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he thought at first that hummer had been discouraged. that he’d logged off out of frustration.
wifies had sent email after email, and of course, none of them were dignified with a response.
and wifies understood completely. it was a question he’d asked himself too, if he was perfectly honest.
hummer had been the ideal study, so eager and dedicated. perfectly honest and decidedly devoted to “levi”. the leviathan. whatever. it wasn’t wifies area of expertise, but now, he’d seen it.
he doesn’t remember. not entirely. only hazy memories that return to him in his dreams, the golden spires of the castle, the sunlight through those misty leaves- and the ever-expansive darkness.
he knows he met with something that day- that night. wherever he was in the in-between.
he knows only that this something knew hummer, just as well as hummer knew it. that brings him back to his question.
why him and not hummer? why the skeptic, instead of the devotee? why reward hummer for his life’s work with…this?
hummer had so solidly given so much of his time. of his life. he’d perfected his research. he knew the thing’s patterns. he knew what it liked, what it detested. he'd grown acquainted with the cold waters, with the sting in his lungs, and wifies would be damned if that was all for nothing.
there was a small thought that wouldn’t leave him though. an answer to his question. something like a note pressed into the palm of his hand, something left behind after he’d washed ashore.
there was…no point in convincing hummer.
hummer already believed. whole-heartedly. doubtless. hummer would return to the seabed again and again without fail. but wifies…he didn’t trust the leviathan. his trust was awarded to hummer, and hummer alone.
there was a sort of guiltless anger that began to rise within him now. that had to have been why.
hummer’s belief was disposable. it didn’t matter what happened to him. hummer was always going to blame himself, his actions, his justification blind in the face of something larger. something beyond this plane. something leviathan.
no, wifies realized, the leviathan- no, levi, had let him die only to prove itself, to prove its existence. that it had a will, and would use it as evidence. to let him live as witness. that action, he realized, gritting his teeth, had been at hummer’s expense.
however holy, however just, it was cruel. to let wifies live, walk freely, was to smite his devotee.
it just wasn’t fair.
⊹ ࣪ ﹏𓊝﹏𓂁﹏⊹ ࣪ ˖
wifies slammed the book down on the table, and it sends the tower of books next to him careening to the floor. it’s pathetic, really. here he is, holed up in hummer’s library, searching for any clue, any deviance within the documents that would tell him what hummer would do, where he’d go.
hummer had poured his soul into these writings, and there wasn’t anything left of it to find. he was dedicated to his search and his search alone. his interests, his needs, it all took a back burner to his hunt for levi. there was nothing inside that wifies could find and use to explain where hummer had gone. and so he just had to wait.
but waiting had only led him here. dead end after dead end. book after book. wifies angrily shoved the remaining few books off the study and watched them topple to the ground too.
he wanted hummer back.
it was…startling to admit. but hummer’s presence was something he’d grown so, so used to. the world was so quiet without him. he filled every room he was in, so infinitely. so completely. now, wifies was left with the echo of it all. he didn’t want hummer to be gone.
he couldn’t be.
⊹ ࣪ ﹏𓊝﹏𓂁﹏⊹ ࣪ ˖
he returned to the ocean again and again. would surface just short of death, black spots winking in his vision, like a retreating ink stain. the sun would be golden, like a star. or like a watching eye.
the waves would press him into the white sand while he coughed and retched. and as they pressed him into the sand, there was a call. a pull. something that wanted him back under.
so he’d wait. and he’d return before the sun would set, itching for the feeling. for his lungs burning, chest punched and bruised. the ache. he just wanted…something.
he wanted hummer. fuck, he wanted hummer back bad. but there was never his familiar white noise. there was only ever silence.
wifies couldn’t tell if that pull was the leviathan, or his own, desperate need.
⊹ ࣪ ﹏𓊝﹏𓂁﹏⊹ ࣪ ˖
isolation could convince you of a lot.
he was sure of it.
he could go anywhere else. hop to any other world. he could drown in any other ocean, but it was never the one hummer used to occupy. isolation could convince you that you need the seafloor. that you need pain to live. that you need someone else to ground you.
that you needed their hands on your shoulders, their breath on your cheeks. that you needed the sound of them sighing, at night, the rustle of their sheets- that you need it to live.
that without them there in the room with you, they might be gone forever.
⊹ ࣪ ﹏𓊝﹏𓂁﹏⊹ ࣪ ˖
there was no reason hummer had to be gone forever. they had both drowned in arronax’s server, and still, they had both come home.
they had come home salty, soaked, and choking for breath in their bed sheets across the room from one another, but alive. they hadn’t ceased to exist, merely lost their place once or twice.
wifies wouldn’t give in. not yet. there was a lot to be done, he told himself.
every morning, when the sun rose, he went out to sit where hummer had once, on the shoreline.
he began to talk.
he would tell the leviathan things. bad things he had done. his hopes for absolution.
he would tell it the good things too. the things he was thankful for. the sun, when it was overhead. the rain when it met him there on the shore.
and he would cast out the potions when he’d find them. little seeds of doubt, he’d call them. he’d watch them sink, and so too would his heart.
but.
it was good for him to talk to someone. especially after all his time alone.
⊹ ࣪ ﹏𓊝﹏𓂁﹏⊹ ࣪ ˖
the longer he talked to levi, the more the dreams haunted him.
at first, it was day time. in that strange place, it was always daytime.
he climbed stairs in his dreams. he was always tired. always weak. balancing between life and death, trembling and soaked to the bone. he was always alone, and the castle felt cavernous.
but over time, through the repetitions, it began to change.
not physically.
no, the stairs were just as numerous, the lights as bright as ever. but it started to feel less lonely. it started to feel as though there was someone, something, watching him. and it was…amused…with him. there was a musicality to it, that hum of static.
and then, like it had never been any different, the lights were out.
the sun was…put out. it was so dark. there was no moon.
by now, wifies knew the way. aching and cold, salt water spilling from his mouth along with his devotions, he climbed the stairs again and again. he climbed toward where the sun should be, to the tallest tower, through the window and continued onward. his clothes were heavy and so were his muscles, but he was climbing toward the highest reward. he scaled the metal tiles along the roof, cool and shimmery in the night sky.
he panted and heaved himself onto the top of the spire. the ground was so very far below.
“i…” he wheezed. “i need to speak with you.” his words hung in the air for a moment.
“please,” he choked.
and he felt it. he felt time move. like day after day was flying past him.
he felt the air pull. there was a definite drag, and he felt time give and then tear. he held on desperately to the tip of the spire.
he watched the moon hoist itself from the horizon line, spinning along with the rest of the stars.
and the moon was yellow.
and it turned, and it stared, wide and all-knowing.
an answer.
- · ─ ·☽𖤓☾· ─ · ·
he woke up and immediately retched, coughing salt water onto the wood floor beside his bed.
- · ─ ·☽𖤓☾· ─ · ·
that night, he dreamt of hummer. he didn’t even realize it was a dream at first. it started so familiar.
wifies was sitting at the study, rifling through the pages of the book. the air changed, and the corner of wifies’s mouth turned up, but he didn’t dare look yet.
“oh, wow,” hummer said, suppressing an obviously fake yawn, “you’re up late.” wifies rolled his eyes. he turned to look anyway.
“i am,” he responded, tactfully, “and so are you.”
“robots don’t sleep,” hummer pointed out, leaning against the door frame. his shirt was wrinkled, and his vest was unbuttoned. wifies felt a warmth start in his chest. “robots don’t yawn either,” he retorted.
hummer smiled, before he pushed off the door frame to enter the room.
“what have you been up to?” he asked, and for some reason, wifies felt…like there was meant to be more to the question. like there was something else he’s trying to ask, but hummer looked…lazy and soft. his skin was flushed, and he looked settled. like he had all the time in the world.
wifies turned back to his book. “just…more research, i guess,” he met hummer’s eyes.
“on?”
wifies strained to remember. “i don’t…” he furrowed his brow.
yellow.
there was something. he struggled to hold onto it.
“levi?” he answered, but it was more of a question than an answer. that sounded right. what else would they be looking for? hummer responded noncommittally, easing himself onto the study in front of wifies.
“yeah?”
wifies stared up at him. oh.
“you’re- this is a dream, isn’t it?”
hummer smiled. “it is.”
wifies cursed, shoving the book away from himself.
“no- no, don’t be mad,” hummer tried to console him. he- it sounded so real.
he raised a hand to his mouth and bit down, teeth sinking into his flesh. hot, red blood spilled out, but there was no pain. there was nothing.
the thing across from him grabbed his wrist and yanked it from him. it had his cold metal fingers, their tact, their precision-
“wifies!” it scolded.
wifies pressed his lips together. “you’re not him.”
it regards him strangely.
there was a long silence as it slowly relinquished its hold on his hand. it straightened its spine.
“why are you trying so hard?” it asks him instead.
its voice was…different.
“what?” wifies stared at it.
not-hummer brushed its fingertip along the gash on wifies’s palm, and where it went, nothing followed.
a white mark where his teeth had punctured.
the thing stared right back at him. “it’s like you’re…trying to change what already happened.”
“i want him back.” he said, by way of answer.
not-hummer blinked in surprise. it’s eyes shift back and forth.
“you can’t have him back.” it says, not coldly, “he’s been mine long before he was ever yours.”
wifies sat in silence for a moment. “where is he?” he asked instead.
“i’m right here, wifies.” it says, “i’m right here.”
- · ─ ·☽𖤓☾· ─ · ·
sleep eluded him.
of course it fucking did.
the worst part of it all was he felt hummer’s absence like an open wound. seeing him had only made his desperation stronger. even if it wasn’t really him. at night, he stared at the moon. willed it to turn into that golden, glowing eye.
he refused to step outside. eventually, he’d run out of food, but he wouldn’t give levi his worship, his devotion. he didn’t want to reward it’s candor with anything other than vitriol. not now, anyway.
it was stupid really, the idea that he, a human, could punish a god in any way that mattered. like it didn’t have thousands of believers, or even then, that it would only have to wait a few days before he inevitably gave in.
oh, how he wanted to drown again. but he couldn’t. not without the fear that he’d have to speak with it.
alive, in person.
he wanted to ask for hummer back again. he gritted his teeth.
what other answer would it give him? what other shadow would he be presented with? the idea that it couldn’t give him hummer back…
however holy, however just, he couldn’t act like he believed it.
he scrunched his eyes. maybe, he needed to admit it. he had reached the pinnacle of it all. the edge of his despair. “i need him,” he said quietly, and his voice is ragged, salt-strung.
he needed hummer’s cold touch, his laugh. his punchy sense of humor. his obsessive cultivation. wifies let himself, for the first time, truly want.
⊹ ࣪ ﹏𓊝﹏𓂁﹏⊹ ࣪ ˖
he wasn’t dreaming anymore, he was sure of it. and yet, it had been dark for two days. and he was sure there was no moon. he gave up.
it was like he was guided by a ghost.
down the stairs, out the door, to the cold, damp place where the waves met the sand.
wifies walked in willingly.
⊹ ࣪ ﹏𓊝﹏𓂁﹏⊹ ࣪ ˖
drowning hurts, but was nothing comparatively to loss. which was why he tried again.
his health ticked down, his pulse stuttered, and as he finally, finally, started to feel nothing at all, the water around him went inky black.
there in front of him was the eye.
“i’m going to ask you one more goddamn time,” wifies said, bubbles rising in a steady stream.
“give me hummer back.”
it blinked. shifted. blinked again. it didn’t speak.
“please.”
someone struck him in the back of the head, and everything vanished.
- · ─ ·☽𖤓☾· ─ · ·
the first thing he was aware of was his hand in the sand. he was idly running his fingers across the grains, making patterns. his head pounded. wifies tried to crack open his eyes but it was so, so bright.
he groaned in pain, clawing his way up onto his elbows. he could hear the lapping of the waves nearby, and it was hot. so hot. he started to peel his sweatshirt off, blindly, but a sound interrupted him. there was a faint static sort of hum. light and tinny.
he forced his eyes open again, blinking and wiping the sand from his lashes, then, from his cheeks.
he turned toward the sound. laying beside him, on the beach, was hummer.
wifies startled, letting out a strangled gasp before toppling away from him. that- it couldn’t actually-
hummer watched him quietly, electronic eyes boring into him. he was stretched out, legs crossed, arms orderly.
hummer pressed his lips together, unreadable.
“i’m trying…” he said at last, “to…understand.”
wifies couldn’t make a sound. his lips were trembling. he could hear a faint chattering sound- was that his teeth? his breath was labored, like someone had punched him in the gut.
hummer watched him intently. “i don’t expect you to believe this, but i was…with him. i was him and he was me.” hummer furrowed his brow. “and i was happy. he was happy.” he looks up. “if he was- i don’t understand why i’m here.”
wifies swallowed hard. “i…” he cast around for the right word.
hummer waited.
“i-uh. i wanted you…here.” he finished lamely. he wished he could explain himself better.
hummer looked back up to the sky, soft brown hair haloed around him. he folded his hands together. rested them against his middle.
“why did levi agree?” hummer asked finally.
“what?” wifies responded, breathlessly.
“what did you say to him?” he looked to wifies again. “to make him let me go?”
a thousand words swam in his mind. justifications. candor. lies. he didn’t want to let you go. he refused at first. i wanted you back so bad. i can’t believe you’re here in front of me. i’m so fucking-
“i needed you.” wifies whispered at last.
hummer flinched, like someone had hit him, scrambling to sit up. “what?”
once he had started, the words wouldn’t stop. “i couldn’t pretend it was about…anything else anymore.” he swallowed. “with- with you gone.”
“oh,” hummer said, unreadable.
“i’m sorry,” wifies choked out. “i just…i was so mad. at it. at him. levi, i mean.” he bit his lip so hard it drew blood. he laughed at that, wild eyed.
“i thought you were gone, y’know that?”
hummer shook his head. “i-”
“i was so fucking angry. that he let me live and that you were dead. that he repaid your dedication, your…devotion…with nothing.”
“i-it wasn’t nothing!” hummer argued, display flashing red, then white and back again, “i was with him!”
“then you saw me!” wifies spat, eyes burning with unshed tears. “then you saw me struggling without you! pleading with the darkness to fucking-” he grabbed a fistful of sand and threw it at hummer with a snarl. “did you or did you not fucking see me? i was so fucking- lost without you!”
hummer scrubbed a hand across his face and growled, spitting out sand.
“fuck you, wifies! i had just gotten everything i ever wanted, and you can’t fucking blame me for-” wifies scrunched his face up and launched himself across the short distance between them with a shout, tackling hummer fullbodied to the ground.
he grabbed hummer by the shoulders and slammed him into the sand. “i can blame you for this!” he screamed bitterly, “why didn’t you fucking stay?”
hummer slapped him.
he stopped in his tracks, fingers still gripped hummer’s shirt.
“i had faith,” hummer stammers, breathing heavily. “but it wasn’t enough.” he pushed wifies softly, metal fingers splaying across his chest.
it’s like all of his anger fizzled out in that moment. all the wind gone from his sails, wifies sat back in the sand.
hummer shook his head. “wifies…” he said, reaching out for one of his hands, now lax on hummer’s collarbone. he softly brushed against the white scar on wifies’s palm.
wifies stared at it. he heard the ocean inside his head. he didn’t say anything.
“i was so…so happy. to be there. to be him. to be right.”
hummer looked guilty. “but,” he sighed. “i heard you. praying to him. to us. whatever. and i started to feel…” he fidgeted with wifies’s fingers. “i started to feel different. at first, we were one. we were whole. and then…i started to remember you.”
hummer looked back up to wifies. “i started to feel like hummer again. not just…not just…levi.”
he smiled, mirthlessly. “i think when i became hummer again, levi realized that there was maybe another- a different devotion. in me.”
he frowned, looking perplexed. “i started to feel angry, watching him toy with you, and there was this…pit opening up between us. like a rift. and levi saw it. and he knew that there was this…depth to it. i believed in him. i did. we both knew it.”
wifies swallowed, hard, covering hummer’s hand with his other hand. “i asked for you back.”
hummer sighed. “i heard. eventually. at first i didn’t want to leave, but levi…he wanted me back out.”
wifies shook his head, hot tears barreling down his cheeks. “hummer,” he whispered.
“and i…i wanted out too.”
wifies collapsed under the weight of those words, wrapping his arms around hummer as he choked out a sob.
“hummer,” he breathed, “don’t…make me fucking say it.”
“you’re…worth my devotion, too,” hummer whispered, softly, as if afraid. like the sea would swallow them both whole as a tithe. “i…am so fucking in love with you it made levi sick,” he laughed wetly.
wifies gave his own laugh at that, wiping his tears away on hummer’s shoulder. “fuck,” he sniffed.
“i mean it, wifies,” hummer insisted, “i could feel him!” wifies shoved hummer away from him, growing warm. “shuddup,” he whispered fondly.
hummer grabbed the side of his face, metal fingers tittering across his hot skin, burning beneath the tears. he studied wifies, interface flickering pink, then white, then blue. he tilted his head, bit his lip, clearly thinking.
“can i,” he asked softly, “um. can i kiss you?”
wifies felt his mind go blank. “uh-i mean. yeah. sure.” he swallowed hard.
hummer pressed gently into wifies’s space, breath ghosting across his lips before they connected. for a robot, wifies thought, hummer’s skin was so, so hot. soft and tactile, and so so real.
nothing, not a single dream had ever felt like this.
wifies let out a soft sound at the thought, and hummer seemed to drink it in, his metal hands unforgiving as he tightened his grip on the back of wifies’s neck.
something white hot and alive bloomed inside his lower belly. he let out a soft groan, and felt hummer do the same. oh god. hummer’s- tongue? fuck, hot and wet- wifies tightened his grip against hummer’s shirt, brushing lower, gripping at hummer’s belt-
hummer gasped into his mouth and it made him dizzy, suddenly feverish with want.
he blinked it away painfully, and he gently pushed away from the kiss.
hummer chased his lips for a fraction of a second, a low, quiet whine escaping his open mouth.
wifies stared, mouth watering. the image of hummer under him, flushed and pink at the cheeks under his freckles, interface flickering, was so vivid, so intoxicating, that wifies swallowed and filed it away for later. later.
hummer gripped at wifies’s hair at the base of his neck, but said nothing else, despite the want bubbling underneath his own skin so visibly. they both stared and breathed. alive.
wifies wordlessly climbed to his feet, ignoring the ache in his body, the sting in his cheeks.
he offered a hand to hummer.
hummer looked him up and down, licked his lips before taking it, furtively adjusting his belt and the fit of his slacks. wifies suppressed a laugh. he basked in the moment, sun on his face, hummer at his side.
he breathed out.
finally.
hummer intertwined their fingers. “i’m ready now,” he said softly. wifies raised an eyebrow. “for?” he cleared his throat, his voice embarrassingly rough. hummer cracked a smile at that, but didn’t say anything about it. “i’m ready to be yours,” he finished.
wifies rolled his eyes, thinking of every email hummer had sent him.
he didn’t comment on it, instead, just pulled hummer in for another kiss.