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Lena was good at damage control. As a scientist, she was no stranger to failure. It didn’t put her off when things blew up in her face for the umpteenth time; she simply knuckled down and tried again. As a public figure-whose family was constantly trying to commit mass murder or something- maintaining her public image and the image of her company was a constant effort.
It wasn’t until Kara that she really felt like she was out of her depth. Lena was no stranger to trauma; she understood that Kara struggled- often much more than she let on- but when it got bad, the world was truly hopeless. Lena was powerless against a super-powered alien on a mission of self-destruction.
She hadn’t seen Kara in more than three weeks. She had no means to contact her- a small mercy when she thought about it. She almost didn’t want to know what she was doing. But the images she conjured in her head did not give her rest either. She reached out to Clark and Alex embarrassingly frequently when Kara disappeared. She never checked her phone as often as when Kara went on an off-planet bender. They were both understanding; they worried about her too. Clark called Lena whenever he got in contact with Kara to give her a quick reassurance that “of course she’s fine! Why wouldn't she be!”- which was less than convincing- and a name of a planet she had no way of reaching anyway. He offered to call Kara with her so she could talk to Kara herself once. He was nervous when he offered, like he wasn’t sure it was a good idea either. She refused immediately. Kara didn’t reach out to her, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to see what she was up to.
Alex became her reluctant best friend when Kara went away. She brought her lunches and invited her out and Lena accepted because seeing Alex worry was validating. It was comforting to see that someone else saw the danger in Kara’s behaviour and that she wasn’t overreacting.
Three weeks was the longest she had ever been away. Birthdays were hard for Kara. They reminded her of all the people that weren't there to celebrate with her, and it reminded her that she was still alive, that she had survived. The first birthday Kara celebrated with her, Lena hadn’t known it was her birthday until Clark called. She hadn’t mentioned it, though she had been more distracted and more mopey than usual. That first year she hadn’t run away, she took refuge with Lena and it made her heart swell with love and hope and made her feel like she could help, could fix this. They were new and the novelty of it was enough of a distraction for Kara. But a year later, it wasn’t enough anymore. She hadn’t announced she was leaving, just packed and bid Lena a quiet farewell. And Lena was used to it, she knew what it meant as Kara stroked her hair and pressed soft kisses to her face. All she could do as her vision darkened and her heart kicked painfully in her chest was try to keep breathing. She didn’t know how to make her stay. Hadn’t been able to make her stay in two years.
For all the pain it caused her, Lena couldn’t seem to deny Kara, to break off the cycle once and for all. Because when it was good, it was really good. Nobody shone the way Kara did, nobody laughed as hard or loved as fiercely. It was that ability to love that caused her the most pain in the end, but she just kept loving every day. She loved her sister and her cousin and her dog like she loved her lost planet, the entire life that had dissolved around her when Krypton exploded. And Lena never felt as grateful for anything like she did when that love was turned on her. She didn’t understand how she could deserve it, but she cherished it more than anything.
She first met Kara in direct connection to her brother’s attempted genocide. Lena was on damage control. She helped uncover as many files and tech as she could to aid in the investigation against Lex while trying to publicly steer the company as far away from his image as she could. Superman hadn’t trusted her. He hovered as she worked. Asked questions that he hoped would trip her up into revealing hidden intentions and occasionally, even slipped in covert threats. Lena just straightened her back, squared her shoulders and soldiered on despite the acid in her heart. Why would he trust her? Why would anyone think anything different of her after what her brother did? Why should it matter to her what he or anyone else thought?
But despite his heritage and the technological advancements of Krypton, Superman could not keep up with the science. He didn’t understand the files she showed him, and he had no choice but to take her word for it. Until his cousin came back- from vacation, he had said. Lena didn’t know she was his cousin when he brought her into the lab one day; she wasn’t Supergirl, she wasn’t anyone. He simply introduced her as his colleague, Kara. Messy blonde curls, faded band shirt and ratty trench coat didn’t exactly leave Lena impressed. He said she would help Lena go through Lex’s research, and Lena wanted to huff and roll her eyes. Another babysitter.
Kara was unenthusiastic about her task to say the least. She didn’t watch Lena with Superman’s critical focus and Lena only became more suspicious. Kara didn’t show any interest until she began going through the research herself. When her eyes widened and she began scrolling through the documents, talking about the findings with enthusiasm, Lena was floored.
“You understand this?” She’d asked in wonder.
Kara chortled, blue eyes sparkling, “You really think you’re the smartest person in the world, don’t you.” There was no bite in her words, and Lena found herself letting out a breathy laugh before she could stop it. She bit her lip when she smiled, then tried really hard to stop smiling and started blushing. She was doomed.
Kara didn’t notice; she was enthralled by the documents in front of her, the woman next to her turning to jelly was inconsequential.
When she stopped being grumpy in rebellion, Kara started bringing snacks to their sessions. Huge quantities that she ate almost all of. They took more breaks away from the screens, Kara rolling around on a desk chair, a doughnut in each hand, trying not to choke as she laughed that dorky laugh that crinkled her nose. And Lena, despite her best efforts, could not stop staring at her.
Before too long, Kara became bored of the stuffy lab, no matter how many boxes of treats she stocked up on, and started asking Lena to go out on breaks. Lunches, coffees, walks through the city. Lena did not trust people; it wasn’t worth the inevitable heartbreak. She didn’t need people, not casually, platonically or otherwise… But she was starting to think she needed Kara. Maybe the heartbreak would be worth it.
They were sauntering back through long hallways lined with fluorescent lights to the lab, their chatter echoing against the empty walls. Kara was not as cool as Lena thought she was; she was gushing over NSYNC, and Lena found herself joining her, not as ashamed as she usually would have been about having low-brow interests and guilty pleasures.
They turned the last corner and screached to a halt. Kara stopped mid-word, mouth open. Superman stood calmly in front of the lab door, face stony, arms crossed.
Kara closed up immediately. Her face rearranged, jaw and eyebrows stiff, arms crossed.
“Where have you been?” Superman.
“Lunch.” Kara
Superman exhaled, glanced at Lena then turned back to Kara, “Kara, can I have a word?”
Kara huffed in childish rebellion but didn’t argue. Lena showed herself into the lab without glancing at either of them. Why did she ever think things would change?
She tried not to listen to their whisper-yelled conversation; she knew exactly what they would be talking about anyway.
She tuned in when she heard Kara growl, “I trust in her! She is trying to make a name for herself away from her family; she deserves to be judged on her own merits. You don’t know what that feels like!”
Superman’s voice came louder; he seemed to forget she could hear him, or he didn't care. “She understands you, that’s your argument? Kara, she doesn’t even know who you are!”
Kara huffed back into the lab at that then she heard Superman’s cape whipping as he stormed down the hallway away from them.
Kara paced a little as Lena glanced up not so stealthily, watching her.
When Kara suddenly looked up, lightning in her eyes as they met Lena’s, Lena gasped involuntarily at the intensity.
“I’m Superman’s cousin.” She said it through gritted teeth, then before Lena could ask any questions, she hovered a few inches off the ground and floated over to Lena, who was trying to stay calm.
“I’m Kryponian, an alien. Is that OK?” She said it like a challenge, eyes fierce.
Lena nodded, mouth hanging open.
Things didn’t really change after that, except Kara was more likely to just stop cooperating with gravity and float thoughtlessly or use superspeed when it wasn’t strictly necessary. Kara’s relationship with Superman was a little strained, but he continued checking on her, and Lena could tell he cared about her even when he didn’t agree with her.
Eventually Lex’s court trial came to an end, all the research was sifted through, and there was nothing for them to come back to every day.
Superman shook her hand and thanked her for her work, but Kara lingered.
They kept up their weekly lunches for a while before Lena learned that Kara lived in National City and was flying back and forth to see her. Kara had laughed and brushed it off. Lena supposed it wasn’t hard for her, but her heart swelled at the realisation anyway.
When Kara made her debut as Supergirl, Lena was frantic. She had no right to be as worried as she was, but her heart crawled into her chest every time Supergirl was on the news. She put work and personal projects on hold to design protective suits, gear, and gadgets to keep Kara safe.
It was months before anything really bad happened. Then she watched as Supergirl got blasted out of the sky and crashed into the middle of the city like a meteorite. Lena couldn’t remember how to breathe properly for an hour as she called her over and over. She realised she needed to switch tactics and called for her jet to be prepped to go to National City ASAP, then resorted to less-than-legal means to get the number of one Alex Danvers.
She didn’t think about how it would come across to call a woman she had never met to ask about her sister’s well-being. She wasn’t even sure if Kara had told anyone about her. It went to voicemail. Of course it did; Kara was hurt, Alex was busy, and she didn't know who was calling.
Lena tried again and almost cried when she heard, “Agent Danvers,” Clipped and serious.
“Agent Danvers,” Lena breathed while her thoughts caught up to her, “Is Kara OK?” Might as well cut to the chase. “I saw her… and I can’t get a hold of her and I just…” She was frantic.
“Who is this?” Alex’s voice was sharper. Protective.
“I’m her friend; I just need to know if she’s ok.” She didn’t want to find out if giving her name would get her hung up on.
There was a long silence, then the sound came back, Alex’s voice coming through, “Lena Luthor.”
They traced the call. Of course they traced the call.
Lena didn’t know what to say. Should she argue? Cry? Apologize?
Then Alex’s voice came softer, “She’s in rough shape; they’re working on her. I don’t know much right now either, I’m sorry.”
Lena let out a rattling exhale, her hands shaking. Kara told her sister about her. She was alive.
“I’m coming,” Lena said. “It’ll take a while because I can’t fly, but call me with updates, please.” The shapes and colours in the world around her were starting to solidify again and she was remembering how to breathe.
Alex agreed and hung up.
The flight to National City was 45 minutes, but prep and landing clearance drama added three hours to her arrival time. She made it to the DEO (the location wasn’t as unhackable as they thought) close to sunrise and called Alex again to let her in.
Alex took a few seconds to size her up, eyes narrowed, arms crossed, before she nodded for her to follow.
She followed Alex into a white medical room with a bed in the middle and one fragile blonde alien in it. She watched Kara from the doorway for a while, gasping and trying to get her breathing under control. She was alive. She moved closer, aware of Alex watching her.
The sunshine that always seemed to glow through her skin and hair was faded; she was pale and small. She was intubated, lips parted around the plastic tube, and Lena thought she was going to be sick. There was no IV, and she supposed they wouldn’t have been able to get one into her skin anyway. She was scared to touch her, but when she did stroke her forehead, she was cold and clammy, and Lena had to grit her teeth to stay quiet. Her eyelids were pink and swollen, but they fluttered when Lena touched her.
“She’ll be OK.” Alex’s voice was quiet for the first time since she met her. “She’s stable, and it’s only a matter of time. We have the sun lamps on maximum; she can heal herself on her own from here.”
All Lena could do was nod against the lump in her throat.
She took a seat next to the bed, and Alex took the seat on the other side.
Alex was as different from Kara as Lena could imagine. She couldn’t imagine Kara being silent for a whole hour- but that’s how long it took before a quiet, “So, it’s nice to finally meet you.”
Lena wasn’t sure if nice was the right word, but the sentiment sparked curiosity.
“I didn’t know you knew about me,” she admitted. She couldn’t imagine people wanting to openly fraternise with her after all her family had done, especially Supergirl.
Alex snorted, “Yeah, Kara’s not exactly secretive. Keeping Supergirl a secret is hard enough. I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone already knows and just doesn’t want to tell her.”
Lena smiled fondly.
“So. You rushed over pretty quick. And thanks for the suit modifications and the gadgets; they saved her more than a handful of times.”
Lena nodded; she didn’t know how to reply, but Alex’s eyes were studying her.
“Why do you care so much?” she probed when Lena didn’t say anything.
Her eyes snapped up, a solid weight forming in her chest. She was caught. Lena’s mouth opened but nothing came out, and eventually Alex took pity.
“She’s special, isn’t she? She’s worth it, you know, the chaos she brings; she’s always worth it.”
That Lena could agree on: “She’s worth it all.”
“You should tell her, Lena. She’s a little obtuse, but she deserves to know.”
Lena nodded without thinking, confirming Alex’s suspicion without even trying. Sitting there in that sterile room listening to the air hissing through the breathing tube, watching Kara’s small, dim face pinch in sleep, she couldn’t think of a single reason not to tell her.
Kara woke up halfway through the second day. As her eyes fluttered open and her muscles twitched awake, Lena and Alex stood up simultaneously. Kara groaned around the tube, opened her mouth wider around it and tried to gasp. At feeling the tube, she started to panic. Her eyes flew open, and she gasped and reached for her face. Lena and Alex each took a hand, stroking her skin and trying to soothe her. Her eyes started to glow red, and Alex ramped up her efforts.
“Kara, Kara, you’re OK, it’s OK, Kara-” She rubbed her shoulders and her head and squeezed her hand until Kara woke up all the way and took in her surroundings. Her breathing slowed as she looked around at Alex, then Lena. Her brows furrowed in confusion, and Lena tried not to be offended.
Alex pushed a button on the wall and medical staff came in. They asked Alex and Lena to leave while they checked her over and extubated her. Lena tried to protest, but Alex calmly took her elbow, guiding her into the hallway.
“It’s OK,” she assured her as they waited. “Trust me, it's not a pretty sight; you won't be able to unsee it. Better to just let them get her fixed up.”
When they were given the go-ahead to come back in, Lena followed behind Alex, uncharacteristically nervous.
Kara’s eyes followed Lena as she made it back to her bedside.
“What are you doing here?” Her voice was almost normal, not at all like someone who had just been intubated.
Lena had had more than 24 hours to think about her answer but as she worded it, it still shocked her. “I’m moving to National City.”
Kara and Alex’s jaws dropped simultaneously as they stared at her.
“What?”
“I can’t do this again. I can’t be three plus hours away when you need me. The company needs a fresh start, and I can do that from here.” She reasoned.
“You're moving for me?” Kara whined teasingly, giving her her best puppy-dog eyes.
Lena tried not to blush.
The next few months were a whirl of chaos unlike Lena’s wildest expectations. She knew Kara was impulsive, bordering on chaotic; it was one of the things she loved about her, but she did not know how much. With their new proximity, nothing stopped Kara popping in at all hours, night or day, Krypo on her heels. She brought food, stories, plans to fly to Amsterdam or the North Pole. Lena gave in most of the time; she couldn’t seem able to deny her anything. She couldn’t help but wonder what Kara was running from, though. She opened up eventually, lying on Lena’s couch, eyes light-years away, talking about a pod and an endless night. Lena became more conscious of leaving doors and curtains open when Kara was around; she never wanted her to feel trapped.
Kara couldn't care less about holding a job. Lena suspected the social pressure was too much. She was more than happy to have Kara around to help on projects; nobody could keep up with her science the way Kara could and eventually she got Kara to warm up to the idea and put her on the payroll as a consulting partner.
She told her she loved her eventually. Just suddenly and reflexively. Loving her was the easiest thing she’d ever done.
Kara had stuttered and blushed and eventually said something like: “Is that an option on Earth?”
Lena froze, stunned. “Is what an option?”
Kara blushed harder rubbing her neck, “Like, I just never thought that we could-y’know- and I want to because you're brilliant and gorgeous and- but since I got to Earth, everyone’s always telling me I’ll get a boyfriend or a husband or- but- you. I can choose you?”
Lena exhaled, exasperated and breathed, “You poor, sweet alien,” and kissed her.
Alex was ecstatic. She shouted, “See, I knew it! People don’t stare at their friends like that or spend every waking moment with them”, to anyone who would listen. She came out shortly after.
Kara officially moved in a month later. She hardly went home as it were, either crashing at Lena’s or Alex’s or wandering through the night. Lena wondered if she was scared to be on her own.
For the next few months, she was locked in. She was available and affectionate and reliable. Until she vanished. With hardly a word, she was gone, along with Krypto. Lena called Alex, she called everyone. Alex came over that evening with a bottle of wine and boxes of takeout to explain that this just happened sometimes. Life got to be too much or the memories of the life Kara lost would get too vivid and she took off, went out and found other planets where she could be anonymous and fragile.
Kara came back after a few days. She was tired and swaggering, on the tail end of a hangover that was dissipating a lot faster than normal now that she was back under the Earth’s yellow sun. She was apologetic and teary. She promised she was OK; she just needed a little break, and Lena just held her. She didn’t argue or berate. She was still scared of making her feel trapped.
Superman dropped in shortly after, just to check in. When he found Kara lounging in Lena’s penthouse, wearing Lena’s old sweater, Lena wondered if he was going to explode. He wasn’t angry, but he kept looking around the apartment like he had walked onto a different planet where colour was smell and taste was sound and his senses could not keep up. He had known Lena moved to National City; of course, he had kept tabs on her. But he had not counted on his cousin playing house with his mortal enemy’s sister.
Kara hardly gave any reaction; she went about her daily activities while he followed her around the apartment, asking her if she was out of her mind and how she could let this happen. Lena was political, diplomatic and impeccable as always. She hadn’t let him faze her, meeting his stare with a raised eyebrow and letting him tire himself out trying to intimidate her. Krypto attacked him, partially out of affection.
When he was sure that nothing he said would change the situation, he had invited himself to dinner. He visited far more often after that, and eventually invited them both to dinner with Clark and Lois, all disguises melting away.
Lena loved Lois. She was spunky and loud and sharp as they come. By dessert, they were giggling quietly together about Clark and Kara’s less-than-human habits, not under the impression that their superhearing couldn't pick up every word. Before they left, Clark slipped Lena a card with his and Lois’s contact information with a meaningful look. She hadn’t understood yet how often she would need them.
It was three weeks and three days since Kara’s latest disappearance, just after sunrise, when the balcony door swept open, letting in a crisp breeze. Lena had taken to sleeping on the couch, watching the balcony. Krypto saw her first, jumping on her with the force of a tidal wave. She jolted awake to a flurry of fur and barking and licking before he was yanked off, Kara holding him at bay while Lena got her bearings.
Her hair was a mess. Her clothes were stained and crumpled. Face covered in big sunglasses, probably hiding dark bags and bloodshot eyes. Lena couldn’t remember seeing anything more beautiful.
“I'm back.” She tried for a smile, letting a slightly calmer Krypto go climb onto Lena.
“You’re back? That’s It? You’re just… back? Do you know where you’ve been? How long it’s been? What you were doing? Who you were doing it with?”
Kara was frozen, reeling for a few seconds before she lunged forward desperately, “Lena, I wasn’t cheating on you!” She insisted, and Lena sighed.
“I’m not worried about you cheating on me; that’s not the point here. I don’t know where you are; I can’t reach you. I just wait and worry and hope you’ll come back in one piece.”
Kara huffed, getting defensive. “I’m fine,” she scoffed. “You don’t need to worry about me; I’m always fine.”
“Except you’re not!” she didn’t mean to yell. “You’re not fine, I’m not fine, nothing about this situation is fine!” Hot tears burned a traitorous path down her cheeks.
She could see Kara start to panic. Her face was wide and pinched, her hands grasping air. She didn’t want to scare her away; more than anything, she wanted her to stay.
She got up and swept her into a hug, tucking Kara’s face into her neck and stroking her hair. “Please, please, I’m worried about you. You don’t need to hide from me; I’m with you, I’m here. I just can’t worry about you like that. I can’t keep acting like this is acceptable behaviour and waiting for you to succeed at whatever stupid means of self-destruction you’ve taken up. If I keep letting you go, and one day you don’t make it back, I won’t survive that.”
Kara’s grip tightened around her, her shoulders shaking.
The world was quieter for a while after. Kara was apologetic, like always. Affectionate, like always. And Lena was forgiving, like always. But it felt deeper this time. It was the longest she had been away, the worst she’d ever looked, and Lena had called her out on it, which she hadn’t dared do before.
As impulsive as she was, nobody doubted that Kara was smart. She knew Lena was right, that maybe things should be changing in the opposite direction. She shouldn’t be getting worse; she should be fighting to be better.
Lena had missed Kara’s birthday, but she didn’t dare bring it up. So when she got home one day to dinner laid out on the table, complete with a birthday cake, she didn’t know what to think.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here,” Kara started. “I should have celebrated with you, I shouldn’t let you feel like I don’t appreciate you.” Emotional maturity was nice, Lena decided.
They ate and joked a little, conversations still guarded. Right before they moved onto the cake, Kara took Lena’s hand, encouraging her to look at her.
“I’ve been going to therapy,” she blurted like she was admitting to drinking shampoo.
Lena was floored.
Lena couldn’t deny that maybe things were getting better. Kara was starting conversations. She was explaining herself and asking Lena for help. Kara spent more time being introspective than chaotic, finally listening to the voices in her head instead of trying to drown them out.
When weeks later Kara told her they were having company for dinner, she found herself feeling relieved and a little excited. It felt so normal and domestic. She assumed it was Alex or Clark, but Kara refused to say. When Lena opened the door for their guests, she thought she had walked into an alternate dimension. She froze, all of her manners and social training going out the window as she gaped. Kara was quickly at her hip, welcoming their guests in and smiling at Lena mischievously.
“Lena, Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy,” Kara introduced smugly.
“Hey, that’s Dr Quinzel to you, floaty!” joked Harley, shoving herself in and pulling Ivy with her.
Lena blinked, things finally coming together. “Oh no,” she muttered, looking at Kara in horror. “She’s your therapist??” She hissed.
Kara shrugged, “She’s good. And how many psychiatrists can you name that you can say things like ‘yeah, my planet exploded and I got stranded in the Phantom Zone, and now I fly around fighting crime?’”
Lena just stared at her. “You invited her to dinner? Isn’t that a conflict of interest?”
Harley was done pretending she couldn’t hear them. “Yeah, plus my license is revoked so actually none of this is legal!”
Lena had to admit, they made good company. Ivy and Harley were no doubt unconventional, but they were all intelligent, driven women, and moral limits aside, they had a lot to talk about.
Kara sparkled more lately. Lena could see her pushing through every day, and she couldn’t be more in awe. Things weren’t always going to be perfect, but having Kara was the best thing she could ask for.