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The artifact had been gathering dust in the back of Roswaal's library for what Beatrice called "longer than I care to remember, I suppose." It was a mirror roughly the size of Subaru's hand, and its surface was swirling with muted colours like oil on water.
Subaru had been cleaning and dusting because Ram had complained about sneezing, and Emilia had given Subaru that hopeful look that made him incapable of saying no to anything. And now here he was, holding an ancient magical mirror that was definitely not supposed to be touched.
“I'm just going to wipe this off and-”
The mirror flared to life, causing Subaru to yelp and almost drop it, but the glass had already gone clear. Crystal clear. And in it, he saw himself. Not himself now. Himself in the throne room with Emilia beside him, radiant in white with her hand holding his. Within that throne room, Subaru became Emilia's Knight and they were dancing together.
His chest swelled with pride. Good. That's good. That's what we're working toward, that's-
Then the image shifted, Rem was lying in a coma completely still. Her face peaceful, eyes closed, but there was no sign of waking up. Subaru saw himself visiting her every night to tell her about his day.
“Rem?” Subaru asked with a broken tone. “What happened to her? Why is-”
“She's been like this for a year.” A voice said, his own voice from the vision. “Gluttony got her during the battle against the Witch Cult. I couldn't save her. I was too busy saving everyone else, and I-”
“You chose Emilia.” Another voice said, his own, but meaner. “You chose her, and Rem paid the price.”
“No.” Subaru's hand shook. “That's not- that's not how it happened. I saved her. I saved everyone. I figured it out and Rem is fine-”
The mirror rippled. Another world was shown. This time, he saw himself in a park with Rem, in Japanese inspired town wearing Japanese inspired clothes, and his black hair was in a low ponytail. He looked a little older, probably in his mid twenties. His head was resting on the shoulder of his wife, Rem; with her long hair blue like the sky and caressed by the wind, holding their baby daughter, Spica.
“Rigel is the bond between you and me in tangible form.” Rem said in the vision. “The phrasing is not nice, but with a baby being born between us, we would be bound together by something that could never be severed. …That is why I was happy.”
“Rem,” he breathed. “You're okay-” Subaru was close to relieved, but something didn't feel right. Having a life settled in a different country with two children could only mean one thing...
The image shifted again, taking back eight years beforehand. Outside Roswaal Manor was almost a frozen wasteland, and only Reinhard remained. The Lugunican hero had no choice but to slash Puck, who was on the verge of destroying the world.
“You left her,” the voice in his head said. “You chose Rem, you abandoned Emilia and everyone you know because you are a coward.”
“Stop,” Subaru choked out. “Stop showing me this. I don't want to see-”
The mirror showed him another world. And another. And another. One where they both died and he was left alone. One where he died and they were left alone. One where he chose neither. One where he chose both and they all died anyway. The mirror showed him every possible future, and in every single one, someone he loved was suffering.
“Subaru?”
A voice called, warm and distant.
“Subaru-kun? Are you alright?”
He looked up. The mirror clattered to the floor. His vision swam. His chest was too tight. His lungs weren't working. He was breathing, he was trying to breathe, but the air wasn't going in, why wasn't it going in-
“Subaru.”
He feels warm soft hands on his face.
“Look at me.” Emilia said in a worried tone, holding back her own panic. “Look at me, Subaru. You need to breathe. You're having a panic attack. Can you hear me?”
“Emilia-” He gasped. “Rem- ... I saw... the mirror, I saw-”
“Shh.” Rem's hand found his back, rubbing slow circles between his shoulder blades. “We're safe. We're here. Nothing is happening to us.”
“You don't understand.” He was crying. When had he started crying? “I saw worlds where I chose one of you and the other- the other died- or worse, they-”
“Subaru-kun.” Rem's voice was steady. Unshakable. “Look at me.”
He looked. Her eyes were that familiar blue. She was alive. She was here.
“Breathe with me,” she said. “In. Out. In. Out.”
He tried. He really tried. But the images kept flashing behind his eyes. Rem in a coma. Emilia dead. Worlds where he failed them. Worlds where he chose wrong. Worlds where his love wasn't enough.
“I don't want to lose either of you,” he sobbed. “I can't. I can't lose one of you. I can't choose. I can't choose. Don't make me choose. Please, please don't make me choose-”
“Subaru.” Emilia called again. She cupped his face, tilting it toward her. Her amethyst eyes glistened, but her expression was fierce.
“Look at me. Breathe.”
He takes a few deep shaky breaths.
“Good. Now listen to me.” Emilia's thumb brushed away one of his tears. “Whatever you saw in that mirror, it's just a possibility. It's not real. We're here. We're both here. I'm not going anywhere, and neither is Rem.”
“Emilia-sama is correct,” Rem added quietly. “We are both here. Nothing happened to us, and we are both alive with you.”
“You don't understand,” Subaru choked. “If I had chosen differently- if I had made different decisions-”
“Then we would be in a different world.” Emilia's voice was gentle but firm. “But we're not. We're in this world. And in this world, you saved both of us.”
“But-”
“Subaru-kun.” Rem's voice was barely above a whisper. “Do you know what I see when I look at you? I see someone who refused to give up. Who refused to let anyone die. Who would rather suffer himself than let anyone else suffer. That's who you are. That's the man we love.”
“We don't need you to choose,” Emilia said. “We don't need you to pick one of us over the other. We need you to be here. With us.”
“But the mirror-”
“Screw the mirror.” Emilia's voice was sharp. Not angry. Determined. “I don't care what it showed you. I don't care about other worlds. I care about this one. I care about you. And I care about Rem.” She reached out, taking Rem's hand, pulling her closer. “We both love you. And we both know you love us. That's enough.”
Rem nodded, squeezing Emilia's hand. “Emilia-sama is right. There is no choice to be made because we are not asking you to make one.”
Subaru stared at them. His vision was still blurry with tears. His chest still ached. But the weight was starting to lift. Just a little.
“You're not... you're not mad?”
Emilia looked slightly offended. “Mad? Subaru, you just had a panic attack because you were so scared of losing us. I could never be mad at you for that.”
“Rem will never be mad at Subaru-kun for crying, because once he is finished, he stands up and faces forward.”
And then, without warning, both of them reached out and pulled him into a hug. Emilia was on his left, her chin resting above his head and her arms around his waist. Rem was on his right, her face pressed against his shoulder, her hand fisted in his shirt. And he clung to them like they were the only solid beings in this universe.
“I love you,” he choked out. “Both of you. I love you both so much it terrifies me.”
“We know,” Emilia murmured against his head.
“We feel the same.” Rem added softly.
For a long moment, none of them moved. The mirror laid forgotten on the floor, and its surface was dormant with no reflection. Whatever magic it held, it had shown him enough.
Eventually, Rem pulled back slightly. She looked at Emilia, and there was a glint in her eye that gave a somewhat mischievous look.
“Subaru-kun,” she said slowly, “this is usually the part where we take you to bed and hold you until you feel better.”
“I- what-”
“But I think,” Emilia cut in, her cheeks turning a slight red, “we should start with some tea. And then-”
She cleared her throat, looking at Rem. There was a silent conversation between them. A quick, wordless exchange.
“We will hold you,” Emilia said. “But first, we are going to sit on the sofa. You are going to lie down with your head on one of our laps. And we are going to talk about anything except parallel worlds and terrible futures. Understood?”
Subaru in the midst of wiping away his tears, paused for a moment before covering his face.
“You're both trying to kill me,” he said weakly with a smile. “This is how I die. Overwhelmed by love.”
Rem giggled. “Is that a no?”
Subaru immediately uncovered his face. “Are you kidding? That's the best thing anyone has ever offered me! A double lap pillow from Emilia-tan and Rem-rin.” He swooned as if already imagining it.
“Good.” Emilia smiled, seeing Subaru's spirits lifted. “Then let's go.”
She took one of his hands. Rem took the other as they led him to the sofa. They made him lie down, his head on Emilia's lap, his legs stretched across Rem's. Emilia carded her fingers through his hair. Rem traced patterns on his arm. They talked about the weather, they talked about the Arlam village, and they talked about nothing.
“What if I have nightmares?” he asked quietly.
“Then you wake us,” Rem said simply.
“And we will be here.” Emilia finished.
Ever since the mirror, or maybe since the day he encountered hell, Subaru felt like he could breathe. It was a relief, a moment when Subaru wanted to temporarily freeze time so this moment would last longer than it should. Was this greedy? Was this selfish?
“What did I do to deserve you two...” he murmured.
“Subaru-kun.” Rem's voice was fond. “You are being an idiot.”
“Rem is right,” Emilia agreed. “You are being a dunderhead. But we love you anyway.”
He laughed weakly. “Dunderhead? Who says that in this day and-”
“Oh be quiet and rest.” Emilia said playfully.
Surrounded by the woman who tells him to rest and the woman who tells him to stand up, two contradicting things from the two women in his heart, held him with that same warmth in the language of affection. And with that, Subaru had finally drifted to sleep with no nightmares found.
---
The next morning, Beatrice found the magical mirror lying on the floor. She examined it carefully, it was still in that same murky state with no reflection.
“A cursed piece of trash, I suppose,” she declared right before she smashed it with her foot.
Subaru didn't flinch, as he was too busy enjoying the sight of Emilia and Rem arguing amiably over who got to make breakfast, both of them glancing at him every few seconds to make sure he was still there.
The other worlds can keep their suffering. But in this universe and in this moment, everyone was alive. Everyone was loved. That was more than enough.
Right?