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Tommy doesn't know what he's waiting for.
He doesn't know who he's waiting for.
He jumped. He jumped down earlier, falling into the shallow water, which definitely did hurt his leg even if he's not admitting it yet. Maybe it's just the adrenaline not wearing off.
sitting here, cold and damp. Alone and wallowing in his sorrows.
Listening to the rushing waves from the beach, Tommy was conflicted on the next choice he could make. He built the tower, he jumped down, but the satisfaction of death was not given to him, although his leg hurt like a bitch. Of course it would be painful! You don't jump off from a height like that and expect to be okay.
He was never expecting to be okay.
But he didn't know what he expected. He never does. Maybe because he's impulsive, maybe because he didn't think about the consequences, either way… this was his own fault, wasn't it? He thought it was. Yet of course he only thinks about it more after he jumped off and survived this intentionally failed attempt.
Now he sat here, on the grass. Soaking wet from the cold, shallow water. Maybe he should've done this in the afternoon, when the water would be a bit warmer to handle. Then again, he didn't want Dream to visit and find him trying to kill himself again.
“It's not your time to die yet, Tommy.” in the stupid nether.
He finally realized he was shivering. The fact that his clothes were already torn before this didn't make it better. The dirt stains into mud after the water, but he was too tired to care. He was only thinking about what he should do now.
What could he do now? Why is he just sitting here? He knows nobody is coming. Other than Dream, of course. Nobody prances through the nether portal and says hello. Nobody visits, everyone hates him. They all do, it was proven with his beach party. Nobody showed up. Except for Dream.
His attention was brought back to the pain on his leg. He knows he should take care of it, but he knows he doesn't even have anything to take care of it. Of course he didn't, Dream exploded everything. He had next to nothing now. Even if he had something, he couldn't be bothered to check and run around all over camp.
He took a deep breath. He hated sitting here. Like he's waiting for something, like someone will magically come and check on him after not giving a flying fuck about him for so long. He can't even say he's angry. He deserved this, no? Either way, Dream said he did. Of course he would believe his only friend.
Even though that's not true, Dream was just here to watch him. Wasn't he?
He knows if he wants something, he has to do it himself. Before Dream comes and takes everything away again. But he would only pretend like nothing's wrong and that everything is fine. Because according to the green-blob-bitch, everything was fine. Dream doesn't lie. Even though Tommy knows that's not entirely true.
He hated feeling like a pussy, he wasn't. He's supposed to be the big man! The strong, scary, cool woman-having man! Not that anyone believes that he is cool. Or that he has any women, but that's not the point!
Who could he even ask for help? Almost everyone was so far away.
Almost everyone was far away.
Before moving to think about the brooding piglin in the snow tundra, he thought about the possibility of going to anyone else, not that anyone else had a possibility of helping him. What made him think that the big Blade would? Pity? He didn't exactly want pity. Pity is for pussies, the double P, PP! Pity pussy! He is so off track.
Okay, back to brainstorming. Who else can he go to? There's some people he could think of, but it would be more difficult than the venture to Technoblades.
Tubbo was out of the question. He was the president of the ‘burg! The big man, taking care of the big burg. Proud of his best friend, he was still hurt and unsure on if they were best friends. Tubbo was the one that went through with the exile anyways! It all depended on his final say. And he said ‘get out’ , so why would the bee-boy open his arms for him?
He wanted to hope that he would.
He dwelled on other people, other possible options.
Ranboo, Quackity , god. Who else?
Everyone else had some sort of downside that he thought made the option a bad one.
He was probably running out of time. He should stop sitting around and do something on his own accord for once. While he still has the choice and get up to– well, not run– but get away. Walk away? Whatever. He just had to leave! He wanted to. Who knows how much longer he'll continue living if he stays.
The original idea to run to the brooding piglin came back once more. Technoblade was probably the closest, and his best bet at that.
Tommy finally managed to force himself to stand up, only making the pain in his leg worse as he looked around the area. The dead, exploded area. He looked back up at his tower. The dirt and the stripped logs.
His final decision before he could pussy out, was to get to the Blades cabin. Surely he wouldn't mind! He probably would… but still, best bet! Or whatever.
With what little energy and willpower to keep living he had left, he decided to set course.
He would just have to hope he doesn't freeze to death before he gets there.
He's too cool to die from the cold. It's his goal to make it there alive and he knows he probably would.. it's just going to be a slow, painful adventure. Risky, but he would rather try to make it there instead of staying here for another hour.
He just has to keep moving.
And he needs to stop stalling!
He shook his head and finally left the camp.
The step back to feeling free has begun. Finally going back to choosing his own path. And as hard as it was, he did feel underlying confidence that he was doing this.
Everything will be okay.