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When Chigiri finally calls Nagi to ask for his help, it is during a hot summer night, like the ones you only get in August; the heat is merciless, but you can also tell that it’s going to be over soon and autumn will arrive, because there are some things that get a little bit stronger when they are about to finish.
The dog days, for example.
“What a pain” Nagi Seishiro mumbles, more out of habit than feeling actually bothered, because this is Reo who we’re talking about. They are best friends, and the mauve-haired guy has always supported him to the best of his abilities.
Seishiro’s steps get quicker.
[My life has only changed because Reo is in it, so without him, I would still be no one.]
One foot in front of the other, the distance between them increases.
[Reo even showed me his dream, and now we are sharing it.]
Nagi is running to Reo and Chigiri’s location.
Even if Nagi is taking off first, leaving for England to join a better soccer team, they will reunite fast, he tells himself, he will be waiting for Reo on the other side.
“Nagi is here” Chigiri says with a controlled voice; low, cautious, unmistakable worried.
Mikage Reo is found sitting on a park bench, its color faded a little from use and the sun rays hitting it every day without fail. His head is hanging low, and his entire body jolts a little at the mention of the white-haired man’s name, as if he didn’t think Nagi would actually show up. When they look at each other, Reo’s cheeks show the path of now dried tears, his eyes puffy and red all over, his voice weak with exhaustion. Seishiro’s heart clenches, beating painfully inside his chest, begging for him to look the other way, but he stares until the image is burned in his mind. Later, it will be all he thinks about before the land of dreams claims him.
Nagi wants to offer his own back for a piggy ride-
[Don’t do it, it’s weird, it’s always the other way around], his heart tells him.
Reo stands up, throws a smile at him, fake and wrong and so-not-Reo.
“I’m sorry, Nagi. Did we wake you up? It’s fine.”
It is not.
Yet Reo is always like this, putting on a strong image and taking care of everyone else. He actually keeps the smile up until the stares he gets from both of his friends get a little too much. Chigiri’s eyes charged with concern, Nagi’s illegible as always. Unless you are Mikage Reo, of course.
Nagi’s heart, through his eyes, tells Reo: [Let me walk you home].
[Okay.] Reo’s answers.
There’s an awkward silence between them, then both men catch the subway that drops them the closest to Reo’s neighborhood. They could call one of his butlers, but if Nagi returned Reo to Baya in that state she could actually kill him on the spot.
Nagi looks at his partner. They are about the same height, but the mauve-haired guy seems to have shrinked since he last saw him this morning, when he was fine.
Shoulder’s touching in the empty subway car, Nagi hugging Reo’s backpack because he never made it home after practice was over.
Nagi is more aware of Reo’s presence than he ever was. He is curious too.
“Did something happen?” Seishiro asks, even if it’s obvious, he just doesn’t know exactly what. His voice stays plain, the white-haired man doesn’t want to sound like he pities the Mikage guy condition.
More silence, only interrupted by the announcement that they arrived at a new station.
“I got my heart broken today.” Reo finally offers, smiling again, but it fades fast, his expression darkens with sadness, maybe a little shame. “I’m sorry, I can’t do this.”
Huh. Nagi didn’t even know Reo liked someone.
When they finally get off the train, the building where the Mikage family lives stands tall and proud in the distance, and it’s a familiar path from there. Nagi has been invited over more times than he can count and has slept on the Mikage’s sofa, they discovered which routes to take when Reo didn’t feel like riding his limousine, even Reo’s backpack which is clinging on Nagi’s shoulder has a familiar weight. He knows everything that Reo carries there: his uniform, a second change of clothes, a white towel, his black water bottle imported from Europe which came in a pair. He got the other one. And yet, he didn’t know, he couldn’t tell-
[No, Reo didn’t tell me.]
Mikage stops in his tracks. They just turned to another street, one that has some shops and gets busy even at the late hours of the night, but not today apparently. It’s empty and mostly dark, all doors shut and the lights turned off, except one. A new vending machine, just in front of the convenience store.
In this heat, it feels like an oasis in the middle of the desert, the promise of a cold drink after walking on this hot, awkward, unspoken summer night.
There’s a little gasp, from Reo probably, when they pass in front of the vending machine and they notice that the products being sold are far from snacks and sodas.
They are hearts, they look like human hearts.
“What?” someone says, Reo again, probably, as he takes a closer look.
There’s a total of nine hearts, sitting in three racks, each one heavily detailed like it’s the real organ: the surface muscle looks like it’s made of organic tissue, not plastic nor glass. They seem heavy and dense, the size of an adult heart, and their dark-red color contrasts against the white background. It has a clinical vibe.
The machine itself doesn’t have a name; there are no clues about the product’s purpose nor the manufacturer. The frame that illuminates the hearts blinks a little every now and then, like the electric current is low there. All in all, it looks unnervingly… normal.
“Reo, this is freaking me out.” Nagi shudders. “Let’s leave.”
But the mauve-haired guy is not paying attention to his words, his eyes reading the keypad installed beside the glass, just below a dark screen. Nine buttons, each one a number. To choose a heart, Reo’s mind supplies. The bill and coin mechanism, to pay, but how much? And the pick-up box for your strangely-accurate-looking heart.
Then, he reads a rectangular button that has a dim light. INFO.
Click.
The black screen runs pixelated text. There’s no sound.
(Feeling sad tonight? Is your heart filled with a heavy burden? Did someone reject you? Have you lost someone? Forget all about it! Pick a new heart. Start a new life.)
After that, something shifts. The machine coughs up on the first notes, but some kind of game-like music fills in the silence, the type you only listen to during a fair. The nine hearts start rotating horizontally, showing all their angles, before they contract and expand like they are pumping actual blood, beating to the rhythm of the song. The music picks up. There are no lyrics, but Nagi and Reo understand. It says: “Pick one, pick one, pick one!”
Reo steps closer.
[What are you thinking?]
Nagi reaches out and holds Reo’s hand, stopping him from going further. It works, and the mauve-haired man turns half-around, looking first at their joined hands, then at the other’s gray eyes.
“Reo, don’t.”
[Even the way Nagi speaks is so him. Short words. Clear messages. Voice plain like unseasoned rice. It’s bothersome to breathe and speak up, he would say. Ah, this hurts. It hurts so much. Make it stop.]
“I can’t have anything, can I? Neither love, nor this.” Reo looks away, but he doesn’t let Nagi go.
Later that same night, even later than it already was, Nagi lies down in his bed, his mind filled with Reo: the way he looked after crying, who his heartbreaker could be, the strange machine that they found and left behind after Nagi held Reo’s hand and pulled him away, walking to the rich boy’s building until it all felt like a strange dream.
[Yes, that’s right, this is just a dream.] Nagi’s heart beats slowly, and each time it’s like having a knife being twisted inside his chest. He doesn’t want to see Reo sad. After all, he is in love with him. He just won’t tell him right now. He will leave soon, it will only make Reo feel worse. Besides he likes someone else. Maybe when they are together, when Reo finds him, out there in the world, he can confess. Maybe.
Maybe.
Maybe.
Nagi sleeps and dreams of him holding Reo’s heart, then he loses it somewhere.
[Yes, that’s right, this is just a dream.] Reo’s heart beats faster by the second. He is scared. How come that he’s been out since practice was over, then he stayed with Chigiri for hours until his crying was over, walked back home with Nagi, slept for a while and the night still isn’t over? Maybe because there’s something left to do. Maybe.
Reo walks over to the large window of his room, one that goes from the ceiling to the floor, looks down, and it’s there, in front of his street. A vending machine that wasn’t there this morning.
Maybe.
Maybe.
The mauve-haired boy is lucky to not find any guards when he takes the elevator to reach the street, because he wouldn’t be able to explain where he goes. He makes his way over to the heart-vending-machine. There are no differences from the other one. Reo locates the “INFO.” button.
Click.
(Welcome back, Mikage Reo. Please, select a new heart.)
Click.
(Please, select payment method.)
“Are you for real?” Reo murmurs while reading the list before him. He chooses an option, nonetheless. The most intelligent one, he is a Mikage, after all.
Click.
[Goodbye, Reo.] says his old, broken heart.
The new heart is pushed outside the rack, and it falls to the pick-up zone. When it hits the cold metal, Reo feels the pain too.
(Congratulations! Enjoy your new heart. ♡)
The next morning, it’s a mess. Baya doesn’t find her young master in his room. There’s no note, no phone in sight. There wasn’t any event on his agenda, and he is not with his friends, nor the soccer team, not even with Nagi, who is woken up by his teammates and interrogated by multiple people about last night’s events.
The day Reo disappears, it’s the hottest day of the year. Luckily for Nagi, and all the people who swarmed the streets to look for the missing Mikage heir, it was only a sign that the heatwave was ending.
People too, old people in particular.
Sometimes it seems
they are about to recover,
then they die.
It’s a real medical indicator,
the impending doom feeling.
A female cop finds Reo wandering around, seemingly lost and takes care of him until his family arrives to pick him up. A few minutes later, Nagi, Chigiri and even Isagi arrive but they only get a glance of mauve-hair before Reo steps into a car and is taken home in a rush. A group-chat made that day with all the searching volunteers posts “Mikage Reo found 14 hours after the missing report. Thank you for your support. Please head to Mikage co. tomorrow morning to enjoy a nice lunch and compensation for your invaluable help. Send this to all your-”
Nagi puts his phone away. The group then is deleted, so the most recent chat is with Reo.
Reo, Baya is here. What do I tell her?
Reo?
.
..
You are receiving my texts. Please tell us you are fine.
Reo?
Reo, please.
Please.
Please.
Please.
Reo.
Where are you.
Reo?
Come back, Reo, please.
What happened?
Reo.
[Reo]
It’s a sorry sight to behold. That’s why Seishiro doesn’t mind when, the very next day, all the messages ever sent between them are gone. The first, awkward one, asking if they got the number right. The following texts pressuring him to join the soccer team. The ones with funny videos. That Reo selfie in a suit when he went to a high-end meeting with his father. Every good morning text that he ever got, even on the day Reo got his heart broken. He said something like “Good morning, Nagi. No skipping breakfast today, we are having practice until late, okay?”. Maybe. Nagi won’t be able to look it up anymore, so.
There’s a special reunion between Reo and his closest friends, and all of them take turns hugging him, Bachira even cries a little on Mikage’s shoulder. Barou only gives him a pat on the back and leaves early. Chigiri is furious, the traces of his worries fading away, but still present on his face. Isagi refuses to be too far away from Reo. And Nagi, stands on the side. He knows they will get a moment alone anyway.
When everyone leaves except for them, Reo turns around, and Nagi all but launches himself against his body. His pale hands place themselves familiarly on the other’s back, shivering at the warm touch. It’s Reo, he is here. Still smaller even though they’re close in height, light in his hold, a feeling with no name that comes and goes, like a river that runs and leaves everything behind.
[Hm?]
Nagi pulls away slowly.
“I’m fine, Nagi. Now let’s go, everyone is waiting.” Reo lets his palms linger on Nagi’s shoulders for a moment, smiling at him, and it looks real. He is okay, Seishiro believes him.
Everyone believes him. As they eat and chat and there’s apologies, some scolding, polite questions, rude comments, Reo is capable of taking them all and his smile never fades away. Whatever it was, he needed it, it’s the people’s conclusion. And it’s over now.
The End.
.
.
.
[Who is this?] Nagi’s heart is the only one asking.
That day feels like an end-summer dream, and it quickly becomes a long-forgotten memory, a nightmare caused by the heat. October rolls by and the air keeps everyone in the soccer team cool after an exhaustive practice session. Reo was the best defending today. Actually, since meeting him, Seishiro has never seen a day in which the mauve-haired boy doesn’t excel in something. Could be being the team’s talented captain, doing a presentation in school like the role-model student he is, achieving a new skill that his father asked him to master for the sake of his future since he is the perfect son too.
Everything is fine, their lives went back to normal, but… How can we put it?
“There’s some distance now.” Nagi explains, controller in hand, playing a game on his TV late at night. There are no “good night” messages asking him to sleep early. It’s been empty.
“I tried to talk to Chigiri about it, but he still won’t tell me about the night Reo cried. But since only I can see it, it must mean it’s my fault, right?” Nagi continues talking to the only thing who could care: his plant. He sighs, not a lot of feedback, but he loves his cactus anyway. “What a pain.” The white-haired boy says, but he doesn’t mean it.
[Talk to Reo then.] That’s his heart.
Next day, at school, it’s a windy morning when Nagi arrives and sees Reo greeting everyone as he passes by. Most days, Reo would pick Nagi in the mornings in his limousine, other days, he would wait for him at the entrance with a bright smile, reminders for practice, comments about school, an adorable, blushed face from the cold air while waiting for his partner. Today, Reo looks radiant, well-rested, happy.
“Good morning, Nagi.” Reo says as he walks by, not stopping, just kind of slowing his steps so the other can catch up. “Ah, we have a Chemistry exam first thing, right? Better hurry up and read a little.”
[Oh. Maybe next time, then.]
Four classes pass in a blink and it’s time for lunch. This one is tricky, because Reo is a natural leader and lets Nagi know where to eat today. Most occasions is the rooftop, but when it’s rainy, they usually stay in the classroom. Other times they have gone outside and have impromptu soccer meetings with their teammates from other classrooms. It depends, and Reo is the one who decides this. Not in an imposing manner, you just follow the vibes. Seishiro learned to take it easy. To trust.
“I’ll meet someone today.” Reo says, to him, and to the group of classmates that has joined them ever since Reo went missing. That apparently made him a million times more interesting, and everyone wants a piece of the supposedly angsty rich boy.
So Nagi does something he hasn’t done in a long time. Decide. Be all by himself.
“The rooftop, then.”
He takes the stairs, phone in hand, egg sandwich on the other.
[I don’t know about this.] Nagi’s heart, a hunch.
The door opens slowly; he is blinded for a second due to the light. He sits somewhere behind a storage closet and plays on his phone. He stops, because the joy from it has been long forgotten, but he will be damned if he doesn’t try to bring out expired pleasures.
“I should talk to Reo, anyway.” Seishiro stands up, then he sees it.
[Ah.]
Reo is not in the classroom, he knew, but he wasn’t expecting to watch how another student gets closer to the mauve-haired boy, holding out a letter. A love letter, of course.
[Right, this is not the first time I have seen this. Sometimes happens even when I’m there. He must be smiling, a little shy. Please keep the letter, I appreciate your feelings, and that’s enough, he would say.]
But Reo takes the letter, keeps it in his pocket, smiles, keeps walking, stops a little so the other person can follow along.
[Ah, this hurts. It hurts so much. Make it stop.]
He has seen Reo being confessed to before, so why does it only hurt now?
At the end, he doesn’t talk to Reo, he skips practice and no one nags at him, and Seishiro walks back home, alone, taking a route longer than usual, until it’s not long enough and he wastes time in a convenience store. The white-haired man buys an ice-cream, apple flavor, tries it, hates it and throws it away. The bells announce the attendant that this weird high-schooler has entered again, and again he chooses an ice-cream, banana flavor, he likes this one, he eats absent-mindedly and goes in for another. Nagi keeps this up for about 2 hours, luckily he is not one to care a lot about what people think of him. Just Reo. And he doesn’t know now where they stand.
A gut feeling, pure anxiety, eats his insides. Or maybe it’s the ice-cream. Perhaps it’s that the store-seller got rid of him by gifting him a bunch of frozen treats and told him to leave, please. But actually, it’s that the heart-vending-machine is right there when he goes out of the store.
He stops in his tracks.
He vaguely remembers its introduction.
Is your heart filled with a heavy burden?
⤷ [Yes.]
Did someone reject you?
⤷ [I’m not sure.]
Have you lost someone?
⤷ [Not mine to begin with.]
Forget all about it!
⤷ [Can I?]
Pick a new heart. Start a new life.
⤷ [But it’s Reo’s]
(Welcome back, Nagi Seishiro. Please, select a new heart.)
Click.
(Please, select a payment method.)
“My own heart?” This is the only available option, the other ones are unavailable, so he won’t try to read them. “Well, what’s there to lose?”
Click.
[Everything.]
Nagi closes his eyes, there’s a little pull in his chest, the machine seems to start its hidden mechanism to get a new heart out. Then it stops. A minute passes. Nothing. Nagi looks at the screen again.
(Error. Try again later.)
“Hold on, did I get rejected by a machine too?” Nagi puts both hands on the glass, looking at the heart he previously selected, and starts hitting it. He has had brawls with vending machines before. “Give me a new heart!”
The hearts inside shake all over, the one that was about to be pushed out is slightly inclined and it finally falls to the pick-up section. The machine trembles and the lights turn off, like disconnected.
Nagi doesn’t feel any pain, because that’s not his heart. He picks it up anyways, puts it on the inside of his uniform, close to his chest, and leaves. He is visibly upset, and every person along his way sends him a worried look, walks faster, then look back in his direction. Seishiro’s long, white bangs cover most of his eyes, full of emotion. But just what? He never cared about putting a name to them. It’s bothersome, feeling.
“Choki, I got you something.” He places the stolen heart next to his plant, then he feels bad about it and searches for a shirt to place under the organ. It’s not beating. It’s not his.
Then, he recognizes the emotion.
[Should’ve fought like this for Reo. Should’ve tried more.]
Nagi sleeps and in his dreams, he is still looking for Reo’s heart.
Love. Love is the word I was looking for.
It’s easy to fall into the habit
of being content all the time.
Then you are numb to it.
But when our heart breaks,
that’s when we realize that
our love is at its peak.
Otherwise, it wouldn’t hurt, right?
“I need you to get a fucking grip or get the fuck out of this team!” Barou is always harsh with his words, his moves, and yet not every day he pushes Nagi to the ground, out of frustration, sparking a fight that everyone on the team must stop before it gets worse.
“Hey, calm down!” Isagi intervenes by placing himself between both guys, pushing the bigger one a little, keeping a safe distance. Meanwhile, Bachira is helping Nagi stand up, a surprised gasp coming out of him when he sees the state his cheek is in after falling on the ground. It’s his fault, though, Nagi thinks. He has been feeling miserable for too long.
Practice is over, but Nagi is sitting by the infirmary, waiting for the nurse to be done with another student before he can come in. That’s when Mikage Reo appears and sits beside him. There are no words, because they understand each other, but their hearts don’t communicate as well anymore, or at all.
The mauve-haired boy is holding the first aid kit that they usually keep in their club room. He passes Nagi a wet wipe for him to clean out his wound before he can carefully apply some ointment and then covered with a band-aid. All the products are placed inside the box again, closed off, and Seishiro takes Reo’s hand to stop him from leaving just like that. Like there isn’t some unspoken argument that he doesn’t know about, but he wants to try.
“I’m sorry, Reo” Nagi starts, looking at him, big gray eyes full of emotion that are as unusual as an eclipse. “There’s something wrong between us, and no matter how laidback you think I am, I actually care, so…” He can’t read into Reo’s expression, he is there but also it is not the one he has spent years with. “Please. I will try again.”
A moment passes, around 10 heartbeats.
“I’m sorry too, Nagi.” Reo murmurs, squeezes Nagi’s hand for a second, a heartbeat or two, but he doesn’t take his hand away. “The truth is, I feel different, since…” The mauve-haired boy doesn’t say it, they all took secret vows to forget what happened during the hottest day of the year. “And I’m fine, really, I just don’t know how to approach you anymore. I know everyone was blaming you for that, and I felt like I could never make up for it.”
“You don’t have to make up for anything! Just-” Nagi grasps the other harder. This is like a dream, being able to talk to Reo again, just the two of them, and he also feels like he is about to wake up. So, he embraces this moment, a heartbeat, with all his might. “Stay.”
“Okay.”
Nagi and Reo leave school together, walk along familiar paths, pick up a warm snack on the way. But it’s different. This Reo is different, we don’t know exactly how, just that there was a distance, but he is right there, right now.
“Wait, was I really the number one suspect?” Nagi shows the best shocked face he can make, and Reo wants to take a picture of it so badly.
“According to what Baya told me, if one more hour passed without finding me, they would have taken you to the police station.” Reo answers, a little ashamed, but the expression on Nagi’s face is so funny, not even describable, Reo wants to keep it for himself.
[Really?]
[Yes, really.]
Did you worry? Were you scared?
It’s all right, I promise.
We still have some examples to review.
Not all things that are about to end are bad.
Like an old-fashioned.
This drink is made with sugar at the bottom,
Then literal BITTERS.
It’s not good, to be honest,
but as you drink it, it gets sweeter.
Do it slowly, Nagi.
After the hottest day of the year, everything goes back to normal, except that Reo isn’t really himself according to Nagi, but then they talk about it and everything goes back to normal again, except that Reo still isn’t really himself, but that’s okay, because people change, and Nagi loves this Reo too.
When they met, the Mikage heir was the clingiest person Seishiro had ever met. He was there all the time, taking him to school, while in class, after school for practice, and when walking each other home. And since people change, Nagi starts taking the lead for spending time together.
He is shy, at first, which is surprising, because he doesn’t show it. His lips stay in a pout, phone in one hand, egg sandwich on the other, in front of Reo’s desk.
“Let’s go to the rooftop.” Nagi says, not an order, he is not a leader like Reo. He knows he is difficult to follow along. The white-haired man is not expressive, he doesn’t want to, but his heart is on his sleeve, wide open for Reo to examine. It’s familiar, but sometimes you want to look at things you know more closely, maybe you missed something.
“Ah, yes! Sure!” Reo snaps out of his thoughts after a few seconds, gets up and follows Nagi around. A similar situation happens when it’s time to practice. Suddenly Seishiro doesn’t need to be nagged around to make him attend their club’s schedule. He is easy-going all day, and the next days after that.
December arrives in the blink of an eye, bringing awkward days in which they need to keep attending school but also it is kind of over for this year, and the students who have worked hard can take a small break. December also brings Mikage Reo to a boiling point of frustration, due to Nagi. Always because of Nagi.
Both of them got perfect scores on their tests, which is not a surprising feat itself; the mauve-haired boy knows better than anyone that Nagi is more intelligent than what he is credited for, often seemingly like a bunch of luck, because Nagi Seishiro doesn’t study. Hell, even Reo thinks that it is bothersome, but it must be done.
So, when Nagi suggests getting together, to study, Reo takes a while to believe him. They arrive at the white-haired guy’s apartment, and no console is plugged into the TV.
[A shame, I kind of missed playing games with Nagi.]
The kotatsu is already out, Nagi and Reo sit in front of each other, and no comic books are put on the table, Nagi’s phone is even placed where it’s visible, not used to play on mute while it’s owner pretends to be interested in a topic; Nagi Seishiro is reading the textbook, highlighting sentences, they are not color-coded like Reo’s, but he has his own system. He is trying. And Reo is staring a little too hard.
[I really should start taking pictures of this, no one would believe me. Who is this guy?]
“Reo.”
“Yes?”
“I left the notebook under my desk.”
“You really are Nagi after all, huh.”
“What do you mean?” Seishiro asks, hoping for Reo to lend him his notes, and maybe a little more.
His face must be showing what he really is asking for, because Reo stands up and makes his way to Nagi’s side, sitting next to him, their knees touching, the space too small for two growing highschoolers, but they make it work, as always. They share the notebook and their space, and after an hour or so of reviewing multiple topics, Nagi yawns.
“Want to take a break?” He asks and, as if Reo couldn’t be more surprised, the white-haired guy doesn’t take a nap in that instant. The phone is still on the side, the TV turned off. A plate of snacks and cups of tea make their way to them, and the mauve-haired guy can’t help but gasp.
“You actually have decent food this time.”
[You are trying really hard. I’m proud.]
Right there and then, it’s easy to forget that Nagi’s ticket plane, inside his drawer, marks a date that gets closer and closer.
Rain isn’t also that bad.
Imagine a thunderstorm.
You always say, “This can’t get worse”.
Maybe it rains a little harder.
There was sunshine before,
And you miss the clear sky.
You’ll see it again.
Between Nagi and Reo, the white-haired man is the one who’s best at soccer. Reo is still bitter about it, he recognized the other’s talent first, but getting to the extreme of being scouted by big, international teams… ah, the truth is, this was all Reo’s plan.
The Mikage family have connections, and even unwilling experts take a day off to watch a high-school match when paid accordingly. Money is not enough when you risk getting on the Mikage CEO’s bad side, as it is well known how upset he is that his only child is wasting time playing in a field every single day.
Mikage Reo only wanted to show his father, the recruiter, everyone, that they had something good going on. His team that he worked hard to build and keep is also something he can take pride in. He gives his best performance so far, playing with all his might.
Nagi and Reo’s team won the friendly match against one of the top 5 schools in the country, completely skipping stages of looking for local matches and regional tournaments. It’s a well-known success that goes beyond the school’s newspaper, Reo and Isagi even get interviewed for the super aspirational spotlight on the 8 p.m. Tokyo news. The program Reo’s father never misses. All part of the plan.
Reo got Isagi on the interview with him because, being honest, and full of love for his team, Nagi and Barou would have sour the mood rather quickly, Bachira is embarrassing to be with at times, and Chigiri would have been late for caring more about braiding his hair.
What wasn’t on the plan was that a section of the interview had questions about Seishiro Nagi, their MVP for the game with his impressive hat trick.
“When did Seishiro Nagi start playing? He was amazing!”
“But does he have any special training? Or a diet? The whole city wants to know!”
“Please relay this message to Seishiro Nagi: We want to see more!”
And then, the international recruiter drops the bomb when invited to dinner with the Mikage family.
“Say, Reo, does Nagi Seishiro want to go pro? I could easily drop a good word for him; I had good coverage on his participation in the match too. What team could be good for him? Spain, England, maybe France-”
The words from the Mikage’s guest become gibberish in Reo’s ears. Nagi, playing internationally… without him.
Reo had a plan, but it seems that he is still lacking something. His mother gives him a knowing glance and his father dares to put a hand on his shoulder. It’s heavy. Heavier than his. A bigger payment makes glances look away from a rich guy or a team to another potential star-like talent.
“That friend of yours Nagi was good, right? He won’t like to miss this opportunity.” Mikage’s CEO says with a satisfied smile.
In a matter of weeks, the invitations come for only one person. Then one is carefully chosen.
“I’m leaving next year.” Words that came out from his partner, who is now walking away. Even if Reo loves him more than anything, he can’t take this away from him. He hates that his father is right.
Mikage Reo’s heart breaks, he puts on a façade only discovered by Chigiri, who becomes his closest confident about his problem.
“I don’t think I’m good enough for Nagi. I’m not what he needs.” He says every time. One hot summer night, he cries about it after practice. He is unconsolable, being sad for weeks in silence, alone.
When Chigiri finally calls Nagi to ask for his help, he just wishes they can talk about it openly.
[If I get rid of my heart, this feeling will stop too.]
Who would’ve thought that Mikage Reo preferred to give his own heart away? Just so the person he loves can move on, and he won’t be a burden to him.
Did you pay attention in school?
Stories have three parts.
Beginning, middle and end.
The climax happens in between.
The harshest part before it’s over.
We’ve run out of examples.
We are just waiting for you, Reo.
On Christmas Day, Reo never disappoints with his gifts for his friends. He never had any, so he goes over the top, but the guys could never complain about receiving bags with names of luxury brands and carefully chosen items. Reo is the captain, he is an observer, he knows.
What Reo gets in exchange is humbler in comparison, but the team has gotten over the awkward gifting-a-rich-guy phase. The Mikage heir gets hair products from a cheap but reliable brand, a DVD copy of the last 5 matches of a decade-old soccer world cup, the exact same socks he is wearing at the moment but in a different color, a nice box of sweets in Christmas colors, and…
“A date with Nagi?!” Chigiri exclaims and Reo’s heart skips a beat.
[Is that what it looks like?]
“No, Chigiri, not a date. We are just walking around the Christmas market to get some gifts for his parents. He probably wants help choosing them. Maybe even paying them.”
Later that same day, but with Bachira, said guy smiles brightly until his eyes disappear.
“But Reo-chan, that’s literally what married couples do, don’t they?”
[I could never tell if they are playing with me. I don’t get nervous about Nagi nowadays.]
“I assure you, this doesn’t mean anything else. We have been friends for the longest time.”
He finds Isagi in their club’s meeting room, finishing a strategy that Reo doesn’t remember asking him for. He is not that interested in his dilemma.
“Friends can become lovers too, though. I say if it happens, it happens.”
[It’s not that easy. Plus, I got a new heart. My love for Nagi is not there anymore.]
He goes out of the room as Barou is walking in. They look at each other.
“Your boyfriend is not with you?”
“Nagi is not my boyfriend!” Reo bites back, patience lost.
“Then how do you know I was talking about him?” Barou answers to the Mikage heir surprise.
[Not a date, definitely not.]
Reo gets up on their first day of winter break, takes a shower and a long soak in the bathtub. He doesn’t want to get up, his new heart that he has taken care of so well has a hunch. Still, he leaves the warm water, pats himself dry, thinks a little too much about his outfit and comes down using the elevator to Nagi waiting for him at the reception.
The thing is that, he doesn’t have to. He could have got into the Mikage’s residency, into Reo’s floor. Or perhaps ask Reo to pick him up. This makes them look-
“Woah. You look good today, Reo.”
Like a couple.
“And you look comfy today.”
“Is that bad?” Seishiro asks, the sign of a pout increasing around his mouth.
“No, not at all! Shall we go? We need to check different stores.”
Together, they take the subway to the Christmas market. There are dozens of booths to check out and the lively mood that community events bring makes the whole place lovely, even if it’s a chilly day. The forecast said it would start to snow that evening.
Nagi and Reo decide to walk around first, see if there are any good offers or discounts since Christmas day will be soon, and maybe get a better idea of what to buy for Nagi’s parents. Reo doesn’t know them at all, but there are things that never fail: beautifully crafted ornaments, artisanal sweets, cards, a warm sweater. All in a box, put a ribbon on it. Done.
But Nagi takes a long time to decide. When he does, he insists on taking breaks to try out the hot chocolate from a trendy shop and Christmas cake from another. Then, to get more stuff for their teammates. It gets late and it starts to get dark when they are done, and more people visit the market, making it difficult to walk.
That’s the reason Nagi takes Reo’s hand, nothing else, right?
Just so they don’t lose each other in the sea of people, while they struggle to walk, they go in the opposite direction of the route. This also will take them more time than what was planned. Nagi doesn’t say it’s bothersome, he only holds Reo tighter and guides him around.
Night’s come faster during winter, so when they arrive at Seishiro’s apartment, it’s completely dark outside.
“Oh, man, I wanted to walk home. I asked Baya to not tell my father I went out.”
“That old man is still bothering you about that?”
“He is jealous that he can’t go out like me.”
“No, he is jealous that you have hair and he is balding.”
They look at each other. Reo smiles brightly, then starts to laugh, while Nagi just puffs a little air out. This is what it was always supposed to be like.
Reo calls a taxi to take him home, and the operator says it will be there in a few minutes. He decides to wait outside, Nagi on his side. It’s silent, it has started to snow, so he needs to leave fast. He is getting cold, and Nagi too. Where’s the car?
“I don’t want this day to be over.” Seishiro says, in his monotone voice so characteristic of him, how someone would share a polite comment about the weather.
But he is talking to Reo, and this is a confession.
“What do you-”
“And I don’t want to go to England. Not alone.” Nagi spills, and once he starts, he can’t stop. The taxi will arrive any moment now, and that anxiety makes him talk faster, because Reo will leave, he will be out of sight soon, and sometimes when he does that, it scares Nagi. That he will disappear for good. He is still dreaming that he can’t find Reo’s heart. “I want to be with Reo every day.”
Seishiro waits, finds some courage before looking straight at Reo. Time only measured in the painful heartbeats inside his chest. He is scared, Reo looks confused, nervous, scared. Reo could leave again, any day, so Nagi takes Reo’s heart, a silent question, a more physical reassurance.
Reo’s face explodes with a huge blush when Nagi’s fingers caress his, because even through their gloves, he can feel how warm they are.
And Nagi thinks Reo looks the cutest all flushed. He can’t help it. He leans in to kiss his doubts away.
One heartbeat, then two, soon they are ten.
There’s no one in this street but two big fools. And one of them is crying.
“Reo?” Nagi asks.
[Please don’t. It hurts me to see you like this.]
“I know what you did.” Reo says, between sobs. “And I want you to stop.”
“What are you talking about?” Nagi’s anxiety spikes up, maybe it wasn’t the best moment, but he couldn’t keep lying to himself.
“I know you went back.” Reo is not making any sense, maybe because he is covering his face with one of his arms in shame, and his voice struggles from crying. “I know you got a new heart. That’s why you changed, and…” The mauve-haired man pauses, unsure, then an undefeated whisper confesses everything. “That’s why you love me too now.”
One heartbeat, then two. A light flickers. Then, there are seven.
“Reo, was I the one who broke your heart?” Nagi mumbles, a little shy about this information that he suspected a while ago, yet he chose to not believe for more than a second. That he was so stupid to not have realized. That he hurt Reo so much. He can’t help it, Reo must forgive him, but the white-haired man hugs him again.
“I got a new one, but still…” Reo mumbles against the other’s shoulder. They are close in height, but Reo truly feels smaller now. “I still can’t help but fall in love with you again.”
Nagi places a kiss on Reo’s hair.
“Reo, the truth is I tried to get a new heart. I understand you now. I wanted to stop feeling, but I couldn’t.” Nagi explains slowly, holding Reo in his arms feels good enough to get him drunk in feeling him this close, his smell, his voice. “I stole one. It was yours.”
The taxi arrives, but it doesn’t take them to the Mikage’s home.
(Please, place your return item on the pickup box.)
[Thank you, Reo.] The fake heart says, as it is placed inside the vending machine. The door closes, then it will get thoroughly cleaned before it can be placed for sale again.
Nagi was kind enough to hold the heart he stole, Reo’s original heart, until that point. The mauve-haired guy feared facing it again. His heartbreak, his sadness, his fears. The feeling of being left behind, of not being good enough.
“It’s all right, I’m here.” Nagi says, holding it out for him. He can be there for Reo, but he can push him too much. It must be his decision in the end.
Just like the second invitation Nagi fought so hard for during the last months, even before the hottest days of August, from the very moment he received an invitation only to his name. He recently got Reo’s acceptance letter, but he will deliver it any other day. They have all the time in the world for all of this, not a heartbeat or two.
“Stay.” Reo whispers, as he cradles his old heart, his true heart, close to his chest. It slowly makes its way inside his ribcage. All the memories and emotions he so wanted to forget come all at once. It hurts. He cries.
Nagi holds him through it. Even if it snows more and more around them, it’s warm where they are connected, their hearts as close as they can get in their hug. They are better together, and they will stay strong until the end.