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The hallway is that peaceful type of quiet that's only achieved when everyone else forgets about the world for a while as they settle down in their own homes. San makes his way to his own familiar doorway with soft steps, pulling out his keys that jingle loudly in the soft quiet of the evening. The woodstock keychain glints in the lamplight coming from the window at the end of the hallway, illuminating the yellow figurine. He turns the key in its lock, and opens the door, and is hit immediately by the scent that he has now come to recognize as theirs. The soft yellow lights of their kitchen illuminate the doorway, as he steps inside.
He hangs his keys on their designated hook by the door, the matching snoopy keychain on the next hook already waiting for its partner to return home.
San takes his shoes off and places them on the rack next to the entrance, and makes his way into the apartment barefoot. His socks muffle his footsteps as he walks into the living room, a little confused by the general lack of light in the house. The only light in the house is coming from the kitchen, and San knows for a fact that Wooyoung is not in there, because if he was, he'd be singing along to some tune stuck in his head, and he'd be talking loudly to himself. But the kitchen is dead silent. And that concerns San. Because the house is never silent when he's home. He's pretty sure Wooyoung's not asleep, but he still makes sure by going to their room and checking on their bed. He also checks the reading nook near their window to really make sure he's not in the room because Wooyoung likes curling up into a ball like a cat and falling asleep there.
But he's not there either. So San goes to check their balcony, which is the only place that he hasn't checked yet, but knowing Wooyoung, he could very well be hiding somewhere to tease San.
So when San finds Wooyoung standing near the railing on their balcony, completely silent, his heart actually does something that might resemble a backflip if it were outside of his chest, and panic starts clawing its way up to his throat.
“Woo? Baby? Are you okay?”
Wooyoung startles and spins around, clearly having not heard San come onto the balcony.
“San! You scared me”, his hand comes up to his chest in surprise, and he smiles at San. But his eyes are distant.
“When did you come home?”
“I just came home, but… are you okay? You're awfully quiet”, San murmurs as he goes to hug Wooyoung from behind, his arms snaking around his waist.
Wooyoung just throws his head back against San’s shoulder and laughs, loud and unrestrained, and the knot in San’s stomach loosens itself a little.
“Why would you think anything’s wrong when I'm quiet?”
“Because you go quiet when you're thinking about something negative”, San states, resting his chin on Wooyoung's shoulder and turning his head to look up at him. “What’s going on in that head of yours, baby?”
Wooyoung's smile falters, and he turns his head to look at the bright skyline, hundreds of lights twinkling against the dark backdrop of the night sky. San can see the storm swirling in his muted eyes, blocking out the bright sparkles that they usually house. San loves his twinkling eyes. He gets worried when the sparkles disappear.
Wooyoung schools his expression into an easygoing smile that hides most of what's going on behind those eyes, before turning back to him. But he can't fool San. Not when the other knows him so well. San could be blindfolded, and Wooyoung could walk by, and he'd know that it's him.
“I’m thinking about whatever you're thinking about”, Wooyoung murmurs softly, putting on a soft smile and a convincing act. For anyone who's not San.
San simply hums in answer and kisses him. He turns him around in his grip and hugs him properly while bringing him impossibly closer all the same. Wooyoung's brows furrow as he melts into the kiss, his arms coming up to wrap around San’s neck.
“I missed you”, he murmurs into the kiss, but San doesn't let him separate their lips. Instead he kisses him harder, until he gives and opens his mouth. San licks into his mouth, his tongue pushing the other’s tongue, licking him and renewing the taste of him on his tongue after an extremely long day apart.
They spend a while like that, tongues duelling each other for dominance, but San ends up winning, and they end up with Wooyoung pinned to the railing, as they both pull back (not by choice) to catch their breaths.
“I missed you too baby.” San cradles Wooyoung’s face in his hand, and he brings the other one up to run his fingers through his long strands of hair that frame his face perfectly, making his stark features come off as softer. He kisses the mole under Wooyoung’s eye before saying,
“Your long hair really suits you.”
San softly smiles down at him. Wooyoung would never admit it, but he's only growing out his hair because San said he looked sexy with long hair once, and he keeps flaunting his hair to him to harvest some compliments. And San, ever the spoiler, loves indulging him. And if Wooyoung really enjoys it when San tugs at his ponytail when they're having sex, that's no one's business but his.
Wooyoung beams back at him, his sparkle returning with full force. Mostly. He leans forward to capture San’s lips again, and plunders his mouth just as ruthlessly as San did his. Maybe even more ruthlessly.
Wooyoung has a certain way of doing things. He's not necessarily rough with the way he does them, but he's not gentle either. And when it comes to San, he's rarely gentle. But that's the way he shows love, and San knows that. Better than the back of his own hand. He likes taking, and San likes giving all the same.
But there's certain moments in between when he's so incredibly soft and gentle, that it tugs at San’s heartstrings violently, and in those moments, if there was any doubt about if he belonged to Wooyoung, body and soul, that doubt gets disintegrated before it can even see the light of day. Wooyoung somehow knows how to create the perfect balance, and San knows how to read him perfectly.
But San also knows that Wooyoung's not good with words, so he tries to help out, in any way he can. Which usually ends up as Wooyoung ravaging him until translating his thoughts into words isn't as hard.
And San would gladly be Wooyoung’s doll, if it meant that the storm inside him would calm down and leave him alone. Because there's far too many nights that San finds Wooyoung struggling with his thoughts on his own. They keep coming back to torment him, and sometimes, nothing San does is enough to drive them away.
So when San feels hot tears joining their mix of spit, he just readjusts his hold on Wooyoung, so as to keep him away from the railing, and holds him tighter, letting him kiss him to his heart’s content.
Wooyoung breaks the kiss with a huff, tears streaming down his face, and sobs as he curls into San’s welcoming chest. He rubs his hand along Wooyoung's back, and his heart shatters into a hundred pieces every time he pulls in a shuddering breath. San wishes, more than anything else, that he could banish Wooyoung's pesky demons once and for all, so that they don't torment him anymore, but he knows that's not possible, so he holds him.
He holds him until the tears stop, until he goes still, until the thoughts quieten, and the demons recede, retracting their claws from Wooyoung's subconsciousness, taking the darkness away with them.
When Wooyoung finally pulls back, he gives San a teary smile, and San breathes easy seeing the sparkles return to his eyes, slowly but surely.
San kisses the mole underneath Wooyoung's eye, nosing at it until Wooyoung laughs at him and pulls him inside. It's a watered down version of the laugh San is used to, but he'll take anything other than the demons coming back. He wishes he could fight them physically, because only he is allowed to torment Wooyoung, and no one's allowed to torment him to the extent of making him cry.
When they're finally sitting on their couch, San tugs Wooyoung impossibly closer, and murmurs into his hair,
“What happened Young-ah? What's wrong?”
He strokes Wooyoung's hair until he speaks. Wooyoung smells nice. Like strawberries and lemons.
Wooyoung sniffles against where he's cuddled up against San’s chest, and San can almost see the gears in his head turning, trying to articulate his thoughts, so they're not a jumbled mess in his head. San has an inkling about what's wrong, but he wants Wooyoung to tell him. He knows he can do it.
When Wooyoung finally tries speaking up, San strokes his hair and his back, in an effort to soothe him. He knows it takes a lot of courage to voice your insecurities, especially when you don't like being viewed as vulnerable. It sometimes feels like trying to speak through a throat that keeps closing up around the words you want to choke out.
“I don't deserve you”, he manages to get out in a tiny voice that has San’s heart constricting all over again, threatening to break once more. His eyebrows furrow as he continues stroking Wooyoung's back.
“Why do you think so?” San pats himself on the back mentally for how steady his voice sounds.
Wooyoung fists San’s shirt and takes a deep breath, finding the words to voice the rest of his thoughts.
“I had this dream today, about you running to me, and you had this wide smile on your face,” he looks up at San, imagining his grin, “the type of smile that shows off your dimples”, he pokes his cheeks where he knows the dimples hide, “and all I could think about when I saw you running to me, was that I don't deserve you. You deserve someone better than me. I- fuck-”
He starts crying again, and San’s heart breaks once more, splitting into a million pieces. He wishes he could reach inside and wipe away all doubts he might have about himself. But he can't. So he stays close and hugs him tighter, trying to soothe him in any way he can.
When his breathing calms down again, San asks, in the gentlest voice he can manage,
“What makes you think that you don't deserve me baby?”
Wooyoung looks up at him through his teary eyes.
“I'm not good enough for you.”
San cups his cheek, and presses a soft kiss there.
“You're good enough for me Youngie. You're more than good enough for me. You're my perfect baby and no one else's. I love you and no one else”, he taps Wooyoung's nose as he says, “I fell for you. No one else. Know why that is?”
Wooyoung shakes his head in response.
“Because you're my soulmate, and we're meant to be imperfect together. I'm not letting go of you, ever, understood?” Wooyoung nods fervently. “I could list a hundred reasons why I love you and they still won't be enough. I could tell you how much I love you and it won't even scratch the surface of my love for you. I love you so much Young-ah, you know that right?”
Wooyoung nods with tears in his eyes. San wipes away the lone tear that escapes the confines of his eye.
“But it's ok if you forget. That's what I'm here for. To remind you how much I love you. To cherish you infinitely. To kiss you until you're breathless. To fuck you until you're spent.”
Wooyoung smiles despite himself, and San kisses Wooyoung on the lips this time, taking his time with it, and Wooyoung's arms come up to wrap around his neck. They pull apart to suck in hasty breaths, and Wooyoung kisses San’s forehead.
“I love you too, San-ah. And I don't ever want to love anyone other than you.”
The sparkles return slowly. The dark clouds covering San’s favourite constellations slowly dissipate, leaving nothing behind but the twinkling fire San fell for when they first met.
San smiles. There's his Youngie.
Wooyoung’s demons like fucking with him. They drag Wooyoung down under, and plague him with thoughts that aren't true. Then they don't let him resurface either. They even manage to torment him in his dreams.
But his demons don't like San. They despise him, in fact. Because he pulls Wooyoung up and away from them. He doesn't let them plant bad thoughts in his head once he's pulled Wooyoung up. They hate him for that. But they always drag him back down. And San is always there to bring him back up. Always there as his constant, the rock Wooyoung can use to climb back up.
And he's always there for San. San’s confidant, the one who knows the most about him, maybe even more than he knows about himself. They're dependent on each other, now that they've grown so close. They need each other like the air they breathe.
And they both know that the other is never lying when they say ‘I love you’.
Because when San says it, you can see the truth etched into the way he's looking at Wooyoung.
And when Wooyoung says it, you can see it in his eyes. His eyes sparkle in a certain way when he looks at San. They don't twinkle like that with anybody else.
Wooyoung cuddles with San on the couch, and ends up falling asleep curled up against San.
San carries him to their room when he hears the sound of Wooyoung's soft snores. He kisses the top of Wooyoung's head, and slips into bed beside him, spooning him from behind. He tucks his head over Wooyoung's head, and wraps his arms around him, like one would with their stuffed toy.
San takes a deep breath, breathing in Wooyoung's scent, and pure joy envelops him at having the love of his life in his hands. He thanks whatever force brought them together, and he hopes that they can spend the rest of their lives together.
“I love you Young-ah”, San whispers against the crown of his head, while slowly drifting off to sleep.