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I'm not sure why I'm up here.
Actually, let me rephrase that, I know why I'm here, I just don't know what's taking me so long.
The view up here is beautiful.
Absolutely breathtaking. Looking down at the city from the tallest building around, the sun setting in the distance and tinting the sky in fiery hot colours. I can faintly make out the outlines of cars, and I can't help but wonder what they might be doing. Some might be rushing home. Home to their families, to friends, maybe just an empty apartment. Some might be getting ready for their nightshift. They could be doing anything, they all had their private lives and I have no part in it. Not that I'm complaining, it's fine like this. Makes less people worry. Funerals cost a lot.. Eh, I can pay it..
I lean over the railing, looking down calmly at the black pavement which should soon be splattered with red. Warm red. Just like the sky. If I jump, will it feel like I'm flying? Will I be able to touch the sky? Will my fingers be able to brush against the stars, just a second before I plummet to my death? I wonder each day, and I might be able to find out. Just.. Jump..
“H-hey there!” a nervous but cheery voice says behind me, interrupting me from what I was about to do. When I turn I see a shivering brunette.
His pants were thin and a bit loose, unlike the ridiculously thick jacket he had on. There were at least three more under it. A scarf was wrapped around his neck, covering his mouth and showing the red tip of his nose. Even though he might be covered with clothing everywhere, his eyes show his smile.
From his clothes alone I can see that he definitely doesn't work here, but how else would he get access to this building? A visitor wouldn't make sense. And why would he be up here anyways?
“Hello” I say and he moves to lean against the railing next to me. “Have you been here for long?”
He inhales the slightly polluted air and releases it with a loud sigh. “I wonder.. Has it been long? I'm not sure. Possibly, but that depends on your opinion of 'long'” after seeing my confused expression he laughs and waves it off, silently saying that it didn't matter.
“It's beautiful, isn't it? I always come here to see this.” he breathes and stretches his hand out, “When I'm this high up, I feel like I could touch the sky if I just reach far enough” he drops his arm and looks down at it.
“But I also like looking down. You know, all of those people in those cars have a life. They could be driving home to their family, they could be meeting a secret lover or maybe they're gonna get wasted. Either way, they all have something about them that we don't know about and it makes them so interesting.” He looks at me, scarf sliding down slightly to reveal his smile.
“Uh, yes. I must agree.” I say awkwardly, looking forward. How weird, to think that I was just thinking the same things a minute ago. Why is he talking to me? Why is he telling me that anyways? Does he know me? I don't remember meeting him before.
“So, why are you here?” he asks and cuts me off from my internal musings.
Shit.
Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. C'mon, Seijuro, you're good at this. Give him a good excuse. C'mon. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.
“I'm just admiring the view.” Yes! That's a good one! Give yourself a pat on the back, Seijuro! You deserve it.
“Eh? You don't even know me and you're already lying!” the brunette whines, pouting. Shit. Oh no. Does he know? I think he knows. Shit. Shit. Shit.
“Why do you think I'm lying?”
“Hmm... I dunno, you just don't seem like that's the only thing you're doing right now..” He's definitely hinting at something.
“Oh, then what's the other thing?” Please be wrong. Please be wrong.
“I'm not sure..” he turns his head to me “You kinda look like you wanna jump.”
I feel myself tense and I see that he noticed. How wonderful. Now he'll give me that talk of how it's not worth it, he'll drag me to a psychiatrist and I'm gonna have to have more sessions and talk about private things I don't want anyone to know about. Just great. Can't wait for that to happen.
I just need him to stop staring at me and start his speech.
Why is he still staring?
“Excuse me, but do I have something on my face?” I ask, frowning.
He shakes his head and looks forward again, sighing gently. “Nah. But I was right, huh?”
“Well, yes, but why aren't you giving me that talk about how I shouldn't do it and all that stuff?”
“Hmm, I wonder?” his face turns serious and he frowns, for some reason looking angry. “It's your life, I wouldn't mess with it, even if I wanted to. It's your choice to step on this railing and let yourself fall. You'll fall and fall and fall and if you close your eyes, you might falsely thing you're flying. But when you open them again you'll see the ground coming closer and closer and then suddenly you regret it. Suddenly you don't wanna die. Suddenly you're scared again. But it's already too late by then, and you land on the floor, your whole body's gonna feel the pain at once, but then it disappears and you won't feel anything anymore.”
He pushes himself from the railing and walks away, leaving me there to think about it.
“But don't think that's the end of it.” his voice says, just a few steps behind me.
“You might be lucky and land on the road, all your bones will be crushed by the traffic and blood will be splattered everywhere. Once the police arrives you'll be nothing more than a scattered pile of blood, flesh and bones. Maybe not even that.” he waits a few second and then adds something so silently, I barely notice he had even talked.
“Excuse me, what was that?” I turn to fully face him and he's looking down, gripping the ends of his sleeves tightly.
“Nothing.” he almost growls before changing back to the cheerful demeanor from before. “Anyways, go ahead! Don't mind me, I'll just have some tea.” and he sits down next to a backpack, pulling out a container which is supposedly filled with hot water or tea.
“Wait- So you're- I- You're just gonna drink tea while I kill myself?”
“Yep”
“And you won't have any regrets?”
“Nope.”
I stare at him in disbelief as he sips his tea.
“Would you like some?” he asks.
Is he seriously asking me that!?
He reaches into his backpack and pulls out a teacup.
Okay, he's seriously asking me that..…
Well.. Tea sounds nice..
I walk over to him and sit down, gently taking the cup offered to me. I shiver when I feel the hot tea fill the cup, only now noticing how my hands seem to have frozen. I blow on it a bit and take my first sip. Not bad. Sweet like honey with a bitter aftertaste. I can't identify what exactly it tastes like.. Apple and cinnamon? No.. But it definitely has cinnamon in it. I think..
“What kind of tea is this?” I ask, looking at him curiously. He looks at me mysteriously, raising the cup to his lips with a faint laugh. “Family secret” he answers and drinks.
We sit here, the setting sun having almost disappeared and the moon already up in the sky. A few of many stars could be identified, the bright lights and commotion of the city barely reaching this place. At some point we started talking and we talk about everything and nothing. I find out that his name is Furihata Kouki, he loves the colours red and gold because they remind him of the sunset, he has one brother and many friends that care for him, he doesn't have the easiest job, but it makes him happy, he likes dogs more than cats and he thinks that pizza crust should always be eaten. I found out so much more, some things not really being important.
I tell him things about myself too, some things more personal than others, but there was something that made me feel so comfortable with telling him this, so I didn't mind.
“Where are you staying tonight?” I ask after he told me about how he got kicked out of his previous apartment. Luckily, I managed to quickly save myself from saying 'if you want, you can stay over at my place'. That would just be weird.
“Oh, I'm gonna find a hotel. I'll stay here for a while though” he answered casually, but I didn't like the idea of him walking searching alone. Who knows what could happen?
“I'll book you a room and I'll walk you there. It's okay if I have to wait, I can take the cold and-”
“Akashi-kun, you really don't have to do this. Don't get me wrong, you're wonderful company, but you should get home. You're an important guy, get your well deserved rest” he smiled and pushed me up, silently telling me to leave.
I look down at him and nervously drum my fingers against each other. “I.. I'd like to see you again..”
“I'll be here tomorrow”
It's a simple response, but for some reason it makes my heart flutter with excitement.
“Then.. See you tomorrow?” “See you tomorrow.”
And with that I leave, ready to start a new day and see him tomorrow. I'll get through the shit of tomorrow, and I'll see him.
—
“Furihata!”
He turns and smiles at me, giving me a small wave. He's leaning onto the railing again, the backpack from yesterday next to him and a cup of tea in his hands.
“Tea?” “Yes, please.”
We talk again, we talk until there's no more tea left and the sun sets. He told me about his friends, he told me about his work and family. I told him about my friends and our highschool days and he tells me about his. We told each other about dreams that never came true, wishes we'd never fulfill. And it was okay, for some weird reason.
And then he, once again, told me to leave and get some rest. And we made plans to meet tomorrow. And everything felt just right.
—
“You know Kuroko?” he asks, excitement clear in his voice. I laugh and nod.
“Yeah, our parents married a few years ago and we're brothers now.”
“That's so cool! Kuroko's really admirable! How is he? I haven't talked to him in ages!” he starts blabbing about how they went to highschool together and they met through basketball but he quit the club before Winter Cup because of family problems and for some reason they couldn't meet up after that anymore.
“I played as well. If you hadn't quit, we could've met sooner.” I laugh and he laughs with me, but for some reason it sounded forced.
I made a mental note of calling Kuroko this week to ask him about Furihata.
—
“Hello?”
“Hello, Tetsuya”
“Akashi-kun”
“I told you to drop the honorific, we're brothers”
“Of course.. Akashi..”
I sigh at that. Even after our parents married, he still refused to call me Seijuro. I guess I'll always be ‘Akashi’ to him. No matter, at least he acknowledges the fact that we're brothers, even if we don't share the same last name or the same blood.
“What do you need?”
“Can't guy call his big brother and not have everyone get suspicious?”
“Akashi.”
“Tetsuya.”
I know that he doesn't believe me, and I honestly don't believe myself either. I mean, he is correct, but I believe that it would be rude to not ask how he is.
“Anyways, I just wanted to ask you how you've been.”
“Good, thank you. And you?”
“Better than before.”
“…”
“So, I wanted to ask you about someone..”
“Now there's the real reason you called.”
“Very funny.”
“I know you, we all do. You always have an ulterior motive”
“Is that so?”
“Yes.”
“Oh. Well, anyways, I want to ask about someone who was in your highschool basketball team”
“Kagami-kun?”
“No, Furihata Kouki.”
Silence. For a second I think he hung up on me, but after a glance at my screen I saw he was still there.
“Tetsuya?”
“Ah, yes, sorry. How do you know him?” his voice seems strained, I can even hear it through the phone.
“I met him a few weeks ago.” I explain. Maybe Furihata moved away and hasn't told them that he came back?
“Akashi, I think that was a dream.” There it is again. That weird tone. What's happening over there?
“That can't be, I meet him every evening on the rooftop of my company.”
“There's no way that you could've met him. Maybe you heard his name and somehow created a person in your dreams, I don't know, but it can't be him.” He sounds so weird. As if he's gonna cry. Did they have a past?
“But he told me he knows you! He told me about how you got your dog, he talked about how much fun you all had together, he told me about the Seirin team and how much he misses you and about how he quit basketball-”
“Furihata-kun didn't quit basketball.” he practically growls at me. I've never heard him this mad and sad before, not even when we had that fight with the Jabberwock.
“But he-”
“Furihata-kun loved basketball more than he loved himself. He loved the sport, when he got the chance to play at a practice match, he was always so happy. A-and he loved the team, we were one big family. He did not quit.”
“Then what happened?”
“It's best if you don't know.”
“Tetsu-” “I'll have to leave now. Goodbye, Akashi-kun.”
—
“Why did you lie to me?”
It was like any other night, we were drinking tea next to each other in silence, waiting for someone to start a conversation. Today he brought green tea.
“What do you mean, Akashi?”
“You said you quit the club”
“I did.” Liar.
“Tetsuya told me you didn't quit.”
He laughs and drums his fingers on his cup. “Well, I didn't really quit. I kinda had no other choice? There was no way I could play. I just say I quit, since it's pretty much the same thing.”
“What happened?”
“I died.”
I stare at him in disbelief. He died? But he's sitting right next to me. I can drink the tea he offers me and.. And I can feel his jacket, his breath creates white puffs in the air, he's right next to me. He has to be real. He has to be alive. Right? He has to be.
“How can you be dead when you're talking to me right now?” I stare at my tea and glare at it.
“Do you believe in ghosts?” he asks instead.
“Ghosts don't exist.”
“Then explain how you're talking to me.”
“I think this is just one big prank that you and Tetsuya set up.” I frown at the sadness in his eyes. It had to be a prank, ghosts aren't real and they're just playing with me.
“I wish!” he laughs, “I would kill for that to be real.”
And there was silence. Deafening silence, the kind that made you feel so alone, like nobody was there to help you when you needed it.
“They visit my grave every now and then.” I look over to him and see him smiling down at his cup, gripping it so tightly his hands shook. “They visit when it's my death anniversary, when it's my birthday, when it's their birthday, they come on the day we first met.. T-they used to come whenever they won a match and also when they lost one. They'd t-talk about their day, keep me updated and all.” a few tears rolled down his cheeks.
“I.. I re-really miss them.” he laughs, wiping away his tears, his laughs often mixing with sobs and hiccups.
I don't know what to say. I want to believe him, but at the same time I don't. If he really is dead and I accept that fact, he'll be gone forever. But if I don't he might break, he might think he has no one that believes him, no one that would listen to his story.
Sighing, I reach up and pat his head, silently telling him he has my support.
His hair is soft.
—
"How did you die?" It's probably the most insensitive question I could ask him, but I want to know, I just have to.
He raises his cup to his lips, taking small sips and never putting it down. It was his way of avoiding conversations, he'd just continue sipping his tea until I let it drop.
"Kouki, please tell me" he simply falls back into his clothes, squishing himself together and trying to look as small as possible.
"Koouukiiii" I lean closer to him and he shrinks back even more, squeezing his eyes shut and shaking his head. Fine, I'll ask him some other time. Instead of asking him again, I set my cup down next to me and wrap my arms around him, giving him a small peck on his cheek when he looks at me with shock and confusion.
He relaxes and melts into the embrace, snuggling his face into my chest.
His body is cold.
—
“Hey.” “Hi!”
I sit down next to him again and he hands me my cup. There's silence for a few minutes until I decide to speak up, finally asking him what's been on my mind for so long.
“Will you ever leave?”
He looks at me and tilts his head, asking me to clarify.
“Since you're a ghost and all… Won't you ever disappear after your deed is done and.. I don't know, go to heaven?”
There are a few seconds of silence and he looks at the sky, humming thoughtfully before turning to me with one of his signature ‘It's gonna be okay’ smiles.
“I won't leave 'till you stop coming here.”
“Then I'll come here until the day I die.”
“It's a deal.”