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Riz hurt. His face hurt, his ears hurt, his head hurt…
*Crack!*
Fist met jaw and he added his mouth to the list of things that hurt.
Things had started off so nicely. He and Fabian had gotten married and went to Bastion City for their honeymoon. And if only they’d stayed in Bastion City, but no… Fabian had insisted before everything that they also spend some time on Leviathan to celebrate and that’s where things had turned… interesting.
Riz had been having fun, for sure, though he had begun to suspect that he was too easily convinced to party and when he got wasted, he made very impulsive decisions. Exhibit one being his tattoos. Oh, he didn’t get any more of those this time around, though Fabian had gotten a small tattoo of a bloodrush ball with ‘The Ball’ written around it and a heart in the middle. Riz found it very sweet. He would also later find it very poorly thought out, but at the time he had been floating high on something called ‘Angel,’ which made him literally float. His brain had been feeling so… bouncy with the drug, and he cheered on Fabian as his husband got the tattoo.
No, Riz avoided tattoos this time around, but he didn’t avoid the piercings. He had twelve new ones to show for his visit; five golden rings along the bottom part of each ear, plus two bars studding his right eyebrow. He knew Fabian would have fun tugging at those rings once they healed, which is why he got them in the first place…
And that’s why most of him hurt.
The jaw hurt because he was currently fighting in the Row and the Ruction along with Fabian.
It had started a few hours ago when, five shots deep, Riz got jealous of a half-orc hitting on his new husband – the jerk even suggested Fabian toss his ring overboard. Riz wasn’t going to have any of it, and the tequila had made him very feisty. Fabian was doing fine holding the guy off, but Riz had butted in, slurring and cursing in goblin that they could leave his husband alone or face the consequences. The half-orc pulled himself up to his fullest height, towering over Riz, but Riz, well, he just stood on top of Fabian’s shoulders, looked the guy square in the eyes, and hissed. In goblin, it was a fearsome challenge; a fight to the death, but the half-orc, not understanding, just laughed. So Riz pulled out his gun and shot him in the shoulder.
That the would-be adulterer took seriously.
That was not, however, how Riz came to be hit in the jaw. No, what followed next was the half-orc’s squad squaring up, ready to fight, and calling for the names of the ones who would challenge them. Riz had snarled out “Riz ‘The Ball’ Gukgak, AKA The Shrimp Majordomo!” and that rustled the jimmies of one Pepé the Dwarf who insisted that he was the Shrimp Majordomo. And that was how Riz and Fabian found themselves in the Row and the Ruction, fighting off pirates left and right.
To Riz’s credit, once he climbed up to the Ruction, the half-orc went down fairly easily; being shot multiple times does that to a person, after all. Fabian was holding his own down in the Row, punching and kicking, and when Riz glanced down at him, he had to admit that the blackening eye and split lip just made the half-elf more attractive in a rugged way.
Fabian’s honor defended, it was down to Riz and Pepé for the official title of Shrimp Majordomo. Riz’s ears were ringing, and he lost his balance on the netting, falling down into the Row below. Fabian, dutiful spouse, rushed over and caught the goblin before he could hit the ground, and helped Riz steady himself on his feet. They dodged more punches heading their way, and Fabian tossed the rogue back up towards the netting where Pepé waited. It seemed the dwarf had some high dexterity of his own – or maybe the five shots of tequila were just absolutely fucking up Riz’s tiny system – because Riz kept missing all his shots on the dwarf. It’s because he’s small, not a giant half-orc, Riz kept assuring himself. So how do I fight someone like me? Riz ducked beneath a thrown ax as he thought about this, and the answer his brain came up with was to vomit to the floors of the Row below. He heard many pirates cry out in disgust, but he paid no attention to it, though he did notice someone scrambling up the ropes and hunkering down next to him.
He turned to see Fabian, who reached out and began to lovingly rub a few circles on Riz’s back.
“Feel better, babe?” Fabian asked.
Riz wiped his mouth with the back of his arm and nodded. He felt a lot more clear-headed now that he got that out of his system.
“Stand back, Fabes. I’ve got this.” Fabian grinned and kissed Riz on the forehead.
“I believe in you. Spring Break,” he said, then backed up and away from the goblin.
Pepé apparently took a moment to get a Cure Wounds in from his party’s cleric. Unfair, thought Riz, but then he felt a cool rush of magic wash over him and he glanced over at Fabian. The bard had used a Healing Word to reduce the ache of his stinging jaw. Riz smiled at him and blew him a kiss. “Thanks, Fabes.”
With that, Riz decided to go with a tried-and-true method. He rushed at his opponent, dropping down and using the ropes to swing underneath and behind the dwarf. As he swung up, however, Pepé had prepared for this, and turned around, swinging his battleax in a wide arc where Riz was. Riz, however, merely used a Misty Step to vanish and appear on the opposite side of the dwarf – now his back – and ran the Sword of Shadows through Pepé’s back and out his stomach, dropping his hit points to zero.
Riz flashed a fang-filled grin and raised up his hands.
“I am the one and only Shrimp Majordomo!” he crowed, announcing his victory to the entire warehouse.
A voice up in the rafters called out “Witnessed!” and a small cheer rose up from around Riz, though the fighting down in the Row never ceased.
Fabian rushed up to Riz and scooped him up in his arms, peppering his cheek with kisses.
“Fabian! I’m covered in vomit and blood! Knock it off!”
“Hmmm, yeah, you’re right. But only until we get back to the Gold Gardens and take our bath!”
“Our bath!?”
“Did you think I wouldn’t come and scrub your back? Let’s go!” Fabian grabbed a rope and suavely slid down to the bottom of the warehouse, his (only verbally) protesting husband in his other arm, and the two headed back to their hotel room where Fabian would assault Riz with kisses and more once they had cleaned up.
All-in-all, it was turning out to be a pretty great honeymoon.