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Brian sat straight up above one blanket, lap covered with another. The room was dark, he couldn’t see the moon or the stars, because the windows had all been boarded up.
How has my whole life changed so much in a day? He thought to himself.
“Fuck.” He whispered.
Brian stood up in the living room, examining the room in case he never saw it again. He watched his parents’ and then his sister’s chests rise and fall as they breathed in their sleep. He watched them in case he never saw them again either. Then, he turned, kicking his blanket to the side and starting for the stairs.
He turned left at the top of the staircase. He quietly creaked open his bedroom door, shutting it behind him. Brian fiddled with the handle, locking the door. Brian took large steps to get over a dirty pile of clothes on the floor.
No point in doing laundry now. He told himself.
Brian opened his window, looking down at Starbuck, a smile rose into his cheeks, then fell immediately with the grim reality that he’d lose his dog too if this were the end of the world. Then Brian walked over to his bed, same large steps to get over dirty clothes. He sat on his knees, reaching a hand under his bed haphazardly.
He found a small plastic baggy with five cigarettes. He bought them from one of his friends’ older brothers. Originally he had exactly twenty, but that was about a week or two ago. He had bought the pack for two or three dollars. Incredibly overpriced, but Brian didn’t know that since the last high school kid he bought cigarettes charged him five dollars for five individual cigarettes loose in a shoe box.
Brian grabbed the lighter under his bed, he borrowed that from a different friend. Well maybe not a friend anymore since he broke the kid’s arm and was doing his best at avoiding him.
Brian rolled his eyes at the memory of the guy. His hands trembled a little while he tried to light the cigarette without dropping it.
Fuckkk just light the thing already.
The lighter burst into a larger-than-expected flame and Brian hurriedly waved it over the cigarette. He blew both out, before flipping to the orange end of the cig. He took a breath from the cigarette and felt his body relax momentarily.
The trembling of his hands stopped after a moment and he hid the lighter back under his bed. He strolled over to the window to watch his dog chase its own tail while he smoked.
Brian had started smoking six months ago, he did chores around the house and mowed lawns for money. He always smoked at night though, alone, it was quiet and optimal since his friends couldn’t keep a secret for their fucking lives.
Brian sighed as the cigarette started to burn close to his finger tips and stamped it out in the bathtub, running water over the ashes repeatedly.
He hid the cigarette butt in a second plastic baggy under his bed. He usually threw the butts into a trashcan onto his walk to school when no one was looking.
“I’ll find a way to get rid of these later.” He whispered to himself.
But what’s the fucking point if I’m gonna die here anyway?
Brian choked up, a few tears fell down his face. “Boys don’t cry.” He mumbled.
Fuck. He thought to himself, because he couldn’t stop the hot, wet tears from pouring from his eyes.