Chapter Text
Willow was losing her mind; she was certain of it.
Her mind was consumed by steamy thoughts about Michelle—images that hardly belonged in the thoughts one has about a best friend.
She felt increasingly unsettled by this, considering that despite having been in love with the girl for years, not a single inappropriate thought about her had ever crossed her mind until a few days ago.
This unsettling feeling had begun days earlier, when Michelle walked down the basement stairs in her own home for another D&D night with her friends. Everything seemed normal, yet somehow, everything felt different.
The mere memory of it made Willow’s stomach do flip-flops, even days later.
Michelle had recently ended her relationship with Shane, Willow’s stepbrother, and she shared the news with them that night; surprisingly, she didn't seem nearly as upset as Willow had imagined she would be.
When Willow asked about it, Michelle was vague, saying they had parted on good terms. She explained that they had talked and decided to end the relationship because the feelings expected between a couple were no longer there.
Willow tried to brush that information aside, but it ignited a spark in her mind that refused to die out. It set her feelings for the girl ablaze, and her thoughts were soon consumed by entirely inappropriate images of the girl with the curly black hair.
She was definitely losing her mind over it.
Willow had realized early on that she was interested in Michelle in a different way, but she had never felt such a burning intensity about it before.
But after that day, her dreams became entirely consumed by the girl, shifting between being held in Michelle’s arms while they kissed wildly and having Michelle between her legs while she begged for her. Every now and then, she’d wake up in the morning inexplicably sweaty and wet.
She needed to do something about it as soon as possible, or she’d completely lose her mind, something she’d almost done back when she was fifteen.
In late April 1986, with the Byers family back in Hawkins and staying at the Wheelers' house, things were chaotic—but still better than being isolated in Lenora.
The girls were finally close again; after so much time apart, spending every waking moment together might have seemed like overkill to anyone else, but not to them—they managed to catch up on everything in no time.
What Willow hadn't expected was for Michelle to ask so bluntly about her love life in Lenora—asking if she’d dated any boys and all the rest. Since they were being completely honest with each other, Willow told her there had been no one.
After a few more questions and answers, Michelle discovered that Willow had never kissed anyone and offered to kiss her, arguing that it was better to kiss her best friend than just some random idiot.
Willow didn't disagree.
And that was when what Willow called "almost completely losing her mind" began. They both agreed it was a friendly kiss—the sort of thing common between two "totally heterosexual" teenagers (as far as Michelle knew). Neither gave it much serious thought at the time; Michelle was taking a break from her relationship, and—on top of having just saved the world from a parallel dimension and facing the peak of puberty—they simply needed to explore new, typical teenage experiences for a change.
It seemed like the perfect idea: learning to kiss by actually doing it. After all, they were best friends; it wasn't as if the whole thing was a big deal.
When it started, Willow felt like she was on cloud nine, but she soon bitterly regretted it. She realized that when you’re a teenager in love with your best friend, the last thing you should do is kiss her just for the sake of an experiment, without any real feelings involved.
She desperately needed to stop, but had no idea how; she didn't want to make things awkward. To Michelle, it was just another silly best-friend thing, but it was tearing Willow apart inside—so it had to end.
The breaking point came after a long, agonizing week for Willow, when Michelle tried to take things a step further without warning. She attempted to turn a simple peck into a more intense kiss; when Michelle’s tongue slipped into Willow’s mouth unannounced, Willow simply froze.
Her mind raced with thoughts confirming Michelle’s true intent—which was merely to explore and help Willow with her lack of experience—but for Willow, it was too much. She was in love with someone else, and the situation felt wrong and painful to continue.
She apologized to Michelle for that kiss, admitting she wasn't really ready for that sort of thing yet.
Afterward, they moved on without repeating it; they didn't talk about those kisses for a long time, but ignoring it all felt too awkward. So, on a cold December afternoon while spending the day together, Willow found her mind racing with thoughts about the matter.
She wondered if the idea of kissing again would seem strange to Michelle after so much time had passed.
So she tested the waters: she asked Michelle for a kiss. She phrased it as if it were a joke—just a bit of fun—so that if it turned out to be too awkward for Michelle, she could simply pretend nothing had happened.
To her surprise, the other girl said it was fine and gave her a quick kiss right then and there.
It wasn't a big deal, but it left Willow deep in thought about the boundaries of their friendship.
Now, nearly three years later, Willow feels her feelings for Michelle have snowballed; if she doesn't address them quickly, they’ll end up running her over and becoming completely overwhelming. She needs to talk about her feelings for Michelle before the weight of it all hurts her even more.
She needs to confess her deep crush on the girl—something that’s been there since they were just kids—as well as her relentless desire to kiss her again and her insatiable urge to sleep with her best friend.
And she was going to do it today, during the sleepover they had planned. It wasn't unusual for them to have sleepovers throughout their years of friendship, but with college approaching and adulthood just around the corner, they realized they had limited time left for nights like that; so, when Michelle mentioned during a call that she missed their sleepover routine, Willow naturally went to spend the weekend at the Byers' place the moment she got the invitation.