Archive of Our Own

You’re in your world already, where do I belong?

When you start dating a public figure, people don’t skimp on the warnings or on telling you how it might become a detriment to you as a person, emotionally, and potentially physically. It was demanding, one would apparently have to swallow their pride to really get romantically involved with a public figure— an actor no less. Oscar wasn’t met with comfort when he decided to date Lando, he was greeted with meetings from his company, and being subjected to NDAs to make sure he wouldn’t ruin any part of Lando’s already solid and well-curated image, something the public would approve of, something they would deem normal. 

Even outside the meetings, he saw executives who looked at him somehow pitifully, as if he had an expiration date of being Lando’s boyfriend. The media might try to convince you that they don’t treat you differently or become more brutal if you don’t fit their perfect mold of a public figure, but everyone knows that is just propaganda for false articles and gives more ammo for people to put someone’s life under a microscope. All those eyes staring down on you, waiting for you to mess up just so they could pick apart and dissect every aspect of you under the precedence of entertainment.

Oscar was willing, and ready to prove all those stereotypes false, that being in a relationship with a public figure was bound to be doomed. He believed that what they had together was different— that they could become that living proof to make it work despite all the constant flights and hectic schedules. They would meet in the middle, and continue to never lose sight of having each other in their orbit. Maybe love was meant to conquer all— for them, something that was made to work and be what they both yearned for when it came to being shrouded with the feeling of love.

He had met Lando even before he was an actor. They met in boarding school as teens, an odd pair as some of their mutual friends described them as. Lando was too outspoken, he was ridiculously loud, unbelievably unfiltered, impossibly expressive, and wore his emotions mostly on his sleeve. Oscar was too quiet, he was mostly timid, impressively straight-forward, insanely blunt, and a man of a few words. But they were still inseparable. At certain points of their lives, you’d never see one without the other, they were two peas in a pod. It didn’t take very long for their proximity to develop something far greater than a platonic relationship. Fear always took over them though.

They had different aspirations. Their paths of life were too far apart for whatever they had to turn into something too and truly real. Lando wanted to be loved by the world, someone people gravitated to, and be on the big screens, billboards, movie screens, and everything in between— it was what he craved, the meaning and impact he wanted his life to mean and bear.

Oscar wanted peace and stability, he wanted to be an accountant, something his parents said was safe but something that could rack in the money, maybe he even wanted to be a CPA lawyer someday. He yearned for never having the fear of lacking, he’d be able to be a provider, live a picture perfect life. Maybe it was too traditional— but that didn’t matter, it would give him a life that wouldn’t exceed his comfort zone, and that was the dream. Free enough that the boundaries wouldn’t be too much, but not too much that it’ll feel choking and burdensome.

Their views of the world were vast and different, one rooted themselves in being idealistic and shooting for the stars, while the other was realistic, safe but fulfilling.

But they had one thing in common, they knew time was a treasure that wouldn’t last forever— so they chose to cherish it when they could. 

A few days before graduation, they drove into the unknown, to create and bury everything they’ve ever wanted to, together. “Hey! Osc, race you to that tree.” Lando challenged, while pointing at a large Sequoia tree that sat at the center of the park they’ve just arrived in. There was no said confirmation before they both just started running. Oscar, being even so taller, started getting past Lando around the halfway point. When Lando noticed, he jumped and tackled Oscar down on the grass. 

“Hey! Fuckin’ cheater.” Oscar faked annoyance, only earning a laugh from Lando, “Nah, we didn’t set any rules anyway mate.” He answered while standing up, extending his hands to help Oscar up too. Oscar took his hand and lifted himself up from the ground. “Not the type to play fair Norris?” Oscar teased as they walked side by side going nearer to the tree. “Not really, but you already knew that Osc.” 

Oscar didn’t answer— at least not verbally— he simply tilted his head to the side in agreement. The pair eventually settled below the tree, they laid down, their heads nearly touching. Both of them let the silence envelop them for a while, just them— below the stars. Everything still felt surreal, they both had so much to say, and yet, never the right words for it. 

Between every moment of affection— they found themselves questioning it all, more and more. Laying by the grass of a park only God knows where, right before they officially take separate paths would be something neither of them would ever forget. They didn’t even know why they drove here. Neither of them knew what they wanted from today either, Lando just sent a slightly half-assed text to Oscar with the words: ‘u up?’ and ‘i’m outside, let’s go out.’ 

And now, they found themselves in some random park in London, somewhere that was somehow secluded. Somewhere that the silence would be brought to them. Somewhere that the world’s voices didn’t have to matter. They had each other, and that mattered more than anything at that moment. They loved each other, and that was undeniable at this point. Yet, neither of them were sure how far that love could go.

“Why are you even playing too safe, Osc? Don’t you want to feel the unknown and explore your heart?” Lando asks, staring up at the stars, his hands edging closer towards Oscar who was painfully near him. “But if it doesn’t work out? I need a fallback, I can’t expect things to work in my favor, Lando.” Oscar answers, to be honest, he’s not even looking up at the sky with much focus anymore, he’s too hyperaware of the time— of Lando somehow slowly slipping away from his life.

“Why does adventure even scare you, Osc? Isn’t life meant to be about taking chances? Doing it in uncertainty?” Lando now sits up, looking directly into Oscar’s eyes as he’s still laying the grass. “It doesn’t scare me. I’ve never wanted more than that stability, that’s my dream. To live without having to worry how to make it past today, I like the idea of being that part of the world. It is what I want, Lando.” Oscar sits up too, watching himself in Lando’s eyes. 

Lando just laughs low, slow and retreating, “Maybe this is why people question how close we are.” He says, seeming to gain even more clarity with every word, now looking down, refusing to look at Oscar’s eyes for too long. “Maybe it is, but… I don’t know what I’d be without you… and I wouldn’t want to know.” Oscar says, conviction dripping from his tone, his gaze still falling upon Lando.

“Do you ever think I’d be able to make it, Osc?” Lando asks, genuinely curious what realistic, observant, and brutally honest Oscar would say. “Yeah. I’ve never doubted it.” Lando was taken aback by that response, he expected something of a lecture, maybe a hint of venom and contemptness, but there was none. He sounded like he always did, unrealistically calm and normal. 

“You– what?” Lando looked up again, it was like he was seeing Oscar for the first time again, unbelievably beautiful but still radiating warmth and calmness. Oscar’s face somehow softens while looking at him, it’s too much and too little at the same time. “Why? Did you think I didn’t?” Oscar asks.

“Yeah, kind of… yeah.” Lando answered, still showing signs of surprise from his face to his voice. “I’d never stop believing in you, Lando. Never.” Oscar wanted to slip more words, but he held back, biting his lip to hold back any words that might dare spill out from his mouth. 

“Do you believe in me, Lando?” Oscar’s the one asking now, because even he feels hesitant now. “I never wouldn’t.” Lando states, he leaves no room for doubt with how he says it— he’s so sure— he’s so fucking sure that Oscar would make it. “Will you be with me when I do? Or will you be in that over-the-top world those people in the highlife are in?” Oscar asks again, his voice still somewhat stiff, but seeming to almost waiver.

“Yes. You’re never going to lose me Osc, I promise.” Lando swears, his hands reaching out to grab Oscar’s. They sat there, still in silence, just holding each other’s hands for a while, but it wasn’t long until Lando basically jumped into Oscar’s arms, hugging him tighter with each passing second, burying himself in his shoulder. 

“I love you, Osc.” Lando whispered, “I love you too, Lando.” Oscar whispered back, holding Lando even closer. Whether that I love you was platonic or romantic, even if it was something in between, that didn’t matter. They loved each other, they made each other better, they were both wishing for their dreams, and at the moment— they were wishing for time they could spend together, something hopefully unlimited and something that would last forever.

They had different definitions of the idea of living a successful life, and every step towards each other was filled with the impossibility of ever fully acknowledging the gap between friends and lovers. It was buried in doubt and worry, and their love was eventually muted into what could be a distraction from their dreams. And yet, they never lost route of each other though. No form of separation could pull them apart entirely, they’d always find their way back to each other. That night still felt like a confession, even with everything they left unsaid, it was enough to symbolize a shift in their dynamics. Their worlds collide at the dream to be together, someway, somehow— in the distance, they’d be alright. Even in the mazes of the world, they would somehow make it out together.

Maybe they were cursed, the universe just liked creating an idea of something that puts life into someone while also taking it away so suddenly. And even in the years to follow, they’d keep getting too close to breaking the mold of meaning more to each other than either of them could fathom. A step to their successes— maybe it no longer had to mean stepping away from each other. Love conquers all and the rest of that bullshit, it was revolutionized with them. Or at least, both their hearts wanted that.

Oscar and Lando found themselves in Lando’s old apartment. He had just had his major breakout role, one that skyrocketed him from being a mid-tier actor, to nearing being an A-lister in the industry. It was surreal, looking at the numbers, it was heights that a few years ago Lando could only imagine. With the stars that would brighten the cosmic reality that life was leading them to— but somehow, there was still a gaping hole somewhere in his life.

He called Oscar to come over, in hopes they’d smooth things over while he prepares for some of the biggest changes in his life. Lando wanted the man who kept him grounded again, someone who’d be there even through all of the changes and still see him. Someone who truly knew who he was. The man he spent his teen years falling for, and now— in his early twenties, he’s fallen even further.

“Things are surely going to be different now, won’t it, Lando?” Oscar asks, helping Lando transfer some of his clothes into boxes. “Yeah. But I hope we won’t be, Osc.” Lando doesn’t know how much more desperate he can sound, he just wants what they have— to never change truly. “Hm, you told me I’d never lose you. I’ll hold you to that.” Oscar says, his smile growing wider at every word, remembering that night so fondly. But peace doesn’t last forever, and you can only lie to yourself so much.

They both decided to take a break shortly after, sitting on Lando’s couch, one of the last things that the moving team hadn't taken yet. They were sitting right next to each other, close yet it feels like their worlds are diverging even further now. “Are we still gonna trail around this like it’s nothing?” Lando asked, suddenly, placing his hands on Oscar’s thigh, begging for an answer this time. Raw,hurt, and unapologetically pathetic. It sounds corny, the question felt like something from a movie that Oscar questions whether he likes or doesn’t. It’s too unreal and yet it is staring him in the face. 

It irks him even more that he can’t come to a reasonable answer. “Why does it matter?” He asks back, he sounds too dry, it sounds like he doesn’t care but Lando knows better than that. Oscar’s throat is also dry, it's forming a lump in his throat that’s building heaps of regret in him. He was the rational one, someone who would make the right choices, someone who had planned for the future, and someone who prides himself for being grounded in reality. Yet, all of those ideals fall apart the moment it's Lando right in front of him. 

“Because maybe I can’t take it just pretending it doesn’t exist! I care about you, doesn’t that matter!?” Lando argues back, his heart clenching as he grips Oscar's thigh tighter. “It’s for you too and you know it.” Oscar states, avoiding meeting Lando’s eyes that have begun to well up. “Do you not believe that maybe love can be worth fighting for?” Lando begs, he tries to slip his hands to interlock with Oscar’s, but he only avoids it. 

“I do believe that Lando, it’s why I believe that we shouldn’t. Not right now at least.” Oscar’s answer silences Lando for a moment, not right now, maybe someday they’d make it right? “You’d never really lose me Lando. I promised you that. And I stand by it.” Oscar still sounds genuine, and he hates how platonic it sounds, even while saying words that shake his world. The ones that make him second guess if he had been throwing everything out of proportion, but then Oscar looks at him. Looks at him like he loves him, and then Lando feels willing to throw everything away to keep Oscar.

“Then why won’t you let me love you?” Lando asks again, more tears threatening to escape his eyes. “I love you too much to let you throw away the rest of what you’ve chased for me.” Oscar says, leaning closer to wipe Lando’s tears away. “I wouldn’t throw it away, Osc.” Oscar’s never heard Lando more desperate, but he only shuts his eyes, trying to lock away the image of Lando’s heartbroken eyes and demeanor from his memories. He just stood up and walked away.

“So this is it?” Lando asks, clinging to one last string of hope. “I’ll see you next week Lando, you’ll forever be my friend.” And nothing more it seemed. The words still echoes in his head, the promises about it never really being over, about him never losing Oscar. And yet, at this very moment— he’s never felt more helpless in his life. He knows those promises aren’t empty, but suddenly the future has been more unclear— more than ever, now. Maybe love would be worth the risk, but I guess it wasn’t enough to make it through this shit. Friend… even the most innocent words hold the strongest blows, especially said by the man you’ve devoted, offered, and scarred your heart for. 

Time works magic though. Maybe it was all they needed, and even if everything feels like it’s shit or they’re edging closer to hell. If hell meant staying together, that was a risk both of them were willing to gamble. Each moment was a testament to how they’ve made it— truly nothing short of a miracle.

And now they’re here, meeting up in the most absurd of places just for their hands to settle on each other. As they prepare to get even busier in their respective fields, they treasure each moment and memory where they still have each other solely for one another. “I honestly can’t believe that you’re still here, Lando.” Oscar says, while Lando is laying on his lap, sitting on the couch in the apartment they’ve finally decided to move in together in. Oscar caresses Lando’s hair, brushing it on his fingertips, savouring each movement deeply— as if each one could be threatened as the last time he’d be able to do so. 

“I promised, Osc. I love you, why wouldn’t I?” Lando responds, leaning into Oscar’s movement, trying to feel each one with more depth. “I love you too, Lando. I’m happy you gave me that chance.” Lando sits up after hearing Oscar’s words, he grabs his better half’s cheeks, and leans in. He kisses with so much fervor, he’s beaming with so much pride and joy. “I would offer you forever, Osc. Fuck just a chance, I had to have you, or else it would’ve killed me.” Lando never sounded more determined in his life. He’s never felt more assured with choosing Oscar than he did in that very moment. Every sacrifice he’s had the courage of facing was because Oscar existed, and now— he’d give it his all to not let that go to waste.

It’s been at least 4 years since the night at the apartment, everything still feels so surreal. It was a difficult talk to have, face-to-face again after reaching peaks neither of them thought they could reach. They finally had the leverage to try, and after years of being content with friends, it just wouldn’t suffice anymore. They didn’t just want each other, they needed each other— carnally. Every brush of affection that lasted for too long was a manifestation of almost a decade of yearning for every touch and part of one another so badly it was physically painful. 

Those years of endless pining was put to an end at an alleyway on the bustling streets of London, surprisingly away from the judging eyes of the world— away from the paparazzi that would be astounded to get the coverage of Lando’s heinous escapades. Oscar had Lando pinned to the wall, too close for friendship, their lips fighting for leverage, biting and pulling in a manic way. Now they weren’t fighting for their dreams, they had them in the palm of their hands. All that was left was having each other.

Lando and Oscar did too much that night. It all happened so fast, because the next thing they knew, they were in a hotel room, naked, right next to each other, exchanging their I love yous in a surprising and unexpected moment. Love does conquer all somehow. Sometimes it just takes time… 

Or does it actually?

Oscar couldn’t seem to pinpoint when it started, or how he started just spiraling. All he knew was he missed Lando. He didn’t know if it was peer pressure, a contractual obligation, or something Lando did in his own volition, but it still stung. They spent an ungodly amount of time together, maybe the switch of not seeing Lando home at least once a day was too much of a change. Oscar could never really figure out how his emotions were, and how it was just acting at the most unreasonable of times. 

Lando was out filming a project that seemed to feel like the stars aligned just for him. He was settled with his dream director to work with and some actors whom he genuinely looked up to and admired so much. Oscar had seen some of their films, mostly with Lando— who had recommended it to him; he was always giddy to show

Oscar the things he liked, which only made Oscar fall even more. However, in order to even take the role, he had to fly out of the UK, all the way to New York and be gone for probably at least 2 months. Lando promised to try to be consistent with updates, but— Oscar is starting to believe that might be the first promise Lando would break. And shit would only go down from then it seemed.

Of course, Oscar never stopped being hesitant to be dating an actor— especially one who had broken into being an A-lister. It was a point of slight insecurity, but he really tried to now get it into his head. He may not be like those other actors who are bold and confident in public, but Oscar believed that Lando didn’t care about that. But he couldn’t help replaying Lando’s promises, doubt was now shrouding them— shrouding him and his thoughts. 

It started with a slow flow of videos and pictures of Lando partying in random clubs and bars with some of his co-stars. He tried not to overthink the multiple accounts of fans who commented on him being with different people, he tried to not look at the videos too clearly where Lando could be interpreted as flirting or ‘being interested’ in someone else. It made his stomach twist and it created a bitter taste in his mouth. They’ve made it through so much shit, Oscar wasn’t willing to believe all of this paparazzi and rumours, they fought for their love— the rest didn’t matter.

Or maybe he’s just pretending that they didn’t, but he wasn’t willing to entertain those thoughts right now either. The busier Oscar got at work, the harder it was to carry himself back to an empty home. He barely got updates from Lando anymore, the last thing he recalls even hearing from his partner directly was one saying he’d be even busier these days. Not that he’d been having the time to even check on Lando anyways. It had been a bit over a month already.

“Oscar, you look like absolute shit, are you okay?” Logan, one of Oscar’s friends at work, asked. “I’m fine, just tired.” Oscar responded, he really didn’t feel like in a conversational mood right now, he had to present his proposal for a new system they could implement in their company soon, and the only thing keeping him running was any form of caffeine. “Your eyebags are worse, and I haven’t seen you eat all day. Oscar, it’s 3 pm, and you’ve been here since 7 am.” Logan says, not buying a word of Oscar’s bullshit. “Okay, fine, you’ve caught me. I really need this to go well Logan.” 

Logan pondered for a second before snapping his fingers, like a lightbulb popping out of his head, “We should go out Oscar! Like, go to a club or a bar or something. Go get laid or something!” Logan suggested, very very enthusiastically. Oscar nearly forgot, Logan didn’t know about Lando, fuck that stupid NDA— not like Oscar wanted to tell anyone anyway, but being tied to that thing was not really a fun endeavor, especially considering that he could literally get sued by his boyfriend’s company for breaking a confidentiality clause. “Logan, I really don’t have time.” Oscar answered, clearly too tired and busy to even be having this conversation. 

“Come on man! Just one night? I’ll pay for it even dude, you just need to be somewhere that isn’t a coffee shop, work, and your apartment.” Logan persisted, he was definitely not letting this go. Oscar didn’t really know what came over him, but the glaring hole that Lando left in his heart was hurting more and more each day, maybe some alcohol would work to somehow numb a piece of his aching heart and soul. “Fine. But you’re definitely paying.” Oscar finally agrees, Logan raises his hands in victory before replying, “Deal! Dude, I’m so serious, you really need to get out of whatever hell you’re digging yourself in.” Oscar just nodded, Lando didn’t have to know anyway, right? 

Logan had offered to pick Oscar up around an hour after they clocked out of work. Oscar thought for a while whether he should just back out now, but a part of him felt like he needed some form of release, something that wasn’t working or constantly stalking accounts on social media to know updates about Lando. 

Logan brought him to some club that wasn’t too far from his and Lando’s apartment, Oscar had also ended up realizing that Logan has never been inside said apartment, he’s only been outside to pick up or drop off Oscar from time-to-time. He was glad though, that despite him not talking about his personal life as much— for legal reasons— Logan never pried so much into his life. 

The bar was quite unceremonious, it was loud and rowdy. Bodies hitting each other, some people drunk out of their minds, just mindlessly dancing or grinding— or even both. Oscar was never the type to go out, he wasn’t the fondest of places with too many people or too loud, but he needed something to tune out the blaring loud voices that occupied his mind these days. Logan maneuvered them through the club, leading Oscar to the bar. Oscar didn’t think twice before ordering a Gin and Tonic, “Are you good man? Didn’t peg you for someone who drinks like that.” Logan commented before ordering himself a Rum and Coke. Oscar just shrugged, he needed his throat to burn from something that wasn’t his own feelings. 

Oscar lost track of time and unsurprisingly Logan— who is probably trying to find someone to spend the night with, not that Oscar minded, he wasn’t looking anyway. It also didn’t take long for someone to approach, “Hey handsome, are you alone?” It didn’t register to Oscar that they were referring to him, but he looked up from his glass, meeting the eyes of a stranger who was eyeing him up and down. “Not really, but I doubt he’d be back, probably with someone by now to be honest.” The other guy laughed at him, just a small giggle. 

Objectively, Oscar thought he was pretty, he was quite pale, his hair was wavy— it settled nicely on his head, complementing his face greatly. His hair was a sweet and soft brown color, it honestly made him look even prettier. However, his most standout feature was undeniably his eyes, they were bright blue, and it instantly hooked Oscar in. The man looked at Oscar a bit longer before letting out a small laugh, “You’re staring.” He commented, it snapped Oscar out of his trance and it made him run his hands through his hair. 

“I’m George by the way, and you are?” George asked, taking the beer he’d just ordered— Oscar didn’t even register that George had ordered anything previously, his senses were overloaded, and his brain was just stuttering constantly. “I’m Oscar.” His response was quick— it was admittedly quite basic, but he was too tipsy to be aware of anything happening in his surroundings at this point. George scooted closer to him, and for some unknown reason, Oscar didn’t push him away, he just let him. 

They talked for a bit, just about simple things, a couple questions about work, Oscar could barely recall any questions they exchanged, all he knew was that the atmosphere was light— you could even consider it friendly. “So you’re here to drink your work stress away?” George asked, he sounded genuinely interested, Oscar could only muster a short laugh, “Yeah, I’d say so. What about you? What brings you here?” George pursed his lips for a short while before answering, “Nursing a heartbreak. Asshole cheated on me.” He says, venom spitting from his mouth. Oscar just nodded empathetically, but for some reason, his stomach started twisting, it was excruciating— he just ended up pushing the feeling down however. 

Silence stretched for a bit before Oscar broke it, “I’m really sorry, I’ve never had bar talk before, I never really go to clubs or bars much.” The statement earned a laugh from the other man sitting near him, “You’re fine Oscar, I’m just kinda surprised that you don’t, considering, you know…” George trailed off, which ended up piquing Oscar’s interest, “I know what?” He asked. “You’re really handsome— and all that, I would’ve expected something of… a ladies man?” George joked a bit, the compliment brought a small blush to Oscar’s cheeks— he felt flattered, absent-mindedly, he had placed a hand on George’s thigh already. 

Oscar shouldn’t be doing this, his brain was hazy from the alcohol— but he definitely knew that he should know better than to be doing this. He has a boyfriend, who may be halfway through the world right now, but he was still his boyfriend. His stomach churned yet his body wouldn’t cooperate. Despite George having a taller frame— as if the world just decided to fuck with Oscar’s head for a bit tonight, he was sitting on a shorter bar stool, letting George be on the perfect height to lean his head on his shoulder. God, Oscar thought he was beautiful, but— in his humble opinion, no one was more beautiful than Lando. 

His pulse was racing as George shifted his head closer to Oscar’s neck, his brain was short-circuiting in ways he never knew was even possible. “You don’t mind the closeness? Or do you want me to back away?” George had asked, politely— respectfully even, Oscar should have said yes. He should have said yes that he minded, he should have answered that he had a boyfriend but the only reaction his body had done was shake his head no.

George eventually lifted his head from Oscar’s shoulder, he didn’t even bother hiding how he was staring directly at Oscar’s lips. He placed his hands on Oscar’s, the one he settled on George’s thigh, he leaned in— and that’s when Oscar’s brain and body started to be hyperaware again.

Oscar immediately pulled back, he stood up, just now— he came back to his senses, “Fuck, I’m so sorry.” Oscar didn’t bother watching how George’s face reacted, he just left. He sent a quick text to Logan that he’s going home already, he didn’t know if Logan would even see his message tonight, he just needed to get home. He wanted to take a nice fucking shower, something that would help him try to make sense of what he had just done. 

Was it cheating? Was he being unfaithful? Was he betraying his and Lando’s promises? Was he throwing away whatever they built within their struggles? The questions running through his head just would not stop and he couldn’t find a way to silence any of them. Everything just kept piling, and as somewhat of the last ditch effort, he opened his phone. 2:24 am, he barely even realized the time passed like that, he sends a message to Lando, as a way to regain control of his emotions, to find some semblance of his past self that would have never  done what he had just done.

I miss you, Lando

How have you been?

sent 2:25 am

Oscar stripped and stepped into the shower, finding solace in the heat of the water. The water droplets clung unto his hair as he placed his palm flat on the wall nearby, his hand running through his hair. There were no excuses for what he had just done. And yet, he couldn’t figure just why he even thought about doing it. He thought about George— about how it felt to be in that proximity with someone who wasn’t Lando. He thought about Lando, the way he felt in his hands, the way he felt on him, the way Lando always felt like home. 

Oscar stepped out of the shower not long after, drying and dressing himself up before laying on his and Lando’s shared bed. He just starred. For a while, he just felt empty. The mess that was occurring in his head just stopped. It was sudden and somehow unexpected. Nothing was making sense anymore. Oscar just ended up shutting his eyes and trying to drift to sleep. The face that appeared when he shut his eyes— he didn’t know if his heart or his head was the one controlling the images, all he knew was that, for once in his life— he wasn’t sure whose face he was picturing.

Lando, however, was navigating his way through another dinner spent in New York City with some of his fellow actors. The timezones between London and New York had a gap of 6 hours, with the latter being earlier. Lando was too immersed in conversation to pay attention to the notification from his phone, one from his lover whom he left back at home. For the first time in his life, Lando had really experienced that type of ‘high-life’, it was exhilarating, he felt like the world was in the palm of his hand— finally culminating into something bigger than everything he had ever dreamed of.

Some of Lando’s co-stars, once again, invited him to a pub they found and liked by Orchard St., to which he gladly tagged along. However, the regret wasn’t fully lost on him, obviously he thought about Oscar a lot, and missed him even more than he could imagine— but Lando was too swept up. He felt the taste of success and it just never stopped giving, and he never stopped chasing for it, everything else— started to feel like white noise.

Lando never did anything with anyone else though, that much he could admit, as much as people dragged his name through dirt, he had never done such a thing. At the very least, he had not crossed any type of boundaries that was that type of too far. Lando ordered a pint of beer, as one of his more veteran co-stars, Lewis, had offered to cover his tab, which Lando wanted to refuse, but Lewis insisted. “Lando, please, let me.” Lewis asked, with a laugh under it, Lando could only laugh in return, and retreated, letting Lewis ask the bartender to put whatever Lando ordered on his tab.

“So, how do you find New York? It’s been a month since we started filming already, you know?” Lewis asked, sitting with him by the bar stools. “It’s exciting and really… it’s a fucking dream come true if I’m being completely honest.” Lando replies, ultimately starstruck with everything that had occurred in that month. Lewis nods in understanding, “I get it Lando,” Lewis chuckles a little, “it feels like the city of dreams, and shit… does it feel like it.” He continued. Lando could only nod more obviously in return, chugging the beer down his throat. 

“Lewis Hamilton, what a fucking traitor.” Lando turned to see another one of his senior co-stars, Sebastian Vettel approaching them. “Ha, just mad I beat you to it.” Lewis teases, slightly taunting Seb. “Woah woah woah, what happened guys?” Lando says, giggling while doing so. “He paid for all of our drinks, what an ass.” Seb said, play-hitting Lewis’ head. They all just laughed at their antics as 2 more of their co-stars approached. 

Arvid Lindblad was new to the acting scene, even newer than Lando, but he was amazingly talented, it didn’t take too long before he got scouted. Lando feels somehow responsible for Arvid sometimes, he saw parts of his younger self in Arvid, full of hopes and dreams, and a drive and passion that seemed unrivaled. And then there was Carlos Sainz.

Throughout the entirety of their filming so far, Carlos had been one of Lando’s closest friends within the industry. He was fun to be with, someone who’d match Lando’s insane energy, someone who’d get into stupid shit with, and someone who Lando was glad to have by his side. The both of them only got closer now— arguably being described as really clingy towards one another. 

“Don’t think that your husband will be happy when I report this, Hamilton.” Seb adds, rolling his eyes at the crime he believes Lewis committed against him. “Don’t bring Nico into this Seb,” His eyes sparkling at the mention of his husband, “besides, you paid for dinner, at the very least— let me also do a good deed.” Lewis continued, standing up, excusing himself to greet or talk to some other staff. Seb did the same, probably going to take a leak honestly, because he was definitely at least 3 pints of beer deep already.

It left Lando with Arvid and Carlos, “How do you like the acting life Arvid?” Carlos asked, bumping Arvid’s shoulder, slightly teasing, Lando could already tell what Carlos wanted to actually ask. “Uhm yeah, it’s good, really tiring and demanding, but good.” Arvid answered, innocently enough. “Arvid, my sweet and amazing child, he’s definitely trying to pry into your dating life.” Lando kidded, the statement left Arvid’s cheeks somehow turning pink— which gained a teasing laugh from the pair. 

“I haven– I don’t– uhm… it’s uh… complicated.” Arvid finishes, struggling to find the right words for it. Carlos chuckled before responding, “I’m only joking Arvid,” Carlos added, patting Arvid’s shoulder, “we’ve all seen you texting someone in between takes anyway.” That statement only made Arvid grow even more pink, Lando gave a slight hit on Carlos’ chest, “Mate, don’t tease, as if you don’t try to get girls— or guys for that matter, at almost every other club we go to.” Lando joked, which earned a laugh from the other two. 

“Well I’m sorry it bothered you so much darling— jealous?” Carlos teased him, Lando just rolled his eyes in fake annoyance before muttering, “You wish.” Arvid piped up right after though, “Oh no! My parents!” He said playfully. Arvid had joked before that Carlos and Lando were like his parents, and Seb and Lewis were his grandparents. Seb had complained previously that it made him sound so old, while Lewis just ignored Seb’s comment and embraced the role whole-heartedly.

“I am really grateful for this opportunity though, immensely. Learning from you guys has truly been a blessing.” Arvid continued, he was in such awe, his eyes shining bright, truly a testament to the future he wishes to lead. Lando could definitely recall his own similar shining eyes— the one he had at a particular evening, but a part of Lando couldn’t afford to think about him right now. The guilt hadn’t fully settled, and unbeknownst to him, he was already doing something he couldn’t take back.

Carlos gave Arvid an encouraging pat on his shoulder, “You’ll be great Arvid, I can just feel it.” He reassured, he undeniably believed in Arvid’s talent. However, as much as Carlos wanted to continue talking to Arvid, he wanted more solo time with a certain someone— more specifically, the man he had been eyeing almost the whole night. Carlos’ interest was the farthest thing from subtle ever, but unfortunately— the man who definitely needed to notice and see it, was apparently oblivious to it completely.

Lando had never mentioned Oscar to the cast— or to anyone who didn’t go to high school with both of them for that matter, he couldn’t. He was contractually obligated to imply himself being single and unavailable, it piqued the fans’ interest more than being in a relationship would ever do. Moreover, it gave him a heartthrob image, something people could try to imagine themselves with, someone they could insert themselves towards. As evil as it sounded, it worked— brilliantly. His true personal life kept out of public view, and yet his name skyrocketed even further.

 The truth was, Lando does notice when people seemed interested, but the feeling pooling in his stomach let himself be in denial. He still had Oscar at home, and even if he feels a tug at his heartstrings, he tries to keep control of what his actions are. Everything felt too different and now— Carlos could offer a type of stability he never felt with Oscar. Carlos would understand the risks more. He’d be around for him more, and they worked so well even on paper. They just make sense, and Lando couldn’t fully shake away that idea or possibility out of his head.

 He noticed Carlos’ gaze lingering, especially tonight, however, he ignored it— ordering more drinks from the bar as a desperate attempt to convince himself that he could be hallucinating the whole ordeal. “I do wonder sometimes though…” Arvid interrupted Lando’s thoughts, looking deep in thought himself. “Shoot.” Carlos replied, taking his glass of Jack Daniel’s and pressing it on his lips before taking a sip. “Is there really space for like… genuine love and connections in a career like this?”

That question sent a flying dagger in Lando’s direction. It was a question he had always thought and doubted, but he confided in Oscar for that. And they said they would be fine, and they are. They are fine right now, despite the distance and having lesser chances to talk, that didn’t change their love nor the connection they have. It never would. It shouldn’t.

Lando nodded, he pressed his lips thinly before answering, “I guess there is, but it’s definitely hard to come by.” Lando doesn’t want to know how he sounds while answering that, he definitely sounded a bit butthurt, but— god, who could even blame him? Arvid nodded, a bit slow, almost like it was a symbol of acceptance. “If it’s right, it’ll work, Arvid.” Carlos responded, giving Arvid a small smile before patting his back, “Look at Lewis, he’s practically glowing with Nico.” Carlos added, trying to press Arvid in a more sincere and uplifting manner, the statement was able to give a laugh to all three of them somehow. 

Apparently that was only first of Arvid’s curiosity. The sweet boy started bombarding them with questions, mostly about how they dealt with being public figures, how to deal with the fuckass paparazzi who definitely only live to bother and inconvenience celebrities, and how to answer questions without sounding childish or egoistic. Genuinely, the questions were good ones to ask, and both Lando and Carlos felt endeared with Arvid’s interest in knowing these things. If Lando was being honest, he felt immensely happy with the thought of having a part in mentoring such a bright talent like Arvid. 

Some time flew by and Arvid slipped away eventually, Lando was already too deep into the alcohol, drinking quite a lot during the conversations he’s been carrying tonight, losing all self-control in the process, and everything he had attempted to suppress— came spilling out. “Carlos— fuck, I’m not dumb you know?” Lando slurs, his body flailing nearer to Carlos. “What am I meant to know, Lando?” Carlos answers, clearly trying to fish for a clearer answer. “That you’re into me. You stare too much.” Lando himself is surprised with how coherent his words still come out despite the fact he was definitely out of his fucking mind. Carlos only chuckled, “Well if you have noticed, what do you think of it?” Obviously, Carlos wouldn’t take Lando too seriously, he was clearly out of it, and Carlos wasn’t going to let himself draw on from a drunk implication. 

“I don’t know– fuck–” Lando felt everything turn even more cloudly, he couldn’t think straight, and he felt his brain rescind all control. His body was now moving on autopilot and the only thing it decided to do was to drape himself on Carlos, his arms wrapping around his neck right before he leaned in, his lips meeting Carlos’. Before either of them registers what the fuck just happened, bright camera flashes have already snapped. 

Holy fucking shit.

That instantly partially sobered Lando up, he pulled away, his back hitting the table of the bar, Carlos’ arms caging him unintentionally. “Fuck, I’m so sorry Lando.” Carlos apologized, taking his hands off of Lando, while Lando just looks like a deer in headlights. So many things were just running through his head, but none of them were the right things, most of them were about how much he liked being with Carlos at that very moment. It was a fucking sin but the only thing he thought to do was bury his head between Carlos’ neck and shoulder, he briefly recalled seeing Lewis, Seb, and some other staff trying to shoo away the paparazzi but they were definitely able to snap more photos of Lando with Carlos. 

“Lando, shit- I’m so fucking sorry.” Carlos apologized again, his arms now on Lando’s waist attempting to comfort him. “Don’t. Just get me the fuck out of here, just somewhere I can sleep please.” Lando pleaded, he’d deal with his hangover in the morning, he’d deal with the reasonable side of his brain by then too, but right now, he just wanted Carlos nearby. He pulled him even closer, all the alcohol effects hitting him at once, he vaguely remembers being told by someone that he had been a very clingy drunk and this was the harsh effects of that.

Lewis, Seb, Arvid, and his manager had all tried to approach them, asking if they were okay and whatnot. Carlos explained to them that Lando wanted to go home already and had been repeatedly refusing to let go of his grip on Carlos’ clothes. Lando’s manager was able to call a car to lead both of them to Lando’s hotel, leaving the key in Carlos’ palms. Carlos cradled Lando in his arms the whole car ride, providing comfort for the younger. They went inside in a more secluded entrance, something to avoid more press.

He led Lando up into his room, letting him feel the softness of the sheets. Lando curled up on the bed nearly instantly, gripping the first people he came a hold of. Carlos was about to leave before Lando spoke, “Please stay. Tonight, please just stay, be with me right now please.” Carlos hesitated before making his way near the bed and settling beside Lando, they were both quite sticky from the sweat and stress of today and still reeked of alcohol, but neither of them took very long to drift away to sleep. Lando hadn’t opened his phone that entire night, Oscar’s message, unread, and unknowingly ignored.

The next morning was excruciating for Oscar, his mind was completely hammered, and the guilt was still pooling in him, but nothing could prepare his head, which was already feeling like someone took a drill to the side of his head— or him for that matter, for what images he’d see lurking around.

Oscar took some painkillers they had in the closet before trying to muster up enough strength to make some soup to warm his throat that just felt scratchy and painful. He was able to find some canned mushroom soup they had in the pantry, while heating up his soup. He leaned back on their kitchen counter, his hands still on his head, messing up his hair more and more with every passing moment. The memories of last night settle heavy on him— he remembers George, but what he remembered more was the guilt that followed. He could never do that to Lando, it was too low, that was a boundary he never wanted to cross.

The next thing he knew, the mushroom soup was already boiling, Oscar just sighed for a bit before pouring the hot soup in a bowl. He fishes his phone out of his pocket, and unsurprisingly he hasn’t received any reply from Lando, most of the notifications came from people he expected, some of them were from his sisters, some from his mother, it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, he didn’t open any of them right away.  However, something else catches his eye, a text from an old friend— he was a friend of him and Lando from high school. Oscar hadn’t kept in contact with a lot of people but one which he did was Zhou. The notification only read the following:

Zhou sent a link.

oscar? is this real?

did you and lando break up?

To say Oscar’s entire body froze before clicking the message almost instantly was concerning. The moment he saw the link to the article he froze— wow, that headline was definitely eye-catching. It read, Rising Actor Lando Norris and Childhood Superstar Carlos Sainz caught in the act— how so fucking great that was to read with a bludgeoning headache. The picture attached in the article came as a wave of pain passed through his body, it was a clear image of Lando’s lips on another man, the more he scrolled the more he felt his body go rigid. Shit. Why? 

Oscar wasn’t innocent, and he knew that fact well— he knew it really fucking well because he had spent at least 2 fucking hours staring at his ceiling at ungodly hours burying himself in regret that he had almost done the unimaginable, and even worse was he was definitely thinking of doing it— he was thinking about him with someone else. But everything felt like agony, his heart was being ripped into shreds and torn at the edges. All of his doubts and insecurities about their relationship surfaced— hell had now broken completely loose and empty. No tears came out, he just gripped the edge of the table, trying to eat more of his soup, all of it felt tasteless, it just hurt so fucking bad. He hadn’t started pouring it out— he was just completely numb.

He replied to Zhou, just something short, so that Zhou wouldn’t come over unannounced and by then he’d probably just start completely breaking down. 

I honestly don’t know anymore. 

He only thought for a second before sending it— he wasn’t lying about it anyway, he truly didn’t know anymore. He checked his sister’s messages afterwards, Hattie had sent him a link of another article, one of which Oscar had no intentions of clicking nor reading, followed by a string of question marks. His other sister, Edie, didn’t send him any links, pictures, nor articles, it just read: ‘are you okay?’ and to be frank, Oscar didn’t have a good answer for that question anyway. Mae hadn’t texted him, and honestly— he felt relieved about that.

His family knew of their relationship, however, they knew near none when it came to the whole contracting of it. Oscar was most worried of hearing from his mom, he knew how much his mom had cherished Lando despite only meeting him the few times she came to visit London, and the even fewer times he and Lando were able to visit Australia together. He opened their messages and he was greeted by a lot of concern. 

Oscar, how are you?

Have you seen it?

Oh my dear, if you see this please call

We want to know how you are

We’re here for you if you need Oscar

He couldn’t call them. Not right now. He needed answers. He wanted something, anything, from the man he loves. He didn’t want an explanation, he just wanted to know where it all went wrong for them. He wanted to know when the breaking point happened. He didn’t want the reasons or the motives or just how true everything he saw was. He just wanted Lando right now. He wanted to know how after everything, it had to happen like this. 

His head was spinning, he had possibly the worst headache of his life when he woke up, but now— it was like his entire world had turned upside down in just 2 days. Oscar tried to dig his brain for a possible reasonable explanation, something— anything. But nothing came, it only dug out buried insecurities deep within him. The more he thought, the more he found it hard to breathe while choking back the ball of phlegm now growing in the back of his throat. 

Across the ocean, laying down a hotel bed drowned deep by the sounds of the city that never sleeps, buried in the arms of a man who was never a part of his dreams. Lando woke up in a disheveled state, his body ached, and he genuinely smelled like shit. His eyes blink a few times before clearly seeing the sight in front of him. Carlos had his arm laid on the pillow where Lando’s head was placed. What the fuck. Lando abruptly pulled away, he shot up off the bed, disturbing a sleeping Carlos who instantly woke up at the sudden movement. “Lando,” Carlos started, struggling to fully put his words together before settling on a simple question, “How much do you remember?”

Too much. 

Lando remembered way too much. He remembers how he pulled Carlos in. He remembers being caught. He remembers every flashing light. He remembers clinging to Carlos like a lifeline. He remembers asking him not to leave. He remembers not feeling an inch of guilt. 

Lando’s face contorted to one of guilt, he tilted his head down before deciding to do something he’d surely regret. To do the thing he did want to do. To bring the nail on the coffin. He crawled back on the bed, straddling Carlos’ hips, “Lando, don’t do something you’ll regret.” Carlos warns, trying to give Lando a way out of this predicament. He’s trying to save him from making this mistake. Lando could only laugh, Carlos didn’t even know Oscar existed, but he did— Lando knew who Oscar was, Lando knew how much Oscar meant to him, and yet— he’s still doing this. He leaned in, the kiss felt like fire— it burned every inch of him, it was hot and undeniably painful. Each second his lips were on Carlos, Lando felt his throat close up and more tears threaten to fall from his eyes, it felt so fucking good. But it shouldn’t.

Lando pulled away eventually. He takes a deep breath before going around the room looking for his phone. He found it tossed at the chair in front of the vanity in the hotel. He unlocked, getting greeted with possibly over 100 notifications. “Lando, are you ok—” Carlos approached while asking, trying to make sure Lando was fine, “Yes I am, now please leave.” Lando cut him off— begging at this point, he had no idea how long he’d be able to last before sobbing and possibly pouring everything out to Carlos right now.

Carlos shuffled away, taking his phone that was laid on the vanity before making his way out of the hotel room. Lando could only let his back hit the wall and running his hands through his hair before quickly calling his manager, “Fucking hell Lando, you have got be more careful, you didn’t even tell me you and Oscar brok—” Lando didn’t wanna hear that right now, promptly cutting him off, “Book me a ticket back to London.” His manager paused for a second, “Are you fucking insane?” His manager asked, perplexed, “Lando, what have you done?”

Lando didn’t know how to answer that question, it was just shit all the same, he had done a lot of things. “Just get me back to London asap. Please, I beg of you, just give me this one.” Lando heard his manager sigh from the other line, “Be ready in an hour, I’ll ask someone to pick you up, go through the back door, I’ll have a private jet ready by then.” His manager continues before cutting the line. Lando breathes a sigh of relief, he drags himself to have a short shower to gather his thoughts or rather— to gather himself to talk to Oscar. 

Lando lets the water drop on his body, everything still feels surreal, he can’t fully place how he’s even meant to feel at this moment. He takes deep breaths to try and clear his head— something that’ll assure that he wouldn’t say things that would haunt him. He hops out of the shower eventually, getting dressed before looking at himself in the vanity mirror. He feels disgusted with himself— he feels disgusted by his thoughts, his actions, it’s as if he can see every sin he’s committed written all over himself. He sits at the edge of his hotel bed before opening Oscar’s contact.

He sees the message Oscar sent from last night, the one asking how he was— it made him feel more shitty. His wonderful, loving, and sweet boyfriend asking him how he is while he had betrayed all the trust they had built since they met as teens. He swallowed the lump in his throat before calling Oscar. It ringed fairly quickly, once, twice, then it stopped. Oscar had picked up by the second ring already. 

“Osc…” Lando started, “Lando? My love, please, I’ve missed you.” Oscar answered, his voice sounded hurt and desperate, he had missed that voice. “I’m sorry, Oscar.” The moment Lando said that, Oscar knew— it was over. “I’ll fly home soon, we can talk then, I just… needed to hear you right now.” Lando continued, Oscar sucked in a breath, “Yeah… okay, let’s talk about it then, I love you Lando.” Lando’s heart skipped a beat, “I love you too Oscar, I miss you too… I’m so sorry.” Oscar had no more strength to reply to that, he hung up nearly instantly. It was truly the end now.

The fly back was excruciating, Lando felt completely light-headed, he stared into the clouds while his manager offered him water to aid his hangover. “Lando, you need to be at least somewhat sober when you face him.” His manager says, putting pain killers down on the table in front of him. Lando couldn’t be more grateful for being able to fly his company’s private jet than he did at the moment. If he was elsewhere, he’d probably have a fucking panic attack. He took the pills his manager laid down, downing them in one chug. He let the water flow down his throat, trying to aid the bile growing in it just thinking about what to say. 

Oscar wasn’t any better— it was honestly impressive how he hadn’t broken anything yet. The rational part of his brain was fighting a losing battle, he’d probably punch the wall after all of this is over anyway. However, Oscar considers that maybe the reason he isn’t being destructive is how inevitable it still all feels. Even if they loved each other, there wasn’t a guarantee it’ll work. And that even after nearly a decade of loving and pining, it’ll never compare to the bigger picture. Oscar went down a terrible rabbit hole of information about Carlos, and somehow, he couldn’t help but compare. 

Generally, he and Lando were a really fucking good match. They had similar interests, their personalities somehow mirrored one another, their careers were in the same fields, and they just fucking worked. No one would question their relationship, they wouldn’t question how it would work, it just definitely did. He thought and thought and thought, and it just wouldn’t stop. His brain was working in overdrive and somewhere along the way he remembered the guy at the bar. He remembered George and a part of him wished he let him kiss him. Then maybe the revelation wouldn’t eat him alive, but then— it wouldn’t make what he did different from Lando.

Oscar barely ate in between Lando’s phone call, he had a banana and maybe a few sips of water. He sat on the couch counting down, he let himself go for a bit, he let himself breath, he let himself contemplate what to say— he let himself play and replay how this conversation could go just to look for the right words to say. Maybe he could beg, maybe he could let this go, maybe he could argue a work-around, maybe he could leave now and avoid this conversation altogether— no option felt good, it all just made him feel more like shit. And Lando, he wouldn’t know what to do when he couldn’t be able to see love from the eyes of the man he was still willing to promise his life to.

Lando leaned his head on the plane, trying to fall asleep, he tried to shut his mind off because Oscar didn’t deserve a well-calculated plan— he deserved the truth. He deserved a man who would come clean— a clean break. Something he could muster from his heart as he laid it back with the man he left it with since they were in boarding school. As he admits that after years of the chase, it was never enough— he fucked it all up, and Oscar had no fault in it. Time never healed them at all. It just waited for when they were broken enough to make the pain come harder.

Lando cursed himself— he cursed his mind that thought of every sin, he cursed his body for acting on his horrid thoughts, he cursed his heart for beating in the wrong way, and most of all he cursed his soul for it was meant to his core, now it all felt empty. Every memory flashed in his head, the atmosphere of any of it was no longer happy, it was black and white— a distant memory of when this was easier. 

The door of their apartment squeaked open, Oscar stood up instantly, turning to face the man standing at their doorway, and for a second the world stopped. Oscar expected the love in his eyes, but he didn’t expect the look of longing, and his entire body just soared forward. He took Lando back in his arms, burying his head in Lando’s sweet neck, it felt familiar yet painful. Shit.

“Oscar, I’m so sorry.” Lando says, holding back tears now, “I fucked up Osc, I ruined us.” He continued, the tears now falling. “I love you Lando.” Oscar’s words made Lando push him away. “Please don’t.” Lando begged, Oscar’s hand laid loosely by Lando’s waist as Lando reached his hands out to caress Oscar’s face. “Don’t let me go yet, Lando…” Oscar looked so broken yet so in love. “Please, I still love you.” Every word felt like a bullet. 

“You don’t deserve lies Oscar,” Lando started, “I kissed him.” He added. “Lando please–” Oscar tried to stop him but Lando let everything spill out as word vomit, “I wanted him to kiss me. I spent the night with him. I let him hold me. I wanted him to. I didn’t know what to do with myself Oscar. I fucked up. I cheated. I lied. Please hate me–” Oscar cut him off, Oscar kissed him as the tears fell erratically— the kiss was salty, messy, and ruinous. It broke both of them simultaneously. 

“I can’t Lando– I can’t hate you, I could barely blame you even after everything.” Oscar pulled away, his forehead still pressed on Lando’s. “I hope you do, Oscar.” Lando says, his hands travelling to Oscar’s chest— right over his heart. “Let your heart look for someone else, Osc. I’m sorry.” Oscar shut his eyes. He let the pain linger— he let Lando linger. He studied him even closer, making sure that he’s engraved in his memory, he made sure he’d never forget any inch of Lando. He tried to memorize his build— his waist, his height, his shoulders, his face, and everything he could try as felt Lando pull away. 

Lando could hardly breathe anymore, their home felt more choking, it was like a ghost of them before it all went to shit— before he hurt Oscar to an unimaginable degree. He slipped away from Oscar’s arms, taking the apartment in one last time. He felt a wave of overwhelming clarity at that moment, Oscar deserved someone with stability. And that was one of the things Lando could never offer. Oscar stared at him— yearning, Lando came closer, touched Oscar’s face for what would be the last time. “I love you so much, Osc. Let me go. Not just for me, for you too.” Lando wrapped his arms around Oscar’s neck and kissed him. And they both knew. 

That kiss was goodbye.

“I love you, Lando.”

“In another life Oscar. Our paths would cross again, someday.”

“Someday Lando. Somewhere else, it could have been ours.”

Time would never heal them. Sometimes, it only waits to hurt you. Nothing could heal them, because even after years of waiting. If it’s not meant to be yours, then it’ll never truly be.