Work Text:
It was close to 5 pm when Raven had made a spontaneous decision, she was going to visit her family, who was buried in district 6 while she now lived in district 3 with Van. She quickly got on a coat and mumbled out a quick and vague explanation on where she was going
“Goingoutillbebacklaterokaybye” before quickly rushing outside to the white winter wonderland that awaited outside for her, it's like the world knew she was visiting her family today and wanted to
comfort her. She walked slowly through the snow, watching as her footprints got covered up with each new step she took, like how she was fighting so hard with herself to cover up her past. Maybe that's why she decided to go out today, to say a final goodbye to the people who cared so much about her, but she really didn't know, it could have been to say merry Christmas, but she hasn't celebrated that in 5 years. Not that she believed in Santa anymore anyways, as she walked through district 3, she saw people dressed up as Santa, ringing bells for donations going to who knows where, people in large groups going door to door caroling, parents telling their kids if they don't act nice Santa wouldn't come and they would get lumps of coal. She scoffed at that, she knew those parents would still get their kids gifts even if they acted up, her own parents did the same if they could afford gifts that year.
Raven kept walking until she got to the train station and quietly slipped onto the train without paying, force of habit at this point she told herself in her head. As she looked around, she noticed kids laying against their moms and dads as they sleep peacefully, dreaming of making snowmen and opening presents under the tree, Raven sighs and looks away into the window. Staring at the vast lands of untouched snow and seeing herself with her family playing in it, making snowmen and throwing snowballs at each other as they would fall and start giggling to one another. She quickly shakes the memory away as the conductor comes into the train car and starts to check tickets, she quickly gets up and hides in the bathroom waiting for him to pass by, she leaves the door unlocked to make it seem like no one is in there hoping that no one needs to use the bathroom. As district 6 gets called over the PA speakers she slips out of the bathroom and waits by the door to get off, the hood of her coat pulled up and her old, tangled earbud in she gets off the train and starts walking to the graveyard where she used to visit every day, where she would cry herself to sleep, where all of the guilt would pour out into the ground never to be seen again, but would re-rise in her chest again when it was the worst time possible. As she walked through the streets she saw all of the homeless people, and some even being her age, she felt horrible for them but knew that living here wasn't the best and most couldn't afford to live in other districts.
As she started weaving through alleyways she found her old apartment, she freezes in front of it and decides to go in as she climbs the stairs, she sees the apartment number she lived in, number 061. She knocks gently hoping no one comes to answer the door, as she waits and hears no footsteps she starts to pick the lock on the door, less than a minute later she's standing in her childhood home, the home where she killed her parents and on the furniture that wasn't cleaned, she can still see specks of blood, the home where her siblings died due to the wilting. About 10 minutes later she leaves, she can't handle reliving all of that pain and trauma again, just being in that house gave her flashbacks of when she dug her switchblade that was her dads, through the bodies of her parents, how the blood seeped out onto the carpet and stained it permanently like a pomegranate splitting open and staining a hand with the juice, no matter how much you scrub it never leaves. She quickly makes her way down the flight of stairs, shoving past families walking up who in turn curse at her for being rude, one guy mutters to his wife
“Where the fuck is that child's parents. Need to teach her some damn manners.”
Tears immediately well up in Ravens eyes as she whips her head around yelling through tears
“My parents are fucking dead! You fucking asshole! I HAD TO WATCH THEM DIE!”
The couple looks stunned and Raven quickly makes her way down the last few steps, rushing back out into the cold winter air, the wind nipping at her exposed ears and neck as she runs past the couples and families and to another familiar place. The flowershop. The one where she would buy her siblings flowers before her parents died right in front of her, to her own hands, to the blade her parents had told her to use if they ever got infected. As she walks in the florist looks up and at her with something close to recognition, he takes one look at her current state and goes to the back to grab small bouquets of flowers. Raven looks around trying to find some flowers to lay on her siblings and parents grave one last time, the shopkeeper walks out with a bouquet of Salvia, Snowdrops, Snapdragons, Chrysanthemums and Forget-Me-Nots, he taps Raven on the shoulder who quickly turns around startled as he holds them out to her.
“Go, lay these on the graves on those of whom you've lost.”
She looks at him grateful and goes to reach for some money that Van had given her, but he just shakes his head
“It's on me, now shoo! Go on”
She nods slightly and walks out of the flower store, the door closing slowly as she walks to the graveyard where she watched her siblings caskets get lowered into the ground, where she would scream and cry to her mama and papa who also got lowered into the ground just not in a casket, they were lowered in a bloody sheet, side by side and holding hands. As she approached the graves, she sank to her knees and into the soft snow, and as she looks at the graves she starts to cry
“I-I miss you all so much. I-I fuck... I h-have a new dad… not that I'm replacing you papa! B-but he makes me happy, I-I have my own room, and he's been teaching me how to write... I'm not the best at it though...”
Raven sits there and talks to them for hours as if they were sitting right there with her, hugging her and listening intently to the youngest sibling telling a story from her imagination. Raven leans against Lydryl's grave
“I-I'm sorry someone stole the bunny you gave me... I tried really hard to protect it... I love you Lydryl...” she looks at the other graves of her family
“I love you all so much.. But I think it's time for you all to meet my adoptive dad, his name is Van, I think he deserves to meet you all…” Raven takes a deep breath and lays the flowers down.
After all you need to let go of the past to get into the future.