Ranpo was eating his candy, as usual.

Atsushi was doing his own paperwork and Dazai's, because apparently doing his coworker's work had somehow become part of his daily routine.

Kyoka sat beside Naomi, the two of them quietly discussing food and rabbits.

Yosano was drinking her tea, looking perfectly content.

Kenji was staring to his plant.

Kunikida was screaming as usual.

Everyone was doing…well something.

Everyone except one person.      

Osamu Dazai.

A man who had seemingly never arrived at the Agency on time since the day he joined.

There had never been a moment of true peace in the Armed Detective Agency. Between Dazai's constant teasing and Kunikida's equally constant yelling, silence was practically a foreign concept.

Today was no different.

Or so they thought.

“THAT WASTE OF BANDAGES IS LATE! AGAIN!”

Kunikida slammed his hand against the desk, staring furiously at his watch.

His face was red.

His eyebrow was twitching.

The vein on his forehead was practically begging for mercy.

Atsushi glanced nervously at him.

“Kunikida-san… he is always late.” Atsushi said awkwardly, which obviously was a way to lighten the mood, and that statement didn’t make it any better.

At least for kunikida.

“Yes!” Kunikida snapped. “And that is precisely the problem!”

Kenji looked up from his plant.

“Yes! Mister Dazai is always late!” Kenji spoke cheerfully, like always.

“KENJI, THAT DOES NOT HELP!” Kunikida yelled.

Kenji blinked.

“Sorry!”

“DON’T BE” He yelled again.

Ranpo popped his lollipop back into his mouth, completely unfazed by the commotion.

“You know Dazai,” he said casually. “He's probably harassing some poor woman into attempting a double suicide with him.”

Kunikida's eye twitched.

“HE ISN'T ANYWHERE!”

“Maybe he's trying a new method of suicide,” Tanizaki offered.

“Tanizaki! IT DOES NOT MAKE IT ANY BETTER!!”

Naomi tilted her head.

“Maybe he's asleep?”

Kunikida turned toward her.

“Why would that be any more reassuring?!” Kunikida looked genuinely concerned.

Atsushi hesitantly raised a hand.

“What if he got kidnapped again…?” Atsushi suggested tentatively.

The room fell silent for a moment.

Kyoka looked up.

“That seems unlikely.” She quietly said.

Then,

She calmly took another bite of her food and continued.

“Dazai-nii is very capable. If someone kidnapped him, it was probably part of his plan, or done with his prior knowledge.”

She nodded, looking rather proud as she spoke of Dazai, clearly holding him in high regard.

Kunikida stared at her.

“That is somehow even worse.” He mumbled.

Kenji brightened.

“Maybe he's sick!” Kenji’s eyes sparkled as he solved a unknown mystry.

“ He jumps into rivers and lakes all the time, so maybe he caught a cold!” Kenji suggested brightly.

“HE DOES NOT GET SICK FROM THAT!” Kunikida practically yelled that.

“Sometimes people do.” kenji tilted his head innocently.

“That is not the point! And it’s dazai! He never got sick in the two years of being in this agency!!” Kunikida fumed.

The Agency descended into another round of speculation.

Atsushi, kenji, kyoka and naomi kept suggesting something absurd like-

“Maybe he got stuck in a tree?” Naomi said.

“Or ate some poisoned mushroom and passed out?” Atsushi spoke clearly from experience.

“That might be a possibility.” Kyoka agreed and naomi agreed by nodding.

Yosano, who had been silently drinking her tea through all of this, finally placed the cup down.

She sighed.

“Why don't we stop guessing where Dazai is and simply call him?”

Everyone went quiet.

Kunikida stared at her.

Then he sighed heavily.

“…Fine.”

He pulled out his phone.

The contact he needed was saved under the name:

Suicidal Maniac.

Kunikida stared at the name for a moment.

He pressed call.

The phone began ringing.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

“HES NOT PICKIN—“ Kunikida screamed.

Then,

The call was answered.

“Why, hello, Kunikida-kun! What an honor. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Kunikida's eyebrow twitched.

That voice.

Far too cheerful.

Far too composed.

Something was wrong.

“...Dazai.”

There was a brief pause.

“Y-Yes?”

Kunikida's eyes narrowed.

That hesitation.

He knew Dazai well enough to recognize when something was off.

“YOU WORTHLESS CAT! WHERE ARE YOU?! YOU’RE LATE AGAIN!”

Then came the most pitiful voice Kunikida had ever heard.

“My dear Kunikida-kun... the poor, unfortunate me is terribly sick in bed. I have a fever, a sore throat, and absolutely no strength to even get up.”

Kunikida froze.

Sick?

He narrowed his eyes.

Dazai sounded...

Almost convincing.

Almost.

“You're sick?”

“Very sick.”

Kunikida frowned.

Dazai was usually incapable of shutting up whenever he was hurt. He'd complain endlessly, exaggerate every symptom imaginable, and somehow turn his suffering into everyone else's problem.

But now?

He sounded strangely calm.

Well no, he was still annoying.

“Then why didn't you tell me earlier?”

Silence.

A little too long.

“...I forgot?”

Kunikida's eyebrow twitched.

“You forgot?”

“Ah, yes. Terrible memory, you know.”

“Dazai, you are unbelievable.”

“I know, Kunikida-kun. It's one of my many charms.”

Kunikida sighed.

He was lying.

He wasn't sure about what, but he was almost certain of it.

“Anyway, since I am clearly in no condition to work today, I'll be taking the day off. Possibly tomorrow too.”

“Absolutely not! You can't just decide—”

“Ahem.”

Dazai coughed.

It sounded deliberately exaggerated.

Kunikida stared at his phone.

That cough was fake.

He knew it.

He just couldn't prove it.

“...Fine,” Kunikida muttered. “Rest today. But I'll check on you later.”

“No!”

The response came far too quickly.

Kunikida's eyes narrowed.

A pause.

“I mean…no need! I'll be perfectly fine. Resting. Alone. Completely alone.”

Kunikida went silent.

...

Alone?

Why had he emphasized that?

His suspicion immediately intensified.

“...Why did you emphasize ‘alone’?”

Silence.

Then,

“ *Cough* I am urgently in need for a rest. Goodbye, Kunikida-kun!”

 “Dazai—”

Click.

The call ended.

Kunikida slowly lowered his phone.

He was…confused.

Something was definitely wrong.

Dazai was lying.

But…

The question was,

What was he hiding?

Meanwhile on Dazai’s end

Dazai was lying peacefully on his bed.

It was around seven in the morning.

He had two hours to get up, wash, change, eat, and make his way to the Agency.

Plenty of time.

Unfortunately, he didn't want to get up.

He stared blankly at the ceiling.

Chuuya was away on a mission, and Dazai found himself missing his embrace.

Not that he would ever admit that out loud.

Well...

He supposed he should get up before Kunikida threatened to murder him.

Not that Dazai would mind such an opportunity.

But he knew Kunikida wouldn't actually do it.

With a long, reluctant sigh, Dazai finally dragged himself out of bed.

He stretched, his body arching like a lazy cat, before wandering over to the mirror.

He immediately regretted it.

His reflection looked absolutely dreadful.

Messy curls.

Dark circles beneath his eyes.

And eyes that looked completely empty.

Dazai stared at himself for a few seconds.

“Well, let's get this over with…”

He dragged himself toward the bathroom and stepped into a cold bath, hoping the temperature would wake him up enough to prevent him from looking like a corpse when he arrived at the Agency.

He reached for the shampoo.

Then paused.

It was Chuuya's.

Dazai smiled.

Obviously, he had stolen it.

Not that Chuuya would ever know.

...Hopefully.

After reluctantly getting out, Dazai dried his hair and brushed his teeth before heading toward the closet.

He picked out his usual clothes, slipped on his vest and coat, and reached for the bottle of cologne sitting nearby.

Chuuya's cologne.

Dazai sprayed some onto himself.

Definitely not because it smelled like Chuuya.

He looked at himself in the mirror one last time.

Better.

At least he no longer looked completely dead.

Dazai glanced at the clock.

8:56 a.m.

He blinked.

“There’s still time.”

He paused.

“Guess I'll just lay down for a bit.”

And with that, Dazai picked up a pillow and happily collapsed onto the sofa.

He had barely gotten comfortable when-

Knock. Knock.

Dazai lifted his head.

Before he could even answer, the door burst open.

Standing in the doorway was a familiar short redhead.

Dazai's lips immediately curled into a grin.

“Aha~ Of course it's you. What did I expect? Only a dog would enter like this.”

Chuuya's face scrunched up in anger.

“HUH?! WHAT DID YOU SAY?!”

Dazai's grin widened.

“Look! You're barking too!”

He stuck his tongue out at Chuuya, making a childish face.

“WHY YOU—!”

Chuuya took a step forward before stopping himself.

“Ugh... Shut up.”

He sighed, rubbing his forehead.

Then he looked Dazai over.

“You going to work?”

“Unfortunately, yes,” Dazai huffed.

“Then don't go.”

Dazai blinked.

“Do you want Kunikida to skin me alive? He's already mad at me for not coming early.”

“Deserved.”

Dazai gasped.

“Mean chibi!”

He dramatically pouted, looking almost like a child throwing a tantrum.

Chuuya stared at him.

Seriously... he looks cute.

He immediately shook the thought away.

Not the time.

“Well,” Chuuya said, crossing his arms, “take a leave.”

Dazai stared at him.

“A leave?”

“Yeah. Just stay home today.”

Dazai considered it.

He glanced toward the clock.

8:57.

He still had time.

Plenty of time.

Probably.

“...Maybe I will.”

Chuuya raised an eyebrow.

“Really?”

Dazai smiled.

“Why not?”

And that was the first mistake he made that morning.

Chuuya said, crossing his arms, “ call and tell them”

Dazai stared at him for a moment.

Then a mischievous smile appeared on his face.

“Are you trying to convince me to stay home with you, Chuuya?”

“Don't make it weird.”

“I didn't say anything weird.”

“You were about to.”

Dazai laughed.

Before he could continue teasing him, Chuuya stepped closer and gave him a kiss.

It was the slow, lingering kind of kiss.

Their lips parted after a few moments, though to Dazai, it felt far too short.

Dazai froze instantly the moment their lips touched.

For once, he had absolutely nothing to say.

Chuuya pulled away, his face slightly flushed.

“There. Now stay home.”

Dazai blinked. He looked dumbfounded

He touched his lips, remembering the touch of Chuuya’s soft lips.

Then his grin slowly returned.

“...Chuuya.”

“What?”

“You know that's a very effective method of persuasion.”

Chuuya's face reddened even more.

“Don't you dare.”

Dazai immediately leaned forward again with a playful smile.

“Perhaps I need another one to make sure.”

“Absolutely not.” Suddenly Chuuya paused, and then he grinned.

“Hm... the offer does seem nice though.”

Dazai's smile faltered.

He knew that expression.

Chuuya was definitely up to something.

And, judging by the look on his face, Dazai might have pretty good idea of what it was.

Well his workday (where he didn’t work) had been ruined.

Not that he was complaining.

Chuuya sighed and glanced toward the clock.

“Well, get up.”

Dazai blinked.

“Why?”

“We're leaving.”

“Leaving for where?”

Chuuya gave him an unimpressed look.

“My penthouse.”

Dazai's eyes lit up.

“Oh?”

“Don't sound so excited. You're the one who decided not to go to work.”

“But you told me to take a leave.”

“And now I'm making sure you actually do.”

Dazai smiled and stretched before getting to his feet.

“Fine, fine. Lead the way, chibi.”

“Call me that again and I'm leaving you here.”

“You wouldn't.”

“Try me.” Chuuya spoke with a wide grin.

Dazai laughed and followed him toward the door.

They stepped outside, and Chuuya locked the door behind them.

He took a few steps before suddenly stopping.

His nose twitched.

He sniffed the air.

Then he turned toward Dazai.

“…Osamu.”

Dazai looked at him innocently.

“Yes?”

“Are you wearing my cologne?”

Dazai froze.

“...No?”

Chuuya narrowed his eyes.

“Yes, you are.”

Dazai gave him his most innocent smile.

“Perhaps we simply have similar tastes.”

“You stole it.”

“I borrowed it.”

“Without asking.”

“Well, yes, I did. But I don't actually need to ask, because I happen to be your beautiful, amazing, and incredibly charming husband.”

Chuuya sighed and shook his head.

“You're unbelievable.”

“And You're also a thief.”

Dazai placed a hand over his chest dramatically.

“A thief of your heart~”

Chuuya's face immediately reddened.

“Oh, my God… I cannot believe I married you.”

Dazai grinned.

“Yet, you married me anyway.”

“Unfortunately.”

Dazai laughed as they continued walking to Chuuya’s bike.

Neither of them noticed the time.

And neither of them seemed particularly concerned about it.

After all, Dazai wasn't going to work today.

And, judging by the way things were going, he probably wasn't going to be getting there tomorrow either.

As soon as they entered the penthouse, Dazai plopped on to the bed, not sparing a single glance at anyone or anything.

“Well, should we start?” Chuuya spoke and grinned widely.

“Start what?” Dazai asked even when he knew.

“A reason for you to have a leave.”

“Fufu…how impatient chuuya”

Chuuya rolled his eyes.

“Don't pretend you don't like it.”

Dazai looked away, his cheeks faintly warm.

“Not that I mind…”

Chuuya smiled.

 “That's what I thought.

Well perhaps Kunikida was going to be furious when Dazai eventually returned.

Dazai couldn't bring himself to care.

Dazai was on the bed and Chuuya was on top of him.

Smirking.

Dazai could practically feel it now obviously from being in this situation too many time.

From 18 to 22, he knows wht expression chuuya makes, like he had just won some kind of rare, priceless treasure something that couldn’t be bought with money.

“Quit smirking.”

“No. This is just too good.”

“Mean…” Dazai mumbled, sounding almost like a tired cat. “Be kind to poor me. I would like to retain the ability to walk.”

Chuuya snorted.

“How cute.”

Dazai narrowed his eyes at him.

“You're enjoying this far too much.”

“Maybe.”

Chuuya's expression softened.

“Besides, you're adorable when you're like this.”

Dazai opened his mouth to respond, but whatever clever remark he'd prepared disappeared when Chuuya leaned closer and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips.

They had their tongues mere merged, Chuuya was exploring his mouth to it’s extent. After some time they pulled apart to breath, their mouth still hot from the kiss.

When they parted, Dazai stared at him for a moment.

Soon after, Chuuya leaned in again, only to tease Dazai by lightly biting his lower lip. Dazai’s brows furrowed, and his lips formed an indignant pout.

“Mean chibi!”

“Suck it up.”

He tried to sound annoyed, but the faint smile on his face and the softness in his eyes completely betrayed him. Dazai looked far too cute for Chuuya to stay annoyed or angry at him.

A few hours later, the penthouse had fallen quiet.

Dazai was exhausted.

Chuuya was tired as well, yet he remained close, absentmindedly nuzzling against Dazai's neck.

“Chibiko, I'm tired…” Dazai murmured, his voice hoarse and sleepy.

“Hmm, go to sleep?” Chuuya mumbled, pulling back slightly to look at him.

Dazai was caught off guard by the way Chuuya was looking at him.

Tenderly.

Like he was the most beautiful thing Chuuya had ever laid his eyes on.

“Don’t… look at me like that…” Dazai mumbled, embarrassment creeping into his voice.

“Can't help it,” Chuuya replied quietly. “You're cute.”

Dazai stared at him.

“Except for being an enormous pain in the ass.”

“I think I should be the one saying that.”

“Well, you like it, and it’s your fault for saying ‘Faste—’”

“OKAY, I GET IT!”

Dazai quickly looked away, his face betraying his embarrassment.

Chuuya looked like he was about to burst out laughing.

“You look so stupid right now.”

Dazai answered with nothing but an offended glare.

Chuuya chuckled before leaning closer again, resting his head against Dazai’s shoulder.

For a moment, everything was quiet.

Then—

RIING.

Dazai’s phone suddenly rang.

Chuuya glanced at the screen.

Kunikida Doppo.

“Who’s it?” Dazai asked.

“Four Eyes,” Chuuya replied dryly.

 “Ah.”

Chuuya stared at it.

Silence.

“...Don't answer it,” Chuuya said.

Dazai slowly smiled.

“I wasn't planning to.”

The phone continued ringing.

“He's persistent,” Chuuya muttered.

“He's checking on me to make sure I am alive..”

The ringing stopped.

Both of them sighed in relief.

Then it immediately started again.

Kunikida Doppo— 2 missed calls

They ignored it once again.

Kunikida doppo— Three missed calls

“Let me just pick it up and say I’m not coming today,” Dazai suggested.

“Let’s get this shit over with,” Chuuya muttered, clearly irritated.

Dazai coughed before picking up the call.

“Why, hello, Kunikida-kun! What an honor. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

There was a brief silence.

“...Dazai.”

Kunikida’s voice was dangerously calm.

Dazai’s smile faltered.

“Y-Yes?”

“YOU WORTHLESS CAT! WHERE ARE YOU?! YOU’RE LATE AGAIN!”

The shout was so loud Dazai had to pull the phone away from his ear.

Chuuya covered his mouth, barely containing his laughter.

“My dear Kunikida-kun,” Dazai whined, immediately switching into his most pitiful voice. “The poor, unfortunate me is terribly sick in bed. I have a fever, a sore throat, and absolutely no strength to even get up.”

Chuuya nearly snorted.

The performance was so dramatic it sounded like Dazai had rehearsed it.

“You’re sick?” Kunikida asked, slightly less furious.

“Very sick.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

Dazai paused.

“...I forgot?”

“YOU FORGOT?!”

“Ah, yes. Terrible memory, you know.”

“Dazai, you are unbelievable.”

“I know, Kunikida-kun. It’s one of my many charms.”

“That wasn’t a compliment!”

“Anyway, since I am clearly in no condition to work today, I’ll be taking the day off. Possibly tomorrow too.”

“Absolutely not! You can’t just decide—”

“Ahem.”

Dazai coughed dramatically.

“...Fine,” Kunikida sighed. “Rest today. But I’m checking on you later.”

Dazai’s eyes widened.

“No!”

A beat of silence.

“I mean…no need! I’ll be perfectly fine. Resting. Alone. Completely alone.”

Chuuya raised an eyebrow at dazai not being able to lie.

The Dazai Osamu not being able to lie.

‘Damn…Did I mess with his ability to lie immaculately?’ Chuuya thought.

 His grin faded slightly as he looked at Dazai again.

...Is he actually okay?

He looked genuinely concerned.

As for kunikida,

He went quiet.

“...Why did you emphasize ‘alone’?”

Dazai froze.

“ *Cough* I am urgently in need for a rest. Goodbye, Kunikida-kun!”

“DAZAI—”

Click.

Dazai immediately ended the call.

Silence.

Chuuya stared at him.

Dazai stared back.

Then Chuuya burst out laughing.

At the agency

Kunikida stared at his phone.

The call had ended.

He slowly lowered it.

Silence filled the office.

Atsushi looked up from his work.

“...What happened?”

Kunikida’s eye twitched.

“Dazai.”

That single word was enough.

Atsushi immediately understood.

“Ah.”

Ranpo, who had been lying across the couch, lazily opened one eye.

“He’s not coming, is he?”

“No.”

Kunikida adjusted his glasses.

“He claims to be sick.”

Atsushi blinked.

“Is he actually sick?”

Kunikida paused.

“...I don't know.”

Ranpo sat up.

“He's lying.” Kunikida spoke.

"Yet...he isn't lying." Ranpo said calmly and continued "He is sick and can't get up...but he's not sick."

Kunikida looked at him.

“You didn't even hear the conversation and how is one sick but, not sick?”

“I don't need to, and there are thousands of reasons that can happen.”

"Well." Ranpo stretched before continuing. " He is tired, probably hasn't slept in a day or two"

Atsushi stared.

“That's... actually a good point.”

Kunikida sighed.

“He said he had a fever, a sore throat, and couldn't get out of bed.”

“Sounds believable,” Atsushi said.

Kunikida's expression darkened.

“Then explain why he became suspiciously defensive when I said I'd check on him.”

Ranpo grinned.

“Oh?” Ranpo was enjoying this. Dazai messing up, oh it would be funny if his relationship with chuuya was exposed.

The thought made Ranpo want to burst out laughing.

Surely Yosano would think the same.

 Ranpo eyed Yosano, who just grinned with a amused face that screamed ‘Our little brother's relationship is gonna get exposed' 

They were both smirking, thinking about it was funny enough.

“He specifically said he would be ‘resting. Alone. Completely alone.’”

Atsushi slowly looked at Kunikida.

“...He said that?”

“Yes.”

Ranpo burst out laughing.

“HAHA! He actually said that?!”

Kunikida slammed his notebook onto the desk.

“EXACTLY! Why would anyone emphasize that unless there was something suspicious?!”

Atsushi hesitated.

“Maybe... he really just wanted to be alone?”

Everyone stared at him.

Atsushi shrank slightly.

“...Never mind.”

Kunikida pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I am going to check on him later.”

Ranpo immediately grinned.

“You're going to catch him.”

“I am going to verify whether he is actually sick.”

“Sure, just go tomorrow.”

Kunikida narrowed his eyes.

“What?”

“Tomorrow. I bet he's not home today.”

Ranpo smiled innocently.

“And make sure you knock first.”

Kunikida stared at him.

“Why?”

Ranpo's grin widened.

“No reason. Just do as I say.”

‘Alright! Fine.”

Kunikida had a very bad feeling about this.

Later that night.

Group :-

The Agency's Intelligence Department

I know your secrets: Osamu, how did you mess up THAT bad? Lmfao.

Slay Girl Boss: Yaaa, why did you emphasize “alone”?

Slay Girl Boss: Kunikida’s sus af.

Slay Girl Boss: And Ranpo had to save ya ass by saying that Kunikida should check up on you later.

Menace to society: BRAHH.

Menace to society: I WAS TIRED, I FORGOT WHAT TO SAY!

Menace to society: Stupid chibi’s fault.

Menace to society: And thanku, Ranpo. I’ll give you sweets imported from France.

I know your secrets: HAH! Now you’re talking in my language.

Slay Girl Boss: Wow, I get nothing? TOT

Menace to society: New clothes and wine.

Slay Girl Boss: Deal.

Slay Girl Boss: Stay prepared for Kunikida’s wellness check-up >U<

Menace to society: Will, dww. Imma go sleep, I’m tired af.

I know your secrets: He really tired you out, no?

Menace to society: Fuck he did.

Slay Girl Boss: When’s my turn to have a hot and rich woman beside me? L

Slay Girl Boss: Welp.

Slay Girl Boss: Bye, I’m gonna sleep too.

Slay Girl Boss: Good night, Zai~ <3

Menace to society: Dw, Kouyou is very interested.

Slay Girl Boss: I am too.

Menace to society: Well, good night, Akiko.

Menace to society: And Ranpo.

I know your secrets: Good night to both of ya. ^v^

Dazai was laying comfortably on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

Chuuya sat nearby, scrolling through his phone.

For several minutes, neither of them said anything.

Then Dazai spoke.

“Oh, by the way, Kunikida is coming over tomorrow.”

Chuuya slowly lowered his phone.

“...What?”

“Kunikida.”

“I heard you.”

Chuuya stared at him.

“Why the hell is Kunikida coming here?”

Dazai shrugged.

“He wants to check on me.”

“Check on you?”

“Apparently.”

Chuuya narrowed his eyes.

“Why?”

Dazai remained silent.

Then Chuuya's windows started working, right; the call

"Holy shit." Chuuya started busting out.

"Shut up." Dazai glared.

Chuuya didn't care at all, he kept laughing. 

Dazai cleared his throat and said,

“Anyway,” Dazai continued, sitting up, “Kunikida said he'll check on me tomorrow.”

Chuuya's amusement slowly disappeared.

“Wait.”

Dazai looked at him.

“Where is he gonna check up on you?”

“In my apartment,” Dazai replied. “So, drive me over there tomorrow.”

Chuuya simply stared at him.

“Why not go right now?”

“Your house is comfortable, and I’m sleepy.”

Chuuya blinked.

“...So you want to stay here tonight?”

Dazai nodded, already settling back against the pillows.

“Obviously.”

“Why?”

“Because your bed is comfortable and I want to be with my husband.”

Chuuya sighed.

“You're unbelievable.”

Dazai smiled lazily.

“And yet, you still love me.”

“Unfortunately.”

“Love you too, Chibiko.” Dazai teased, his smile reaching his eyes.

Chuuya just looked at him as if he were committing the moment to memory, treasuring it as something precious.

“What’s Chuuya looking at?” Dazai questioned with eagerness.

“Nothing.”

“Is Chuuya lying? *Dramatic gasp* Don’t you know it’s bad!”

“Oh shut up”

Chuuya rolled his eyes, but the small smile on his face gave him away.

Chuuya pulled Dazai closer, holding him in a tight embrace as he gently played with Dazai’s curls.

Chuuya pressed a soft kiss to Dazai’s forehead, lingering for a moment before pulling away.
“Goodnight, mackerel,” he murmured.

“Mmh… goodnight, Chuuya…” Dazai whispered, a small smile tugging at his lips.

Small

Yet,

 sincere.

They both fell asleep in each other’s embrace.

Morning light filtered through the curtains, gently pulling Dazai from his sleep. He blinked awake and found Chuuya still asleep beside him.

The sight of Chuuya sleeping so peacefully, without a care in the world, brought a small smile to Dazai’s face.

For a moment, he simply watched him.

Chuuya looked different when he was asleep softer, almost peaceful.

 Dazai reached out and gently brushed a few stray strands of hair away from his face before leaning down and planting a soft kiss on his cheek.

“Good morning, Chuuya,” he whispered.

Carefully, Dazai slipped out of bed, making sure not to wake him.

His feet touched the floor, and he paused for a moment as a dull ache spread through his back He winced faintly, placing a hand against his lower back before straightening himself and quietly making his way toward the kitchen.

If Chuuya was going to sleep in for once, Dazai figured he could at least make him breakfast.

He opened the refrigerator and gathered some ingredients, placing them on the counter before turning toward the stove.

Every now and then, Dazai glanced toward the bedroom, checking to make sure Chuuya was still asleep.

A small smile returned to his face.

He wanted Chuuya to wake up to something nice.

Dazai took a careful step forward.

The dull ache in his back hadn't completely faded, but he ignored it and continued toward the stove.

He was almost there when his foot caught against the edge of the rug.

“Ah—”

His balance gave out.

Dazai stumbled forward, instinctively reaching for the counter. His hand caught the edge just in time, preventing him from hitting the floor.

He let out a small breath and slowly pulled himself upright.

“...That was close.”

He steadied himself against the counter for a moment before attempting another step.

Unfortunately, his balance betrayed him again.

“Wait—”

His hand slipped from the counter.

This time, there was nothing to catch him.

His leg struck the edge of the cabinet as he fell, and he landed awkwardly on the floor with a startled gasp.

For a moment, he simply stayed there, blinking at the ceiling.

“...Ow.”

He slowly shifted, one hand moving to his lower back as he grimaced.

Then he glanced down at his leg, rubbing the spot where he'd hit it.

The pain wasn't unbearable, but it was certainly new.

Dazai glanced toward the bedroom.

Chuuya was still asleep.

“Good,” he murmured.

He didn't need Chuuya waking up and fussing over him.

Using the counter for support, Dazai slowly pulled himself back onto his feet.

The moment he put weight on his injured leg, he winced.

“Ah...”

He stood still for a moment before carefully taking another step.

He was left with a slight limp.

Dazai sighed.

“Well... that's inconvenient.”

Still, breakfast wasn't going to make itself.

He straightened himself as much as he could and returned to the counter, forcing himself to focus on preparing the food.

Dazai eventually finished breakfast and carefully placed everything on the table. He glanced toward the bedroom, wondering when Chuuya would wake up.

They had to leave for Dazai's apartment soon. It wasn't exactly close, and Dazai still had to get himself ready.

Dazai sighed softly before walking back toward the bedroom, he was slightly limping but it wasn’t that much of a deal.

“Chuuya,” he called gently. “Wake up.”

Chuuya shifted beneath the blankets but didn't open his eyes.

“hmm...”

“We have to go to my apartment remember?.”

That immediately earned a groan from Chuuya.

“This early?”

“Mhm.” Dazai smiled. “We have to eat, take a bath, and then leave. You can just pick me up later after you're done with work.”

He paused before continuing, “And you know Kunikida. He'll be there early and ready to go. I don't wanna be late.”

Chuuya opened one eye and glared at him.

“You're the one who's always late and lazy.”

“Quite lying chibi, I always cook breakfast for you.”

“That doesn't make you less annoying.”

Dazai grinned.

“Come on, Chuuya. Get up. Your breakfast is waiting.”

Chuuya reluctantly sat up, running a hand through his messy hair before noticing Dazai's slight limp.

His expression changed.

“...You're limping.”

Dazai immediately smiled innocently.

“Am I?”

“Dazai.”

“…”

“What happened?”

“…I fell.”

“Wha—How?”

“…”

“Answer me.”

“The floor looks really nice.”

“Dazai. Answer. Me.”

“…Fine~”

“Sooo... I was making breakfast, and I fell. I used the counter to get back up, but then I fell again and hit my leg on it. But it's really not a big deal.”

“...Seriously?”

Chuuya put a hand over his face and sighed.

“Did you at least ice it?”

“...No.” Dazai replied sheepishly.

“You big idiot.”

Chuuya sighed again, already knowing this was going to be a long morning.

Chuuya stared at him for a moment before sighing.

“Stay here.”

“Hm?”

“I'm getting some ice.”

Dazai blinked.

“You don't have to—”

“I said stay.”

Dazai smiled faintly.

“Alright, alright.”

Chuuya walked into the kitchen and returned a moment later with an ice pack wrapped in a towel.

He crouched beside Dazai and carefully placed it against the spot on his leg.

Dazai flinched slightly at the cold.

“Cold.”

“That's the point.”

Dazai looked down at him, a small smile tugging at his lips.

“You're taking good care of me, Chuuya.”

“Don't get used to it.”

“Mhm.”

Chuuya adjusted the ice pack, making sure it stayed in place.

“You are really stupid for a genius, you know?”

“Several times a day.”

“I wasn't complimenting you.”

“I know.”

Chuuya sighed, but the corner of his mouth lifted slightly.

“Just keep it there for a while.”

Dazai glanced down at the ice pack before looking back at Chuuya.

“Hmph. Chibi is such a good dog.”

Chuuya paused and stared at Dazai.

“I AM NOT YOUR DOG!”

“As I said, you act and bark like one.”

“I am going to break your leg if you say that again.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“I’m serious.”

“Oh... how scary~”

Chuuya rolled his eyes.

“I’m just going to change.”

He got up and started to leave, but before he could walk out, Dazai spoke.

“Well... thank you,” Dazai muttered.

Chuuya stopped.

He looked back at him and smiled softly.

“I know.”

Chuuya clicked his tongue and looked away.

“I still don't forgive you for calling me a dog, though.”

Afterward, Dazai and Chuuya ate in silence.

Though Dazai did blabber about a few things, mostly about how Kunikida made him work far too much.

Things Chuuya had already heard countless times before.

And yet, he listened anyway.

Once they finished, Chuuya went ahead and took a cold bath.

He dressed in his usual civilian disguise, the one he wore whenever he wanted to blend in. A simple, dark shirt paired with black trousers, with a casual jacket thrown over it. His hair was tied back beneath a black cap with red stripes, with a few simple silver earrings decorating his ears. A golden necklace rested around his neck, his wedding ring hanging from it.

He looked down at the ring, a quiet reminder of their married life. Peaceful... well, not exactly peaceful, but peaceful enough.

He smiled before carefully tucking it beneath his shirt.

Nothing too expensive.

Nothing that screamed Port Mafia Executive.

(P.S:- Dazai and Chuuya both wear their wedding rings on their necklace and tuck them beneath their clothes to hide it from others.)                        

Chuuya grabbed his jacket and slipped it on before checking himself in the mirror one last time.

Dazai was already waiting by the door.

“Ready?”

“Mhm.”

Chuuya opened the door and stepped outside, Dazai following close behind.

They made their way downstairs to Chuuya's motorcycle.

Dazai glanced at it before looking at Chuuya.

“You're driving me, right?”

“Obviously.”

Dazai smiled and climbed onto the back.

“Let's go, Chuuya.”

“Hold on.” Chuuya warned.

Dazai wrapped his arms around Chuuya as the engine roared to life.

The ride to Dazai's apartment was relatively quiet, aside from Dazai occasionally pointing out random things along the way.

Eventually, they arrived.

Chuuya parked outside the apartment building and switched off the engine.

Dazai carefully climbed off before turning toward him.

“Well, we're here.”

“Yeah.”

Chuuya glanced at him, his eyes briefly dropping toward Dazai's leg.

“You sure you're fine?”

“Mhm. I'm perfectly fine.”

“...Right.”

Dazai grinned.

“Don't worry, Chuuya. I'll be good.”

“That's exactly what I'm worried about.”

Dazai laughed softly before turning toward the entrance.

“I'll see you later.”

“Yeah. Take care of yourself.”

Dazai gave him a small wave before disappearing inside.

Chuuya waited until he was safely through the entrance before putting his helmet back on.

He was exhausted.

He had slept  the previous night, but he wanted to sleep more and with no work until later, there was only one place he wanted to be.

Home.

And, more importantly, his bed.

Chuuya started the motorcycle, went back to his penthouse, parked his car and headed in.

He took off his shoes and jacket  and headed straight for his bedroom.

He made it to his bedroom and collapsed stright onto the bed.

He didn't even bother changing. The clothes he had were comfortable enough.

The moment his head hit the pillow, he was asleep.

There was a problem with Dazai's apartment.

It looked far too normal.

Too normal for someone's apartment who was supposedly sick.

Sure, he could say he'd recovered and was feeling better than yesterday.

But if he wanted Kunikida to believe he was sick, Dazai needed to make it look like he was actually sick.

Dazai went to the bathroom with some makeup.

He first applied a small amount of concealer to his lips, blending it out until they looked noticeably paler.

He then mixed a little brown eyeshadow with black and the slightest hint of purple, carefully applying it beneath his eyes.

He dabbed a little blush onto his nose and cheeks, giving his face a slightly flushed appearance.

Then he messed up his hair, leaving a few loose strands framing his face.

When he looked in the mirror, the effect was subtle but convincing.

He looked tired.

Sick, even.

Dazai smiled at his reflection.

“Perfect.”

Well, now it was time for his room.

Returning to his room, Dazai spread out his futon before placing a low wooden table beside it.

He went to get a glass of water, bringing the water bottle with him.

He placed both on the table.

Then came the tissues and tissue box.

Then a few medicine packets he'd found in the cabinet.

Dazai stared at the arrangement.

“Hm.”

He picked up one of the tissues and deliberately left it crumpled beside him.

Much better.

He grabbed a blanket from the closet and draped it over himself before settling onto the futon, wrapping himself up like an oversized cat burrito.

Making himself look as miserable as possible.

Perfect.

Afterwards, he pulled the blanket higher for comfort.

His leg was still aching, but at least that part wasn't pretend.

At nine-thirty, there was a knock at the door.

Dazai immediately let his expression drop.

He made himself look tired before calling out.

“Come in...”

The door opened.

Kunikida stepped inside, his eyes immediately scanning the room.

His gaze landed on Dazai.

Then the blanket.

Then the tissues.

Then the glass of water.

Then the medicine.

His eyes narrowed.

“...You're actually sick?”

Dazai gave him a weak smile.

“Told you.”

His voice came out noticeably hoarse.

Kunikida paused.

That caught him off guard.

Dazai's voice genuinely sounded rough.

“You sound terrible.”

Dazai coughed lightly.

“I feel terrible.”

Kunikida walked closer, still suspicious.

He looked Dazai over carefully.

“You have a fever?”

“Mhm.”

“Did you check?”

“...Not recently. But I did have one yesterday.”

Kunikida sighed.

“Of course.”

He reached over and placed the back of his hand against Dazai's forehead.

Dazai resisted the urge to smile.

“You don't feel particularly warm.”

“Maybe I'm just naturally cold.”

“That's not how fevers work.”

“Worth a try.”

Kunikida gave him an exhausted look.

“I'm having a difficult morning, Kunikida. Do you know that I fell? And I've been limping! The poor me, having to go through so much pain.”

Dazai's over-the-top performance was exactly what Kunikida had come to expect from him.

And yet...

Something about it still felt weird.

Dazai might actually be sick, Kunikida reasoned. Perhaps he was simply overthinking things.

Kunikida sighed.

“Alright, I get it.”

“Look, even my own partner doesn't care! At this point, I should just die!”

Kunikida ignored Dazai's ramblings. It was, of course, for the sake of his own sanity.

Kunikida's eyes moved over Dazai's face.

He looked unusually pale.

There were dark circles beneath his eyes, and his cheeks and nose had a faint flush to them. Even his lips looked paler than usual.

Kunikida stared for a moment.

He really does look sick.

Dazai, meanwhile, silently congratulated himself as soon as Kunikida's eyes began inspecting his face.

The makeup had worked perfectly.

Kunikida once again looked around the apartment.

His eyes lingered on the tissues, medicine, and glass of water.

Something still wasn't sitting right with him.

He narrowed his eyes.

He still had to confirm his suspicion.

“Are you sure you're not exaggerating this?”

Dazai placed a hand against his chest.

“Kunikida-kun, I would never lie about my suffering.”

“You lie about everything.”

“That's hurtful.”

Kunikida sighed.

“Whatever. You can stay home today.”

Dazai's expression immediately brightened.

“Really?”

“Yes. But you're coming in tomorrow.”

Dazai's smile faltered.

“Tomorrow?”

“Yes, tomorrow. Whether you're feeling better or not.”

“But what if I'm still dying?”

“You'll survive.”

Kunikida turned toward the door.

“And actually rest. Don't go wandering around.”

“I wouldn't dream of it.”

Kunikida stopped and glanced back at him.

“I'm serious, Dazai.”

Dazai gave him an innocent smile.

“I know.”

Kunikida narrowed his eyes one last time before leaving.

The door clicked shut.

Dazai waited.

As soon as Kunikida's footsteps faded into the distance, his tired expression disappeared.

A victorious grin spread across his face.

“Perfect.”

He sank back into the blanket.

“Now... what should I do with my day off?”

Well, he had a lot of things he could do.

He could bother Chuuya, but Chuuya would probably just cut the call.

“Hah... what a sad life I have,” Dazai sighed dramatically.

Then, his eyes sparkled.

He had an idea.

He could just message Yosano and Ranpo!

They'd probably be online.

I mean, it wasn't like either of them had much work unless they actually had to.

Dazai immediately reached for his phone.

If he had to spend the day resting, he might as well make sure nobody else got any peace else.

Group :-

The Agency's Intelligence Department

Menace to society: I'm bored.

I know your secrets: Skill issue.

Menace to society: Ranpo.

I know your secrets: Dazai.

Menace to society: I am suffering from a terrible illness and you show no sympathy.

Slay Girl Boss: You're not even sick.

Menace to society: Yosano! You're supposed to be the doctor here!

Slay Girl Boss: Exactly.

Slay Girl Boss: And I know you're full of shit.

Menace to society: Cruel.

I know your secrets: He's definitely bored.

Menace to society: YES.

Menace to society: Kunikida told me to rest.

I know your secrets: So rest.

Menace to society: I have been resting for hours.

Slay Girl Boss: It's been thirty minutes.

Menace to society: A TORTUROUS THIRTY MINUTES.

I know your secrets: Skill issue.

Menace to society: Stop saying that.

I know your secrets: Skill issue.

Menace to society: I hate both of you.

Slay Girl Boss: No, you don't.

Menace to society: Unfortunately, you're right.

I know your secrets: Aww. Family bonding.

Menace to society: Shut up.

Slay Girl Boss: So what exactly do you want us to do about your boredom?

Menace to society: Entertain me.

I know your secrets: No.

Menace to society: Yosano?

Slay Girl Boss: Absolutely not.

Menace to society: This is discrimination against the sick.

Slay Girl Boss: You're not sick.

Menace to society: I have a sore throat.

I know your secrets: From talking too much.

Menace to society: ...

Menace to society: I am leaving this family.

Slay Girl Boss: You're not going anywhere.

I know your secrets: You can't even leave your own apartment.

Menace to society: I hate this family.

Menace to society: And I can leave my apartment if I want to.

I know your secrets: As if

Menace to society: Brahhhh

Menace to society: You know what? I am just gonna go and bake sum shit and cook food.

Slay Girl Boss: Gimme too~!

I know your secrets: Me three.

Menace to society: No~

Slay Girl Boss: Fuck you.

I know your secrets: I will tell Kunikida that you are lying.

Menace to society: Fine. I’ll make you sum tomorrow.

Menace to society: And for you too Akiko.

Slay Girl Boss: AWWW

Slay Girl Boss: Our younger brother loves uss~!!

Menace to society: No Tf I don’t!!!

Menace to society: This is misinformation.

I know your secrets: Says the guy who has every gift and pictures of us saved in a corner of his closet.

Slay Girl Boss: Aww~ Didn’t know Osamu was the cutie type.

Menace to society: OH MY GOD!!

Menace to society: LIE!!

Menace to society: A BIG FAT LIE.

Menace to society: I AM GOING TO SLEEP!! I HATE YOU BOTH.

I know your secrets: Yaa~~ sure you do

Slay Girl Boss: So shy~~

Slay Girl Boss: Bye zai~!

Slay Girl Boss: Mwah! Ily

I know your secrets: He went offline from embarrassment lmfao >V<

Slay Girl Boss: I know right!

The next morning, Dazai arrived at the Agency carrying several neatly packed bags.

He pushed the door open with his shoulder, carefully balancing everything in his arms.

“Good morning, everyone~!”

A few heads turned toward him.

Kunikida looked up from his notebook.

His eyes immediately landed on the bags.

Then on Dazai.

Then back at the bags.

“Dazai.”

Dazai paused.

“Yes?”

“What the hell is that?”

Dazai glanced down at the bags in his hands.

“Food?”

“I can see that!”

“Then why did you ask?”

"Why did you bring food here!"

Kunikida's eyebrow twitched.

"Hey!! the Amazing, great and gorgeous Osamu Dazai cooked you food!! Be grateful!!"

Kunikida's  brain short-circuited

Dazai...and cooking?

Wait?

“You were sick yesterday!”

“I feel better today.”

“And apparently decided that was the perfect time to cook enough food to feed the entire Agency?”

Dazai smiled innocently.

“I was bored.”

“You were supposed to rest.”

“I did.”

“Then when did you cook all of this?”

Dazai paused.

“...After resting.”

Kunikida stared at him.

“How long were you cooking?”

“Not long.”

“Dazai.”

“Fine. A few hours.”

Kunikida sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“You're unbelievable.”

Dazai grinned.

“I know.”

Before Kunikida could continue, Ranpo had already appeared beside Dazai.

“Is that Cake?”

Dazai smiled.

“Good morning to you too, Ranpo.”

“Is it mine?”

“Maybe.”

Ranpo was already reaching for one of the bags.

“I knew you loved me.”

“I don't.”

“You made me Cake.”

“That proves nothing.”

Yosano glanced up from her desk, amusement spreading across her face.

“You actually did it?”

Dazai held up one of the bags.

“I am a man of my word.”

“You said yesterday that you hated us.”

“I can hate you and still feed you.”

Yosano laughed.

“Fair enough.”

Dazai walked over and began setting the bags down on the table.

“This one is for Ranpo.”

Ranpo immediately snatched it.

“And this one is for Akiko.”

Yosano accepted hers with a pleased smile.

“Thanks, Zai.”

“You're welcome.”

Dazai then placed another container on the table.

“Kunikida-kun.”

Kunikida looked at it suspiciously.

“For me?”

“No, for the imaginary person sitting behind you.”

Kunikida stared at him.

“...Dazai.”

“Yes?”

“Don't start.”

Dazai laughed and slid the container toward him.

“I made something simple. You always complain when people skip breakfast.”

Kunikida looked down at the food.

Then back at Dazai.

“You remembered that?”

“Of course.”

Kunikida sighed.

“You're impossible.”

Dazai merely smiled and moved on.

“Atsushi-kun.”

Atsushi blinked when Dazai handed him a container.

“For me too?”

“Mhm. It's chazuke.”

Atsushi's face lit up.

“Thank you, Dazai-san!”

“Don't mention it.”

Next came Tanizaki and Naomi.

“I wasn't sure what either of you would want, so I made enough for both.”

Naomi immediately smiled.

“That's so sweet!”

Tanizaki accepted his with a small smile.

“Thanks, Dazai-san.”

Kenji practically bounced when Dazai handed him his portion.

“Whoa! You made all of this yourself?”

“Unfortunately.”

“That makes it even better!”

Dazai laughed.

“You're easy to please, Kenji-kun.”

Then came Kyoka.

Dazai turned toward her with a small smile.

“And this is for you, Kyoka-chan.”

He held out a neatly packed container.

“Tofu!”

Kyoka looked at the box, somewhat surprised.

Her expression softened into a warm smile as she accepted it.

“Thank you, Dazai-nii...”

“No problem~”

Kyoka hugged the container lightly against herself.

Finally, Dazai placed a smaller, neatly wrapped package on Fukuzawa's desk.

“And this is for you, President.”

Fukuzawa looked at the package, then at Dazai.

“Thank you, Dazai.”

Dazai smiled.

“Of course.”

For a moment, the Agency was strangely quiet.

Everyone was looking at their food.

Atsushi looked down at the container in his hands, his expression slowly softening.

“You remembered exactly what I like.”

Dazai shrugged.

“It's not that difficult.”

Yosano opened hers next.

“And mine too.”

“Lucky guess.”

Kunikida looked over at him.

“You did this for everyone.”

Dazai blinked innocently.

“Did I?”

“Yes.”

“Hm.”

He smiled.

“Maybe I'm just secretly a very generous person.”

Ranpo snorted.

“You're secretly a softie.”

“I'll take your cake back.”

“No.”

Yosano immediately pulled hers closer.

“Too late.”

Dazai sighed dramatically.

“You people are so ungrateful.”

Kunikida shook his head, but there was a faint smile on his face.

“You're unbelievable.”

Dazai grinned.

“I know.”

Later that evening, Chuuya returned to his penthouse.

He noticed the neatly packed box sitting on the table almost immediately.

A small note was attached to it.

From your dear husband.

Chuuya stared at it for a moment before sighing.

“...Dazai.”

He opened the box and found a carefully prepared meal inside.

A small smile tugged at his lips.

The food was still warm.

He had barely finished eating when the front door opened.

“Chuuya~!”

Chuuya glanced over.

“Finally.”

Dazai walked inside and dropped onto the couch beside him.

“I made you food, you know.”

Chuuya raised an eyebrow.

“I noticed.”

“And I made food for everyone at the Agency too.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm. Everyone was so happy about it.”

Dazai leaned back dramatically.

“Do you know how exhausting it is to cook for that many people?”

Chuuya listened quietly.

“And then Ranpo practically stole his cake from me, Yosano kept teasing me, Kunikida wouldn't stop complaining about how much I'd cooked...”

Dazai continued rambling, jumping from one complaint to another.

Chuuya simply listened.

Eventually, Dazai's voice began to quiet.

“And then...”

He yawned.

“...I had to come all the way here.”

Chuuya looked at him.

“You done complaining?”

“Not even remotely.”

Chuuya chuckled softly.

Then he leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss to Dazai's cheek.

Dazai blinked.

“...Chuuya?”

“Thanks for the food, idiot.”

Dazai's expression softened.

Chuuya wrapped an arm around him and pulled him into a comfortable hug.

Dazai relaxed against him almost immediately.

“...You're welcome.”

Neither of them said anything after that.

The exhaustion of the day finally caught up with them.

Still wrapped in each other's arms, they slowly drifted off to sleep.