Chapter Text
Chapter 1: bittersweet end, new beginning
The sound of pouring rain pattered against her roof, trickling down to her window and making that oddly satisfying hollow sound that tickles her senses. Lara always found it quite relaxing, but at a time like this, she too wept like the sky.
She was tearing down her pictures with her former lover—Peter Kavinsky, one by one on her corkboard. Each pull was like a shot to her chest; she hadn’t anticipated how much emotion these inks on paper held. Lara had always been sentimental, but after a few pieces of advice from Chris and Margot, she decided to clean up.
“This one was from our first bowling date…” she muttered; a soft yet bitter chuckle escaped her lips. She tossed the paper into a cardboard box as a tear fell from her eyes.
She gathered every gift, every letter, every photo- anything that involved Peter Kavinsky into that box. With a piece of paper and a pen, she began to write a letter that would never reach its destination.
Dear Peter Kavinsky,
I’m writing this letter not because I want to say you were my first kiss and I have a huge crush on you, but because, as always, this will never be mailed to you.
I’ve valued my two years with you; I really do. It was my first time actually experiencing what being in love felt like. Maybe all that reading poisoned my mind into thinking all relationships should have a happy end. But I was too gullible, wasn’t I? I don’t blame you, and I know that I wasn’t your first, but I hope that I held a very special place in your heart.
Just like how I treasure you as my first real love.
Long distance and college prepared us for the worst; even though you assured me everything would be alright between us, it never helped. You and I were growing apart day by day; you got busy, and I got busy. It’s like we never existed in each other’s lives as partners. I thought that I prepared myself for the worst, but I realized that I wasn’t. I wasn’t strong enough to accept that you’d be gone from my life forever.
But I knew deep in my heart that it was for the greater good. You showed me a lot of things I'd never experienced in my life. You were one of—or not, the reason why I can look at myself in the mirror as Lara Jean. Not someone I wanted to be or someone that I am not. Thank you, Peter, truly. You weren’t just an experience; you were my other half. LJ + PK forever, right?
It must’ve been so nice for your own ego that I wrote a letter for you twice, huh?
With Love,
Lara Jean.
She folded the paper and placed it in a well-decorated envelope before sealing it away, forever. For a minute, she stared at the letter in her hand; it was still sinking in that they were over now. Were those two years worth it, or did it actually matter at all? She never really imagined they’d break up; she thought first love was meant to be forever. But it didn’t work out for Peter and Gwen, did it? Maybe she was so lost in her fantasies that she forgot that this is reality.
Lara stood up from her seat with the letter in hand. She bent and grabbed the box she'd labeled “trash.” She took one more look at it, and it was at that moment she thought, “Wow, we really did this all together.” She sighed deeply before placing the letter right above the middle, sitting prettily on top of everything else. She taped it shut, then took the elevator down to her apartment to take it out the back.
“Shit, right, it’s raining.” Lara sighed, standing right at the entrance of her apartment without any umbrella. She clicked her tongue and tried to make a run for it under the pouring rain.
“Sunny skies, they said,” she gruffed, her footsteps slowing as she took cover around the alley of her apartment. Finally, the dumpsite. Her gaze fell on the box in her hand; suddenly, it became hard to let go. She shook her head. “Don’t hesitate now, Lara Jean Covey.” She muttered.
Lara placed the box down beside the other trash and grazed her hand lightly against the cardboard for the last time. She wanted to feel it once more before walking away from the memories that made her feel most alive.
She clasped her hands together; suddenly, the heavy weight in her chest felt a little lighter. She turned on her heel and walked away from the alley without daring to look back or even reminisce about a single moment. But she only took a few steps when a loud clang came from behind her that made her squeal. She looked back in an instant with a wary yet surprised look.
“Spider-Man?” She questioned; her tensed shoulders started to ease up a little. She knew he wasn’t a threat; after all, Spider-Man was the hero of New York for years. Though she was never personally saved by this anonymous hero, she might’ve fantasized that he would someday.
“Uh, yeah! Just happened to fly away to this…really unfamiliar alley while taking down some bad guys!” He nervously chuckled. There’s something in his tone that made Lara pique her interest. But since he is the anonymous hero, she didn’t push her question.
“Then…I’ll give you some privacy to do your thing…? You should also probably go back to the crime scene.” She said curtly.
“This is so awkward.” She thought to herself.
“Uh-yeah, you should go first! I’m still trying to catch my breath before beating the bad guys.” He suddenly breathed heavily and leaned against the wall with his palm resting against his chest. Lara raised a brow; she was trying to hold in a laugh since he was a really terrible liar. He probably had business here, and he didn’t want her seeing him.
“Okay, take care…I guess.” She shrugged and resumed walking away from the dark alley, but her interest still lingered. Who really is Spider-Man after all these years?
He watched her turn a corner and eventually fade from view; that was his cue to drop his act. He sighed in relief. After making sure the coast was clear, he began to undress his suit. Revealing a pretty ordinary young man who you wouldn't have thought to be a hero of New York.
“Good thing she didn’t notice this mess,” he muttered. He began collecting his clothing and stuffed it into his large backpack lying on the pavement. How come she didn’t see his stuff lying around?
He grabbed his backpack and double-checked the area before fleeing the site. There, he noticed a well-kept box labeled “trash” right beside a dumpster. It wouldn’t hurt to take a look, right? Besides, he’s trying to collect usable items for his little inventions in the dump.
He bent down and tore off the masking tape; the box revealed unwanted treasures that made him feel guilty for even opening it.
“Couldn’t relate more, stranger,” he puffed, his eyes locked on the letter that addressed the name ‘Peter’. Only Peter, no last name, no address. He stared at the letter in hand, contemplating whether to snoop, but if he really wanted to, it’d probably be in his pocket by now.
Which it already is.
“Dear Peter, huh. Haven’t heard that in a while.”