Work Text:
One of Viktor's most favorable and consistent features has always been his chocolate brown hair. It had always been soft, quite thick and healthy as well despite the lack of care it received. It was a marvel Viktor himself couldn't figure out, but he didn't try. He just enjoyed the one part of his body that hadn't been infected by his illness, and hadn't already begun eroding with the poison of it.
Viktor has never been one for vanity or looks, so the actual esthetics of the whole matter didn't even mean as much as the implications his still healthy hair gave him. It gave him hope that maybe he wasn't all rotten yet. Maybe there was still hope, maybe he had more time to finish his and Jayce's work.
It was something he held on to, something that kept him going.
But Viktor wasn't the only one appreciated his hair.
Jayce had grown quite a liking to all of Viktor's features, especially his hair. Viktor didnt need him to say it to know that. Jayce was always running his fingers through Viktor's hair absentmindedly, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck when they were working in the lab, randomly hugging him (a new thing Jayce had begun doing since his prognosis) and then he burying his face in it, and now while others may think of it as quite strange, Viktor didn't mind it. It was how Jayce was, and he was going to appreciate that as much as he could.
Presently, It was a cloudy and foggy day, the after math of a morning storm. Viktor and Jayce had been in the lab since 7AM, and have been working non stop since. It was 5pm now and Jayce was becoming restless, pacing back and forth trying to think through an equation while Viktor stood infront of the board, unmoving chalk in his hand and just as lost as Jayce was.
"I just don't get it...this seems so simple but I just can't figure it out."
Viktor erased the equation for atleast the 10th time, rewriting and resolving, then getting stuck at the same place.
"Look, Vik, maybe we just need to take a break." Jayce placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You've been standing a long time and you look really tired. Let's just...call it for today. We could stop by and pick up takeout at that place you like.."
Jayce trailed off as he ran a hand through Viktors hair, an action meant to be comforting, but in reality revealed something either of them wanted to know.
As Jayce pulled his hand away from Viktor's hair clumps came along with it. His face dropped, and when Viktor looked up at Jayce he was rather confused as to why he was looking at him like that.
"Jayce? Whats wrong?"
"Viktor I- I think your hair- your hair is falling out."
Jayce held out his hand to reveal the copious amount of hair that had so easily slipped from his scalp.
"Dont be ridiculous Jayce, you were probably just- just pulling or something."
He ran his fingers through his own hair to test it, and low and behold a matching, if not greater amount came out. A Tell tale sign that his body was eroding more and more by each passing day.
"Im so sorry Vik-"
"Its ok. Im ok. Im finishing this. Go home if you want. Im finishing this. "
"Viktor you need rest. The doctor said-"
"I dont care what the doctor said! I dont have time for what the doctor said!" Jayce's hand flinched away at instinct and he took a step back.
"You want more time? You have to listen to the doctor when he says you need to rest and you can't over exert yourself! Come on- let's just go home, V. You need to rest-"
Jayce began, coming back around and and putting his hand on Viktors lower back this time around, only for it be swatted as he walked away from that hand.
"I am not so helpless you know? You treat me like Im some ill child incapable of anything! I am still well enough to stand and to help people and to finish this dream. Our dream. And I am running out of time that I can do that."
Viktor's fist clenched around the chalk until it broke in two, and he adjusted the hold on his crutch before going back over to the board, beggining to write with vigorous rage.
"First, you tell me to live with you because your insistent that I need the help, that I'm now too weak now to be left on my own-"
Chalk powder flies off the board, the grind against it matching the grind of Viktor's teeth.
"Viktor you passed out alone in your apartment, Janna knows what would have happened if I hadn't checked on you that morning! You-"
"Then you hear about my prognosis- and out of pity you start treating me like a damn charity case- making me food, buying me things, taking me to my doctor's appointments- and- and you treat me like Im too weak to do things I have managed to do for years despite my illness- diminishing the little strength people saw in me-"
Viktor pauses at a crack in his voice, and Jayce walks towards him slowly as the chalk drags down with his arm as it goes limp.
"And now my hair is falling out, reminding me of the little time I have left until I'm unable to do this. To do what I have aspired to do since I was an ill orphan of Zaun-" Viktor turns to face Jayce, a faint glint of tears in his eyes. "And now you want me to cut the work I have limited time to do short. To 'call it'." He says with a sharp finger to Jayces chest. "What if next week I am bed bound? What if next month I can no longer stay awake for more then an hour? What happens when- when your couped up at home with me because any moment could be my last? What then?"
"Viktor, I do all of those things because I care about you! It isn't because I think your a charity case! Its because your one of the most important people in my life! Because- because I can't stand that their saying that you won't grow old and- and I'm doing anything to keep you around longer and be around you as much as I can! And I know its selfish I know I just- your my partner Viktor. And I can't imagine a world where your not. And now your hairs falling out and now- now its happening- your- your getting sicker and that means your gonna leave me soon and I- I can't handle it- I've been trying to be strong, trying to be calm and I keep thinking that one day they'll say that your getting better but- but you arent."
Jayce engulfed Viktor in a hug, trying to hold back tears but ultimately failing.
"And I hate it. Because I love you. I love you and I can't lose you."
Viktor could only hug him back in utter shock, and ultimately a strange mix of relief and terror. Relief becuase Jayce had done all those things out of love rather then pity, and terror because the man he desired for years had reciprocated, but at the worst possible time. And now, he would have to leave Jayce. Leave him to suffer alone, leave him to work alone, leave him to grieve alone, he would leave him alone. Although Viktor hoped that Jayce would move on, make new friends, find a new partner? He had a feeling that he wouldn't, now that he revealed the importance he held in Jayce's life. And he hated it.
"Jayce..."
Jayce pushed away in the same instance, still holding onto Viktor, who would have been thrown off his balance had he not been held up.
"Janna, I'm so sorry Viktor I can't believe I- Just- just forget i said anything- I'm so sorry I didnt-"
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
Jayce's face changed in an instant, confused and relieved at the same time.
Viktor on the other hand felt angry. At what or who? He wasn't exactly sure. He was mad at himself for not speaking up sooner or picking up the hints, mad at him for not saying anything either and only sending stupid hints. Mad at his illness and how it was stopping him from pursuing this. Being mad at everything in this situation settled it better, actually.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that you have known for months that I- that I dont have much time left and you dont tell me- and I- I didnt tell you either and- and-"
"Dont say that. Dont say that because Im going to find a cure. Well find out how to finalize the hexcore and its gonna cure you."
"Jayce I love you. I love you and im sorry I did not tell you sooner but now is the time becuase the hexcore isnt going to be stabilized."
Viktor hobbled over and picked up a book to pass it to Jayce on an open page.
"I talked to an arcanic mage who was here in Piltover for business. I told him about our work...about hextech, about...the hexcore..."
As Jayce read the page it appeared he got smaller and smaller by each word.
"He told me that the hexcore was something like a rubber band. It will snap back at you if you use it, like how the plant withered the moment it was taken off the hexcore. It snaps back with so much force it destroys the very thing that just thrived off of it. There is no way to stabilize it. It goes against laws of nature. It isn't possible and...if I used it I would...I would die trying."
"No- no there has to be another way-"
The book was taken from his hands, replaced by Viktor's hand.
"Im going to die, Jayce. I feel it. And im trying to make the most of what time I have left standing. I- I hate- I hate to admit it but...I'm scared. My hair has always stayed no matter what my health was like but..now its falling and- and I think the decline is coming soon. And I'm so scared. But it comforts me doing work because when I go Ill know my life was worth something. I made it worth while. So please, humor a dying man?"
Tears fell down Jayces face as he held Viktor's hand sandwiched between his own, and hesitated before bringing the hand to his mouth and kissed his knuckles while nodding.
"Anything, Vik. Anything."