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He could do this.
This was easy. This was normal. This was… painless. Or, at least he tried to tell himself that.
It didn't hurt seeing Johnny excited for a new date. It didn't hurt when Johnny flirted with every new face he was presented with. Or when Johnny inevitably broke it off or was broken by someone else and Roy had to comfort him with a dry joke.
It didn't hurt because they were just friends. Coworkers and best buddies, pals, friends till the end. And nothing would change that.
So Roy set his coffee mug down, maybe harder than he had intended, and smiled.
"So, Junior, what put that extra skip in your step this morning?" he asked.
"I… am in love," Johnny announced with a wide smile, all teeth. He sat on the table right next to Roy's coffee and propped his feet up on an empty chair.
Roy leaned back, easily, casually, in his chair and looked up at him.
"Oh yeah? New nurse I haven't met yet?"
"Nope." Johnny popped the 'p' with exaggeration and folded his arms over his thighs as he leaned forward.
"It's not the woman we helped the other day?" Roy asked, horrified at the idea. She was attractive enough, but she had been very obvious in her want of Johnny and particularly Johnny's genes for offspring.
"God, no. No way." Johnny shuddered. "Why would you—no."
"Okay," Roy laughed. "Not her."
He reached for his coffee. Too close to Johnny's thighs. He could feel the heat from the mug in his palm and the warmth from Johnny's body on the outside of his arm. Roy breathed and brought the mug close to his body before taking a sip.
Then he looked back up at Johnny again and Johnny was just… looking at him. His smile gone soft as his eyes glittered. He was impossible to not love. Roy didn't know what was wrong with every girl who had decided Johnny wasn't the one. Because he was.
He looked back down into his coffee, narrowing his eyes too hard on the curls of steam.
"So then… who is the object of your affection, this time?" He hoped he didn't sound bitter when he asked. He was just trying to be attentive, be a good friend, be supportive.
Johnny's bright grin, the one that had gone soft, shifted again. He almost looked amused as if he had a secret that he was holding tight.
Roy's hand tightened around the coffee mug.
Johnny looked down at him from his perch on the table. His elbows resting on his knees and shoulders curved forward. He gave a long sigh.
"I'm not sure if I should say."
Roy laughed because that was what he was supposed to do. Because Johnny was being dramatic. Because Johnny was always dramatic before a new date, before a new crush, before the next pretty girl with a smile and a very short future in Johnny's life.
"You don't know if you should say?" Roy repeated. "Since when has that ever stopped you from talking?"
Johnny's smile twitched. "Hey!"
"I'm just saying," Roy lifted his mug. "Usually by this point you have already told me her name, height, hair color, and at least three reasons why this one is different."
"This one is different."
Roy's smile held.
"Well…" he took a sip. "There you go."
Johnny rolled his eyes at Roy's conclusion. "Maybe it really is different this time. I haven't even told this person. Not sure what they'd do. Might just sit back and be in love from a distance."
"Distance? You?" Roy scoffed. "Not possible."
"Yeah… you might be right." Johnny acknowledged with a serious nod. "I've never been great at cooling my heels."
He seemed to be thinking about something, contemplating. Then he reached down and plucked Roy's coffee from his hand, setting it gently on the table and standing up.
"Hey! I was drin—" Roy's protests were immediately shushed with one long finger on his lips. Then Johnny took his hands and pulled him to his feet.
"I'm in love," Johnny said.
"Yeah."
"With you."
"Yeah, you—" Roy stopped when the words hit him. He'd obviously heard wrong. "What?"
"I'm in love with you. Just you. No new girl." Johnny explained.
"But…" How had this come about so suddenly?
"That girl from the other day…" Johnny started, slowly bringing their hands together again and linking their fingers. "When I turned her down, she said it was such a waste that I'd never have kids because my partner and I were too in love with each other."
"She said that??" Roy's jaw dropped. Johnny nodded with wide, amused eyes.
"Apparently, we've been obvious to everyone except each other."
Roy’s chest felt too full. Like he had breathed in and forgotten how to breathe out.
"Johnny..."
Johnny swallowed. "You don’t have to say anything. I mean, you can. Obviously, you can. I just—" He gave a short, breathless laugh and looked away toward the apparatus bay, toward escape. "I guess I figured if some woman we met for ten minutes can see it, maybe I ought to stop pretending I don’t."
Roy’s fingers tightened.
Johnny looked back at him immediately.
Roy hadn’t meant to do it. He hadn’t meant to hold on harder. He hadn’t meant to give himself away with something as simple and stupid as his hand, but Johnny felt it. Of course Johnny felt it.
Johnny always felt the things Roy tried not to say.
"Roy?"
The way he said it almost undid him.
Careful. Hopeful. Afraid to want too much.
Roy shook his head once, not in denial, not exactly. More like he was trying to shake loose all the years he had spent putting this in places it couldn’t be touched. Behind jokes. Behind work. Behind the easy shape of their friendship.
"You can’t just say something like that over coffee," Roy said.
Johnny blinked.
Then, slowly, his mouth curved. "That's why I took the coffee and put it on the table. Plus…" he shrugged. "I didn't know how long we had until the guys got back from the trash fire and I really wanted to—"
Roy pulled and Johnny stumbled in closer.
Their mouths met badly at first. Too startled as their teeth clicked roughly. Roy’s aim was off by a fraction, and Johnny made a soft, surprised sound against him.
Then Johnny’s hand unlinked and came up to Roy’s shoulder. Then Roy tilted his head. Their lips softened into each other's warm breaths.
Then it wasn’t bad at all.