Work Text:
Toki was sitting on the floor in the Mordhaus living room, surrounded by candy wrappers and empty gummy packages. Some news was flashing on the TV without sound, but he didn’t really care. All his attention was on his Dethphone, where a bright ad for a new place was glowing, a boba tea cafe that had just opened in the next state. Pictures of huge cups full of tapioca pearls, cream, syrups, and sugar looked like heaven to him. He had never tried anything like that in his life. The picture was so tempting that Toki could literally feel his mouth watering. The Norwegian had a damn huge sweet tooth, like he was trying to make up for all the sugar he didn’t have before Dethklok. And now that he was damn rich, Toki could eat as much as he wanted. And that meant huge, giant, crazy amounts of candy that his body couldn’t always handle.
“Pickl… Pickl, looks heres!” he said slowly when the drummer appeared in the doorway with a bottle in his hand. Toki jumped to his feet, almost tripping over his own socks, and shoved the phone right under his friend’s nose. “Looks what place! Bobas tea! I nevers-evers try this before, nevers, you hear?! We need go! Rights now! Now, now!”
Pickles looked at the screen for a few seconds before looking at Toki. His face was still tired and a little sarcastic as usual, but something interested flashed in his eyes for just a second. The idea of going somewhere and killing time wasn’t so bad, especially since there was nothing better to do today. Though the idea of getting his ass up to go to another state for something that might not even be that interesting wasn’t so fun.
“Toki, it’s just milk with boba and a ton of sugar. I don’t think it’s really worth it.”
Toki pouted, but his eyes were already shining with childish excitement. He was often like that, so childish, emotional, able to go from sad to totally excited in one second. He grabbed Pickles by the sleeve and shook him.
“Because I nevers try this befores! And yous come with mes, Pickl. Please please! It ams be so fun!”
Pickles sighed, took a sip from the bottle, and looked at Toki for a long moment. There was something resigned in that look. Pickles probably didn’t want to waste the day driving nowhere for some random shit. But there was nothing to do. Toki seemed really set on going, no matter what. And the Norwegian could be very pushy and stubborn when he wanted something. And buying some new trendy crap was definitely worth the effort right now. They were standing close, too close, so close that Toki could smell the alcohol on Pickles’ breath. Their shoulders almost touched. Toki smelled alcohol and light cigarette smoke, and that only made him want to drag the drummer out of the house more.
“Okay,” Pickles finally said. “But just drinking that is gonna be boring as hell, doode. We both know the fun starts when vodka gets involved, right? Grab a bottle. Or two. And we can go.”
Toki smiled and nodded fast. He would agree to anything as long as he got his daily sugar fix. They were both alcoholics to the bone. Every time they drank, it turned into a whole event, and the morning hangover usually lasted almost a day. Alcohol was a great way to make a boring day better, and it was one of those things that never let them down. Mixing sweet stuff with vodka seemed genius to Toki. Like everything they did together, of course.
They grabbed two bottles of vodka, got into the Dethlimo, and headed to their destination. On the way, Toki talked nonstop about how the cup would look, what flavors he wanted to try, and how tapioca was probably like little jelly candies. He had read that on the internet. The whole time, Toki scrolled through the menu with pictures and was excited about trying everything at once.
Pickles listened, sometimes making short comments and nodding. When Toki waved his arms too wildly, Pickles gently held his wrist so he wouldn’t hit the door.
The cafe turned out to be bright, almost neon, pink walls, soft couches, the smell of caramel and milk tea. The whole place had that air-conditioner smell and annoying Asian pop music playing. In the corners sat sickly cute couples who didn’t care at all about kissing and eating each other’s faces in public. Toki had to put on a cap, and Pickles had to put on a mask and glasses so they wouldn’t attract attention. It would be really embarrassing if members of the most brutal death metal band in the world were seen in a place like that. Toki almost immediately started pointing at the menu, thinking hard about what he was going to drink.
Pickles stood nearby with his hands in his pockets, the corners of his mouth twitching like he was holding back a smile. They ordered three huge cups and paid a lot of money for them. When the drinks came, Toki almost gasped with excitement. The cream was thick on top, the tapioca pearls shone at the bottom, and the sugar syrup dripped down the sides. The drinks looked damn delicious.
They sat at the farthest table, almost hiding from other people’s eyes so they wouldn’t attract attention. Pickles took out the first small bottle and, without caring, poured a generous amount of vodka into each cup. The drinks almost spilled over the top. Toki giggled, watching the clear liquid mix with the sweet stuff in the cup.
“Dats be the coolest boba tea in da world,” he whispered, leaning closer.
The first sips were weird, sweet enough to make your teeth ache, thick, with chewy tapioca pearls. Then the vodka started to kick in, his head started to spin a little. The world got softer, funnier, and brighter. Toki drank greedily, almost chugging, and after ten minutes his cheeks were red and his eyes had a drunk shine.
They started acting like total jerks offs. Toki was the one who got drunk faster, and he got a damn brilliant idea. He put a few pearls in his mouth and started spitting them at Pickles like machine-gun fire.
A few pearls hit Pickles in the nose and both of them burst out laughing. Pickles scooped up some cream in his hand and threw it in Toki’s face. Toki joined in, they sat across from each other, shooting tapioca from their mouths like little kids who were finally allowed to play, giggling drunkenly.
They were already really drunk. Sugar and vodka mixed in their blood into a dangerous combo, and Toki was laughing so loud that tears were running down his face. He filled his mouth with tapioca and, without thinking, spit one hard toward the wall.
The pearl bounced off with a nasty wet sound, flew across the whole room, and hit a waitress right in the eye with a dull smack. She was carrying a tray with boiling water and fresh tea. The girl screamed and dropped the tray. The boiling water splashed onto a gas heater nearby. It caught fire, and the flames jumped to paper napkins, then to fake flower decorations, then to a wooden stand with syrups.
It all happened in seconds. The room filled with screams of terror.
People screamed. Someone slipped on the spilled sweet syrup and hit his head on the corner of a table so hard you could hear the crack even over the music. Blood spread across the floor fast. Kids were screaming, people were pushing each other, trying to run out of the place. Another customer, trying to escape, knocked over a tall shelf full of caramel topping cans, heavy cans fell right on a group of teenagers by the exit. Someone tried to break a window with a chair, but slipped on the tapioca Toki and Pickles had scattered on the floor and impaled his stomach on a sharp metal hook from a broken decoration. Blood mixed with pink syrup. Then the wiring caught fire. The ceiling started falling down in burning chunks of drywall.
Toki sat and watched with wide eyes, still giggling, because the alcohol and sugar had completely turned off his sense of danger.
“Oopsie…”
Pickles grabbed him by the collar so fast that Toki almost choked on the pearls still in his mouth.
“Doode, I think it’s time to get the fuck out of here. Right now.”
They ran out through the back exit while the main room turned into a fiery hell. Something exploded behind them, probably a gas canister from the coffee machine. Windows blew out in a rain of glass and burning sugar. They could barely hear the screams anymore.
They ran down the alley, stumbling and still laughing hysterically, because both were too drunk to fully understand how bad it was. Pickles just cursed through his laughter and pulled him along.
“Shit, we’re probably gonna get in trouble with Charles for this, huh?”
Toki just nodded, smiling wide, covered in syrup and soot.
---
Dethklok Minute Host looked into the camera with his usual expression, ready to share new gossip from the world of show business.
“Tonight in California, the newly opened place ‘Boba Bliss’ burned completely to the ground. According to early reports, seventeen people died, and nine more are in critical condition. Witnesses say that shortly before the fire, two men were in the cafe who looked suspiciously like rhythm guitarist Toki Wartooth and Pickles the Drummer from Dethklok. Fans have already started posting blurry photos of figures running from the burning building. Police are not commenting yet.”
Nathan sighed and took a drink from his bottle.
“Seriously? Fucking boba tea? That’s not metal at all. What the hell were you doing there?”
Skwisgaar laughed loudly first, throwing his head back.
“Hah! Tokis goa to girly cafe! Maybe yous should puts a pinks bow on your guitars, yeah?”
“Fucks you, Skwisgaar!”
Skwisgaar kept laughing and making fun of Toki. Nathan shook his head, while on the screen behind them they were still showing footage of the burning cafe, where through the smoke and flames you could see a huge pink puddle of melted sugar and tapioca slowly spreading across the sidewalk.