Chapter Text
Charlie browses the aisles of his favourite bookstore one evening, with nothing particular in mind. He's always liked to read, but lately, coming to this bookstore after work a few nights a week and browsing the shelves has become somewhat of a ritual for him. His routine is to find something interesting to read and spend a few hours doing so, sitting in the fluffy lounge chair in the corner of the store. Sometimes Isaac joins him but usually he's on his own.
Charlie decides on the Historical Fiction section and he scans the books, hoping that one will catch his attention.
"Is there anything I can help you find today?"
Charlie turns to see one of the employees, a young woman with dyed bright red hair and dark thick-rimmed glasses smiling at him. He's seen her before. She's always been friendly to him at the register whenever he purchases a book. Her name tag reads "Samantha".
"Oh! Well, would you have any recommendations for Historical Fiction?"
She nods, tracing her finger along the row of books. "Here." She lands on a book, pulling it out from its place on the shelf. "'Atmosphere' by Taylor Jenkins Reid. Have you read it?"
She hands the book over to Charlie and he glances at the cover. "I've read a few of her other books but not this one."
"It's her newest novel and it's really good. I'd definitely recommend it."
"Thanks." Charlie smiles at her.
"Anytime. Happy reading!"
Samantha walks away.
Charlie yawns as he makes his way to his usual spot. He had a busy day at work and he contemplates whether he should get a latte before settling in, to get a bit of an energy boost so he doesn't end up just napping instead of reading. There's an adjoining coffee shop attached to the bookstore that has what Charlie would consider the best coffee in town.
He places the book down on the round side table beside the lounge chair and walks towards the coffee shop.
Hmm… vanilla or hazelnut this time?
Charlie stops in his tracks.
From a distance, he immediately notices the broad shoulders, the copper-blonde hair, and the strong-looking biceps that are defined under a grey blazer, belonging to the man standing in front of the till of the coffee shop, placing an order.
No. Is it really? It couldn't be… could it?
The man turns his head, enough for Charlie to see his side profile but not enough for the man to spot Charlie.
Charlie's breath hitches. It's those same freckles, sprinkled across his cheeks.
Nick.
Nick, who Charlie hasn't seen in over four years.
Charlie steps behind the nearest shelf of books. He knows hiding from Nick is probably a pretty ridiculous choice, but his heart is racing so fast that actually facing Nick right now feels impossible.
Charlie can't help but peek between the books on the shelf, keeping Nick in his sights. Nick stands, waiting for his order, looking down at his phone.
"Order for Nick!" the barista calls out, placing two drinks at the pickup counter.
Two drinks?
Nick slides his phone back in his pocket and reaches for the drinks. "Cheers!" Nick says, nodding at the barista.
God, his voice is still the same. So rich and smooth.
Nick turns, drinks in hand, walking in the direction of the bookshelf that Charlie is hiding behind.
Without thinking, Charlie bolts down the aisle, away from the direction that Nick is heading in. He wants to find the nearest exit as soon as possible. He spots a door not too far from him and he leaves the bookstore, not looking back.
There's no way Nick saw me, right?
Charlie doesn't give himself the chance to find out because before he knows it, he's back in his car, driving home to his flat.
*****
Charlie is lying face down in his bed, a couple hours after seeing Nick. He plopped down there as soon as he got back home and he hasn't really moved since. His mind swirls with thoughts of Nick, replaying the scene in his mind.
Why did I run and hide?
I couldn't have just said 'hi' like a normal person?
What's the worst thing that could have happened?
But Charlie knows the worst thing that could've happened is that encountering Nick could've undone all the work he's put into moving on. He's had to mend his broken heart back together and he can't risk the pain of it breaking again.
Charlie thought he was over Nick but after what happened tonight, he's quickly realising that might not be the case.
He's tried to see other people over the past four years. He's been on dating apps and countless first dates. He's even been in two relationships, one that lasted for four months and the other half a year. But the only way he can describe how he felt through all of it is lonely.
Who knows what Nick's life circumstances are like now. He could be with someone. He was getting two drinks after all. Who was it for? Charlie knows it's none of his business but he can't help but wonder. What if he has a girlfriend? A wife? A husband?
Charlie squeezes his eyes shut, holding back tears.
What if Nick's happy now? I shouldn't disrupt that.
He rolls onto his back, staring at the ceiling.
Charlie had deleted Nick's socials a few months after their breakup. He just couldn't bear seeing Nick's posts and pictures pop up randomly on his phone from time to time. It would just make him cry. So as a result, he doesn't know anything about Nick's life anymore.
Charlie's phone buzzes from the pocket of his jeans, startling him. He sits up and checks it.
Isaac: bookstore tomorrow?
Charlie's heart races. He can't go to that bookstore tomorrow. In fact, can he ever go back? What if he runs into Nick?
Charlie: sorry tomorrow doesn't work :(
Isaac: that's alright, another time :)
Charlie swallows. He feels bad for turning down Isaac's invitation but he can't risk seeing Nick again. Or Nick seeing him. Would Nick even want to see him? Would Nick want to talk to him? Is there anything left to say between them?
Charlie would be lying if he said that he doesn't think of Nick from time to time, wondering how he's doing.
I could ask him.
Charlie immediately shuts down that thought. He's scared to face the possibility of Nick not wanting to talk to him but what terrifies him more is the possibility that perhaps Nick does.
Charlie clicks on the 'Contacts' app on his phone, scrolling down to the letter 'N'.
He pauses when he sees Nick's name with his number below it. At least, that was Nick's number four years ago. He could have a different number now. In fact, Charlie has changed his own number since. Nick very well could have also.
Despite deleting all of Nick's socials, Nick's number was the one thing Charlie couldn't let go of. He wasn't sure why but here it is, staring back at him four years later.
His thumb hovers over the 'Call' button on the screen.
What am I doing?
Charlie tosses his phone onto the mattress and digs his head into his pillow.
"Fuck!" his voice muffles through the pillow case.
He wonders how seeing Nick can affect him this much, even after all the years apart. But he can't live his life now in avoidance of Nick. Never go back to his favourite bookstore with Isaac? Feel nervous every time he's shopping at the local Tesco on the off chance that he could run into Nick? No. Absolutely not.
He sits up, grabbing his phone. Before he can stop himself, the phone is ringing. It rings once, then twice, then-
"Hello?"
It's Nick. Charlie can immediately tell. His heart pounds in his chest.
"Hi."
"Char?"