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It was late at night, around two o'clock in the morning.
Normally, he would have been asleep by this time, but for some reason, he was wide awake and couldn't sleep.
He simply did nothing, gazing at the moon.
What was that person doing now?
Suddenly, that thought crossed Feliciano's mind. He immediately shook his head.
No. I decided to keep these feelings locked away deep in my heart. He scolded himself and looked at the moon again.
It was a full moon.
The moon gently shone upon Feliciano. The city he looked down at from his window was chilly, and there were hardly any people around.
But at the same time, Feliciano liked this stillness.
This city, usually bustling with tourists, revealed a hidden side only at night.
It captivated anyone who had seen it. No, it was impossible not to be captivated.
The phone rang from the hallway. As soon as he picked up the receiver, a chorus of voices rang out.
"Feli-ciaaano!!!! How are you?! It's me! It's Gilbert!"
Gilbert's high-pitched voice, resonating from head to toe, made Feliciano jump.
"Feliciano?...Huh? Are you asleep?"
"Ciao, I'm awake. What are you doing here at this hour?"
Then, the other person burst into loud laughter, seemingly amused by something. Perhaps they were quite drunk.
"See? I told you so. Feliciano's awake. What? Don't involve innocent people? It's fine.
Elizabetha's far away at a girls' night out, Lutz's completely drunk, and so is Antonio. Besides, from the looks of it, they're not completely unrelated..."
A crashing glass echoed, followed by what sounded like Gilbert bumping into the table. Immediately afterward, Gilbert's angry shouts could be heard: "What are you doing?!"
The already lively bar became even more boisterous. The voices of the drunks heard over the phone were all slurred.
This is getting pretty dangerous, Feliciano thought.
"...Gilbert, are you alright? Um, could someone tell me where the tavern is? Anyone will do."
Just as he thought no one was listening,
"It's the tavern very close to your house. You've been there before, haven't you? Come and get me quickly, Feliciano."
A voice that sounded eerily familiar rang in Feliciano's ears.
Hearing that, his breath stopped for a moment.
He wanted to say something, but no sound came out. But the other person hung up without waiting for a reply.
There was no right to refuse.
No, there was no right to refuse at all.
If you're called, you have to go.
Even if it's the person you've had a crush on for so long.
"Roderich..."
Feliciano called out the name of the man he loved.
It was a secret love that he must never reveal to him, that he must never let him find out.
When Feliciano became aware of those feelings, he naturally chose to distance himself from Roderich. Being close to him made me feel like I'd say something I shouldn't have.
Occasionally, he would look at me with eyes that seemed to want to say something. With a gaze only Feliciano could understand, he posed a question.
How did he get through that? Feliciano never remembers.
What he did remember for sure was that his feelings for Roderich grew stronger each time he met him.
Repeating self-questioning, struggling with his disorganized thoughts, Feliciano wandered the night streets.
The nighttime temperature in this city was in the single digits. People craved alcohol to warm themselves. Here, everything—alcohol, women, everything—was available.
Someone called it paradise on earth. The Pax Romana must still be continuing, albeit in a different form.
Feliciano hummed a tune. A song his grandfather used to sing to him when he was little. A smile unconsciously spread across his face, and his steps became a little lighter.
The tavern was just ahead.
Feliciano walked on, a mix of anticipation and anxiety filling his heart.
Upon arriving at the tavern, Gilbert immediately jumped on Feliciano.
"Feli-chan! I've been waiting for you! I've been lonely because you haven't been to any parties lately! Order another beer! Feliciano, let's have a drink!"
Feliciano was bewildered. He looked for Roderich, but he was nowhere to be seen.
"Wah, Gilbert, where did Roderich go?"
Gilbert looked around. He blinked in confusion.
"He'll be fine. He'll be back soon. I told him repeatedly to stay within sight. He can't just wander away from the tavern."
Feliciano imagined Gilbert's anguish. He pictured Roderich stubbornly refusing to listen, no matter how many times he'd told him.
Inside the bar, the sounds of banging and crashing from the drunkards everywhere were making a racket.
Amidst the noise, Gilbert thrust the beer that had been brought to their table towards Feliciano.
"Come on, let's drink. Wow, I'm really lucky to be able to drink with Feliciano... Alright! A toast to our friendship!"
"Cheers," Feliciano said, clinking his glass against Feliciano's and taking a sip. How long had it been since he'd had a beer?
After the face of his best friend, from a famous beer-producing region, came to mind, the outline of the person he had a crush on vaguely came to mind.
He'd been at a celebration once, where beer was served. That person seemed normal, but they were definitely giddy.
He'd seen a faint smile on that person's face with his own eyes.
"Feli, you seem to be in a good mood. Was the beer that good?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah! The beer here is really good!"
"Right? You really understand, Feli."
I talked to Gilbert about all sorts of things. Small talk, the World Conference, friends, and so on. He always kept the conversation lively.
After smiling and thinking, "That's Feli for you," Gilbert was called away by Francis. He stood up, holding his beer mug.
"See you later, Feli. It was a short but fun time. As a thank you, I'll tell you something good. The precious Roderich is sleeping over there. Thanks for picking him up. That was a big help."
Following where Gilbert pointed, I saw Roderich dozing off in the corner. I had never seen Roderich so drunk before.
"...Is Mr. Roderich always like that?"
"No? He usually keeps himself in check. It's rare for him to be like this. Well, it's good he's not the type to get drunk and cause trouble. Though I'd like to see that too!"
Gilbert laughed and headed towards Francis.
Feliciano slowly approached Roderich. "Mr. Roderich," he called out softly.
He immediately opened his eyes and looked at Feliciano.
"Ah, you came. Gilbert forced me to drink today. Honestly, he's a troublesome man.
...Feliciano. I'm sorry to ask, but could I stay at your place tonight?"
"Eh?" a small gasp escaped his lips.
Of course. He had never imagined his beloved would stay at his house.
He had only thought he would take him to a nearby hotel. Who would have imagined he would come to his house?
"...Feliciano?"
He looked up hastily at the sound of the voice.
In that instant, his eyes met those beautiful amethyst eyes.
Roderich was peering into Feliciano's face. Realizing how close they were, Feliciano felt dizzy. Was the beer starting to take effect?
"R-Roderich, haven't you booked a hotel? Shouldn't you book one now?"
"...This banquet was decided on rather suddenly at Gilbert's suggestion, so we haven't booked a hotel. Everyone will go home wherever they feel comfortable.
I thought we could rest at your house, which is surprisingly comfortable, but if you don't want to, then so be it."
Would anyone nod in agreement to that?
Feliciano shook his head vigorously. The other person nodded.
"Then, please lead me to your house. You don't need to carry me. I can walk on my own."
Roderich stood up, but his steps were a little unsteady. It seemed Gilbert had gotten him quite drunk.
Feliciano silently supported Roderich. They left the tavern together. A strong wind was blowing.
"It's cold, isn't it?"
Roderich said, shaking slightly.
"Yes, the temperature drops sharply at night here."
Feliciano thought it was a peaceful conversation.
At the same time, he realized his love would never be reciprocated.
This kind of casual conversation and laughter, this close, almost familial distance, was the most comfortable for both of them.
Besides, if he confessed, they could never return to this relationship. Never again would they be able to have this ideal, familial relationship.
Another thought suddenly occurred to him.
The thought crossed his mind that he might be mistaking affection for love.
But if that were the case, would he secretly steal glances at Roderich's fingertips, neck, and expression during the meeting?
Feliciano concluded that it wasn't affection. He had been harboring feelings like a plant buried underground for a long time.
He mustn't let this plant bloom. With that resolve, he walked through the town with his beloved. They were almost home.
They arrived safely. Feliciano immediately led Roderich to the bedroom.
"Roderich, it might be a little cramped, but please get some good rest tonight."
"You too. You haven't slept, have you?"
Feliciano's eyes widened at having the hidden fact suddenly pointed out.
"W-why?"
"Because you have dark circles under your eyes. I noticed it as soon as I saw you. One of the reasons I wanted to come to your house today was to let you rest, since you tend to overexert yourself at crucial moments."
"Y-you're amazing, Roderich."
"Don't flatter me. Just accept it and get some sleep tonight. What if it affects you tomorrow?"
Roderich pulled Feliciano into an embrace. His body jumped at his strong defense. His body temperature rose instantly.
"Drink some hot milk and go straight to bed. I'll make it for you."
Hearing the word "bed," Feliciano, whose thoughts had been frozen, suddenly realized something. He hastily looked ahead and saw a large, plush bed occupying the room.
That's right, this house only had one bed.
If things continued like this, they would both be sharing one bed.
Feliciano couldn't bear the thought of Roderich, who was already overly conscious of him, being by his side all night.
He resolved to sleep on the sofa no matter what.
"Um, Roderich. I'm sorry, but my house only has one bed. But I guarantee it's comfortable! It's incredibly soft! Try sleeping on it, you'll be asleep in an instant."
"Don't worry about it. I'll sleep on the sofa. You're tired, so you can sleep in the bed."
The words "go to sleep" vanished from his mind.
It was because Feliciano had hugged him so forcefully. Roderich's head hit the floor in the process.
"Feliciano! You idiot! What have you done?!"
Roderich was beating him angrily, but Feliciano wasn't listening.
He could have just said something, but his body moved on its own.
Then, "Roderich-san," the words slipped out.
His voice suddenly stopped. It seemed he was going to listen.
He really did love him. Now that he thought about it, ever since childhood, he'd loved his subtle kindness more than anything.
Feliciano began to speak, letting his emotions take over.
"I'm sorry for hitting you on the floor, Roderich. There's something I want to tell you.
Just now, you tried to move away because you were thinking of my best interests.
At that moment, I felt an overwhelming aversion.
Why? It's not even a question.
I...I...I like you, Roderich.
Of course, not in an affectionate way, but in a romantic way.
I don't know what started it. Before I knew it, I was in love.
I tried to hide these feelings somehow, but it was impossible. It was impossible.
I'm sorry, Roderich. You can just brush it off as a drunk joke.
I'll be back tomorrow. I'll be back to being the good boy Feliciano you usually are.
I always thought you hated me, Roderich. ...Don't make such a surprised face. If I didn't act that way, these feelings wouldn't stop.
I thought they would disappear with time, but that wasn't the case at all.
That's why, after picking up Roderich today, I was actually planning to drop you off and go home right away.
...But! But you! Why, why do you say things that shake my feelings...!
...I'm sorry, I said whatever I wanted. "I'm going to step outside for a bit to sober up."
Feliciano immediately tried to pull away from Roderich, but he was stopped forcefully.
With a strength Feliciano had never experienced before, Roderich embraced him.
Feliciano suddenly felt his heart rate skyrocket.
"...Feliciano. So that's how you felt about me.
I understand. It would be unfair for me to say nothing after you've told me everything.
Very well. I'll tell you everything too. Is that alright, Feliciano?"
Feliciano nodded. The embrace tightened even more.
"I noticed you were keeping your distance from me. I wasn't surprised.
Considering how I'd treated you up until now, I thought it was only natural.
However, whenever I saw you, I often wondered why you wouldn't come closer.
You'd always smile at Ludwig and Honda Kiku, but then you'd stare at me with an indescribable gaze.
If I got closer, you'd be scared. But if I stayed far away, I'd receive your gaze.
At this point, our distance had become a comfortable one, almost as if by habit, so there was nothing I could do about it now." I couldn't.
All I could do was accept this distance.
Even so, sometimes I couldn't bear it and would look at you.
You know my gaze well. You must have unconsciously read the emotions in my eyes.
At those times, you would immediately shut off your emotions.
There were times when I was at a loss, wondering if we would continue to misunderstand each other forever.
But this time, seeing you and Gilbert talking, I was overcome with jealousy.
Yes, I'll admit it. Feliciano, I was in the tavern from the beginning.
But... The moment I realized you were looking for me, I instinctively hid.
Why? Because I feared that if you found me here, your smile would disappear.
I was so captivated by your smile, Feliciano. I even found myself moving to be very close to you.
At the same time, I envied Gilbert for having your smile all to himself.
I don't know if he was aware of my hidden feelings for you, but thinking back, it seemed like we talked for quite a long time.
But I'll refrain from saying anything more about him.
As a result, you came to pick me up. I was able to see you. I was able to see your smile, even indirectly.
That was enough. No, more accurately, it should have been enough.
You should understand by now.
...Yes, that's right.
Feliciano, I love you.
I can confidently say that your smile is the most lovely thing I've ever seen.
When you confessed to me earlier, I desperately held back from interrupting you. I even thought that I couldn't bear the thought of you getting away now.
...It seems I'm more infatuated with you than I thought."
Roderich stopped speaking.
Feliciano repeatedly thought about the words he had just spoken. The destructive power of the words was too great to keep up with.
Above all, what did he say at the end?
As he searched for the answer with his brain half-short-circuited, Roderich quickly showed his intentions through action.
His delicate hands cupped Feliciano's cheeks. When Feliciano met his gaze, he cried out inwardly. Why, why are you looking at something so precious?
"It's alright, Feliciano. I'm nervous too."
Without waiting for Feliciano's reply, Roderich closed the distance between them in an instant.
Feliciano looked at Roderich's eyes up close again. His amethyst eyes, shining more beautifully than anything in the tavern, were breathtakingly brilliant.
A soft touch landed on his lips.
He heard the sound of his world changing.
That sensation, which lasted less than an instant, came a moment later, after Roderich had distanced himself.
"R-Roderich..."
"...Feliciano, I love you."
Roderich's words shattered Feliciano's last remaining defenses.
As he closed the distance again, Feliciano's embarrassment surged.
He was sure his cheeks were bright red right now. "I...I love you too, Roderich."
Roderich's fingertips traced Feliciano's cheek. Feliciano almost surrendered to the tender touch.
When their eyes met, there were no more words to exchange.
Feliciano gently moved closer to Roderich. When Roderich's warm hands wrapped around his back, Feliciano suddenly felt like crying.
It wasn't because he was sad. It was because of the overwhelming joy that filled his heart.