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It was one of the nights when Natalie was feeling shut down from the entire world. She sat in her cramped room, listening to Nirvana tape quietly while talking small hits on the last cigarette in the packet.
But a loud bang interrupted the night. Natalie flinched. She thought it might've been Kevin or some other friend, so she rushed downstairs, silently praying that her mother wouldn't hear. Even though Natalie's dad died and finally let her feel free of his constant abuse, it wasn't so easy with her mother either.
Natalie opened the door with strength and had just a few seconds to catch a person in her arms.
"Nat," Jackie said incoherently, clinging to her shirt.
"Jackie, what the hell!?" Natalie yelled in whisper. It wasn't much help though because Jackie was already speaking as loud as she could.
Jackie looked pretty and all dressed up but clearly drunk. Her face looked tired as she looked up with her sparkling eyes.
Natalie debated what to do in following seconds. Never in a million years would she expect Jackie to come to her house. She hadn't even been there before because they never got along to even hangout.
Natalie strengthened her grip and pulled Jackie up the stairs to her room while she tripped over her words and feet. There wasn't much space, but Jackie bumped on Natalie's bed, making herself comfortable. Her hands immediately reached to the alcohol bottle on Natalie's drawer.
"Jackie!" Natalie snatched it back.
Instead she took a chug from the bottle because it seemed like it would be a long night.
Natalie settled down in front of Jackie without saying anything, but she looked at Jackie intensely, expecting an explanation.
It wasn't awkward, but the silence was heavily hanging in the room before Jackie started to quietly sob.
Natalie's eyes widen. She had no idea what to do and she was definitely not the person who knew how to comfort others, but her heart still ached at hearing the muffled crying.
Natalie moved closer and placed her hands on Jackie's bare shoulders. It was definitely to chilly at night for the dress Jackie was wearing.
"Hey… What's wrong?" Natalie said awkwardly.
It felt like she was trying to calm down a baby because Jackie couldn't form a proper sentence.
"Jeff- he-" Jackie buried her head into her hands.
So it was about that asshole Jeff. Natalie never understood why Jackie was with him, neither did she think he deserved her. But Jackie was just another popular, pretty girl with a brainless boyfriend by her side. People like that were different from Natalie. it wasn't her business until now.
Natalie only heard from other people about their relationship from other people. Perfect -was how everyone described it. Well it seemed like it all went to shit.
Jackie pressed herself closer to Natalie, wrapping her arms around Natalie's neck tightly. Her soft hair tickled Natalie's skin as Jackie placed her head on the other shoulder.
She was breathing in shallow breaths that Natalie felt perfectly. They made her shiver. It was so weird, having Jackie this close. The girl who she had the tightest relationship with on their team.
"He broke up with me… And it's all my fault," Jackie cried out.
Natalie wanted to shush her, to tell her to stop yelling or her mom would beat their asses. But Jackie looked like she needed to let it all out or she would break. Well technically, she broke her whole leader, perfect girl persona which Natalie respected but also hated.
"Jackie, what happened?" Natalie asked softly.
She took the nearest blanket to cover her shoulders. It was a cheap fabric, but it was better than nothing since Natalie could literally see the goosebumps on Jackie's soft skin.
Jackie relaxed her grip and pulled away a little. She stared at Natalie intensely with her teary eyes.
"He asked me if I loved him," Jackie whispered.
She went quiet after that like she was considering her words. A single tear rolled down her face and Natalie had an urge to whip it with her thumb.
"And?" Natalie asked but without any pressure, raising an eyebrow in confusion.
She passed a glass of water to Jackie who cleared her throat, holding it with shaky hands.
"I couldn't lie," Jackie said as quietly as she could, pressing her lips together, "I couldn't make myself say it… a-and he kicked me out."
Oh. So that what it was. Natalie let out a nervous laugh.
"Well I don't blame you. That asshole is just another high school boyfriend for you." Natalie narrowed her eyes judgmentally, "you princess, can get any guy you want."
Perhaps Natalie let her annoyance slip a little on her face because Jackie's eyes looked down with guilt.
"It's not like that…" Jackie said weakly and added something incoherent.
"You don't have to lie to me too, you know. I don't really care-"
"It's not that, geez, can you just listen!" Jackie yelled almost hysterically.
Natalie had an urge to say something back, she always did, but she stayed silent for once, crossing her arms defensively and clenching her jaw.
Jackie took a moment to calm herself down.
"I don't love Jeff… and I couldn't like any boy for that matter."
Natalie's eyes widened, "what?"
She was truly silenced. This sounded totally absurd. She observed the way Jackie was hesitating to open her mouth.
"It's true that I've been using Jeff because I thought it was normal..." Jackie buried her head into her hands, "I- I think I always knew… that I like girls…"
Jackie's searched something in Natalie's eyes through her long lashes. But Natalie couldn't utter a word, she was frozen.
Everything that she thought about Jackie until now was wrong. And Natalie didn't know how to feel about that. She only felt her heart beating. Could someone this popular, this attractive really be a lesbian like her?
Just as Natalie parted her lips, Jackie suddenly rose up.
"Nat, I need to puke."
Natalie urge Jackie to the bathroom as quick as she could. She didn't know what to say anyway, so she got saved in some way.
Natalie pressed a hand on her back as she was puking. At least she wouldn't have a headache tomorrow.
After a disgusting stay in the toilet they were back at Natalie's room. Perhaps she wouldn't see Jackie in the same light ever again.
"We need to get you home," Natalie said, leaning against the wall.
She let a sight in Jackie's childish whining.
"You can't be here anyway, so get your ass up."
Natalie offered her hand which Jackie unwillingly took. They felt each other's hand for a few more seconds than just a friendly interaction.
Jackie moved trough the corridor like a noodle. Natalie let out a sigh. She was still drunk as fuck, but at least she wasn't screaming.
Natalie came behind her to support her by her tiny waist. She swallowed because she suddenly felt super aware of her hand rubbing against the soft fabric of Jackie's dress.
At the exit Natalie put on her leather jacket on Jackie. It looked surprisingly good on her like it fitted her naturally. Natalie's face was growing hot even against the slight wind.
"Just lean onto me and let's fucking get you home."
Jackie nodded.
Natalie knew where Jackie's house was because she had been there on parties and sleepovers before where she felt like an outsider, but Jackie still invited her every time.
They moved trough empty, barely lighted streets like two junkies. The silence made it easier for Jackie to process the previous conversation. Maybe Natalie read Jackie wrong all along. And she couldn't help, but wonder if some of her gestures and words during trainings meant something more…
Natalie's eyes occasionally drifted at Jackie's face, studying her but secretly lingering on her pretty features.
"I'm stupid," Jackie mumbled, suddenly stopping for a brief second. She wasn't crying anymore, but rather calmly acknowledging the fact.
She leaned more on Natalie, her hand almost gripping the fabric of Natalie's shirt, "I wish I could be like you… you are always truly yourself… and yet you are so easy to love…"
Natalie's pulse throbbed. There was no way Jackie actually thought that. She was just saying drunk nonsense. It was just a little left until Jackie's house, so Natalie just had to endure it.
"You… don't mean that," she said quietly.
"I do- I- I really think you are fucking cool… but I wish you wouldn't hate me…"
Natalie was stunned for a second. Well that was brutally honest.
"Jackie, I do not hate you. Literally nobody does."
"Now you definitely will since, you know, I'm… different. Everyone will… my family, my friends, god, I'm so stupid."
Natalie's grip on Jackie's side tightened a little. She perfectly understood that feeling. Her eyes drifted to the ground.
"You shouldn't care about what others think. They are full of shit. Besides that doesn't make me hate you…" Natalie added quietly something she would never admit normally, "it kinda makes me like you more."
She glanced sideways and saw red flush and a soft smile on Jackie's face. The one she had reserved for Natalie.
"I'm so drunk. I don't think I would ever admit I like you too."
"Well, that makes two of us," Natalie mumbled with a smirk.
They approached Jackie's house. That house was definitely an upgrade from Natalie's crib.
They lingered in front of the front door. Jackie definitely hesitated to ring the doorbell. It was past midnight after all.
"Oh… My mom is gonna kill me…"
Natalie shrugged, "At least she cares."
Jackie made a small nod.
She placed her hand on Natalie's chest, only lightly touching it, but her fingers felt warm.
"Before I go… can you remind me of everything that I said tomorrow if I forget?"
Natalie hesitated, "I guess, if you will want to talk to me."
Jackie moved her face to Natalie's earlobe. Natalie forgot how to breathe for a second.
"And remind me that I'm in love with you."
Jackie whispered it so lightly like it didn't matter at all. A second later she was already reaching for the doorbell.
"What? Jackie!"
The door opened and Natalie - the flustered mess she was - had to explain to Jackie's parents what happened. Of course, she had to leave out all their conversations, but they still weren't too happy. It seemed that they didn't like Natalie too much. Old people.
Meanwhile Jackie was already asleep like a baby.
Natalie returned home alone with wind hitting her hot face. Surely, all those stupidly sweet things Jackie said weren't true. And yet some part of Natalie hoped that she meant it. That she loved Natalie.
Natalie got drunk that night in her room too.
°•*⁀➷
Natalie entered the locker room. Everyone was doing their usual business, nothing seemed off. But Natalie's eyes immediately locked with Jackie's and she thickly swallowed. Fuck, it was like 8 in the morning and Natalie couldn't deal with all her feelings, especially when Jackie was giving her that bitch face.
Natalie moved and sat down like she usually would. Maybe they would just pretend nothing ever happened. That was what Jackie would surely do.
"Hey, Nat," Jackie spoke softly, lightly touching her on the arm.
Natalie flinched. She didn't even register when Natalie got this close to her.
"I'm sorry for last night and for bullshit I said," she said it more firmly.
Natalie felt her heart sink, but she tried to not show anything on her face.
"You didn't mean any of that?" Natalie asked carefully.
People were already leaving onto the pitch. Natalie couldn't bare to look at Jackie, she focused on tying her shoes.
"I was drunk, I don't remember anything," Jackie said defensively.
Natalie stiffened. Her jaw tightened. She was gonna do the thing Jackie asked her to.
"You said you were in love with me," Natalie said in a deep voice, allowing it to settle between them, "was that also bullshit?"
Her eyes shot up to meet Jackie. She was sweating, pale as if she saw a ghost.
She shacked her head slowly.
"That's-" Jackie opened her mouth but couldn't say anything.
Natalie waited while her heart pounded. She didn't know what to think.
"Yes, I guess, sorta…"
"Sorta," Natalie said in disbelief, shaking her leg anxiously.
She stared straight ahead. She gently bit her lower lip.
"J-Jackie… you better mean it," Natalie said with a hoarse voice.
She felt a tug on her shirt which probably meant "shut up and kiss me."
Natalie stared at Jackie's lips without moving forward. And then she felt a small kiss on her lips. She felt the ghost of Jackie's kiss with her fingers.
"Are you gonna do anything or what, princess?" Jackie said mockingly, but her face was a flushed mess. Natalie probably wasn't any better.
"Shut up…" she mumbled.
She inched closer and pressed a hesitant kiss in return. Jackie's lips were soft and so feminine. Natalie pulled right back into the kiss, wanting to taste more. They practically devoured each other while the footsteps of other girls could still be heard.
"Jackie, I.."
"I know."
Natalie would treat her a lot better than Jeff ever could.