Work Text:
Being a hopeless romantic isn’t always easy. Falling for the wrong people. Trusting the wrong people. But the worse of all. Not being able to move on from the wrong people.
Past lovers still haunt you. Everywhere you go, they’re shadows follow. So you made a deal to yourself. Never. Trust. Another. Man.
Focusing on your studies.
But today, you were transferred to another class, by your request, cause you couldn’t stand being in the same room with the person who used to hurt you.
The stone is rough beneath your palm as you slowly push it, revealing a room full of students, Professor Snape stands at the front of the class. His eyes slide to yours and gestures for you to walk in with two fingers.
You stood next to him. “Everyone, this is Miss Y/N Y/L/N. She transferred from Tuesday’s class. I expect all of you to be on your best behavior.” He glared over at the group in the back of the class.
You look over and saw Draco, Mattheo, Blaise and Theodore huddled up in a semi circle. They all look at you up and down. It’s not surprising that they know you. You’re a slytherin after all. With a reassuring nod from Snape, you scurry over to your seat.
During the lesson. You feel gazes practically implanted in the back of your skull. But you ignored them and kept taking notes. After the lesson ended, you packed your stuff and started to walk to your next class.
But a large figure blocked you at the doorway. You look up and see Theodore Nott. Standing in front of you, both his hands in his pockets as he looks down at you. “In a hurry, amore?”
You straightened and adjusted the strap of your bag. “Just don’t want to be late for my next class.” You hold his stare.
“Ahh. And what might that be?”
“It’s none of your business.”
His eyebrows quirk up. He looks at you with…disbelief, and a hint of amusement. “None. Of. My. Business?” He leans down. “My apologies Miss Y/N. As much as I don’t want it to be my business. Professor McGonagall informed me to lead you to the new transfiguration classroom, since you were absent last lesson.”
Your lips part slightly, silenced by his words. Then, the corner of his mouth lifts up and he turns around and starts to walk. You were still stunned and stayed rooted in place.
“Do you expect me to carry you?” He turns around.
Lines form between your brows. Then with a huff of frustration you follow him.
When you both arrive in front of the door, he doesn’t even hesitate and shoves himself past you, causing you to bump into the edge of the doorframe.
You take a seat next to a Gryfinndor. You never found the thrill in bullying people based on their houses. But since you are a Slytherin, your reputation is to literally loathe Gryfinndor. So when the boy saw you. He quickly stood up. His chair scraped loudly against the floor and moved to the seat way behind.
Then, Professor McGonagall started to speak. “Today, we will practice untransfiguring each other's mistakes. Please get yourself a pair.”
You look around the classroom hoping to find a person you know. But all you see are people chatting with their friends. People moving seats. But then you see at the very far back corner of the room. Theodore Nott. Sitting alone. Staring into the void. With no other choice. You stood up and walked over to him. He seems to be still lost in thought.
“Hey.” You tapped the desk.
No answer.
Then you tapped his shoulder.
His head shoots up as his eyebrows form into one straight line. “What?”
“You and I are the only person in this room left without a partner. So, I guess we’re a pair.”
“Who says I agree?” He lounges his chin on the palm of his hand.
“Well you have no choice.” You give him a mocking smile.
You found out working with Theodore is a near impossible task. You wonder if anyone even wanted to partner with him. Maybe that’s why he was alone. He is egoistic and very stubborn. You tried to give him a few suggestions but he refused it as if even suggesting them felt like it had insulted him.
You couldn’t have been more relieved when class ended.
With a rushed pace, you walk out the classroom with your textbooks huddled in your arms.
The door of your room shut behind you with a soft click. You threw all your books on and desk and slumped on your bed. The mattress dips beneath your weight.
After a few hours, you get up and arrive at the great hall for dinner. You sat down and started to eat peacefully. But you couldn’t stop feeling a burning gaze staring at the back of your head. You turn your head slightly, and in the corner of your eye you catch Theodore staring straight at you with an unbothered gaze. You turned your head fully and caught his gaze.
He isn’t even subtle about it. Staring right back at you. After a prolonged eye contact you turn back before anyone else could see.
After the intriguing dinner you’ve had. You return to your dorm to sleep. You change into your silk pajamas and plop on the bed.
An ache forms, your turn relentlessly. Still, it doesn’t soothe it. So you stood up, wore your plush slippers and decided to leave the room. You make sure to not see any sight of Mrs Norris and quickly walk to the astronomy tower. When you arrive, you lean against the stone wall catching a breath of fresh air.
But that fresh air was replaced by a strong smell of nicotine. You cough and cover your nose with your forearm. You turn to your side and see Theodore leaning against the wall as well. Smoking. Of course.
You sigh and walk the other way.
After walking quite a distance from him. You finally get a whiff of fresh air, a breeze ruffles your hair.
Suddenly, the smell of nicotine gets stronger again. A looming figure shadows you under the moonlight. You feel his presence behind you.
“Stalking me?” His voice comes out gruff.
You scoff. “You wish.” You turn around to face him and find him incredibly close. “I was just… catching some fresh air. I couldn’t sleep.”
Theodore turns to his left to let out a puff of smoke. He doesn’t say anything as he continues to stare at you. You catch his gaze dropping to your lips.
“What about you?” You ask.
His head quickly snaps back up from your question. He raises an eyebrow and points to the cigarette between his index and middle finger.
Without a warning he tucks a loose hair behind your ear. Your breathing stops completely as you stand there stoned.
My gaze meets his. You stand there unblinking. Waiting. For his next move.
But then he straightens, throws his cigarette mid air as it disappears and walks away.
And you’re left there. You let out the breath you’ve been desperately holding.
What the fuck was that?
The next day went by with a blur. Classes went by quickly. Now you’re in the library, studying for your charms test.
At the table beside you, you hear a hushed chatter, you turn and see Pansy sitting there with Blaise. They are sitting close but not touching each other. Rumors have been spreading that they were together, but neither of them confirmed it.
You turn back to your book.
After a few hours, you’ve realized you skipped dinner. So you decide to head back to your room.
As you opened the door you realized it was unlocked. You are sure you definitely locked it before leaving. But when you open it, you see none other than Theodore Nott sitting on your bed. With a plate of food resting on his lap.
Your room is simple. A bed, a desk, a chair and a closet. The bathroom is undecorated. Since the chair was filled with clothes you were too lazy to hang. Theodore resulted in sitting on the bed.
You quickly close the door behind you and stalk towards him. “What are you doing here?!”
He seems taken back by the tone. Then he says calmly “I saw you weren’t at the Great Hall earlier so I brought you food.”
You sit there, a bit stunned. “Th-thanks.” Your voice comes out breathy.
You grab the plate from him and set it on your table. By the time you turned around he was already gone.
You sit on your bed and open up a letter you received from your parents.
Ever since when you were young your parents didn’t care about you as much as your brother. You had always thought they somewhat hated you. Insults were thrown around casually, every excuse is either claiming it as a joke or simply explaining that you were over reacting. When you found out you could go to school here you were over the moon to get as far away as possible from them.
The last letter you sent was a picture of you and your friends in the common room.
You open the letter. The text reads.
Y/N, it has been a while ever since you sent a letter. I would’ve said you had forgotten about us. It’s nice to see you happy. But remember to focus on your studies. It’s not like I care. It’s your choice if you wreck your own future and become a useless piece of shit, oh wait, you already are. I don’t care. And watch the food. You’ve gained weight lately. You practically look like a hippo next to your friends. Why can’t you be more like them?
Yours sincerely,
Mom.
You had to hold back tears as your eyes scanned the parchment. You told yourself you should be used to it. After years, they never changed one bit. You tell yourself you shouldn’t be upset, you shouldn’t let them get under your skin. You shouldn’t let these insensitive, contradicting species insult you out of the blue.
But you couldn’t. You let their words sink into you. Your skin prickles, heart feeling heavier by the minute. Every word, every letter. You let yourself drown in it.
Tears run down your face. You can’t help but just sit there and stare at the blank wall.
How dare they think it’s virtuous drowning you in your own tears as their words engross your mind with the thoughts of their words.
The weary lights of the lamp dims as time passes. Exhaustion grows. You finally let yourself lay down. Tears start to roll sideways.
The plate of food now sat forgotten.
Needles prickle your skin as your eyes squeeze shut.
A knock jars you out of your thoughts. You thought it was one of your friends so you yelled. “I’m not in the mood to hang tonight!”
But then, the knocking grows louder and harder.
You stood up and open the door. Theodore’s face, etched with worried, now standing in your doorway. He looks down at you. Face still damp with tears. “What-”
“I heard crying.”
“Were you outside my door the entire-”
“Yes.”
You stand there with your lips parted.
He steps forward and you take a few steps back into your room.
“What happened?” He asks as his hand goes to your shoulder.
“Nothing. I was just…”
Lines form between his brows, his hand now moves towards the nape of your neck.
Your eyes drift to the floor.
Your family has always been a sensitive topic. You never even shared it with your closest friends.
“It’s fine. Don’t talk.” He walks closer to you until your chests are almost touching. He pushes your head on his shoulder.
After a while. You both are now on the bed. You lie on his chest while he strokes your hair.
Then, you drift off to sleep.
When you woke up, Theodore was already gone.
Today is Saturday so it is a great day to take a break. You went to a spot where it was so hidden, barely anyone knew about it.
It was a grass field, a few trees and some ocassional flowers that bloomed.
You sat on the plush grass and started to read your book. That’s when you smell the hint of cigarette smoke from your left. You looked up and saw Theodore Nott standing by the tree. Smoking, watching you.
You closed your book, stood up and walked towards him.
“What are you doing here?”
“Enjoying Mother Nature.” He fixed his posture.
“I- are you following me?”
“What makes you think that? You aren’t the only one who knows about this place.” He lets out a puff of smoke.
You rolled your eyes and sat back down at your seat. You start to read and get immersed in the book.
Suddenly, the grass next to you crumples, you turn and see Theodore sitting right next to you.
“What now?!”
“Can’t let a boy sit down on the grass?”
“Does it have to be next to me?” You gruff.
“Look around amor, this is the closest tree. If you expect me to walk that far just to have a sit, you’re a fool.”
You roll your eyes. You decide to ignore him and focus on the words. But everything he does disturbs you, his breathing, his movements, you read the paragraph for the fifth time now.
As you move on to the next, the sound of a lighter clicking startles you.
You snap your head towards him. “What are you doing?”
He pausing as the cigarette hangs from his lips, his hand covering the lighter that is near the head.
“Taking some fresh air.” He replies sarcastically.
“Ha ha, you can’t smoke here.”
“Who says?” He drops his hand and looks at me.
“I-it’s a green area. There’s grass everywhere, that could start a fire.”
“But there isn’t a sign here says I can’t smoke.”
You stood up and started to walk away.
“Cat got your tongue amor?”
You give him your middle finger then storm off.
You know you weren’t really pissed at Theodore, you’re just overwhelmed with everything.
So when you reach the staircase to your dorm, you lean against the handrail and sink down to the floor.
After a few hours, it’s already night time. You pushed yourself up, without paying attention you bump into something hard. You mutter a sorry, when you look up. Low and behold. Theodore Nott.
Gosh he’s just everywhere isn’t he. You turn to the right to leave but he grabs your wrist, firm but not enough to hurt.
“What’s going on with you?” He says.
“What?” You tilt your head.
“What happened last night?”
You remember Theodore holding you while dried tears covered your cheeks. His gentle hand caresses the top of your head.
“I-it was nothing, forget about it.” You try to free yourself from his grip.
“No. Don’t do that. Not again.” The last two words comes out in a soft murmur.
“What…what do you mean again?”
He scoffs. “You’ve really forgotten, haven’t you?”
You raise an eyebrow, telling you to explain further.
“Third year. You were crying hysterically in the common room. You dismissed everyone that wanted to help. When I asked you what was wrong. You told me it was nothing, forget about it. Then later I found out that some ravenclaws were making fun of you.”
That day still haunts you in the back of your mind. You had became acquaintances with Luna lovegood so she snuck you into the ravenclaw common room. After she left to her dorm to get something. A group of ravenclaw started to call you names, how you were a terrible person and blends in so well with the slytherin, even gotten death threats. You were young, scared, after Luna came back and saw the commotion, she rushed me out and comforted me, apologized as well. You remember crying in the common room. Hated being a slytherin.
You didn’t want to talk to a anyone at all.
The next day, that group of ravenclaw had be beat up. You didn’t give much thought about it thinking it was karma. But now that Theo mentions it…
“Did you…”
“Did I beat up those kids? I sure as fuck did, no one messes with my girl.” He strokes my hair. “Did you know, how upset it was for a young boy, being ghosted by his only friend?”
“What are you talking about?”
“First year, you sat next to me after we sorted houses. Then suddenly, during third year you decided to stop talking to me. Walked past my in hallways like I was a ghost.”
It was years ago. You had almost forgotten if Theo didn’t mention it.
“I-I didn’t mean to. I just got so focused on school, I didn’t mean to hurt you Theo.”
“You and your stupid books.” He mutters.
You move closer and wrap your arms around his waist. Enclosing him in a tight embrace. “I’m sorry” you mutter.
“It’s okay.” He says, but it sounds hollow.
“Now tell me what actually happened.”
“My parents sent me a letter. Their words. It was hurtful. So I broke down.” You admit.
“What did they say.” He asks softly.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” You mutter.
You both walked to your room.
Theo leans against the headboard, you lay on top of his chest.
A loud knock jars you both upwards.
“Y/N! Open the door.” The voice sounded like Draco.
The both of you stood up and walked towards the door. Theo is pressed up against the wall. You open the door, “what?”
“Have you seen Nott? I can’t find him anywhere. I’ve checked his room, common room, even asked the others.”
Your eyes widen just a fraction. “What makes you think I know?”
“He’s been mentioning about finding you recently so I thought you might be with him.”
“Oh” your voice drops to an octave.
You cover Theo’s mouth as he holds back a laugh. “No, I haven’t seen him.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.” You give him a tight smile then slams the door shut.
You let out a breath of relief and turn to him. “Mention finding me huh?”
“Don’t let it get to your head.”
You chuckle and push him slightly.
He grabs you by the waist and press you closer to him.
“Your room lacks so much furniture, it’s terrifying.”
You chuckle. “Shut up. As if your room is perfectly furnished.”
“So you’ve been to my room before?” He smirks.
“No!”
“So you’ve imagined how it would look like. Ahh, I see how it is.”
“You’re irritating.”
“Whatever you say amore.” He smiles.
After a few weeks. You and Theo had gotten closer and closer. You would sit next to each other during class. The others would tease how you both were so close and how we should get a room. But you both just laughed it off.
Study sessions after school in the library turned into study sessions in your room. Late night walks always ended up Theo staying in your room. Making up for the time you’ve lost with him ever since third year.
Then, one day. It was after school. Theo picked you up as usual. But today, you both weren’t walking towards your room. He led you to a garden. The sun was still shining bright above. Flowers bloomed everywhere, grass was greener than ever. Then, he led you to a tree. The tree looked old. He held you by the nape and said.
“Y/N, I like you. I like you ever since you’ve became kind and attentive towards me. I like you ever since we hung out. I want to be with you. Grow old with you. Build life with you. I’m sick and tired of seeing other people get to have you that easily. While it takes me such a long time. I don’t know how to express my feelings, but I know that I want to be with you as long as the tree had been alive.”
Tears well up in your eyes. You try your best to blink them away but they fall anyway. Theo’s thumb swept the falling tears.
Then, you nod.
He pulls you in a crushing kiss. It’s not rushed. It’s soft and gentle. And contained years of yearning.
After years, turns out. The person for you was the person who was right there with you when your story had all started.