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“Psst! Hey, you! You got a death wish!?”
You look up from where you’re unpacking your lunch at a table in the Aguefort cafeteria. A drow elf is waving at you hurriedly.
“Get over here before they come in and see you! You can’t sit there! That’s the Bad Kids’ table! Now move it!”
You’re new at Aguefort, having transferred from Mumple just two days ago, but there’s something about the fear in the drow elf’s eyes that makes you quickly pack up your food and hurry over to where he’s sitting.
“That was close, kid. You new here?”
You nod. “Just started here on Monday,” you explain.
“Well, be glad I saved your ass. I’m Max, by the way. This is your third day and you still don’t know about The Bad Kids?”
You shake your head. “No, never heard of them.”
“They’re legendary here – since day one of their freshman year. They definitely live up to their name.”
“How?” you ask. “What happened?”
“You know how this school is called ‘Aguefort Adventuring Academy?’”
“Yeah…”
“Well, we used to have a principal here named Arthur Aguefort. Crazy-powerful wizard, but he got shit done. But then they came. It’s said that they all got detention on their very first day of school; two of them got into a massive fight right on the front steps as everyone was coming in. Their leader, Fabian, just walked right up to this huge half-orc and socked him in the gut, right out of the blue. He started going on about how he was the greatest the school had ever seen, and he was destined to rule.
“He was right, you know. He’s in charge of everything; has been since probably halfway through his freshman year – and they’re juniors now. Anyway, Fabian got detention for that, sure, but he still tried out for the bloodrush team. He proved himself out there, became captain of the bloodrush team and he’s ruthless. You’d better get the play right or he’ll rip your ass in two. One of the cruelest sonsabitches I’ve ever seen. You know he killed his dad? Saw weakness in him one day and just stabbed him, right then and there, watched the life drain from his eyes, wiped his blade on the dead man’s jacket, and then headed out to prom.”
“That’s crazy.”
“I know. And then there’s the other guy he fought – Gorgug. Massive half-orc, his right-hand man on the bloodrush team, and the meanest guy you might ever seen. Dude’s always raging. Oh! So Fabian, he’s missing an eye – you know how he lost it? Gorgug. After Fabian punched him in the gut, Gorgug got super pissed, pulled out a pencil, and fuckin’ stabbed him right in the eye with it. That’s how they both got sent to detention. But from what I heard, Fabian liked his initiative and that’s why they work together now.”
You swallow audibly. “And that’s them? Fabian and Gorgug? The Bad Kids?”
“No, there’s more than just the two of them. “One of ‘em’s a tiefling, Fig. You’d think she was straight from hell, the way she is. Always lying and disguising herself. You can never be sure who to trust because she loves to sneak around and pretend to be other people, just to dig up dirt and see who’s saying what about them. She’s one of their spies.”
“How’d she get detention?”
“Broke into the teacher’s lounge, stole from the teachers, kept cutting class. Two others were caught stealing on their first day, too: Adaine, a high elf, practically royalty from Fallinel. Practically. It’s said that she failed her entrance exam to Hudol, where her sister goes, and that she was so upset that she stole this important book out of the library and then torched it. But she’s super high-and-mighty, thinks this place is below her, and she comes from money, like Fabian. You do anything to cross them, and not just you’ll pay, but your family, too. They can put the squeeze on things financially, or just hire people to rough up your parents or relatives. Don’t mess with them! I heard this one kid, Biz, kept trying to put the moves on Adaine and she had their goon goblin friend blow off half his fingers! All because he put an arm around her!
“And speaking of the goblin, he’s the other one who was stealing! Riz is his name. He was caught stealing from the principal himself. He stole the principal’s tea on a dare but got caught, which is why he got sent to detention.”
“Tea? Why’d he want to steal that?”
“I dunno, but he’s insane. He got himself tatted up like crazy during spring break his sophomore year. He killed our original coach, you know. Just ‘cause the coach didn’t like him. Called him puny, called him a ball. And so he shot him. Just point-blank, pulled out a gun and shot the dude in the face! Like I said, he’s insane! He obsesses over everything, and if things aren't perfect, if they don’t add up, he goes crazy. Goes feral like a wild goblin, starts biting people left-and-right, scratching them up; loves the smell of blood, that one. He’s a rogue, so he’s also great at hiding and listening in on people.”
Max pauses and looks around anxiously. He checks under the table and then opens his backpack and checks inside there.
“He loves to hide in backpacks and eavesdrop,” he whispers conspiratorially. “That’s how he catches you. He’s so small and slippery that he can hide anywhere.”
You begin to sweat at the thought of these teenagers hiding in plain sight, trying to rat you out for merely breathing wrong.
“...what about the last one?” You ask.
“Oh, Kristen. Their cleric. She’s… weird. Signed up for detention that morning, wanted to save the poor lost souls with the light of Helio. Well, things went south pretty fast for her. She got warped by the other Bad Kids’ personalities. She turned her back to Helio the same day she joined up with them, renounced her faith and created her own god. But then she abandoned that god for a different one, killed it almost the same day she created it. And then she did that again! Killed her second god! She worships the Nightmare King now; she’s the whole reason he came back into power, you know. Their sophomore year they were sent out to retrieve the crown of the Nightmare King to stop his rise to power, but Kristen was like ‘Nah, I like this guy,’ and started worshiping him. That’s why we get all these fucked up bad dreams now.”
“You said that the school used to have a principal named Aguefort?”
“Yep. Not any more, all because of them. They killed him. First day of school. They broke out of detention, fucked up old lunch lady Doreen pretty badly –I heard Fig wears her hair net as an accessory on her leg like a trophy – Adaine, you’d think she was the barbarian the way she beat Doreen within inches of her life with her own ladle! That’s why all of the food they serve here in the cafeteria is just creamed corn now; something went wrong with Doreen and that’s all she can make. The staff feel too bad for her to fire her, so now she’s just a husk of a person who scoops out creamed corn day after day.”
“And the principal?”
“Oh, right, so after they fucked up Doreen, the principal and guidance counselor came running to help. They fought the kids and Aguefort even managed to kill Gorgug and Kristen! But when he whipped out a phoenix egg to revive Doreen, they all ganged up on him and killed him and the guidance counselor! They used the egg to revive Gorgug and Kristen, and I think that’s when they formed their blood pact. The Bad Kids. always together, through thick or thin. Without the principal, Vice Principal Goldenhoard stepped up to rule the school. But then prom happened that year.”
“What do you mean?”
“The Bad Kids got upset that Fabian and Adaine didn’t win Prom King and Queen, so they attacked the prom. Goldenhoard even revealed himself to be a dragon to protect the kids, but The Bad Kids were too powerful. See, they had stolen Professor Aguefort’s special watch and stopped time during the battle to give themselves a full rest before continuing to beat down on Goldenhoard. And… And I saw it.”
Max shivers.
“I watched as Riz, that insane goblin, he and his- his MOTHER jumped down on top of the dragon and started eating him alive! He was still alive and they began to eat his face! It was terrible! Poor, poor Goldenhoard…”
Max sighs and wipes at his eyes, recalling the terrible screams of the dragon as he was devoured.
“Anyway, after that, The Bad Kids really made themselves the toughest of the school… They installed adults to help them – the new principal, Gilear – he’s just a puppet controlled by them. He’s Fig’s father, sort of… Except that Coach Gorthalax – you know, the literal pit fiend? – he’s her actual father. And the new guidance counselor? That’s Fig’s stepdad. He’s a werewolf, and he has a nasty drug habit. I wouldn’t go to him at all unless you’re looking to get fucked up.”
“These guys sound like bad news,” you mumble, looking at the empty table in awe and fear.
“Yeah… oh shit, here they come!” Max looks away as the doors to the cafeteria fly open with a ‘slam!’
In stride six teenagers, their heads held high, some sneering at other tables as they pass. You spot them all as they go – Fabian, the one with an eyepatch, leading the pack. Gorgug, the half-orc with the largest ax you’ve ever seen, casually swung over his shoulder. A small, green goblin sits on Gorgug’s other shoulder, flipping a knife in the air and catching it. His sharp fangs catch your eye and you could swear you see blood on them. Behind them are the girls, Adaine looking flawless, her cold, blue eyes sweeping across the cafeteria as she looks for someone to bully. Fig catches your eye as she goes by and she sticks out her tongue, a silver stud in the middle. And lastly Kristen, red hair cut short, a staff of gnarled, blighted vines in her hands, forming the shape of a scythe blade.
They are The Bad Kids.
Fig skips over to Gorgug and motions for him to bend over. She whispers something to Riz, and he hops down off of Gorgug and then vanishes from your sight. Your blood runs cold as you wonder where the rogue has vanished to. Suddenly he’s in your face, and you can see his freckles and pimples with too much clarity and yes, that is blood on his fangs.
“Oh look, fresh meat,” the goblin sneers. He grabs your lunch bag and tears it open, ripping the paper bag to shreds with his claws.
“What are we eating today?” he wonders aloud. He looks at your sandwich and gives it a sniff. “Mmm, chicken parm. Don’t mind if I do.” He shoves the whole sandwich in his mouth and gnashes loudly and violently. “Oh, where are my manners? Did you want some? Here, let me share.” He pulls up your unresisting arm. “Hold out your hand.” You do so.
Riz spits out a huge wad of chewed chicken parm sandwich into your outstretched hand.
“Go on, have some,” he taunts.
You freeze in place, unsure what to do.
Riz swallows loudly. “What’s the matter? Don’t like my gift?” he laughs, a high, reedy laugh “Eeee heeeheeheehee!”
“Hey Gorgug, the new kid doesn't want to eat his lunch! Can you help him out?”
Gorgug grunts and lumbers over. You’re not sure if you’re going to be able to stop yourself from pissing your pants as the half-orc towers over you. Gorgug reaches down, takes your unresisting arm, and pushes your handful of chewed food into your face.
“Mmmm, is that yummy?” Riz says loudly, earning a laugh from the other Bad Kids.
“Tell him it’s yummy,” Gorgug mutters in your ear.
“It… it’s so… yummy…” you manage.
“Good.” Riz turns to Max.
“Maxxy! How’s it going? Teaching the new kids the ropes, are you? I see our table’s nice and clean. Do we have you to thank you for that?”
“Uh, yeah… making sure no one messes with your stuff, guys!”
“Oh, that’s so sweet of you! But I heard you’ve been telling the new kid some lies, haven’t you? I’m not insane! I won’t bite you if you look at me wrong!” Riz lunges and snaps his fangs at Max and once more laughs his reedy laugh when the drow elf flinches.
“I - I didn’t say that, Riz! I swear!”
“Oh, don’t lie to him,” you say.
Max looks over at you, first in confusion, and then in horror as your disguise melts away to reveal the form of Fig.
“Oh, Max, you were sooo cautious to check your backpack but you forgot to see if I was real,” you coo. You cast Prestidigitation to remove the smear of chewed food off of your face and hand.
“I think we’re all going to have to have a niiiiice, long talk behind the bleachers today about what’s true and what’s a lie, won’t we, Max?”
Eyes wide with pure terror, Max looks over pleadingly to the table where the simulacrum of Fig waves back at him. Fabian looks him in the eye and then slowly slides his thumb across his throat.
Max closes his eyes.
“Yes, Ma’am.”
“Good boy,” you say, patting him on the cheek. “Let’s go for a walk.”