Work Text:
Imessages between Lamine Yamal and Pau Cubarsi
MY golden boy 😋
Lamine can I talk to you about something
Lamine
Ofc Pau
You never have to ask
MY golden boy 😋
I know jst
Promise you won’t be mad or freak out?
Lamine
Never
I don’t think you could say anything that would make me mad at you lol
MY golden boy 😋
Okay
I think I have a crush…
Lamine
Why would that freak me out?
Everyone has crushes
MY golden boy 😋
Because the person I might be crushing on
well
He isn’t a girl
Lamine
Oh?
There’s nothing wrong with being gay Pau
MY golden boy 😋
I know
But some people can still be weird
Esp when you have to share a locker room
You promise it doesn’t bother you?
Lamine
Ofc not Pau
I love you forever no matter what
Even if you had a crush on me 😉
MY golden boy 😋
No lol!
You don’t have to worry about that
Lamine
Who’s the lucky guy?
MY golden boy 😋
I think I have a crush on Gavi…
Lamine
Oh Gavi!
I should have guessed
MY golden boy 😋
Is it obvious?
Lamine
Probably only to me
You have the cutest smile when you look at him lol
Absolutely lights up the room
MY golden boy 😋
Stop!
Do you think he can tell?
I was hoping no one would notice that
Lamine
I wouldn’t worry too much friend
He is just as radiant when he looks at you
MY golden boy 😋
Do you really think so?
Stop feeding my delusions
You’re going to make me think I have a chance!
Lamine
I wouldn’t lie to you
Believe me it would hurt less if I thought you had no chance
What makes you only say maybe?
MY golden boy 😋
I’ve never really had a crush on someone before I guess?
So it’s kind of hard to understand these feelings
My whole life i’ve been trying to like girls
And i guess now I know why that didn’t work out lol
But these feelings are weird to me
I think i’ve felt them before
But I thought I just really loved our friendship when it happened before
Now though it's not just like the swoop in your stomach
I want him like- nvm
That might be TMI
Lamine
It’s okay lol
I think I know what you are talking about
Sounds like a crush to me Pau
Does your heart start racing when he walks into practice?
MY golden boy 😋
Yes
Ugh I sound so corny
Lamine
My little Pau is in love 🥰
MY golden boy 😋
I wouldn’t go that far yet!
How embarrassing would it be to love him if I don’t even know if I have a chance?
Lamine
You’re right, better save that for when you start dating
MY golden boy 😋
WHEN?!
You really think I have a chance huh
Lamine
I’m serious
He would be stupid not to want you back
Trust me
I’ll watch him tomorrow
Let you know everytime he tries to sneak a glance
MY golden boy 😋
You’re the best, Lamine, seriously
Thank you for not being weird about it…
I don’t think some of the guys would take it so well
Lamine
Ofc! I got you
Sweet dreams bro
Gay or not you’ll always be my best friend
MY golden boy 😋
Love you gn
—
Lamine Yamal
Lamine reread his last conversation with Cubarsi 5 times before he got in his car to drive to Joan Gamper.
It hurt just as much every time.
There was a split second, before Cuba revealed he had a crush on Gavi, that Lamine’s heart had soared. That he thought keeping his feelings under wraps for all these years had been stupid. That he had wasted so much time by not confessing sooner. Now, though, all he felt was the crushing burden of unrequited love.
He meant what he said to Pau. Gavi would be the biggest idiot in the world if he didn’t see what was right in front of him. How perfect Pau was. How lovely getting to date him would be. To fall asleep cuddling him after watching a movie, or roughhousing that ends in a make-out session after losing to him (again) at FIFA, or holding his hand under the table at a cafe. He could go on about all his daydreams about Pau for hours, but the point is that if Gavi let all that go, Lamine would never be able to take him seriously ever again.
What he felt didn’t matter in this. The happiness of his best friend was on the line, and Lamine would not be the reason something got in the way. He had to make sure someone was happy. And since it couldn’t be him, it had to be Pau.
With this new goal in mind, he finally got in his car and started the monotonous drive to practice.
—
Lamine arrived at practice right on time like he usually did. Most of the guys were already there, either changing in the locker room or already out on the field warming up. Cuba was part of the latter group, nowhere in sight. Gavi was still half-dressed, however, laughing at something Pedri had said. Lamine waved hello to everyone before quickly changing and walking outside with them. When he saw Pau on the field, lunging, his face lit up. His ass looked unfairly good from this angle.
When Pau spotted them, he ran over, waving, only he wasn’t looking at Lamine. When Lamine glanced to his right, there was Gavi, radiant smile plastered on his face just as Lamine had told Cuba it would be.
Despite all the exposure therapy he tried to accomplish by reading last night's messages over and over again, his heart still plummeted in his stomach. Today would be a very, very long practice.
—
When the coaches called for a water break, Lamine expected to be subjected to more torture, but surprisingly, Pau came over to him and knocked his shoulder.
“Why have you been looking like someone pissed in your cereal all practice?”
Shoot. He thought he had been good at hiding his facial expressions every time he saw any interaction between Pau and Gavi. He seriously had to lock in before he ruined everything. Hmm how to deflect?
“Just having one of those days. The ball isn’t flowing right. I feel like I’m messing up all the drills.” Perfect. Blame it on feeling bad at football.
“Really? I thought you were doing really well today. You’ve crushed all the drills I saw.”
Damn it. Time to pivot.
“Gavi looked just as excited to see you as I thought he would.”
Pau turned a beautiful red at that comment, and they both glanced over at Gavi, who was laughing at something Pedri had just said. Gavi glanced over at Pau and smiled wide before returning to the conversation.
“See how he looks at you when he’s laughing at something someone else said? I’m no psychologist, but I’m pretty sure that’s textbook crush behavior.” Lamine would know. The first thing he thinks whenever he laughs at something funny is if Cuba is laughing too.
“I see what you’re saying, but I don’t know. I still feel like it’s too risky to make a move. What if it scares him away and then he doesn’t even want to be friends?”
“Okay, but counterpoint! What if he feels the same way and you live happily ever after! Just ask him to hang out casually maybe? Feel the vibes. Worst case, you just bond a little more.”
“You’re a genius, Lamine!” One of the coaches blows their whistle signaling the start of the next drill. “I’ll ask him after practice… Maybe we can play FIFA.” Pau starts to walk toward the crowd of football players gathering in the middle of the field.
Lamine takes a few more seconds to gather his thoughts before following. He ignores the twinge in his chest. FIFA was their thing, and yeah, most footballers played, but none of them had ever done it with him and Cuba. Whatever, he was being a good friend. He had to make Cuba happy. He quickly jogged to catch up with Cuba and let the instructions whispered by the coaches distract him.
—
It had been a month since Lamine pushed Cuba to hang out with Gavi one-on-one. As far as he was aware, the plan was working. He tried to be happy about it, but smiles were a bit harder for him to come by these days. Pau hanging out with Gavi more meant he was hanging out with Lamine less, and when they did hang out, Pau was talking about what happened with Gavi. How many times they brushed knees, or how many times he caught Gavi staring at his lips. Lamine honestly didn’t understand why neither of the idiots had made a move yet.
Today was another one of those days. They were given a day of rest after a game, and Cuba had asked Gavi to go with him to the aquarium to see the new shark or something. Lamine had started to tune his friend out as much as possible when Gavi was the topic of conversation to minimize the damage to his fraying nerves.
He was in a bit of a mood about the whole thing and was debating wasting the day doomscrolling on TikTok and indulging in self-pity when Alejandro invited him over to listen to some new album he was obsessed with. Lamine agreed because he had nothing better to do.
—
They were only about 4 songs into the album when Balde decided to comment on Lamine’s foul mood.
“Are you even listening?” Balde said.
“Yes? Of course I am. What makes you think I’m not?” Truthfully, all of the songs had started to sound the same by this point, and he had gone back to wallowing in his hopeless crush.
“You aren’t making any of your usual commentary. What’s up with you?” Couldn’t get anything past this guy apparently.
“I made some comments. I’m just a little tired, I guess.” Alejandro paused the track and sat up to look straight at him.
“Bull shit. You’ve been off for days. I thought this would cheer you up, but clearly it’s not working. Just spit it out.” Alejandro had always been a great friend to Lamine, never giving him a single reason to think he wouldn’t be trustworthy with a secret like this, but still Lamine wanted to be cautious. He let out a long sigh; this situation really was making him tired.
“How would you feel if your crush said they liked someone else and you decided to help them get with their crush and now it's all they talk about, and you just have to smile and nod every time. What do you even do in that situation?” Alejandro grimaced
“Oof, that's tough, man. I’m actually surprised you haven’t been in a worse mood, actually.”
“Yeah, thanks, your empathy is really helping.”
“I guess I would try and distance myself so I could get over them and ask them to talk about it less?”
“I don’t really think distance is an option… Don’t you think that would be suspicious? If I asked them to talk about it less?”
“No, I think I would get pretty annoyed if all I heard about when we hung out was some girl. Just play it off like that.” Lamine nodded, and Alejandro unpaused the track. They listened to 3 more songs before he asked another question.
“Just out of curiosity, when you say ‘they,’ you’re talking about a boy, right?” Lamine tensed up next to him, and Alejandro quickly explained himself. “It’s cool if you are, dude. I swear, my cousin is gay. Never affected me much.” Lamine relaxed slightly.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m talking about a boy.” Lamine hesitated, covering his face with his hands before continuing. Having a crush on a boy is one thing. Having a crush on a teammate might be crossing the line. “It’s about Cuba actually.”
He braced for the disgust that must be on Balde’s face, but when he removed his hands, all he saw was sympathy. “Shit dude, That’s rough. I guess I understand why putting some distance between you would be a problem.”
“Yeah.” They got through the rest of the album without saying anything else. When it finished, Balde ordered takeout from Lamine’s favorite place. It was touching enough for a smile to break through.
—
A month later, on another day off, Pau called Lamine on the phone. When he answered, Pau was crying. “I’m sorry, Lamine. I know you said you didn’t want to talk about Gavi with me anymore, but you’re the only one who knows and I just, I don’t know who else to talk about it with.”
“Hey, woah! When I said that, I didn’t mean when it’s important, okay? What’s wrong?”
“Can I come over? I think I just really don’t want to be alone, and I don’t want to say it on the phone.”
“Okay, Pau, come here.”
Thirty minutes later, they were sitting on Lamine’s couch, Pau was crying into his chest, and Lamine was rubbing soothing circles into his back. When he calmed down a little and pulled away, Lamine handed him a tissue.
“What did that bastard do? I’ll kill him if you want me to. I don’t care if we need him to win a stupid trophy.” Pau laughed weakly.
“You don’t need to kill him; I just got ahead of myself. I should have known him liking me back was too good to be true.” Pau blew his nose into the tissue and rubbed the rest of his tears away with his hoodie sleeve.
“Why do you say that?”
“He told me about this girl on our date today. Well, I guess it was only a date to me.” Some self-depreciation flooded Pau’s voice at those words. “He said he’s going to ask her to be his girlfriend.” Lamine had many skills, but a poker face was not one of them. If Pau wasn’t too busy looking at the floor in embarrassment, he would see a lot of different emotions cross Lamine’s face. His eyes widened in surprise and sympathy. Before the weight of the words set in.
Lamine seriously wanted to punch Gavi in the face. How could he not see the beautiful boy right in front of him? His next thought he could never admit to anyone, but it led him to reach out with a reassuring hand, and he squeezed Pau’s shoulder. Maybe if Gavi couldn’t pull his head from the sand and treat Pau correctly, then this was Lamine’s chance to show Pau how a proper relationship should be. If he could help his friend through this heartbreak, then maybe he would finally get his chance to take Pau on dates. Real dates. With no mention of girls.
“Okay, maybe I don’t need to kill him, but I can still kick in his bad knee, punish him for leading you on.” Pau did not find that as funny as the first joke. In fact, it seemed to make him sadder. When he turned to face Lamine, his face had completely crumpled, and tears were starting to form in his eyes.
“It’s not his fault I thought I had a chance. He doesn’t deserve bad things to happen to him because I was a delusional idiot.” He started to cry in earnest again, burying his face back into Lamine’s chest.
“It’s going to be okay, Pau. So what if he gets with this random girl? He’ll realize she’s not nearly as good as you and wonder why he wasted so much time.” Lamine really needed to duct tape his mouth shut. He should be convincing Pau to give up on Gavi, not reassuring him that this girlfriend was just a phase. But Pau seemed to calm down a bit more at the words, so Lamine figured it wasn’t a total loss.
By the end of the night, he even managed to get Pau smiling again. They played FIFA like they usually do, and Lamine let Pau win so he was in a better mood. Neither of them mentioned Gavi and his girl again. It almost felt like old times. Before Pau’s confession put something sour in Lamine’s heart that wouldn’t leave.
—
Pau Cubarsi
Gavi brought his girlfriend to the party. Pau didn’t care to remember her name. It was better if he knew as little as possible. Lamine could fill him in on anything if it was important later. It’s not like this was the first time she was around the team. Seeing them together hurts every time. Lamine tried to distract him; they played a couple games of pong, took a few shots, joined Marc in karaoke, but none of it could stop his eyes from snapping to where Gavi was every time they were in the same room.
Pau walked into the kitchen to pour him and Lamine another round when he ran into them again. Gavi was leaning against the kitchen island right in front of all the hard liquor. In front of him was his girlfriend leaning up against him. Their faces were millimeters apart. Gavi was laughing at something she had said. Pau choked on a sudden feeling of sadness, and Gavi’s eyes snapped to him at the sound. His smile fell from his face, and he started to move, displacing his girlfriend slightly from the sudden shift.
Pau was already back out the door, though, forgetting the shots, he grabbed Lamine’s hand, pulling him from whatever conversation he was having with Balde and leading him to the makeshift dance floor in the living room. Gavi and his girlfriend were right behind him, but Pau just pushed further into the crowd. Lamine looked extremely perplexed but followed Pau’s lead without question. They ended up dancing somewhat awkwardly while Pau tried to avoid Gavi’s gaze between the other bodies. His girlfriend was already all over him again, kissing his neck.
Pau leaned into Lamine to whisper in his ear. “I don’t know how much longer I can watch this happen, Lamine. I feel like I’m going to be sick.”
Lamine mumbled something Pau couldn’t quite catch on his breath that sounded like “Tell me about it,” but before he could puzzle it out, he was saying something else louder. “You just have to hold on a little bit longer, Pau. He’ll wake up eventually. I know he feels something for you; he's probably just scared.”
Pau looked back over to where Gavi and his girlfriend were now making out right on the dance floor.
“Lamine, will you kiss me?”
“What? Pau, you know I would do a lot for you, but I don’t know if I can-”
“Please, Lamine. Maybe it will help him wake up. Maybe he will realize kissing me isn’t so bad.” Pau was close to tears, desperate to try anything at this point. He glanced over to Gavi again, and they were still going at it. Lamine followed his gaze and seemed to debate for a moment. When he turned back to Pau, he nodded.
“Okay. If you think it will help, okay.” Pau was kissing him before he had fully finished speaking. Kissing Lamine was nothing like how he imagined kissing Gavi would be. There were no fireworks like romance novels portrayed a first kiss. This wasn’t Gavi, no matter how much Pau wished it was; it felt a little bit like home, though. Lamine tasted like beer from their last game of pong and a little bit like the brigaderos Raphina had brought. Pau didn’t remember seeing him eat one. It was kind of nice as far as first kisses go. Could have been worse. It could have been with Gavi, though. At the reminder of why he was kissing Lamine in the first place, Pau opened his eyes. Just behind Lamine, he could still see Gavi kissing his girlfriend, except this time Gavi’s eyes were also open, and they were staring straight at Pau. Something that looked a little bit like jealousy (if Pau was lucky) seemed to flash between the other’s gaze. They stayed there for a few more seconds just staring, before reality seemed to wash over Pau and he realized what he was doing. Kissing Lamine in front of a crowd of people, how would they explain that in the morning?
Pau broke his eye contact with Gavi and pushed poor, dazed Lamine away, grabbing his hand once again and dragging him to the kitchen. He grabbed both of them a drink, and they both took a couple sips before anyone said anything. There seemed to be a deep sorrow in Lamine’s face. Pau still couldn’t quite place it. He’d seen it off and on for days now. But every time he asked about it, his best friend had some excuse ready.
“I'm sorry for springing that on you. It was really stupid.” Pau looked down, a little ashamed at using his friend. Lamine’s face softened. He put a comforting hand on Pau’s shoulder.
“It’s okay, Pau. Do you think it worked?”
“I’m not sure. For a second there, it seemed like Gavi was a bit jealous, but that could just be wishful thinking. More importantly, how are we going to explain that to everyone who saw? I really should have thought this through.” Lamine waved him off.
“I’ll just tell everyone that me and Balde had a bet on who could kiss someone first, and you were willing to help out a friend. It shouldn’t be too hard to get him to cover.” Lamine smiled at him, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. There was definitely something bothering him. Pau would have to figure it out later, though, because Gavi walked into the kitchen this time with no girlfriend in tow. He cleared his throat.
“Sorry, am I interrupting something?” Lamine waved him off, already starting to walk toward the door. “Nope, I have to go find Balde and get him to cough up those $20 he owes me. Thank you, Pau.” He winked at Pau before exiting.
“What was that about?” Gavi asked, settling into the spot on the counter Lamine had just vacated. “Oh, Lamine and Balde had some bet on who could get a kiss first. He asked if I could help him win.”
“So you don’t like him?”
“Lamine? No, he’s my best friend. Why?”
Gavi seemed a bit conflicted about what to say next. In the distance, a girl's voice could be heard asking people if they saw where Gavi went. He grimaced. “Can we talk?”
“We’re already talking,” Pau stated with a shit-eating grin on his face. Apparently having the sole attention of his crush was enough to push away the sour mood he had been in all night. Already back to his favorite hobby of ragebating Gavi. Gavi exhaled and rubbed his temples. “Somewhere more private where Ana can’t find me, preferably?”
“Lead the way.” They both stood up and walked toward the back garden. Gavi grabbed his hand and led him around a corner where they wouldn’t be seen by anyone curious enough to poke their head outside of the sliding glass doors.
“You’re driving me crazy, Pau.” Pau was leaning against the concrete wall facing Gavi; he was still grinning from ear to ear. “I haven’t done anything; you’ve been with ‘Ana’ all night.” His smile fell slightly at the mention of Gavi’s girlfriend, even though he had been the one to bring her up. “And yet I can’t stop thinking about you.” Pau stopped breathing as soon as those words left Gavi’s lips. He saw the moment Gavi’s eyes trailed down to his lips before quickly snapping back to Pau’s eyes. “Everytime she touches me tenderly, I can’t help but wish it was you, even if it’s to shove me around. I know it’s wrong, but when I’m with her, I’m counting down the seconds until the next time you’ll pick me up after a goal like it’s nothing.”
“Who says that’s wrong?” This time it’s Pau who looks at Gavi’s lips, but unlike Gavi, he lets his gaze linger. Gavi is kissing him before he can bring himself to look back at his eyes. Pau kisses back as soon as he registers what is happening.
It feels nothing like his kiss with Lamine. There is no comfort, just raw desire. Gavi tastes like tequila and cherry lip gloss, that must have belonged to his girlfriend. Pau kisses him harder, determined to erase that taste and memory from Gavi’s lips. He picks Gavi up and turns them around so Gavi’s back is against the wall. Gavi lets out a grunt at the sudden force of the wall hitting his back, but they don’t stop kissing. Gavi’s hands find Pau’s hair and his legs wrap around Pau’s back. This must be that firework feeling everyone is always going on about. Having Gavi in his hands and his lips on his mouth feels more exhilarating than any winning goal Pau has scored in his entire career.
Gavi pulls away, breathing heavily. Pau starts kissing his neck, unwilling to let the moment end. “Pau, wait, you can’t leave any marks.” Pau releases the skin he was sucking on and meets Gavi’s eyes, taking a second to process what had just happened. “Why not?”
Gavi has the decency to look a little guilty before saying, “Because Ana will see.” Reality washed over Pau for the second time tonight. The words buried themselves in his ribcage in a way that stung. “Right, wouldn’t want to upset your perfect girlfriend.” Pau set Gavi down, putting a little bit of space between them. “How could I forget about her?”
He couldn’t help but allow a little bit of bitterness to color his words. The kiss was everything he could have hoped for, but it apparently wasn’t enough for Gavi. He hadn’t noticed he looked away until Gavi was back in his space, cupping his face gently and turning it so they were looking at each other again.
“I’m going to break up with her, Pau. It was stupid to think I could distract myself from you. But there is no reason to make it messier than it’s already going to be.” Pau let a hopeful smile grace his lips. “You promise?”
“Yes, I would be stupid if I let you slip through my fingers now. Seeing you kiss Lamine, all I wanted to do was push everyone out of the way and punch him in the face and then kiss you until no one could doubt who your lips truly belonged to.” Gavi kissed him again, gently this time. Pau hummed into it, a small chuckle escaping. They pulled away again. Pau pulled Gavi into a tight hug, burying his face in the shorter one's hair. “Not too much on Lamine. He only kissed me because you were being an idiot.”
Gavi wiggled in Pau’s arms until he could place a light kiss under his jaw. “I will not be making that mistake again.”
When they finally separated and left their secluded corner to join the party, they were both smiling like idiots.
—
Lamine Yamal
As soon as Lamine walked out of the kitchen, his smile dropped straight off his face. He chugged the rest of his drink and gave himself 5 seconds to feel the endless pit of jealousy and yearning that followed him around everywhere lately before pushing it all down and plastering a perfectly fake smile back on his face.
First things first, he had to find Balde and cover his bases. Then he had to get so drunk he couldn’t remember his own name, let alone that he had just kissed the love of his life to help him make another guy jealous. Oh, why had he let Pau kiss him? But how could he say no when Pau looked at him with those green eyes that were so close to crying? No, the 5 seconds were up. He couldn’t think about it anymore at this party. This disaster was a problem for tomorrow.
He found Balde in a corner talking to some girl. He briefly considered not being a cock block, but if he didn’t convince his friend to go along with their story today, he would never remember. He walked up to Balde and tapped him on the shoulder.
“Sorry to interrupt, could I talk to you?” Balde groaned, “Can it wait?” He turned back to the girl with an apologetic smile.
“I wouldn’t be asking you if it could.” Lamie started to tug him away. Leading him into a bathroom and closing the door behind him.
“What’s going on, dude? I was a little busy, if you couldn’t tell.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I’m sure she’ll still be there later. I just need your help with something.”
Balde folded his arms and leaned against the sink. “Okay, shoot.”
“Pau kissed me.”
Balde’s face lit up. “Congrats dude! I thought he liked Gavi! I’m glad we were wrong. Why do you look upset about that? Haven’t you wanted him for years?”
“So that’s the thing.” Lamine’s lips started to tremble, and he swallowed to keep the shake in his voice at bay. “Pau kissed me to make Gavi jealous.” Tears started to form in his eyes.
“Oh shit.” Alejandro stood up as if he was going to comfort Lamine, but he put his hand up and wiped the tears away quickly. “No, no, it’s fine, I’m fine.” Lamine took a few breaths to steady himself before continuing.
“I just need you to tell anyone who asks about the kiss that we had a bet going on about who could get a kiss faster, and I cheated by asking Pau to kiss me. Can you do that?”
“Of course I can, but seriously, are you okay?” A few more tears started to stream down Lamine’s face.
“How embarrassing is it to cry over someone you know you have no chance with?” Alejandro crossed over to Lamine and wrapped him in a hug.
“It’s not embarrassing, dude. I think I would be crashing out if I were in your position. You let him kiss you to make Gavi jealous?” Lamine buried his face into Alejandro's chest. His next words were muffled, but Alejandro could still make them out.
“You should have seen him. He looked so torn. Gavi was kissing his girlfriend, and when he asked, it looked like he was about to cry.” Lamine’s voice cracked, and a small sob escaped. “I couldn’t say no to those eyes.”
“Wow, bro, I knew you had it bad for him, but I don’t think I realized till now how bad.”
Lamine stood up straight and wiped his eyes again. The tears were still falling, but there wasn’t anything he could do about that. “I think I should just go home. Before anyone else can see me like this.”
Balde squeezed his shoulders and nodded. “Yeah okay, let's call you an Uber. I think I can lead you out without anyone noticing.”
—
The months after the party passed by in a blur for Lamine. He woke up, he went to practice, he gave his all to the game, and then he went home and debated if asking Pau to hang out was worth the sting when he inevitably admitted he already made plans with Gavi. He hung out with Alejandro now and then, but he knew he wasn’t exactly good company these days.
Pau and Gavi started dating a few days after the party. They only told a few people, but it was obvious to anyone with eyes. Which Lamine unfortunately possessed. They were stupidly cute, and it made Lamine nauseous every time he had the displeasure of hanging out with them. Since he was one of the trusted few they had shared their relationship with, his presence did nothing to stop their PDA. There was a brief spell where he considered pretending to be homophobic so they would stop, but that was a low he wasn’t quite willing to stoop to. At least not yet.
It was during one of these cute coupley moments that Lamine finally snapped. It was quite cold on the pitch today, and Gavi’s nose had turned completely pink. Pau was watching him with nothing but love in his eyes, and when Gavi ran over to him during the water break, he reached out and pinched it. They really needed to be more careful because if anyone else was paying attention, they would have seen how desperately Pau was resisting the urge to kiss Gavi’s whole face.
When they returned to practice, Lamine was so upset he tripped Gavi up, aiming for his bad leg as often as he could. He didn’t even bother to hide his anger in the locker room after practice either. Anyone who tried to approach him got a glare and a cold shoulder until they eventually left him alone. He could feel Cuba’s piercing stare on his back all the way to his car, but he couldn’t find it in him to apologise yet. He turned off his phone and drove home. Determined to block out the whole afternoon and deal with it tomorrow. Pau obviously had other plans.
—
There’s banging on Lamine’s door. He tries to ignore it for a few minutes. Hoping Pau will give up on this futile endeavor and leave him to his plan of dealing with it tomorrow. There are a few seconds of silence, where Lamine thinks it might have actually worked, and then the pounding starts right back up again. At this rate, Lamine’s door was going to break before Pau gave up. Lamine sighs before making his way to the door and unlocking it.
Before he can get out a word of greeting, Pau has pushed past him into the house.
“Make yourself at home, I guess.” Lamine sighs before locking and closing the door behind Pau and turning around to face his anger.
“Are you going to explain yourself?”
“Explain what exactly? I don’t recall doing anything to make you so angry?”
“For days you have been dry with me and flat out ignoring Gavi, and then today you were tackling him recklessly at every opportunity! One of you could have gotten hurt! And you have the nerve to pretend you don’t know why I’m mad right now?”
“Oh no! How can I live with myself knowing I upset your poor, perfect boyfriend? Lucky he has you to whip me into shape.” He said in a mocking tone of voice that Pau picked up on quickly.
‘Stop it, why are you being so mean! This isn’t like you, Lamine. What is going on? For weeks you’ve been getting this look in your eyes, and every time I ask, you brush it off, but I’m not going to let you get away with it anymore. You are becoming an asshole! Just tell me what it is so I can help.”
“You noticed that?” There was a flicker of shock in his voice
“Yes! I’m your best friend. Of course I can tell when something is bothering you. Why won’t you let me into that head of yours?” He spoke softer this time, some of the anger fading.
Lamine’s patience was running out. He needed Pau to leave so he could get a grip on his emotions. “Because I can’t tell you! If you knew it would ruin everything.”
Pau was having none of that, however, and kept pushing. “Well, this little attitude of yours is pissing me off, so just spit it out already.”
Lamine finally snapped at him, fueled by all the anger and frustration that had been building for almost a year at this point. “Fine! If you want to know so bad. I can’t do it anymore, Pau! I can’t watch how happy you are with him without losing a little bit of my soul each time! I’m glad it worked out, and Gavi finally got his head out of the fucking sand, but it’s tearing me apart.” Lamine clapped his hands over his mouth. He hadn’t meant to say it quite like that. Pau was frozen; there was a look of bewilderment on his face and all of the anger had disappeared.
Lamine took a deep breath to gather his strength before speaking quieter. “Every night when I go to bed, I dream of that kiss. It won’t leave me alone; it’s torturing me, Pau. For you, it was a way to make your crush jealous, but to me it was like one last goodbye before sending me off to the trenches. I’ve dreamed of it so often it’s like it happened yesterday. And sometimes the dreams don’t stop at what happened in reality. Sometimes you break away, and instead of pulling me into that kitchen you pull me into a bathroom and lock the door before lifting me on the counter and kissing me till my lips are bruised, and then I wake up just before you can tell me you love me.” His voice broke, and he had to swallow before continuing. As if this conversation wasn’t mortifying enough, tears had started to form in his eyes.
“I wake up all alone in a cold bed, and I have to remember that instead of being there with me, you’re in someone else's bed, sound asleep. Gavi is probably cuddled up into your chest, all warm and happy. It makes me sick!” He clutched his stomach at the memory. Nausea coming back in full force. Pau still hadn’t moved. If Lamine was paying closer attention, he would notice Pau hadn’t even blinked.
“I wish I could get over you, that I could just see you as my best friend, that I could just be happy for you and him. I’ve tried so hard to forget it all and shove my feelings away, but they just come back stronger. It's twisted into this ugly thing, and I just can’t do it anymore. I wish you hadn’t kissed me.” His anguish was building to the point that his knees were beginning to grow weak, no longer able to support his weight. The tears had started to fully stream down his face, and he was beginning to yell. “Maybe I could have forgotten it if you had never kissed me! I wish you hadn’t kissed me!”
Lamine crumbled on the floor at his final words and curled up into a shaking, sobbing ball. He couldn’t take it back now. Pau was going to hate him, and Lamine would have to make peace with that because the way he felt was disgusting. No best friend should ever harbour this much jealousy toward the other’s relationship. Nobody moved for a few minutes; time felt like it had stopped at this moment. Lamine, crying on the floor, and Pau, towering over him. The only sounds were his sobs.
Pau inhaled sharply and then dropped to the floor, pulling Lamine into his lap and cradling him. Rubbing soothing hands up and down Lamine’s frame. “Don’t cry, Lamine. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know, I never would hav- Why didn’t you stop me? I never meant to hurt you.”
“I know, I know you didn’t. I’m sorry I can’t just be a better friend.” Lamine tried to push Pau away, but his grip only grew tighter.
“Don’t say that. You are the best friend I could have ever hoped for! I can’t lose you, Lamine. I’ll break up with him; just please, I can’t lose you!”
“No, Pau, you can’t do that for me. I see how happy you are. I couldn’t live with myself if I’m the reason that ends.” Pau bursts into tears.
“Then what can I do? Just tell me, and I’ll do it?”
“I need you to leave me alone. I need you to pretend like I don’t exist until I can get a grip. I need you to go home to Gavi and stay happy with him until it stops tearing me apart.” Pau buries his face into Lamine’s curls. They both stay there for a long time. Until the last of Lamine’s tears have dried up. Before they can pull away, Pau whispers into his ear. “I’m sorry I can’t love you the way you want me to.”
And then he kisses Lamine on the cheek. He gently guides him to the floor and off his lap. And then he walks back out the door. Supposedly going to Gavi’s just as Lamine requested. Lamine watches him go, a vicious pit forming in his stomach. He crawls to the nearest bathroom and vomits until nothing but stomach acid comes out, but the feeling doesn’t go away.
Lamine doesn’t really know how he made it into his bed, but once he’s there, he collapses on it and cries himself to sleep.
—
He dreams of that night again. When Pau kissed him, but this time he’s strong enough to say no. He tells Pau to stop being stupid and go talk some sense into Gavi, and then he finds a pretty girl to kiss instead. When he wakes up, he indulges in a fantasy for a few seconds where he ended up falling for that girl and could finally squash his stupid one-sided feelings for his best friend before it cost him everything.