Chapter Text
When Yuuri wakes, he expects to feel horrible, to have his eyes clammy from the tears and his muscles singing in pain from the falls he took in his free skate.
It doesn't happen.
Sure, he feels tired, anxiety is just bubbling under his skin, and the memory of Mari's call about Vicchan still makes his stomach twists and knots horribly, but, everything else is just… gone.
The red and blue bruises he had on his hips are gone, and his skin is smooth. Even the injuries on his feet are gone – and they had been nasty, leaving Yuuri's feet (almost) oozing with blood. It's almost like he never did his free skate.
And while he's happy to have woken up pajamas-clad in his hotel room, he doesn't remember managing the trip to his room, and he remembers even less having enough lucidity to change into his pajamas… though maybe it's simply because he doesn't remember much of last night.
(How much did he have to drink again…?)
Curiously enough, he doesn't even have a migraine from all that alcohol.
Yuuri stares at his bruise-less body for a few seconds, and then shrugs, slipping into the shower, and turning on the warm water.
After a warm, good shower, Yuuri dresses up into his normal attire. The clock indicates 5 o'clock, which is a lot earlier than Yuuri would have liked, but he doesn't think that he can go back to sleep right now.
Yuuri picks up his phone, wondering if anyone called him while he was asleep – he doesn't remember if Ciao Ciao managed to go to his own hotel room, and considering Ciao Ciao looked more wasted than Yuuri felt… – but he freezes at the date that appears on the screen.
2015 December 5th
05:03
Yuuri's grip on his phone slackens in surprise, and the phone clatters on the ground. Yuuri doesn't move to pick it up.
After a while, he manages to get his breathing to calm down again, and kneels in front of his phone. He's almost afraid to pick it up, because his hands are shaking a little.
Knowing that it's about 11 o'clock in Hasetsu, and that his whole family should be awake, Yuuri sends his sister a message.
05:12
Hey Big Sis, sorry to bother you, but could you tell me what day it is?
05:13
?
Sure. 5th of December. Why
do you ask?
05:14
Nothing.
Don't worry about it. Thanks.
05:14
?
You're welcome.
Yuuri exhales, loudly.
He presses a hand against his chest, and takes a deep breath.
05:16
Big sis, there's something
I wanted to ask you.
He doesn't know if it was all just a dream, or if he really went back in time, but he doesn't want to take any chance.
05:17
Could you watch over Vicchan?
Yuuri goes out of his hotel room, feeling as if he's about to fight with the entire world.
He barely remembers what he's supposed to do today, what he did last time 'today' came. He thinks he might have spent the whole day with Ciao Ciao, going over his programs and trying to calm down his anxiety.
But… he doesn't think he can do it again.
He still feels keenly Vicchan's death, and the humiliation of utterly failing both his short and free skate makes him antsy to get back to the ice, even more if he does it while on skates. Just thinking of it makes his skin crawl.
So, no, he doesn't think he can bear Ciao Ciao's worrying over his performance – he knows that Ciao Ciao only wants his best, but sometimes, it just becomes too much.
Instead of sending Ciao Ciao a message or of waiting for him in the hotel, Yuuri decides to slip out, and go wherever he feels like.
In the hotel hall, there are very few people. Yuuri thinks he recognizes one competitor, but he's not sure, because their back is turned to Yuuri. It might be the Italian guy, Michele Crispino, because he's talking to a black-haired, tan-skinned lady who looks like Crispino's sister, Sara.
It would be a bit strange to see them here. Most competitors only come for the days of the competition, and not five days before it begins. But he guesses that, like him, they would need to get used to the ice rink. Or maybe they'd be here to visit Sochi, who knows.
Yuuri stares at them for a moment, before shrugging it off, and walking out.
The streets outside are covered in snow, and when Yuuri breathes out, it creates white puffs of air. People are wrapped up in layers of thick clothes, the tips of their noses and ears red from the cold. The cars are driving more slowly, and their glasses are frosted over. Certain parts of the ground are covered in ice, and some children are playing around with it.
Yuuri is barely feeling the cold. He feels like crying.
He doesn't remember that sight. He doesn't remember that Sochi had been covered in snow. In his memory, it had been a warm day, because Yuuri had sweated and sweated, his hands clammy and his glasses slipping off his nose. He doesn't remember the snow.
Yuuri closes his eyes, for a second or two.
When he opens them again, he hears a door opening and closing behind him.
“Oh, hey,” Sara Crispino greets him, offering him a kind smile. Yuuri doesn't think they have ever talked to each other before.
Her brother just frowns at Yuuri, and mumbles a quiet, "Hello."
“H-hello,” he eventually manages to stutter out, blinking. He feels a bit dazed, as if just waking up from a dream.
Sara gives him a long look. Her smile softens. “What were you doing?”
Yuuri guesses he must have stood there for a long time, if the Crispino siblings came to investigate. “Just… appreciating the view,” he says, sincerely. He turns back to look at the snow-covered streets.
“Oh,” Sara says. “Does it not snow often in Japan?”
Yuuri shakes his head slowly. “It does,” he says. “Ah, but I haven't been home in five years anyway,” he admits quietly, quirking up a small, humorless smile.
There's no answer, so Yuuri turns to look at the siblings. While Michele is still scowling at him, Sara is giving him an indescribable look, like she's trying to decide what to do with him.
Eventually, she sighs. “Well, I don't know if the weather is completely different from where you come from, but I think you should change your clothes.” She gives Yuuri's thin jacket a dubious look. “You'll catch a cold if you don't.”
Michele looks like he's barely restraining himself from running out of here with his sister.
Yuuri looks down at his jacket. “Ah.” He blinks at Sara, and gives her a small smile. “Thanks, will do,” even though he has absolutely no intention to change any time soon.
Sara doesn't look convinced, but with a small hum and a smile, she lets it go. “See you, Yuuri,” she throws over her shoulder, walking away.
Her brother doesn't hesitate to throw Yuuri a glare as he follows her, even though he hasn't said anything at all.
Yuuri watches them go, and then turns back to the scenery.
He wonders if he should just go visit Sochi.
Yuuri decides to go to a nearby park.
It's mostly empty, and the few people who are there are either runners or passersby. Some of them glance at Yuuri, but most ignore him. There's a brave street seller in the middle of the park. He sells all kinds of food that Yuuri doesn't recognize. Yuuri buys him a pirozhki with money he didn't know he had.
After wiping off the snow on a nearby bench, Yuuri sits down.
He manages to gulp down the pirozhki, even though he feels like throwing up. It has a good taste; it's filled with meat – beef, he guesses –, mushrooms, rice and onions. It sort of reminds him of katsudon – though katsudon is a lot better, of course... or at least, it is in his memories.
The pirozhki warms his fingers.
His phone indicates 05:49. He wonders if he should go to practice now. He still doesn't know whether he's supposed to get there at 6 o'clock or 7 o'clock. He thinks it might be 7 o'clock.
Nevertheless, he sends a message about it to Ciao Ciao.
Ciao Ciao doesn't answer until 06:12, with a short: “7 am.”
Yuuri puts on an alarm for 06:30, and goes back to watching the passersby.
At 7 o'clock, he goes to the ice rink.
Ciao Ciao is already there, waiting for him. He looks anxious.
“Yuuri!” he greets loudly, when Yuuri enters the ice rink's hall. “Where were you? You weren't in your room.”
Yuuri shakes his head, and some snow falls off his shoulders. “No, I wasn't,” he simply agrees. “I went to a park,” he admits. “I brought pirozhki… pirozhki's…? It was good. Maybe next time I can bring you some.”
Ciao Ciao looks deeply disturbed by the fact Yuuri ate pirozhki. “Yuuri,” he begins, his voice lowering. “Are you alright?”
Yuuri pauses.
No , he wants to say, no. The eight past days have been erased from existence, my dog might die in four days, and I will embarrass my family on at least fifty generations in five days. No, I'm not alright.
But saying all that would make him break, because he doesn't want to actually acknowledge what happened. He thought about it long and hard while in the park, and he knows, he knows, that it wasn't just a dream. He knows that all of it actually happened, he knows it, but… he doesn't want to say it.
And, to be honest, he can guess what Ciao Ciao's reaction to his admission would be. Surely, he would think Yuuri had gone insane, and would immediately remove him from the competition. Yuuri doesn't know which is worse: placing last, or being removed before it even begins.
So instead of telling the truth, he says: “Yeah,” and when Ciao Ciao doesn't look convinced, he adds, “just the usual." And he doesn't even feel guilty for lying.
Realization dawns upon Ciao Ciao's face. He kindly pats him on the back, giving him a look that might be aiming to be reassuring but just makes Yuuri more anxious. “Don't force yourself,” he says.
Yuuri nods, but he's not really listening.
Putting on his skates is harder than planned, because the sick feeling in Yuuri's stomach intensifies each time he looks at the skates.
Nevertheless, Yuuri persists, and he manages to reach the ice rink without throwing up.
Ciao Ciao gives him his headphones.
When Yuuri slips them on and the music begins to play, the illness he feels fades, even if only a little.
He manages most of his jumps. And even when he does fail them, he manages to get up immediately after. His steps and spins might actually be better than usual, and by the time he reaches the end of his program, he's not utterly exhausted.
When he glides off the ice, Ciao Ciao gives him a long look. Yuuri ignores it for a moment, preferring to concentrate on putting the skate guards on.
“Yuuri,” Ciao Ciao eventually says. “Are you sure you're alright?”
Yuuri exhales softly. He's feeling better, now that he was able to skate it off. And he's still feeling dazed, like he's out of his body, like he's just a spectator to what's happening.
“I'm fine,” he says. “It's just that Vicchan might die soon,” he admits. It's not a lie – at least, for him.
“Oh, Yuuri, I'm sorry.” Ciao Ciao pauses, clearly uncomfortable, but then offers Yuuri a hug.
Yuuri barely has a second to think, before he jumps into his coach's arms.
It's uncomfortable at best – Ciao Ciao is clearly not used to doing this, and Yuuri can't find in himself the force to move even just a little – but the empty feeling in Yuuri's chest fades, a little, so it's all for good.
Yuuri eventually manages to unglue himself from his coach. “Thanks,” he says, his voice hoarse. His eyes are filled with tears. He wipes them off quickly.
Ciao Ciao smiles, and claps Yuuri on the shoulder. “I think you should take a break,” he coaxes gently. “Do you want to visit Sochi?”
Yuuri blinks, and nods. “Ye—,” his voice catches again, “yes.”
Sochi is a big city, a big touristic city.
There are a lot of things to visit. They take the afternoon off for it.
(Even though Yuuri smiles and laughs, he still feels dazed.
If he was able to, would he want to wake from this dream?)
At the end of the day, Yuuri finds himself alone in his hotel room.
He's exhausted, and stumbles into his bed the moment he sees it. The sheets are nice and cold against his skin, and it wakes him.
He slips his glasses off, and takes out his phone.
Almost instinctively, he looks up Katsuki Yuuri, awaiting the same results from yesterday, those that talked about how he had placed last, and speculated he was quitting ice skating.
It doesn't happen.
Instead, Yuuri finds multiple articles saying that he's Japan's Ace, and that he's going to make Japan proud. Some say: Yuuri Katsuki, the future of Japanese Ice Skating, and others simply say: The new Japanese Ice Skater, Yuuri Katsuki, but almost all of them end with: 'will Yuuri Katsuki, Japan's Ace, win gold at the GPF, and possibly dethrone Viktor Nikiforov's record?'
The sickness that had disappeared when Yuuri had gone skating comes back with a vengeance.
Yuuri is forced to stumble in the bathroom to retch.
He doesn't think he's going to make them proud. He doesn't think he can do it; there's no way he could ever do this.
He had already failed once, after all.
(He can still remember the feeling of the ice on his cheeks, when he fell down. The burning in his chest, when he heard the music continue, and felt his inability to get up. Ciao Ciao and Morooka told him that it was too early to give up…
…but Yuuri's not sure he wants to continue.)