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"I-I love it, my man. But it's...", the customer shrugged.
Victor showed him no ill-will. He waved it off,
"Another time, Bill. No problem. Tell you what - I'll try to keep this baby around until your next payday"
"That would be amazing!"
"No problem at all", they shook hands.
Victor waved at Bill, as he drove away in his sedan, calling,
"Go Bears!"
Bill waved back cheerily. Victor maintained his smile and mumbled,
"Stupid ball-head"
He turned back towards the office and walked through the lanes of second hand cars.
If you asked him, he couldn't get home sooner. Every evening that came filled him with an ocean of longing for his child. He rushed home, climbed the rickety stairs to the shack, and found Gloria watching the portable TV in his living room/kitchen. His eyes searched all over for his pride and joy.
"Hey", he greeted his lonely landlady, "Where's she?"
"She said she wanted to finish her coloring. Went inside a while ago"
"Thank you so much", Victor said, "I appreciate this"
Gloria gave him her most charming smile,
"Well, there are ways to pay me, y'know"
"Of course"
Grinning, he led her to the door.
"We'll have to negotiate your fee sometimes"
"Mm"
Gloria rose on her toes for a kiss from the beautiful blonde man, but he turned her away with a smile. He whispered,
"Annie's awake"
She growled in mock frustration before pouting and stalking down the stairs to her apartment. Victor breathed "Good riddance" and closed the door. He hadn't even turned around when a small form clung to his legs. Annie bounced and squealed,
"Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!"
"My darling!"
Victor gathered her in his arms like he hadn't seen her for years. He hugged her for all he was worth. When he drew back to look at that round overjoyed face, his eyes were full of love.
"Did you miss me, Annie-bean?"
She vigorously nodded her head. Her father pointed to his cheek,
"May I have a kiss?"
She parroted the words he had taught her.
"Yes, you may!"
"Thank you, sweetheart", he kissed her too, and carried her on his arm into her room, "Now tell Daddy all about your day"
Every little trinket that decorated the floor, he picked up and put in its place, balancing her on his hip all the while. Annie told him about the drawings she made at kindergarten that day, of her friends, of her not-friends. Victor put her on the old high chair in the kitchen, still taking an avid interest in her patter. After removing his coat and rolling up his sleeves, he gave her half a pack of cheerios to munch on. Annie was still talking when he came out of the bathroom in his worn-out shirt and dull trousers.
"...then Susie said, she said..."
He nodded, giving her nearly all of his attention, and putting a pan on the stove. Out from the fridge came the vegetables he had been saving. He chopped them while she talked, fried them in the bacon grease from their breakfast that morning. The gruel she liked to call 'powidge' was ready too.
"And what did Mrs. Sherman say?", he put her plate of food before her.
He leaned with his forearms on the table and smiled. Behind him was the soup-can heating in the hot water of the pan. Annie spoke only when there was no food in her mouth, as per the strict table manners of the Daltons.
"Susie says she doesn't like me anymo'e. She says I talk like a baby"
Victor brought over his can of soup, stirring the lumps with a disfigured spoon.
"Susie doesn't sound very nice. What have I told you about being friends with people who aren't nice?"
Annie recalled, chewing on the slice of carrot in her mouth.
"Don't be fwiends with people who a'e not nice"
"When you go to school tomorrow, what will you tell Susie?"
"Shut yo mouth, white gi'l. I ain't talking to no hoes today"
Victor tried not to choke on his soup. He tried his best to hide his smile.
"Did Gloria tell you that?"
Annie nodded. He told her, wiping the tiny dribble of soup from the corner of his mouth,
"Those are bad words. Shouldn't you say something original instead of what Gloria tells you?"
"What's owiginal?"
"It means something that you came up with. Like your paper flute"
"Like Pipey?", she mentioned her beloved piece of craft.
"Like Pipey", Victor said.
"Okay"
"Good"
The dinner went on in silence for a while. Victor watched his daughter eyeing his can of tomato soup.
"Daddy?"
"Yes, darling?"
"When do I get to eat you' food?"
He swallowed the taste of metal and tomato, smiling,
"Never, I hope"
"Susie says I can't eat g'wonup food because I have no Mommy"
"That's not true"
"Whe'e is my Mommy?"
He shrugged,
"Somewhere out there"
Annie asked her weekly question,
"Did she leave because we we'e bad?"
"No, sweetheart. She just doesn't know you"
"Can't we see he'?"
"I am afraid not"
"Jamie's mommy is a sta'. He talks to he' at bedtime evewyday"
"Well, your Mommy's not a star. She is a person"
"Can you get me a new Mommy?"
He smiled,
"What for?"
She shrugged, licking her spoon clean,
"Just because"
If only she knew that 'just because' was directly inherited from her mother.
"Dickie pulled my hai' again"
"Did you tell Mrs. Sherman?"
"Uh-huh. She said he does it because mayybeee", she did an uncanny impression of her teacher, "...he likes me"
"There are better ways of showing you like someone. I am going to have a talk with Mrs. Sherman tomorrow. If Dickie pulls your hair again, you tell him to back off. If he doesn't, you slug him right in his mouth"
"That sounds mean"
"Oh Annie-bean"
Victor took their dirty dishes to the sink after giving her head a little pat. She had climbed down her high chair to be at his side.
"Do you want my help?"
He rinsed the dishes.
"That's very generous of you. But you are too small. And as long as Daddy's here...", he lifted her on to the kitchen top, "You'll never have to do the dishes"
"Okay"
He kissed the fuzzy top of her head again.
Come morning, Victor rolled off the couch. He glanced at the clock and scurried off to his daughter's room. Kneeling by her bed, he gently stirred her awake.
"Annie? Sweetheart, wakey-wakey. Time for school"
When he lifted her up, she dropped her head on his shoulder, still half-asleep. He put her on the can and rushed to make her lunch.
"Daddy?", she came out when she was done.
"You done? How was poopy?"
"Ew, Daddy", she giggled.
He carried her over his shoulder to her room and put her in the newest jeans and tee he had gotten her. Seemed to him that clothes shrunk on kids soon as they wore them.
"Come on, come on", he matched her little steps.
After pouring her cereal and milk into a bowl, Victor searched for her lunchbox. A knock on the door made him look up too fast, bumping his head against the table. Annie asked,
"A'e you okay, Daddy?"
"Yeah. Yeah, sweetie", he rubbed the sore spot, "You finish your crunchies. I'll see who our guest is"
It was - oh hell - Ranger. His old partner.
"Vic! You bastard!", he lifted him into a hug.
"My daughter's in here. Watch your mouth"
Ranger stepped past him, craning his neck towards the little one sitting at the table.
"Is that Annie?"
She waved at him, swinging her legs. Victor introduced them, smoothing the wrinkles in his work coat.
"Annie, this is Uncle Ranger"
"Hello", she said.
Ranger shook his head.
"She looks nothing like you!"
Annie's face fell at that. Uncle Ranger peered at her closely.
"No, wait. She's got your frowny face"
That made her giggle. Ranger shook her hand.
"What brings you here?", Victor asked, "And hurry up. I have to take her to school"
"I got a job for you", Ranger turned to him.
"Darling, get your bag"
When she went in, Victor shot him a glare. He poked his friend in the chest.
"When I said 'out', I meant out. You got no business coming here", he said, "I have a daughter now. I am done"
"You have a daughter now, you a big man, Vicky?", Ranger said, "You're selling fucking cars. I bet this nice little casa is just another perk of the job"
"Shut your mouth"
"Hey. We need you, Vic. This is...", he emphasized, "Big. Huge. We go four ways, equal shares. You'll get a big enough cut to get your kid outta this dump!"
"Keep your voice down"
"Everything's settled. We just need a ring-man"
"Range..."
"$45000! And ice!"
That stilled his movements. Victor tightened the lid on his daughter's lunch. She called to him from within,
"Daddy, I can't find my blue cwayon!"
"Look by the window!"
"Found it!"
Ranger waited.
"I am not coming back in. I can't go to jail. I have..."
"Annie. I know. Seriously though, Vicky, you think there was a cop born who could nab you? Fatherhood has changed you, son"
Victor rubbed his temples, contemplating things. A sweeping glance across his shack worked in Ranger's favor. When Annie came in and stood in the middle of that hole they called home, he had almost made up his mind.
"Weady, Daddy?", she asked.
"Yeah", he took her hand, "Come on"
Ranger and Annie stood outside the door. Victor locked it.
"Annie-bean, why don't you go say bye to Gloria? Uncle Ranger and I will catch up with you downstairs"
"Okay", she skipped down.
Victor sharply turned to his friend. He whispered,
"If I am doing this, I'm doing it my way. I don't care what the setup is. I run the whole thing. That's how I work. Anybody got a problem with that, they're free to walk"
Ranger was grinning wide.
"Whatever you say, boss"
They climbed down the stairs one after another.
He looked into her eyes, holding her shoulders. Little Annie gave him an expectant smile. Victor sighed,
"What have we got here today? Hm"
He put his fingers in her hair and produced an apple candy. Annie laughed.
"You put it the'e, Daddy!"
"You saw my hands, young lady. There was nothing in them"
"You did!", she took it, "I'll give it to Ollie. She bwoke he' tooth yeste'day"
"That's my baby. Does Daddy get a kiss?"
"Muah!"
He rose, kissing her forehead, and making sure she looked presentable. They might be poor but he would never let her be the laughing stock of her peers. Not anymore.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Sure"
"What's a lobste' dinne'?"
He faked a smile,
"The one Uncle Ranger told you about?"
"Yeah"
"Well, it's a nice meal. It's shellfish. Pretty tasty"
Annie nodded in understanding.
"You want a lobster dinner?"
She shook her head. Victor imitated her. That earned him a smile.
"Chin up. We're getting a lobster dinner tonight"
"We don't have to"
"Oh but we do"
"Why?"
"Just because"
Her grin revealed perfect little teeth. Annie hugged his legs and turned to go.
"I love you!", he called.
"I love you too, Daddy!", she ran into her classroom.
Victor stood there looking after her. Trains of thoughts passed through his mind.
"I love you so much, sweetheart", he mumbled.
Standing there, ruffling his golden curls, he turned on his heels. The tired slouch in his young shoulders disappeared. He took a deep breath. Soon there would be a nice suit on his body. God, he hated cheap ones. Soon he would get Annie those Dr. Seuss books that were all the rage. And the lobster dinner. And his wit willing, every single thing she ever wanted. His child wasn't going to live the kind of life he had. No, sir.
"You all right, Vic?"
Ranger stopped leaning against his car. Victor flashed him the charming smile that had led to many a men's ruin.
"I'm good", he said, "Who's the mark?"
She yelled, making him stagger back.
"I don't want you in my life! I hate you and your whole breed. You're pests. Parasites. Feeding yourself on other people, their hopes, their dreams"
Annie told him,
"You have ruined my life enough. You don't get a second chance"
She would have stormed away but Shirley held her arm.
"You can't talk to him like that"
Pulling the strong hand off herself, Annie seethed.
"Don't tell me what to do. You're not my mother"
"I am not", Shirley said, "But he is your father. Everything he did, he did it to give you a good life. And you're spitting in his mouth for being..."
Victor intervened,
"Shirley..."
"No, Victor. She deserves to know. Your dear Mama, Annie, was going to get rid of you. When you were six months old in her belly. She was going to stab you inside with a coat hanger"
He came to them,
"Shirley, stop it!"
"...he paid her all his money so she would birth you! He gave up all he had to raise his ungrateful little bastard child! And THIS is justice indeed!"
He pulled Shirley towards him, keeping a hand over her mouth. She shrugged him off.
"You don't talk to her like that", he said, "Apologize"
"Like hell I will", Shirley made her exit.
Annie waited by the bush, watching him.
"Is it true?"
He wouldn't say.
"You always told me I'm the only person you have never lied to. Show me if you will"
Victor couldn't.
"IS IT TRUE?!"
"Yes"
He said,
"It was me, my selfish desire to have something precious that was all mine - not stolen or borrowed. Something no one could make me give up. I was wrong. But I loved you before you were born, Annie. You deserved a better world than the one I brought you in. This is on me"
Her tear-stained face was the last he saw of her for a few years.
Annie smiled like she couldn't believe it.
"I love him"
Victor nodded.
"Dad, I love him"
He held up two fingers,
"You told me. Twice"
"You don't get it. I am in love! I love Rafael!"
A Dalton falling in love with an arm of the law - it was disaster from the first step. Annie seemed to realize it too. She grabbed her own head, calling upon god.
"He's going to know about you. And then he's going to put you in jail. And he's going to hate me"
"Calm down now..."
"He is going to hate me!"
"Whoa, whoa"
Victor held her in place to stop the frantic pacing. His daughter looked absolutely insane. Her nails gripped into his forearms through two layers of clothing.
"I. Love. Him", Annie stared aghast, "What am I going to do?"
"How about you tell him first?"
"Then he'll know"
"Uh... that's the point, sweetheart"
"But when he hears about you..."
He assured her,
"He is not going to hear about me. Don't you believe in Shirley? She has it all figured out"
"I am deceiving him!"
He followed her through the house, trying to keep up.
"Deceiving's a strong word"
"I can't do this", Annie shook her head, "I can't. I can't tell him the truth. So I have to break it off. I have to... oh"
"Hey, hey"
They sat on the floor, Victor stifling a groan as he sank. He sighed and put his arm around her shoulder.
"You are crazy about him, although I can't see why..."
"Shut up"
"You have to stop overthinking, Annie. It's a simple question - do you love him? Yes. That naturally means you want to be with him. So be with him. Don't let that imaginative brain of yours run a relay"
"Dad, I will have to lie to him. It is a big deal for me. I have never lied to him. I have avoided discussing you for months. But I can't..."
Victor rolled his eyes.
"Can't, never, not, no - you sound like my father. Now stop talking and listen to me for a minute"
After he had sent her back to New York, pacified and hopeful, Victor took a morning walk. He stooped once to pat a drooling dog. Maybe the last canine he would ever see.
"VICTOR! STOP RIGHT THERE, YOU ASSHOLE!"
Damn Shirley. She was out of the car and running along the beach towards him. Her tall swinging form reminded him of their younger days. Victor felt like she would run right into his arms. Instead, she punched him in the face. He rolled on the ground, clutching his jaw and groaning.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!", she yelled.
He got to his feet with much effort. The blood on his jaw was hotter than the sun above. He said,
"I always dreamed of taking a last walk into the ocean. This is not the ocean but it will have to do"
"You stupid, fucking..."
"Thank you for everything, Shirley"
He turned to the waters again. A minute passed before Shirley called to him.
"What about Annie?! You want me to tell her Daddy dearest killed himself?!"
He turned back and screamed.
"I am doing this for Annie!"
"You're a coward! A no-good son of a bitch!"
Brimming with tears, his eyes fixed on hers. Victor came to her and held her with a force he had never exerted on a woman before.
"If I am gone, Shirley, she is free. You know her. She is in love with that guy and it hurts her to have to lie to him. She is hurting because of me. I can't have that. You know I can't. Everything will be better this way, trust me. She will get all my money, get married, live happily ever after. That is all I want"
He moved away again. Shirley called,
"What about me?"
"You'll get another assignment, move on", he said over his shoulder.
He turned to the water again. Shirley caught up with him and pulled him back. Her eyes weren't dry either.
"How am I supposed to move on? From you!"
Final moment sentiments. Victor reasoned she was just trying to make him feel better.
"Shirley..."
"No", she pointed her finger at him, "You're married to me, you white bastard. I don't care if that's just a ruse. You are not making me a widow. Now you come back home and help me figure out our next step. You hear me?"
That woman was destined to be his salvation. Smiling, overjoyed, internally screaming 'At last!', Victor tried to touch her. She slapped his hand away, pouting and frowning.
"I need to hear you say it"
"What?"
"That you love me"
Shirley shook her head,
"I will knock you out and carry you home if I have to"
"That's up to you"
"Vict... son of a..."
He moved towards the water again. It reached his shins. His knees. There goes the Armani. His hips. His waist.
'Anytime now, Shirley', he prayed.
Shutting his eyes tight, he waded chest-deep into the blue. Shirley screamed his name when his head sank.
"Victor, stop it! I LOVE YOU!"
Up came his head again. He was smiling at her horror-struck expression. He swam to the edge like a fish.
"Nice swim", he said.
Shirley called him names and turned her back to him again. He caught up with her soon. Pressing himself into her side, holding her hand, he whispered,
"I love you too, Shirley"
"I wish I'd let you drown"
"Let's discuss our new sleeping arrangements"
She looked up to the sky, smiling and sighing. As he murmured sweet-nothings in her ear, her fist unfurled. She let him glide his fingers along her wrist into her palm. They intertwined. Victor couldn't stop talking.
"...have to be careful now because the last time you kissed me, I had an orgasm"
"Shut up", she grinned.
"...big cuddler, but you know that already. And we should probably tell Annie. She has been shipping us for years"
"Shipping?"
"It's this internet term. Like two..."
They walked off the grass and on to the street.