Chapter Text
When the results appeared on the small device, Marco Reus’ vision blurred. So, this is why he felt sick, so unwell the past days, weeks even. He blinked a few times, but it didn’t erase the two little red bars on the test. Their bright crimson was screaming their message loud and clear in his ear : Marco Reus was pregnant, and he was sure that Robert Lewandowski was the father.
The memories of that night burst in his mind.
Robert, like a coward, had waited the very last night to tell Marco about his departure. He had felt hurt, like a thousand needles were piercing his heart, like someone was tearing his ribcage open and grabbed his heart; Marco loved him, so much, and the other one didn’t even tell him that he was leaving. They were not dating, but the weight of their silent situationship was heavy all around them. They had never addressed it. They fucked sometimes, they kissed, they helped each other out. But they were not dating - much for Marco’s despair – and no matter how domestic they acted, that wouldn’t change.
Because Robert Lewandowski was a coward, and because he valued his football career more than his personal life.
What they had going on for the past few years was eating Marco alive, but he never complained. Because them Robert would back up, and the omega would have lost him forever.
The eve of the alpha departure to the Bayern München, they were both sitting on Robert’s couch. The lights from the streetlights were peeking through the window, he had not bothered to turn the big light on. The atmosphere was cozy and calm. Robert had been silently playing with the blond’s hair, and the omega was happily leaning into the touch. But that moment couldn’t last forever. Marco new that something heavy was weighing on the other’s shoulder, but he never expected him to tell Marco the most devastating news of his life. And he did not expect him to drop like it didn’t matter to the alpha.
“I’m leaving tomorrow for München.”
They both froze, the announce felt like a bomb that had just been dropped into the little room, once a heaven of safety but now only a small, suffocating prison the blond couldn’t escape. Marco’s breath hitched and he slowly looked at Robert with hurt and pure betrayal in his green iris. His world was crumbling all around him and there was nothing he could do to stop it, it was too late, it was tomorrow.
“What…?” Was all Marco could respond. He felt anger rising in his chest, building up like he was a volcano about to erupt. He was mad, so, so mad at the other one. Was their two years together nothing for the alpha ? Was all they had lived and gone through together suddenly holding no signification for him ? Like they had no value ? Marco chuckled, he had been dumb, he had been blind, Robert didn’t care about him like he did. He was mad, and he hated being mad because when it was the case, he only became dumber.
That’s why when Robert opened his mouth to explain himself, Marco immediately cut him off by violently pressing his lips against his. It was the worst thing he could have done, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t let Robert talk because every excuse, every reason he’d give would feel like a deeper cut on Marco’s bare and bleeding heart. He knew how it’ll finish tonight, he knew his heat and Robert’s rut were coming, he knew he’ll regret it. But he didn’t care. The weight of the alpha’s lips on his were grounding, and for a few instant, they deleted the memory of the past few sentences. Marco kissed him like it was their last day on earth, because it really felt like it. His world was leaving.
He didn’t want to think about it, at all, and he didn’t complain when Robert carried him in his bedroom.
He didn’t complain when he took their clothes off.
And he definitely didn’t complain when he fucked him senseless.
Marco had cried, but he let himself think it was because of the sex. Not because it was probably the last time they do this together. He knew that Robert at München will be different. Deep down, he knew that the alpha would look at him in the eyes with the same adoration he had worn for him the past two years. But Marco wouldn’t let him do so. He was still very much angry, and his mind couldn’t imagine the one he secretly loved in red and white while still acting like he wore the yellow jersey. For Robert, his departure changed nothing between the, but for Marco, someone who was known to be loyal, it changed everything.
He stood up, his legs shaking by their previous actions. Robert was lying on the bed, awake, but he didn’t dare to say a single word. Neither of them did. The alpha kept looking at the ceiling while Marco was putting his clothes back on. They didn’t say what there was to say, they let all the words die in the air between them. Robert was a coward and Marco, a pit of anger.
Before the blond left the room, he heard the other whispering, in the faintest, weakest voice he’d ever heard from him: “Marco, I’m sorry.”
Marco didn’t want to hear more; he left the room and slammed the door shut.
°.°.°
So, there he was, three weeks later, looking at a pregnancy test like the Devil had giving it to him. Everything, every thought, every emotion existing was mixing up in his head. Should he keep it ? Should he abort it ? Marco placed his hand on his stomach. Fuck, a baby was starting to grow in there. His, and Lewandowski’s.
That thought made him want to break everything in his house.
He could not keep it; it would put a break on his career, the one he worked so hard to make a place for himself in. Being an omega in football was hard, ending up pregnant was even harder. It would follow him all his life, people would talk about his baby and his pregnancy instead of his games, no matter how amazing they were.
But at the same time, he wanted to keep the child. Deep down, Marco had always wanted a baby. Maybe having one at 25 was too young, but he could not let the occasion go. Especially since it was Lewi’s. He pinched his nose, Robert… Should he tell him about his pregnancy ? No, definitely not. He had a lot of bad ideas, and this one was by far the worst one.
He left his bathroom and threw himself on his couch. Marco took a desperate sip from his now-cold cup of coffee: he needed all the energy he could get. He grabbed his phone who was lying on the low table in front of him and scrolled through his list of contact. Should he tell the coach ? Should he tell the team ?
Marco erased those questions from his mind, it deserved at nothing to think about this before even taking his decision about wanting to abort or not. But he knew at the very bottom of his heart that he wanted to keep it.
°.°.°
Telling the coach had been a relatively easy thing. Jürgen Klopp took it better than he would have thought. He just asked him questions about his health and how far he thought he could go this season. He was reassuring and a part of the pressure that Marco felt left his shoulders when the coach gave him a bright smile and a gentle tap in his back. He understood the fact that Marco didn’t want to tell anybody about who the father was, not even to him.
“It’s your private life; I don’t need to know who got you pregnant.” Klopp told him before Marco left his office.
His teammates were a bit more insufferable. They were all torn between shock, curiosity and affection when he dropped them the news. The locker room of their training center got quickly filled with the scents of protectiveness, because of course most of them were alphas, and excitement. Questions rose from every corner, since when did he knew, how was he feeling, could he still play, … And Marco tried his best to answer them all.
“Who’s the father ?” Someone asked. Marco stopped, them finding out who the father was, was possibly the worst-case scenario, especially since it was Lewandowski’s, the one who had just betrayed Dortmund to go to München, their archenemy. If his teammates learnt that it was him, they would cause a chaos every time they played their rival, which was something he would like to prevent.
“I prefer not to tell and keep this private.” Was all Marco answered until another voice rose in the mass, it was Sven Bender’s.
“Is it Lewandowski ?” This time, Marco froze and his breath stopped. Had they been that obvious ? He tried to catch himself up and to answer by the negative, but it was already over. They all saw his reaction, and even if it lasted only for a small second, they still caught it. They found out the truth, and the room immediately erupted.
Robert Lewandowski got called by every insult imaginable, each worse than the previous one. Marco, feeling discomfort blooming in his chest, buried himself deep in a small bubble, he disconnected himself from the locker room and all that was said there. Now, because of him, his teammates disliked the Pole even more while, in reality, he had done nothing bad. He was sinking deeper in his mental world when the voice of his captain topped all the other ones.
“Can’t y’all stop ? Can’t you see that, one, Marco is getting extremely uncomfortable and that, two, that he wanted to keep it a secret to prevent this exact reaction from happening ? Perhaps you can let him talk, no ? Since it’s about him.”
Marco mentally thanked Hummels when all the voice shut down and their attention finally focused on him. He was terribly lucky to have him as captain. He stood up from the bench he was sitting on and looked at his teammates.
“Robert doesn’t know, and I don’t want him to know for now. I will ask you to keep your mouth shut about it, especially when he’s around. And please, next time we play against München, please do not start a fight him. It’s between him and I and I don’t want you to interfere. Did I make myself clear ?” Marco told them, as concise he could be.
The boys nodded, embarrassed by their previous behaviour. Marco was right, it was not their place to do or say anything about the situation. They could only raise their concern. While the crowd scattered, Marco sat on the bench with a heavy sight, but he couldn’t waste too many time resting. He tied his shoelaces and left for the field. He could still play for the beginning of the season, and he would not let himself fall behind.
°.°.°
Four months and a half later, when Marco announced that he would take a break for ‘sickness’, the football world shacked. He had looked healthy every game he played and people all over the internet were making up all kind of wacky theories. And the fact that neither the club nor the player were saying anything did not help the situation.
Marco, despite what he previously thought, was happy to have a break. The child was starting to grow, and he was having a harder time hiding it. It was starting to weight heavy and it impacted his performances on the field. So, lying on his couch felt like a much better plan now.
His path had crossed Robert’s once since his departure, and Marco had given him a heavy silence treatment the whole game. His teammates, thank god, had not tried to kill and fight him on the field but he had heard them growling faintly when Robert had tried to talk to him.
Marco’s head felt dizzy. He grabbed a glass of fresh water and burrowed himself deeper in his sofa. He used this time to think. Marco had realised that he became more strongly protective and affectionate towards little kids. One day, one of the players had brought his son with him because school was closed and Marco had spent almost all his time talking to him and kicking the alphas away from the child. His teammates had laughed at his unusual behaviour, and only Google had comforted him. What he was doing was normal for a pregnant omega because of hormones and other stuff he didn’t really understand. He was a footballer, not a biologist. However, it did not stop his will of digging a hole and burying himself deep in it from embarrassment.
Oh, how his teammates loved teasing him about everything he did. And they kind off had a point, especially when he had brought with him pasta with butter and sugar for lunch because he couldn’t eat anything else at this time. During normal time, he would have never eaten that, but things were a little different. Pregnancy craving or whatever, that was what Google, his major source of support, had told him.
Marco opened twitter, another bad decision from his part, which was by now nothing new. He carefully dodged the hate comments about his ‘sickness’: they were all more discriminatory about his secondary gender than the previous one. He instead focused on the kind, supportive tweets. People who were wishing him well and hoped he would come back soon on the pitch.
While he was scrolling, a notification appeared on top of his screen. Marco paused: Robert… The world stopped around him. He couldn’t hear the light sound of the hands of his clock anymore, the whirring of his washing machine, the roar of the cars on the street. Only him, and the bright blue notification existed now.
Robert, he hadn’t seen him since their last match, they hadn’t reach out to each other. He shouldn’t care about the notification; he should just throw his phone away and do something else to busy his mind. Marco was still angry. But unfortunately, he did care. He did care about him, because Marco, despite everything, still loved Robert Lewandowski.
That’s why he opened the message. Again, a bad decision, he was getting used to it.
---
From : Robert
Hello Marco, I heard about your sickness. I hope you’re doing well.
---
That was it, nothing more, nothing less. Marco felt stupid for overthinking it, the alpha just wanted to check on him. It was a stupid, single message of support, Marco shouldn’t have expected more from him.
Perhaps it was good that the message was not an apology, Marco would have had a crash out in his living room. But, perhaps, he wanted one. He wanted Lewandowski to come back to him muttering apologies, he wanted him to feel bad about the situation. Marco had multiple dreams in which he told the other one about his pregnancy. And he knew how guilty the alpha would feel if he learned it.
Because, for the alpha, getting Marco pregnant would mean that he broke the blond’s career, which was not the case in the omega’s opinion: he viewed his pregnancy as a small pause in his football. Nothing too bad nor too deep.
But then, if the world came to know about the child growing in his belly, it would tarnish their reputation, Robert’s reputation. For the dark-haired man, it was the destruction of his public image, the one he had put meticulous effort keeping it clean.
Marco knew that, and he also knew that if he told the alpha about his pregnancy, he would drop everything behind to help him. But that would not be because he loved Marco, but only because he would feel like it was his duty. And Robert would not have been truly happy by his side because he’d miss football. He would stay, but his mind would always go back to the Allianz Arena and to the football he could be playing with his teammates instead of staying with Marco. Marco would have in his flat a sulking Robert who would grieve his lost image and his trainings between two meals.
So, the omega took the decision for him. Robert would stay ignorant, at least until birth, at best for his whole life.
Which would be difficult, because the Bayern player was not dumb. As soon as the world would learn that Marco Reus had a child, he would know that it was his; the maths were simple. And Robert would get so mad at him. But that was not something Marco wanted to think about just yet.
Now, he was just looking at the message on his phone. Marco chose not to answer. He turned his phone off, threw it on the couch and left the room to slouch on his bed. The calm scent of fresh laundry soothed his mind, and he drifted into sleep.
°.°.°
He was eight months pregnant by now. His belly had gotten really to the point that he couldn’t see his feet anymore. He knew the gender of his baby; it was a little girl. Marco couldn’t have been more delighted. Everything was going well.
He was staying at his parents’ house so they could help him in case of something happened. They were the only one Marco had told everything: who was the father, how he felt about it, heck he even told them the name he wanted to give her.
His parents had been kind; they had listened to him complain about every little thing in the world; they had let him cry in their arms because some days he felt like he couldn’t keep going like that. They had watched with him Dortmund’s matches on his computer, they even had let him watch Bayern München matches, afters of course, telling him that it was probably not the best idea to see Robert on his screen. They indulged every weird craving Marco had had with a smile. They had told Marco stories about when his mother was pregnant of him to make him feel better about every weird action he did.
Marco was grateful to have their company but was still lonely at the very bottom of his heart. He felt like an ungrateful brat for thinking this when his parents put all their efforts helping him, but it was still the truth. Something was missing.
Someone was missing.
Every time Marco was alone, his mind would drift towards Robert, his blue eyes and his black hair, his soft polish accent every time he spoke German, the way he moved when he had the ball between his feet, the way he looked at him when they were still in the same team and, especially, Marco thought about his scent, a lot. A sweet mix between anis and nutmeg. Oh, Marco wished he had kept clothes from him that carried his scent. As compensation, he had bought some anis and nutmeg that he had put in a bowl next to his bed in the hope that the familiar smell would help him keep his mind clear. That barely worked since it couldn’t reproduce the exact smell, but Marco took the barely as a victory.
Damn he was pathetic.
This day, when he woke up, he felt worse than the day before and every other day he had lived pregnant. The calm smell from the bowl had vanished overnight and Marco felt too sore to leave the house to buy some new, or even leave his bed. Nevertheless, he grabbed every once of energy he could find in his body to step out of the comfortable warmth of the bed.
He dragged his feet in the kitchen to grab a coffee. He looked at the clock, 7 am. His parents were already awake and making breakfast. He exchanged a quick nod with them as he sat on his chair, feeling too tired and dizzy to do anything else. His father put a cup of coffee on the table and left the room after giving him a gentle pat on his back. His mother sat in front of him with a slice of bread on her plate and started to talk to him about some dream she had that night.
Marco couldn’t listen to her talking. His whole body felt numb and was hurting at the same time. His ears were buzzing and his head was spinning. He felt an enormous craving in his ribcage that he couldn’t seem to stop, no matter what he did. The loneliness he had been suppressing in his chest had slowly carved a deep hole in his heart that his parents by themselves couldn’t fill.
His anger had not been strong enough to replace entirely Robert’s presence, and Marco was paying the high price of it. It just acted as a cover for what was truly happening to him: Marco had let it become a curtain to hide his feeling behind, and, in the process, he let it blind himself.
He felt a hand on his shoulder. “Marco, are you alright ?”
His mother inquired. He had not realised that he started to hyperventilate. Before he could catch his breath and nod, his vision blurred. Slowly, the world around him started to spin before vanishing and turning pitch-black and his head hit violently the table.
The birds were chirping outside despite the coldness of a November morning. Robert Lewandowski was eating breakfast in the cozy silence of his house when a notification appeared on the screen of his phone. He grabbed it, grumbling. Who was texting him so early in the morning ?
---
From : Manuela - Marco’s mother
Sorry to bother you. Please come to Dortmund as soon as possible, it’s about Marco.
---
Under the message, Manuela had sent the address of the hospital of Dortmund. Robert had never left his house so fast in his life.
°.°.°.°