Chapter Text
“I HATE YOU!” the young man screamed at his father; blue eyes blazing with sheer anger and emotional shock.
His brother, John, had been attempting to give him a lecture about taking care of himself more, to stop trying so hard at absolutely everything, and Scott had retorted that he had to… to make up for causing the death of their mother and grandfather. “I can never do enough to try and make it up to all of you, I have to keep pushing,” he had told his brother.
“What??? What the hell are you talking about?” John had retorted, looking at him as if he had grown two heads or sprouted a dozen eyes on stalks out of it.
Scott’s eyes were full of anguish as he met his brother’s totally confused expression. “It.. it was my fault. I asked to go on the black run and mom came with me and she died because of me. Grandpa died because mom was with me and he stayed in the lodge with Alan because he was tired and so wasn’t out with the rest of the family.”
“No! No Scott! You’ve got it all wrong! Who told you that?”
“D – dad. He visited me when I regained consciousness and told me that it was my fault; that I’d been selfish and I’d robbed him of…” He couldn’t continue, just stood with his head hanging in shame and remorse.
“BASTARD!” John said vehemently.
Scott flinched. “I – I’m sorry John, I—”
“Bastard!” John exclaimed again, and within two seconds he had crossed the room and enfolded his elder brother in a bear hug. “He told me he’d told you the truth; that he’d apologised! Oh Scotty!” He carded his fingers through his hair as he continued to hold him.
To say Scott was taken aback was putting it mildly. He thought his brother had been calling him a bastard, but… John mainly avoided physical contact, yet here he was hugging his big brother with all his might, attempting to offer comfort… what was he saying?
“I – I don’t understand,” Scott whispered, returning the hug and clinging onto John as a drowning man would to a life line. “What… what are you saying?”
John drew back slightly to look his brother in the eyes and saw nothing but total confusion. He took a very deep breath, and still having hold of him, said: “The avalanche wasn’t your fault, Scotty. It was set deliberately by Gaat, dad’s old business partner. He wanted to take away what was most dear to dad; mom and you and he didn’t care who else got in the way either. Mom was dad’s soulmate, and although he loves us all, you’re his first born, destined to take over the business some day if you want to. What better way to get back at dad then remove you both from all our lives?”
“No… wait… you’re saying… you’re saying it’s not on me? But I wanted to go on that slope!”
“Mom was going to take you on the black run that last day anyway. I heard her tell dad. That’s why she didn’t take too much persuading when you asked. She thought you were ready for it. Scotty, Gaat planted some explosives. That’s what caused the avalanche. Turns out he’d been spying on us, waiting for the opportunity. From what I managed to find out, he was actually looking to kill all of us apart from dad. You prevented that believe it or not; your separating us stopped his plan from working! The rest of us are alive because of you. I know we lost mom and grandpa, but it could have been so much worse! You have to believe me!”
Scott’s face drained of all colour and for a moment, John thought he was going to pass out, so he guided him to his bed and made him sit, sticking to him like glue.
“All these years… I’ve believed it was my fault,” Scott was mumbling. “That my selfishness resulted in… Oh God…”
John watched as the expression in his brother’s eyes changed. The irises started changing colour, losing their vibrant blue as they started to go dark… and John knew fear. He had never seen Scott’s eyes go that colour. They were almost black; black like the darkest, deepest hole, and his breathing was jagged; great heaving breaths as his fists clenched.
“Scotty…” John began gently, trying to keep him grounded. “Steady, steady.”
But it fell on deaf ears as Scott shrugged away from John and stood up sharply. “Bastard!” he spat. He marched to the door, flung it open and went in search of his father, leaving John standing there, stunned and unable to move.
Fuck! What have I just done? John thought. But it explains everything! Scott’s been living with his incredible guilt since the avalanche and I’ve just told him it was never his fault and dad… dad never told him the truth! In his grief, he blamed Scott but… he was never told the truth… why didn’t he tell Scott? John thought he knew the answer… Jeff was never wrong and therefore never apologised. But the trauma he caused his eldest son was immeasurable.
“Scotty! Wait! Scotty!”
It fell on deaf ears.
Scott stormed down the corridor to Jeff’s office, his rage rising with every step. On reaching the door, he didn’t bother knocking, but just barged in. Jeff was on a conference call with TI head office and looked up in surprise, then frowned at Scott who strode purposefully towards his desk, leant over slightly and cut the call.
“Scott! What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Jeff demanded.
“When were you going to tell me?” Scott asked, his voice absolutely dripping with emotion. “When?”
“Tell you what?”
“That it wasn’t my fault!”
“What wasn’t your fault?”
“The fucking avalanche! When dad? Or were you going to try and keep me ignorant my entire life? Make me feel consumed with guilt for the rest of my life as I tried to make it up to all of you?”
Jeff fought hard to keep his face from showing shock. To be honest, he’d forgotten all about telling his eldest what had truly happened that day. He’d buried it deep and didn’t want to relive it. Yes, he’d blamed Scott for all of it and then he’d learnt the truth, Gaat gloated in the message that had been left for him. Told him that he’d been aiming for his entire family, okay that didn’t work out, but he’d got Jeff’s soulmate, his eldest and youngest sons and his father. Not a bad day’s work. It was only later that Gaat found out that both Scott and Alan had survived.
Jeff had long since forgiven Scott—well there was nothing to forgive, he actually owed him a debt—but he had never told him that and now, somehow, he’d found out the truth.
“Wh – who told you?” he finally managed to ask.
“Does it matter?” Scott spat straight back. “The truth is out!”
Jeff stood up. “Scotty… son—”
“Don’t!” His face was twisted in an expression of grief and pain. “Don’t. I’ve almost died twice since then trying to make amends for something I didn’t even cause! Have you any idea what that feels like?” He was so angry he didn’t know what to do or how to act, but he knew he couldn’t roll over and just accept it.
Jeff stepped out from behind his desk. “Son, I… let’s talk about this…”
“What is there to talk about? The fact that you’ve let me live a lie? That I’ve suffered with guilt for every single day since the avalanche? That you deserted all of us whilst you went off to wallow in your grief and left me to cope on my own whilst thinking that you and my brothers hated me for what had happened?” He closed his eyes and shook his head, fists clenched.
Jeff winced inwardly. He had been hard on his eldest; purposely. To make him strong and able to face whatever the world would throw at him, but he hadn’t given any thought to the guilt and pain the boy had suffered because he’d kept it buried deep within simmering like a pressure cooker, waiting for the valve to blow and it was about to… big style because when the eldest lost his temper, he really LOST it.
“I HATE YOU!” The words were spoken with anger, fury, the memory of what he’d suffered for over five years. “I fucking HATE YOU!” He turned on a heel and stormed out of his father’s office, slamming the door as hard as he could behind him.
“SCOTT CARPENTER TRACY! HOW DARE YOU USE THAT KIND OF LANGUAGE IN FRONT OF ME! YOU COME BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!” his father bellowed as he strode towards his abused office door and opened it.
“FUCK YOU!” was the response Jeff Tracy received as he looked down the corridor and saw Scott entering his own bedroom and slamming the door behind him.
There was the sound of things being thrown around and broken within the room, and bellows of sheer rage and anguish as emotions that had been held in check for over five years were released.
Jeff saw John standing at his own bedroom door, just staring at him, disappointment written all over his face and walked up to him.
“Did you tell him?” he demanded of his second eldest.
o0o0o0o