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Luka gazed at his reflection in the mirror. The fluorescent light in the bathroom made the dark circles under his eyes look even worse than they already were. He had been standing there for what felt like hours, though in reality it had probably only been about fifteen minutes, just staring at himself.
Luka hadn't slept the whole night. That was nothing new, really. He had lost count of the sleepless nights over the past few years. He would lie in bed, staring at the ceiling and overanalyzing every little moment that had probably meant nothing to Sergio but everything to Luka. Last night had been particularly brutal. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Sergio laughing or doing something dumb or, you know.. very Sergio-like.
And today, Sergio was getting married to Fernando Torres.
Luka had watched him come into Sergio's life and slowly become the center of his universe. He wanted to hate him so bad. He had searched for some kind of flaw that would make all of this easier and his anger justified. But Fernando was a good man, genuinely good in a way that made it impossible for Luka to hate him. He was kind and patient, and he made Sergio laugh in ways Luka had never quite managed. So how could Luka resent him?
Luka was happy for them, he really really really was. That was the truth, or at least part of it. A part of him was genuinely thrilled to see his best friend so happy, because if anyone deserved it, it was definitely Sergio. He had spent so many years searching for something like this and had been hurt by so many people who didn't appreciate him the way he deserved to be appreciated. And now he had finally found someone who would never take him for granted.
But there was another part of him, this small selfish part that Luka hated with every fiber of his being, that still wished he was the one in Fernando's place. That part of him had been growing and festering for years, reading too much into every little interaction he had with Sergio. It convinced himself, against all logic and evidence, that maybe, just maybe, Sergio felt something too.
Luka didn't even know how or when he had fallen for Sergio in the first place. He had asked himself that question a thousand times and had tried to pinpoint the exact moment when things started shifting, but he never could.
He didn't know if it was the way Sergio laughed. Sergio had always been the kind of person who commanded attention without even trying. So when he laughed, people couldn't help but smile, even if they didn't know what was so funny. And when Luka succeeded in making Sergio let out that very specific laugh, he felt like he had won something precious.
Maybe it was back in middle school, when Sergio had defended him from bullies. Luka had been small for his age and very quiet, so he had been an easy target for the bigger, meaner boys who had nothing better to do. He had been cornered after school and shoved against the wall. Sergio had gotten a black eye that day, but he didn't seem to care. He had just grinned at Luka, his lip split and bleeding, and told him not to worry about it.
Maybe it was the way Sergio believed in him, even when Luka had given up on himself. Or the way he'd show up at Luka's apartment with those terrible cliché movies and even worse takeout when Luka was feeling down, lying on the floor with him and doing ridiculous stuff until Luka couldn't help but laugh at his antics.
Or maybe it was the nickname he came up with for Luka. Lukita. No one else called him that, and he would never allow it, because it felt like a little piece of Sergio that belonged only to him. When Sergio said it, his voice softened in a way that made Luka's heart skip. Luka had never been able to understand why that stupid nickname meant so much to him.
There was no clear boundary that he had crossed, and that was honestly the worst part of it. This thing had just crept into his chest, attaching itself to his heart and becoming part of who he was before he even realized what was happening. And by the time he understood, it was already too late to get rid of it without destroying himself in the process.
He thought about it a lot, you know, the impossibility of it. If he could have pinpointed the moment he started catching these feelings, maybe he could have stopped it. Maybe he could have created some distance and protected himself from this inevitable pain that was slowly crushing him.
Luka bent over the sink, hands gripping the edges on both sides, head bowed and eyes shut tight. His arms trembled slightly with the effort of holding himself up. “Fuck,” he muttered under his breath, splashing cold water across his face. He did it again, more aggressively this time, letting the water run down his face and onto his collar. “Get your shit together, Luka.” He rubbed his face roughly with both hands. He couldn't fail Sergio, especially not today. Today was the most important day of Sergio's life and the day he had been dreaming about for years. Luka would not and could not let his own fucked-up self ruin it.
Luka took a shaky breath, rubbing his palm at his chest in a desperate way to attempt to rub away the dull ache that had taken up permanent residence there years ago. It was a habit he had developed, pressing his hand against his sternum as if he could physically push the pain away. It never worked, of course. The ache was always there, but he had grown so accustomed to it that he sometimes forgot it was there. But days like today, days when the pain was particularly intense, he couldn't ignore it. But today was about Sergio, and Luka would rather tear his own heart out with his bare hands than ruin this day. He loved Sergio far too much to let his own hurt get in the way. He would stand at that altar and make a toast, and he would do everything that was asked of him. He would do all of it and he would do it with a smile, because that was what Sergio deserved.
Luka studied his reflection, tilting his head, trying to see if the smile he had on his face looked genuine. It didn't. His eyes still held the pain he was trying to hide, but it would have to do. Most people wouldn't look closely enough to notice anyway.
He adjusted his tie, smoothing down the fabric, and made sure that everything was in place. He wore a classic navy suit, simple and elegant, nothing that would draw attention away from the grooms. He had spent way too long agonizing over the choice, but he still wanted to look good today. It was his best friend's wedding, after all.
Luka stepped out of the bathroom and took a moment to collect himself. He could hear muted voices from a few rooms down, probably other guests getting ready for the ceremony. Sergio's room was just a few meters away, but the walk to it felt like forever. Luka's hands were clammy, and he wiped them repeatedly against the fabric of his trousers, trying to shake off the nausea that had settled in his stomach.
The door to Sergio's suite was propped open slightly. Luka could hear Sergio humming to himself. It was that specific kind of off-key humming Sergio did when he was concentrating. Luka took one last moment to compose himself, rolling his shoulders back and taking a deep breath. Then he pushed the heavy wooden door open.
Luka spotted a discarded tie on the floor, probably Sergio's backup one, and garment bags and shoes scattered everywhere. In the middle of the mess stood Sergio, already in his perfectly tailored black tuxedo. The collar of his white dress shirt was open, showing the tattoos that crept up his neck. He was struggling hopelessly with his cufflinks, his fingers fumbling with the silver metals.
The moment the door creaked, Sergio turned. The frustration on his face melted away instantly, replaced by that familiar bright smile that had naturally been one of Luka’s undoing.
“Lukita!” Sergio exclaimed, the corners of his eyes crinkling and that little crease between his brows finally smoothing out. “Finally! Aren't you supposed to be helping me with this shit? I'm losing my mind here.” Sergio raised his wrists toward Luka expectantly, giving him that ridiculous exaggerated pout. It was such a Sergio gesture, and Luka, as always, had never been able to resist it.
Luka stepped into the room and shook his head, letting out a quiet, playful scoff. “Getting a little too impatient to get married, huh?” He teased, his voice steady despite the ache in his chest. He was proud of how normal he sounded, his voice light and teasing.
“Of course I am.” Sergio grinned down as Luka stepped close, taking the delicate silver cufflink from him. “I've been waiting my whole life for today.”
Ouch. A sudden wave of heat rushed to Luka's face. He lowered his gaze immediately, focusing on the cufflink so Sergio wouldn't see the crack in his armor. “There,” Luka said, stepping back and smoothing down the sleeve of Sergio's jacket. “All done. You look.. you look great, Sergio.” Sergio did look great, genuinely looking like he had stepped straight out of a magazine cover.
Sergio spun around and stepped toward the full-length mirror. He adjusted his collar, studying himself with a grin so wide it made his eyes turn into little crescents. He examined his reflection from every angle, clearly pleased with what he saw.
Luka stood a step behind him, watching Sergio's reflection. He had memorized every detail of that smile over the last two decades. He had spent his youth dreaming of being the sole reason for it, and for a long long time, he had been.
“I'm happy for you, Sergio.” Luka said softly, his voice betraying a slight tremor that he couldn't quite control. He swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the sudden lump in his throat. “You really.. you deserve all of this.” And he had meant it. He was happy for Sergio. So so so very happy. He didn't hate Sergio for not loving him back, and it wasn’t even his fault, because he didn't know Luka loved him like that.
Sergio turned around, his grin growing even wider. When he caught Luka's expression, he let out a soft, amused laugh, completely misreading it as his best friend being sappy. “Aw, come here,” Sergio said, stepping forward and opening his arms wide.
Luka stepped into his embrace, instinctively burying his face into Sergio's shoulder for just a moment and taking a breath to inhale his familiar scent. And then he started panicking, because what if Sergio felt the violent, irregular thumping of his heart? His chest was pressed right against Sergio’s, his heart racing so fast it felt like it might break through his ribs. Luka stiffened and pulled back quickly, breaking the embrace before Sergio could notice anything wrong.
He cleared his throat, pushing Sergio with a weak shove against his chest. “You're such an asshole,” Luka mumbled, his voice a bit unsteady. He hoped Sergio didn't notice.
Sergio laughed, that familiar warm sound Luka adored, and reached out to carelessly ruffle his freshly styled hair. “Yeah,” Sergio grinned. “But you love me anyway.”
Luka stared at him. If only you knew, Sergio. If only you knew just how much I love you and how much it’s destroying me to stand here and watch you marry someone else.
But he couldn’t say that. He couldn’t shatter the comfortable friendship they had built over two decades.
The next hour was spent on last-minute preparations. Luka found himself acting as a combination of personal assistant, emotional support, and general organizer. He fetched things Sergio had forgotten, reassured him that everything was going perfectly, and made sure the groomsmen knew where to stand. It was busy work, but he didn’t mind it at all, because it kept his hands occupied and his mind from wandering too far into dangerous territory.
Luka watched Sergio adjust his tie for what felt like the tenth time and watched him run his hands through his hair and then immediately apologize to the stylist who had spent an hour perfecting it. Luka could see the way Sergio was practically vibrating with nerves and the way he kept glancing at his phone, waiting for an update from Fernando.
“Lukita,” Sergio said, turning to him with a mix of nerves and barely contained excitement. “Do you think I look okay? Like, really okay? I want everything to be perfect for him.”
Luka smiled, a genuine smile this time, despite the ache in his chest. “You look perfect, Sergio. Fernando’s going to lose his mind when he sees you.”
Sergio’s face brightened at that. “You think so?”
“I know so," Luka smiled, reaching out and fixing Sergio's lapel. “Now stop fidgeting or you're going to ruin your hair, and then we’ll have to start all over.”
Sergio laughed and dropped his hands immediately. “You’re a lifesaver, you know that? I don’t know what I would do without you.”
⊰══════════⊱
The moment Fernando stepped through the entryway, a quiet hush fell over the crowd. Fernando was wearing a white version of the exact same suit Sergio had on. The white suit was perfectly tailored to his lean frame, and he looked like an angel. He looked stunning, really.
Luka risked a glance at Sergio next to him. He noticed the tears streaming down Sergio's cheeks, the same man who Luka could literally count on one hand how many times he had seen cry, now letting the tears flow freely at the sight of his groom. It was such a raw, vulnerable moment, so full of love and emotion, that Luka felt his own eyes welling up. He could see the way Sergio’s body had gone still, like he was trying to memorize every detail of Fernando’s approach.
Suppressing the violent throb in his heart, he reached into his inner jacket pocket and took out his handkerchief. He had to make sure Sergio looked his best on the most important day of his life. He stepped forward quietly, his movements careful and measured so as not to draw attention away from the groom. He gently handed it to Sergio, pressing it into his palm with a slight squeeze of his fingers. Sergio gave him an appreciative smile, his eyes full of gratitude. He wiped his tears quickly, not taking his eyes off Fernando for more than a second, and fixed his loving gaze back on him.
Luka stepped back into his assigned spot, his hands clasped behind his back. He forced his posture to remain straight and his chin lifted. His mind suddenly dragged him to the nights he had stayed up with Sergio, listening to him talk about his fears, dreams, and future. Luka had been there through it all. He had been there through the bad relationships and the career doubts and the late-night existential crises. He remembered one particular night, when Sergio called him at one in the morning, his voice unsteady and groggy after a messy breakup. Luka had driven to Sergio’s apartment, sat on the floor while Sergio sobbed on the couch, and told him over and over again that it would be okay. And he was right, because Fernando came along, and then everything changed. When his name came up, Sergio's voice became gentle and soft in a way Luka had never heard before. And Luka had smiled through all of it. He nodded when he needed to, offered advice, and helped him plan the perfect proposal.
He had helped plan the wedding of the man he loved. Because what else could he have done? Tell him? Ruin the only thing that brought Sergio ultimate joy? Force Sergio to carry the heavy, awkward burden of Luka’s unrequited love? No. No fucking way. Imagine how uncomfortable Sergio would feel. Luka loved him too much for that. He loved him so much that even the thought of causing Sergio even a moment of discomfort made his stomach turn. So he had buried every feeling so deep inside himself that sometimes he almost believed they weren’t there.
When it was time for the vows, Luka genuinely wanted the floor to swallow him whole. He had rehearsed in his head how he would stay composed and how he would keep his face neutral and supportive. But hearing the actual words, spoken with such love and devotion, was so much fucking harder than he had ever imagined.
Fernando stepped forward and gently took Sergio's hands. His thumb gently stroked over Sergio's knuckles. As he spoke, his voice almost immediately cracked on the first words. “Sergio..” Fernando began, wiping a tear with his shoulder. He took a moment to find the words he wanted to say. “I don't think I'll ever be able to put into words how much you mean to me,” Fernando continued. “You just.. You make me feel so seen, even on my worst days. Thank you for everything. Meeting you was the best thing that has ever happened to me.” He squeezed Sergio's hands, his eyes locked onto his. “I promise you, with everything I have within me,” Fernando continued, his voice filled with conviction, “that I will spend the rest of my life making sure you never, ever forget how much you are loved. Thank you for choosing me. You are my whole world, Sergio, and I love you with all my heart.”
Fernando’s voice broke on the last words, tears streaming down his face, and he had to pause to collect himself. Sergio's grip on Fernando's hands tightened. He was crying, his smile somehow still radiant through it all. Luka felt his own eyes welling up despite his best efforts to stay composed.
Then it was Sergio's turn. He cleared his throat, taking a deep, shuddering breath, and reached for Fernando's hands. His palms were sweaty and trembling, and he held on like Fernando was the only thing keeping him upright. Luka watched the way Sergio’s fingers intertwined with Fernando’s.
“Ah, Fernando, where do I even begin?” Sergio laughed through his tears, the sound catching in his throat. “I.. I honestly didn't know what love was until you came along. I thought I knew, I really thought I understood it, but.. I had no idea. It's like.. It’s like I was living in black and white this whole time before you came into my life.”
Black and white. Luka felt his breath catch in his throat. He knew Sergio didn't mean it maliciously. He knew Sergio was just trying to express how transformative his love for Fernando had been. But wow. Twenty years of friendship. Twenty years of being there through everything, and Sergio had been living in black and white. All those years and moments had meant so little in comparison to what Fernando brought into his life. Luka clenched his hands behind his back and had to look down at his shoes.
“You are the best thing that has ever happened to me,” Sergio continued, his voice breaking as he looked at Fernando. “I want to spend every single moment with you, no matter how big or small or boring they are. Thank you for keeping up with me, because God knows how stubborn I can be..” His voice cracked, and Fernando squeezed his hands gently, laughing softly through his own tears. The guests chuckled too, the sound filling the room. Luka smiled along with everyone else, his face muscles aching from the effort.
“And your freckles,” Sergio whispered, a tender, soft smile breaking through his tears. “Don't even let me get started on them. I could spend a thousand hours talking about them. They are my favorite thing in the entire universe. I want to memorize every single one, and I want to spend the rest of my life discovering the new ones. Fernando.. you are my forever home. You complete me. And I promise to love you until my very last breath.”
Sergio's vows had nearly undone Luka completely. The way his voice was so full of love with every word he spoke about Fernando made him feel sick to his stomach. Luka had been waiting for this feeling to go away for years. He had told himself over and over again that it would fade, that he would wake up one day and be free of it. And he tried, he tried so fucking hard to get rid of these feelings. He had gone on dates with other people, he had tried to find someone else to fill the void, and he had even thrown himself into work. He had literally tried every possible distraction he could think of, but then Sergio would do something, something so completely normal, and Luka was dragged right back to square one.
Luka looked at Fernando. He stared at the tears on the man’s cheeks, at the subtle dusting of freckles and the way he looked at Sergio. Fernando had been nothing but kind to Luka too, always including him and never once making him feel like a third wheel, even though that was exactly what Luka was. Fernando was just so kind and genuine, and - fucking hell. Luka felt like shit for even wanting to hate him. He was the one who had spent years loving someone who didn't love him back, convincing himself that friendship was enough. He had ignored every sign that he was setting himself up for this exact moment. He had known it was inevitable, and he had done nothing to stop it, instead he had let himself fall deeper and deeper until it consumed him. What kind of fucked up person does that to themselves?
He thought about all the times he could have said something and confessed his feelings. He could have told Sergio ages ago. Maybe Sergio would have felt the same way, and they could have been together. Or maybe Sergio would have rejected him and would have ended their friendship. At least then Luka could have really moved on. But he was too afraid of losing the friendship, and so he had chosen to do nothing at all.
Luka was now handing the ring to Sergio. He didn't remember reaching for it, nor did he remember pulling it from his pocket and giving it to Sergio. It was like his body was moving on autopilot, performing the actions it was supposed to perform while his mind was somewhere else entirely.
He watched Sergio's hands tremble as he held it. He watched Sergio slide it onto Fernando's finger and watched the thin platinum band settle into place like it had always belonged there. The ring was beautiful. Luka had helped Sergio choose it after all. He had stood beside him in that shop, had watched Sergio's face light up when he saw it, had smiled and said it was perfect. And it was. Then Fernando slid the matching ring onto Sergio's finger, and Sergio grinned.
Luka watched the officiant announce they could kiss. He watched Fernando step closer to Sergio, closing the small distance between them. Fernando cupped Sergio's face and wiped his tears away with his thumbs. He whispered something that made Sergio smile, some private joke or reassurance that was just for them, and then their lips finally met.
The kiss was long and tender, full of love and promise. Luka watched Sergio’s shoulders drop and the tension he'd been carrying all morning finally disappear. Sergio's hand settled on Fernando's waist, and he looked like he was exactly where he belonged.
When they finally broke apart, both of them were laughing and crying. They held each other tight, rocking slightly, their faces buried in each other’s necks.
Luka wanted to look away, but his eyes were unwilling to cooperate, and his chest actually felt like it was caving in. It felt like someone had reached inside him and was slowly crushing his heart into their fist.
The pain was agonizing, but he forced the smile back onto his face. He had a speech to give and a toast to raise to the happy couple. And then he had the rest of his life to watch Sergio love someone else.