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Ringo would DIE for some cheese rn

Summary:

Made for my friend. She gave the prompt of cheese. So I shall write about cheese.

Notes:

I don’t think ringo is lactose intolerant but who gives a fuck this is a crack fic written at 9 pm in twenty minutes.

Work Text:

Ringo REEAAALLLYYY wants cheese right now.

Any sort of cheese will do.

But he can’t HAVE any cheese.

Because John is being a bloody WANKER saying “Ritchie ye can’t eat cheese, mate.”

He’s a grown man! He can eat anything he wants to! So what if he’s lactose intolerant!

“I want cheese!”

“Cor… yer acting like a mouse.”

“John. Give me cheese.”

“No.”

“Yes. Or else.”

“Or else what?”

Ringo points a gun at John. It’s probably the gun Elvis gifted to Eppy. Ringo doesn’t remember.

“RINGO WHAT THE FUCK”

“GIVE ME SOME BLOODY CHEESE!”

“OKAY!”

John stumbles to the kitchen to get some cheese slices from the fridge, before making his way back to the gun-wielding Ringo. “Here’s your—“

Ringo snatches it from him and gobbles it down like a wild animal

“Ringo you’ll be in the loo for hours after eating that shite.”

“I DON’T GIVE A FLYING FUCK GIVE ME MORE CHEESE!!!!”

“JESUS CHRIST, OKAY!!!!”

John gives him more cheese from the fridge.

Ringo eats the cheese.

˚₊‧꒰ ──── ୨ৎ ──── ꒱ ‧₊˚

John was right. He should NOT have eaten that cheese.

Explosive d word. I will not put it in any sort of detail because there are some people on here who will like it.

Ringo fucking DIES on the toilet. Constipation or hemorrhoids or something, I have little to no medical knowledge.

John realizes that Ringo had been in the bathroom for like an hour now so he knocks on the door, a cuppa tea in his hand

No response.

He attempts to open the door, expecting it to be locked. It was in fact unlocked, and he bursts through the door.

“Ringo? Are ye alri—“

Ringo is like half on the toilet and half on the ground, DEAD.

“Holy shite! Ye ended up like Elvis! Wait, how do i know that? Elvis hasn’t died yet…”