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Annette walked beside Mercedes, holding a basket of treats that the older girl was offering to any who passed by. She had claimed it was because she wanted everybody to get a boost of energy and a reward for their studying before their next set of exams. She was always doing stuff like that.
It made her life a lot harder sometimes. Not because she didn’t like helping, she did, but because it reminded her of how wonderful her older friend was.
She was selfless to a fault, kind and nurturing, always ready to listen, or gossip, or go shopping, or do just about anything Annette wanted to do, except running. Which- fair. Annette did not want to do that either.
She was Annette's oldest, and best, friend. She never would have made it as far as she had without Mercedes' support.
So was it any wonder Annette was in love with her?
How could Annette not love the girl who never treated her like a kid, despite being six years her senior? Annette got treated like a child even by people only a year older, something that had not fully stopped despite the fact that she was 17 now, which is basically an adult.
Her Mercie had never done that. They were companions from the start, just two girls against the School of Sorcery and then against the Officer’s Academy. Even when everybody felt leagues ahead, they had each other.
How could Annette not love the girl who smiled at her in a way that plucked at her heart? Who had her back in any battle? Who understands the shitty family situation she comes from and doesn’t think any less of her for it?
How could she not love the gorgeous, ethereal beauty that she spends all her time with? Her long blonde hair, her kind blue eyes, her soft curves and warm smile?
How could she not love the girl who holds her when she cries, who helps her study, who stays up late with her when she has too much energy to burn, who heals her wounds on the battlefield with her warm touches?
Annette knew it was silly, but she wanted to protect Mercedes. To incinerate anyone who dared to harm her. To take the legendary relic Crusher from her uncle, and grind whoever dared hurt her into dust. She wasn’t sure how easy it would be for her to bear its weight, but she thinks it would be weightless.
Annette wished she had been born a man, so that she might marry Mercedes and save her from the endless marriage proposals her father pushed on her. She wanted to do that anyway, but the nobility would never recognize two women. Especially two women with crests, who might otherwise further their bloodlines and secure their power.
The issue was one of the few things she could remember that made Mercie not only upset, but angry. Every time Mercedes complained about her newest marriage offer, Annette wanted to drop down on one knee and pledge her life to her.
Annette supposed, despite her complete lack of interest in men, that this would be her fate some day. With her father hiding away as a knight of Seiros, her uncle effectively has all control over who she marries. And as decent as he is, she knows the day will come when he forces her to get married to a man she does not love.
It makes Annette mad that Mercedes might suffer the same fate. She had long since resigned herself to that fate, not liking men, but Mercie does like men. She might one day find somebody she loves who can satisfy her stepfather’s desires. Or she might end up like Annie, loving a woman and being unable to be with them.
But Annette can never be that person. She came to that conclusion, too, some time ago.
Even if by some miracle Mercedes reciprocated her feelings, the best they could hope for is meeting in secret, a life of stolen kisses and whispered affirmations. Annette would still take it. Anything to be able to call Mercedes hers.
She hated the crest system. For what it was doing to her, to Ingrid who was in the same situation, to Sylvain and Felix, both desired for their crests when they only loved each other. For Ashe and Dedue, who some would insinuate are lesser for being without a crest, or a commoner, or for the simple crime of being from Duscur.
And above all, for hurting her Mercie.
Above everything else, she knew that as long as Mercedes was in her life in some fashion, she would be happy. But still-
“Hey Mercie?”
“Yes, Annie?”
“Have you thought much about what you want to do? Like, after school?”
Mercedes frowned and stopped walking. “No, I haven’t really. I suppose if I don’t find an acceptable man to marry before then I’ll just be shipped off to whatever man my father chooses. So I’m just trying to enjoy this time while I can, I think.”
“Yeah, that makes sense. I’d rather not think about the fact that my uncle will force me to marry some gross man some day either. If only we could run away. Or just marry each other.”
She screamed internally. Why would you say that???
Mercedes laughed it off, turning to fully face the younger girl. “Well, that would certainly be preferable. Spending my life with my best friend doesn’t sound so bad.”
“I can’t think of anybody else I’d ever want to spend all that time with. Who could even be good enough to take the number one spot in my heart away from you?”
“Oh Annie, you’re too sweet… You’ll find somebody you love eventually. And you’ll be married to someone who lets you love them, or you’ll run away with them and leave this all behind.”
“I could never leave you behind Mercie. I mean it. I’ve found somebody I love already and I don’t want anyone else.”
The words seemed to sink into Mercedes. She took the basket from Annette’s hands, setting it to the side. “Annie, I-” She clasped Annette’s hands in hers. “You will find somebody. Who loves you enough to leave it all behind.”
Annette frowned. She couldn’t help but notice the implication that Mercedes was saying she didn’t. No, that’s not fair. It’s Mercie! She would never be so deliberately cold. Annette was being childish.
“And I’ll get lucky and love the man I am betrothed to, and we’ll write each other letters, and I’ll sneak out into the city and we’ll have tea and I’ll bring sweets and we’ll catch up whenever we can. We’re friends forever, and that won’t change, no matter what you do or where you go.”
She doesn’t get it. But… maybe that’s for the best.
“Right, yeah. Duh. Friends forever.”
Mercedes held out a pinky which Annette met, locking their fingers together. “Now, what say we hand out the rest of these sweets and get back to our dorm? I saved a few for you, of course.”
Annette forced a smile onto her face. “Sounds amazing!”
The older girl returned her smile and turned down the hallway. Annette followed along dutifully, content to bask in the presence of the girl she loved.
After all, she had plenty of time left to confess.
5 years later, Annette was still in love with Mercedes.
Mercedes did not return her affections. Of this she was sure.
Somehow, Mercedes had found one of the fucking three women on the continent who could probably get away with marrying anyone they wanted. Byleth. The favoured child of the church who put an end to the continent spanning war. Who would have the guts to tell the woman who made success possible that she couldn’t marry who she liked?
Annette was happy for Mercedes. Liar. No really, she was! Mercedes deserved someone she loved, and to be allowed to be with them in front of the whole world.
But why couldn’t it have been her? Annette meant what she said all those years ago, who could even be good enough to replace the Mercie shaped hole in her heart.
She supposed she should be grateful, knowing she would always have Mercedes in her life but she couldn’t help but want more. She wanted Mercedes to be hers!
Annette rolled face down into her pillow and groaned loudly. She was being stupid and selfish. Her best friend found the love of her life. That’s a good thing! She just needs to get over it. Easy, right? Ok, on three. Getting over Mercedes. 1, 2, -
A knock sounded at her door. “Annie darling? Are you alright in there?”
Of course. Because nothing can ever be easy for her. “Yeah! All good!”
“Are you sure? You know I’m always happy to listen if you want.”
“Yeah, I’m sure. Just tired. Thanks, Mercie.”
“Ok, if you’re sure. Sleep tight.” The footsteps receded from the door. Annette smiled. She was always so caring and-
“FUCK!”
Annette threw her face back into the pillow and screamed. She thrashed about helplessly on the bed, kicking at the air before weakly collapsing back on the bed. She curled into herself, laying on her side and clutching the pillow like a lifeline.
“Gods fucking dammit, grow up Annie. She doesn’t love you like you love her, just move on already.”
She screamed one more time, muffling it in the pillow again. Tears stained the pillow where her face pressed in.
The door swung open violently and Annette turned to see Mercedes at the door. “Annie… What's wrong? And don’t tell me you’re fine! My best friend is in tears and I want to help her.” She moved to the bed, sitting on the edge and patting the younger girl's leg affectionately.
“Ok, I’m not fine! So what? I’m just being childish and stupid. I don’t want to talk about it.” She rolled over, facing away from Mercedes.
“Well if you’re not feeling up to talking about it, perhaps we can have a sleepover. Just like old times! Wouldn’t that be nice?”
“...Not tonight Mercie. I think I just need to be alone right now.”
Mercedes withdrew her hand and remained silent for a moment. “I- If you’re sure. I’ll be just next door if you change your mind, or need anything at all.”
“Okay.”
Mercedes left the room without another word.
The second she left the sobs returned, wracking Annette’s entire body. She tried desperately to hide her sobs and wails in the pillow.
Maybe all those people at school and the academy were right. Maybe she was just a stupid, selfish, weak little kid. Pining for years after a woman who had never shown interest in her in that way. Not being able to be happy for her best friend. Never confessing her feelings.
Would it have made any difference if she had? Or had she always been just Mercie’s little sister? Had she lost her opportunity or did it never exist in the first place?
Maybe it was time to run. To leave the nobility and crests behind and make a life for herself. To leave everything behind. Even her. Especially her. If she can’t get over it, maybe she can forget about it.
Dear Mercedes,
Please don’t hate me. I can’t stay here, as much as I want to. I can’t get married to a man I don’t love. Even if it’s Sylvain or Felix, I can’t pretend to be in love with someone I’m not in love with, and I can’t keep pretending not to be in love with someone I’ve loved for years.
I need to leave. Maybe that will let me finally get over you. I’ll always care about you, that’s never going to change. But I’m also in love with you. And I have been for a very long time.
I know you don’t love me the same way, and I know I’m probably just going to hurt you by saying this but I can’t stay and watch you with Byleth. Not yet. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for you. You deserve this. You deserve her. But you deserve better than a friend who will secretly be wishing she was in your partner’s place.
Don’t worry, this isn’t the end for us. I just need some time to figure myself out first. One day, I’ll have my shit sorted out and I’ll come back and we can have tea and sweets and catch up. If you don’t hate me. If you still want to. But for now, I’m leaving.
I don’t know where I’ll go, and I wouldn’t tell you if I did. Sorry! I don’t think I could say no if you asked me to come back.
But while I’m gone, I hope you have the best, most fulfilling, romantic life with Byleth. I hope you’re happy and safe, and I hope you remember to think about yourself every now and then.
Until then, I’ll miss you. I love you.
Your friend forever,
Annette