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“I AM BORED!” Screamed Coral, flailing her arms and legs, lying on a bed. It creaked with each of her movements.
“Maybe try solving some crosswords?” Sidian was sitting in a chair in the corner of the dingy room. He was busy lifting weights.
“I’d rather die.” Coral stared at the peeling, sickly green wallpaper.
“Then read something. It would do you some good.”
Surprisingly enough, Coral did not argue. Instead, she scoured the wardrobe and bed-stands for anything readable. Eventually, she found some kind of magazine and became occupied with it for a while. Some silence. Finally.
Sidian’s thoughts started to wander.
He and Coral were staying in a cheap motel, they could not afford anything better. Because of the crowds of stalker fans and haters alike, they had to leave their previous residences, and stay on the move. After losing their jobs as Explorers, they were broke and had nowhere to go... so they stuck together. Both from force of habit and convenience.
Trying their hand at being poketubers did not pan out after they got cancelled on Bombird and Washrtm because of the whole Strong Sphere scandal. Fuck Spinel for that. And, well...while Sidian had a lot of respect for Liko, the blue haired Social Justice Warrior who helped with uncovering the vileness of laquium...he could not help but hold an ounce of resentment towards her as well. However, he knew what the truth was: he only had himself to blame for his involvement with this whole affair.
In any case, without their manager, both Coral and Sidian were like Simisears in the Mist when navigating the brutal reality of social media. It was all too difficult to deal with, and they were not especially motivated to continue the celebrity lifestyle anyway.
They tried sending out some CVs. Unfortunately for Sidian, having a criminal past made most potential employers immediately reject him. As for Coral...while she only had minor offenses on record, it was difficult to imagine why would ANYONE want to hire her. Especially in a normal work place, such as a pokemart, or bakery. Their last recourse for getting money would be streaming on OnlyPokeManiacs, but they were not quite that desperate yet. Although, Coral’s poor financial decisions, such as buying out a whole stand of Jigglypuff bread would surely hasten their fall to the desperate status...
“Oi, Sidian, look at this.” Coral demanded.
Sidian sighed as Coral put the magazine right into his face. He had to back off to see what she was trying to show him. It was a new issue of the Occulture magazine, an article about…some kind of weird area in which allegedly a mega Rayquaza could be found. It had a bunch of pictures of...ordinary rocks? The author claimed there was some interference that made it impossible to catch the legendary Pokémon on camera.
“Look at these photos! I mean REALLY look at them.” Coral slapped the page several times.
Sidian squinted. “There is nothing there.” He said.
“EXACTLY. This guy was high as a kite when he took those photos. And I want to know what he was on. Probably like, crack!”
“Uh-uh.”
“It’s like, you know, back then when we had a cold. Remember how we drank too much cough syrup?”
“No.”
“You thought that the neighbor’s gardening hose was an Arbok and ordered Garganacl to attack it with Salt Cure. You ended up hitting the cucumber patch instead. And then I ate the cucumbers. They were delicious.”
“I don’t remember.”
“Yeah, of course you don’t, cause you’re stoopid. Anywhoo, we need to get those drugs!”
Sidian stared at Coral, unmoved, like a stone.
“And give them to Spinel!” Coral enthused.
“What?”
“Like, he must need drugs in jail.”
“So?”
“So we’re going there to get this shit.”
“We? I don’t really care—“
“And I wanna try this too. I wanna drink some crack!”
“That’s not what you do with—“
Sidian was interrupted by Coral dragging him away by his collar. Impressive how she could accomplish that, despite being around half his weight.
The two ex-Explorers arrived in “Area Delta”— a triangular shaped canyon with a bunch of also triangular rocks. Interesting for a geology enjoyer, but nothing special for anybody else. And Sidian preferred cube shaped rocks. All square, like Arceus intended. But Sidian did wonder if there was some truth to the article...was there really a chance to see a Rayquaza here?
“Coral. I feel the need to point out: Do you know that usually people get thrown in jail for the possession of drugs? Rather than drugs being a necessity item when already in jail?”
“No way! Spinel must need some there. I mean, imagine how boring it must be to just sit in a cell and do nothing.”
“You’re actually worried about him?
“No! He’s a piece of shit. But he still deserves some drugs, as a treat.”
“Well, he did say he needed some stuff when we visited him...”
“Yeah! Cigarettes are a currency there right? If so, crack must be better!”
“Do you even know what crack is?”
“It’s the thing you take when you want to write trashy fic!”
“Write what?”
Coral did not respond, she got distracted by a glint of light a couple rocks away from their position.
She rushed towards it, and Sidian begrudgingly followed.
A mysterious group of travelers rested in the shade between two hoodoos.
Set up amidts the rocks were a couple of tents. An old bearded guy in loose flowery clothes was tending to a campfire. Nearby, there were three young people in tinfoil hats. One of them was unpacking a huge backpack, a Munna was helping her. The second one was arranging something on a folding table, a Comfey wrapped around his tinfoil hat. The third one was sitting on a stone, talking to a Glimmet and smoking a joint. One could say that they were...a stoner.
“A curious smell.” Said Sidian.
“You mean, this stinks of weed!”
“I think that’s oregano—”
“You dummy. These are some cloud-Swablu-lander hippies, this must be marijuanine.”
“That’s not what it’s call—“
“Oh, hey there! Did you also come here because of the Occulture piece?” The stoner called out and waved.
“You could say that... Did you notice anything unusual about this area?” Sidian and Coral approached the group.
“This, young lad, is a power spot. It is very unusual indeed. Care to join us in basking in its cosmic energy?” The old man’s hand extended in a welcoming gesture.
“Hell yeah!” Coral exclaimed.
“Of course, to feel the benefits of this place, you need to abandon all evil thoughts!” the man added.
“Yes, yes, listen to the guru!” The three tinfoil-hatters said in unison.
“Sounds like bul—” Sidian interrupted Coral by covering her mouth and whispered:
“Don’t insult them, they can have some useful info.”
The whole group gathered around the campfire. Coral and Sidian scanned what was lying on the table: a bunch of plastic bags, filled with dried leaves and various powders; a basket of vegetables and fruit; a 5 liter bottle of water; an enormous pot, a pipe; a huge spoon; some bowls...Right. They were definitely cooking something.
Coral pointed at the plastic bags and said in a conspiratorial whisper: “These must be it. Our target.”
Sidian was pretty sure that everyone heard that.
“Oh? Young lady, are you interested in the mystical properties of these gifts of nature?” asked the old man.
“Oh yes, tell me all about it!”
“We are preparing a ritual...that will let us commune with the power of this place!” The guru gestured towards the ingredients on the table.
“Each of these potent components offers a different blessing!”
The youngsters all nodded...but he stoner nodded so hard their tinfoil hat fell of. They scurried to put it back on.
The guru pointed at the water bottle: “This is Rayquaza spit! It will summon the great dragon into our hearts!” Sidian raised his eyebrow and decided against asking.
“And these are Shroomish leaves! They can make you live long and prosper! And this is powdered Ponyta Magma, that will make you burn with energy!” the guru continued his litany. Then he cleared his throat.
“Last, but not least, this is Clefairy dust!” The old man picked up the bag of crystals. They had an opalescent quality to them, and glittered brightly when stray sun rays hit their surface. Sidian did not remember seeing anything like this before.
“The Clefairy dust can cleanse you from bad energies, and grant you the ability to see spirits of the past!”
Coral giggled. “Yea we’re gonna see spirits all right.”
The three tinfoil-hatters nodded again. This time, the stoner held their hat to prevent it from falling.
“All right, old man, how about you give us all of this stuff.” Coral demanded.
“I can give them to you for a small offering of 10000 pokéyen.
“No way, I’m not gonna pay shit. Hand it all over.”
“Miss, I will not part with such powerful gifts without asking for a fee.” the guru insisted.
“GIMME!!”
“You better do as she says. You don’t want to make her angry.” Sidian said.
Coral reached towards the table. “I’m just gonna take it!”
“I won’t let you!” The backpack girl bravely stood in Coral’s way, her legs were shaking though. Her Munna seemed nervous as well.
“Glalie! Fuck’em up!” When Coral’s Pokémon appeared on the battlefield, all four travelers gasped.
“Mu-mu-munna, use Hypnosis!”
The psychic pokemon emitted a pink swirl of energy directed at Glalie, who evaded it like it was nothing.
Upon seeing this, the Comfey squeaked and fled, it’s trainer chased after it.
“Glimmet! Use...uh...something?!” Cried out the stoner. Somewhat confused, Glimmet just sparkled a little bit. Very pretty. It did not impress Coral nor her Glalie though.
The air suddenly felt a little cooler, and a Blizzard fell onto the entire camp site. Snow covered the tents, Munna turned blue from cold. The same would have happened to Glimmet, but it was already blue... In any case, both pokemon were trembling both from fear and the sudden temperature drop. The campfire was extinguished, and so was the tinfoil-hatters’ will to fight.
“Take…whatever you want, just...have mercy….” the guru croaked.
While Coral busied herself with packing her spoils of war, Sidian stood by and did nothing.
After the ex-Explorers wandered out of earshot of their poor victims, Sidian reprimanded:
“Don’t you think you went overboard? They were no match for you. It is untrainer-like to not take your opponents’ skill level into consideration.”
”Meh, stop being such a stick in the mud. Let’s take a better look at the wicked loot those nameless NPCs dropped!” Sidian shook his head as Coral went through the plastic bags.
“You know what, I think I’ll keep the weed and the magma thingy. Spinel can have the clefairy dust.” Coral decided.
“How are we going to smuggle this into jail?” Sidian pondered.
“Muhaha I have a devilish plan.”
“I have a bad feeling about this...”
“Just trust me!”
Before getting inside the prison’s visitor area, the ex-Explorers had to pass through a security gate. Two prison guards approached them with a Houndoom, who then sniffed them for contraband. It found nothing. Great. First obstacle passed.
Now, for the scanner. Sidian stepped through the frame of the machine... it let him through. Coral, however, triggered a loud “beep”!
“Miss, maybe it’s your shoes. Could you please take them off?” The guards pointed at Coral’s heavy platform boots.
“You creeps! I’m not gonna do that!”
“Yes, I advise against this. She has stinky feet.” said Sidian.
“Shut up, no I don’t!” Coral screamed.
After a minute or two of bickering like this, the guards gave up and let them through.
“See? I’m a genius!” Coral lifted her chin and gave Sidian a smug grin as they entered the visiting room.
“Mhm. This worked better than expected.”
Spinel was already there, sitting at a table. He looked worse for the wear, even worse than when they saw him last time. Nothing like the haughty admin that he used to be. Hair uncombed, complexion pale, tattered rags for clothes...Sidian pitied him a tiny bit. Only a teeny tiny bit. Enough to not mind visiting him from time to time. Why did Coral want to visit Spinel though? Sidian’s guess was that she just enjoyed bullying their former boss.
Coral sat in the chair in front of Spinel, Sidian followed.
“Hello, Spinach! We have a fiendish gift for you! It’s drugs!” Coral took the plastic bag of sparkly powder out of her boot and dangled it in front of Spinel’s nose. He looked at it in apathetic silence.
After a moment, he said in a weary monotone: “I asked you to bring me a toothbrush.”
“Buhahha but you can still rub this in your gums, what’s the difference?”
“That’s not how it should be—“ Sidian protested.
“Did you at least bring me some soap? Lotion?” Spinel crumpled his brow.
“Ooooh...Lotion? What do you need lotion for?”
“Uh, I have some hand cream.” Sidian took a half-used up hand cream bottle out of his pocket and handed it over.
“Well, it’s better than nothing...” Spinel grumbled, the corner of his mouth twitched, his frown deepened.
“LOL I thought you were too manly to use hand cream.” Coral pointed at Sidian.
“It is important to take care of your body.” Sidian stated solemnly.
“Coral, you have some truly appalling ideas about masculinity.” Spinel chided, as he applied the cream to his hands. They did look kind of dry.
“I agree. Where did you get these ideas from?” Sidian nodded.
“Strawberry yogurt commercials.” Coral snorted.
“That’s not a credible source—“ Spinel attempted to reprimand her, but Coral interjected.
“ANYWAY! Take this!” She dropped the bag on the table and pushed it towards Spinel.
He inspected the crystals closely. “What do we have here...”
“They told us it is Clefairy dust.” Said Sidian.
“You dimwits. Clefairies don’t produce dust.”
“It’s… probably just the street name.” Sidian muttered.
Spinel looked at it again. Opened the bag. Smelled it. Cautiously took some of the crystals on his finger and licked it. Closed his eyes. Took a deep breath. Then, he made a wide dramatic gesture and announced:
“This is Kitakami salt. Regular table salt, with a trace presence of terastal crystals, causing an aesthetically pleasant luster. This rock is lauded by pseudo scientists for its supposedly miraculous health benefits. All false claims, of course.”
“Whoah, you have a mass spectrometer in your tongue, Spinel?” Coral exclaimed.
“You know what a mass spectrometer is?” Spinel gasped.
“What is a mass spectrometer?” Asked Sidian.
Spinel sighed. “I do not require a mass spectrometer to be able to determine that this indeed, is sodium chloride. And you, Sidian, of all people, should be able to distinguish this mineral from drugs.”
“I have failed ...What will my Garganacl think of me...my reputation sullied…” Sidian’s shoulders sagged.
“You’re supposedly so streetwise and you did not recognize that this is just table salt. Some street warrior you are. Some trainer you are. What a Dwebble.” With each consecutive insult, Spinel’s smile grew wider and wider.
“Shut up, Spinach, jerk. You loser. You forgot how you lost epically to us?” Coral stuck her tongue out.
Spinel’s mouth turned into an upside down horseshoe.
“You’re rubbing salt in his wounds.” Sidian said.
“Hahahahah that’s diabolical!” Coral burst into uncontrollable laughter.
That was the straw that broke the Numel’s back.
“Guards! Take these two away.” Spinel shouted with an imperative gesture.
The distant sound of crickets chirping came in through the small window.
No one showed up. Spinel clenched his fists so hard Sidian could hear the joints crack.
“Spinach, you idiot, still speaking like you’re a king!!” Coral was wheezing.
His pallid face now flushed with color, Spinel was shaking like a Bounsly.
“Ahahah you look like you’re gonna Self Destruct!”
“Coral, that’s enough.” Sidian scolded. At this point, Spinel really looked like he was about to explode. What was the point in being this sadistic?
Sidian took pity on Spinel and pressed the button in the wall to call the guards…the button that Spinel apparently forgot about in his wrath. Now, however, he realized his mistake and quickly hid the bag of salt in his clothes. Hmm...So he did want the present after all. Momentarily, the guards arrived.
“Took you long enough!” Spinel scoffed.
The guards looked like were just done with all of it, completely unimpressed by Spinel’s demeanor, but they did their job properly and escorted Coral and Sidian away.
In the corridor leading outside of the prison, Coral stretched her arms and legs.
“Well, that was fun. Did you see his ogreish face!?”
“Let’s just give him a toothbrush next time.” Sidian exhaled heavily.
“Meh. BORING! I’m already bored just from the mention of it. I’m in the mood for salted caramel. Let’s go steal some sweets!” Coral jumped up and down.
“Hush. Unless you want us to get locked in here too.” Sidian facepalmed.
“Haha you would be almost as salty as Spinel if we were, right?! You know what? We should bring him a kilo of salt next time!”
Impish laughter echoed across the entire prison building, sowing dread in Spinel’s heart.