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Karkat never told anyone the real reason Gamzee broke off their moirallegiance, it occurs to him now that only Kanya knows. Karkat still feels bad about it. He wanted to blame Gamzee’s carelessness, or his kismesissitude with Terezi, or even Kanaya’s tempting kindness, but he knows that it was all his fault. It would have happened one way or another, but maybe, just maybe, if he had waited, made better choices , did the right thing, he wouldn’t have ended up with nothing.
It all started one day when Gamzee had been particularly neglectful . Karkat was left venting his frustrations in the library when he heard Kanaya enter the room. Karkat stopped yelling at the walls for a moment partially out of respect for Kanaya and partially to catch his breath.
“Karkat?” Kanaya addressed him “Are You Okay” She put her hand on his shoulder. To any human that might seem very innocent, just a friendly gesture, but by troll standards this was very forward. Trolls being a violent species tend not to make physical contacted unless they shared a quadrant.
“Karkat?” she asked again. Her fingers were light on his shoulder but weighed heavy on his heart.
“SUDDENLY A LOT BETTER” Kanaya blushed and let go of his shoulder. It was all she could o to keep from shosh paping him right then and there.
The next day things were back to normal. Karkat roamed around the meteor talking to friends, getting annoyed, throwing tantrums, all with his moirail nowhere to be found. He and Kanaya acted as if nothing had happened. Maybe it was a mistake, maybe she didn’t have pale feeling for him after all. It didn’t even matter at this point. The seed was already planted and threatening to bloom into a full pale crush on Karkat’s end.
It wasn’t until two weeks later that Karkat heard a knock at the door. He opened it to find Kanaya’s gentle smile. He invited her in and her face lite up the room, literally. They chatted lightly, how are things with Rose, how are you and Dave getting along, those sort of things, just generally checking in. After a moment of pleasant silence Karkat realized the ball he knew the ball was in his court. Karkat decided to go for it. He gave her a hug. It was firm and inviting, he felt welcome in Kanaya’s arms. Something he never felt with Gamzee. They hugged for a minute and Karkat felt like he was going to cry. Pale-flirting was one thing but now he and Kanaya were physically involved. Karkat sniffled a bit when they pulled away and kanaya offered him a tissue. Things were moving so fast.
Things didn’t go back to normal after that. He kept up pretences of trying to make his quadrant work with Gamzee, but he knew that his his diamond truly belonged to Kanaya. Whenever they found themselves alone they would talk about their feelings. They stole hugs in the hallways and meaningful glances when no one was looking.
“WE SHOULDN’T BE DOING THIS” whispered Karkat, but Kanaya ignored him and gave him a tight hug. Karkat stood for a moment, he tried to resist but his body was in need. He reminded himself how much he needed this. He needed every shooshpap, every smile, every hug, every talk. This wasn’t some sick moirail desire to cheat on Gamzee, he needed this. But he couldn’t just abandon Gamzee either. He wrapped his arms around Kanaya and gave into the alluring temptation of his forbidden moirail. “WE ARE SO FUCKING SCREWED” he reminded her. She nodded and replied
“Then Lets Make The Most Of The Time We Have Now” They discussed their flushed feeling that night. Kanaya’s for Rose and Karkat’s for Terezi. They talked and laughed until they passed through another dream bubble. In this one he had a nice chat with a Nepeta and Equius. He was happy to see them living their death to the fullest. But it also served as a further reminder of how happy life could be with a good moirail, and how many bad deeds Gamzee had done.
It was Kanaya who told him of Gamzee and Terezi’s budding blackrom. Karkat would probably be more upset if he hadn’t resolved his vacillating feeling for Terezi. He was flushed for her but the news thickened the muddy waters of their relationship. Rose and Kanaya were happy together, Gamzee and Terezi didn’t sound horrible but due to her new blackrom relationship Dave had left Terezi leaving Karkat a way in. He decided, after a counsel from Kanaya, that she deserved some time to figure things out before he made any sort of move on her. Karkat felt he was practically over his hopeless crush. Now, if they chose to pursue it, they just might have a chance at a healthy relationship.
That was when things began to fall apart. One night during a late night rendezvous Terezi happened to walk by, and although they kept very quiet and remained very still, they couldn't escape her nose. She didn’t say anything to them, just kept walking, but in the morning, Gamzee dumped Karkat as a moirail. At first Karkat saw this as a blessing. He could finally openly be with Kanaya and they could finally have the moirallegiance they were meant to have. But unfortunately, things don’t always turn out like they should.
As Kanaya and Rose grew more and more flushed for each other Kanya devoted less and less time to Karkat. It was only after his breakup with Gamzee he pieced it together. Dave had left Terezi for being with Gamzee in a different quadrant. Dave, what with being a human and all, must have thought the idea of multiple quadrants to be revolting. Dave, being human, certainly didn’t want to stick around while his matesprit had another troll relationship, even if it was in a completely different quadrant. Rose was also human, and although tended to be more informed and fascinated by troll romance, she still didn’t have the same emotions. No matter how many books, studies, or essays she read, she would still fall victim to the idiotic human emotion of romantic jealousy.
Even after the ordeal with Gamzee, Kanaya insisted they keep their relationship a secret. She undoubtedly had pale feelings for Karkat but was she really willing to lose her matespritship with Rose the way Terezi had lost her’s with Dave? After laying low and weighing her options she finally decided. She would rather have Rose as a Matesprit than Karkat as a moirail.
Karkat and Kanaya agreed it would be for the best if they didn’t see much of each other Terezi barely even acknowledged Karkat anymore. Karkat soon found refuge in a broship with Dave. They would talk and joke and rib on each other constantly. Sometimes Karkat could feel the tiniest tinge of pale feelings for Dave, but deep down Karkat knew; wasn’t moirallegiance for him. All he ever did was hurt people and, in the end, he is the one who ends up hurt most of all.