Work Text:
This was (L)it.
This was the moment Bucky had been waiting for. Longing for. Hoping for. Waiting three god damn years for. He felt like his whole life had been leading up to this moment. Nothing was more important than getting it right. If he messed up, there was no coming back from it. He would be humiliated. Laughed at. Ridiculed. Well, not really. But it would be extremely embarrassing if he failed and Bucky knew his friendship with him wouldn't recover.
It had all started in 2014. When they'd come back from their holidays, in the beginning of the new year, Steve Rogers had just started up as the new art teacher. As soon as Bucky saw him he'd been smitten. With his sweet smile, his big eyes full of kindness and his arms. Those arms were going to be the death of Bucky. Three years on and he was still certain of it.
Bucky had spent most of Steve's first year pining quietly in the background, only really talking to Steve if he had to. They'd slowly become almost friends. It wasn't until Steve's first Christmas at the school that Bucky really made any progress.
The teachers were all having their own private work party at a bar and Steve had gotten drunk. Bucky had only had a couple of drinks so he remembered the entire night. Steve, on the other hand, had been so out of his mind that he didn't remember much of anything at all. Much to Bucky's disappointment.
He'd bumped into Steve coming out of the bathroom. Stumbling out was more accurate. Steve had mumbled something incoherent and Bucky knew he needed to do the right thing. He'd walked Steve out to his car and driven him home, almost getting lost with Steve's drunk directions. Steve lived in an apartment not far from the school, up on the fifth floor.
Bucky walked him all the way up to his door, wanting to make sure he was okay. Driving him home would have been pointless if he'd left Steve on the footpath to go wandering off which he seemed intent on doing most of the journey there.
“You gonna be okay?” Bucky half laughed as Steve struggled to get his key out of his pocket.
“Yep. Yeah. Yes. I'll be good. Thanks for driving me home, Buck. You're a great friend.” Steve smiled, giving up on the key and instead turning his attention onto Bucky. He leaned back against the door and smiled sleepily at Bucky. “I wish- I wish I wasn't-” Steve broke off and sighed.
“What?” Bucky asked warily.
“You know, from the moment I saw you there was… something about you. I wanted you. You were like, the hottest history teacher I've ever seen.” Steve sighed, seemingly unaware that Bucky was still there. His eyes were unfocused and he was looking over Bucky's shoulder, down the hall.
“Really?”
“Yeah… But I… Screw it.” Steve suddenly grabbed Bucky's shirt and kissed him. Steve tasted of alcohol and it was a sloppy kiss but Bucky didn't really care. It was something he'd wanted to happen all god damn year. Bucky kissed him back hard, pushing him up against the door with a thump. A second later the door opened from the inside and they stumbled slightly, breaking apart in shock.
“Did you forget your key- what the fuck is this?!”
“Andy?” Steve whirled around wildly, his movements exaggerated and heavy. “What the fuck are you doing in here?!”
“I should ask you the same thing!”
“It's my fucking apartment!” Steve yelled, struggling to stand up straight. Bucky watched nervously, unsure of what was going on.
“What the fuck are you doing bringing random men home?!” Andy growled, his eyes darting to Bucky and back to Steve.
“Wait- are you his boyfriend?” Bucky asked suddenly, putting two and two together finally.
“Yes!” Andy snapped.
“No!” Steve snarled back. “We broke up, Andy.”
“Yeah, yesterday, and you're already fucking someone else. Or maybe you already were.” Andy said matter of factly, his eyes darkening.
“Maybe I should go.” Bucky said slowly, not really wanting to be a part of it all.
“No- Bucky, you don't have to. He's the one who has to.” Steve sighed, a lot sober suddenly. “I'm sorry about this.”
“It's fine, Steve.” Bucky muttered.
“You. Out. Now.” Steve clicked his fingers at Andy, glaring at him until he finally grabbed his jacket and walked out, leaving Steve to put his face in his hands and groan.
“You okay?”
“Yeah. Fine.” Steve sighed, heading into his kitchen for a glass of water. “You want a drink?”
“No, I uh, I should get going.” Bucky said quietly, watching Steve over the counter.
“Okay. I really am sorry.” Steve mumbled.
“You don't have to apologise.” Bucky shrugged.
“We actually broke up a week ago but he didn't really accept it until yesterday. When I ended it with him, I made a new years resolution that I wouldn't date or sleep with anyone for a while.” Steve explained. “I keep going through guys at alarming rates and it always ends bad. So I made a promise to myself and to my friends that I'd stop...”
“Well, that's good I guess.” Bucky said without enthusiasm. That wasn't exactly what he wanted to hear.
“So I'm really sorry I kissed you. Not that I didn't want to but I really need to stick to this promise.” Steve said without looking at Bucky.
Bucky nodded. “I guess I'll see you at work then.”
“Bye, Bucky.” Steve said miserably.
Bucky let himself out and left, driving all the way home before letting his own misery sink in. After that night, Steve and Bucky had been good friends. But Steve hadn't remembered anything at all. He knew Bucky had driven him home but that was all he could remember. Bucky figured there was no reason that should change.
2015 didn't hold anything exciting in store for Bucky. In fact, Steve went on holiday towards the end of the year and wasn't there for the staff Christmas party at all. The only memorable moment for Bucky had been in the first week back after summer. Steve's boyfriend had shown up, yelling that Steve was cheating on him. Right in the cafeteria in front of everybody. Students and teachers alike. Steve's then boyfriend had literally singled Bucky out, not knowing that the actual Bucky was standing across the cafeteria reluctantly watching.
“It's that asshole you told me about isn't it?! That Buck guy? You're screwing him aren't you!” He screeched, getting in Steve's face which was quite a feat considering Steve was about a foot taller than him.
“Joe, please just take a moment and consider where you are and what you're doing.” Steve said firmly, closing his eyes but not before glancing at Bucky.
“Whatever, Steve. I'm done. We're done. That Buck guy is welcome to you.” Joe shoved Steve backwards and stormed out, leaving students and teachers watching him in shock.
Steve kept his eyes shut for a moment before opening them and looking around at everyone. “Shows over.” He abandoned his empty food tray and stormed out after 'Joe', keeping his eyes averted from everyone and everything.
After that, Steve took a week off and after that he didn't speak to Bucky for a week. Until suddenly he did, acting as if nothing had happened. Bucky almost wanted to challenge him on it but he'd clearly had two weeks from hell, so he left it. He was mostly just grateful to have his friend back.
2016 rolled around and Bucky had the best summer he'd ever had. Up until the summer break, he'd never actually hung out with Steve outside of work. But towards the end of June, Bucky had received a text from Steve asking him to come to his birthday party on the fourth of July. Bucky had to wait five minutes to calm down before he replied.
After that party, they'd hung out several times before school returned. Bucky and Steve had somehow become best friends and yet every moment was painful because, despite being able to hang out with Steve constantly, he still had boyfriends and girlfriends and Bucky hated every one of them.
He was certain Steve knew, it was pretty obvious. Bucky always criticised most of his partners, always complimented him, barely dated anyone himself and whenever he was unable to get out of spending time with whoever Steve was dating, he wasn't the nicest person. He had no idea why Steve put up with him sometimes.
When Christmas was just a month and a half away, Bucky finally had his chance. Steve and Bucky were the best of friends and Steve had just broken up with his boyfriend. Bucky had helped him through it, secretly relishing the fact that Steve hadn't met anyone. He usually ended up with a new person a couple of weeks afterwards. They always started out with Steve having the intention of it being a fling but he could never bring himself to tell the person he was dating that. They always wanted more and Steve always got stuck. But two weeks later, when Bucky brought it up during a dinner party at Steve's house, he'd given Bucky good news.
“So, you met anyone yet?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you usually end up dating someone new by now.” Bucky pointed out, slightly drunk.
“Oh...” Steve frowned, waving at someone who had just walked in. “Nah. Trying to slow down.” Steve smiled.
“Good good.” Bucky said, watching him closely.
“Why? You're waiting to criticise my next partner?” Steve asked jokingly.
“I wish I was your next partner.” Bucky muttered under his breath, looking away from Steve's piercing gaze.
“Oh! Have you met my buddy, Sam?” Steve said suddenly as a skinny black guy walked through the front door.
“No? How is that possible?” Bucky asked in confusion as Sam started making his way over to them.
“He's just got back from four years over in Iraq.” Steve explained. “Sam! Long time no see! I'm so glad you could make it!”
“Stevie! I missed you so much!” He gasped, pulling Steve into a hug. Closer up, he looked like someone for Bucky to be jealous of. Which came to be true when Sam whispered something in Steve's ear and Steve looked at him sadly, something flitting over his face.
“This is Bucky. Friend from work.” Steve said, letting go of Sam.
“Hey, how's it going?” Bucky smiled, shaking Sam's hand.
“Good thanks. Steve, I'm gonna catch up with everyone but I'll come talk to you later.” Sam said, his eyes finding someone across the room.
“I'll see you soon.” Steve nodded. Once he had left, Steve turned to Bucky with a sad look on his face. “He helped me come out. I was gutted when he left.”
“Oh, must be good to have him back.” Bucky said, watching Sam talk to someone.
“Yeah...”
Steve was clearly bothered by something but Bucky didn't feel like he could bring it up so he changed the subject. “So, you haven't got your sights set on someone new?”
Steve looked around at Bucky and smiled widely. “Maybe. But… he'll never go out with me...”
“Oh really? Why's that? Have you asked him out? Who could resist the Rogers charm?” Bucky joked, raking his eyes over Steve's face. He would never get sick of loving that face.
“No I uh… We're too good friends… I don't think he wants to ruin that… It might be too late.” Steve sighed, looking away and taking a swig of his beer. “I think I'm just gonna stay single for a while. Take a break.”
“Sounds like a plan.” Bucky muttered.
One week later, Molly had pulled Bucky aside in the staffroom looking furious with him. “Ask. Him. Out.” And then she'd walked off. Bucky had stared after her in shock, reeling from her words. This was when he'd finally decided to plan it. The school's Christmas dance was a few days away and Bucky had the support of some students to work up the courage to finally, finally, ask Steve out.
“Are you gonna do it or not, Mr Barnes?”
“Yeah, come on.”
“Shh.” Bucky waved a hand to quieten his students. “I'm getting there. Just- give me a second.”
“He's going to leave if you don't hurry.” One of them pointed out.
“Quiet.” He muttered, physically and mentally bracing himself.
Steve left the staffroom, looking down at his phone as he started heading towards the staff car park. This was it. Now or never. One of Bucky's students prodded him in the back and he started walking, catching up to Steve.
“Hey, Steve.”
“Bucky! Hey! I thought you had gone already.” Steve smiled easily at him, the two men falling into step as they walked up the half empty corridors together.
“Nah, still here. I uh, I actually had something I wanted to ask you.” Bucky said nervously as they exited the building and headed towards Steve's car, snow falling softly around them.
“Go for it.” Steve said, taking his keys out and unlocking his car with the clicker.
“It uh, it's a little hard to say.” Bucky mumbled, scuffing his feet in the snow as Steve opened his car door, dropping his bag onto the passenger seat.
“That's okay. I got time. Is everything okay with you?” Steve's face dropped slightly, concern shaping his features.
“Yeah yeah, definitely. I'm okay I was just- wondering if- maybe you- you would be- bemydatetothechristmasdancethisnextweek?” Bucky breathed out, feeling like a weight had been lifted from his chest suddenly.
Steve grinned. “What was that? I didn't catch it all.”
“Fuck.” Bucky snorted. “I was- just wondering if you wanted to be- my date to the- the dance next week?”
“Oh, Bucky. I'm really sorry but I'm not actually going to the dance. I've got that family thing on.” Steve said, shattering Bucky's entire world.
“Oh. Right. I forgot… That- that's okay. Nevermind. I'll just- yeah. See you, Steve.” Bucky turned around and before Steve could say or do anything, he was back inside the school, cursing himself for being so stupid. Why he thought that was a good idea was beyond him. He returned to his classroom where the group of students who had invested themselves into Bucky's love life were waiting, eager for the news. They all looked at him expectantly as he walked up to them.
“He's not even going to the stupid dance.” Bucky sighed, walking past them into his classroom. He sat down at his desk and put his head in his hands. “I'm never gonna be able to look at him ever again.”
“Don't be so dramatic.”
Bucky looked up at Cassandra and snorted. “I'm not being dramatic. I'm being realistic.”
“Mr Barnes, what exactly did he say?” Jack, the oldest of the group, asked him slowly.
“He said he's sorry and that he's not going to the dance because of a family thing. And then I mumbled something and walked away.” Bucky groaned, dropping his head down onto his desk completely.
“That's not a no.” Farah pointed out.
“Exactly what I was going to say.” Cassandra smiled. “Look, don't give up hope. It's not over yet. You still have two weeks left before school breaks up and-”
“Oh god, I don't think I can survive two more weeks now that this has happened.” Bucky laughed bitterly. “All right. I need to get some work done. Go home guys. You've got homework.”
The three of them left, complaining about homework and Steve's family thing, leaving Bucky to sit in his own misery. He waited until he was certain they had actually left before he packed up his own things and went home, falling onto his couch when he arrived. So that was it. Three years, wasted. Three years pining over Steve Rogers only for Bucky to screw it all up as soon as he got the courage to do something about it.
It was a miserable week afterwards. Every time Bucky saw Steve in the hallways he'd find some excuse to disappear or busy himself. He'd find the nearest teacher and start talking to them about something meaningless, start talking to a student even if they weren't in his class. Steve seemed okay with this. He'd get a weird look on his face and walk past Bucky, glancing at him every two seconds. It wasn't until the day of the school dance that Bucky was forced to actually speak to Steve.
It was the morning and Bucky didn't have a class so he was in the staffroom getting coffee, humming along to a song on the radio. There wasn't anyone else in there, the windows were fogged up, the radiators along the walls pumping out heat. Bucky was just about to sit down with some of his work when the door opened and in walked Steve.
“Oh, hey.” He said, as soon as he spotted Bucky.
Bucky was just setting his coffee down on the table but he picked it back up straight away, gathering up his work. “Hey. There's fresh coffee in the pot.” He said, his face blushing as he kept his head down.
“Cool. Listen, Bucky.” Steve said, forcing Bucky to look at him. “About last week. I really am sorry.”
“It's fine. Forget about it. Seriously.” Bucky said firmly, giving Steve a smile that didn't reach his eyes.
“No. It's not. I feel awful and you left before I could even say anything else.” Steve smiled, completely at ease. The bastard.
“Yeah, well...” Bucky trailed off, not knowing what he had been planning on saying. Steve opened his mouth to say something but Bucky interrupted him before he even started. “Listen, I gotta go. Need to get ready for my class.” He lied. He already had the rest of his lessons prepped for the day.
“Oh. Okay. I'll uh, I'll see you later then.” Steve sighed, moving to the coffee pot. Bucky scooped up his work into his arms and left the staffroom, feeling like a total idiot. Why did life have to be like that?
*
“Barnes, I need your help.”
Bucky nodded and smiled at Molly, the part time art teacher. “What can I do for you?”
“I left a gift for a friend in my classroom but I can't leave here yet. I'm on thin ice. If Principal Ellis finds out that I left while I'm supposed to be chaperoning she'll have my ass. You couldn't possibly run and grab it for me could you?”
“Yeah, no worries.” Bucky nodded.
“Ah! Thank you so much. It's just right on top of my desk. You can't miss it.” She smiled, relief flooding her face.
“Cool. I'll go grab it.” Bucky said, glad to get away from the annoying Christmas music if only for a moment.
It was strangely surreal to be walking down the corridors in the dark, no kids yelling and laughing and running and being annoying. It was peaceful. Why couldn't it always be like this? As much as he loved to teach, it didn't change the fact that most kids were extremely and unnecessarily loud and annoying.
Bucky arrived at the two art classrooms and stared. Both doors were shut, the lights were off and Bucky had absolutely no clue which one was Molly's. He went with the left and opened the door, almost shouting out at the sight of a dark figure at the desk.
“Holy shit!”
“Bucky?!”
“Steve?!”
“What the hell are you doing in my classroom at this time of night?” Steve asked as Bucky flicked the light on. He was wearing a very expensive looking suit and his hair was styled, his fringe in a backwards wave type style. He looked ridiculously good and Bucky was staring too long.
“I didn't know it was yours. I was doing Molly a favour and grabbing a present for her. I just guessed this room but, evidently I got it wrong.” Bucky laughed sheepishly.
“How's the dance going?” Steve asked, sitting down in his chair tiredly.
“Standard. Nothing bad has happened yet so I guess you could call it a success.” Bucky shrugged. “How's your family thing?”
“Ugh. Don't ask.” Steve rolled his eyes.
“How come you're here and not there?” Bucky asked, leaning against the door frame behind him.
“Grabbing something.” Steve smiled, gesturing to the neatly wrapped present sitting on his desk. “Purposely taking ages to avoid going back and dealing with my family.”
“Why don't you come see the dance? Some of the students decorated the gym.” Bucky suggested, pointing over his shoulder.
“Yeah, my art students.” Steve laughed, getting up from his chair. “I'll still come though. Better to see it in action.”
“Okay. I just gotta grab Molly's present.” Bucky said, leaving the classroom and going into the next one, Steve following him close behind. He flicked the light on and went straight to her desk. There was no present in sight so he opened the drawers until he found it nestled between some folders. He straightened up and looked at Steve and smiled. He had shut the door and was leaning against it, looking down at his phone with a frown on his face.
“Everything okay?” Bucky asked hesitantly.
“Mom is complaining I'm taking too long.” Steve rolled his eyes. “Can we stay here and talk for a bit? Not quite ready to brave the masses.”
“Uh- sure.” Bucky muttered, suddenly feeing trapped and at a loss for what to talk about. He desperately wished it could be like it was before he'd opened his mouth, before all the awkwardness. A week ago he wouldn't have had a problem with being in the same room as Steve, having to make conversation. But now, his mind had gone blank and he had no idea what the fuck to do. He looked up at the ceiling as if it would help him and that was when he spotted it. The mistletoe. Just above Steve's head, taped to the top of the door frame. Bucky stared at it for too long and caused Steve to look up, spot it and grin beautifully.
“What's happening with your family thing then? Why is it shit?” Bucky asked, not even letting Steve say the word mistletoe.
“Oh. My Uncle Alfie… You know. Family dramas.” Steve shrugged, looking back down at his phone. Bucky immediately felt guilty for asking. Steve barely mentioned his Uncle Alfie. Only briefly in passing. But Bucky knew he had an alcohol problem, possibly a drug problem, and it was a sore subject that wasn't spoken about enough in Steve's opinion.
“Sorry. I shouldn't have asked.” Bucky muttered. He looked around uncomfortably, wishing he hadn't brought it up.
“It's fine… Bucky?”
“Hmm?” Bucky looked at him nervously. He was grinning at something on his phone.
“Come here and look at this. Oh my god.” He laughed, clearly watching a video.
Bucky walked over to him and looked at his phone. He wasn't watching anything, he was just staring at his lock screen. “What is it?” Bucky asked expectantly.
“Nothing. I just wanted to get you over here so we were underneath the mistletoe together.” Steve said breathlessly, winking at Bucky's shocked face. He opened his mouth wordlessly as Steve pulled him close, his body freezing up for all of three seconds. But in those three seconds, Steve had closed his mouth over Bucky's, turning them around and pushing Bucky up against the wall before ending the kiss.
“Merry Christmas, Buck.” He breathed, resting his forehead against Bucky's.
Bucky stared at him in shock before grinning suddenly. “Oh, thank god for that.”
“Finally, right?”
“Finally.”