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She had been back in the Enchanted Forest for what felt like all of three minutes when they met. Freaking flying monkeys! Attacking from out of nowhere, trying to fly off into the air with her attached to it and he’d fired at it. Then further down the road, they were there again. Damned flying monkeys attacking that sweet little boy with the beautiful chestnut curls and she couldn’t control the slight contraction of her heart. She missed Henry, her heart breaking and bleeding for her son.
The father of said boy (an adorable little angel with the most precious dimples when he smiled) was a ruggedly handsome specimen and when faced with the nosy, albeit comforting, pestering from Snow she could only thing of one thing to say about him.
“He smells like forest!”
Yes, he did smell like the forest, but it wasn’t the kind of smell she had been expecting. The fragrance was something all his own, and Robin of Locksley, aka Robin Hood, aka someone she was certain there had been wanted posters for during her reign as he’d stolen from not only the neighbouring kingdom of Sherwood but also from her wealthy travelers, although, looking into his eyes Regina couldn’t seem to care.
He’d been there, every step of the way, through her heartache at the loss of her son. It felt like a death, it felt like she was grieving his life because the life that she thought she would share with him, being his mother and watching him grow was gone. It was gone the moment she had sent him over the town line with Emma, gone and Regina hadn’t known if she would have the strength to keep herself patched together. The wound of his loss like a gaping maw, threatening to swallow her whole. Then the Wicked Witch had happened, and the anger she felt had given her purpose.
Every day was precarious in the castle. Snow and Charming were constantly trying to bring hope back to the kingdom, while Regina was only interested in making Zelena pay. As the days crept by, Regina found that she had developed a new admirer. A four-foot admirer with chestnut curls, a stuffed monkey, and a father who tended to come visiting imploring her to share a drink with him and as the time crept by she swore that yes, she did enjoy him too.
Christmas was coming, and though it would be her first without Henry, it would also be her first with Robin and Roland. Her first with Snow and Charming and this thing they were building, this family. No matter how much they prodded each other, Regina knew that she loved them and would protect them with her life just as they would her. It was something surreal, and to celebrate this, Snow White was hosting a ball, because of course she was! This was Snow and Christmas plus the thing she had always hoped for – a resolution between them, a relationship like the one that she had always hoped they would have. For all she complained about her whimsical and hopeful ways, Regina couldn’t help but agree that this something beautiful and she was glad to be a part of it.
Garlands of evergreen that twinkled with fairy dust were hung from every possible location. There were baubles and bells that tinkled adorning the garland, and fairies that fluttered throughout every corner of the castle making it shimmer with holiday spirit. Regina huffed and sighed in mock scorn, yet couldn’t help but feel secretly overjoyed at the thought of spending the holidays dancing beneath the moonlight with Robin of Locksley. He’d become a staple in her daily life. He’d soothed her down from the edge of the precipice of loneliness several times. He’d made every effort to show her that she was more than just what people had said about her, more than the villain who had had his face adorned on wanted posters and chased him with the fury of her Black Knights. He saw her, and no one had truly seen her since Daniel.
“Regina!”
She could hear Snow’s voice call out to her, and though she though she felt an insuppressible urge to roll her eyes at her, she was also touched that she was calling on her for help. Things truly had changed for her, and she was pinching herself every moment in fear that she was going to wake up from this dream. There was no sense in walking faster, Snow would just follow her anyway. Regina feigned annoyance and turned on her heels. Snow was always so damned happy! Even in the bleakest situations the woman had that pestering smile on her face, and there was something about it that screamed love. Regina wanted that too – and it sent a little jolt of fear through her to realize that.
Dear heavens, what had she become!
“Quick, call the fairies! I think they missed a spot!”
“Regina,” Snow huffed, hands on hips and taking the teasing good naturedly as always. Regina just didn’t know how she did that, but she had to admit that she was proud of her that she could. Proud that Snow was just that tough.
“Really, I think you should dig out the rainbow and unicorn stickers because they would go perfectly with the shimmering taffeta monstrosity you hung in my chambers this morning!”
“Regina Mills I know that you are enjoying the preparation for this ball just as much as I am so you can just stop with your snark because I’m having none of it!”
She rolled her eyes in a grand gesture of annoyance and came to stop, her arms crossed defensively across her chest. Regina was the master at deflecting anything that she didn’t want to feel, especially anything that made her feel vulnerable. She’d been hiding her vulnerability for so long, she wasn’t quite sure just how to let go of her armour.
“And just what is it that I can help you with, dear?” Regina sighed in her own affected manner that spoke of what a nuisance this interruption was, however there was something small in her heart that was amazed and endeared that Snow White, the Bandit Princess who was beloved by all, wanted to include her – felt the need to make sure that Regina was coping without Henry and that she knew how welcome she was with them all.
“I was just thinking… Do you think you could whip up something spectacular for us at the end of the night to usher everyone off to their beds?”
“Do you want sugar plums dancing in their heads too or is that where you draw the line at holiday magic?”
“You know you don’t have to make everything so difficult with me – I know how much you’re hurting. Remember Regina, for better or worse we are a family. Charming and I miss Henry just as much as you do, but we also know the pain of missing your child – and that’s something no parent should have to feel,” Snow’s voice was soft, yet firm, imploring her to see the light. Regina was coming around, she just couldn’t stand feeling vulnerable no matter how much she loved that they wanted to help.
“You’re – You’re right,” her voice uncomfortably strained. She couldn’t help but think of her vulnerability as weakness, when in fact it was what would enable her to live a more wholehearted life. Like love, vulnerability wasn’t weakness – it was strength.
Snow took this truth for what it was and took Regina’s arm, slipping it through hers and began leading her down the hallway to the grand staircase where one of at least twelve regally decorated Christmas trees festooned the castle halls. She really was going to have to have a word with her about Holiday Overkill. Had she never heard of the expression “Less is More?”
Throughout their walk, Snow spoke of Father Christmas, perhaps a sleigh and eight or nine reindeer flying said sleigh could be magicked across the sky above the balcony? Or maybe she could make the Twelve Days of Christmas come to life? Snow was rolling so many ideas out so quickly that Regina could hardly keep up!
When they came to the grand staircase, the hallways a bustle with people trying to decorate and set things up for the party. Only one thing looked out of place to Regina – the rows of Nutcracker Soldiers, where one was not all that he seemed. She glanced at Snow, as if to test if she had noticed but the Princess was lost in her own animated world of holly berry and mistletoe.
Regina walked to the edge of the tree and gently touched a curved bauble with her finger. The word’s ‘Baby’s First Christmas’ were etched along the silver ornament and it looked terribly familiar…
“Oh! I see you’ve found it! There were a few items that appeared back here with us it seems, and I thought that maybe…”
“This was for Henry,” tears welling in her eyes, Regina turned to face Snow, and she grasped for Snow’s hand with her left. “Thank you.”
Snow White had never been one to resist a moment and suddenly she felt herself enveloped in a hug from the pixie like Princess. She’d needed the connection, needed the hug at that moment, and somehow, she was feeling alright at being vulnerable for the moment because the strength of her friend was helping to hold her steady. Regina saw through tears the memories of happy Christmases with her son, and the sorrow from missing him weighed heavily on her heart, but it was a sorrow shared.
“I do have some ideas as to what little magic I can do for this ball,” Regina pulled back to arm’s length and gave Snow a convincing smile. “Now, leave me here and I will work on something amazing for you! I promise!”
Snow’s gaze was still full of concern and suspicion, but she did squeeze Regina’s hand and move out of the foyer towards the kitchen where she would promptly be inundated with the many questions of the cooks for the celebratory Christmas feast. This was going to be a ball to remember, for all those involved, and Regina could see why Snow would want her to produce a big surprise. This would be a chance to show them all that even though they were back in the Enchanted Forest, there was no reason why Regina would revert to her old ways. There was no need. Much as she was loathe to admit it, she wasn’t lonely now that she had a castle full of friends, rather than a castle full of servants and slaves scraping and bowing at her every whim. Not that the bowing wasn’t nice, she did enjoy it, but no one was false with her – they were their honest selves and she found that refreshing.
Once she was out of sight, Regina squared her shoulders and moved towards the Nutcracker troops. She could have done something magical with them – an army of Nutcrackers fighting off the Wicked Witch that was plaguing the castle, plaguing her. She filed it away with other useful thoughts of how she could decimate the nasty green witch and send her packing back to Oz, right now there was a sweet young man who needed something from her more than they did.
She found Roland in the centre of the pack. The soldiers were five across and five rows back; twenty-five perfect little Nutcrackers – well, twenty-six if you counted the young man with chestnut curls and dimples in his cheeks who had taken up residence with them. She had to admit, Roland had stood perfectly still throughout their impromptu hug at the Christmas Tree and for a boy of four that was no easy task! She ran her fingers along the rims of the caps of the soldiers, one by one, row by row. When she reached Roland, she smiled and stood before him pondering just how to start this conversation. She didn’t have to think long when the little boy soldier started to giggle, giving himself away completely.
“Oh my!”
“Teehee, don’t be scared! It’s only me, Roland!”
“Well, I was beginning to worry that we were allowing anybody into our Nutcracker armies!” Regina swished her skirt around her body and crouched down on her haunches so that she could be at eye level with Roland. He seemed comforted by this action, and she knew that small children felt less intimidated when people came down to their level. “Well Captain, what’s your report? You’ve been monitoring the foyer – what have you seen that you can tell me today?”
The little man was full of stories, she was sure, and what better way to get to know what’s going on in the castle but through the eyes of a child. They certainly saw more than many people gave them credit for. She certainly hadn’t noticed what Henry had noticed when they were still under the curse all those years ago… Her heart clenched at the thought of her son realms away, even though she knew he was safe with Emma.
“Well, your majesty, I’ve –“
“You, my dear Captain, may call me Regina,” she smiled at Roland and ruffled his hair with her hand.
“Regina.”
She saw him smile as he tested her name on his lips, saw the little flush of embarrassment that coloured his cheeks and the strengthening of his reserve to continue as he formed a hard line with his lips. He was going to use her name, she could tell – or whatever approximation of her name made him most comfortable and that made her smile even more. Robin of Locksley and his son had firmly implanted themselves in her heart and now that they were there, she didn’t think she could ever let them go.
“Come,” Regina reached out a hand as she stood for Roland, “lets you and I share a treat while you tell me what you’ve seen and heard, Captain Roland.”
Two hours later, Roland had relayed everything that he had seen and heard in the hallways. Some of it was very interesting, and some of it was not but Regina pretended that that was the most interesting news of all. They had found some lovely Apple Turnovers, not fresh from her own oven by her own hand, but tasty and deliciously dusted with powdered sugar. Over turnovers and tea, Roland relayed the comings and goings of everyone he had seen in the castle, including one person that he couldn’t remember seeing before – a tall man with scraggly sandy blonde hair, he was thin and didn’t look like he was dressed quite right for a palace servant. He’d seen the man several times, each time the man had been wearing a broach, it was a green sparkly jewel per Roland, and he had seemed almost in a trance as he walked muttering to himself. Or rather, talking to himself in a sort of one sided conversation she had come to understand.
One thing was certain – that green hag had spies in her castle and that would not stand!
Regina let the ideas flow through her, hands twitching at her sides to unleash the fire within her heart. She wanted to vanquish that witch so she could start living her life again!
That gave her pause. She wanted to live! There were no thoughts of a sleeping curse buried in her mind, no thoughts of being unable to continue without Henry here – the thought of continuing without Robin and Roland had overtaken that desire. Now she wanted only to make their kingdom safe so that she could start living and see if there was some way to build another family here while honouring her former life.
But none of that would be possible if greenie were still tormenting them, and so she needed a foolproof plan to ensure that she hopped right back on her broom to Oz. Regina toyed with many things, but ultimately settled on preparing the Nutcracker troops to mount an impromptu defense. Given her current track record with the Wicked Witch of the West, Regina knew that everyone should have a hand in the defense of the castle because they were friends, a family, and families worked together – didn’t they? Wasn’t that what Snow was always telling her – that they were a family?
She’d worried enough about it, there was no room for hesitation, and when she found herself outside the library doors she thrust them open. The clattering of the doors as they hit the stone wall startled the occupants said library causing the books on the table around them to tumble to the floor.
“Oh my goodness!”
“REGINA!”
“Oh – sakes alive, this is a common room Charmings! A common room!”
Regina turned her back from the couple en deshabille, as a show of good nature but refused to leave the doorway. She could hear the rustle of papers and clothing behind her as they frantically scrambled to adjust themselves and rolled her eyes. Amateurs!
“You know, you could always hang your broadsword on the door knob. Maybe leave stockings hanging from the handle to let us know it’s not safe to come in.”
“Ha ha, Regina, very funny.”
She could hear Charming trying to stifle a laugh at her jab, and Snow’s chagrin, and couldn’t suppress her smile. Bless David and his ability to take a joke!
“Are you two decent yet?”
“This really couldn’t wait another –“
“Snow, if it could wait she wouldn’t still be standing in the doorway,” David’s voice was firm, yet she could hear the hint of amusement to his tone and she hazarded turning around to make light of the awkwardness of the situation.
“If it could wait I would have just left you and your shepherd to frolic instead of barging in here looking for a little help from my friends!”
The silence that fell on the room was deafening. The expressions of shock on Snow White and Prince Charming’s faces was something that she would have killed to see in days gone by, but now it was an act smacking with the taste of vulnerability. Regina pretended to shrug it off as though their surprise didn’t affect her, but the racket of the toppling books and the shouting of both a frazzled Queen and a startled couple had attracted the attention of the dwarves who were all appearing out of nowhere singing a jaunty Beatles tune.
Leroy was the last to arrive with his usual grumpy frown turned into a smile as he belted out, “Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends!”
Her wrist flicked involuntarily conjuring one of the brightest fireballs she’d ever seen. The singing stopped immediately and scowls appeared on faces as the dwarves returned to their natural state of unrest around the formerly “evil” Queen. Snow White stepped towards her and placed a hand on Regina’s arm.
“What’s the matter, Regina? How can we help?”
“I think we may need a few more heads at the table, though this is a good start. Robin, Belle, the fairies, anyone who desires freedom from that Oz witch – she has spies in the castle and we need to be ready.”
Christmas Eve
“O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
Much pleasure doth thou bring me!
For every year, the Christmas tree,
Brings to us all both joy and glee,
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
Much pleasure doth thou bring me!”
They had spared no expense to put this ball together. The minstrels played carols from multiple realms, though many were those they would have heard in Storybrooke. Regina found herself staring in wonder at the regality of all those in attendance. Why, if she hadn’t known better she would have sworn that Granny was every bit the grand matriarch that her mother had always tried to be!
Fairy dust sparkled from every corner. Candlelight twinkled in every recess and the hearths were a glow with the beauty and warmth of a roaring fire. Carolers were situated by the Christmas Tree in the middle of the ball room, their voices loud and strong in the din of the crowd. Their songs ebbing and flowing like tinkling silver bells in the air.
Regina felt like her skin was crawling. Forget visions of sugar plums, try visions of inadequacies danced in her head. It was like a mental ticker tape, all that self-doubt, all that shame…
Evil witch.
You’re not good enough to be here.
They will never love you.
NO ONE can ever love you.
The thought that that was true, that without Henry, no one would ever love her. Regina felt as though her chest were caving in, struggling to breathe through the tears that were threatening to fall. She had to get out of the ballroom.
The party goers were too caught up in the revelry to notice that she had slipped out into the terrace garden and the open air. No one would notice she was gone anyways. Really, who would miss her in all this chaos.
This courtyard had once been a thing of beauty. Hers. The one place in the entire palace that had truly been hers throughout all her years here. Her apple tree was back in the centre of the courtyard, still as beautiful and well cared for as the day she had transplanted it here. She sat on the edge of the planter box and placed a hand to her chest and closed her eyes, willing herself to take in the calm and serenity of the night around her. By the time the song lilting from the ballroom had changed to ‘We Wish You a Merry Christmas’ (or something that sounded suspiciously like it), Regina was beginning to feel somewhat steadier within herself.
“Ahem.”
A slight clearing of the throat came from before her, a very masculine sound surrounded by a scent of balsam firs and pine and dirty… All sense of composure was momentarily lost in the thrill that she found herself looking up into the eyes of Robin Hood, her lips parted slightly in a soft oh. She loved the way his eyes crinkled at the corners, those little crow’s feet that showed how well he had laughed and smiled over time. The scruff of his beard along his jawline, the dimples when he smiled like he was smiling at her now, the touch of his hand on hers.
“You still owe me a drink, your majesty.”
In his outstretched hand was a goblet matching his own, a rich ruby nectar colouring the glass. She took the proffered glass with a nod of the head and took a sip. The sweetness flowed across her tongue and she wondered just what it would be like to taste it from his lips. Just what flavours would be brought out of the wine when mixed with his skin.
“I didn’t know thieves drank fine wine.”
“I didn’t know that queens don’t really enjoy a good ball. See, you learn something new every day, your highness.”
A moment of silence passed between them, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. In fact, Regina was feeling steadier just by knowing that Robin was standing before her. She got to her feet and turned to the apple tree, gesturing with her free hand to the nearest branch.
“I bet you didn’t know that some queens are much more comfortable in the confines of their garden than in a room full of revelers.”
She could hear the two steps he took so that they were standing a hairsbreadth apart, feel the heat of his body as he drew in slow and steady breaths. The rumble of his chest as he chuckled at her comment. The scent of the forest…
“A room full of revelers that miss you, but then, I don’t think you’re quite like any queen I have ever met.”
“They don’t miss me, that group, they probably haven’t even noticed that I’m gone.”
“I noticed you were gone. There was something… missing in the room, a brightness that had gone dark without you in it Regina,” Robin’s spoke her name with reverence. It was like a heavenly prayer coming from his lips, not the curse she was so accustomed to hearing from others. She chanced turning to face him, even though if he were insincere she couldn’t bear to see it in his eyes.
The air between them heavy with promise. Regina dared to gaze up at him, eyes veiled by her lashes, and saw the same attraction staring back at her. It sent a shiver down her spine and warmed her through and through.
“Thank you, by the way, for the drink. I couldn’t stand another minute inside that room, I – I had to get out,” she let the truth come out, almost in a rush. This man made her feel so much and dared her to be her vulnerable self just by standing here. She rose to the challenge because she knew that living that whole-hearted life was what she was supposed to do, and it felt right when she was with him.
She wanted to lean forward and kiss him. The space between their lips closing at a snail’s pace, both hesitantly leaning in to take from each other the comfort of a kiss. Her hand came up to cup his cheek, his free hand curled about her waist and pulled her body closer until they could have been one flesh. Just as their lips were about to touch the wind whipped through the courtyard and the sound of wings flapping and apes chittering filled the air.
“You have got to be kidding me!” Regina released all the frustration she could verbally as they pulled apart to see what was in store.
They took off for the doors to the palace at a run, all thoughts of what had almost happened vanishing in the trail of dust formed by the legion of flying monkeys overhead.
“Snow! Charming! They’re coming!”
Regina found them by the Christmas Carolers, a gasp of fear coursing through the room. The denizens of the Enchanted Forest were used to evil sorceresses trying to attack, but they certainly weren’t used to a witch with green skin who had a penchant for chimpanzees with wings. This would be a new experience for them all, despite how many of them they had seen on the walk towards the castle.
Cackling laughter sounded overhead sounding out the arrival of their enemy. Everyone that would be standing in the defense of the palace had taken their places at the cue of David and Robin’s gestures. Regina stood ready with a fireball in her hand, prepared to defend this castle or die trying.
Arrows were flying from both Snow and Robin’s bows at the incoming torrent of simians. Those that were making in through the splay were batted out of the air by dwarves or Princes of various realms with swords and staffs. They kept coming, driving at them from every front.
Regina wasn’t sure just where the witch was going to appear, but she knew that she would be coming for her. This was a personal vendetta, one of blood, that Zelena seemed determined to settle with blood shed. She would be coming for her, and Regina wasn’t sure that she could handle the attack all alone.
“Come on Zelena! Stop hiding behind your circus monkeys and let’s settle this like grown-ups!”
It was like calling out into a hurricane, her voice dying on the wind and in the din of battle cries.
“Do you really think we can settle this any other way?”
The voice was behind her, in front of her… Surrounding her. For a heart stopping moment, Regina was afraid, but she wasn’t going to let that show in her actions. Bravado had won her countless wars, she didn’t see where that was going to end just because the enemy was her own flesh and blood.
“You don’t want to go another round with my fireballs, I get it. Let’s talk this out then. There’s got to be a way!”
When she descended upon her like a cyclone in the air on her broom, Regina didn’t know if she could get a good shot in. The wind kicked up and spiraled around her, sucking the life from the flames in her hands, sucking the power out of her. The last thing she expected was what happened – Tinkerbell and the Blue Fairy throwing themselves between them and erecting a protective shield around her. When her attacks were volleyed off the shield, Zelena turned her attention on to the gathered crowd, the children and the elderly who were not taking part in the battle themselves. Regina could not let that stand.
“Fairies can one of you walk with me, to the foyer, to set something in motion to protect the innocents?”
“Blue, I can keep her protected. You do what you can here to help,” Tinkerbell put in as she and Regina hurried out to the Nutcracker soldiers in the hall.
Regina had set this spell in motion a long time before, weaving the magic into the carpeting, the garlands, the very essence of the palace itself. It had been a grand undertaking, but nothing that was in this palace could be harmed while the Nutcrackers stood to protect it. She wondered wryly if Tchaikovsky had had a similar experience in another realm.
The soldiers came to life, marching into the ballroom and fighting back against Zelena and everything that she could throw at them. Tinkerbell had fortified them, making them impervious to all but actual physical attacks. No fire or magic could take these brave men down.
“Give it up, Zelena! Your monkeys are failing – and my troops can’t lose!”
There was an agonizing moment where a storm seemed to be brewing behind that green façade. Regina didn’t want to be anywhere near when that storm broke, but she would take comfort in the look of defeat that flashed in her wicked sister’s eyes.
“This isn’t over! You haven’t seen the last of me!”
Zelena was back on her broom and up into the night sky within seconds, those simians that remained alive following quickly after her. A cheer went up throughout the room, and as she took a deep breath in and let the fireball extinguish in her palm, Regina felt a warmth of welcome that she had never felt before surrounded by the heroes. She was one of them, and it felt good.
People were hugging all around her. Families finding each other, holding on to each other tightly and it was in the moment that Regina truly felt alone. She had forgotten how truly alone she was in this land and her shoulders sagged in response.
“R’gina!”
A small voice cried out her name, or some facsimile thereof, and she felt a collision with her legs as the small body of Roland careened in to her skirts. Thank heavens for small miracles, she bent down to the boy and scooped him up into her arms, hugging him tightly and checking for any cuts, scrapes or bruises in the process.
“Oh, Roland! Are you okay? Did she hurt you?”
“I’m ok R’gina, but I was worried about you!”
He buried his head in the crook of her neck and Regina thought she might melt from the sweetness of this little boy in her arms. She leaned her cheek against his curls and closed her eyes. This was good, this was right… This was home.
“Regina! Roland! You’re alright!”
The relief in Robin’s voice as he came running to them, the feel of his arm as it slipped around her waist, the touch of his forehead to hers all told her that this was right. She was on the right path. The touch of his lips later in the darkness told her even more.
Zelena’s parting words still howled in her ears, but tonight Regina had managed to keep them all safe and sound with a little help from her friends, and that was good enough for now.