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The Mystery of the Counseling Room

Summary:

What really happened between Dottore and Pantalone when Capitano saw the two of them leave the counseling room floor late at night?

Notes:

This is stupid and written on a whim. Little details don't matter (to me at least) but if it bugs you enough, feel free to shout at me in the comments!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

The counseling rooms that Pulcinella provided positively impacted the operations and well-being of the Fatui. Although the topic of seeking counsel still isn't an easy conversation between the organization, at least it gets the conversation going. The nature of their operations is quite harsh, but they still want to lookout for the well-being of everyone involved.

Signora and Pulcinella once talked using this counseling room. Yet no one knew what the conversation was ever about.

Pierro had no need for the counseling room, always going to and fro different places in order to fulfill his duties.

Capitano was the same, more or less.

Columbina never divulges anything to anyone. She was always singing songs that sent everyone on edge. But, if you happen to come across her, you're sure to leave the conversation with more questions than answers.

Arlecchino sometimes confides in her fellow harbingers during tea time. Her worries and troubles, when it comes to work, were divided evenly to the House of the Hearth.

Pulcinella, well, he's Pulcinella. As the mayor of Snezhnograd, surely he knows how to solve most of his problems, right?

Scaramouche will sneer at you if you even breathe around him.

Sandrone was seldom outside her workshop, always working on her projects and minding her own business. It's even considered a miracle if you catch a glimpse of her outside her workshop.

Childe. No one knows what's he's got going on in his personal life, except for Pulcinella. Aside from the usual stories about his family, all the Fatui knew that he mostly converses with his fists.

What about Pantalone and Dottore? One only cares about circulating money while the other cares about how to get said money to fund his research.

In short, the Fatui Harbingers have their own space to use for private matters. So, why did Capitano see the Doctor and Regrator leave the floor of the counseling rooms with shit-eating grins on their faces late at night?

"That damn Pantalone and Dottore!" Pulcinella shouts after hearing Capitano's statement. He was fuming with anger. He was already quite lenient with the rules for the counseling rooms for the rest of the Fatui, but he didn't expect two Fatui Harbingers to outright disrespect the rules he had in place.

"To be fair," Signora starts, pursing her lips in annoyance, "it wasn't specified that those rooms strictly prohibit Harbingers. Technically, they are allowed to use them."

Pulcinella whips his head towards Signora, who was comfortably seated in one of the office couches he acquired for visitors. His hand tightly gripped the pen he was holding, but he was still careful not to accidentally stain the document he was signing. "That is quite an oversight on my part. But what are you still doing in my office?"

Signora stops midway from touching up her makeup. She uses her mirror to look at Pulcinella before smiling. "Am I not allowed to be here?"

Capitano quietly places a thick stack of papers on Pulcinella's desk. Making use of the fact that Pulcinella was interrogating Signora so he can easily slip away to this other duties.

"Do you have anything important and urgent to tell me?" Pulcinella shoots back at her while raising an eyebrow.

"I was supposed to consult you about one of the contingency plans for one of our projects at the end of this month." Signora closes her mirror before turning to face Pulcinella with a smile. "Is that important and urgent enough for you?"

Pulcinella sighs before nodding, "yes. Now please take your seat here so we can begin the consultation."

While Signora was preparing the presentation, Pulcinella suspiciously eyes the stack of papers on his table. Since when did it become so high?

---

Any meeting that directly involves the Regrator has always been long-winded. He always makes sure that every detail has been discussed with the proper value assigned to each and every one. But, this meeting was an entirely different case.

Pantalone carefully adjusts his coat, gently brushing the knots out of the fur from a previous altercation. He took his time in picking out all the debris left in his coat, even humming a short tune while doing so.

Pulcinella was seated in front of him, calm yet overpowering. He is silently waiting, not even sparing a glance towards Pantalone. Which kind of irks the ignored man.

"We've been here for awhile now." Pantalone places his hands neatly on the table between them. His tone was gentle but it held a lot of authority. "If you've nothing important to discuss then I better be on my way. Lost time is lost money."

The man in front of him doesn't reply. He just patiently, or rather impatiently with the way he is fiddling with his cane, looks at the door.

Pantalone was about to stand up and leave when the door opened, revealing Dottore with disheveled hair and a burnt coat. He raises his eyebrow in question but Dottore ignores him, pointedly looking at Pulcinella who was now a bit pleased but still annoyed.

"This better be worth my time or else I'm doubling the funds I need for my research." Dottore closes the door behind him quite forcefully before making his way beside Pantalone.

Pantalone raises an eyebrow at him, as if the one releasing the funding wasn't in this very room. His eyes snap back to Pulcinella, who cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses before starting his interrogation.

"Now that's everyone." Pulcinella straightens his posture, holding out a stack of papers from the endless pile in front of him. "I assume that you both know why you're here."

"No we don't." After speaking in unison, Pantalone and Dottore looked blankly at Pulcinella. Of course, they both know how each of their colleagues work. When it comes to Pulcinella, don't say anything until Pulcinella himself reveals the reason why.

Pulcinella uses vague accusations and silence to press people for more information than what he currently has. He uses such tactics to get something more out of the person he is talking to by doing less. So far, it worked on most of the Fatui, except for the Harbingers themselves.

"I'm talking about you two using the counseling rooms for the Fatui!" Pulcinella exclaims, flipping the paper to show the approved paper work for their use of the counseling room.

"Are we not a part of the said Fatui?" Dottore immediately asks, his boredness seeping through every word. He makes himself comfortable while watching Pulcinella's calm demeanor change into something more frantic. He's starting to resemble the way his experiments act when they are cornered, just the way Dottore likes it.

"So you're saying that we, Fatui Harbingers, have no right to be consoled in the counseling rooms that you have made and which I, generously I may add, provided sufficient funding for?" Pantalone immediately turns the questioning back to Pulcinella. His face was neutral but if you looked closely, his lips were slightly twitching into a smile.

"No, you fool! You have plenty of rooms to use that only Harbingers can access! Like The Doctor's laboratory or Regrator's office in the Northland Bank! Why use the rooms made for other Fatui members?" Pulcinella sputters out every word filled with rage. These specific two really, really makes it difficult for him to keep his composure.

"Ah, I see how it is then. You and Lohefalter can use one while Zandik and I are prohibited from ever stepping into those rooms. For a supposedly fair mayor of the Snezhnograd and a speaker part of the Snezhograd Veche you are being quite unfair here." Pantalone takes out his handkerchief before pretending to wipe his tears away with it.

"Oh, you wound me deeply, Pulcinella." Dottore's words drip with sarcasm, even holding his hands just above his heart. His obviously fake act made Pulcinella want to throw his cane at him, but before he can further think about doing so, Pantalone interjected.

"Also, I thought that whatever we do inside the counseling rooms won't be probed by anyone? Why are we suddenly an exception to that rule?" Pantalone sighs, looking at Pulcinella with a solemn expression. "If that's the case, then I guess we need to divulge him in whatever we did that night, isn't that right, Zandik?"

"Of course. If that's what the Rooster wants in the first place. So first we…" Dottore started the story, adding in a few obscene descriptions of their late night rendezvous. Some of them were obviously exaggerated, but the Rooster doesn't have to know.

To Pulcinella's horror, Pantalone started chiming in midway with even more graphic hand gestures. All he could do was try to tune out everything that's happening in front of him. But, he could only take so much before his sanity ultimately shattered.

"FINE!" Pulcinella shouted, interrupting both Dottore and Pantalone midway of their storytelling session. He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed in annoyance at the Harbingers in front of him. "I don't care about what you two do in your private life. But all your requests for the counseling room will be denied immediately!"

"What? I was just getting to the best part of the story. Are you sure you don't want to hear the ending?" Dottore asked him, feigning sadness at the abrupt interruption.

Pantalone uses a handkerchief to mask his laughter. He pretended to cough before clearing his throat. "I've thought of the same thing, aren't we supposed to provide the necessary details for you?"

"I've no need for you two imbeciles anymore. Now leave before I forcibly remove you from my office!"

Dottore and Pantalone looks at each other before shrugging. "Well, if you say so."

The both of them immediately got up from their seats and exited Pulcinella's office. Once they shut the door close and confirmed that they were definitely out of Pulcinella's earshot, they started laughing and grinning like madmen while walking towards archon knows where.

---

Pantalone and Dottore are seated in front of each other inside the counseling room that Dottore booked.

"So, how's life been treating you, Doctor?" Pantalone nods towards Dottore with a polite smile.

"All good. My funding's been approved for all of my experiments so everything should proceed as planned." Dottore asks, placing his right elbow on the table and leaning his cheek on his hand. He tilts his head ever so slightly with a small grin etching his face. "How about you, dear Regrator?"

"The Northland Bank is well and busy, especially during mid-season where everyone suddenly have projects that need funding." Pantalone laughs quietly before crossing his arms. "But if you were curious about my current health issues, well, I don't think my doctor would appreciate me divulging information outside consultation hours, no?"

"I suppose," Dottore nods in agreement before silently staring at Pantalone. His eyes were scrutinizing the man in front of him, although he doubts that Pantalone could actually see his eyes under the mask he is wearing. He continues staring, not uttering anything that he notices about him.

There's nothing a few seconds of silence that Pantalone can handle, but more than a minute is definitely overkill. He adjusts his glasses before looking at him with furrowed brows. "Is there anything wrong, Doctor?"

"We're both aware that someone is going to catch us using this room, right?" Dottore grins at Pantalone, removing his arm from the table, leaning back on his seat instead.

Pantalone knows that whatever will come out of Dottore's mouth for the next few minutes will just be empty words coaxing him to accept whatever he had in mind. So all he could do is cut the long conversation short and indulge what the Doctor wants of him. "Yes. I'm agreeing to whatever you are going to propose."

Dottore grins as he stands up from his chair. He offers his hand in front of the surprised Pantalone. "It is nice working with you"

While eyeing the outstretched hand in front of him, Pantalone immediately needed to choose between two choices on what he could do. After a second or two, he decided to take his hand and shook it, as business partners would after a successful partnership talk. "Likewise."

The both of them left the room with wide grins on both of their faces. Unaware of the Harbinger that caught them fleeing after their late night escapade using one of the counseling rooms.

They never went near any of those counseling rooms after that, opting to talk about everything that matters in Regrator's office or Dottore's laboratory instead.

Notes:

Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed this one! <3