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"I feel so tired" Intern thought to himself, his sanity wasn't really low but this last shift felt like hell. There were some ambulances and of course there were anomalies too. It was a lot to deal with. Thankfully secret agent and security took the anomalies down.
Inter was taking care of one of the patients that came with the ambulance. Taking a DNA sample, and waiting for the result. While he was waiting he got lost in their thoughts.
He was really tired and also mentally exhausted. Ever since they became an anomaly everything was a lot harder. He had to suppress some of his anomaly instincts . He wasn't going to hurt any animals. They just simply couldn't, the thought about eating another animal just made them sick and nauseous, and didn't get them started with the guilt that would consume him if he did.
The computer beeped, taking the intern out of their thoughts. Head aches and bruises. Intern turned to go towards the door when he saw the patient wasn't actually a patient it was an anomaly. They were so deep in their thoughts that he didn't notice the anomaly at all.
He should be scared, or at least try to get the others' attention that there was in fact an anomaly with them and he didn't have the taser with them. But the intern didn't care about that at all. All he saw was an opportunity to end all their suffering. To be free of all this pain.
So the intern let the anomaly attack them. The anomaly was so focused on how hungry it was , that it didn't notice how the intern wasn't doing anything to defend themselves. All it thought was food. And the intern felt those teeth on his shoulder.
And then another bite, this time close to his neck. Intern was really in pain but he wasn't fighting back, he finally was getting what he wanted for a long time. The intern didn't even notice how the door opened forcefully, the tears welled in his eyes, or the dark figure pointed a gun at the anomaly.
Bang-
The anomaly fell upon him, dead, like he was supposed to be too. Dead , like it , from the first moment they discovered they were an anomaly too. Suddenly everything was too much and he couldn't keep his tears or breath under control , everything was too much, it was supposed to be their last time breathing, why. Why did everything go wrong?
In a second, the anomaly wasn't on top of them. Now in front of them was Agent, he's really worried about them. He just can't understand why.
Agent was saying some things but intern couldn't hear a thing, so deep in thought, they were panicking a lot more.
Slowly the agent took intern hand with him and placed it on his chest. That action helped intern to get out of his thoughts. A heartbeat, Agent heartbeat to be exactly. Intern tried to match his heartbeat to his. Argent was there all the time, saying nothing, just taking deep breaths to help intern a lot better.
Intern was starting to feel a lot better now, but still couldn't bring himself to talk, everything was too much still. Agent stood there still, his hand never leaving them, not saying anything yet, but Intern knew he had so many questions that he wasn't really yet to answer.
He waited a few more minutes until he found their voice again. " Thank you" was all they could say right now.
Agent was still looking at him without saying anything yet, and then he nodded " just be careful next time, okay?" he waited a little and then added "please, let me take care of you, that's all I'm asking right now" His face was neutral but his eyes betrayed him, the worry, the warm, the guilt for not being fast enough to get here, to help them , to protect them like he said he would, and then seeing them like this broke the agent's heart.
Intern looked right at him, thinking of what he should do, but in the end he knew the response "okay.." they said barely a whisper.
Slowly both of them stood up, agent helping intern to stand and taking him to bed. Once the intern was sitting, the agent left the room looking for a medic kit.
Intern for once, they let themselves be taken care of by Agent. It felt nice, being the one taking care and not the one taking care of the others. Sometimes he thinks it is good to be selfish sometimes, what a silly thought.
In a few seconds the agent was back with a medit kit in hand, leaving it aside so he could help Intern take off the hoodie . Once the hoodie was off, he started working with precision and delicacy so as not to cause too much harm to them. Once the wound was disinfected, he put bandages on it. When he was done, he helped intern put on his hoodie again, now stained with blood, until he could go home.
"I think you should go home and rest for a bit. I can go with you if you want, my shift is about to finish in a bit"
"mmm..., okay, can I go to your house today?"
" I was about to ask you that actually. Still we have to wait a little, so how about we go to the office and stay there for a bit and grab a cup of coffee"
"yeah, that sounds good" Intern felt a little bit with this interaction but nothing good lasted long with them. Or maybe it is that they have really bad luck? who knows.
- - - - - - -
" I'm going to take a shower, you can watch anything you want on the TV while you wait, are you hungry or something? I can make us something to eat later if you want"
"no no, it's okay, I'm not really hungry, maybe I'll drink some camomile to feel a bit better."
"Okay, if you need anything, just call me okay?"
And with that Agent went to his room to grab his pajamas before going to the bathroom. After hearing the soft click of the door closing. Intern let out a sigh and sat down on the sofa thinking.
It's been a while since he saw his family, they miss them a lot, since that time. He really didn't have a lot of time to visit their grave. And they do have time, they always carry some flowers to put on each grave.
No matter how much time has passed , he still feels guilty, guilty because he couldn't save them, because he knew he could do something and couldn't. They told him he wasn't responsible for this, for their death, that they loved him so much, that saving him was the best thing they could have done. And the guilt is eating them alive. Because the last thing he did was hug them one last time. Watching them slowly dying in his arms, with a little smile on their face because they knew they were in a safe space, on their siblings arms, warm and safe, taking their last breath and closing their eyes.
Intern couldn't take this anymore, the guilt was eating them alive, he wasn't supposed to survive, why is he the only one alive?. He slowly got up from the sofa and started walking quietly to the kitchen, looking for something that could end their suffering for once.
The sharpest thing he could easily get was a knife, he wasn't really sure if he wanted to do this, he was scared, but he also wanted to end, he couldn't take it anymore, everything was a lot, and they just wanted to be with their siblings again, to hear their laugh and see their laugh again one last time.
Slowly they lifted the knife, closed their eyes and hoped for this that wouldn't hurt much. He didn't care how badly his shoulder hurt him from the position he was in, preparing themselves for the impact of their decision, in a little everything is going to stop hurting. And he would see them again.
And when intern was about to stab themselves, someone stopped them just in time, intern tried to fight back, but it was in vain. He knew he couldn't win this fight, he was injured and tired, but still he didn't want to go down without at least trying. He was so fucking tired.
The agent removed the knife from the intern's reach, just to make sure they wouldn't take it again. Watching intern for a few seconds, studying his reaction. It was quiet for a moment, Agent was too shocked to say something. He wasn't saying anything yet, he just acted on instinct. He didn't know what to do.
And then, little sobs can be heard. That little by little started to sound more like crying. Intern was crying a lot. Because he didn't know what to do with their lives anymore, so they broke down and started crying. Allowing themselves to be vulnerable for once.
Agent got close to intern and hugged him with so much love, and silently took the intern back to the sofa, still close to him, never leaving them alone.
And thinking about that time in the hospital, how intern didn't ask for help or scream. And then realisation hit him. He was shocked and guilty, that he didn't notice the signs, when they were there, but it is not the time to think about that now, now he needs to focus on intern and making sure he's okay.
They stayed like that, intern hugging agent on the sofa for a while, until intern was a lot more calm and started talking.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, it's just.... I'm so tired of this, of the guilt, of this feeling, knowing I could do more for them. I know I could have saved them, but I wasn't strong enough. They died in my arms, they looked so small. I miss them every day, and it's been years since the day I lost them. Since that day I have tried so hard to keep going for them, to try and search for better methods "
intern stopped for a few seconds. Argent still didn't say anything, he was waiting till intern said everything they had to say, because he was willing to listen to him all the time they needed.
"It never got better, it only got worse. My mental health was getting worse day by day, I just found better methods to hide it better, nobody noticed at first. So I kept going until it was too much. It was too much, and I couldn't handle it anymore. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry".
The agent hugged intern a little bit tired, without hurting them much. "You don't need to say sorry for something you couldn't control. It wasn't your fault. It was never your fault, please, don't blame yourself for something you couldn't control. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you, all those years of pain and loneliness. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that, but I just want you to know that you're not alone anymore, you have me and everyone else, so please, if this gets this bad again just reach out to me or anyone okay? Remember you're not alone, not this time "
intern looked at Agent with so much love and kindness even though his eyes were watery just like the agent ones too. Slowly intern lifted his hand and put them on agents face.
"I promise, and thank you " They left a little kiss on the agent's nose, chuckling at agent's reaction. Agent was just admiring intern and loving him a little bit more.
"I just want to be there for you."
Intern just laughed a little and stayed there in agent arms for a little while, but eventually he had to take a shower, he didn't really want to admit that but after a long shift and the incident they really needed to take a shower. Intern slowly removed his hands from the agent's face.
"As much as I would like to be here with you, I still need to take a shower"
"yeah that's true, do you need help with something or are you good at your own?"
Agent wasn't really sure if he liked the idea of intern being out of his sight. But still respected intern privacy, he was just worried about all of this. Intern seemed to catch on to the Agent's worried state.
"Hey, you don't have to worry too much, okay? I'll be fine, i can leave the door open if that helps you a bit"
"Okay, that would be good. I know I'm worrying too much, but the thought of losing you is too much, please never do something like that again. I was so scared"
The last words came out as whispers. Agent eyes were filled with tears. He was trying so hard not to cry, because he never liked to cry in front of others. The first tear fell, And then the others and in a few seconds he was crying.
Intern's heart broke when he saw the agent like that. Intern returned his hands to the agent's face and with his thumb slowly cleaned agent tears. They felt so guilty for this, because this was his fault, but it wasn't time to think about that now, he needed to be there for agent like he was there for them.
Agent closed his eyes and leaned into intern touch. their hands were soft and fluffy. They stayed like that, until intern spoke.
"I'm sorry, I was blinded by guilt and grief that I thought I didn't have a reason to keep going anymore, but I was so wrong. How could I not see that the most important reason is In front of me?. "
Intern was looking at agent with a look full of love and determination, because after years of fighting alone, that finally saw that he was not alone in this fight anymore, Agent was with them, and he couldn't be more than glad to have such a sweet person in his life.
Agent couldn't take it anymore and hugged intern so hard, tears never stopping. He was so happy and relieved that they found a reason to keep going and it was himself. He adores this bunny with all his heart. This silly bunny, with his stupid face and their stupid personality he admired. He was so damn happy to be here with intern.
After a few long minutes, intern was starting to realise that with all of this he hadn't taken a shower yet and he kinda stinks a little.
"hey agent, I would love to be in this position longer but I still have to shower, and even if I don't want to admit it I stink a little"
The tips of the intern's ears turned red, and they looked to the other side a little embarrassed to admit that. Agent who was still a little bit emotional hearing that out of the blue got him to laugh about how silly that sounded even if that was true. Intern couldn't hold his laugh either so both of them started to laugh about how out of context and silly that sounded.
"oopps... that's true, but hey! you didn't answer my question though!. Do you need help with something?"
"Yeah, with my hoodie, my arm still hurts a little when I try to lift it and I'm feeling really tired, can't wait till I shower so we can go to bed ugh..."
" Now that you mention that, after all the events that happened today I'm feeling exhausted too, so let me help you take off your hoodie so you can take a quick shower. I'll be waiting for you in the bedroom, if you need anything, call me, okay? Ah, also when you're done, let me take a look at the wound"
Intern nodded his head and with that agent helped the intern take off his hoodie. Intern, while on his way to the bathroom, grabbed their pajamas and left the door open, like they said to agent before and started to shower.
After taking a well-deserved shower, intern went to the room where Agent was waiting with a medical kit to examine his wound. Intent sat down on the bed and let agent examine the wound. Since they were half anomaly they recovered faster than a normal person.
" It looks pretty good, but I think it's best if we leave it bandaged for today, just in case. "
"okay..."
Intern was feeling really sleepy, today's events left him really tired. Agent noticed how intern was fighting sleep so he chucked a little.
" hey, it's late, let's go to sleep, tomorrow we have to go to work"
And without saying any words, Agent put the meditation kit in his bedside table drawer and intern I turned off the light. The agent lay down and Intern put his head on his chest and wrapped his arms around him. And for the first time intern felt safe in agent's embrace.
- - - - - -
The next morning the agent and intern got ready to go to work. For the first time in some years, intern felt a lot better than other days. He was still recovering of course, and it's going to take a long time and patience, but it was something he was more than willing to do. It's true some days are better than others but that doesn't mean they're falling, far from it, they're doing the best they can and getting better everyday with agent help.
Intern was more than happy to be where he was right now, surrounded by people they love and inspire him to get better, to keep going, to keep with this journey.
And to not feel ashamed by the scars on his body. They're going to be there forever but there's the proof of the hell he had to survive, and actually win the fight. So there's nothing to be ashamed of because they were part of them now. And because bad things don't last forever, you just have to keep going until you see the most beautiful star in front of you.