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It started, as most disasters in the cabin did, with a pun.
"Alright, alright, I got one." Chance leaned back against the porch railing, arms crossed, the smug look of a person who'd been sitting on this joke for at least three hours and waiting for the right moment. "What do you call a kid who won't share their toys?"
007n7 idly swirled the water in his mug. "I don't know."
"Mine."
There was a pause.
Then 007n7 laughed.
It wasn't a normal laugh. It wasn't even remotely in the same category as a normal laugh. It started low, almost a wheeze, like something winding up, and then it dropped an octave, then two, unspooling into a rich, booming, genuinely villainous cackle that echoed off the porch beams.
Every single person within a hundred feet of the cabin stopped what they were doing.
Inside, Elliot went white as a sheet, spinning around so fast he nearly took out a lamp, one hand flying instinctively to his chest like he'd just heard a gunshot. Guest 1337, who'd been conveniently standing by Elliot, dropped the plate he'd been washing right into the sink, having being taken aback by Elliot's frankly equally startling reaction.
Builderman, originally immersed in conversation with Dusekkar near the fireplace, froze entirely, eyes going wide and distant in the specific way of a man having a flashback he'd hoped never to have again. Shedletsky's coffee mug hit the floor, and he actually startled himself backward hard enough to bump into the side table.
Dusekkar had gone rigid, staff halfway raised on pure reflex before he caught himself, staring at the porch door like something ancient and terrible had just crossed the threshold.
007n7 kept laughing, entirely oblivious, wiping a tear from his eye, wheezing out something that might have been "You'd call the kid mine--" before dissolving into another wave of it.
Taph, curled up near the window with a book, dropped it flat on their own face in fright. Noob let out a small, startled squeak and grabbed the nearest cushion like it might offer protection. Two Time, seated calmly by the fire a moment ago, had gone very still, tilting their head at everyone's reaction, cup of tea frozen halfway to their lips.
"WHAT," Veeronica said, from somewhere near the window, screen flashing red with alarm, "WAS TH4T."
Guest, still staring at his plate slipped into the soapy sink like it had personally betrayed him, managed only a strangled, "...I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't that."
Elliot had both hands braced on the counter now, breathing hard. "Oh my god. Oh my god, I forgot. I forgot that was a thing that existed."
"WH4T D0 Y0U M34N Y0U F0RG0T-"
"It's- okay, so... back before." Elliot waved a hand vaguely, still catching his breath. "Before all this. When he was still- you know. Doing the whole hacker thing."
Guest 1337 was listening in now too, slightly amused, hand on his hip and remains of dishwater still on his hands.
"That laugh. That exact laugh. Used to come through either the man who'd just barged into my front door, through the drive-thru intercom, through the- well, whatever- right before the server got griefed." His eyes had gone slightly distant, haunted. "You'd hear it and just know. Know something was about to go very, very wrong for somebody."
By now 007n7 had finally noticed the room-wide silence, laughter trailing off into confused, bashful hiccups as he registered the sheer number of stricken faces staring at him. His whole posture folded inward, cheeks going visibly red, horns dipping low like he was trying to physically retreat into his own hood.
"...What," he said, small.
"Your LAUGH," Chance said, looking personally wounded, one hand still pressed over his heart. "Dude. Dude, I have never been more afraid in my LIFE, we are literally in a death game."
"It wasn't that bad..." 007n7 began, sheepishly.
"IT W45 4 V1LL41N L4UGH," Veeronica said, still flickering with residual static. "L1K3, 4N 4CTU4L, T3XT600K, C4RT00N V1LL41N C4CKL3. 1 3XP3CT3D Y0U T0 GR0W A M0U5T4CH3 4ND ST3AL SUNL1GHT FR0M TH3 M00N."
"I don't- that's not something I do on purpose!" 007n7's hands came up defensively, a sure sign of just how mortified he was. "It's just- it's how it comes out! I can't control the pitch, it just goes there!"
Builderman had gone quiet through all of it, one hand pressed slow over his own face, dragging down like he was trying to physically wipe the memory back out of his skull. "Heights above. I forgot what that used to do to a man's nerves." He shook his head slowly, something old and rattled sitting behind his eyes. "Used to hear that comin' through the feed right before whole systems dropped offline. Learned real quick that laugh meant it was already too late to stop whatever was comin'." He gave 007n7 a long, faintly haunted look. "Didn't expect to hear it again over a knock-knock joke, is all."
"It wasn't even a knock-knock joke-" 007n7 sputtered.
"Don't matter what kinda joke it was, son. My heart ain't knowin' the difference."
"That is SOMEHOW WORSE," Chance called from the porch to Builderman in the main room. "Man's out here traumatized by a dad joke!"
Shedletsky had finally peeled himself off the side table, still pale, pressing a hand to his own chest like he was checking his heart was still going. He shook his head slowly, the expression of what could only be described of mock-terror plastered onto his face. "I need a minute."
Dusekkar gave him a look that said something more like 'you've-only-dealt-with-this-once', much to Shedletsky's chagrin at successfully triggering the outrage of his fellow admin.
"You and me both," Builderman muttered.
Dusekkar, still visibly rattled, finally lowered his staff the rest of the way, though his voice still carried a faint tremor of remaining shock. "I confess, friend, in all my years, few sounds have struck such genuine fear straight through these old admin ears."
"It was ONE dad joke," 007n7 said, mortified now, sinking lower into the porch railing like he might physically disappear into it. "Chance told me a joke about KIDS not sharing their TOYS."
"In my defense," Chance said, still a little pale, "I didn't know that was a possible outcome! I have made that exact joke to at least six other people in this cabin and gotten, at best, a groan."
Taph, recovering behind their fallen book, signed something quick and pointed toward 007n7. 'do it again!' clearly delighted despite the fright.
"Absolutely not," 007n7 said, catching the sign and going even redder. "No. Never again."
Noob, still clutching the cushion, peeked out from behind it. "I-I think I liked it? Once the fear went away?"
"See, THAT'S the concerning part," Chance said, dropping dramatically onto the couch beside 007n7 and clutching his arm like a man who'd survived a war. "It's TERRIFYING and now I want to hear it again. That shouldn't be possible. That's a design flaw."
Two Time had finally set their tea down, composure mostly restored, though something almost like genuine delight flickered behind their usual calm. "I confess I hadn't expected tonight to hold something quite so memorable."
"Well NOW you know," Chance said, undeterred. "Never again. We test all future puns on literally anyone else first. 007's laugh goes through screening now. Committee review. The works."
007n7 buried his face in both hands, ears fully aflame now. "I hate all of you."
"N0 Y0U D0N'T," Veeronica said, cheerfully, patting him on the shoulder, screen glowing warm despite the lingering static of alarm. "BUT 1'M 4LR34DY TH1NK1NG 4B0UT WH4T 3LS3 M1GHT M4K3 Y0U D0 TH4T 4G41N."
"Absolutely not," 007n7 said, muffled, from behind his hands. "No. That laugh is retired. Just like me. It's gone. You imagined it."
"Buddy," Elliot said, still catching his breath, a fond, exhausted smile finally breaking through the residual terror on his face, "I have never imagined anything so vividly in my entire life."