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When high school started, Atsumu was different. He was more apologetic, subdued. Of course, he was still loud and cocky, but something changed in his gaze— the way he glanced at others to make sure he was allowed to speak. It all started in middle school— the setter was only 14. He met a guy online. They were friends at first. He was cool. His gamertag was fufuu6139, so Atsumu just assumed he was another kid the same age as him. They hit it off instantly, eventually meeting in real life. Then it was revealed that his beloved fufuu6139 was actually a 23 year old man. So what? Atsumu thought. It’s fine to have older friends.
It started small at first. A little oh, you’re eating so much today! here, maybe some are you sure you want to do that? there. It all progressed when Atsumu caught feelings and confessed. Of course his beloved fufuu, or whom he now knows as Fumihiko, accepted. Then things started getting weird.
fumii !! 💕
19:37
fumii !! 💕 : hey baby ! wyd rn?
you : practicing volleyball with samu !!
fumii !! 💕: really? that’s not so useful ☺️
you : what about you?
you : oh..
The warning signs were there, but the blond ignored all of them. Fumihiko would never hurt him.
“Come on, just once? Please, I wanna be your first!” the brunette begged, but Atsumu stood firm. “Fumi, no. ‘M 14, yer not gonna take my first time.” His eyes widened, anger flashing through it for just a moment before it was replaced by hurt. “Is this because you don’t think we’ll last forever? You don’t wanna lose your virginity to me because you’re planning on sleeping with other men?” The setter’s eyes widened as he started to stammer guilty apologies. “N-no! No, I’m sorry! ‘M just not ready, I swear I’ll do it with ya when I’m ready!” “Good boy, ‘Tsumu.”
It was disgusting. Of course, Atsumu didn’t enjoy it. He threw up the entire week’s worth of food after, but he was so blinded by love he simply let himself be walked all over.
“Come on, just talk to them!” Fumihiko insisted, knowing his younger lover was hesitant. “Baby, I can’t. Ye know it’d be like cheating on ya, and I can’t do that.”
“It wouldn’t be cheating if I explicitly permitted you to. Please, Tsumu baby? Just talk to them for the day, get a couple thousand yen. Put that pretty face to work, yeah? I’ll even let you keep ¥20 to buy a new volleyball or whatever it was you like.”
Soon, his secret boyfriend’s little whispers were everywhere. When eating out with Osamu, he’d hear a faint “Tsumu, you’re eating all of that?” then immediately lose his appetite and give his food to his twin. Sometimes a quiet “god, you’re always so needy!” when asking his mom to make him some food, or a “do you always have to spend so much?” when looking at some store displays that he really wants.
A lot happened within the whole 8 months that Atsumu and Fumihiko secretly dated in Atsumu’s second year of middle school. So much, someone even died. Atsumu lives with the grief and the guilt that followed that lost life every single day. It all started during a party Fumihiko was hosting…
fumii !! 💕
fumii !! 💕: baby, can you invite as many friends as you can?
fumii !! 💕: to my party tonight
you : why though? aren’t we secret?
fumii !! 💕: yeah, but nobody’s gonna know. just say you got the invitation from a friend of a friend and you were told to invite more people. just don’t invite people you’re too close to, like osamu.
you : okay !!
read, 16:42
The second the party started, Atsumu already had a bad gut feeling. He pushed it down, assuming it was just a buzz from having his first alcoholic drink. In the middle of the party, the music suddenly cut. Fumihiko’s voice rang out along the entire house, “everyone! Gather around in the living room, we’re gonna play some party games!”
Immediately, everyone rushed in. The games were fun, until the lights dimmed. Atsumu’s hands started to shake for no reason. Fumihiko called out, “Let’s play hit the tail on the donkey!” He seemingly chose a random person to play. It was a boy, slightly chubby with some acne. The blond knew him as Haruto, a really smart classmate of his. He was the only student in his school that he invited to the party, since they didn’t know each other too well but were close enough friends to invite each other out. He assumed Haruto could use some party time, as he was at the top of their class and mentioned pressure from his parents to stay at the top every now and then. They blindfolded the boy before spinning him around and giving him the donkey tail. The moment Haruto began searching for the printout donkey on the wall, the lights came on. Atsumu’s blood froze in his veins. Instead of a donkey on the wall, it was a photo of Haruto himself, taken from behind, wherein he was looking backwards at the camera. Let’s say.. the outcome wasn’t close to good.
The moment Haruto took off his blindfold, his smile dropped. He stared at the photo for a solid thirty seconds, before looking at everyone, who were all laughing and had their phones out. He turned to Atsumu, “you planned this, didn’t you? You were the one who made sure I’d be here! I thought we were friends,” Haruto yelled, before bursting out sobbing and running out of the party. “Wait! I- I didn’t—“ All the setter felt was guilt. He knew it wasn’t his fault, but he still felt guilty.
The next morning, Atsumu opened his phone to see a message from his brother.
samu 🍙
samu 🍙: tsumu
samu 🍙: tsumu
samu 🍙: have you heard the news?
you : what, samu????
you : i’m sleeping over at my friends place and ur texting me so early in the morning.
samu 🍙: haruto hanged himself last night.
you : .
you : what?
samu 🍙: you know, our class president? top student? the one who always helped us with homework?
samu 🍙: he hanged himself last night, he was found dead this morning
samu 🍙: did u not see the news? everyones texting about it.
samu 🍙: we’re going to his funeral, and his farewell ceremony at school.
read at 07:43
Atsumu couldn’t remember getting up. Couldn’t remember running to Fumihiko in his lover’s apartment. “Fumi! Fumi, what did you do?!” Atsumu yelled before he could think it through. “Do what?” the brunette asked, turning the faucet off. “Haruto was found dead last night, Fumihiko what have you done?”
The 23 year old looked at him like he was crazy. “Atsumu, that was all your fault.” “What? No! I had no idea you were gonna d—“ he was quickly cut off by his lover. “Not me, you. You made sure he was coming last night, you made sure everyone was gonna watch him get humiliated last night. This was all your fault. But it’s okay. I won’t tell anyone, I’ll take the blame for you, okay baby?”
Atsumu a month after that, when Fumihiko tried to strangle him. He blocked Fumihiko everywhere and abandoned everything Fumihiko knew about him— except for volleyball. When he entered high school with Osamu, he’d still kept the reputation of the cocky, loudmouthed setter twin, but the damage was done. It was subtle, but there. How he’d double check if it was okay to buy things at stores, how he looked around to see if anyone was gonna stop him from eating, how he always took the blame for things even when he was never even involved.
By his second year, the school knew him as arrogant but kind, Osamu thought he’d become softer within the span of 8 months, and the entire Inarizaki team assumed he’d always been that way. By his second year, he had another secret boyfriend. They’d begun talking in first year, where they bonded over their strong passion for volleyball. They started talking, wanting to keep it secret before telling anyone else. “I wanna have ya to m’self first, Omi-kun,” Atsumu said when they first began dating.
To Kiyoomi, reaching the one year mark was wonderful. It was finally time to tell everyone else— it was finally time to settle. To Atsumu however, it was different. Atsumu was terrified. He knew that he’d ruin Kiyoomi just like he ruined Fumihiko. He’d been surprised when they reached the one year mark without him ruining Kiyoomi’s life already, as he’d ruined Fumihiko’s in the short span of 8 months. That was why when Kiyoomi pulled out a promise ring during one of their dates, things didn’t go as the ace expected. He thought there would be an “oh my god, Omi!” or a dramatic “Omi, oh my god, you shouldn’t have!” Maybe a few tears shed, even. Nothing could have prepared him for when his lover stood up abruptly in the middle of his speech, eyes welling up with tears as he scrambled for his wallet. “Omi, you shouldn’t have spent all this money on me— I- ye.. how much was it? I’ll pay ya back, I—“ “Tsu!” Kiyoomi cut him off. “Do you.. do you not like it?” The blond’s eyes widened, hands coming up as he realized how he sounded right now. Hesitant, scared even, as if he wanted to deny the ring. “No, no of course not! I love it! I— I just, ya shouldn’ta spent so much money on me Omi! I’m gonna ruin yer life and yer gonna regret doin’ all’is for me!” Atsumu broke down sobbing in the Sakusa household living room as Kiyoomi swiftly tried to console him.
He dropped the velvet box onto the coffee table, taking the blond’s wrists to stop him from digging in his pockets for money he didn’t owe. “Atsu, honey, you don’t owe me anything! You won’t ruin anything, you couldn’t ruin my life even if you tried,” the ace sighed, kissing his lover’s forehead. “No.. Omi, ye don’t get it.. it’s been a year! Eight months is all it took last time, but it’s been a whole year! He’s dead Omi, he’s dead and it’s all my fault!”
The entire story came tumbling out of Atsumu’s trembling lips through sobs, Kiyoomi’s jaw clenched so tight he was sure a few teeth were getting loose. Suddenly, every weird quirk and odd habit Atsumu had clicked into place.
The way he refused to eat much at restaurants.
How he always refused gifts or paid back what he “owed”
By the time Atsumu finished, his voice was hoarse from the sobbing and yelling, and he was exhausted. The spiker looked at his lover, kissed his cheek and finally spoke. “He was a predator, honey. He was twenty-two and you were fourteen. You didn’t kill Haruto, he did, and he pinned all his cruelty on a child. All he did for you was manufacture debt.” The setter turned his head slightly in confusion, before asking “manufacture… debt? Omi, are ye makin’ words up again?” The ace chuckled. “No Tsu. Manufacturing debt, he made you feel like you were in debt to him for everything, even things he had no relation to. Like if you played well at a practice match, it’d be just because he was there, or if you earned money, you only earned it because he did this or that despite him doing absolutely nothing.”
“Woah.. Omi-Omi is so smart!”
Finally taking a closer look at the promise rings, he realized they were gorgeous. Thin, silver bands with two hearts engraved in the middle and M.A + S.K carved into the interior.
Currently, the Inarizaki and the Itachiyama boys volleyball teams are having lunch together after a match during their training camp. It was a restaurant with droolworthy traditional Hyogo dishes that the students all loved.
Atsumu had been feeling a lot better about himself since he told Kiyoomi about everything— eating more, buying the things he wants here and there, and acknowledging when things aren’t his fault. Kiyoomi thought they were making good progress. That was, until he heard it.
“Atsumu?”
All the boys sitting at the table whipped around to see an attractive man with dark brown hair, hazel eyes and round glasses that compliment his features perfectly. The setter stood up abruptly at the voice, turning around to see none other than “Fumihiko..?”
“That’s me! Did you miss me? You’re still as loud as ever, still haven’t changed huh?” The man spoke calmly. His voice sounded kind and tender, but Atsumu could hear the coldness. “I—.. You.. this can’t—“ Atsumu stammered, shrinking in place, but was cut off by his lover. “Is this the parasite?” Kiyoomi asked, standing up and walking toward the pair. Everyone was staring, but they couldn’t care less. “Excuse me? I’m talking to an old friend. I don’t know what lies he told you but—“ “You manufactured debt out of a fourteen year old child. You were twenty two, making a middle schooler pay interest to you for things he did himself. You made him feel guilty for a death that was your fault— the damage is already done, so if you ever step foot into Hyogo or anywhere Atsumu may be, I will leak every screenshot, every receipt and every video of you grooming a fourteen year old boy to the police. See how that turns out.” Fumihiko stammered, mouth opening and closing like a fish. He glanced around, seeing the angry and disgusted glares from the students, before rushing out of the restaurant. It was quiet for a moment, too quiet. So quiet that everyone heard when Atsumu finally broke. It was the first sob that tore everyone out of their heads. “Shhh, shh Tsu it’s okay.. he’s gone now,” the spiker reassured his lover.
The grey haired twin stood up abruptly, grabbing the attention of the other players who were scrambling and talking and trying to get up to console the crying setter. “Tsumu.. who was he?!” “Osamu.” Shinsuke’s voice cut through the chaos. “Sit down. Atsumu, do you want to tell us about what happened?” The words tumbled out of Atsumu’s mouth like water from a broken dam. He explained the story, everything, including how Haruto lost his life and his relation to it. When he looked up, he expected to see disgusted stares and angry glares, maybe even pity, but all he saw was sympathy and concern, maybe even guilt for not being able to protect their setter.
“Atsumu.. why didn’t you tell us? Osamu, even?” Rintarou asked, taking Osamu and Motoya’s hands under the table. “I.. I don’t know, I just felt like I deserved it.”
“Tsumu.. ye didn’t deserve any of that.”
“But.. but I killed ‘im, Aran-kun! ‘m an awful person. I’m just gettin’ the treatment I deserve.”
“Atsumu, nobody deserves anythin’ like that, no matter how awful they are.” Ren’s voice came out loud and clear, final. Michinari and Hitoshi nodded at his words, Shinsuke stepping forward to take Atsumu’s arm. “Would you like to press charges? Sakusa-san previously mentioned having evidence,” the bicolor-haired man said in his calming and gentle voice. “I.. no. Not really,” the setter replied quietly, leaning on Kiyoomi’s shoulder. The players all talked and made jokes, successfully cheering the setter up.
“Okay, now that the crisis is over and nobody’s dying,” Motoya started, gaining everyone’s attention. “Can we talk about how Tsumu and Kiyo are all buddy-buddy? Every time you guys come with Osamu, Rin and I, you always fight.” Tsukasa immediately shot up. “Motoya is right. Since when have you both been so close?” Atsumu smiled sheepishly, face reddening, while Kiyoomi looked away shyly. “Ah.. so.. ya see..” Atsumu started, bringing up his left hand to show his promise ring. “Omi-Omi gave me this promise ring last month, on our one year anniversary.”
………
“WHAT?!”
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end !! ♡( ◡‿◡ )