. “Shen Yuan can smell their perfume through Shen Qingqiu’s borrowed senses” level friendly small talk. There’s only one reasonable course of action for a mental passenger to take. He ducks down, deep as he can go into Shen Qingqiu’s mind. It’s a spotty technique, not especially effective, but it can buy him some badly needed distance from the outside world. Shen Yuan has no interest in seeing through a famous lecher’s eyes, even if looking is all he does. No thank you! He’ll take sensory deprivation over this conversation!

Coward, Shen Qingqiu hisses. I will not be left alone in this. 

And then the bastard somehow reaches down into the murky depths Shen Yuan is trying to hide in and pulls him up, like he’s a kid getting yanked out of a swimming pool. 

The fuck?! 

“— so talented,” one of them croons, edging way closer than is appropriate for this setting. Shen Qingqiu has his fan up practically to his eyeballs. He’s leaning back, like the only thing preventing him from hitting a forty five degree angle is his pride. 

Tell me how you would respond to this, Shen Qingqiu says venomously, as you are so sure it is easy to be a model guest. 

Ah, um, just— just say something about Qing Jing Peak demanding the best! Shen Yuan spits out. That’s a good, neutral thing to say, isn’t it? 

“A Peak Lord of Qing Jing should, at the very least, be talented.”

Bro! Bro that is not what I said!! At all!! 

The woman doesn’t seem to care, at least. She giggles in a rehearsed, calculated sort of way that immediately sets Shen Yuan’s metaphorical teeth on edge. Is subtlety truly dead? Is it too much to ask for a basic attempt at actually listening to what is being said? If you have designs on marrying someone, you should be able to hold a conversation with them! Or at least offer up some interesting plot hooks!

“And you are certainly more than simply talented!” The woman says, still contriving a way to lean in even closer. Contact is barely avoided, thanks to a cultivator’s balance, but it's a near thing. “A truly Peerless Immortal, standing amongst the very best of the generation.”

Shen Qingqiu’s jaw clenches. Ah, ma’am, you’ve made the classic blunder! Either he’s taking that as a slight, ‘amongst’ the best instead of simply ‘the’ best, or he thinks he’s being patronized. Badly. Whatever her intention, there’s no salvaging this conversation now. It’s deader than a kindly mother in a flashback arc. Shen Qingqiu straightens up, suddenly, and snaps his fan shut with a violent crack. 

She doesn’t flinch, to her credit, smoothly sliding back like it’s a natural bit of body language instead of a blatant retreat. “A dazzling thing to behold, for a cultivator of this one’s level. She forgot herself, in her excitement.”

Oh thank god, an out. Take it! Just take it, for both our sake’s!!

“...” Shen Qingqiu says, instead of all the horrible things that surely are trying to leap out of his throat right now. After far too long a moment, he drags out, “it is. Understandable.”

Shen Yuan dearly, dearly wishes he could facepalm. He wants to more badly than he’s wanted anything in both his lives. 

The conversation limps along into small talk after that. It’s genuinely painful. Though, the pauses give enough space to see what Yue Qingyuan is going through, and it's somehow worse. If Shen Yuan thought he was walled off before, this is a whole new level. The poor beauties knock on the door, but no one is home. The lights are out and the shelves are dusty, continuing to speak is less than useless. They are either bound and determined, or totally blind. Both seem equally likely. 

Do you think they’ve worked out who’s going to be first wife? Or are they going to duel for that right once they’ve seduced him?

Shen Qingqiu’s jaw tightens even more. Shen Yuan didn’t know it could do that. Ah, tough crowd! Why such an intense reaction to a dumb joke?! 

Eventually, Yue Qingyuan manages to beg off, using the most polite of dismissals. The women forge off into greener pastures, hunting for husbands. Shen Yuan wishes them luck, truly he does! In this Stallion Novel world, with the Protagonist decades away from harem collection, they’ll need all the help they can get. 

Once again, the Cang Qiong Mountain cultivators are by themselves, against a wall. At this rate, they won’t have to worry about anyone approaching. Who would dare get close to such social pariahs?

Well tonight’s a bust, Shen Yuan thinks. Time to hunker down, ignore everyone, and deal with the reputational fallout as it comes. Wave the white flag! GG, everyone, GG!

Shen Qingqiu grimaces behind his fan. Accepting defeat so easily is unbecoming of Qing Jing Peak. 

Notably, he doesn’t keep talking. It’s unbecoming, but he’s gonna do it anyway.

There’s a freeing feeling, to being on the wrong side of a total fuck up. The pressure is off now. Shen Yuan experienced this indulgent sense of release many times in his previous life, marinating in the hedonism of missing the deadline and having no choice but to let it all slip away. Ah, what a return to the bottle. Peerless Cucumber never was good at resisting his vices. 

An illusory bird swoops overhead, trilling out a melodious call. Shen Qingqiu’s eyes track up towards it, purely on instinct, and that motion reveals one last party of suckers making their way towards their little isolated corner. Not border sect pan handlers or desperate husband hunters, these. Their uniforms are silver, accented with shifting embroidery, catching the light like water flowing over rocks. It’s high quality craft, the sort that screams Rich, Rich, Rich, even louder than entire bars of gold and crowns of jade. Shen Yuan finds himself raising a metaphorical eyebrow.

In the same breath, Shen Qingqiu stiffens up like he just got kicked in the balls. 

Who’re they? Shen Yuan asks, as the group of four approaches, practically gliding across the open floor, men on a mission. He has a few ideas, of course. Most Sects with that kind of money showed up in Proud Immortal Demon Way eventually, but there were a few options, and anything this early in the timeline is a little unclear. Luo Binghe wasn’t exactly keeping abreast of Cultivation World Politics while he was getting the shit kicked out of him by his peers and teachers. 

The Shining River Sect, Shen Qingqiu replies, spitting out the title like it tastes terrible. 

Aaah, right, these guys! A very late addition to the story, deep into Luo Binghe’s reign as the Emperor of Three Realms. Shen Yuan remembers them well, because he wrote no less than six paragraphs detailing what hack bullshit it was for this elegant, rich, powerful sect with an old grudge against his former Shizun to show up and offer support. A blatant ass pull, deus ex machina to the extreme, and as if the Protagonist ever needed such narrative handouts to begin with! Shen Qingqiu had been dead for decades at that point! Why wait so long to express their appreciation for taking him down, huh? Were they watching for the perfect moment??

Either way, it makes sense for Shen Qingqiu to be unhappy to see them. 

You know, I bet you could make it over the wall before they get a single word out, Shen Yuan says, Element of surprise. Gone before they even know what’s happening! 

It’s a stupid joke. Shen Yuan finds himself making a lot more of them these days, with only an audience of one to worry about. More often than not, Shen Qingqiu ignores him.

But this time, Shen Yuan can feel the gears turning. Is that what Shen Qingqiu meant, when he chastised him early? It’s weird, like hearing the hum of a loud conversation through a closed window. What on earth is he thinking about so hard? Surely he isn’t actually about to flee into the night? Yue Qingyuan would chase right after him! It would cause a scene! 

Just as Shen Yuan is working up the nerve to ask, and as the Shining River cultivators reach them, Shen Qingqiu speaks. Not out loud, but to Shen Yuan. 

A failing strategy must be adjusted. 

And then he fucking yanks on Shen Yuan, like pulling him out of the depths, but even higher, all at once, crashing him into sensation and breathing and weight and blinking—

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!

Returning to unfiltered physical sensation after a month of faded, distant half-feelings is so overwhelming it leaves Shen Yuan reeling. The lacquer of the fan, the weight of the fancy robes, the smell of the trees and flowers, the sound of birdsong, the chill breeze on his face— too much input! Way too much! If Shen Qingqiu hadn’t already been holding his fan over his face, Shen Yuan would have looked like he was trying to catch flies with his mouth. His whole brain screeches under the onslaught. 

Unfortunately for him, a fan is a two-dimensional object. It’s flat, and therefore useless at blocking multiple angles at once. His shocked, completely OOC expression is hidden from the Shining River Sect. It is not hidden even a little bit from the most dangerous guy in the room.

Yue Qingyuan stares at him. Shen Yuan can’t bear to look, to see how obvious he must be, suddenly freezing up like this. Fortunately and unfortunately, Yue Qingyuan doesn’t get time to react before the Shining River Sect fully arrives, wearing the smuggest, most infuriating grins Shen Yuan has seen in a minute. 

“Sect Leader Yue Qingyuan, and Peak Lord of Qing Jing, Shen Qingqiu,” the guy in front says, bowing politely and not a single centimeter more than that. “What a delightful surprise! It is a rare treat to catch Cang Qiong Mountain’s illustrious cultivators together. So often you are separate, conversing with other Sects. Fortune must smile upon us.”

There’s a half second pause in the conversation, where no one says anything. Shen Yuan knows, instinctively, that Yue Qingyuan should have stepped in to fill it. Some deflection, or a laugh about the idea that it’s that hard to catch Yue Qingyuan and his own second in command in the same room together. But he doesn’t. He’s too busy staring at Shen Qingqiu. Blatantly, obviously, like he’s seriously considering doing something drastic right here and now. 

Shen Yuan can’t let that happen. On top of everything else, the plot still needs to stay on track, and if Yue Qingyuan is a total pariah, then Cang Qiong Mountain’s place at the Immortal Alliance Conference could be called into question. Not to mention the humiliation would make Shen Yuan puke up all of Shen Qingqiu’s bones. He needs those for Protagonist Pushing!!

“The Heavens are gracious,” he says, coolly, but also in a way that means less than nothing. “Does the Shining River Sect have business with Cang Qiong Mountain, or is this a simple conversation among peers?”

For the record, Shen Yuan thinks at Shen Qingqiu, this is fucking stupid and we’re both going to die when Yue Qingyuan kills me!!

That won’t happen. And don’t divide your attention.

The main guy’s smile goes fixed. “Ah, that is what I have always admired about you, Lord Shen. So direct. No pleasantries or guile, only the quickest route to the point. What better way to speak to your peers?”

 He says peers like he’s got an asterisk on it. Ah, great, one of those. 

So does he think you’re an upstart, or does he suspect you weren’t born the Filthiest of Rich?

Shen Qingqiu doesn’t reply, which means both. Shen Yuan adjusts his attitude accordingly. 

“Efficency is respect,” he says. “To petition another to spend their time- even to an immortal, it is a dear price.”

Shen Yuan hopes that sounds wise enough. Fuck, he should have some quotes at the ready. Everyone in these novels is always throwing poetry quotes around to show off how smart and educated they are. He gets a few of those in rotation, and no one will ever doubt him. 

Except for one man. 

“In fact, Zhangmen-shixiong and I had a matter to discuss privately,” Shen Yuan says, making eye contact. “So perhaps a more involved conversation could be saved until a more auspicious moment?”

For an agonizing second, Yue Qingyuan just stares at him. Shen Yuan can see the mechanism moving at breakneck speeds, having more thoughts in that half moment than Shen Yuan has had in two lifetimes. Please bro, please hold off on freaking out for two seconds! Just until we can talk alone and you can knock some sense into this asshole leaving me in the lurch!!

“What moment is more auspicious than this?” Main Asshole replies. “Surely there is no urgency. It is a party, meant to connect us all from across the cultivation world! Expose us to each other, our talents and our trials. And, perhaps, to smooth over difficulties before they require more than a few friendly words over wine.”

… okay real quick, tell me if you did something to these guys. If you don’t tell me, it’s entrapment! 

Shen Qingqiu scoffs. I did nothing. They took offense to an imagined slight. I responded in kind. 

Specifics bro, I need specifics! 

“—sn’t that right, Sect Leader Yue?”

Oh, fuck, right, the world doesn’t pause while him and Shen Qingqiu talk to each other. Now Main Asshole is looking at Yue Qingyuan expectantly, waiting for him to finally chime in. Shen Yuan knows instinctively that Yue Qingyuan’s grace period is about to run out, and if he doesn’t speak right now that this is going to go from slightly awkward to a scene. 

“... It is better,” he says, still looking at Shen Qingqiu, “to resolve conflicts with words. Contracts, if words are not enough, and only after contracts have failed should swords be brought to bear.”

Ah, that feels pointed, doesn’t it? Practically a threat. “Zhangmen-shiziong is wise,” he says. Look, he agrees! He wants to talk too! Please give him a chance to explain himself!!

“Very wise, indeed, for a Cultivator so young,” Main Asshole says. “To have ascended to such lofty peaks, and brought your generation up alongside you, it speaks well of Sect Leader Yue, and his late Shizun.”

A flare of murderous anger hits the door between them like a wave of heat, hot enough Shen Yuan almost yelps. Damn, okay! Aiming right for Shen Qingqiu’s most intense insecurities, and the newness of the Qing generation, all at once! Now that Shen Yuan looks, Main Asshole has that strange, otherworldly quality to his features that comes from being young for a long, long time. The Qing generation ascended barely 15 years ago. Cang Qiong Mountain Sect is the glittering jewel of the Four Great Sects, and while the Shining River Sect is no slouch, it is too remote and removed from the world to gain entry into that most exclusive of clubs. Not as respected as Tian Yi, not as powerful as Cang Qiong, not as rich as Huan Hua. The only stand out quality they had in Proud Immortal Demon Way was the fact they kept their heads down long enough to stay that way once all the other Sects were burned to the ground or hollowed out into shells of their former selves. 

Laid out like that, Shen Qingqiu probably did say something cutting, and these guys with already bruised egos decided to make it a lifelong grudge. Such petty drama, planting a seed like that. What is the world coming to?

“We benefit much from the strength and talents of our forebearers.” Shen Yuan flutters Shen Qingqiu’s fan. “As all great cultivators do. What is cultivation if not a long chain of knowledge, with each generation forging new links?” Before anyone can comment on the fortune cookie level bullshit Shen Yuan just spouted, he snaps the fan shut and says, “forgive this Master, but it appears the conversation has wandered away from the original point. Does Shining River have business with Cang Qiong?”

Main Asshole is getting a weird look now. It takes Shen Yuan a moment to place it, but he does in the end. It's the look some jerk gets when you completely no-sell his carefully selected insults. Confused, mostly, like the button didn’t activate the toy in the correct way. Ah, unfortunately for you dog blooded morons, the Insecure Scum Villain is not on the phone right now! He can take a message, but that’s all you’re getting! Go bother someone else!!

“... of course,” Main Asshole says. “But perhaps this night is not the time for such discussions. If all parties are not eager to speak, what use is there in talking?” He looks to Yue Qingyuan. Expecting a rebuttal, maybe? Or some attempt to smooth things over, regaining the conversational foothold. 

Yue Qingyuan does not give it to him. “There shall be time in the morning,” he says. “Before we all take our leave.”

Ah, what a brutal dismissal! Barely a step above ‘email me about it later’!

Main Asshole scowls. “Very well. In the morning, then. Should we still wish to speak to Cang Qiong, of course. There are many other Sects and Clans who would wish to confer with the Shining River.” He bows, the lackeys flanking him bow, and then he swirls off in a ripple of expensive silks. It almost covers up how he’s stamping away in a huff. 

Leaving them alone with Yue Qingyuan. Awesome. Just what he wanted!

Shen Yuan slowly turns to look out of the corner of his eye, and— yep! As he feared! That fucking terrifying smile is back!! Oh how he did not miss it!! “Ah!” Shen Yuan says, his mouth leaping ahead of his brain, “before you say anything, please know I am not doing this, and in fact would really prefer to stop!!”

“Return. Control. To my Shidi. Now.”

The terrifying command hacks Shen Yuan’s brain, and he tries to switch their spots. He rattles the metaphorical doorknob, bangs on the imaginary wood, and calls out all sorts of creative expletives and insults. Shen Qingqiu is completely unmoved. 

I will take control again once this ridiculous event is over, and not a moment sooner. 

That won’t be for hours!! Shen Yuan screams, and he barely has time to process Shen Qingqiu’s confusion over what the hell an ‘hour’ is before Yue Qingyuan has stepped into his personal space. 

“I— I can’t?” Shen Yuan says, holding the fan up between him and the rest of the room. It blocks off some of Yue Qingyuan’s expression too. From the outside, they look like they’re whispering about super secret sect business. That’s gonna draw its own sort of attention, but right now Shen Yuan is doing his best! “Believe me when I say I am trying! He’s blocking the door between us, as I did with him, but— in reverse? Somehow?”

“Do you think I am a fool?”

“Do you think I’m a fool?! What sort of idiot body snatcher would take control, in public, standing next to the guy that caught him the first time!?”

That… actually seems to give Yue Qingyuan some pause. Good! At least he hasn’t totally lost his sense!

“And aren’t I still here, still speaking to you, not even trying to pretend to be Shen Qingqiu?! What’s more likely, that I’m trying to do some weird convoluted bullshit plan that somehow ends with me escaping without you hot on my trail, or that Shen Qingqiu hates this party so much he’d rather hang out in the back of his own head than deal with small talk?”

“...” Yue Qingyuan’s expression is still frozen in his threatening smile, but he hasn’t moved. The gears are still turning, even if Shen Yuan has no clue what direction they’re moving towards. 

Another approaches, Shen Qingqiu notes. Either leave or prepare for more conversation. 

Shen Qingqiu must’ve been paying more attention to what Shen Yuan was hearing than he was. A glance to the right reveals a woman coming over. She’s dressed in a bright orange, but practical fit, the sort of thing that says ‘I’m a martial sect and don’t want you to forget it, even during a party’. Of course, all Amazon Types fawn over the Stallion Novel protagonist eventually, but in the meantime, this looks like a stern, no nonsense sort of person. 

Yue Qingyuan follows Shen Yuan’s gaze. His face moves again, the smile falling into a stony neutrality. It says a lot that it’s a relief!

… tell him, Shen Qingqiu says, that I am letting you watch my corner. And that it is my corner to leave in your hands. 

Shen Yuan would mentally sigh, and say something to the effect of I really do not appreciate being used to pass messages I don’t understand! But he turns to Yue Qingyuan and says, “He says he’s letting me watch his corner. And that it is his corner to leave in my hands.”

Yue Qingyuan’s expression doesn’t change. He locks eyes with him, like he’s trying to look through Shen Yuan, to see directly into that murky place in the back of Shen Qingqiu’s skull. But as the woman in orange robes gets closer, Yue Qingyuan nods, just once, and straightens up. 

“Ah, Lady Wu,” Yue Qingyuan says, turning the diplomatic charm back on like a lightswitch, “It is wonderful to see you again.”

Thank god! I’m not dead! 

The night is not over yet, Shen Qingqiu replies, settling in to watch. 

Yue Qingyuan wields charm like a pro. So much so, that more people approach, and their lonely little section of wall becomes its own hot spot of socializing and conversation! Coincidentally, this boxes Shen Yuan into a literal and metaphorical corner, constantly being pulled into discussion and unable to leave, even if he wanted to! They ask questions, and so ‘Shen Qingqiu’ must answer. Dusting off the Shen Qingqiu act isn’t exactly effortless, but he isn’t going for perfect accuracy here. Perfect accuracy would mean being a total asshole, or awkward, or an awkward asshole! Shen Yuan settles into playing off of Yue Qingyuan, making idle observations, and occasionally staring at someone until they realize what they said was fucking stupid. It seems to work! At least, for a bunch of strangers. 

But at long last, the birdsong peters out into nothing, the instruments are put away, and all the Cultivators retreat to their private guest quarters, spread throughout the grounds. Shen Yuan keeps waiting for Shen Qingqiu to take control back, but he doesn’t. Even when the door is shut, and the privacy talismans activated on their shared suite situation, Shen Qingqiu watches from the back of his own head. 

Yue Qingyuan stands in the middle of the room. “Shen Qingqiu.”

Shen Yuan jiggles the metaphorical knob again. Still locked, or held in place, or whatever. “Ah, apologies, he’s still not—”

“I am aware,” Yue Qingyuan says, firm as stone. “I am only… speaking directly to him.”

A faint acknowledgement, the feeling of listening, is the only response Shen Yuan gets. He figures it's still better to shut up and sit this one out.  

“Shidi, you have more than made your point. Shen Yuan is well in hand. He had several opportunities tonight to attempt escape, or sabotage. He took none of them. At the very least, he understands his situation. And you have demonstrated your control over your… circumstances.”

AKA, the weird body sharing/possession clusterfuck.

“This one humbly apologizes for his transgression, for underestimating his Shidi.” And he bows, lower than Shen Yuan has ever seen him. “Please, accept it.”

For a long moment, nothing happens. 

“Please,” Yue Qingyuan says, his face hidden by his bow. “Please.”

It’s less violent this time. The door opens, Shen Qingqiu walks through, and Shen Yuan quickly retreats to that murky, formless place. Sweet relief! He will always prefer being in the audience to being in the middle of the drama.

“Stand up already,” Shen Qingqiu says, “you’ve apologized. Cease to belabor it.”

Yue Qingyuan snaps up, taking in Shen Qingqiu’s scowl and completely shifted body language. But, the wave of relief never comes. Instead, his hand twitches, reaching for something in his robes.

Shen Qingqiu stops the motion with his fan. “You know the Burning Gold Bronze won’t work. Not without the entire array to expose him.”

“I— I know.”

“Then stop.” 

“It— it is not so simple, I—” Yue Qingyuan swallows. “The fact that I missed it the first time at all, and now, he knows so many secrets, he could—”

Shen Qingqiu huffs, and then like it's not even a thought, draws Xiu Ya and holds it to Yue Qingyuan’s neck. 

… UM!?!?!? 

“I could slit your throat right now,” Shen Qingqiu says. “Or in the night, while you sleep. Or at any time you come to the Bamboo House alone. When your guard is down, I could easily poison you with any number of powders or tinctures.”

Yue Qingyuan is frozen solid. He looks at Shen Qingqiu in… that can’t be anticipation, can it? Shen Yuan must be seeing things, in reaction to how fucking insane a turn this just took. 

“Do you live in fear of this? Do you lie awake in bed, listening for intruders? Do you test every cup for poison?” Shen Qingqiu scoffs. “No. Paranoia wears on you, Zhangmen-shixiong. You are inexperienced in it.” He removes the sword, sheathing it almost flippantly. 

“... how do you trust him?” Yue Qingyuan says. 

“I do not,” Shen Qingqiu replies easily. “I know Shen Yuan and his circumstances. We have an understanding. Now,” Shen Qingqiu glares at him. “Do you believe me, or not?”

A long, long pause. “I do.”

“Good.” 

Then, right when Shen Yuan is starting to relax, Shen Qingqiu pulls him up into the driver’s seat! Like some sort of busted elevator, down then up then down again!!

“Qingqiu—?!” 

“Dude?!”

Talk to him, Shen Qingqiu says. Give him your word. Unless he hears it from you, idiotic doubts will linger, and he will seek to imprison us both again. 

Augh, well, when you put it like that… Shen Yuan really doesn’t have a choice, does he?

“He… wants me to also give my word, directly to you. Which, for the record, I feel I already have? I said I was returning Shen Qingqiu’s body to him, and I did! But— if a promise would help, then—” He takes a breath, then lets it out. “I, Shen Yuan, do swear on my family name that I will never take Shen Qingqiu’s body from him again.” A pause. “If he forces me to take it, though, there’s nothing I can do about that!”

Yue Qingyuan stares at him, long enough Shen Yuan almost feels the urge to squirm. Damn it, he’s gotten worse at holding a blank face! Too long not having a face at all will do that, apparently. 

“... Very well. I accept your oath, Shen Yuan."

“Thank god.” Shen Yuan mutters. “Can I please go back inside no—”

Literally mid word, Shen Qingqiu switched them out again. 

Bwuh?!

Hmm, Shen Qingqiu thinks. This may be useful. 

To Yue Qingyuan, Shen Qingqiu says. “There. Is this sufficiently resolved? Am I trusted to maintain my own prisoner, as I see fit?”

“Yes,” Yue Qingyuan says, with a small, yet earnest smile finally beginning to emerge on his lips. “Qingqiu-shidi clearly has Shen Yuan well in hand. I will leave his imprisonment… and parole, to you.”

Ah, so the lazy days of being purely an audience member are behind him, then? Damn. It was nice while it lasted. 

Still. This seems pretty interesting, at least!