Work Text:
it’s never been a secret that jiwoo’s heart belonged to yu haram. with her charm, beauty, and brains, how could jiwoo not fall in love with her?
but in this universe, and probably every other one, yuha’s heart belonged to a-na. it was obvious from the way she smiled, laughed, and how her attention always seemed to go back to the younger girl.
i was that for her once, jiwoo thinks. but not anymore.
-
“jiwoo-unnie. do you like yuha?”
today, jiwoo found herself alone with stella in a practice room. the younger girl asked her for help, but clearly there were underlying intentions with how she stood in front of the other girl.
“what?”
“i said-“
“i know what you said,” jiwoo cuts her off. “i’m not answering that.”
stella nods.
“deflection counts as an answer.”
“no it doesn’t.”
“yes it does.”
“stella.”
the tone in her voice is enough to make stella silent.
the two stand face to face, the leader’s gaze unwavering in spite of her quickened heartbeat. stella averts her gaze to the bottle in her hand. she crinkles it before speaking in a hushed tone.
“you know, i’m…
also in love with yuha.”
the confession makes jiwoo’s expression crack, eyes widening.
“i was just asking because.. i wanted to know if i wasn’t alone,” stella continues.
instinctually, jiwoo steps forward and enwraps stella in an embrace.
“you aren’t,” jiwoo confirms.
and it’s enough, as stella hugs her back tighter.
-
jiwoo’s feelings for yuha were never a secret. stella’s feelings however, had been. so here jiwoo and stella sit, shoulder-to-shoulder in an empty practice room, the idea of practicing having been long discarded.
“what do we do now?” stella murmurs, almost hesitant of her own question.
jiwoo turns her head to look at the other girl, confused.
“what do you mean?”
the vocalist plays with her hands instead of meeting jiwoo’s gaze.
in a pitiful tone, “we’re like- ..lovesick losers.”
the leader stiffens a bit at the statement.
“we’re not losers..”
“well we aren’t exactly winning, jiwoo-unnie.”
it feels like the moment is going to pass with how silent the room becomes, but then stella’s head perks up. her eyes, too, are locked on jiwoo’s now.
“what if..
we date each other instead?”
if jiwoo were any more surprised, her face definitely shows the fact.
“excuse me?”
“think about it: we’re both in the same situation, so naturally we understand each other. might as well experience what it’d be like if we actually like.. had a chance, you know?”
internally, jiwoo admires stella’s audacity. externally, her face is painfully neutral.
“..that sounds stupid.”
“that’s not very nice.”
“well, you aren’t exactly making it easy to be nice.”
hmph, stella pouts, slouching herself against the wall.
jiwoo stares at the pink-haired girl and goes into deep consideration. it might be because she doesn’t like to see stella pout, or because she doesn’t want to rob the other girl of an experience she seems to want. to be trusted with those feelings…
the leader braces herself for what she’s about to say next.
“i guess.. we could.”
“really?!”
jiwoo nods.
“i’m comfortable enough with you.”
stella scoffs, mildly offended.
“oh wow, ‘comfortable enough?’”
“i just mean-“ she defends.
“i don’t mind if it’s you. you’re-”
stella’s shoulder bumps against hers.
“hey," she slyly smiles at the short-haired girl. "no need to get sappy; we aren’t actually dating yet.”
“you..” jiwoo starts.
“i’m joking! joking,” she laughs, reaching for jiwoo’s hand. jiwoo lets her, meeting her in the middle as their hands envelop. stella squeezes her hand lightly as a quiet confirmation and the moment settles.
-
over the past few months, jiwoo has come to a realization. in the midst of affection and learning how to care for stella under the guise of their arrangement, there were real feelings blossoming in her heart.
lately, instead of waking up and getting ready immediately, jiwoo would get on her phone to text stella “good morning.” wherever she found herself, she sought out a certain blonde. whenever she went to a convenience store to grab snacks, she’d buy an extra banana milk on the way out. more so, with every touch exchanged between the two, her heart craved more. every word now held a special weight, as it was coming from the girl that her heart grew fond of.
she smiled more. she laughed more. she’s finally able to look yuha in the eye and hold a conversation without her heart beating out of her chest. at this point, loving stella felt natural. so natural that it scared her. scared her because she didn’t know what to do with these feelings. scared her because she wasn’t sure stella felt the same.
“jiwoo, what are you thinking about?”
right now, they lie side-by-side in stella’s bed. they’ve done this a few times already, whenever a-na decides to visit the other dorm, stella asks jiwoo to come over. ignoring carmen’s inquiries (respectfully), jiwoo has always made her way into stella’s room without a second thought.
jiwoo’s heart races a bit, as stella only drops the honorifics when they’re alone.
“nothing,” jiwoo responds, staring up at the ceiling.
“i know you’re thinking about something, you have that look on your face.”
jiwoo looks over to see stella who’s already been watching her despite the room being dim.
“what look?”
“that faraway look, like you’re yearning to be up in the stars.”
“hm,” she thinks of the allusion in that sentence and smiles at the possibility stella was aware of the fact. “maybe i am.”
“well, if you ever decide to go, don’t forget about me, okay?” she smiles, and it’s bright.
“okay, stella.”
stella hums in delight, turning over and embracing her. jiwoo lets her, knowing that there was no turning back.
-
the arrangement has carried on a while. at first, boundaries were iffy, but over the past few months the two girls learned how to navigate around each other’s preferences. from hand-holding to gift-giving, it was as if they really were a couple.
well, they are a couple. so much so that stella found herself in a conversation with yuha about it. yuha made herself comfortable in a-na’s bed as she waited for a-na to fetch her to go to the other H2H’s dorm.
“you and jiwoo-unnie.. you two are together, right?” yuha asked.
“yes we are,” stella responds, a bit wary of the other girl. she looks up from her phone. “why do you ask?”
“oh, i was just curious.”
yuha smiles, head tilted slightly.
“i don’t think i’ve seen jiwoo this happy in a while,” she continues. “it’s nice.”
stella feels her stomach twist slightly, something inside her bubbling. she can’t hide the sass in her response.
“yeah, well.. she’s with me, so it’s only to be expected.”
“right,” yuha nods. then follows with, “are you happy?”
“of course,” incredulous, “why wouldn’t i be?”
“i don’t know,” the older girl shrugs. “i was just asking.”
a-na comes in to get the older girl soon after the conversation dies, but on yuha’s way out, stella speaks up.
“yuha.”
the other girl turns around, eyebrows raising.
“hm?”
“you already broke her heart once. i’m not going to do the same.
..because i love her.”
“i know,” yuha smiles. “but does she?”
she turns back, moving swiftly, and closes the door with a soft click in finality, leaving stella speechless.
-
later that night, jiwoo finds herself in stella’s bed. it’s been a few minutes in and the older girl already knows stella’s sulking by the way she’s curled up against her, but has no knowledge as to why. so she holds her in an embrace, rubbing her back before speaking up.
“stella,” she says in a quiet voice. “what’s wrong?”
“nothing,” she mumbles, breath tingling on jiwoo’s neck.
“i’ve heard that response before,” jiwoo counters. “it usually means there is something.”
stella shifts, moving imperciptibly closer to jiwoo for warmth. or maybe courage.
“just.. distract me,” she settles. “talk about today.”
the short-haired girl hums in confirmation, respecting stella’s wishes. she begins to talk about what she’s done that day, how she ate lunch with a-na and spent time with carmen and ye-on. she talks about her make-up being a bit less flattering than she liked and mentions how she misses her long hair, hoping to perform with it in the future. even though stella knows already, being in the same group as her, she likes listening to jiwoo’s perspective of the day.
in the midst of her talking, she says,
“i was talking with yuha earlier-“
and stella tenses. jiwoo feels it under her palm and stops.
“stella?”
it’s silent for a moment.
“jiwoo,” stella begins. “i need to tell you something.”
considering the contents of which she spoke, jiwoo immediately gets to thinking. she doesn’t try to deny the part of her mind that’s thinking of the possible end between the two, but she’s nervous. still, she obliges.
“what is it?”
stella takes a moment to scoot further from jiwoo to look her in the eyes. jiwoo misses the warmth immediately.
“i haven’t been honest with you, and i’m sorry. that day, when i told you i was in love with yuha..” she trails off, licking her lips before continuing.
“it wasn’t true. i was never in love with her,”
voice trembling,
“but you were. you were so in love, and i knew it. the way you stared at her as if she hung the moon, it was obvious.”
jiwoo’s silence encourages the other girl to continue.
i don't want to hold my feelings from her anymore, stella finalizes.
“the truth is, i’ve always been in love with you. i never thought you’d say yes to this- i don’t know why you did- but you agreeing has made me the happiest I’ve ever been.”
her eyes start to well up with tears.
“stella,” jiwoo whispers, moving to cup her face.
“i know this probably ruins everything,” the other continues, moving her own hands over jiwoo’s.
“stella,” she tries again. she feels stella lean into her touch before pulling back, her guilt overwhelming her as tears streak her bare face.
“and i know that things will never be normal between us now, but i had to tell you-“
“stella.” that tone, like she’s heard before, strikes her silent. she feels jiwoo’s thumbs wipe away her tears, her touch feather-light. she blinks to look at her, still holding her careful gaze.
“the past months have been the craziest, yet most amazing months i’ve had,” jiwoo begins.
“being with you has shown me a new perspective of love, how it grows with every new day. even though the way you started this was crazy.. in a way, i’m grateful for it. had you never done this, i don’t think i would’ve been able to move on, let alone experience these feelings in this relationship with you. but now that i have…
i never want to experience anything else.
from the mornings i wake up to the nights i go to bed, there isn’t anyone else in my mind but you, stella.”
the younger girl feels her heart about to burst as the older girl leans in, saying finally:
“i love you.”
stella huffs in disbelief; tears continue to roll down her face.
“this is crazy..”
“i know,” jiwoo replies, cradling her preciously.
subconsciously, she’s leaning in. she doesn’t notice until the other girl is also.
“yes,“ stella whispers.
jiwoo chuckles.
“you’re eager.” she pauses, teasing.
“jiwoo.”
and that’s all it takes for jiwoo to close the gap. stella feeling of plush lips against her own, nonetheless belonging to the girl that she’s been pining for, makes her skin tingle.
satisfied, stella pulls away slowly, opening her eyes to meet the other girl’s, whose eyes are gleaming in spite of the dark.
“i’m sorry for keeping you waiting,” jiwoo decides to say, thumbs brushing her cheek once more in fondness.
stella moves to peck jiwoo’s lips lightly, then pulls away, smiling at her.
“i think this was worth the wait.”