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Ennis ended the call with Jack's wife, now his widow, and stood there in front of the landline phone for minutes and minutes, staring at it as if that would take away the inexplicable feeling The pain was so overwhelming it was almost suffocating him. He placed a hand on his chest, right above his heart, which was beating so hard it felt like it could explode. He clutched the already crumpled t-shirt he was wearing. And then his ear started ringing and he began to remember. He remembered years ago, when he and Jack were only 19 and they first met. Two shy boys – Jack, not so much. He remembered the first time they kissed, the first time they did everything. And then he remembered how he felt afterward. The fear. The guilt. The anguish. Thanks to all those feelings, Jack was now dead. And all Ennis knew was that the last time they saw each other, they fought. He was an idiot. Jack just wanted a life by his side And what did he do? He ran away. Just like he did every other time.
His heart began to beat faster, the ringing in his ears growing louder. He felt his breathing quicken, almost choking him. Perhaps it was choking him. Then a knock from outside the phone booth caught his attention. He turned and saw a man who looked annoyed by his delay. He staggered out. The man snorted, He murmured a "finally" as he entered and slammed the cabin door shut.
Ennis staggered to his truck and got in, slamming the door shut. He was panting, his vision blurred, maybe it was tears, he didn't know, he didn't know anything.And then he screamed. He screamed as loud as he could. He hit the steering wheel hard, once, twice, three times, while cries of anguish escaped his throat, which began to burn.
And then, tears began to stream down his face. Ennis wasn't a man who cried, not at all. And there he was, sobbing, tears streaming down his face, his cries now hoarse, almost nonexistent. He banged his head on the steering wheel, crying. Jack was dead. If they didn't have a chance before, then now they never would. Never. Ennis wasn't a religious guy, he didn't believe in life after life, I knew I wouldn't see Jack again. And even if something really did exist, what difference would it make? He would burn in hell for eternity. There was no way, no means to have Jack again. She would never again have his kisses, his touches, his hugs, his voice. Nothing.
"Ennis?"
Ennis woke with a start, panting, his bare chest rising and falling rapidly. He felt sweaty hair clinging to his forehead, and tried to figure out where he was, but the darkness wasn't helping. He felt a gentle touch on his shoulder He turned around and, even in the dark, he recognized that touch, that silhouette. Over time, his eyes adjusted to the darkness, and it became easier to see Jack, who was looking at him with concern.
"Hey, it's okay..." Jack said, his voice hoarse as if he'd just woken up. He stroked Ennis's shoulder tenderly, carefully, in that way Ennis always longed for when they were apart.
Ennis stared at him, then leaned toward him, resting his forehead against the space between Jack's neck and shoulder. He sighed. He was home. On the small farm, far from everything and everyone, They themselves built the small house where they now slept. Five years have passed since Ennis mustered his courage. Since Ennis chose love over fear. After all, as Jack liked to say, "you only live once."
"I... had a bad dream," Ennis murmured with that thick country accent. Jack kissed the top of his head.
"Yeah, I noticed," he chuckled softly and hugged Ennis, pulling him close. "Want to talk about it?"
Ennis shook his head negatively. Jack gave him another kiss on the hair.
"All right..." Jack guided him until they were both lying down again, with Ennis's head resting on Jack's chest. "Cheer up, it was all just a dream," Jack said. "Oh, and Alma Jr. is coming to visit tomorrow. Good news, huh? Maybe I'll buy some canned beans for her to try."
Ennis couldn't help but let out a low laugh. He snuggled closer to Jack.
"She would hate it," he murmured. He sighed and closed his eyes. "I... I love you. I know I don't say it much..."
Jack interrupted him with a kiss. When they parted, Jack said with a loving smile.
"I know, Ennis. I know... I love you too."