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"Mom, I think im gonna stay at Dylans tonight."
"Cole look at me"
"....I think its better for everyone if I just leave."
After he had gotten in his car his head filled with an overbearing heaviness.
'Breathe Cole.'
He opened up his phone and went straight to Dylans contact
'Hey man if anyone asks i stayed the nite at urs, cheers'
He didn't wait for a response even when he saw 3 dots bubbling, halting and bubbling again.
Just shut up. Please.
He turned his phone off before setting his car into ignition and driving.
" Ah shit." He hadn't even turned on his head lights and in the dark, really Cole?
His head was exploding with a million different thoughts all screaming at him obnoxiously. He needed relief and fast. He couldn't take it anymore and pulled over into the side of the road where he used to take Erin for makeout sessions where no one would find them. He searched under his seat rapidly
"Please, please, please" He groped the underneath od his seat for his emergency kit. When he finally got it he opened it up to a nice long clean blade.
He didn't have time to sterilise it but as he dragged the metal over his neck and collar bone he was instantly refreshed by the coolness of the weapon. He took off his jacket and turned his arm towards himself. Cole closed his eyes and blindly began dragging the blade across his skin.
" Tchah." He had promised himself abstinence and hadn't felt this rush in a long time. Again he retraced thise lines this time deeper and putting more focus as he opened his strained eyes.he could feel every tingling sensation as he tore gently past the many layers of skin. Cole could feel his blood pouring faintly onto his perpetuating hand and off his left arm.
" Jackie it was for the best. I love you. I only want whats best for you."
He took the blade and put it on the dash before unbuttoning his shirt.
"Jackie I love you please," He again took control of the wrapon and whilst looking in his mirrored reflection he began carving Jackie's name across his prominent pec.
The pain was immense but all he could think about was the way Jackie used to look at him not with contempt but with blissful love. He began to cry silently before breaking out into something sounding like a laugh.
He looked at his reflection and started to laugh louder, hysterical almost. And then the adrenaline faded and he felt the pain, and it felt good.
Jackie.
Thats all he could think of so Cole turned on the ignition and began to drive. When he reached the ranch he saw her silhouette shaking softly in the barn as if she was crying and his face fell solemnly. He climbed up the ladders quietly and when her face came into view he let out a sound that resembled a groan.
" Jackie?" After the words left his mouth her head shot up and she quickly tried to dry her fountain of tears.
"What do you want Cole ?" Her voice was quiet but furious. He didn't know what to say for a second. He fell to his knees and looked up at her with such a pathetic look she was almost startled.
" ...Jackie," he tuned his head away unable to look at her properly " I need you, I'm so so sorry. Look i know I made a mistake I was trying to do what was best for y-"
" That's your problem !!" She snapped, " You think you know everything, you think you have some sort of superiority over people and me ! Well im sick of it. I'm sick of you Cole just go..."
'No' he thought. 'What are you doing Cole?'
He ripped his shirt with a sudden burst of strength.
"Jackie look what I did for you" He smiled at her as if this was the best piece of news they'd ever heard.
She gasped.
" Your sick!: she was shaking now, violently, her eyes fixated on the dried blood over his heart that when she looked closer...looked like...no! It was her name.
" Cole you need help, can't you see i dont love you anymore." She made an attempt to walk past him but he subconsciously grabbed her arm.
" no" he whispered. He stood up quickly and grabbed her shoulders.
" Cole your scaring me, let go now!" Her face was stoic but her eyes had an expression she'd never felt before.
"No you love me say it..." His hands had Jackie's shoulders locked making her extremely vulnerable.
"Cole let go. I dont love you and I never will."
Before he could process what she was saying he through her onto the ground on a pile of hay that thankfully broke her fall. His eyes opened and he came to his senses.
"Hey hey Jackie I'm sorry here let me-"
Her hand swatted him away, "Can't you tell i dont want anything from you just die !!" And she finally descended from the ladder before running to her room with tears streaming across her face.
What did he just do ? That was Cole. Cole loves Jackie. He'd never hurt her, no.
"No no no." He started hyperventilating again and stumbled to get to his car where he took off. Furiously apologising.
Cole Walter never made it to Dylans house. He was driving on the wrong side of the road and killed by a truck. His small car never stood a chance. It was a painfull death. You could say it was Karma or maybe his guardian angel wasn't paying attention.
His funeral was attended by almost everyone he knew except Jackie. She loathed him even more than she loved him and that scared her.
The Walter family was never complete after that. Shame really