Work Text:
Odette, Vodyanitsa, and Alyosha huddled in a pile on the floor, squinting at Mitya’s old laptop. The four of them were at Alyosha’s house for movie night– Sure, they could've gone to any of the other three’s for it, with nicer apartments and an actual TV, but the two women and the researcher all agree, Alyosha’s place is the only one that feels truly lived in. Mitya and Vodyanitsa’s are too cluttered to have proper floor time (very important) or couch cuddles (also very important), and Odette’s is barren, empty, and frankly makes them all a little bit depressed to be in.
The situation has gotten better since she gained herself a girlfriend and two boyfriends, since they’ve lovingly populated her home with questionable math equations, a genuine fur blanket (but don’t ask what kind of fur), and the sweet salty scent of oceanic perfume, but they still prefer Alyosha’s old cabin since they’re all used to it now.
Also, it’s a little drafty and gets cold sometimes. It’s a good excuse to cuddle, at least.
“I am NOT scared!” Vodyanitsa puffs up, an angry little scowl across her lips. “I can watch a horror movie just fine! I could watch 50 horror movies and be just fine, you hear me?!”
Alyosha shares a secretive little glance with his other partner, who mildly purses her lips but otherwise says nothing, as if to say, you respond.
The hunter sucks up a deep breath, and says in his calmest, least confrontational voice, “Rýpka… I just think we could go for maybe a different kind of vibe with our movie date today–”
“NONSENSE!!! I CAN HANDLE A HORROR MOVIE!”
Odette settles a hand on their raging girlfriend, who has turned away from both of them with a giant pout on her lips. “Vodyanitsa… I… I’m scared of horror movies. Let’s watch something else.
She absolutely is not, but the situation is dire.
Vodyanitsa peaks one eye out to look at her girlfriend, that singular eye squinting suspiciously to investigate for any signs of deception… Odette is experienced staying calm under pressure, but even she is a little unnerved being under such scrutiny of her lover.
“Awww, Odette, it’ll be okay!” She puffs up again, happily this time, “Your brave girlfriend will protect you!! Hold onto me any time you’re scared, okay??”
Alyosha gulps. Odette accepts their fate.
They both know there’s no changing her mind at this point.
“Okay, we’ve picked a movie. Wonderful!” She claps her hands in glee, but stops midway as she stops to consider, “When is Mitya coming back…? We picked the movie already and everything!”
All three of them freeze at the same time, as they remember–
“SHIT!!!” Vodyanitsa yowls, “WE LEFT MITYA IN CHARGE OF THE SNACKS!!!”
Alyosha and Vodyanitsa go completely pale, and Odette figures it is up to her to prevent Alyosha’s house from burning down.
Before she goes, Alyosha solemnly throws his own blanket over her shoulders. He salutes her.
“For your protection,” Alyosha says gravely.
She nods at him.
Never even in her earliest memories of dance and rehearsal have her steps trembled this much. Odette is uncertain of what is ahead of her, only that it could be anything from witnessing the birth of a true masterpiece… or fire taller than her girlfriend. Granted, Vodyanitsa isn’t very tall, but in an ideal situation, no fire should be taller than Vodyanitsa. Yet, it’s definitely something Mitya could achieve if he put his brain to it.
Odette has seen it happen.
The thing about Mitya, is… he needs a recipe. He’s fine if he has one. Or else, the researcher thinks adding lemon juice to a dish means adding the entire lemon. Odette has brought her own salad dressings, since then.
She tugs Alyosha’s blanket along her shoulders a little tighter in some pale imitation of armor and holds her breath as she enters the kitchen, please don’t be on fire–
“Hm?”
Mitya stands at the stove, flipping his head back to give her a charming, handsome smile.
“Odette!”
He says it like he’s the happiest man in the world, and Odette is able to relax a little bit, at last. There is no fire. Yet.
“Hey, Mitya,” she says casually. “Are the snacks all prepared?”
And then the feeling of dread returns as she watches her partner’s eyes go empty with confusion.
Immediately she rushes past him, to the pot on the stove and– yep. Burnt popcorn. Not just that… Alyosha only has microwave popcorn. It’s the unseasoned, healthy version Odette likes, the stuff that comes in paper bags– Mitya must've opened a package and put it in the pot.
Why???
Instead of voicing her concerns on her boyfriend's sanity, her voice dips politely, “Do we still have barbecue chips?”
Mitya only then notices the burnt popcorn and winces.
“I brought Alyosha’s barbecue chips, and those sweets Vodyanitsa likes… I’m sorry I burned your popcorn. I was– I was thinking, why does popcorn pop? So I got thinking– Such an explosive reaction like that, it’s either a chemical reaction or, more likely I’d recon, pressure build-up! If moisture within the kernel evaporates during heating, then that creates more gas within than the kernel is able to withstand, then–”
Odette has to literally cover her partner’s mouth before he stops rambling, but he does try for a solid few seconds to continue his explanation, before he just gives up and gives Odette his characteristic, adorable wide-eyed stare.
“I brought your favorite ice cream,” she says with a small smile. “Though… I guess I’ll have a little bit of it too, since there’s no popcorn. I can’t have too much of it, of course–”
“I’ll go get us bowls and spoons! Odette, you’re the best! Uh, don’t tell Alyosha and Vodyanitsa that–”
She can’t help but laugh a little at her boyfriend’s antics, watching him excitedly scramble for large ice cream bowls and meticulously choosing the most ‘ice-cream shaped spoons’, whatever that means.
(It’s the one with the smoother transitions between the scooping part and handle part of the spoon. Also, sometimes heavier than other spoons… but it is not acceptable for regular eating spoons to be too heavy. This exception is only for ice cream spoons. Not to be confused with soup spoons, which– Um. Are different in a way, somehow.
According to Mitya, at least… he probably has a lot to say about soup spoons, too.)
Well, as long as it makes him happy, even if he’s definitely served her too much ice cream. He’s also given her what he dubs “The Better Spoon,” and Odette can’t help but feel a little touched.
Together, they bring the haul back to the rest of their partners, getting to watch Alyosha and Vodyanitsa’s eyes light up at the sight of their favorite snacks. Mitya usually gets too involved in the plot (or the plotholes) and forgets to eat his ice cream, while Odette definitely isn’t going to finish such an indulgent portion, but the other two will happily finish whatever ice cream they don’t, so it all works out.
Mitya casts a curious glance at Odette and Alyosha upon seeing their selected movie. They look back at him with an expression begging him to not ruin this for their girlfriend. He raises his eyebrows, but ultimately chooses to not fight a battle that cannot be won. Smart boy.
So, the movie starts…
–
…and Vodyanitsa has screamed no less than 5 times. They are 20 minutes into the movie.
“Ha… hahahaha,” she laughs nervously. “That guy is going to be fine, r-r-right?”
She is proved wrong in exactly 47 seconds when he is brutally murdered by the ridiculous clown-themed serial killer. The ridiculous part isn’t even that he’s a clown– No, he’s a killer clown wearing sandals.
“MAKE IT STOPPPPP!” She wails, clinging to Odette’s arms, who, comparatively, is perfectly calm and enjoying a spoon of ice cream. “ODETTE!!! MAKE THE BAD GUY GO AWAY!!”
“Vodyanitsa, that’s not how horror movies work…”
Alyosha piles another blanket on her shoulders, even further burying her in the pile where she’s already got 3. He pats her back soothingly, “There, there…”
“Interesting,” Mitya babbles on from where he’s further up, away from them and closer to the screen, deeply analyzing the scene. “What a creative choice from the director… They’ve killed off every main character we’ve already been introduced to, including the really cute guy… Bummer.”
“Mitya,” she sniffles, cowering within her pile of blankets. “Can you come here?”
He drops all thought of the movie’s questionable plot as he moves to Vodyanitsa’s side, subtly pushing his bowl of ice cream a little easier for her reach, noticing Odette do the same on her other side. The smaller girl clings to him immediately, like a fish jumping out of hiding to snatch prey– He’s a little surprised by the singer’s strength, but happily allows himself to be pulled in and become one with the blankets.
In fact, it seems like he’s joined in on Odette’s predicament, becoming a human pillow for her to hug and hide into at will, though they both consider it a high honor as Vodyanitsa is finally seemingly calming down a bit. There’s just one more…
She gives Alyosha her best puppy eyes.
“Where am I even supposed to fit?”
He tilts his head a little, looking utterly confused like a lost puppy. Vodyanitsa resists the urge to coo at the adorable sight, but she does not resist patting her lap and looking at him hopefully.
“...No.”
“Alyosha, you will get over here and sit on my lap if you know what is good for you, my treasured beloved.”
“Why me?”
“Because you’re small and you’ll fit just right!”
“Odette is only taller than me because of the heels–”
Mitya cuts in with his own little pout, clinging to Vodyanitsa a little harder and giving him the same eyes, “C’mon, Alyosha! We need you!”
Odette says nothing, but she does look incredibly relaxed and comfortable, lazing about and leaning on their girlfriend…
He sighs, and all three of them know that means he’s given in. Mitya and Vodyanitsa high five, Odette politely settles for a fist bump.
Vodyanitsa eagerly pulls him into her lap, and… fuck. It’s too comfortable. He can see why dogs like this. Lap is soft and warm… and Vodyanitsa is petting his hair. Chips are appearing in front of him and he nibbles on them mindlessly, hardly registering that Mitya and Odette are taking turns hand feeding him chips and giggling about it.
Okay, nevermind, he’s never going to leave.
Finally satisfied and smothered in all 3 of her lovers and surrounded by good snacks, Vodyanitsa feels secure enough to continue the horror movie–
Their peaceful cuddle pile lasts about 5 minutes longer, before the poor woman is terrified again. Mitya has strong words about the plot, Odette thinks the murder schemes are lousy, Alyosha is unhappy but also unwilling to bring up that he has to feed himself his own chips, and Vodyanitsa has learned two valuable lessons– One, horror movies are terrifying. Two, they’re a great excuse to cuddle.
She will only weaponize this knowledge, in the future.
Alyosha, Odette, and Mitya are all well aware of this, and they remain deeply in love because of it.