Work Text:
Biden woke to his bed shifting, the weight distribution suddenly off. He opened his eyes to find his lover quietly sneaking out of bed.
“Trumpy baby boo?? What are you doing??” He said, his voice still husky from sleep. Donald jolted, then turned slowly toward Joe, ashamed.
“Sorry honey bunny, I have some work I have to do.” Trump turned to continue his silent walk to the window, when Joe spoke again.
“It’s still dark out, come back to sleep. I neeeeed you~! How could I sleep without your big, strong, manly, homosexual arms holding me.”Joe stared longingly as Donald crept over, slowly. Biden thought he might've been coming back to sleep, but Trump instead leaned in close, not with tenderness, but hostility.
“How many times do I have to tell you; I’M NOT GAY, I’M BI-CURIOUS!!!!” He yelled, so loud he probably woke up his other husband, Elon Musk, all the way in Texas. He walked away from the bed, exasperated. Joe felt both shocked and a very strong, very gay feeling. Where had this energy been last night? Whatever, that barely mattered as he stared at Donald as he started again.
He sighed, “Besides, this meeting’s at dawn. And out of town! I can’t be late. I’ll be back before you know I’m gone. I promise, my celery stick.” Trump gazed sympathetically at Biden, who sat upright in their bed. Joe completely understood, especially after serving a term as president himself. He knew where Trump was coming from, but he didn’t care. He persisted.
“Citrus orange muffin top, pleaseeee stay. Come back to sleep. I need you.” Trump's gaze softened, not moving, despite how much he wanted to curl back up in those sheets with his Biden. His career was on the line, he had to go.
“This meeting is in a few hours. I have to go.” Biden huffed at this. Defeated, he slumped back down into bed, facing away from Trump.
“Well, I’m going back to sleep.” He said, shutting his eyes as if slamming a door.
“Hey,” Trump said, sounding pitiful. A few seconds passed before he felt a hand on his shoulder and crusty, sandpaper-like, yet comforting lips on his forehead. They parted before he heard Donald's gruff yet sweet voice.
“I love you so much my sweet life insurance claim.” Biden didn’t respond, just stayed still. He looked over just in time to see Trump climbing out the window, off into the night. He suddenly heard gunshots, and rushed over to the window, only to see his beautiful, wonderful Donald being shot at by five people at the same time. He looked closer, only to see they were…
ONE DIRECTION?!?!