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“You don’t have to be everyone’s hero all the time.” Max said frustrated. He was tired of having this same conversation over and over. “You can let others handle stuff, not everything is your responsibility. They can figure out a way to manage without you.”
“But if I can help I should, it’s the right thing to do.” Luis argued.
“Not if you’re hurting yourself in the process.”
“I’m not hurting myself. I’m perfectly fine.” Luis crossed his arms. Max just scoffed.
“Don’t lie to me, I know you too well. You’re tired all the time. You can’t focus. You keep skipping meals. Luis you’re not fine.” Max noticed how Luis flinched at the words and tried to take a deep breath to calm down. He took a moment to collect his thoughts before crossing the dorm room to Luis. He gently put a hand on his arm. He was grateful when Luis didn’t pull away from the contact. Max wasn’t trying to start another fight, he was concerned for his boyfriend.
“I’m just asking you to take a break from helping others for a week.” Max said in a softer tone, “You need to focus on yourself. If you keep taking on everyone else’s problems along with your own you’ll burn yourself out.” Luis searched his eyes for a second before looking away.
“It’s not that easy.” Max pushed down his frustration at the words, why couldn’t Luis see he was trying to help him.
“Why isn’t it easy?” Max asked in an even tone. Luis shrugged.
“People depend on me, I can’t let them down.”
“I’m sure everyone will respect you taking a break and figure it out themselves.” Max tried to keep calm.
“Max I don’t need a break. I’m perfectly fine. I don’t know where you got this idea from.” Luis said shrugging his hand off and stepping away. Max was stunned for a second before it was replaced by frustration, cracking the calm demeanor he had tried to put on.
“Really, are you fine Luis, or are you just lying to me and yourself because you don’t want to admit you have a weakness.” The words were harsh but they needed to be said. Unfortunately Luis didn’t seem in the mood to listen.
“Why can’t you just drop it Max. The only person who has an issue with it is you.” Luis was angry now too.
“I’m not the only one who notices you’re overworking yourself, I’m just the only one who says anything because I know you, and I know how you like to deny when you’re struggling.”
“I’m not struggling. I’m perfectly fine, so just drop it.”
“Is it really that hard for you to take a break from being a hero. I mean you’ve been doing it your whole life. I’m sure people won’t change their opinion on you just because you take a day off.”
“Maybe you wouldn’t understand how I feel because you’ve never had people depend on you to help them.” Luis snapped.
Max just stared at him shocked as the words hung between them. Sure Max wasn’t the most upstanding person, but to have Luis say that out loud was like a punch to the gut. Luis had always been the person to try and see the good in him, the person who would stand up to others who tried to insult Max. He would comfort Max when he feared he would turn into his father, holding him close and telling him all the good things Luis saw in him. So to have those same cruel words everyone else thought come out of Luis’s mouth, felt like a dagger in the back.
Luis seemed to realize what he had said, all the anger draining from his face. He seemed just as shocked at the words and opened his mouth to speak, but Max didn’t want to hear any more. As quickly as possible Max turned around and headed for the door.
“Max wait.”
“No it’s fine Madrigal. I mean you’re just saying what everyone thinks right. I’m just the kid of some villain, who needs me.” Max grabbed ahold of the door.
“Max you know I don’t think that.” Luis tried to stammer out but Max ignored him.
“Why don’t you find some damsel to save. Why bother to help me, I’m not good enough to deserve your time.” With that Max stepped into the hallway and shut the door behind him. He walked away quickly before anyone could see the tears in his eyes.
Max was barely awake walking into class the next day. He hadn’t slept last night. No matter what he tried, he couldn’t stop replaying the words Luis had thrown at him, and no matter how many times he went over the words in his head they didn’t hurt any less.
Was he really this pathetic? Had it been anyone else who said it he could have brushed it off or had Hazel send the Smees after them, but this was different. Luis wasn’t just some stranger making assumptions about him based on his father. Luis knew him. He had opened up to Luis about his life with his father. Luis had comforted him whenever the whispers from other students got too loud. Luis had always seen the good in him even when Max couldn’t see it himself.
All of that just for him to make the same cruel comments as everyone else.
“Move.” Max snapped at the Smees. They both scrambled to get out of his way. He flopped down into the single chair both of them had been trying to fit on, and put his head down on the table.
“What’s up with you?” Hazel said from beside him. Max didn’t respond, he just kept his head down trying to fall asleep. When Hazel didn’t get a response she turned to Felix sitting in front of them.
“Do you know anything about this?” Hazel asked gesturing to Max. Felix just turned around and shrugged.
“He didn’t tell me anything, but he’s been in a bad mood ever since he got back from Luis’s dorm last night.”
“Is this about him?” Hazel asked turning back to Max, “Did he do something to you, because if he did I can handle it.” There was a dangerous tone in her voice, Max knew she wasn’t joking. He considered telling her what happened but something held him back. He knew if he told her what Luis said she wouldn’t hesitate to get revenge, but he wasn’t sure if that would actually make him feel any better. Despite what he had said, Max still cared about Luis and Hazel going after him wasn’t going to fix anything.
“He didn’t do anything.” Max finally said.
“Really, then why are you suddenly sitting with us and not him?” Hazel asked, clearly not believing Max. Max finally sat back up with a sigh.
“We got in a small fight ok, it was nothing.”
“It doesn’t seem like nothing. You’re falling asleep sitting up and he’s not even here.” Once her words registered Max instinctively looked over to where Luis usually sat. Sure enough the seat was empty. Max didn’t know how he hadn’t realized, he must really be out of it.
“I’ve never seen that man skip class before, and you’re telling me nothing’s wrong. You just got into a small fight.” Hazel asked skeptically putting quotes around the words small. Max had to admit he was concerned too. Luis was way too much of an HK to skip class. He was always punctual and payed attention even when he didn’t understand the material. Max didn’t want to say anything but he was worried about Luis’s absence.
“Maybe he’s just sick.” Max said trying to sound more convinced than he was.
“Right sure.” Hazel clearly wasn’t buying it, but she let the topic drop. Max kept looking over to Luis’s seat, but it remained empty the whole class.
Max tried not to let his worry show as the day went on and there was still no sign of Luis. Others started to notice too and ask Max if something was wrong, but Max didn’t have a good answer. Was something wrong, yeah, they had a fight and he had stormed out. But they had fought before and it never stopped Luis from showing up to class. He wanted to believe that Luis’s absence was unrelated and that he had just decided to drop the golden boy act and have some fun, but Max knew that was just a lie he told himself to try and push down his concern.
He started telling anyone who asked that Luis was sick so they would stop bothering him. Most bought it easily, some even mentioning how Luis had seemed more tired recently and it was good he was resting. So Max was right, he wasn’t the only one who noticed.
Max tried texting Luis but none of his messages were read. Nobody else seemed to be able to contact him either. Hazel had the Smees try to track him down but they couldn’t find him on campus. Max managed to corner Robbie in the hallway between classes to ask about Luis, but he just shrugged saying that Luis had been in bed when he got home last night and had still been there when he left in the morning.
Max was a swirling mess of emotions. He was still hurt by what Luis had said, but he also loved him and couldn’t help the rising worry over where he was. That combined with the lack of sleep left Max distracted and restless. He couldn’t pay attention and was snappy with anyone who tried to talk to him. Felix tried to cheer him up by scaring some HKs with a card trick but eventually gave up when it was clear Max’s mood wasn’t going to improve.
By lunch Max decided he’d had enough. If Luis was refusing to talk to anyone Max would just have to track him down himself. The Smees had searched all the classrooms and the Tourney field meaning he couldn’t be there. Max decided the most logical plan was to start with his dorm room. So instead of heading to the dining hall after class, Max turned down the hallway to Luis’s dorm. When he got there he knocked loudly but there was no answer. He tried calling out but there was still silence. Worried and not convinced that Luis wasn’t just giving him the silent treatment Max decided to try the window.
He headed back outside and walked around the building until he got to Luis window. Peeking in, the room was completely dark and Max couldn’t make out any shapes clearly. Sighing, Max pulled up on the window. Luckily Luis usually left the window unlocked for when Max would sneak in after curfew and today was no different. Max fully opened the window before hoisting himself into the room.
When Max finally stood in the dorm he was able to take a look around. The room was mostly how he left it yesterday with the exception of the pile of blankets on Luis’s bed. Max shut the window before calling out.
“Luis is that you?” Max didn’t see any movement from the pile so he walked over and put his hand down.
“What are you doing here?” The voice was muffled by the blankets but was unmistakably Luis. Max felt a wave of relief knowing Luis was ok, quickly followed by a wave of annoyance at him for worrying everyone.
“I’m looking for you.” Max tried to keep his voice neutral.
“Why?” Was the only response. Max pushed down the snappy remark that popped into his head. The last thing they needed right now was another fight.
“Because you didn’t show up to class. No one knew where you were.” Luis didn’t respond so Max sat down on the bed next to him, waiting for him to say anything.
“Why are you here?” Luis asked after a minute of silence.
“I just told you everyone’s looking for you.” Max repeated. Luis finally unburied himself from the blankets to turn to look at Max. There were tear tracks down his face and bags under his eyes, his hair was messy and he was still wearing the same clothes as yesterday.
“No I mean why would you want to come? Why wouldn’t you send someone else? I thought you would never want to speak to me again.” Luis said in a small voice. Max finally understood. So this was about their fight and what Luis had said yesterday.
Max took a second to think over Luis’s words. Why had he come? Max had been hurt by Luis what said. He had been angry and sad and if you had asked him yesterday he would have refused to speak to Luis. But all that had been overshadowed when Luis hadn’t shown up this morning. The worry that something was seriously wrong far outweighed any anger of hurt he felt. He loved and cared about Luis, and he would always go looking for him no matter what he was feeling.
“You’re still my boyfriend. I want to make sure you’re ok.” Max said simply. It wasn’t the full explanation but Max didn’t have the words for what he was feeling right now. It didn’t seem to matter though because as soon as he was done speaking Luis broke down crying. Max pulled him into his arms. Luis wrapped around him tightly burying his face into his neck.
“Max I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it. I was so frustrated and I spoke without thinking and I hurt you. I’m so stupid. I should never have said that. I bet you hate me. I would hate me. What I said, it’s not true. You’re so nice and kind and all your friends love you and I can’t keep my stupid mouth shut. You should break up with me and go find someone better.”
“Hey calm down. It’s ok.” Max tried to comfort him. Luis pulled back to look him in the eyes.
“It’s not ok. I hurt you.” Luis said heartbroken with tears running down his face. Max tried to reach up to wipe the tears off but Luis pulled away before he could.
“I don’t deserve your comfort.” Luis said as he move further away. “You should just go back to your friends who don’t say stupid shit without thinking.”
“Luis stop.” Max said firmly and he grabbed Luis’s shoulders to keep him from leaving. Luis could break his hold if he wanted to, but Max knew he wouldn’t use his strength on him.
“What you said hurt, but you realize that it was wrong. That’s what matters.” Max cupped Luis’s jaw to force him to look at him, “We were both frustrated and said things we shouldn’t have. You apologized and I forgive you. That’s what you need to focus on.” Max made sure Luis was listening before he continued.
“Everyone was concerned when you didn’t show up this morning. People kept asking about you. Hazel even sent the Smees all over campus looking for you. I couldn’t even focus on our fight because I was too worried about you. So now that I’m here I’m not leaving, and I’m not breaking up with you over one stupid comment.” Max finished. There was a moment of silence while Luis searched his face.
“Really?” he finally whispered.
“Yes I’m not losing you that easy.” Max stated firmly. He wasn’t about to lose the best thing in his life over one stupid comment during a fight.
Luis started crying again and Max pulled him back into his embrace. Luis didn’t put up any fight, instead he wrapped his arms tightly around Max and buried his face back into his neck. Any lingering pain at his words washed away as Luis cried into Max’s shoulder. Max realized this was the first time he had ever seen Luis cry. Luis was usually the one being strong and comforting when Max was having a difficult time. He couldn’t help but feel a little pride that Luis was willing to be this vulnerable with him. Before they started dating Max could never have imagined him, a son of a villain, comforting Auradon’s golden boy. But now there was nowhere else he could imagine himself except holding the boy in his arms.
“I love you.” Max said quietly into Luis’s hair. He didn’t say it often, he had never been one for expressing love through words. He usually preferred showing affection through his actions and gifts, but sometimes he felt that Luis needed to hear it out loud, and this was one of those times.
Luis took a shaky inhale before replying.
“I love you too,” he paused before continuing, “I’m so sorry.”
Max pulled back so their eyes could meet. He gently wiped the tear tracks off Luis’s face.
“I already forgave you. You don’t need to apologize.” Max said gently.
“I just feel like I should.” Luis admitted quietly. Max hummed in response thinking about his next words carefully.
“Do you feel that way because you need me to forgive you or because you can’t forgive yourself?” The words rested between them. Max waited for Luis to respond, he needed to know the answer.
“I shouldn’t forgive myself, I hurt you.” Luis said quietly after a minute.
“You made a mistake. We all do.“
“But I shouldn’t be making mistakes. I can’t let others down.” Luis said clearly angry with himself.
“Luis please just listen to me.” Max waited until Luis gave a small nod before continuing.
“Luis you always care about others, and don’t get me wrong it’s not always bad. You help others when they need it, you stick up for people who can’t stick up for themselves. It’s one of the reasons I fell in love with you.” Max took a deep breath.
“But sometimes you care about others so much you start hurting yourself. You’ll sacrifice your own well being just to please others. You give up time to eat and rest, and when you feel like you failed someone you punish yourself for it. You hold such high standards for yourself and when you can’t meet them you shut everyone out and deny yourself any love or comfort. I hate seeing you do that Luis. I love you too much to see you hurting yourself.” Max’s voice cracked at the end but the words needed to be said. He had been thinking them for a while but it was a weight off his chest to finally say them out loud. He let the silence stretch between them as he waited for Luis to respond.
“I don’t know how to stop,” Luis admitted quietly, looking away.
“Then I’ll help you.” Max was fully prepared to do whatever it took to help Luis through this.
“I don’t know how you can help. This is how I’ve always been.” Luis looked at him. He looked lost, like he was seeking out any guidance. Max couldn’t help but feel protective. How dare the world make this man push himself to his breaking point just to feel good about himself.
“Take a break,” Max said and before Luis could say anything he continued “And if you can’t do it for yourself, do it for me. I need to see you rest, please.” Luis clearly wanted to argue. He wanted to say he was fine, that he didn’t need a break, but something in Max’s expression must have changed his mind. Finally he just nodded and Max couldn’t help the flood of relief that went through him.
“I can’t promise I won’t fight you on it though.” Luis said with a small smile.
“I sure I can handle you.” Max said returning the smile. They just stared and each for a moment before Luis spoke again.
“Thank you, for everything. For looking for me, for caring about me when I made it difficult, for forgiving me.” Luis sounded choked up on the words. Max leaned in and gently kissed him. They only kissed for a moment but Max could feel all the love they held for each other through the small action.
When they pulled back Luis gently reached up and held his cheek.
“Did you sleep last night?” Luis asked. Max shook his head.
“You should sleep you don’t get enough of it.” Max couldn’t help the smile that came over him. Of course after all of that Luis would still be concerned about his well being.
“I’ll get some sleep, but only if you do to.” Max said. He also wasn’t going to ignore the clear bags under Luis’s eyes.
“I have afternoon classes to go to and I have to tell everyone I’m fine.” Luis argued but Max just shook his head.
“You clearly didn’t sleep any more than I did. I’m not letting you leave.” Luis pouted but Max continued on, “I’ll text everyone that you’re ok and just taking a day off. As for your classes one absence won’t destroy your reputation, I promise, and don’t argue with me you need to rest.” Luis continued pouting at him but Max didn’t budge. Finally Luis let out a sigh.
“Fine, but you have to let me snuggle you.” Max rolled his eyes at the childish act but agreed.
Max sent the text to their friends while Luis changed into some comfy clothing. When he laid back down he reached up to Max pulling him down onto his chest. Luis wrapped his arms tightly around him. Max relaxed against Luis as the exhaustion of the last two days came over him. He was finally able to rest listening to Luis’s steady breathing under him.