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-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-
The early stages of hanahaki leave the victim with chest pain and a mild cough with petals of the flower associated with their love.
-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-
On the 4th of January, Gwyn woke up to a sputter of coughs and lilac petals specked with blood by their bedside. They shifted their head to get a closer look at the purplish limbs.
The first thing they felt was fear, then confusion and then determination.
Fear because they knew, or at least thought they knew, what this meant. Gwyn had the fabled hanahaki disease - a disease where the victim has an unrequited love and would eventually choke on the flowers associated with their loved one unless the feelings could be reciprocated or they ended up suffocating to death.
Confusion because they weren't aware of any love towards anyone. Sure, they cared about their team but not in a romantic way! But then the more they really thought about it, lilacs… they thought of Ray. The flower assigned by the Watchers. They had always felt closer to Ray. It made sense.
Ray, the ginger man.
Oh my god.
The king?
Did they really love Ray in a way they started coughing up flowers for him?
Perchance.
Determination. Gwyn wouldn't succumb to this disease. No, they were stronger than that. Some cruel joke from the Watchers?
Watching them suffocate on flowers of all things?
No. It's just a challenge, they believed they could solve this.
Gwyn shifted in place, preparing to get up. They fumbled with their shoes. Is it worth telling the team? We're already stressed and it's just another thing to worry about. They plotted what the best course of action was.
They didn't want to start isolating themself from the team with some pointless secret and slowly go insane whilst dying. Maybe they could tell one of them and see how they take it?
I'll figure it out later.
It was a slow day, talking with the team, brief exploration, talking to those half dead freaks at the yellow car and tending to crops. They preferred a peaceful life like farming, but unfortunately the Watchers had other plans. Gwyn shook their head in anger, so stupid.
Farming was easy, it took their mind off their worries. Kat came to help in the afternoon. There wasn't much discussion between the two, just an easy silence. The kind of silence you could hold between friends with no expectations to keep a conversation going.
“Hey Gwyn?" Kat asked.
“Hm?” they responded.
“Do we have any potatoes?” Kat questioned. “Uhh- I don't know, maybe Mango or Ray does? If not, ask another team.” Gwyn answered.
Kat nodded “I’ll ask later, I need to harvest this wheat first.”.
It was peaceful. This was nice, until a sharp pain shot through Gwyn’s chest, reminding them of the fucking plant growing inside their lungs, wincing, they got up to get water. Kat didn't take much notice, too absorbed in tending to the wheat.
Everyone still had some minor injuries from a previous fight so it made sense not to worry too much.
Once inside the makeshift, rather ugly house, they downed a glass of water, sighed and coughed into their arm.
More petals.
Maybe Gwyn should tell someone.
Gwyn waited. They waited a couple days. They hated confrontational talks like this but they knew it had to be done.
The best approach would be as forward as they could be, they decided.
Short and sweet, straight to the point.
“Kat?” Gwyn semi-shouted. “Are you still out there?”
“Yeah, why?” Kat answered.
“Come here real quick, I think I should tell you something” Gwyn hesitated. Kat popped their head inside, with hints of concern in their features, Gwyn explained to them the situation.
“So, your stomach turned to the botanical lifestyle?” Kat said mockingly.
“I thought it was lungs?” Gwyn questioned.
"I think that's a common misconception, the flower grows from the stomach,” Kat replied.
“How do you know this?” Gwyn asked, raising an eyebrow. Kat paused, their eyes clouded with confusion, like they were trying to grasp a memory they couldn't reach.
Trying to catch a wisp of smoke with their hands.
“No idea.” They finally said, “Maybe I read it somewhere.” They shrugged it off nonchalantly.
Gwyn was one of the select few who knew they had a life before these sick games, before the Watchers selected them to participate in these horrors. They knew there were more like them, but they weren't sure if Kat was like that or blissfully unaware. Maybe it's best if they're unaware.
“So, who do you like?” Kat broke their train of thought.
“Enough to choke on flowers for, I mean”
“Well..” Gwyn started nervously.
“Can I guess?” Kat stated while their eyes lit up.
“Uh- sure?” Gwyn hesitated.
Kat put on a comedic thinking face, Gwyn suppressed a laugh. Looks stupid.
“Probably someone you're close to, are they on this team? No wait dont tell me! Narrows it down too much.." Kat pondered. “Not including allies.. who do you seem closest to.. Mango?”
Gwyn burst out laughing, “No way! That guy is a total simp!”
Kat grinned. “Okay.. assuming it's not me, I don't like you like that, no offence.”
“Mn, None taken” Gwyn responded with a slight laugh A few heartbeats passed before Kat asked “Is it Ray?”
Gwyn didn't say anything, instead they reached into their pocket and pulled out a fistful of purple petals.
Lilac petals.
Kat's eyes widened as they gasped. “So it's Ray?!”
Gwyn sheepishly nodded. Kat paused.
“Maybe I can help, we don't want you choking before this season gets good.” Gwyn wondered, maybe Kat could help.
-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-
during the middle stage of hanahaki the symptoms the recipient has are usually the roots and flowers growing larger, causing frequent, painful coughing fits
-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-
Something was wrong with Gwyn.
Ray had noticed over the past few weeks. He couldn't quite put his finger on it but he knew Gwyn was trying to hide it from the rest of them. Ray was trying to go about his day to day business as normal, hoping if it was anything serious, Gwyn would tell the team it was the right thing to do.
-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-
It had been three weeks. Kat is trying to help Gwyn's situation but it’s starting to feel hopeless. Gwyn's condition is only getting worse and the stress isn't helping.
They'd go into coughing fits more often and there's constant chest pain.
“Hey, how ya doing?” Kat had walked up to Gwyn without them realising. Either Kat unlocked ninja abilities or Gwyn was really distracted.
This isn't good. Gwyn thought.
A liability in a death game. “Fine as anyone can be coexisting with a disease from a fairytale” Gwyn replied sarcastically.
Kat sighed. “I used to be a plant owner, but my plants didn't live inside of me,” Kat said, trying to lift the mood.
Gwyn paused. “You say used to?”
“Yeah, I can't keep plants alive for shit.” Kat chuckled. Gwyn smiled before breaking off into a coughing fit.
“Uh, I did ask Ray if he wanted to just, well, y'know chill? Later.. obviously.” Kat started.
“I'm feeling pretty tired, I'll pass.” Gwyn yawned dramatically, hoping Kat would buy it. They nodded hesitantly.
They had lost hope that Ray might love them back but if Gwyn could get themself to fall out of love with Ray… would Gwyn be cured?
Would this god damn floral disease just.. be gone?
It was easier said than done, falling out of love with someone… but, maybe they could try.
How could one fall out of love..?
They went for a walk, maybe that could clear their head.
Think, what do you hate about Ray? They thought.
They stopped in the cherry forest. The pink petals flew lazily by their face, though Gwyn held a certain disdain for flowers as of recent events.
The warm breeze softly moved the creaking branches of the great trees around them. They looked around. Sunlight filtered through the covering above them casting shadows that danced on the ground.
What do I hate about Ray?
This wasn't the best spot to try and hate someone when you can only think of the positives around you. The quiet hum of surrounding nature and the soft floral scents made Gwyn feel at ease. Also the pandas that had apparently become native to the server? They shook that off.
Gwyn had to think really hard.
Well I hate how he's just so absent and like never home.
That's a start.
Stupid, like an absent family member only ginger and friendly.. warm and that stupid smile… and he's really funny…
Gwyn lowered themself to the ground and found it surprisingly comfortable with the cushioned layer of pretty pink petals beneath them. They laid back. This was nice, in the sunlight, stress free. Gwyn waited for something, but nothing happened, so they let themself relax.
Hours passed, until they heard soft footsteps approaching them.
“Gwyn?” a familiar voice.
Butterflies shot through them which quickly ebbed away.
“Ray? What are you doing here?” Gwyn asked casually.
“Looking for you! Where have you been all day? I asked Kat, they say you went for a walk hours ago, for all we know you could be dead!” Ray rambled but he still had that playful smile poking at the edges. Gwyn grinned to themself, “I'm fine, it's a quiet part of the server over here, I didn't think I'd be bothered by any.. hostile teams”
Ray didn't say anything, but he stepped closer and shuffled down beside them.
“I've been meaning to ask”
“Hm?” Gwyn hummed.
“How are you doing? I know everyone's stressed but you seem to be having it the worst..” Ray asked slowly.
They thought about this.
Ray was worried for them?
Has Gwyn been doing a worse job than initially thought at hiding the.. disease?
After a silent pause, Ray continued, “We're your team afterall, you can talk to us.” He nudged Gwyn's arm. They smiled and laughed it off. “I'm fine, just stress, nothing much” they chuckled.
Ray's eyes told them they didn't buy it, they were laced with concern. Gwyn’s tone evened, “It's nothing serious, don't worry.”
Ray turned away. Minutes pass.
"It's uh.. a good view from here” Ray commented, trying to break the awkward silence. His hand on his neck.
“Yeah.” Gwyn agreed.
“You can see the secret keeper and everything.” Ray continued with a half-hearted attempt at keeping the conversation. They fell back into silence, watching the server go about their daily lives. You could just barely see the yellow car from here, there was Lyall and Nellie, on horses. It was peaceful.
A sharper pain shot up Gwyn's chest. Worse than usual. They turned away from Ray into a coughing fit, covering their mouth with their hand.
"Gwyn?” Ray asked, concern tipping his voice. The coughing sounded bad. It looked bad.
After what felt like a painful, chest racking millenia, it stopped. “I'm fine,” Gwyn quietly said with a faint rasp tainting their voice. Ray's face was filled with worry. his teammate had some.. sickness?
Gwyn imagined that was what he was thinking.
“I'm fine.” They added, stronger. “Just intense allergies.”
They shrugged it off. It was a horrible lie. Gwyn had never been the best liar but damn that was rough.
Ray considered this but he didn't take it. “Because hacking up a lung is definitely allergies.” He mumbled.
Gwyn pretended not to hear this.
Back at the base, Gwyn went back to the farm. doing something with their hands as a distraction.
Ray isn't an idiot, he knows something is up. They thought.
They sighed. Shortly after, Kat came out to join them. They offered a small smile as a greeting and knelt down. They both worked steadily on perfecting the farm.
Kat cleared their throat.
“Ray was asking me something earlier.” Gwyn looked up.
“About what?”
“He asked if I knew that you were sick”
Kat had Gwyn's full attention, “What did you say?”
“I didn't know what to say. I want to respect your wish of not causing stress but.. I think he deserves to know.. and the rest of the team. We can figure it out," Kat sighed.
Gwyn stayed silent and considered their options.
They could tell the team and maybe, just maybe, find an alternative cure.
The only known cure however is the person you love returning your feelings, though there are ways to stall the spread of the disease. In some myths, the victim gets surgery to remove the plant in itself, but that could remove the ability to love entirely. Gwyn didn't want that, and not like they could get the surgery if they wanted, the server as of right now was rather… Let's say.. primitive. To find someone as skilled enough to pull it off would be near impossible and to get a sterile environment? No chance.
On the other hand, Gwyn could keep the secret between them and Kat and hoped the Watchers were kind and things went well. Although, knowing Gwyn's luck… It wouldn't. Gwyn sighed, accepting defeat.
“I’ll tell them.” Kat looked up, relief glittering in their eyes.
“I can help, you know… ease the situation.” Gwyn smiled in gratitude toward their teammate.
-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-
You made flowers grow inside me and although they are beautiful I cannot breathe.
- ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-
Ray knew he was about to figure out what's been up with Gwyn when they had finally called a team meeting. He knew it was something serious.
Allergies? My ass!
Ray approached Kat and Gwyn as they sat on fallen logs outside their makeshift ‘castle’. Mango followed behind him shortly.
“So.. why did you call a team meeting all of a sudden?” Mango asked, oblivious to what had been going on. Probably too busy mulling over that ‘angel’ in brown hair he keeps dreaming about.
Kat shifted in their place. Gwyn looked at them anxiously.
They started “Do you guys.. have you guys heard anything about hanahaki… disease?” Gwyn gulped.
Ray froze.
Out of everything he thought he would hear that wasn't one of them.
He didn't want to hear what was next.
“A what now?” Mango asked, confused.
Ray stepped back.
Wasn't that made up?
Some mythology..?
“That made up disease?” Ray asked tentatively. Gwyn nodded slowly. Kat looked away from the group, pretending to ignore what was unfolding before them. Gwyn elbowed them and Kat promptly cleared their throat.
“Well it turns out it isn't made up!” They did jazz hands at the end of this statement in a weak attempt to lighten the mood.
Mango looked completely lost.
Ray was in shock. He blinked and then asked “So.. which one of you has it then?”
Although he could already guess the answer. Kat turned away and Gwyn had that guilty look.
Ray sat down, trying to process.
Gwyn had Hanahaki disease.
Hanahaki, which BY THE WAY is a myth but is somehow real in this… this corrupted world??
Mango also took a seat but still looked confused.
“What are we talking about?” he asked.
“Hanahaki is a disease where the recipient will slowly choke on flowers until they suffocate unless whoever they love returns their feelings” Kat quickly explained. Mango nodded, the look of confusion still pooled in his eyes.
“So Gwyn.. who do you like then?” Ray asked nervously. Gwyn let out a shaky breath and reached into their pocket to grab a fistful of petals.
Lilac petals.
Gwyn liked Ray.
Gwyn loved Ray.
Ray did not love Gwyn back.
He stared at the petals in Gwyn's shaky hand. Mango also seemed to piece it together.
“So what do you say?” Kat nervously asked. They were clearly also feeling the stress of this.
“Kat, did you know about this?” Ray asked, avoiding the question. Kat nodded subtly. Ray looked up at Gwyn.
“Why didn't you tell us sooner?” Gwyn's face burned with guilt and shame. Ray was at a loss for words. His own teammate kept the fact that they were dying a secret.
They didn't think it was important enough to let the rest of the team know? Everyone fell silent.
“Gwyn, I'm sorry but-” Ray was cut off.
“It’s fine, I already know, if you did love me I wouldn't be suffocating slowly.” Gwyn tried to add humour into their tone but failed leaving a grim uneasiness to settle upon the four.
“So.. is that everything you wanted to say..” Mango was deep in thought.
“Ray, could you, like, force yourself to love Gwyn?” Mango asked like he just invented the greatest idea in history. Ray looked at him with an expression that tried to convey 'No Mango unfortunately thats not how it works'.
“I don't want them to die.” he added in a small voice. Rays eyes rounded with sympathy.
“None of us do!” Kat interjected.
“But, it's not that simple, making yourself love someone.” Kat continued, an exhausted look on their face.
Guilt washed over Ray.
It was his fault Gwyn was going to die.
Why did he not love Gwyn?
Could he make himself love Gwyn?
He dug his palms into his face and groaned.
This was too much.
-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-
In a beautiful bloodied pile of petals I fear it will be the death of me.
-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-
The next few days were ridiculously awkward for Gwyn. They knew Ray felt guilty about them loving him. Their head hurt from thinking about this, they didn't want Ray to force himself to love them, they didn't want to die a slow painful death, and most importantly they didn't want to let the Watchers win.
It's all part of their sick and twisted game, all for entertainment.
It made Gwyn nauseous to think about.
What also made Gwyn nauseous was the thought that a fucking lilac had made it's home inside of them and it was tearing them apart, inside out.
Hanahaki disease made it so you don't have a choice, you have to try. You can’t just sit. It removes the free will of the situation.
Gwyn hated that, it felt claustrophobic.
They were suffocating, literally and figuratively.
Gwyn had almost finished their secret task when suddenly the person they least expected to appear, showed up.
Lyall.
“Lyall?”
“Hey, sorry I haven't been around for the past 3 weeks. I was busy riding horses with Nellie.” She replied casually.
“Oh, okay cool, I'm dying by the way.” Gwyn responded half jokingly.
“Is that a joke or what?” Lyall asked, setting her things down on the desk.
“Meh, just sort of choking on flowers, no big deal, hope you had fun on the horses.” Gwyn replied coolly. Lyall was part of their team, though it didn't feel like it with how absent she was.
Always hanging around those yellow car weirdos, riding undead horses. Gwyn rolled their eyes.
“I see,” Lyall murmured. She put a hand to her chin.
“Like hanahaki?”
“Yeah” Gwyn sighed.
“Cool.” Lyall said nonchalantly.
She pulled out a small, leather notebook and started writing something down.
“What are you writing?” Gwyn asked.
“Taking that idea of hanahaki for my OCs, tuff lore.” she smirked.
Gwyn nodded.
It felt nice to not have someone constantly have that uneasy feeling that both parties were aware of. It was a change. But they also knew that Lyall didn't care too much about this in general.
After she had taken a brief note in her leather notebook, she promptly shut it and waved goodbye.
“Going back to ride horses with Nellie, see you next month!” She blew a mocking kiss as a goodbye and quickly ran down the hill.
“Probably won't be here next month” Gwyn muttered under their breath. Gwyn set out of the muddy base and headed for the Secret Keeper to hand in their task.
Maybe the Keeper would be so generous and grant me a wish instead of goodies? they wondered as they trudged through the long grass towards the looming structure.
Once they had made it, they approached the three buttons and quickly scanned for the one that read ‘SUCCEED’. Gwyn claimed their rewards of an end crystal, 8 obsidian, and some iron which they quickly pocketed. They felt a presence behind them, someone approaching. They turned around only to be met with a pair of unreadable red eyes.
“Hi Gwyn” Ray greeted slowly.
Gwyn ducked their head and moved out the way, assuming he had come here to submit a task.
“Oh no, I failed my task earlier,” Ray laughed. Gwyn liked his laugh. They stifled a smile.
"I’m here to talk to you” Ray continued with an unusual look Gwyn didn't recall seeing Ray have before.
-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-
People ride off into the sunset, but then they're left walking in the dark.
-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-
Ray had a plan. He couldn't love Gwyn, but maybe he could convince Gwyn he did.
It wasn't a well thought out plan but Ray was going to try everything to save his teammate.
He couldn't think of an after if Gwyn really died.
What would that even be like? No, he was going to save his friend, one way or another.
His current plan was to go up to Gwyn and profess his love, saying he was too nervous to talk to them earlier in front of the whole team.
Hopefully, Gwyn would believe it, people believe lies if they desperately want them to be true.
"I’m here to talk to you.” Ray told Gwyn in front of the Secret Keeper. Gwyn looked puzzled.
“Okay..” Gwyn thought carefully about their words.
“What did you want to talk about?”
Ray glanced around, “Not here, anyone can walk in.”
He took Gwyn's hand and took them to a place that was quiet.
The cherry grove, Gwyn had said themselves that they found this part of the server quieter and away from all the commotion, it made sense that this would be the best place for a love confession.
When Ray came to a stop Gwyn was still looking confused. “Why did we come all the way out here?”
They glanced around warily.
Okay here goes nothing.
“Here's the thing, Gwyn,” He gripped Gwyn's hand tighter, hopefully not enough to threaten circulation. Their eyes widened and a blush tinted their cheeks.
“I-I was too scared to say it yesterday with the team, but..” Ray glanced nervously, desperately trying to sell the act of a nervous lover who had come to the sudden realisation of his overwhelming feelings.
Gushy, I know.
He tried to force a blush to his face.
Did it work?
Ray wasn't sure.
“I love you!” he said louder than intended.
Gwyn looked at Ray, searched his face. They didn't say anything. The world around them slowed down, the petals flowed down in slow motion. Gwyn's face flushed, but their expression was glum.
Oh no, I messed up. Ray started to worry.
“Ray,” Gwyn started.
Oh shit I messed up.
He could hear in the tone of Gwyn's voice that Gwyn knew it was fake.
Gwyn wouldn't believe another confession even if Ray sharpened up his acting skills.
“Don’t force yourself to love me.” Gwyn sighed. They glanced around playfully before adding “That was also like the worst confession I've ever seen.”
“W-what? No! My love for you is true!” Ray tried desperately. He knew it wouldn't work but at least it would draw some of the awkwardness out of the situation.
Gwyn rolled their eyes.
“Fine, look” Ray dropped the act.
“I don’t want you to die, but I don't think I can love you.” Ray sounded like he was pleading to whoever was listening, Gwyn, the Watchers, just let his teammate live.
Please.
Gwyn's eyes rounded sympathetically, “It's not your fault.”
“But it is! I'm just so handsome you had to fall for me!” Ray sobbed, throwing the back of his left palm to his forehead for dramatic flair, having a half hearted attempt at a joke.
At least Gwyn laughed.
It was a nice laugh, at least they could keep good spirits during whatever curse this was.
Ray felt a little bit better knowing he could still make Gwyn laugh.
A small pink petal drifted in the wind and landed on top of Gwyn and Ray’s still interlinked hands, it was soft, delicate.
“Oh, I should-” Ray dropped Gwyn's hand.
“Yeah,” Gwyn laughed. Ray sighed.
“I know this is a stupid question, but do you think you'll be okay when the time comes?”. Ray was looking at Gwyn, ready to dissect their reaction.
“I'm not dying tomorrow!” Gwyn laughed.
Ray looked at them, “When the time comes?”.
A small pause hung in the air as Gwyn thought about this.
“When the time comes, I'm not sure. Hopefully mercy blessed me with somebody who kills me quickly before I have to suffocate on this thing.” Gwyn said solemnly.
And that was... one of the saddest things Ray had ever heard.
Tears threatened to spill.
Ray didn't want to accept this.
One of his closest friends.
He pulled Gwyn in for a hug and let the tears come.
He sobbed into their shoulder. Gwyn should be the one crying, they have to go through this. He scolded himself for being so selfish.
He sadly laughed between sobs. This was it and he had to accept it it seemed.
He was taller than Gwyn so it was kind of awkward leaning down but he made it work. Gwyn wrapped their arms around Ray, comforting him. It should've been the other way around.
-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-
I taste lilac and unrequited dreams everytime you smile at me. -ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-
Gwyn knew what Ray was saying was a lie. They could see it in his face, in his eyes. Ray had love and care in his eyes, but Gwyn knew it wasn't the love they wanted him to so desperately to return.
So when Ray came to Gwyn to profess his love, Gwyn knew it was too good to be true.
How I wish I could let myself be selfish enough just to believe his confession. What would happen after that though? Would Ray keep up the lie..?
Gwyn shook the thoughts out of their head.
No.
They'd be cured if they really believed Ray loved them, not like this. As much as they wished they could believe it was real.
Gwyn knew however much Ray tried to convince them he loved them that they wouldn't find it in them to believe it.
They couldn't, because now that Ray knows about this god forsaken illness, Gwyn knows he'll try anything to cure this.
They don't want Ray to force himself to love them or live his life in a lie.
That's no way to live.
Lying to yourself.
Gwyn returned to the ‘castle’ later on only to be met with solitude, no teammates in sight.
Shortly, they were met with a racking coughing fit. Their body convulsed as petals slid up their throat.
It hurt, really hurt.
Are you sure the flower is in the stomach Kat? Because it sure hurts like hell around my lungs. They thought bitterly.
More lilacs.
Stupid stupid lilacs.
Gwyn groaned. Even if they did survive, they wouldn't look at these stupid flowers the same ever again.
Falling out of love with Ray?
Not possible.
Fall out of love.
Gwyn didn't know if they could do it. Would that even cure them?
This was all too much to think about and with pressing conflicts with the other teams, Gwyn just wanted to rest. A nice, long, undisturbed sleep. Maybe someone would kiss a blessing to them and they'd be cured once they woke up.
Laughable.
Gwyn woke up, it felt like hours had passed. What time was it? How long did they sleep?
“Oh, Gwyn! You're awake,” Kat noticed.
“Hey Kat,” Gwyn was all groggy from however long they napped for. They shifted positions on the bed to a more upright, sitting pose. Carefully moving the cotton blanket out the way.
“How ya feeling?” Kat asked.
“Alright,” Gwyn replied. Kat studied them briefly and nodded, concluding that it seemed truthful enough.
“Well, I got you some pork chops,” They handed Gwyn the slabs of greyish meat.
“Mm delicious” Gwyn replied sarcastically. They tried not to grimace. Kat chuckled.
“Hey Gwyn!” Mango walked in.
“You won't believe who I saw last night!” He adds excitedly.
Gwyn rolls their eyes. They could already guess.
“That girl! She's so funny! I don't know why she keeps coming to me but wow! Is this what it feels to love?” Mango continues, adding the last part as a semi joke. His eyes sparkled at the thought of her.
Gwyn knew who Mango was talking about all too well, a member of these games, Grace. For some reason the Watchers had taken pity upon her and decided not to put her through this season. Though Gwyn wasn't sure if it was ‘pity’ to be trapped in an indefinite limbo, only able to talk to your soulmate through dreams. Gwyn didn't think Mango remembered what happened before the newest round so they never mentioned Grace, leaving Mango to think she was some angel haunting his dreams. The soulmate bond remained however, proving that even different planes didn't break what they had.
-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-
My lungs would grow flowers for you, but you don't love me enough to understand.
-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-
Ray's plan had failed. Dread filled him. He was a terrible actor. He needed time to think. How could he convince Gwyn he loved them?
They didn't have much time left, Ray knew this and he felt the stress starting to weigh him down.
Think, Ray. There has to be something you can do.
Ray's mind was close to short circuiting when he had an idea. It was a horrible plan really and it could go wrong in so many ways but Ray had to try.
It's a sick game of trial and error, if one thing doesn't work, Ray will keep going and try another.
“Gwyn?” Ray called out into the castle. A bleak silence followed.
No one's home.
Maybe they're out exploring? Ray went inside and sat down. On the floor were more purple petals and faint spatters of crimson.
Oh Gwyn.
“Gwyn?” He found himself back in the cherry grove.
“Ray?”
“Kat? what are you doing here?" Ray asked.
“Gwyn said it's a peaceful spot over here so I thought I'd spend some time to relax,” they responded calmly. The pink petals fluttered around the pair.
“Have you seen Gwyn?"
“Pretty sure they went out to talk to the other teams” Ray nodded.
Ray found Gwyn where he least expected them. It seemed like a private conversation between Bean and Gwyn. Bean was one of the people that lived under the yellow car.
He was a bit strange.
Ray knew it was rude to eavesdrop on stuff like this but he couldn't help it. He was ridiculously nosy and he knew it.
“Okay, so we have a bomb in our car,” Bean started, he did some silly motions with his hands as he explained a betrayal plan against his team.
Ray didn't trust him.
Gwyn nodded, “and what do you need me for?” they asked simply.
"Well I'm gonna need somewhere to go afterwards, I just need help setting off the bomb.” Bean shrugged like it was obvious.
Bomb? Trap? Betrayal? What on earth?
He continued listening.
“Okay, so you still pretend to hate me and I still pretend to hate you but we're secretly working together?” Gwyn put their hand to their chin.
Bean nodded.
This plan sounded like it sucked, what were the chances the bomb is a dud and Gwyn’s just being used and ends up getting hurt instead?
Very likely.
Ray decided to reveal himself from the berry bushes to stop whatever exchange was happening before him.
“Ray? what are you doing here?” Gwyn asked, panic edging their voice. Bean's eyes widened.
“I think I should go. Talk later.” The pair watched Bean leave the clearing.
“How much did you hear?” Gwyn hissed once they knew Bean had fully left.
“You weren't exactly quiet about it,” Ray teased.
“I heard all of it… but I don't think you should do it.” his voice held a darker note. Gwyn raised an eyebrow.
“It's a botched plan, I think Beans is just using you to end up betraying.” Ray expressed.
They sighed.
“I didn't think it was really worth agreeing to anyways, with recent developments. Nothing to truly benefit me.” Gwyn murmured.
Heartbeats of silence pass.
A hacking cough tore through the peace. Ray knew what he had to do. He was going to save his friend.
He had to. “
I did spend half my day searching for you, cmon” Ray tugs on Gwyn's sleeve gently.
Gwyn smiled.
“Are you gonna try confessing your love again? I don't think even a toddler would believe that confession you attempted." They laughed.
Ray hummed in response, “You'll see.”.
Ray had taken Gwyn to the cherry grove. He knew Gwyn would be comfortable here so it should be the perfect spot for what he was about to do.
“Go on Ray, seduce me with your amazing acting skills” Gwyn rolled their eyes and laughed. Ray chuckled a bit before straightening himself out, bracing for what he was going to do.
“No, this time I'm being for real,” Ray insisted.
Gwyn blinked.
They had a look on their face that Ray couldn't read. It wasn't a particularly positive look, he must admit.
Well I might as well try, all about trial and error.
Ray cupped his hands on Gwyn's face and pecked a small kiss on their lips.
He pulled his head back to see Gwyn's reaction. They had a small pink flush to their face and wide eyes but Ray could tell they weren't convinced.
Maybe I will try again?
Ray leant in and kissed them. He held it for longer this time, not a peck. He could feel Gwyn kiss him back.
Did it work?
The kiss was soft, slow, unsure.
He felt like he was trapped in this sweet bubble with Gwyn, relishing the moment.
Ray had learnt something today, something unexpected: kissing Gwyn felt nice.
He swears he could almost see sparkles in the air. Ray pulled back reluctantly and his hands left Gwyn's face.
“Say something,” he breathed.
Gwyn’s eyes fell and something clouded over them.
“It's not real.” Gwyn choked out. It didn't hit Ray instantly what Gwyn had told him, he hadn't quite processed what had happened in the past 5 minutes to actually be real.
Oh.
Ray had failed.
Again.
Damn it.
Damn it damn it damn it.
He didn't know what to do. He pulled Gwyn in for a hug. He wanted to comfort his friend but he also felt he needed this for himself. This time Gwyn sobbed into his shoulder. Salty wet drops landed on Ray's shoulder. He could feel Gwyn's shaky hands clutch his back.
This was awful. Gwyn didn't deserve this.
-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-
During the full bloom stage of Hanahaki, the victim has severe wheezing, chest pain and starts coughing up full flowers.
-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-
On January 6th, Kat learned a horrifying truth about their teammate: Gwyn had Hanahaki disease, a deadly disease where one experiences unrequited love and will suffocate on flowers unless the feelings are returned.
Kat hadn't believed it to be true at first but the evidence was disproving.
Their first emotion was fear, then it was empathy and finally, they held compassion.
Fear because they knew what this meant for their teammate. Gwyn was going to die a slow, painful death unless they could get Ray to reciprocate their feelings, love them back.
Empathy because Kat knew Gwyn was a kind-hearted soul. They didn't deserve this sadistic form of torture.
And finally compassion, because Kat knew they had to at least try to help Gwyn and get Ray to love them.
Or at least let Gwyn believe that Ray did. Whatever it took to save their teammate, they had to try.
6 weeks ago Kat learned the truth.
They didnt like the truth, it was unnerving, but Kat promised Gwyn they'd try to help however they could.
And so they have.
They've been trying to create situations where it's just Gwyn and Ray but it doesn't seem to work.
Kat had eventually convinced Gwyn to tell the rest of the team and to their surprise, Gwyn listened. Time was running out though, that was obvious.
Gwyns getting worse.
They've started wheezing and the coughing fits are more frequent.
They've started coughing up full flowers, not just petals.
Kat knew they were wrong about it being in the stomach, it was obvious now, they had to be proven wrong in the worst way.
They sat there, on the roof of the small makeshift castle, composed of rocks, dirt and stray wood planks. It wasn't much of a place but it was home to Kat.
They sat there, basking in the afternoon sun, thinking of ways to fix this horrible mess.
Why couldn't things go back to the way they were before? When they had just started? … started...? Started what?
Why didn't Kat remember anything before meeting in front of the Secret Keeper those many weeks back?
What was before then?
Kat thought about it, really thought about it.
A blurry image of a bright, desolate landscape painted with various shades of grey and blue. Faint laughter muffled into the distance. Abstract shapes.
Pain stabbed Kat's head. They let out a small gasp.
Their train of thought is broken.
Jesus. Don't think about the times before then. Gosh.
Kat shifted their position to be more comfortable. They sighed. They just feel so powerless against this whole situation. Kat spent a while up there, wondering, thinking, planning until they saw two figures start up the hill.
Is that Ray and Gwyn?
Kat eyed them as they made their way towards the base.
“Then he did the one thing I never expected, the one thing I feared.” Gwyn ranted as they tended to the crops. Kat had been pulled aside by Gwyn to talk after them and when Ray had returned, they wondered what this could be about.
Ray had volunteered to gather more wood which left just the two of them at the base.
“He kissed me.” Kats head shot up.
“What?!”
“Twice.”
Kat was in disbelief.
Did Ray love Gwyn?
Why does Gwyn seem so sad about it?
"So.. what does this mean?”
Gwyn shook their head sadly. Kat knew whatever Ray tried to do didn't work.
“I don't believe he truly would love me, he knows I'm dying and Ray is the type of person to do anything to help his friends.” Gwyn sighed.
“And you need to believe he loves you to be cured..” Kat put it together slowly.
“I didn't want him to force himself to love me, I knew he only kissed me because he wants me to live. It sucks. That's why I was scared.” Gwyn continued quietly. Kat nodded sadly. Gwyn picked at the crops before quietly adding
“He.. he is a pretty good kisser though” Gwyn cracks a joke. At least they've still got their humour.
-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-
Loving you is the most exquisite form of self destruction.
-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-
Gwyn felt awful. Not just physically, although that was getting pretty bad. No, Gwyn felt awful mentally.
They knew Ray blamed themself and they felt awful about this.
It felt like the team was slowly falling apart, not only where the roots were twisting around inside them, tearing Gwyn apart, it was also driving their teammates into worry and fear.
Gwyn didn't want them to worry.
Gwyn knew they were going to die and they accepted it. It was awful knowing the Watchers had their way, choosing what Gwyn does, desperately chasing after someone for the Watchers' own form of sick and twisted entertainment.
In recent days, the server had descended to chaos, people were dying.
Jelly had died.
Gwyn didn't know Jelly very well but they still felt remorse over her death. They knew Jelly was with Grace now.
Indefinite, empty limbo.
It sucks there.
A few others had died in conflict, though Gwyn didn't remember anyone throwing names around. Maybe they only talked about Jelly because she was the first to go.
No matter, Gwyn would be with them soon.
Eternal limbo.
A place trapped between reality and the afterlife. The veil.
Gwyn knew they had really died in whatever world they had come from. They were stuck, trapped in these games as a punishment? Maybe.
As real as these soft cushioned petals feel, they aren't real. This is just an extension to limbo, crafted by the Watchers so they can watch us and not die of eternal boredom.
Gwyn didn't want to die here.
Gwyn quite liked this part of the veil, and yet here they were, slowly suffocating.
They twiddled their fingers.
They hadn't been able to get out of the castle much but on the rare occasion they did, they found themself wandering to the cherry grove.
Maybe they liked it here because of the solitude or maybe they liked it because it reminded them of the kiss.
The kiss.
The one they were selfish enough to let themself fall into.
Gwyn brought their palms to their face and sighed a raspy breath.
Was this really how they were to spend their last few days? Sleeping, sitting in the cherry grove, avoiding Ray?
Gwyn brought their knees to their face, crossed their arms and buried their face in them. It's so warm here.
If I choked now, I wouldn't even be mad, it's nice here.
A harsh coughing fit broke Gwyn from their blissful trail of thoughts. It racked their whole body, the intense pain. They coughed, and coughed.
More lilacs.
They were beautiful.
Gwyn smiled.
They reminded Gwyn of Ray, oh Ray.
They'd miss Ray once they pass on.
-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-
As the flowers continue to grow, the world goes black… and there I go.
-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-
2 months ago, Ray would've never thought he'd be standing here in front of Gwyn with a blood stained blade in his hand, prepared to kill one of his closest friends.
The Secret Keeper loomed over the pair, like the Watchers waiting for the final kill. Gwyn held their diamond sword in their hand, Ray could see it shaking. He bet he was shaking too.
“We're the last people left.” Ray murmured to Gwyn who had somehow, despite everything, lasted this long.
“How cruel is that?” Ray added.
He knew Gwyn was in pain, they looked awful, like they hadn't slept in weeks. Gwyn's eyes met his, their eyes showed sorrow.
“Gwyn, I haven't been completely honest.” Ray said.
Gwyn looked at him with that same look.
Ray wasn't going to spout lies but he knew he couldn't convince Gwyn otherwise, if Gwyn truly wanted to believe Ray could never love them, then so be it. Ray still had to tell them.
“We've always been closer,” he started. Gwyn sighed.
“You tried this before,” they laughed weakly.
“Just listen.” Ray paused. “Please.”
A few heartbeats pass before Gwyn nods.
“I don’t love you Gwyn, I'm not here to try to convince you otherwise, but I do think I like you.” Ray turned his face away. He dropped his blade, it landed with a clatter on the hard rocky ground.
“I like you Gwyn.” Ray pleaded softly. Gwyn shook their head.
“Stop lying Ray.”
“I’m not.”
He turned his head to face Gwyn. Gwyn didn't say anything. He looked into Gwyn's eyes, trying to figure out what they could possibly be thinking in the swirling purples of their iris. Time slowed down around them. Ray could almost hear the voices chanting kill them, kill them.
Ray didn't want to.
Ray cared for Gwyn but it wasn't enough. He took a few steps forward. Gwyn collapsed into his arms, hugging Ray.
“I'm sorry, I didn't want this to happen.” Gwyn choked out.
“I don't think anyone does,” Ray assured them.
“The way things have happened, I-I didn't want it to be this way.”
“I know it would've been more convenient if I died, you would be here, the victor.” Gwyn sobbed into Ray's shoulder.
“Don’t say that.”
Ray had started crying too, hearing Gwyn sound so sad and so sure it would be better if they'd died a few weeks back made Ray angry.
“It's not fair.” Ray cried.
His grip tightened around Gwyn. The embrace was filled with tears and hurt.
Gwyn pulled out from the hug, and looked at Ray one last time with sad eyes.
“You deserve to win,” they whispered. Ray stilled. He shook his head, he couldn't accept this.
“Gwyn, stop. Let's spend this last day together. We don't have to do this.” Ray pleaded.
“We don't have to do what they want.”
Gwyn considered this. They went quiet and eventually, they slowly nodded. Relief shot through the Ray. Gwyn had to win. Ray put his hand to Gwyn's face. “Is it okay..?” Ray asks, carefully pushing their hair behind their ears.
Hesitation.
“Do you want this?” Gwyn asks. Ray didn't expect that answer.
Ray wanted to kiss Gwyn, to make up for all the times he hurt them but he knew it wouldn't be enough. He still nodded.
Selfish. Hah.
He leant in and kissed them.
Ray kissed Gwyn.
Ray really liked kissing Gwyn, it felt natural, like everything had led up to this moment.
Ray wished he loved Gwyn so everything would be okay. He didn't know if he could love Gwyn.
He liked Gwyn.
They kissed Ray back and Ray closed his eyes. A soft wind blew around them, picking up stray leaves. It would've been a magical moment if it wasn't for the dark times that lay ahead that Ray was constantly reminded of.
Were the voices angry?
He could still hear them chant to kill them but it was quieter now, like they were observing the sad scene in front of them.
Maybe Ray did love Gwyn, how would he be able to tell?
What's the difference?
Would Ray have to start choking on flowers just to convince Gwyn?
He wondered so many things yet the main thing he could focus on is him kissing Gwyn and how he could almost forget about the cruel world.
After what felt like years of bliss, they pulled away from each other.
“I'm sorry about everything Gwyn.” Ray started. Gwyn shook their head.
“The past is in the past, I don't think it really matters in the current situation.” They rasped.
Gosh, Ray really fucking hated flowers.
Ray took the small blade he had kept with him in his pocket, he braced himself for he knew what he had to do.
-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-
The person you were one year ago is so different to the person you are now.
-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-
Gwyn loved kissing Ray.
They were selfish but they knew these were their last moments and they should savour it. Ray said he wanted this. Ray said he liked them, did Gwyn believe this?
They weren't sure.
Gwyn pulled back and looked into Ray's eyes, they saw compassion shining back.
“I'm sorry about everything Gwyn” Ray started. Tears were still sliding down the younger boy's face. Gwyn shook their head.
“The past is in the past, I don't think it really matters in the current situation.” Gwyn's voice sounded awful. It hurt to speak but they had to.
“I'm sorry,” Ray pulled Gwyn in for a final hug when the sound of skin being pierced rang true.
Gwyn awaited the stabbing sensation but none came, they pushed Ray off them to examine what had happened. Dread filled them with what they saw. Gwyn hadn't been the one that met the blade.
Ray had stabbed himself in the heart. A fatal wound that there's no coming back from in this world. He stumbled backwards clumsily, still holding onto the knife he had plunged into himself. Red, shiny liquid oozed out of the wound, slowly dripping down on his torso.
“Ray!” Gwyn gasped as they rushed to grab him. Ray winced as he pulled the knife inside himself out. He winced, sucking air through his teeth.
“You idiot.” Gwyn was furious.
Why would Ray do this?
They were the one dying, not him!
They lowered his body to the ground. The Watchers were surely enjoying this bittersweet moment.
Nauseating.
Gwyn felt sick.
Ray had stabbed himself to save them, and for what? Gwyn was going to die not long after. It didn't matter what happened, Gwyn didn't deserve to win.
They hated this.
“Ray please.” Gwyn pleaded. Ray looked at them. kindness in his eyes. Gwyn loved Ray for many reasons, they loved Ray because he was selfless.
God damnit he was selfless.
Ray did not love Gwyn and yet Ray had killed himself to save Gwyn. It was a selfless act of compassion.
“I think,” Ray started.
Hic.
Blood was pooling around Ray. They were both covered in the hot, sticky mess. Gwyn didn't care. It stained Ray's clothes a dark crimson colour that Gwyn desperately wished away.
Gwyn heard Ray continue, what they heard next was something they never thought they would hear.
“Gwyn.”
“Yeah?”
“Please listen.” Ray begged weakly.
Gwyn couldn't do anything but listen.
“I'm right here.” They tried to comfort Ray by gripping onto his hand. Even if it was on purpose, dying is still a unique thing. It's scary, people need comfort to pass on or else they'll be going with fear and loneliness. Dying alone was a deep rooted fear most people had and Gwyn wanted to make sure Ray knew he wasn't alone.
“I love you.” Ray smiled. Ray did not love Gwyn, or so Gwyn thought. Gwyn was so sure of this fact up until now, seeing Ray before them, with love and compassion, everything Gwyn loved about Ray, in his eyes. The good, the bad, everything. Gwyn shook their head and laughed a sad laugh.
“Ray, are you really gonna try that again?” they wheezed, and yet, despite Gwyn's words, even if Ray did lie, Gwyn believed him.
Maybe it was selfish.
Maybe it was them realising the truth.
The only thing Gwyn knew for certain was that Ray was dying. They held onto Ray like a lifeline, begging what had happened to not be true. They begged silently to swap places, let Ray live, let Ray win. It wasn't possible. Gwyn held onto Ray's hand as his breathing slowed down to an eventual stop.
Silence.
Nothing but the faint breeze, the grass swaying and bugs chirping, unaware of the tragedies that had befallen on this day.
-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-
PROLOGUE
Ray had killed himself.
Did he save Gwyn?
He sure as hell hoped he did.
He lay there, in a pool of his own thick, red blood on a nearly empty server. He knew he wasn't alone. Gwyn was beside him hushing comforts that Ray couldn't focus on, they merely blended into the background hum of the nature surrounding him.
He watched the sun set before himself. The rays of colour danced across the sky, stretching far beyond what he could see. He'd miss the sunset. It was beautiful.
You can always guarantee the sun will rise tomorrow, same with the sun setting but can you really be sure you'll be there to witness it?
There's no definite answer. Mortal beings are dispensable, they come and go and yet the world keeps spinning.
Ray had many regrets but he knew it was far too late to fix anything.
He lay there, his vision slowly going blurry as he sat, watching the sun set for the final time.
-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-
Romance only comes into existence where love is fatal, frowned upon and doomed by life itself.
-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-