Work Text:
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
Jeongin woke up to his alarm blaring. He reached his hand out and slapped his phone, scrambling to thumb one of the buttons. He shoved at his blackout curtains with his feet, and winced at the bright light that illuminated the room. Rolling over, he tapped his screen awake and squinted.
Just like every morning, there was a text from Hyunjin waiting for him.
He tapped back a reply.
Hyunjin sent him a good morning text most days. He always woke up earlier than Jeongin to do some sort of sunrise yoga or Pilates or spin— it fluctuated. Sometimes when he was lucky, he would wake up to a sweaty mirror selfie.
It was the best part of his monotonous mornings by far.
His mornings were very monotonous. He clicked on some music, something poppy to motivate him, then clambered out of bed, the cool air against his bare chest running a shiver down his spine. As quickly as he could, he pulled a shirt and jeans out of his closet and stepped into them. He just had work today, so he wasn’t worried about dressing nice.
Slipping on his socks, he padded to the kitchen and put a single slice of bread in the toaster. As he waited for it, he stepped into the bathroom and ran wet fingers through his hair. It was just past his ears; he should probably get it cut soon.
He stepped back into the kitchen as soon as the toaster popped. He slathered some jam on it, scarfing it down in less than a minute. He brushed his teeth and gargled some mouth wash, toeing on his shoes and heading out the door.
He glanced down at his watch; 7:32, right on time to make the 7:40 train into town.
It was Tuesday, so the train was packed, as it always was, full of people trying to make their 8am responsibilities. Jeongin didn’t bother looking for a seat, taking hold of the closest railing he could. He shoved one earbud in and waited.
He wasn’t sure what a scorpion pose was, but he was certain that seeing Hyunjin do any sort of yoga would give him a nosebleed. The thought of his lithe body bending into uncomfortable positions, skin covered in sweat and tight leggings…
He couldn't indulge himself in those thoughts. Not before 8am and a six hour shift.
The train lurched to a halt and he blended in with the crowd of commuters as he made his way to the coffee shop. It was your standard coffeehouse, recently renovated to attract more remote workers and students from the local university. It wasn’t anything special, but it paid the bills and Jeongin made good tips, that and they never said anything about him sneaking extra bread and pastries home after his shifts ended.
There was already a small line at the register when he entered, the little bell ringing above him.
He looped the apron over his head, and felt a hand brush along his shoulders.
“Good morning, Minho-hyung,” Jeongin smiled as he washed his hands.
“Lucky you, you get to work with me today, baby boy,” Minho grinned back. His small fingers took the ties from him and knotted the apron tight around his waist, looping the strings in a neat little bow that he would have to get help untying, “tell me your day is so much better now that you get to see your favorite Hyung.”
“Whatever helps you sleep at night, Hyung. Better than Ann, that’s for sure,” He snickered into his hand, but Minho let out a full bellied laugh, slapping a hand over his shoulder before disappearing to the front of the house.
Minho was the only coworker he could honestly stand, and they would be friends if they weren’t both introverts who spent most of their time at home and only went out when they were forced. Minho’s boyfriend Chan had popped into the coffee shop on a few occasions and invited him to hang out with them, only to receive a few swats on the shoulder from his counterpart.
The aforementioned Ann was a poor lady in her late forties, who seemed to still be stuck in high school, always trying to find someone to blame for everything, and somehow finding time to gossip even during the morning rush. Jeongin loved some good gossip, but there was only so much he could handle before nine in the morning. He already got more than his fill from Hyunjin, anyway.
His shift was ordinary; writing names on cups getting yelled at by the people who didn’t put their mobile orders in in time and were going to be late to work, prepped two travelers for someone’s morning meeting, and made an iced americano for himself. Unfortunately, he burnt himself with the milk steamer, something he never truly got the hang of, but thankfully it was after morning rush, so Minho let him chill out in the back for a few minutes after he bandaged it.
A break from work meant checking in on his daily news feed.
Jeongin rolled his eyes and typed back a short reply. His hand really hurt, but it wasn’t anything he hadn’t suffer through before. He only had three more hours of his shift left.
He made more coffees, wrote more names on cups, accidentally dropped a full lavender matcha latte on the counter, and called out “Sarah” for a girl named “Hannah.” Finally, he stepped outside and signed off the deliveries, dropped them off in the back room and practically begged Minho to help him untie his apron.
He wrapped a few cheese danishs in a napkin and walked out, breathing in a sigh of relief. Freedom at last.
The train was never busy at 2 on a weekday, so he took a seat while he waited for his stop. Time to check the afternoon news.
Jeongin chewed on his lip as he stared at the screen. His conversations with Hyunjin were always a wild ride. He loved it, he loved how melodramatic he could be, how interesting he seemed to make all the little things in life. But his heart throbbed painfully in his chest.
Everything in him yearned for Hyunjin.
Not at first. Hyunjin was strikingly beautiful, he could be a model, but looks weren’t the most important to him. It was how Hyunjin was weaseled into his life, and made himself Jeongin’s everything. How he brought out the best in him, how he brightened his day, every day. The way he always remembered what Jeongin said to him, even if he didn’t say much. It was slow, a gradual fall that landed him so deep he wasn’t sure how he would ever get out.
But there was no way Hyunjin liked him back. They were best friends. Hyunjin was cool, extroverted, beautiful, talented. He had so many friends and a great job and hobbies. Hyunjin was the one always dragging Jeongin to meet him, what could Jeongin possibly do for Hyunjin in a relationship?
After all these years, their friendship was too strong. Too strong to ruin everything with something silly like feelings. He had gotten really good at hiding them.
Hyunjin didn’t answer his texts. Maybe he would have if he knew that it took everything in Jeongin to hit the send button.
You shouldn’t go out with him.
Pick me. I’ll take you out.
He would never—could never—say those words.
Before he pushed his apartment door open, he stopped at the mailboxes to check for packages. He wasn’t expecting anything, but he couldn’t remember the last time he checked his mail. Weeks? Hopefully it had just been weeks.
The box was stuffed full of letters. Mostly paper bills that he paid online and hadn’t bothered to turn the paperless billing feature on. But there was a unique envelope, blue with handwriting on it.
The return address was his home address, his parents' names scrawled along the top.
His mood plummeted instantly, like how quickly a sunny day could be mottled by a flash thunderstorm. He couldn’t stop it, couldn’t help it. He pushed inside and kicked his shoes off, tossing the stack of letters haphazardly onto the kitchen table before throwing himself into the sofa.
Hyunjin messaged him back.
Hyunjin was always begging him to go out. Sometimes, when he knew he was being lazy and introverted, he would let Hyunjin drag him to bars and clubs or events. One time he convinced him to drive three hours with him to a tattoo convention. But more times than not he declined.
At least he would get to see Hyunjin. Hyunjin could never make a shitty day worse.
It was only a little after two, he had six hours until he had to leave for the bar.
Reluctantly, he peeled himself off the couch and padded to his bed. Six hours and nothing to do. His laundry was done, he didn’t have any dishes in the sink, and he definitely wasn’t opening up whatever was in that letter.
He pulled his shirt over his head and kicked his pants off. They stayed discarded on the floor as he grabbed his Xbox controller and buried himself in the sheets. He probably should have worked out instead of wasting time playing video games but there was always tomorrow.
Three hours down the drain playing the new Silent Hill game. He definitely wasn’t scared of those freaky ass blade lady things that appeared out of nowhere. Not at all. He just really liked the story and the art.
Dinner was a simple stir fry, something he could have leftovers of for the rest of the week. Chicken for protein, lots of veggies, premade sauce from the store, and a minimal amount of dishes to do.
He washed up and stood at his closet for what felt like ages. He wanted to look good, always wanted to look good when he was hanging out with Hyunjin, but he didn’t want to look like a try hard— and Jisung would definitely call him out if so. Oversized tee? No, he wanted to show off his toned body. Tank top? Too showy. Skirt?(boys can’t wear skirts) Too much for just going to Overhang, and Felix would call him a slut. Rude
Finally, he decided on a tight white t-shirt, his favorite baggy jean shorts. Nice. He looked nice. The t-shirt hugged his frame, the shorts would keep him from sweating his ass off, and Hyunjin would say something sweet about his chunky rings and silver necklace.
He was out the door just in time to catch the 7:40 train into town.
The air had finally cooled down with the sun setting, and he let out a relieved breath as he made his way down the sidewalk.
Overhang was a little dive bar, away from the main strip that Hyunjin began frequenting when he started his apprenticeship. He dragged Jisung and Felix there, and eventually Jeongin too. The drinks were cheap, there was always a table open, and the crowd was older and quieter. Sometimes they were the youngest people there, and Jeongin would never complain about that.
The flashing yellow neon came into view, and so did his tall, willowy, beauty of a best friend. His long black hair fell around his face, slightly curled past his ears. He was wrapped in a tight long sleeve that accentuated his broad shoulders and slim waist. He was turned away from Jeongin, but he could tell he was giggling. Felix was standing in front of him with a wide smile on his face, and they seemed to be sharing a cigarette.
He could hear that adorable, nasally, contagious laugh, like music to his ears. His own smile grew reflexively.
His hand shot up as he waved to the pair.
“Iyen-ah!” Felix threw his arms around him, nearly knocking him over with the force. Even with the pungent cigarette smoke, he could smell his sickly sweet vanilla body lotion. Felix looked good too, but he always looked good, "It's been too long. Have you been avoiding us again?”
“It’s been three days.” He muttered, prying Felix’s arms from his neck. His cheeks warmed as Felix flashed his teeth at him, “Where is Jisung-hyung?”
“You know him. He’ll be here right on time and not a second sooner. Had to wrap some stuff up with Changbinnie at the studio.” Felix said, and Jeongin just nodded.
“No hug for me, Yeni?” Hyunjin let out a fake pout. Before he could respond, Hyunjin was grabbing his arm and yanking him into his chest. He nosed along his hair, a bit of smoke rolling from his lips, and wrapped his arms over his shoulders. It felt like Hyunjin was trying to protect him, or hide him away. He felt so warm, he was sure that he was redder than a tomato.
He didn’t push him off. He really didn’t have the willpower, and Hyunjin was touchy anyways, so he kept his arms locked around his neck as he passed the cigarette to Felix. Jeongin twisted in his hold, and ended up smashed against his front awkwardly as the pair began to chat over him about Jisung and Changbin’s new project.
Jisung’s chunky boots scraped against the sidewalk as he approached, walking at a hurried pace. Just as Felix said, he was right on time.
“Isn’t it too hot for those boots, Sungie?” Hyunjin kicked at his sole with his sandal as Jisung began fishing around in his pocket for his wallet.
“Hoes don’t get cold. Or whatever they say.”
“Close enough.” Jeongin giggled and Hyunjin bit at his shoulder playfully.
“Don’t laugh at other people, Innie, it makes me jealous.” Jeongin’s face heated up even more than it already was. He wiggled again, trying to break out of Hyunjin’s grasp, but he just sunk his nails into his skin and hooked his chin over his shoulder.
“Admitting you have a problem is the first step, I guess.” Felix said, helping Jeongin away from what was close to being a very dangerous situation.
The hardest part about keeping his composure was how touchy and possessive Hyunjin was. It was another reason why he knew he didn’t share his feelings. Jeongin could hardly make eye contact with Hyunjin without blushing, but Hyunjin made it a point to hang all over him and say obscene things like they meant nothing.
He had to be God's strongest soldier.
And he really needed a drink.
“Okay, lets go. First round is on Felix.”
“Wait, why me?”
꩜ ‧.°. 𖦹.°.‧ ꩜‧.°.𖦹 .°.‧
Tuesday was liquor pitcher night. Felix got two vodka lemonade pitchers for the table to share. As soon as he sat them down on the table, Jeongin grabbed a straw began to drink, just short of chugging it.
Hyunjin just giggled, having no clue that his horrible behavior was all his fault.
He couldn’t see it when they were outside, when his back was pressed against Hyunjin’s chest, but now that they were sitting across a booth from each other, Hyunjin looked like a dream.
Jeongin shouldn’t have been surprised, he was basically model material, but what kind of person looks good in a dim lit dive bar?
His loose fitting top nearly fell off one shoulder, exposing creamy skin stretched tightly over his collarbones. The dim light cast shadows over his biceps, making him look even more broad and defined than he really was. He had eye liner and dark shadow around his eyes, and some lip gloss that made his lips look puffy and spit shined. Jeongin wanted to lean forward and suck it off. And his beautiful dark curls fell around his face, brushing against his shoulders and getting stuck to the droplets of sweat that slid down his neck and disappeared between his chest.
Thankfully, Jisung and Felix were there because if not, he would have gotten caught staring more than once. Jisung and Felix seemed to always be on “make jeongin look like an idiot” patrol, so he had to keep his guard up constantly.
The music was loud. They yelled at each other over the table, sucking down their drinks and playing cards. At some point, another pitcher appeared in front of him, stronger than the last. Jisung was obviously playing footsie with Felix under the table, but Hyunjin refused to let them out of the booth.
“Excuse me.”
A voice, soft and sweet despite needing to yell over the music, caught all of their attention. Four sets of eyes turned to stare at a scantily clad girl.
She was tall and filled out, with short cropped hair and more piercings than Jeongin could count in his drunken haze. There was a guy standing behind her, that seemed to be waiting on her.
The girl was staring directly at Hyunjin.
“My friend and I are leaving, but you have been catching my eye all night. I think you’re so attractive and your tattoos are so cool. Could I maybe get your number? Or Instagram, or something?” The girl’s confident aura faltered at the last few words as she fiddled with the hem of her crop top.
Hyunjin blinked up at her a few times.
Oh.
Oh no.
No, no, no.
She was exactly Hyunjin‘s type. She was probably an art student at the local university, cool and confident and unapologetic. He wouldn’t say no to her, and neither of them had any idea that she was stepping all over Jeongin.
Hyunjin’s lips parted, a small breath of air leaving his lungs—
“He’s taken. So sorry,” Jeongin blurted out impulsively with a wide apologetic smile. The girl looked at him, before turning back to Hyunjin as if to say more, “You have a nice night though, get home safe.”
The girl looked somewhat dumbfounded, before color erupted on her cheeks, visible even in the dark bar. She turned and mumbled something to her friend before they both walked away.
Four sets of eyes turned to look at him.
“Innie, what the fuck?”
It felt like he had been doused in ice water— no, like he had doused himself in ice water. Like the stupid pathetic idiot he was. Hyunjin’s voice was more confused than emotional. His eyes were wide as saucers, and so were Jisung’s. And Felix’s, though Felix looked more amused than anything.
His hands flew up to his face, then he smacked them back down to the table, and when he met Hyunjin’s eyes again, his hands returned. Like if he covered his face, he could disappear and pretend like nothing happened.
Nimble, narrow fingers peeled at the edges of his hands, until his trembling hands were clasped tightly in Hyunjin’s, fists pressed against the table.
“Dude?”
He needed another drink. His mind ran through a hundred ideas, excuses, anything he could say to get him out of it.
I saw a wedding ring on her finger.
I watched her play pool earlier and she was really bad.
She comes into my work and her order takes 20 minutes to make.
He willed himself to speak, say anything, redeem himself.
“I-I’m sorry. I don’t… shit. Hyung. Listen. I like you so much. I love you. Actually, I’m not even sure if I love you covers it. Which is so silly because you’re just my sweet hyung and I’m like your little brother or whatever you call me and we’ve never—there’s never been anything more but I want there to be and I’ve wanted there to be for l, like, years now and it’s killing me. Everytime someone talks to you I think that it’s over for me, that I waited too long. I can’t keep waiting.
“Do you know how hard it’s been for me to keep everything inside? For me to keep myself from leaning forward and kissing you everytime you bite your lip, keep myself from grabbing your hand every time we walk side by side?”
Jeongin’s word vomit only earned him stunned silence.
He wished that he could shove his fist into his mouth and swallow it whole. The pitchers on the table were empty. He didn’t think it possible, but Hyunjin’s eyes were even wider, hands trembling where they were clasped tightly around Jeongin’s.
The silence was more than enough.
All his years of being content by his Hyung’s side, happy just to be a part of his life, ruined by too many shots.
“Ah, shit, I… I gotta—“ Jeongin sprang up from the booth, pulling out of Hyunjin’s grasp. He hadn’t realized just how much he drank until the whole room spun dangerously. Two pitchers was one too many, apparently.
How stupid could he be? Confessing. In a bar. His words not even making any sense. In front of Jisung and Felix too?
He didn’t have a plan, didn’t know where he was going, just away from them. His feet hit the floor but it wasn’t grounding at all. The room tilted sideways and he stuck a hand out to brace against the table, but with met with nothing.
“Wait, Innie!” Hyunjin’s voice was fuzzy in his head as he felt a hand grasp his sleeve.
No.
He wrenched out of his grasp, like his touch burned, but Hyunjin’s grip was strong. Jeongin whipped around to yank his sleeve free, but the movement was too much.
He felt his feet come out from under him, like he had slipped in water, and the last thought that crossed his mind was how embarrassing it was going to be to smack his head off the bar’s wooden floor.
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
Jeongin woke up gasping, sitting straight up in bed as his arm flew out instinctively to turn his alarm off.
He was in bed. In his bed in the morning, eyes crusted with sleep, a sheen of sweat covering his bare chest. No bar floor or empty liquor pitchers to be seen. His gasping melted into a soft sigh of relief.
It was all a dream. A very horrible dream.
There was no hot girl trying to steal Hyunjin from him, there was no embarrassing confession. Life was good.
He let himself fall back onto his pillow, clutching his phone to his chest. He clicked the screen on, and scrolled through his notifications.
Just like every morning, there was a text from Hyunjin waiting for him.
He smiled at his phone. How silly his dream was. He would never do anything to jeopardize his relationship with his cherished Hyung. Hyunjin truly was the light of his life, even if he wanted more than what he was allowed to have.
There were no hot yoga pics or gym videos waiting for him, but he couldn’t be that lucky.
His morning was the same every day, like clock work, but he didn’t mind. He turned some music on and walked to his closet. He just had work today, so it didn’t matter what he wore. He popped some bread in the toaster and ran a wet hand through his hair while he waited for it. He didn’t even sit down to eat it, brushed his teeth, and was out the door just in time to make the 7:40 train.
The train was packed with the usual weekday morning rush, so he didn’t bother looking for a seat. He pulled his phone out and pushed an earbud into his ear to pass the time.
A strange feeling of Déjà vu washed over him as he typed out his reply. He wasn’t sure what a scorpion pose was but he didn’t think he had ever heard of it, and definitely hadn’t seen Hyunjin doing it before. The thought of him stretched out uncomfortably, legs splayed, skin slicked with sweat, made his knees weak and his toes curl in his shoes.
There was a small line at the checkout counter when he made his way inside and straight to the back room.
Hands were on his waist, grabbing his apron ties before he could even struggle with the knots.
“Good morning, Minho-hyung.” Jeongin gleamed as he began washing his hands.
“Lucky you, you get to work with me today, baby boy,” Minho grinned back. Jeongin flinched at the words. He sucked in a breath as he anticipated what was going to come out of his mouth next, “tell me your day is so much better now that you get to see your favorite Hyung.”
There it was. The Déjà vu washed over him again, cold and icy. This time, he remembered why he felt like that— they were the exact words that Dream Minho had spoken to him.
Creepy.
“Whatever helps you sleep at night, Hyung. Better than Ann, that’s for sure,” He snickered into his hand, but Minho let out a full bellied laugh, slapping a hand over his shoulder before disappearing to the front of the house.
Jeongin let the feeling of Deja Vu fade to the back of his mind as he fell into his work. It wasn’t particularly exciting or gratifying, actually it was quite humiliating at times, but it paid the bills and kept him busy.
His wrote names on cups, left room for cream, got yelled at by customers who were offended when he asked if whole milk was okay, refilled cold brew containers, the usual. Halfway through his shift, he burned his hand on the milk steamer, something he never really got the hang off. Thankfully, the morning rush was over so Minho let him take a long break in the back after he bandaged it.
Jeongin’s eyes raked over the words, and then once more. Just like his dream.
Jeongin couldn’t help but giggle at the exchange. He wasn’t one to usually have such vivid dreams, certainly not accurate ones either. If he can remember them, they’re usually bizarre— the walls are made of ice cream, everyone he talks to speaks in gibberish, he’s grown cat ears and a tail, he driving a car but through a giant department store— things like that. No mundane monotonous stuff like going to work and texting his crush about yoga.
His day droned on. Minho made some latte art that looked like a cat, he accidentally called a customer named Hannah, Sarah, he helped unload the supplies order, and finally begged Minho to untie his apron.
The train home felt like a breath of fresh air, but his breath caught in his lungs as he checked his phone again.
His brain didn’t even register the absolutely absurd insinuation that of the two of them, Hyunjin would be the one getting Jeongin pregnant, because his skin clammed up. Even on the busy summer train, he shivered.
For the third time that day, icy cold Deja Vu washed over him. Once is nothing to worry about, twice is a coincidence, but three times? It felt like a warning label he blatantly ignored, words on the tip of his tongue, dates on a calendar that he knew were important but couldn’t remember why.
Such a specific event, how could he have known? Something in him subconsciously locked his phone, tapping the screen to check the date.
Tuesday, June 24th. Okay, it was Tuesday. He remembered it being Tuesday in his dream, so that made sense. Maybe he was sick. Or he was finally becoming a prophet.
He bowed his head and prayed, maybe a bit ignorantly, asking God if this was some sort of sign of divine talent.
Could illness cause prophetic dreams?
He wanted to text Hyunjin about it, but he could already hear him telling Jeongin that he sounded crazy and needed to get some sleep. With a sigh, he typed out
He shoved his phone in his pocket as he stepped off the train and walked to his apartment. He grabbed his mail before walking in, he couldn’t remember the last time he checked if. The box was nearly fully, mostly paper bills that he had been too lazy to call and request paperless billing for. There was one blue envelope tucked into the pile, with hand wiring on it and his parents home address stamped on in the top left corner.
He kicked the door in and tossed the stack of letters haphazardly on the kitchen counter.
He didn’t want to talk to his parents. He had kept no-contact since he moved out, and wasn’t interested in breaking it on a random Tuesday in June.
Again, the Déjà vu left his mind as his mood plummeted.
Hyunjin texted him, begging to go out and Jeongin just didn’t have the energy to tell him no. So there he was, wasting three hours half-naked in bed playing Silent Hill, cooking a huge pan of stir-fry, and fretting over his outfit again.
Something in him knew what to wear, pulling the tight white t-shirt and baggy jean shorts out easily. But his hair wouldn’t cooperate, stands sticking up wanton where he had laid with his head smashed against the headboard for three hours.
He left just in time to make the 7:40 train.
Felix and Hyunjin stood outside the bar sharing a cigarette. Felix was glowing, like usual, blonde hair and freckles striking no matter how many times he saw him. And of course, Hyunjin. In his loose crop top, half fallen off his shoulder, sliver of thin waist visible.
He yelped when Felix pulled him into a hug.
"It's been too long. Have you been avoiding us again?” Felix feigned sadness as he rocked on his feet, pulling Jeongin around with him.
“It’s been three days.” He muttered, but his protest fell on deaf ears, “where’s Jisung-hyung?”
“You know him. He’ll be here right on time and not a second sooner. Had to wrap some stuff up with Changbinnie at the studio.” Felix said, and Jeongin just nodded.
“No hug for me, Yeni?” Hyunjin let out a fake pout, mimicking Felix’s fake sadness. They were both manipulative foxes, worse than Jeongin himself. Before he could respond, Hyunjin grabbed him and pulled him into his chest, nosing his smoky breath into Jeongin hair. He couldn’t see his own face, but he would imagine it was somewhere between scarlet and rose. Even with the cigarette smoke, Jeongin could smell his musky perfume.
He didn’t push him off. Jeongin twisted in his hold, and ended up smashed against his front awkwardly as the pair began to chat over him about Jisung and Changbin’s new project.
Jisung’s chunky boots scraped against the sidewalk as he approached, walking at a hurried pace. Just as Felix said, he was right on time.
“Isn’t it too hot for those boots, Sungie?”
“Hoes don’t get cold. Or whatever they say.”
Jeongin giggled, chest vibrating against Hyunjin’s. Hyunjin leaned his head down and bit at his shoulder playfully.
“Don’t laugh at other people, Innie, it makes me jealous.” Jeongin’s face heated up even more than it already was. He wiggled more, trying to break out of Hyunjin’s grasp, but he just sunk his nails into his skin and hooked his chin over his shoulder.
After a few more words, they walked into the bar. The setting was all too familiar, a frequent haunt of theirs. Tuesday was liquor pitcher night— they were meant for sharing, but whether they actually shared was up to them and God.
He ended up sitting across from Hyunjin in a small booth. Under the pretty neon lights of the bar, he looked dreamy. Glossy lips and high cheekbones, long hair that made Joengin want to run his fingers through it endlessly. His fingers absentmindedly played with the chunky rings that adorned them, clacking against the table as the played cards.
The sight was eerily familiar, but he knew he was only feeling that way because of the dream. If he had more dreams like that, he would have to tell someone, but for now it was best to keep it to himself.
Before he realized it, he had already finished a liquor pitcher by himself. His head was pleasantly fuzzy and he couldn’t stop smiling at Hyunjin and Felix who sat in his direct line of sight. His sweet hyungs.
“Excuse me.”
A voice, soft and sweet despite needing to yell over the music, caught all of their attention. Four sets of eyes turned to stare at a scantily clad girl.
It was the girl from last night. Short hair and piercings, something he imagined was straight out of Hyunjin’s wet dreams.
The girl was staring directly at him.
“My friend and I are leaving, but you have been catching my eye all night. I think you’re so attractive and your tattoos are so cool. Could I maybe get your number? Or Instagram, or something?” The girl’s confident aura faltered at the last few words as she fiddled with the hem of her crop top.
There was a tight knot in Jeongin’s throat as he watched the gears in Hyunjin’s mind turn.
His head was fuzzy, and everything in him was screaming for him to stop this. That this was finally the person to take Hyunjin away from him, that he was losing his only chance before he even took it. If he didn’t say something, they would kiss and fall in love and live happily ever after without him.
But then he remembered his dream. How mortifying his sloppy confession was. How badly he wished to bite his tongue off and choke on it as Hyunjin stared at him with emotionless eyes.
He kept quiet. All he could do was stare at the two and hope he rejected her outright.
“Uh, okay. Sure. Don’t really use social media, but here’s my number.” Hyunjin’s tone was polite, maybe a bit fleeting. Jeongin felt like he was dying inside as he watched Hyunjin punch his digits into her phone, waiving his fingers as she walked away.
The whistle Felix let out made his skin crawl.
“Damn, Hyun!” He punched his shoulder playfully, but Hyunjin didn’t react. He was staring at Jeongin.
“Innie. Iyen-ah. Why do you look like someone just shot your childhood dog?”
Jeongin’s face twisted, and he went to knit his brows only to find that they were already knitted, lips turned down in a frown.
Shit.
He schooled his expression, eyes going wide as he tried to fix his scowl. All that work and restraint for nothing. Curse the stupid liquor pitchers.
“Wha-what? Nothing. It’s nothing.” He hoped and prayed that he could pull it off, that they would let it go. But Hyunjin was his best friend, and he could never let anything lie.
“What do you mean nothing? Did you know her? Is that your ex or someth—“
“Absolutely not, hyung.”
He cut him off, but it really was no use, because it was Hyunjin; his personal new station, whose middle name may as well be “melodramatic”, who somehow knew everything about everyone.
“Then what?”
“I said it’s nothing!” His voice rang loud over the booming bar speakers, annoyance ringing clear. He didn’t mean to sound so mean and rude. They pissed him off all the time but he never actually got mad. It’s just that Hyunjin actually gave his number to that girl and then had the audacity to grill Jeongin about why he might possibly be in a bad mood.
He was fucking everything up again.
“Shit. I’m sorry. I, uh, gotta go piss,” he pushed out of his seat and the world spun. The two liquor pitchers he had were painfully obvious when he had two feet on the floor and was trying to stand up right. He had to hurry, he didn’t have time to wait for the world to stop spinning.
“Wait, innie!” Hyunjin’s voice over the blood rushing in his ears. He felt a tug on his sleeve, keeping him from making his escape. Oh God, if he stayed here any longer, there was no telling what horrible secrets Hyunjin would dredge out of him.
He turned to face him and yanked his arm out of his grasp. The force was a little too much for him, and he took a few steps back to steady himself, but the steps weren’t steadying at all. His world tilted one last time, fleeting anticipation of smacking the back of his head off the bar’s wooden floor.
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
Jeongin sat upright in his bed with a gasp, hands reaching out to grab for the tables or anything that would keep him from falling.
He was in his bed, blankets piled in his lap and a sheen of sweat across his bare chest.
There was an echoing ghost of pain at the back of his head, and he wasn’t sure if it was his imagination or if he had really hurt himself. He wasn’t sure of anything at that moment.
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
He reached out and found his phone, clicking the alarm off with the push of a button. Momentarily, his vision swam and his throat felt dry, like he had been drinking but as soon as he recognized the feeling, it was gone.
He tapped at his screen, this time instead of going straight to the notifications, he let his eyes wander to the time and date at the top of the screen.
Tuesday, June 24th.
It’s Tuesday again?
“What the fuck? What the fuck?” He muttered under his breath, knuckles going white as he stared at his phone. It was Tuesday again. Which meant… what?
The text sat unanswered on his screen. No pictures or videos, same time, same emojis, and same amount of extra letters at the end of his name as he remembered there being yesterday. Hyunjin’s texts weren’t that uniform.
Sometimes it was “good morning,. Iyen-ah” sometimes “are you out of bed yet, lazy Yeni?” Sometimes it was “morning sunshine😍😍😍” so the same text message twice, maybe three days in a row was wrong.
Something was very, very wrong. He texted back a reply.
Why was it Tuesday again?
He got out of bed and turned some music on to keep himself from spacing out. Whatever was going on, he needed to go to work still. He threw on a t shirt and jeans, something simple. He put a piece of bread in the toaster and ran a wet hand through his hair while he waited. He slathered some jam on it and ate it taking a seat, brushing his teeth and heading out the door just in time to make the 7:40 train.
He stared at his phone as the texts came in about the scorpion pose. Brief glimpses of Hyunjin in tights flashed across his mind before he shook them away. Not again.
It didn’t make sense. None of it made sense but he couldn’t wrap his head around it.
“Good morning, Minho-hyung.” He mumbled out as Minho took the apron ties from his hands, small fingers grazing along his back.
“Lucky you, you get to work with me today, baby boy,” Minho grinned back. Jeongin flinched at the words. He sucked in a breath as he anticipated what was going to come out of his mouth next, “tell me your day is so much better now that you get to see your favorite Hyung.”
The same as before, and before. Jeongin looked at him dazedly, trying to make the connection he so desperately was missing.
“Baby boy. Are you sick? Why are you staring at your hyung like he sprouted ears and a tail?” Minho was blinking at him.
That was different. Very different.
He was supposed to respond with a line about Ann. Jeongin let out a sigh of relief.
“I’ve been having horrible dreams, Hyung. You wouldn’t believe.”
“Can’t be any worse than what I experience while I’m awake. Try putting your phone down before bed, Innie” Minho’s tone was deadpan as he clapped a hand on Jeongin’s shoulder and disappeared to the front house. He followed suit, shaking the last bits of brain fog out of his mind.
He worked his shift; he wrote names on cups, brewed matcha, mixed cold foam with syrups, got yelled at by customers who wanted their frappees in a “normal” cup with a “normal” lid, and made himself an iced americano.
Despite his best efforts, he still burnt himself on the milk steamer. Minho let him take a few extra minutes in the break room after he bandaged it up.
The same texts greeted him.
His reply was thoughtless and automatic. He had only thought about it three times already, so it was easy to type out. It still didn’t make sense. Skeptically, he checked the date again— Tuesday, June 24th. It was definitely Tuesday still. Or again. He wasn’t exactly sure.
He finished out his shift and headed home. He wasn’t phased by Hyunjin’s weird pregnancy text, nor did he open the letter from his parents when he fished it out of the mail.
He went straight to his bed, peeling his shirt over his head and climbing into the sheets. It was too hot to be rolling around in bed but he didn’t care. The texts from Hyunjin’s came in as expected.
He wasted three hours playing Silent Hill, made stir fry, and scrolled through Instagram instead of fretting about what to wear. He remembered what he wore the night before— a tight white t shirt and baggy jean shorts. Instead of fretting with his hair, he pushed a hat into his head, the stands poking out over his ears. He probably needed a haircut soon. He was out the door just in time to make the 7:40 train.
Felix and Hyunjin were standing outside the bar sharing a cigarette. Felix was laughing, practically glowing under the yellow neon light of the bar. Seeing Hyunjin in his loose fit crop top and low rise jeans took his breath away. It didn’t matter if it was dark and he could hardly see, or if he was turned away, or if he had seen him in a dream multiple times the exact same way. He was breath taking.
"It's been too long. Have you been avoiding us again?” Expecting it, he let Felix pull him into his arms without protest. Felix feigned sadness as he rocked on his feet, pulling Jeongin around with him.
“It’s been three days.” He muttered in response, “where’s ji—“ he went to ask, but he stopped himself. Jeongin knew where Jisung was. He could remember from the night before, he would be here right on time and not a second sooner.
“Where’s Jisung? He’s in the studio with Changbinnie, had to finish somethings up. He’ll be here.”
“No hug for me, Yeni?” He knew what was happening, he knew Hyunjin was going to pull him into his arms but he still couldn’t keep the bright redness from warming his cheeks. He caught sight of Felix’s amused grin as Hyunjin passed him the last of the cigarette.
If only he could stay pressed against Hyunjin’s chest for the rest of the night, he could die happy. But any longer and he would embarrass himself. He squirmed and ended up awkwardly against him. Hyunjin hooked his chin over Jeongin’s shoulder as Jisung scurried up to them, boots scraping against the sidewalk.
“Isn’t it too hot for those boots, Sungie?”
“Hoes don’t get cold. Or whatever they say.”
Jeongin laughed even thought he knew the joke was coming, chest vibrating against Hyunjin’s. Hyunjin leaned his head down and bit at his shoulder playfully.
“Don’t laugh at other people, Innie, it makes me jealous.” Jeongin finally pushed out of his grasp, patting the redness of his cheeks away.
They walked into the bar and stuffed themselves into an open booth. It was the same one as the night before, close to the bar and far from the bathrooms. The girl that was supposed to approach them was bent over the pool table, pocketing solids as she sipped what looked to be a beer.
He wondered if maybe he walked over and shot her down now, if she would leave them alone for the night. There was no way he could do that without alerting one of the three stooges of his actions.
As Felix sat the liquor pitcher in front of him, Jeongin couldn’t help but suck it down. Not only did Hyunjin’s pretty face make his mouth dry, but everything felt horribly familiar. He found that he wasn’t fond of the feeling of Déjà vu. He could only hope this was the last Tuesday the 24th he had to suffer through.
Hyunjin’s rings clinked against the counter as they played cards, drawing Jeongin’s attention to his long, nimble fingers. He really was so breathtakingly beautiful.
“Excuse me.”
The girl was standing at the head of their table, staring at Hyunjin. Four sets of eyes turned to look at her.
Again, Jeongin’s instincts flared as she began to ask for Hyunjin’s number. The memories from the nights before flared in his mind. He couldn’t have a repeat of either of those nights. He needed to keep his mouth shut and keep his emotions off his face.
He looked down at his empty pitcher, then over at Jisung’s that was still half full of the blue liquid. He swapped their drinks.
“He—“ Jisung began to protest, but was quickly stopped by Felix who kicked him under the table, willing him not to interrupt whatever moment Hyunjin and the girl were having.
He busied himself sucking down the remnants of Jisung’s drink as he patiently waited for the exchange to end.
“Damn Hyun!” Felix whistled, clapping Hyunjin on the shoulder. He was waiting for it, as he glanced up from his drink. Thankfully, Hyunjin wasn’t looking at him. His expression was one of disgust, as he pushed back at Felix’s shoving him into the wall.
“She’s not my type, so shut it!”
“Then why’d you give her your number?”
“You try getting put on the spot like that!” Hyunjin snapped back. Jeongin just sat quietly, forcing out a laugh when it was appropriate. He survived. No awkward confessions or smacking his head off the bar floor for him. At least he had a reason to celebrate.
At some point, Jisung and Felix crawled out of the booth and disappeared, probably off to find some dark corner to make out in and then lie about to everyone. It was the same story most nights they all went out together.
Hyunjin didn’t care, and had spent the last twenty minutes telling Jeongin the long way around a story about a client who had requested a third-cover up of their ex-partners name. He was staring at him, half lidded, watching his lips move as the alcohol swirled in his brain.
“Innie, do you wanna dance?
His name pulled him out of his stupor.
“Me? Dance? With you?”
Hyunjin scoffed out a laugh, “Yeah, who else?”
Dancing with Hyunjin. At a bar, both drunk, bodies pressed close. The windows of the bar were open to let in the summer night breeze. There was sweat on Hyunjin’s skin, and if they danced together it would be Hyunjin’s sweat on Jeongin’s skin. Like a dream come true, but not something he was sure he could handle.
“Okay yeah. Sorry that was dumb.”
Hyunjin took his hand and helped him out of the booth. The extra liquor pitched went straight his his head, world tilting even worse than before as his feet made contact with the floor. All he could do was let out a loud laugh, tipping his head back.
“Ah, careful Innie,” Hyunjin cooed as he wrapped an arm around his waist, helping him find his a balance as they walked over to a small open area of the floor. There were a few people dancing to the music, but dancing at bars wasn’t something that happened often unless there was a live band.
He was too drunk and tired to care. Hyunjin lead the way, pushing Jeongin into twirls, guiding his hips to sway them in turn. It was the closet feeling to Heaven that Jeongin thought he might ever achieve.
The alcohol helped deteriorate the usual nerves he felt when he was pressed close to Hyunjin, so he was able to truly enjoy himself. His usual smile was plastered to his cheeks, deep dimples a permanent fixture, except he kept laughing. He laughed as Hyunjin’s hair brushed his arms and when Hyunjin pushed him into spins.
He had no idea when Hyunjin had learned how to dance but he didn’t care. He was grateful that he was leading and had his wits about him, because Jeongin was tripping over his shoes and swaying much to hard to be a good partner.
He was so infatuated with Hyunjin. He wanted to sink into his pretty eyes and drown there, make a home in the divot of his collarbone. Kiss every inch of his face until they were both breathless.
Hyunjin pushed him out and pulled him in, wrapping Jeongin into his arms. There faces were so close. Hyunjin had a goofy smile plastered to his lips.
He couldn’t help himself.
Not when they were this close and having such a good time.
He moved the extra few inches and pressed his lips against Hyunjin’s.
It felt like a movie— the world stopped just for a moment as Jeongin pushed down the rush of emotions in his gut so he could process what was going on. Hyunjin’s lips were on his, so plush and soft. They tasted like the drink they had shared earlier in the night, the faint lingering taste of cigarettes dancing behind it. It was everything he dreamed of and more.
His lips weren’t moving.
Jeongin’s lips were moving, kissing, but Hyunjin wasn’t kissing back. His eyes shot open as he pushed out of Hyunjin’s grasp. They stared at each other wide-eyed. His lips parted to speak, but before he could, Jeongin turned to bolt.
To where, he didn’t know, but he needed to get away from Hyunjin. He fucked it up again.
Hyunjin’s fingers curled around his wrist and that eerie sense of Déjà vu washed over him once more, but he couldn’t stop what was happening. He twisted to face Hyunjin and ripped his arm out of his grasp. The world spun as he swayed on his feet, the force sending him off balance.
The last thing he saw was Hyunjin reaching out, trying to catch him before his head hit the bar’s wooden floor.
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
“Shit!” Jeongin woke with curses on his breath, chest heaving and sweating. The blankets pooled in his lap as he fumbled for his phone and clicked his arm off.
There was a dull ache in the back of his head that slowly faded as he blinked the sleep away from his eyes. He tapped at his screen and rubbed his eyes until he could focuse on the little white words.
Tuesday, June 24th.
It was Tuesday again. The same Tuesday he just lived through, and had lived through three times already. It wasn’t a prophetic dream before, or whatever he had it chalked up to at first.
The thing he was forgetting, the words on the tip of his tongue were finally at the front of his brain: time loop.
Jeongin was stuck in a time loop.
Like something out of a sci-fi movie or a book he was supposed to read in high school but ended up skimming through the cliff notes instead. He racked through his brain, trying to dredge up anything he knew and understood about time loops. He never watched Groundhog Day, but there was that one movie, the horror movie that had a time loop in it. Jisung made him watch that but he fell asleep halfway through.
How did those movies end? What ended up being the cure for a time loop? Why were they stuck there in the first place? Even if he had the answers, he had no idea if it would work, because they were just stories. This was real life. Jeongin was actually, really, truly stuck in a time loop.
His luck couldn’t be worse.
He looked at the date on his phone again, then noticed that he had spent over five minutes sitting in bed thinking. If he didn't hurry, he would miss the train to work.
He skipped the music, going to his closet and throwing on the first thing he grabbed. He popped a piece of bread in the toaster and ran a wet hand through his hair. He brushed his teeth and took his toast to go, pace just a little faster to make the 7:40 train.
He didn’t even have a chance to text Hyunjin back.
Hyunjin’s texts were the same. A simple morning with a silly emoji, and talk about his yoga. What the hell even was a scorpion pose anyways?
He walked past the line waiting at the counter and didn’t flinch when Minho took the ties on his back and began to knot them together.
“Good morning, Minho-Hyung.”
“Lucky you, you get to work with me today, baby boy,” Jeongin could basically recite the words, sighing as he yanks the apron tight around his waist, “tell me your day is so much better now that you get to see your favorite Hyung.”
“Whatever helps you sleep at night, hyung. Better than Ann,” the words tumbled out, and Minho laughed before disappearing to the front of the house.
As he got to work writing names on cups, printing order receipts, and packing espresso, his brain finally wandered back to his problem at hand: he was stuck in a time loop. If he didn’t figure it out, he could end up stuck reliving the same day at work, getting yelled at by the same customers and burning his hand on the milk frother forever. At least he got stuck with Minho and not Ann. He needed to appreciate the small things, at this point.
Maybe it was the bar. The time loop always seemed to reset when he hit his head on the bar floor, so maybe that was the issue. If he didn’t go to the bar at all, he absolutely couldn’t hit his head on the floor.
His day went on as expected. Despite his best efforts, he still managed to burn his hand on the milk frother. He took his break and read through Hyunjin’s world ending client cancellation event for the fourth time. The train ride was short, and when he got home, he haphazardly tossed his mail on the kitchen table.
Jeongin sighed as he stared down at the messages. He may not be able to avoid Hyunjin, but at least they wouldn’t be at the bar. It would be fine, surely.
Instead of wasting his three hours playing Silent Hill in bed, he ran to the store to get beer and snacks, something he didn’t have on hand since the role of party host was so kindly thrust upon him. He spent the rest of the time tidying up his house, which involved shoving most of his belongs into his bedroom, piling them on his dresser and night stand. He picked up the stray laundry that was dotted around the house and moved his Xbox to the living room so they could play games or watch movies.
Hyunjin was the first to arrive, knocking at his door at seven thirty sharp. Well, knocking was one way to describe it. He had a board game, a fluffy blanket and a container of guacamole tucked under his arms and a bottle of wine in each hand, so his knocking was kicking the door with his shoe and yelling until Jeongin was able to let him in.
“Hyung, don’t you own bags?”
“You’re so smart Innie, but not very useful unless you say something before I am already here with all my belongings.”
He helped Hyunjin unload and they cracked their first drinks. He helped Joengin set some snacks out and then they migrated to the living room to wait. He wasn’t as dolled up as he had been the last few nights for the bar, but he still looked lovely. Instead of a loose crop top, he wore a tight fitted t-shirt that hugged his toned biceps and strong shoulders. His hair was pulled off of his face and back in a small bun, bangs falling over his high cheekbones.
Even his bare face was captivating. Jeongin could have stared at him forever.
Hyunjin huffed out a sigh and tapped his wine glass against the edge of Jeongin’s beer, “I’m sorry for signing you up for this. There are no dishes in your sink so I know you spent the last few hours cleaning just for us. I just really wanted to see you tonight, so I’m glad it worked out.” He glanced over at Jeongin with a soft smile on his face, and his gaze coupled with the compliment was enough to make Jeongin choke on his drink. He was flushed from his cheeks to his neck.
Hyunjin really wanted to see him? Was he dreaming?
Hyunjin brought a hand down hard on his back, and he let out a final cough, blinking tears from his eyes.
“Shit, some sincerity really will kill you, huh?” Hyunjin laughed, and he was grateful that he played it off on his own, sparing him the embarrassment of fumbling through an excuse.
Felix arrived a few minutes later with a handle of Fireball, and right at 8 and not a second later, Jisung showed up with a case of hard ciders. Four was a party. He turned some music on and they broke into the snacks Jeongin bought.
It's fun and relaxing, much more relaxing than the bar. His plan was definitely going to work, and tomorrow he would wake up on Wednesday and this whole mess would be no more than a bad memory. They played cards and probably drank too much, but not near as much as he had chugged the past few nights. At some point, Jisung put on some sort of bizarre sketch comedy video from the early days of youtube, and he and Hyunjin ended up in the kitchen together.
Hyunjin had propped himself up on the counter, leaning against his cabinets and drinking wine straight from the bottle. Something red and tart that didn’t smell very good, but he seemed to be enjoying it.
Even though he was still drinking, still nervous as shit around Hyunjin, it was definitely different than the last few days.
“Jeonginnie, what are you smiling about?” Hyunjin swirled the wine around in his glass, watching the red liquid slide down the glass. He hadn’t even realized he was smiling.
“Just, having a good night I guess,” he chirped back, tilting his head and smiling wide. This nightmare would be over soon. But Hyunjin didn’t look up at him, eyes still fixated on his glass.
“What do you think about my Hinge date. He’s older than me.”
Jeongin’s stomach dropped at the mention. Hyunjin had texted him about it each day and every time, he could never get himself to change his response.
As soon as he hit send, he pushed the thought as far out of his mind as he could. If he thought about Hyunjin actually going on the date– something that, despite how often he mentioned dating, he never seemed to follow through with– he would end up in a pathetic depressive spiral. It wasn’t like he had any control over it.
He swallowed over the lump in his throat.
“If he treats you well, and you’re happy, then I don’t care who you spend your time with.”
Clear, concise, no feelings displayed, just affection for his dear friend.
“What if he’s an axe murderer?”
“I really don’t think you’d have matched with an ax murderer, Hyung. You’re way too picky.”
“Okay, what if we fall in love and get married?”
Once again, the beer he was drinking got stuck in his throat, and he pounded his chest a few times as he choked. Hyunjin had finally looked up at him, and was staring with wide eyes. He was completely serious and was waiting for Jeongin to answer the question. He wanted to just walk away. It was torture to think about this more than he already had to, and now Hyunjin was asking him stupid questions that made his stomach sick. The possibility was there, that the love of his life was sitting in his dms as they spoke.
“What?”
“Just a hypothetical. He could be the love of my life.”
The words make his eye twitch in frustration. Why was he even asking Jeongin anyways.
“Well, I don’t know. I can’t control that. What’s his name, anyways?” The words weren’t right, they didn’t even make sense but Hyunjin didn’t pay it any mind.
“Uh, San, I think.”
“Hyunjin, you can’t even remember his name and you're asking me about marriage?”
He tipped his bottle back and swallowed the remainder of the red liquid, sitting it back down on the counter with a thunk. Hyunjin looked unimpressed.
His lips twitched down as his knuckles went white around his beer bottle. What was he insinuating? Did he know about his feelings? If so, why was he tormenting him? If Hyunjin felt so strongly that Jeongin was a pathetic loser for falling for his best friend who didn’t like him back, couldn’t he at least show a little mercy?
He didn’t want to talk about it, he didn’t want to think about it, or even explore the idea of Hyunjin being with other people. He was done with the conversation, and he desperately wished he would drop it already.
“It wouldn’t bother you at all?”
Something in him snapped.
“Why are you fucking asking me, Hyunjin? I said I don’t care!”
His voice echoed off the tile backsplash, and he could hear Jisung and Felix’s incessant chatter come to a halt.
Fuck.
Hyunjin’s eyes were wide as saucers.
“Shit, I, um. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to…” His words caught in his throat as Hyunjin’s face slowly dropped. His drink nearly tumbled out of his hands as he began to scramble.
It's sick.
The feeling of deja vu that washed over him as he instinctively twisted, as Hyunjin grabbed his wrist and he turned just enough to yank free of his grip. Once again, he was sent off balance, though, this time it's the edge of the kitchen counter rather than the bar’s wooden floor.
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
“Fuck!” Jeongin yelled out, sitting straight up in bed. His chest was heaving, a sheen of sweat coating his skin, and his blankets were pooled in a pile on his lap. He scrambled for his phone, clicking the screen on.
Tuesday, June 24th.
Skipping the bar didn’t work. He still managed to smack his head and end up in his bed. On Tuesday again. So the bar wasn’t the solution. Jeongin stared at his phone in his hands, the date and time plastered on the front of his lock screen was just mockery at that point.
He revisits the last few days in his head– he would wake up, text Hyunjin, go to work, talk to Minho, burn his hand, text Hyunjin, check his mail, text Hyunjin, play video games, cook dinner, and then hang out with Hyunjin.
Maybe he needed to stay away from Hyunjin. It was always him grabbing his wrist and throwing him off balance, so if he didn’t let him get close enough to grab him, maybe it would keep him from hitting his head and he could end the loop.
Every time the day reset, he regretted more and more that he never watched those time loop movies.
Jeongin didn’t text back. With a sigh, he got out of bed and started his morning routine. He pulled on some simple clothes, put toast in the toaster, ran a wet hand through his hair and brushed his teeth. He left just in time to make the 7:40 train into town.
Despite not responding to any of his texts, Hyunjin sent his usual messages. Instead of saying anything back, he finally decided to google whatever a scorpion pose was, and cringed as he scrolled through the pictures. Maybe it would be hot to see Hyunjin like that, but only if he could get past the way his own back hurt from just looking at it.
He greeted Minho on his way in, reciting the same phrases and the same jokes. Minho laughed and skittered off to the front of the house. Jeongin wrote names on cups, washed dishes, scooped toppings, and made himself an iced americano.
Somehow, he could never manage to keep himself from burning his hand on the milk frother. When Minho told him to take a longer break, he didn’t text Hyunjin back. It was the same string of messages— he wanted to visit but his client canceled. Instead, he leaned back against the breakroom wall and finished his drink early.
He had started recognizing some of the customers that came in. He hadn’t relived the day long enough to remember what they ordered, but they all started sounding familiar.
After the deliveries, he took the train home. He grabbed the mail and chucked it on the kitchen table. He went straight to his bed and pulled his phone out. Hyunjin’s texts had finally differed.
His heart ached, but he just turned off his phone and buried himself in the sheets. He didn’t play video games, he just let himself fall asleep, hoping he might sleep all night and wake up on Wednesday.
It’s dark when he finally opened his eyes again, and he was covered in sweat, the remnants of a nightmare still pounding in his chest. It’s disorienting, but he blinked his eyes a few times and realized what had woken him up— there was an incessant knocking at his front door. He clicked on his phone to see it was nearly 10pm, and after some more thought, it was raining.
He didn’t know when the rain had started, or if it was new. The last few days, he was in loud bars or parties so he hadn’t been paying attention to the weather. But it was quiet throughout his apartment, aside from the droplets of rain that were pecking at his window.
The knocking grew louder, and then he heard a soft, muffled voice call his name.
He scrambled out of bed, throwing a shirt over his head before he made it to the door.
Hyunjin was standing in his doorway, fist raised to knock again. He was soaked head to toe.
“Hyunjin hyung?”
Hyunjin breathed out a loud sigh of relief as his eyes darted rapidly over Jeongin’s face, “Innie. You— you’re here.”
His voice was relieved, but Jeongin could tell there was something more too it. He didn’t understand why Hyunjin was here.
“Where else would I be?”
Hyunjin gave him an incredulous look, and scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest, “You weren’t answering your phone. I st—“
Jeongin cut him off, noticing the way Hyunjin was obviously shivering from the cold. He looked like drowned rat, “Hyung, get in here. Please, let me get you a towel first.”
Jeongin grabbed his wet arm and dragged him inside, shutting the door behind him. He went to the bathroom and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around Hyunjin’s shoulders. He reluctantly pulled it right around them, using it more as a blanket than a means to dry himself.
“Did you miss the train or something? Why are you soaked?”
Hyunjin just stared at him. It looked like he was trying to stop himself from scowling, but there was more to it. He felt like he had been caught skipping school, or staying up late without his mom’s permission. Maybe disappointment? But that didn’t seem exactly right. He didn’t answer.
Jeongin let out a quiet sigh, and let his gaze fall to his feet.
“Look, I’m sorry I didn’t text you back. I’m just… going through something right now.” The lie felt bitter on his tongue. It wasn’t truly a lie, he was definitely going through something but it felt like a lie. A pitiful excuse to get Hyunjin off his back.
“Something you can’t tell me about?” The question was laced with sarcasm and rhetoric, more of a statement really. It only made him feel worse.
“I’m sorry, Hyung.”
“Whatever it is, you can tell me. I promise,” He looked up to see Hyunjin’s eyes glassy and wide. He didn’t look angry or annoyed, instead, he looked worried, he shifted on his feet, like he was contemplating his words, “Please, Innie. Don’t scare me like that again.”
“I won’t. I just can't tell you.”
Hyunjin’s face fell, and Jeongin could see the distraught clearly, and hear it too, the anxiety pushing his voice out louder and higher than before.
“Why not?”
“I can’t. It’s not… it’s…”
As Jeongin stared into those wide, glassy eyes, he could feel his composure crumbling. Sopping wet, his skin was glistening and his clothes were stuck to his body, showing off every crease and divot. His skin was starting to flush where his body was trying desperately to warm him up, and he just looked so pretty.
The man he loved, with all of his heart, was standing in front of him and Jeongin was lying to him. Breaking his heart, disappointing him, reminding Hyunjin why he could never love him back.
“Is it me?”
“Yes,” fuck, “No! No, it’s not. Please don’t ask.”
Hyunjin reached forward with his wet hands, finding Jeongin’s wrist and pulling him a few steps closer. It didn’t seem like his usual need to know everything, his addiction to drama. Hyunjin just looked desperate and scared. But Jeongin had fucked up, so he barely even noticed, trying to figure out how to get out of the conversation.
“Innie. Please let me in. Whatever it is, you can—“
“I can’t! I can’t tell you!”
“Jeongin…” Hyunjin’s eyes scanned his face, running desperate over every inch, searching for the words he couldn’t speak. And then his voice dropped, low, almost a whisper, “Innie. Do you like me?”
Jeongin’s stomach sank so quickly, he thought he might be sick. “I-is it really that obvious?” He managed to stutter out, despite his blood going completely cold. Hyunjin still had a tight grip on his arm, but it felt like a handcuff. He couldn’t read his expression, and he didn’t want to try. If he attempted to stomach Hyunjin’s disappointment, he would actually be sick. His lips trembled as he tried to form more words, “I’ve been trying, trying so hard… oh my God, I can’t do this.”
The knot in his throat was so tight that tears slipped from his eyes.
He jerked his arm free of Hyunjin’s grasp.
Oh.
Oh.
The feeling of Déjà vu was like the familiarity of the local funeral home.
He had tried. He didn’t go to the bar, he tried to stay away from Hyunjin, yet still, here he was. The feeling of Déjà vu was much stranger than the instant panic one usually felt when their feet slipped out from under them, and their body realized it was plummeting to the ground.
The rainwater had seeped off of Hyunjin, and formed a nice pool on Jeongin’s vinyl flooring, just slick enough for him to lose his balance.
He got a nice view of Hyunjin’s shocked expression before his head hit the wall behind them.
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
Jeongin jolted upright, gasping for breath. His blankets were heaped in a pile on his lap, and there was a sheen of sweat coating his bare chest.
Tuesday number six, going strong.
He learned forward and rested his head in his hands for far longer than he should have, before ultimately resigning and deciding to go through his day again, as usual.
It wasn’t the bar floor, and somehow he still ended up with Hyunjin in the end. And even worse, somehow, every time he had managed to end the day making a total fool of himself.
He pulled on simple clothes, put a slice of bread in the toaster, ran a wet hand through his hair, and finished getting ready with just enough time to catch the 7:40 train into town.
He pushed past the same people on his way into the carriage. After five days of standing next to the same exact people every morning, he had began to recognize them. Not that they mattered, at least he didn't think they did.
If he didn’t managed to break the loop today, he should spend one evening binge watching those classic time loop movies. Maybe they held the key to getting out of his shitty situation.
Something had to work. He couldn’t be stuck like this forever.
When he got to work, he sighed and didn’t even try to tie his knot for himself. He just looped the apron over his head and went to stand in front of Minho like a child that needed their shoes tied for them.
“Lucky you, you get to work with me today, baby boy,” Minho carried the same cattish, sly tone as always.
“yep, my day is made now that I get to see my favorite hyung!” His voice was laced with sarcasm, and he felt Minho’s hands still, and then wrench the ties of his apron impossibly tight, squeezing his waist like a vice. He yelled and tried to skimper out of Minho’s grip, but Minho had already worked on tying the knots.
“Are you trying to butter me up? Flattery doesn’t work on me, baby boy. You still have to clean out the dairy fridge tomorrow,” he spun Jeongin around to face him, and his evil glare turned cartoonishly sweet, “now smile! We have lots of customers today!”
Jeongin had nearly forgotten that there even was a tomorrow. He wanted so badly to make it past Tuesday, that cleaning out the dairy fridge felt like a welcome reprieve. Minho disappeared to the front of the house, and Jeongin followed after him.
Hyunjin’s texts didn’t change. He texted him about the scorpion pose, about his client canceling, and the weird message about getting Jeongin’s pregnant.
He texted back like he normally would. He should have done something, but he just couldn’t wrap his mind around everything that was happening. The only two ideas he had failed, and it was hard to think when he still had to go through his day as usual.
He took the train home, taking a few extra minutes on the short walk form the station to his apartment to revel in the warm sunshine on his skin. It did little to clear his head, but it was nice. He wouldn’t have imagined it would rain later that night.
His phone buzzed in his pocket as he walked to his mailbox. It was the same stuff, paper bills that he needed to switch to electronic sending only, and the familiar blue envelope.
The letter from his parents.
That was it!
It had to be the letter from his parents, that was the only unordinary thing about his day, and each day he always chose to toss it on the table unopened. Maybe it was the universe telling him he needed to open the damn letter and stop ignoring his ignorant, overbearing parents.
He fished his letter opener out of his junk drawer and sat down at the table.
Yang Jeongin
Was written on the front, in sloppy cursive with a ball point pen that would need more ink soon. Their return address was stamped on, still his home address where he had grown up.
He didn’t miss Busan. Not in the slightest. There were certain things about Busan that he missed, like how quiet it was at night, and how at certain points on his walk home from school, it felt like he could see the whole city. But he would never move back.
He certainly didn’t miss being within distance of his parents.
He should have been more shocked to find that they knew his address, but they were always nosy and overbearing. No matter how hard he would try to keep it from him, it was inevitable that they would have sniffed it out. He sent up a silent prayer, thankful that they hadn’t physically shown up to his apartment and instead chose to send a letter.
It had been years since he heard their voices. By choice. He went no contact when he moved out, able to live off his savings until he managed to find a cheap apartment and a job. His life sucked really badly for a few months, but it was nowhere near as horrible as it was living with them.
His hands trembled as he ripped open the paper, dull letter opener doing little to actually speed the process up.
There was no telling what was scrawled inside.
He pulled out the paper. It was typed and printed, not even hand written.
Jeongin.
We hope you’re doing well. We have been wondering for a while, since we haven’t heard anything. We tried texting and calling, but your number has been out of service. Whatever you told your dumb little friends, it’s worked because they haven’t given up your contact info. It was a miracle we were able to find your address.
If you’re going to be petty, we will also be petty. We’re moving soon, and don’t bother asking where. We’re sure you can take care of yourself and won’t be needing us anymore. We should have expected that as soon as you could drive, you’d up and leave, like you could support yourself. We’re sure you’ve learned your lesson.
Best,
Your Mother & Father
Jeongin barely made it to the end of the letter before he stood up, and tossed it into the trash. He wasn’t a violent person, he didn’t ball it up or tear it to shreds. He just placed it into his recycling bin with all the other junk mail and moved to the living room. He wanted to go to his bed and hide under his fluffy covers, but his feet only took him as far as the couch.
Time and distance hadn’t healed his broken heart.
It shouldn’t have been a surprise, and it really wasn’t. But it still hurt. It reopened the wounds he bandaged up, dredging up all his old feelings he had stuffed deep inside. It really pissed him off that they could still control him like this.
They knew what they were doing too.
He didn’t want to go to the bar anymore. He barely had the strength to get off the couch.
Hyunjin’s silly texts didn’t make him feel better like they usually would have. He was just tired. He turned his phone off completely, and hoped it wouldn’t lead to Hyunjin banging on his door in the middle of the night.
The couch felt like it was swallowing him whole. It was so warm in his house, the faintest bit of sunshine streaming in from the window where the curtain was pulled back, bathing the room in a soft golden glow.
He really hated his parents.
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
Jeongin blinked his eyes open, a strong wave of confusion washing over him. He was in his bed, not on the couch. He couldn’t remember migrating to his bed or turning his phone back on, and he certainly couldn’t remember falling asleep.
He held his hand out, nearly knocking his phone of the nightstand before his fingers wrapped around it and he was able to click his alarm off. The bright screen was blinding in the early morning.
Tuesday, June 24th.
Jeongin let out a soft oh as it all clicked. He had fallen asleep on the couch, and the day reset. He hadn’t gone to the bar, he hadn’t seen Hyunjin, there was no bumbling and stumbling involved, yet the day still reset.
Fuck his fucking life.
The text made him want to throw his phone at the wall.
With a loud groan, and a muffled scream into his pillow, he pulled himself out of bed and walked to his closet. Physically, he felt like he had slept the whole night after a non-strenuous day, but mentally, he felt like leaving his bed was the equivalent of running a marathon.
No one ever talked about how exhausting these time loops were.
He pulled on simple clothes, the same outfit he had put on every morning for the last week, put a slice of bread in the toaster, ran a wet hand through his hair, and left just in time to make the 7:40 train to work.
He fell into the same spot that he did everyday, grabbing onto the closest overhead rail to him. There was the woman with the crocheted bag that looked like its contents were going to fall out the bottom. The man that pushed in behind him already had pit stains visible through his grey suit—very unfortunate. There was someone in the next carriage over with a baby that screamed for nearly the whole 10 minute ride.
Yet again, Hyunjin was quite close to getting that deadly looking scorpion pose down. Maybe if he has to relive the days again, he should push for Hyunjin to send him a picture. Maybe he’ll get lucky and send him a picture of him splayed out in leggings, balancing on his hands propped against the wall. Even if they didn’t showcase much, he would certainly be covered in sweat, which was the whole point.
But Jeongin obviously had horrible luck. What kind of lucky person gets stuck in a time loop?
There was a line at the counter when he walked into the coffee shop. He stood there with the apron over his head until Minho took the ties from him.
“Lucky you, you get to work with me today, baby boy,” Jeongin could basically recite the words, sighing as he yanks the apron tight around his waist, “tell me your day is so much better now that you get to see your favorite Hyung.”
“If I were actually lucky, I wouldn't be here today, Hyung.” His voice oozed with defeat. Minho’s hands stilled on his back, and then slowly resumed tying the knot that he would have to get help untying.
“I— well… sure, I’d drink to that.” Minho gave him a soft pat on the shoulder, pressing his lips thin in sympathy before he disappeared to the front of the house. Jeongin followed suit.
It was the same thing as before. This time, he was even able to make a drink or two ahead of time. It didn’t really do much for him because it was a busy day, so as soon as he finished one drink he started another, but it made him feel like he was taking advantage of his shitty situation. As always, he had to appreciate the little things.
He didn’t go to the bar, he didn’t see Hyunjin, and he read the letter from his parents, yet nothing changed. His conversations with Jisung, Felix, Minho, and Hyunjin had all changed at some point or another, yet time was still restarting.
It didn’t make sense.
Maybe he just needed to try things. Test his limits of what he could and couldn’t do. If anything, he could make the most of his shitty Tuesdays.
After he burnt his hand on the milk steamer, which was worse than smacking his head on the bar floor every night, he took his long break. The texts Hyunjin sent him were the same as before:
Jeongin stared at his phone, ready to type out the same response as before, and then he got an idea. His next test.
Jeongin’s hands were trembling as he stuffed his phone in his pocket and patted away the blush on his cheeks. Hyunjin was truly shameless. Dramatic, flirty, overly affectionate, and completely and utterly shameless. Every day, it was harder and harder to keep his feelings under control. No wonder he had failed… six times now?
Surely, if Hyunjin knew how Jeongin felt, he would be more careful about how affectionate he was, but Jeongin could never confess. He would just have to endure the torture until his feelings faded. And surely, they would. Eventually.
Jeongin was a smart guy, but he wasn’t brilliant by any means. If someone were to ask him what going to the bar without Jisung and Felix would do to fix the time loop, he wouldn’t have an answer. It just felt like something he should try.
Maybe the whole point of the loop was for them to go to the bar together, for Hyunjin to get the girls number, and for them to leave without Jeongin clumsily smacking his head off the floor. Or many Hyunjin had something to tell him that he hadn’t gotten to share because they were always with company, or Jeongin reset the time loop before he could get to it. Anyways, it was worth a shot.
The rest of his work day was uneventful. He managed to correct his pronunciation of that poor girl’s name so he wasn’t calling her Sarah. He made himself a sweet latte instead of his usual iced americano, and he unpacked the mail order into the store room.
He took the train home, got the mail, tossed it in the kitchen table, and crawled into his bed. He was still a little upset about his parents, but knowing that he had much bigger fish to fry, like being stuck in a time loop, actually made him feel better about the whole situation. It was a problem for Wednesday Jeongin to deal with.
He had a few hours until he planned to meet Hyunjin, so he played silent hill, cooked himself dinner, and pulled out that same stylish outfit, leaving just in time to make the 7:40 train.
Hyunjin was standing outside of Overhang with a cigarette perched between his lips, phone screen illuminating his face. Just seeing him, half leaned against the bricks, loose crop top dancing along the exposed skin of his abdomen, it was sightly enough to take his breath away. He seemed to look even prettier than the nights before, but he couldn’t place exactly why that was.
Hyunjin’s face lit up when he spotted Jeongin, eyes disappearing into his scrunched smile. It made his heart flutter. He dropped his cigarette and stamped it under his boot, just in time to throw his arms around Jeongin’s shoulders as he arrived. Despite the cigarette smoke, he could smell Hyunjin’s musky perfume: it was like a shot straight to the head.
“Jeonginnie!”
Hyunjin pulled him in for a hug, a bigger and tighter one than he was expecting, Hyunjin’s arms circling around his waist and squeezing him tight. He hooked his chin over Jeongin’s shoulder, locking them together. He was suddenly nervous that Hyunjin might be able to feel how quickly his heart had been beating.
“Were you waiting long?”
“So long. I got here an hour ago.”
Jeongin stared at him, mouth slightly parted in surprise. He checked his phone again. The message clearly said Over Hang at 8, he hadn’t gotten the time wrong, so why had he been waiting an hour?
“S-seriously?”
“No. I’m lying. I got here a few minutes ago, I just like it when your eyes go wide like that.” He stuck a finger out and poked at Jeongin’s cheek, right where his dimple would be if he had been smiling.
Jeongin blinked at him a few times, before Hyunjin was unable to hold his straight face and he broke out his high pitched, nasally laugh that was contagious enough that Jeongin couldn’t truly be upset with him.
The bar was the same. The pretty tall girl with short cropped hair was standing in the back with her friends.
They stopped at the bar to start with shots, and got a liquor pitcher to share. Jeongin really tried to pace himself, but Hyunjin was in some sort of mood tonight and kept buying him shots and feeding him soju like it was his personal mission to get Jeongin wasted.
The more he drank, the more enticing Hyunjin’s lips looked. So plush and pink, and everytime he took a sip, he darted his tongue out to lick along the bottom one.
Fuck, what was it about Tuesday the 24th that completely broke all of his long held self control and composure?
At some point, he dragged Jeongin out to the alley at the side of the building, claiming he needed to smoke. The alley was quiet besides the soft breeze and the muffled bass coming from inside the bar.
Hyunjin’s hips swayed as he walked, but it was probably just from the copious amounts of alcohol they had both consumed. Hyunjin fell agaisnt the cool bricks and Jeongin followed suit. He hadn’t realized how warm he had gotten until he took a breath of cool outside air.
Hyunjin fished his cigarettes out of his pocket and lit one up, bringing the orange filter to his lips. Jeongin knew he was staring but he couldn’t stop. His lips pursed so pretty around the small end of the stick, and all he wanted to do was lean forward and—
“Innie, you haven’t blinked in like five minutes.” Hyunjin giggled, puffing a bit of smoke into his face, “what, do you want one?”
“No, no I think I’m good.” Jeongin replied. He was never into cigarettes like Hyunjin and Felix were. They made him sick.
“Then why are you staring? We can share if you want.” Hyunjin grinned cattishly, cocking his head to the side like a dog.
Shit. If he didn’t want a cigarette than he really had no excuse. His brain was too mottled to come up with a good lie.
“Okay, uh, maybe…” Jeongin fliddled with the end of his t shirt, hoping Hyunjin would just give him a quick drag and leave him be. Nothing every seemed to go right for him.
Hyunjin’s eyes narrowed and he twisted to face Jeongin. Jeongin could see it now. The brown eyeliner on his waterline, the extra highlight on his cheeks, and his crop top had been swapped for one that was even more flattering. He really had dressed up a bit more just to hang out with Jeongin.
He couldn’t read into that though. If he did, he would fool himself into holding even more false hope than he already did.
“Yeni, have you ever shotgunned before?”
Jeongin blinked lazily, eyebrows knitting, “shotgunning? Like drinking?”
Hyunjin laughed again, “no, like smoking. Here, open your mouth.”
He didn’t give Jeongin any time to process the request, he took his free hand and wrapped it around the back of Jeongin’s neck, cradling his head in his long narrow fingers. Jeongin watched him take a long drag of his cigarette and he opened his mouth obediently. There was no time for anticipation to build. Hyunjin gripped his chin with his free fingers and brought their mouths together, lips nearly touching as he blew the smoke directly into Jeongin’s waiting mouth.
“Breathe in, baby,” Hyunjin uttered into his mouth, and he complied. He had to fight the urge to cough, but he was thankful for the distraction the smoke provided, taking his mind briefly from how close Hyunjin’s lips were, or the fact that he just called him baby in a pretty, sultry voice that made his hair stand on end.
Jeongin was so fucked.
He didn’t mean to let out a whimper, but he did, and from the bottom of his vision, he could see Hyunjin grinning like the Cheshire Cat.
Hyunjin closed the distance, capturing Jeongin’s lips in a slow, languid, acrid tasting kiss. It took what little breath he still had away, head rushing. It only lasted a few seconds before Hyunjin pulled away, eyes wide.
“Sh-shit, fuck. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean too—“ Hyunjin rambled, eyes going wide. The cigarette fell from his hand, a few sparks floating through the dark night. His eyes darted back and forth across Jeongin’s face before he completely pushed away, putting distance between them.
The problem was that Jeongin was way too drunk to keep his balance with Hyunjin pushing him.
The fall felt like it was in slow motion, the world spinning briefly before he was looking at the edges of the roofing. The nice cool brick was only momentary relief. Maybe if he knew how badly they would hurt when he hit his head, he wouldn’t have been so happy to lean against them.
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
Jeongin stretched his hand out and smacked his phone, quickly finding the buttons and silencing his alarm.
Another failed attempt. That one was arguably one of the worst. Not only did he know how amazing it felt to have Hyunjin call him baby, but he also knew that Hyunjin definitely didn’t want to kiss him, even when they were both plastered drunk. This had to be divine punishment.
His squinted his eyes at the overly bright Tuesday, June 24th that was mocking him. How many had it been? Eight? He was already beginning to lose count.
He pulled himself out of bed, putting on some music. He wanted to pat himself on the back for having the motivation for something so simple, because doing it all over again, knowing the day would be functionally the same, made him want to stay in bed all day.
He put on some clothes, toasted a slice of bread, fixed his hair and brushed his teeth, leaving with just enough time to catch the 7:40 train into town,
He had gone full circle, starting from not acknowledging the people around him, to noticing them and recognizing them, and back to ignoring them again. There was no point in it, at least not until he decided to try and do something on the train.
He doubted the time loop had anything to do with the train, but maybe it was symbolic like that. Wouldn’t a train symbolizing moving forward? Like moving forward with his life and making it to Wednesday instead of living the same Tuesday over and over and over again.
Next time.
This time, he had a different plan.
There was a line at the counter when he walked into the coffee shop. He slung the apron over his head and waited until he felt the familiar small hands grab the toes and begin lacing them behind his back.
“Lucky you, you get to work with me today, baby boy,” Jeongin could basically recite the words, sighing as he yanks the apron tight around his waist, “tell me your day is so much better now—“
“that I get to see my favorite Hyung. Yeah, yeah. Minho, can I talk to you about something?”
Minho’s hands paused where they sat, barely brushing against the small of his back. Jeongin didn’t wait for him to answer, Minho wasn’t the type anyways. Despite having his back turned, he could practically hear the gears turning in his head, the questions sitting on his lips, waiting to spill over.
“This sounds crazy, but I’m in a time loop. I knew what you were going to say. This is the eighth time I’ve heard you say it. The eighth Tuesday the 24th I’ve lived through,” his words were a bit jumbled, speech obviously laced with nerves, and for whatever reason, admitting it didn’t make him feel better. He sucked in a breath.
Minho’s hands were still for a moment, until Jeongin’s bated breath grew uncomfortable in his chest. Then his hands moved up to grip his shoulders, and he spun him around so quickly that he thought he might lose his balance. It wouldn’t have been the first time.
“Jeongin, are you on drugs?”
“W-what? No, why would I be on drugs?”
Minho stared at him, looking completely dumb struck, and he watched Minho’s hand twitch, raising briefly as his brows furrowed before it fell back to his shoulder.
“Jeongin, you cannot do drugs and come to work. This place sucks enough as it is, if I have to babysit you through a bad trip on top of—“
“Hyung, I swear I’m not on drugs! Okay, so at 11, I burn my hand on the milk steamer. It’s happened every day before, and it will happen again today.”
Minho blinked at him through another beat of silence.
“What is that even supposed to prove?”
It took far too long for Jeongin to realize that burning his hand on the milk steamer was something he could choose to do, and did absolutely nothing to help his “I’m not on drugs you have to trust me!” case.
While Jeongin was flipping through his memories, trying to find a good example that would prove his case, Minho had pulled his phone from his pocket.
Jeongin flinched when his hand came up, pushing his eyelids open just in time for Minho’s to shine his flashlight into his eyes.
“Ah! Shit, okay, okay. Fine. I’m not on drugs, stop that!” Jeongin swatted at his phone, ignoring the dramatic frown that appeared on his face, “Um, okay. The first customer I serve today is a guy named Taehyun and they’re going to ask for an iced americano with room for cream, but with hot shots instead of the mix.”
Minho stared at him, blinking slowly.
“If you pass out in front of the customers, I am not taking your ass to the hospital.”
Jeongin rolled his eyes, and followed Minho out to the front of the house. Every day, the first person he served at the register was a customer who said they’re name was Taehyun. It was the first customer, and the first order during his time loop shift that he managed to remember. It was the first customer so it didn’t help him out much.
But when he walked out, standing at the register was an entirely different customer.
He stood there in quiet silence, staring, until he felt Minho nudge his back.
The customer ordered under the name “Ari,” and ordered an iced americano with caramel syrup.
He could feel Minho’s eyes boring into the back of his head as he filled the cup with ice. For whatever reason,
“Innie…”
“Okay, okay, that didn’t happen. It must be a change, since I did something different by interacting with you! But, I can prove it, I swear,” Jeongin put his hands up, as if it wouldn’t make him look even more crazy than he already did, “in an hour, we get a mobile order from Kim Hannah. I know because at least three times I’ve gotten her name wrong.”
Minho gave him an incredulous look, and then sighed and went back to making coffee. They worked in silence, and Jeongin quietly counted down the minutes in his head. This was a new experience for him— usually when he did things differently, the only things that changed were direct results of his actions, like when Hyunjin showed up to his apartment after he ignored him all day. This was just a background detail, so it didn’t make sense that his first customer of the day changed.
An hour came and passed, and he even gave it and extra ten minutes, but there was no mobile order from Kim Hannah. Not even close.
“Jeongin-ah.” Minho’s voice was more concerned than anything.
“Wait! I don’t know why that didn’t happen either, but I swear. I’m not lying, hyung.”
Minho’s smile turned pitiful.
The universe was mocking him, because just then, Jeongin burned his hand on the milk steamer, just as he said he would. Minho grabbed his collar and jerked him back, letting the metal tin fall to the floor. He grabbed a wet rag and wrapped it around Jeongin’s hand before pushing them both into the back room.
“Innie, I don’t care if you’re doing drugs, you always have my number if you need help or a friend, but for the love of God, please just skip work next time. I don’t have narcan here or the patience for this. Go home.”
“But—“
“The lunch rush is over, go home Jeonginnie and sleep off whatever you’re on.”
Jeongin wanted to protest more, but the look Minho gave him told him that if he did, he would personally escort Jeongin home himself and he wouldn’t like that.
Defeated, he left and took the train home. He had an extra hour to play Silent Hill before he went to the bar with Hyunjin like he did in the original loop.
The time loop changing made no sense to him. Maybe this was supposed to mean that telling people he was in a time loop wasn’t going to help him get out of it? All that he had achieved was getting off work an hour early and Minho believing that he was doing hard drugs.
Life sucked so bad.
When he went to the bar, it was the same as before. Hyunjin and Felix were outside smoking, he got to be a flustered mess in Hyunjin’s arm for a few minutes before they all went inside. He was able to restrain himself while that random girl got Hyunjin’s number, and when Hyunjin asked him to dance, he declined.
Instead, Hyunjin dragged him over to one of the pool tables that had just opened up.
Just as he thought he might survive the night, he bent over the table to shoot the ball, and Hyunjin made a comment about his ass.
It took him by surprise and he managed to choke on his spit again. When Hyunjin slapped him on the back, he lost his balance and smacked his head off the edge of the pool table.
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
Jeongin woke up with a gasp, sitting straight up in bed. His chest was covered with a thin sheen of sweat. It still felt like his cheeks and neck were flushed from Hyunjin’s comment.
His neighbors could probably hear the groan he let out.
The message was nothing but mockery. Something he normally found so much joy in, the highlight of his day, did nothing but irk him. This time, he didn’t stop himself from flinging his phone across the room. He jumped when it hit the wall, knocking his picture frame down, the audible sound of the glass cracking making him flinch.
It’s not like it mattered. The day would reset and it would be back up on the wall like nothing happened.
He fell back onto the bed, head hitting the pillow with more force than it should have. The room was quiet with his alarm off and phone on the other side of the room, buzzing in his overflowing pile of laundry.
If nothing mattered, and the day still reset, then he wasn’t going to work. Wednesday Jeongin could deal with those consequences, if he ever got to Wednesday. He rolled over and pulled the blanket over his head, letting himself fall back asleep for a few hours.
When he woke up, he had kicked his blanket off and knocked the curtain open. Bright sunlight covered the room, and he squinted as he felt around for his phone, only to remember he had thrown it across the room.
Eventually, he rolled himself out of bed and grabbed his phone, kicking the broken glass to the edge of the wall so he didn’t step on it later.
With his day off, he decided that he would watch those time loop movies that he always brushed off. Surely they would give him the answers to what he was looking for, having Hyunjin there would just be a bonus, and he knew that he wouldn’t say no to hanging out. He always seemed to want to be with someone or around someone all the time. That’s why he always asked Jeongin to hang out with him all the time.
Even though he wanted to be hopeful, he knew watching the movies wouldn’t solve all his problems. At least, they would give him some direction or even help him understand why he was in the time loop in the first place. He was running through this completely blind, and even though time was… infinite? He felt like he was wasting his time.
Jeongin took a shower and made himself a real breakfast, sitting down at the table to eat instead of taking his toast out the door with him. Hyunjin knocked on the door an hour later with an armful of snacks—chips, pastries, juice, whatever he could get his hands on at the corner store.
He dropped them on Jeongin’s coffee table and made himself at home, pulling blankets from the basket in his closet and finding the remote on his own before Jeongin could even get them glasses from the cupboard.
“Wait, Hyung, I want to watch something specific,” he pulled the remote out of Hyunjin’s hand, plopping down next to him on the couch. Hyunjin didn’t protest, only reaching over to cover his legs so they were sharing the pile of blankets he had dragged out.
“Okay, what are we watching?”
“Groundhog Day.”
Hyunjin raised his eyebrow, “Like, the Groundhog Day? The one from the nineties? Why do you want to watch that?”
“It’s a classic.”
“Since when do you watch classics? Name one other classic movie you’ve watched.”
Jeongin stared at him for a moment, blinking.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
“Whatever. I’m just interested in time loops right now. Something I saw online. Let’s just watch it.”
Hyunjin snickered at how flustered he had made Jeongin with his badgering, and settled in.
They watched Groundhog Day, and then they decided to turn on Triangle, another time loop movie. And somehow, after that one, Hyunjin even agreed to watch Happy Death Day to top off their little marathon.
About halfway through the third movie, it began raining outside.
“You can crash on the couch tonight, Hyun.”
“Exiling me to the couch?” Hyunjin feigned offense, pretending to clutch his pearls.
“Hyung, it’s way too hot to share a bed tonight,” it was the truth, which meant Hyunjin would take off his shirt, and Jeongin definitely couldn’t handle Hyunjin shirtless in his bed. Even if the day reset at midnight or whenever, he would end up with a nosebleed and ruin his white sheets.
“We can just sleep naked.”
Hyunjin knew that Jeongin could choke on air at the comment, because he was already halfway through his impish, nasally laugh when Jeongin beat on his chest, his choking quickly dulling into a cough.
“Awww, you’re always so shy, Jeongin. Can’t sleep naked next to me? Don’t worry, I’ll keep my hands to myself.”
“Hyung!” He managed to gasp out, reaching forward to clamp his hand over his mouth, “ugh, stop talking!”
Hyunjin squinted at him, and then he parted his lips and licked his hand. Jeongin gasped and whipped his hand back, but Hyunjin grabbed his wrist before he could shy away from him, and pulled him down onto his chest.
It was way too quick. The mood in the room went from tired to silly to heated in just a few moments, and Jeongin's little pea brain couldn’t handle it. He was smashed against Hyunjin’s chest, staring up at him and they were so close. So close that Hyunjin’s face was a little blurry and Jeongin couldn’t stop staring at his lips.
His beautiful plush lips. And the little mole that nearly blended in with the pink. The moment was just too perfect, it was like something was controlling him, moving him forward before his brain could catch up with him.
Their lips met for a second time. It was only momentarily, not even long enough for him to respond. Hyunjin’s hands that had been fisted in his shirt from dragging him across the couch, dropped to his sides.
His face was fire engine red before he even pulled his face back. It felt like he was melting from the inside out.
He shouldn’t have done it. He couldn’t do it. He didn’t want to see Hyunjin’s reaction, or hear his disappointment. This had happened again and he still felt just as bad as he did the last time.
“I-uh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to—“
“You… didn’t mean that? Then why did you do that?” Hyunjin stared at him, brows slowly furrowing, and Jeongin couldn’t take it. He pushed to his feet and made to leave, but his legs were tangled in the mess of blankets that Hyunjin had trapped him with. He couldn’t step more than a few inches before one leg caught, and then the other, and then he was headed face first into the edge of the coffee table.
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
Jeongin woke up with a gasp, sitting straight up in his bed, blankets pooling in his lap. There was a sheen of sweat over his bare chest and the ghost of a fading ache in his forehead. At least this time, he didn’t expect to have ended the loop by staying home and watching movies.
The reason all the characters in the movies were stuck in the time loop was because there was some event, something they had to fix or some moral realization they had to make. Jeongin’s situation was unique. He was a good person, and nothing significant seemed to happen during his time loop, besides being incredibly clumsy. But he has been clumsy since day one, and that wasn’t anything he felt he needed to fix.
And yet again, he was left with the shocking embarrassment of confessing to Hyunjin and fucking it up. Somehow, most of his paths lead to it. Maybe it was the time loop's way of making sure he acted like a fool and passed out before midnight.
Wait!
That was it!
He hadn’t tried staying up until midnight. In all of those movies, tricks like that never seemed to work but this wasn't a movie, it was real life. He should just try everything.
He got out of bed, put on some music, dressed in some simple clothes and put a slice of bread in the toaster. He ran a wet hand through his hair, put some jam on his toast, and was out the door just in time to make the 7:40 train.
He didn’t have to go to work, since it didn’t affect the time loop, but he would have to face the consequences of it if he managed to make it out of the loop that night. This would work. Wednesday Jeongin was becoming more and more of a reality.
He flew through his day as usual, greeting customers, texting Hyunjin, burning his hand on the milk frother. Before he left, he made himself an extra drink with double shots. He had to be certain that he would stay awake past midnight. Minho didn’t comment on his extra energy and enthusiasm, but he did glare at him more than a few times.
Again, he insisted that he stay home from the bar and promised Hyunjin that he would make it up to him. Another thing for Wednesday Jeongin to worry about.
Jeongin played video games, made dinner, and did a load of laundry. The rain started sometime around 10 pm. About that time, he made another cup of coffee, and set an alarm on his phone to go off at midnight. He was tired, but not exhausted. Staying up for a few more hours would be a piece of cake.
He showered and laid on his bed naked, scrolling on his phone for much longer than he needed to, but again, his goal was to stay awake.
Around 11:30, he took his last sips of coffee and went to the living room. Jeongin didn’t want to risk laying in bed. So he clicked on the television and watched YouTube videos and mindlessly scrolled on his phone.
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
Jeongin woke up with a gasp. His midnight alarm was going off! He scrambled for his phone that was ringing on his nightstand and pressed the button. His lockscreen lit up.
7:00am
Tuesday, June 24th.
Oh.
It was not his midnight alarm. Jeongin wasn’t even on the couch, he was in his bed, shirtless, and energized from a full night’s rest. It was Tuesday again.
The memories of the night came back to him– at some point after he sat down on the couch, it felt like he had been drugged. His eyelids were so heavy, and he could barely keep his head up. The last thing he remembered was looking down to see the time on his phone– 11:58.
So, it was his fault. Somehow, despite his efforts he managed to fall asleep.
Jeongin huffed out a sigh, but it wasn’t like he couldn't just try again.
He got out of bed, put on some music, dressed in some simple clothes and put a slice of bread in the toaster. He ran a wet hand through his hair, put some jam on his toast, and was out the door just in time to make the 7:40 train.
He didn’t have to go to work, since it didn’t affect the time loop, but he would have to face the consequences of it if he managed to make it out of the loop that night. This would work. Wednesday Jeongin was becoming more and more of a reality.
He flew through his day as usual, greeting customers, texting Hyunjin, burning his hand on the milk frother. Before he left, he made himself an extra drink with triple shots this time. He had to be absolutely certain that he would stay awake past midnight. He even snuck an extra drink to go.
Again, he insisted that he stay home from the bar and promised Hyunjin that he would make it up to him. He couldn't take the chance of smacking his head on the bar floor again, and the alcohol would definitely put him to sleep.
He did the same thing as before, playing video games, cooking dinner, catching up on laundry and scrolling on his phone for way too long.
When he had about fifteen minutes until midnight, he set his alarm on his phone and stood up. He stood in the living room so he could still watch the television if he wanted, but there was no way he could fall asleep if he was standing. Jeongin was a good sleeper, but rarely was he tired enough to pass out sitting up, let alone standing. It was the perfect plan.
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
“Wait!” Jeongin woke up gasping, arms out stretched and fists clutching the blankets in his lap.
Somehow, despite standing, with his muscles engaged and brain focused on staying upright, he still managed to pass out. The drugged feeling was too overwhelming, like trying to fight anesthesia.
Two tests were enough; he could conclude that pulling an all-nighter was not the solution to his problem. The best and worst part about the day resetting is that he couldn’t keep any physical evidence of the prior days. He wanted desperately to make a list of the things he had tried to do to break the loop, but he couldn't.
He had no idea how many Tuesday’s he had lived through already, but he had a horrible sinking feeling that he wasn’t going to find the solution anytime soon. The only thing Jeongin could do was try.
This time, he would try calling his mom. He didn’t want to, but it seemed like the most impactful thing he could do to his day.
He got out of bed, put on some music, dressed in some simple clothes and put a slice of bread in the toaster. He ran a wet hand through his hair, put some jam on his toast, and was out the door just in time to make the 7:40 train.
Work was the same, and so were Hyunjin’s messages.
When he got home, he sat at the kitchen table for longer than he should have, staring at her blocked number. Eventually, he got the nerve to unblock it and give her a call.
She didn’t answer. Neither did his dad. And when he tried again an hour later, he was still directed to the automated voicemail response.
So much for that.
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
Jeongin woke up with a gasp, sitting straight up in his bed, blankets pooling in his lap. This time he would try visiting Hyunjin at work. He had never tried doing that before, or deviating that far from his schedule at all.
Hyunjin got so excited about seeing him that he took the rest of the day off. It only took a few hours of hanging out for Jeongin to accidentally confess and smack his head off the sidewalk.
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
Jeongin woke up with a gasp, sitting straight up in his bed, blankets pooling in his lap. This time, he would try quitting his job.
He got ready, went into work, and before he left, he told Minho it was his last day. Minho laughed in his face. He put his foot down, and told him he was serious, but Minho just waved his hand and excused him with a “See you tomorrow, baby boy.”
Nothing changed.
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
Jeongin woke up with a gasp, sitting straight up in his bed, blankets pooling in his lap. This time, he would try confessing to Hyunjin for real, without being forced into it or doing it by accident.
Instead of doing it at the bar, he skipped work and picked up flowers and a bottle of Hyunjin’s favorite (affordable) wine. The entire time, he was vibrating with nerves, stomach twisting almost painfully.
He asked Hyunjin to meet him at one of their favorite spots by the river, but when he stepped out of the car, and Jeongin watched Hyunjin take in the flowers and the wine, he passed out cold. Actually just passed out, no hitting his head, no tripping and falling. Just him and his anxiety.
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
This time, he tried confessing to Jisung instead. Jisung slapped him when he found out he was serious. It was a dumb idea in the first place.
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
This time, he tried leaving work in the middle of his shift.
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
He tried buying a dog.
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
He tried confessing to Hyunjin by buying him a dog.
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
He tried going on a road trip.
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
He tried taking a flight out of the country.
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
He tried subletting his apartment.
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
He tried breaking his friendship with Hyunjin.
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
He tried everything.
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
Jeongin woke up with a gasp, sitting straight up in his bed, blankets pooling in his lap. This time, he would try going to the bar and leaving before the girl asked for Hyunjin’s number.
He got out of bed, put on some music, dressed in some simple clothes and put a slice of bread in the toaster. He ran a wet hand through his hair, put some jam on his toast, and was out the door just in time to make the 7:40 train.
Work was the same, and so were Hyunjin’s messages.
Everything was always the same.
He played video games, made dinner, and put on the same tight white t-shirt and baggy jeans as before.
“Innie?”
Felix’s voice came first, and Jeongin pushed up from the table without warning.
“Sorry, I suddenly feel really sick, I’m going to go home early.”
“Oh, we can walk you home if you’re not feeling well.”
“No, it's okay.”
“Yeah right, and have you passing out in the alley or something? Come on, Yeni, let’s go.” Hyunjin got out of the booth, grabbing Jeongin by the elbow and pulling him towards the door. Unexpectedly, he managed to stay on his feet as they walked out into the summer night. He was surprised to have made it out of the bar without hitting his head on the floor, “You’re not really sick are you.”
The question was more of a statement than anything, but it still took him off guard. Hyunjin had stopped walking, and gripped his shoulders, turning him to face the other. This hadn’t happened before.
“Whats going on?”
Jeongin fumbled with his words.
“What do you mean what’s going on?”
Hyunjin scoffed, “Why are you playing dumb? Just tell me what's going on, you’ve been acting weird all night: you’re wearing the same outfit you did yesterday– which you never do– and you didn’t even flinch when Felix kissed your neck even though you’re so skittish about touching.”
“I told you, it’s—“ something about the sentence made him pause, “Hyung, what do you mean the same outfit as yesterday? We didn’t even see each other yesterday.”
It had to have been months, but he could at least somewhat remember that Hyunjin wasn’t in the time loop with him, and the last unique day he had, he went to work, went to the grocery store, and played video games with Jisung until it got late. He hadn’t seen Hyunjin at all.
“What? Yes—I… oh. Sorry, I've been having really weird dreams lately. It must have been my imagination, still, you’re acting odd.”
Weird dreams.
Just like the dreams Jeongin thought he was having when the time loop began.
It could have been a coincidence, and he really hoped that was the case, but he had to be cautious. He didn’t want to jump to conclusions.
“I’m sorry, I’m just going through some stuff right now.”
“Some stuff you can’t tell me?”
Hyunjin’s expression looked truly hurt. He had heard those words, multiple times, over so many runs, yet it still made his heart lurch painfully in his chest.
He couldn’t do another failed confession.
“It’s my parents. They sent me a letter,” it wasn’t exactly a lie. It wasn’t even close to what was upsetting him, but it was something real, “and I don't want to talk about it, hyung.”
Hyunjin reached out, but after so many times, Jeongin pulled back before Hyunjin’s fingers could wrap around his wrist.
“Please,”
“At least let me walk you home.”
Jeongin didn’t say anything. It wasn’t like he was truly upset about anything, he was just exhausted. He turned to walk towards the train and Hyunjin fell in step beside him.
Hyunjin was having weird dreams too.
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
Jeongin woke up and rolled over. He didn’t feel like going to work that day, so he didn’t rush to jump out of bed.
He laid in bed for a while, and then decided to go out for breakfast. For a while, he tried to keep track of the days, the things he tried to change, and even what he ate for breakfast, but there was no point. It all felt so lost to time. He hoped that one day he would just happen to wake up and it be Wednesday, but even then, what would be the point? He would wake up, have breakfast, catch the train, work his shitty job, and pine over Hyunjin every day for the rest of his sad life. It didn’t matter whether it was Tuesday or Wednesday.
He walked to his favorite cafe. The walk was over half an hour but he had the time to waste, and the summer weather was cool enough in the morning that he wouldn’t sweat before he could sit down for breakfast. He ordered a double order of French toast with coffee, and enough bacon for him to take some to go.
Hyunjin had texted him again
Jeongin stared at the messages on his screen. They were different.
He had lived through so many Tuesdays, but never had things changed on their own, without his coaxing. He answered the same way he usually did, going along with whatever came naturally— he had discovered that if he did things mindlessly, he followed the same path of decision making as his first run, at least what he remembered of it. Like the first Tuesday was his default.
He hadn’t done anything, so why did Hyunjin’s messages change?
Hyunjin didn’t message back. Jeongin walked home, took a nap, called Jisung, ate lunch, and still, Hyunjin was MIA. By then, he was supposed to have texted Jeongin about his client canceling and about his receptionist at work.
Something about this Tuesday was different, and for whatever reason, it gave him a sinking, dreadful feeling in his stomach.
He texted Hyunjin once more, a simple request to hang out— something he knew Hyunjin would never refuse.
Even after he made dinner and laid down, there was no response. Mulled over his thoughts, parsing through all the changes that had happened over the past few weeks, whatever details he could possibly remember.
Finally it hit him.
You’re wearing the same clothes as yesterday
I’m having strange dreams
I feel like you’ve told me that before
Jeongin wasn’t the only one stuck.
Hyunjin was stuck too. He was also reliving the same Tuesday over and over. He had no idea how long, or if he had even realized it yet, and it was probably Jeongin’s fault.
He couldn’t confess anymore either, because Hyunjin would remember. They were reliving the same Tuesday, so whatever Jeongin changed, Hyunjin would realize it and remember it.
No more hitting his head on the bar floor. No more Hyunjin at all. He couldn’t risk it. He had lived through too many Tuesday’s where he had tried to have a normal time with Hyunjin only to embarrassingly word vomit his feelings and then smack his head off some surface.
Hyunjin was stuck too.
Jeongin wasn’t alone in the loop.
Somehow, unmiraculously, a testament to his horrible luck, things got worse.
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
Jeongin woke up and rolled over, smacking his hand down on his phone and finding the buttons to turn off his alarm.
Tuesday, June 24th
The date was listed right on his lock screen, mocking him. He could never turn it off or move it because at the end of the day, when the time loop reset, any settings on his phone he changed would reset too.
There was no good morning text from Hyunjin. The empty notifications only solidified his thoughts. Hyunjin was in the time loop too.
He put on some music, threw some simple clothes on, put some toast in the toaster and ran a wet hand through his hair. He wasn’t planning on going to work but some days it was easier to just go with his default decision making.
He sat at his kitchen table and scrolled on his phone as he slathered some jam on his toast. After a few minutes, his phone started buzzing with messages from Hyunjin. There were no messages about the time loop, so either he didn’t know what was happening or he didn’t want to disclose to Jeongin that something was wrong. Jeongin didn’t try telling anyone he was in a time loop until at least a week in, if he remembers correctly. Regardless, he couldn’t message him back.
His texts were frantic and sporadic, much more than his usual drama retellings or life updates. He seemed to have gone through with his morning yoga and then decided to cancel on his client before his client could cancel on him. Jeongin was curious as to why he decided to skip work but he couldn’t ask.
If Hyunjin was really stuck in the time loop too, maybe he would have the good sense not to show up in the middle of the night. Not that it mattered anyways, since ignoring Hyunjin didn’t change anything. The less contact he had with Hyunjin, the better.
It was a little after six when Jeongin heard the knocking at his door and the muffled call of his name. The rain hadn’t started yet, so he had that going for him.
He was surprised to see Hyunjin standing at the door with his arms crossed, looking annoyed yet concerned.
“Jeongin, why are you ignoring me?” Hyunjin’s voice was shakier than he expected, and he scratched at his arms in a way he only did when he was really anxious. Jeongin wanted to reach out and pull him close, apologize, but it was too late for that.
Jeongin sighed, “Not like it matters, right?”
“What?”
Hyunjin’s brows were furrowed. Right, Hyunjin didn’t know they were in a time loop yet. He shook his head and scuffed his foot against the ground.
“Nothing, sorry Hyung. I’m just going through some stuff right now.”
Hyunjin scoffed, “Yeah, something you can’t tell me about. Sure. Sure, Innie.” His tone was sour, annoyed enough that it caused Jeongin’s skin to prickle. He felt the urge to apologize and explain himself, but before he could, Hyunjin was stomping away, down the creaking wooden steps of his apartment building.
There was a sick, twisted feeling in his gut, but it was better that way. No matter what, he couldn’t confess to Hyunjin. He would get over it, and eventually Jeongin would find a way to break the loop and they could be friends again. Even if it hurt, he was doing the right thing.
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
Jeongin woke up, smacking his hand over his phone. He sat up and the blankets pooled in his lap, his free hand idly scratching at his bare chest as he stretched his arms overhead and yawned.
Jeongin had mulled over it while he was in bed, and decided that he would try knocking on his neighbors door and seeing if he could spend some time with them. He had never met his neighbors, but he knew that the tenant to his left was an older lady with a small dog, and to his right were three college students that sometimes played music loudly late at night.
He had tried all the obvious fixes multiple times over; messing with his job, messing with his home, messing with his relationship. At this point, he was pulling at straws so he never had any expectations. Eventually, something had to work, no matter how stupid it seemed.
Jeongin had lost track of the days.
As silly as the idea seemed, he needed to stop thinking about Hyunjin. It was a lost cause. Maybe completely cutting Hyunjin off was the key. Jeongin desperately hoped not, but maybe the whole point of the time loop was to get him to finally shake his pathetic feelings for his best friend once and for all. It would be better for both of them in the end.
Jeongin sat his phone down. An overwhelming wave of sadness washed over him.
Hyunjin was his best friend, his good morning, his goodnight, the person who kept him sane during his shifts, the person who made him smile even on his shittiest days, who brought out his stupidest sounding laugh.
The man he couldn’t help imanging a future with. One where he finally confesses properly, and Hyunjin accepts. Where they move in together and he tries not to wake him as he crawls out of bed for his early shifts, knowing Hyunjin doesn’t have any appointments until noon. Where they get a bigger house so Hyunjin can have an art studio and Jeongin can have a music room. A future where they take both of their parents to a pretty beach somewhere and share vows. A future where Hyunjin is still telling Jeongin his dramatic stories when they’re old and gray.
It was never meant to be that way. Jeongin was a fool to lose himself in his desires. If Hyunjin liked him, Jeongin would know and they would be together already. He would be a nervous anxious mess around Jeongin just the same, instead of hanging off of him and touching him like it meant nothing. If Hyunjin felt the same way Jeongin did, Hyunjin would sweat bullets every time they were in the same room.
Tears pricked in his eyes, and he didn’t fight them away. He gripped the sheets up to his chest and let the tears slip down his cheeks. Warmth bloomed over his face as the sadness flooded out of him. His silent cry turned into full body sobs.
It wasn’t fair that he couldn’t have Hyunjin. It wasn’t fair that he had the worlds biggest crush and he had to let it go. It wasn’t fair that the world put him in a stupid time loop to get him to realize it.
And fuck, he was so tired. He would never be able to have another normal June 24th, maybe not even a normal Tuesday ever again, always afraid something might trigger another time loop.
Jeongin curled up, tucking his knees under his chin as sobs echoed through his chest, shaking his ribs and making his head pulse.
He cried for a long time, and in the end, he decided to stay in bed for the day. No harm in one more Tuesday. His extensive cry exhausted him fully, and he floated in an out of consciousness as he twisted around in the sheets, skin clammy from the summer heat.
The rain had started when he heard the knock at his door again. He wanted to ignore it. He knew exactly who it was. But he could clearly hear the desperation in Hyunjin’s voice as he called Jeongin’s name from behind the door.
He sighed as he finally stood up. His head spun and he vision blacked out for a moment, a side effect from spending the day in bed. When he finally found his balance, he pulled on a shirt and grabbed a towel from the closet. Last time Hyunjin showed up in the rain, Jeongin slipped in the water. The time loop reset was much more disorienting when he hit his head rather than falling asleep.
Hyunjin looked like a puppy left in the rain, and Jeongin felt the tears prick in his eyes again as he saw the look of sadness and betrayal flash over his features. This time, he fought them away.
Hyunjin didn’t say anything, he stepped inside and took the towel from Jeongin, running it over his dripping skin and clothes before fluffing up his hair.
Even looking like a drowned rat, seeing Hyunjin made Jeongin’s heart flutter in his chest. He was such a loser.
“Jeongin,” he finally spoke, his eyes narrowing in on him, expression icy cold, “we need to talk.”
He didn’t wait for a response, only making sure he still had Jeongin’s gaze before continuing.
“I’m stuck in a time loop. And I have a feeling you’re going to believe me.”
Jeongin pressed his lips thin before letting out a deep breath.
“Yeah, I know,”
Hyunjin didn’t look shocked. Hyunjin wasn’t stupid, he would haven put it together eventually.
“You are too?”
“I am too.”
They were both quiet for a moment. They listened to the sound of the rain outside, pattering against the little window in his apartment. There was a new tension in the room, and a good reason for it.
“How long?”
“A week. What about you?”
“Dunno. Lost track.”
It was Hyunjin’s turn to sigh.
“This is what you couldn’t tell me about? I— you know what? It’s fine, we can talk about it later,” Hyunjin ran a hand through his damp hair, visibly contemplating his next words.
The concept of later was irritating to Jeongin. There was no later. Only Tuesday. Only the same exact thing over and over and over. Who knew, maybe Hyunjin would show up tomorrow and ask Jeongin the same questions.
“Innie, we need to figure this out. Together.”
“We can’t. I’ve tried everything, Hyung. Nothing works and I’m just…” Jeongin finally walked into the living room and fell down onto the couch. He could hear Hyunjin following behind him, drips of water following his heavy steps, “tired.”
The bags under his eyes felt extra heavy that day. His head hurt. He was done.
“What, so, you’re giving up? Did you think maybe I have my own ideas to try?” He scoffed. Jeongin would normally be scrambling to fix whatever he did to upset Hyunjin, heart racing in his chest, terrified of ruining any potential feelings he might be hiding for him. But he didn’t feel anything but slight annoyance and lingering dread.
“Like what?”
Hyunjin pursed his lips, “What if we’re together when it resets?”
“Why would that change anything?”
“Why would skipping work change anything?”
“Touché”
Finally, a small smile broke through Jeongin’s exhaustion. Hyunjin smiled back twice as bright, and plopped down on the couch next to him, too close as always. Hyunjin’s damp shorts were cold and were seeping into Jeongin’s shorts too, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.
Hyunjin picked up the television remote and put on some background noise before starting his extensive interrogation.
He asked about nearly everything Jeongin had tried, and only then did Jeongin realize he had probably be stuck for months, maybe even a year. He was already starting to forget things he had done, memories only sparked from his questioning.
Hyunjin had only realized a few days ago, and had only ideas, no tested theories. His optimism was actually somewhat infectious, and Jeongin found himself—
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
Jeongin jolted upright in his bed, the ending of a nonsensical sentence at the edge of his lips. He and Hyunjin had fallen asleep mid conversation, chatting all the way up to midnight.
Test number one was a fail: resetting the day together did nothing.
He ran a hand through his hair and turned his alarm off. There were no text messages from Hyunjin, and it was still Tuesday the 24th. He was mid message when he heard a knock at his door.
Hyunjin was standing with two coffees and a weak smile, “Good morning, yeni. Do you wanna try coming to work with me today?”
Jeongin stared at him, only realizing after a few moments of silence that he was shirtless and had morning breath and bed head.
He fought away his embarrassment, inviting Hyunjin in to sit while he got ready for the day.
All that crying, giving Hyunjin up only for the world to laugh in his face again. How was he supposed to cut him off when now they were the only two stuck in the loop and Hyunjin was wholly convinced that working together was the key?
Jeongin was royally fucked.
After fifteen minutes, they set off to pick up Hyunjin’s walk-in.
Jeongin spent the day at the shop, watching Hyunjin tattoo some flowers on a shoulder, claiming to be an apprentice.
They got dinner afterwards and parted ways, and then the day reset.
They tried again, going on a road trip together. They tried this and that, big things, small things, countless changes.
It was the same thing as before. Nothing worked. Jeongin’s patience was much thinner than Hyunjin’s, and he was just going along with whatever Hyunjin could come up with, only putting in effort to keep from horribly embarrassing himself in front of his crush with a confession and a clumsy fall. The looming feelings of depression made it a bit easier to stay chill around him while they spent so much time together.
If anyone, at least it was his best friend. He couldn’t imagine if he had gotten stuck in the time loop with Ann…
KNOCK
KNOCK
KNOCK
Hyunjin let himself into Jeongin’s apartment before his alarm could go off. At first, he thought the loop had reset but his phone still showed a dreadful Tuesday the 24th.
They hadn’t discussed their next steps before the day ended last night. They were both burnt out. He didn’t even get out of bed when he heard the door open and close. He heard Hyunjin pacing in the hallway.
He finally sat up and stepped out of bed. He found Hyunjin was genuinely pacing back and fourth, a worried look on his face. When he looked up to make eye contact with Jeongin, his eyes were wide and he was covered in sweat like he had ran to Jeongin’s apartment. He was radiating nervous energy.
“Hyung, can we take a rest today? We’ve been working so hard, let’s chill out,” he attempted, hoping to calm Hyunjin down a bit. His anxiety was infectious. Jeongin stretched his arms over his head and yawned, which only seemed to irk Hyunjin further.
“How are you so calm? I feel like I’m loosing my damn mind! We’re still fucking stuck here!” Hyunjin was practically yelling, talking so quickly and sternly that Jeongin felt a chill run down his spine. It felt like he was being scolded by a parent or teacher.
“Hyun—“ Jeongin began, but Hyunjin wasn’t done. His sudden out burst was more than he could handle before seven in the morning, even if their situation as bizarre.
“Nothing works! And it’s so disorienting when you hit your head and all the sudden I’m in my bed. It feels like I’ve been knocked out cold. I can’t fucking take this anymore! Its been weeks—“
“And it’s been months for me! Maybe even a year!” Jeongin cut him off, yelling back just as loudly. It seemed to shake Hyunjin out of his slump, because his hands fell limply at his waist before slowly curling around himself. His face was red and his eyes were brimmed with angry tears.
He chewed on his lip, “well, we have to do something.”
His voice was barely a whisper, and his eyes were downcast. Jeongin had tried everything and he was close to giving up. He could just live the same day over and over forever. He wanted to get Hyunjin out but there was only so much he could do.
“What do you suggest then? Huh?” he sighed, defeated.
Hyunjin fidgeted nervously. There was a moment of silence, briefly, and then Hyunjin surged forward. Two hands found his shoulders and pulled him in.
Their lips met. So plush, yet the force of the kiss hurt enough that Jeongin whimpered against him.
Oh.
Hyunjin was kissing him.
Wait.
Hyunjin was kissing him.
Jeongin pushed him off, stumbling backwards so quickly that his head hit the floor before he could even process what had just happened.
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
Just as before, Hyunjin was at Jeongin’s apartment before he could get out of bed. He had just enough time to throw a shirt on before the sound of Hyunjin’s heavy steps crashed down the hallway towards his bedroom.
Hyunjin didn’t wait. He surged forward again, kissing Jeongin like he meant it. His lips moved against his subtly, sweetly, fingers gripping his shirt in an attempt to keep him in place. It was really heavenly, but Jeongin couldn’t handle it.
He planted his hands on Hyunjin’s chest and gasped a breath as he pushed him back, but Hyunjin just grabbed his arms and pulled him close again, in for another kiss. He pushed in with so much force that Jeongin lost his balance.
The floor rushed up to meet them both.
That sinking feeling surged through him. He was falling again. The loop was going to reset for the umpteeth time. He would wake up, disoriented, lips and head sore for a fleeting moment before the groggy feeling of a too-early morning overtook him. Then he would do it all again.
Over and over and over.
He was so frusterated he could cry.
But Hyunjin had a tight grip on him, keeping them both from smacking their heads off Jeongin’s bedroom floor. They went down, not gracefully. Hyunjin’s hand came up to cradle Jeongin’s head, and his knees buckled to slow their descent, hitting the ground first. Jeongin’s hands flailed out, catching both of them, until the full weight of Hyunjin crashed again his torso and pinned them both to the ground.
He had fallen, and he was still in Hyunjin’s arms. Not in his bed. No alarm blaring. Hyunjin had finally caught him.
Both of their faces were painfully hot and red, and Hyunjin had a knee between Jeongin’s legs, caging him in where they had fallen.
As soon as his mind refocused on the feeling in his hands, he pushed up, trying to get as far away from him as possible—
“No, Jeongin please don’t run! I’m.. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to.”
Hyunjin had kissed him. Twice, for whatever reason. All the times he could remember trying during his unsuccessful confessions, Hyunjin had pushed back or rejected him in some way. He was probably just doing this to break the loop and that wasn’t fair. Not at all.
Jeongin was too tired of all the shit to have his feeling’s fucked with.
“Did you just do that to break the loop? Hyun what the hell is that going to do?”
Hyunjin pressed his lips thin.
“I don't know! And yes, no.. i just. Its been in the back of my mind”
“What has?”
Hyunjin sighed and finally rolled off of him, allowing Jeongin to sit up. Now, he was just confused. Nothing was making sense. Had Hyunjin just been thinking about kissing him? Why didn’t he do it earlier?
“My feelings for you.”
His voice was quiet, barely a whisper. Jeongin looked up to find his eyes, but they were downcast, fixed on his hands that were fiddling in his lap. He was radiating anxiety.
Oh.
“I'm probably wrong, but I just thought that maybe– gosh, it's so silly, but this whole situation is insane. It's like a movie. I thought maybe originally we were in this loop together as some sort of divine punishment. And I kept thinking. Maybe I just needed to confess and it would fix everything”
It couldn’t be true. He had to be hearing it wrong. At any moment, Hyunjin would poke his cheek and start laughing at him for falling for his silly prank. Make some joke about how gullible Jeongin was, or how he should really try out acting for all those dramas he watched. Maybe there was another kind of confession he was talking about that Jeongin was completely unaware of.
“Confess…?” His words came out slowly, carefully.
“Yes. confess… dammit, I like you Yang Jeongin.”
The air left his lungs in a low shaky breath. The world was crashing down on him yet their was an immense weight lifted from his shoulders.
Hyunjin liked him?
After all that they had been through, all the dancing around he had done, Hyunjin liked him.
“You like me?”
Hyunjin finally lifted his gaze and met Jeongin’s. His eyes were brimmed red and filled with unshed tears. The dim light of his apartment still shone beautifully in them, like a sky full of stars. He reached forward and laced his fingers through Jeongin’s and he could feel it: his skin was so clammy with nerves, still shaking
“So much. So much that it hurts. I’m sorry. I tried to hold it back, I really did. But being stuck with you in this—whatever we’re in— I just couldn’t do it anymore. At least if the whole point of this was just to humiliate me, we know now. I’m so sorr—“
Jeongin didn’t let him finish. He nearly pounced on him, knocking them both backwards onto the floor again. Their lips met for a third time, Jeongin crashing forward like it was the last thing he’d ever do. It was sweeter than ever, and Hyunjin kissed back with no hesitation.
Only after they were breathless did Jeongin pull away, keeping their noses only centimeters apart. He would never let him get away again.
“I hate you. I love you. Hyung, I love you so much,” Tears streamed down Jeongin’s cheeks, dripping onto Hyunjin’s. They could barely keep kissing because they were both smiling so wide, white teeth on display.
Hyunjin pulled him in again, smiling against his lips. He had started crying too. His hands wandered frantically, cupping Jeongin’s face, slipping down his shoulders to squeeze his waist in a tight hug.
“I… the whole loop started for me… after I accidentally confessed my feelings for you. Hyung”
There was a moment of silence before they both laughed. Hyunjin let out that goofy hyena laugh he reserved just for Jeongin, the one he loved so much. The whole situation was comedically pathetic.
“I’ve— we’ve been so stupid haven’t we?”
“Very.”
Their laughter finally died down, and Jeongin pushed himself off Hyunjin’s chest. He was still flustered, but now being close with him felt good. Like being in his arms was the right thing to do.
“How long have you felt that way?”
“I’ve actually um, well, remember how we met?”
Hyunjin brought his hand up to scratch the back of his neck sheepishly and Jeongin’s jaw dropped. They had met years ago, and Hyunjin had liked him the whole time?
His mind wandered to way back then. They had ran into each other at a coffee shop back on campus. Hyunjin was only one semester into an art degree and Jeongin was still living with his parents. He had just started his first part time job at the coffee shop. Hyunjin came in nearly every day to get an iced americano and chat with him. That’s what started the daily Hyunjinnie news reel, the texts that made his life interesting.
Jeongin suddenly felt even more stupid than before. Years of shy glances and nervous flirting, assuming Hyunjin could never feel the same way yet he had. The entire time.
“Oh my gosh. Seriously?”
Hyunjin giggled, “I kept bothering you because I thought you were hot.”
“Hyung. Oh my gosh.” Jeongin kissed him again, feverishly.
It felt completely surreal. Hyunjin actually liked him. All those confessions weren’t for nothing. It would have happened eventually. He had so many questions but he had forever to ask them. They were still stuck in the time loop.
“At least, if that wasn’t the solution to this whole mess, we can keep working at it. Together.” Hyunjin smiled and laced his fingers between Jeongin’s, pulling him in for one last kiss before pulling them both to their feet.
It felt like something out of a dream for both of them.
They spent the rest of the night in Jeongin’s apartment. Hyunjin cooked them stir fry and they cuddled up on the couch. They put on a show but talked over it the whole time. Jeongin shared all of his horrid attempts at confessing— every place he had hit his head, every snide comment that had flustered Jeongin so badly that he couldn’t contain himself anymore. At least, he shared everything he could remember.
He had forgotten many of his attempts, thankfully. There was only so much shame he could handle. It’s like his brain blocked out his worst attempts like a natural reaction to trauma. Hyunjin managed to jog his memory on some of them, taking wild shots in the dark.
They ignored the buzzing on their phones— their friends, coworkers, family all trying to contact them. None of them mattered that day. Jeongin and Hyunjin had five years of feelings to catch up on.
They fell asleep cuddling in the blankets of Jeongin’s bed, uncaring of the thick sheen of sweat between their bare chests. Nothing could keep them out of each others arms. Despite how stupid they both felt, they were dizzy with bliss.
BLEEP
BLEEP
BLEEP
Jeongin woke up and attempted to throw and arm out for his phone, but was met with premature silence. He sighed with relief and snuggled in closer to the strong chest he had his face buried in, easing the tight grip around his waist that kept him securely pressed against Hyunjin’s warm body. A small puff of breath left his lips as he tangled his fingers in Hyunjin’s hair.
Wait.
Hyunjin’s hair. Hyunjin’s arm and Hyunjin’s chest he was snuggled against.
Because Hyunjin was there in Jeongin’s bed.
“Hyunjin! Hwang Hyunjin wake up! Wake up!” Jeongin used all his strength to jump up, shaking Hyunjin with all his might.
Hyunjin obviously had no idea what was going on, eyes popping open to stare wildly at Jeongin.
And then it hit him.
“Holy shit! We did it! Oh my gosh, Innie!” He wrapped his arms around Jeongin and tears streamed down his face again. Both of their faces.
Hyunjin had only been stuck for a few weeks, but Jeongin has been living the same Tuesday over and over again for months, maybe even longer. So long he had lost track. There was a time where he had completely given up on the idea of Wednesday Jeongin.
But here he was. Finally on Wednesday, June 25th, sitting in his bed. And of all things to break the time loop, it was him.
Hwang Hyunjin.
His best friend. His long time crush. His new boyfriend. His soulmate. The one who he was apparently destined to be with, so much so that the world stopped to make sure it happened.
He had no idea how long it had been, but in the end, the answer was Hyunjin. It had always been Hyunjin.