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Kurt Hummel had had probably the worst year of his life. And that’s really saying something.
He broke it off with Blaine, all his friends disappeared suddenly to live happier lives that didn’t involve him, he hardly spoke to his dad and Carol, he was still dealing with the loss of Finn and his best friend disappeared off the face of the earth. His life sucked.
His grades at NYADA were close to perfect, though, and he hadn’t flunked out or quit like Rachel and Blaine.
He missed Blaine. A lot.
The worst of what he went through is realising that he no longer had anyone that cared about him in his vicinity. His dad told him he could come back home any time, but he was still trying to prove he could make it on his own.
He no longer had anyone who lived with him in what used to be Kurt and Rachel’s, and even Santana’s apartment. He told Blaine he needed space when it was all 5 of them (including Sam) living in one place. Now he was alone with all that room and it really sucked. Whenever he woke up all he did was remind himself that he was completely and utterly alone.
Speed-dating was more of a thing to pass time until he got Blaine back. He was going to get Blaine back, right?
Ugh, he was so frustrated with himself.
Whatever, last year he had been smart enough to pick Lima as his third year ‘travel the world’ assignment. He knew he could change it and go literally anywhere else, but he promised himself he wouldn’t talk himself out of it.
So he packed his bags and got on a plane. Let’s just pray that Mercedes somehow read his mind and came back for a week to visit Lima.
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Rachel Berry had really stepped in it.
Thanks to nobody but herself, she lost her dream role, she lost her place at NYADA, she lost every single bit of fame she gained, and she lost her best friend.
Kurt would probably have a lot to say about this. But somehow, through all that fighting, it was nice to know that at least somebody still cared about what happened to her.
All she wanted for the 18 years until she had graduated high school was a friend. Just somebody that wasn’t related to her that could stand her enough to have her around. She just wanted somebody to love her.
Kurt did. In spite, despite and because of all of her insufferable behaviour, her passion and the amount in which she loved others. Even if she had a weird way of showing it.
She wanted nothing more than to visit him in New York. She just wanted to feel how she felt that day when he first came to New York and they started living together. How she felt when he had gotten on a plane for her (for himself as well, but he knew Rachel could use a friend) and how she felt when they ran into each other’s arms. Those two seconds of peace and ‘everything’s gonna be okay’.
She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t go back. She was so scared of everything, of everyone laughing at her.
So she decided to go back to Lima. With any luck, Kurt and Blaine had probably moved back? Sounds unrealistic, but everybody else came back or at least left New York. So she took her chances.
She got on a plane to Ohio and decided that everything was going to be okay. If she believed hard enough, it might even be true.
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When Kurt came back, he was immediately greeted by his parents. He hugged them both and dryly told them he’d be in his room if they needed anything.
He fiddled around with his phone in his hand. His first instinct was always to call Rachel. Now who does he even have left to call?
He threw his phone on the ground and took a deep breath. He realised it would be better if he slept it off and thought about it in the morning, so he did.
Meanwhile, Rachel had arrived to her old room where she started doing her nighttime routine since she hadn’t been in her own bathroom in a while anyways.
She looked in the mirror, the sadness in her face being enough to sadden literally a whole audience of people.
If she was acting, she’d bet other people would clap. She loved when she got standing ovations. Too bad she would never get them again. She had been too depressed to even sing. She hadn’t sung in a full week.
She closed her eyes, her mouth turning into a frown. She brought both hands up to her face and let the tears fall onto her palm.
She stayed like that for about a few minutes before realising she could cry in the shower. She did that to speed up the process of getting un-ready.
Her only clean pyjamas had still smelled like New York. She put them on and inhaled. Maybe if she inhaled deep enough she could smell the warm embrace her best friend used to give her.
Shortly after all this, she fell asleep, dried tear stains still on her cheeks.
Kurt woke up in the same exact way. He felt like how people feel when they wake up just to realise that they have nothing left. And honestly? he really didn’t have anything left.
He got up and decided that the least he could do was brush his teeth, wash his face and comb through his hair cause he looked like he’d been alive for 50 years and this was the only time he actually looked at himself in the mirror.
He rearranged his nightstand and desk. He found it helpful to arrange stuff daily and to clean frequently as a coping mechanism so he didn’t have to deal with everything life threw at him.
God, he really needed to get out of this new phase of depression and funk.
He squinted at the arrangement of clothes spread out onto his bed.
The criticisms he had were harsher than usual and he might’ve gone through every tie he ever owned to find a colour that goes with the crimson sweater he decided on.
Putting on his shoes, he left home and got in the car parked in the driveway. His dad wouldn’t miss it for a few hours.
He didn’t know where he was going, and before he even registered his surroundings he found himself at McKinley.
He sighed. I mean, he didn’t come all this way for nothing?
He went in. But where did he go to? There was no Glee Club, Mr. Schue wasn’t there anymore even as a teacher. Everybody else graduated.
“Porcelain?” He heard a familiar voice from behind him. Sue.
It took all the strength he had to turn around and not tell her what had been happening. When anything happened and he was in school, his first instinct was to tell Sue. It had been that way because of the Karofsky situation.
He mustered up a smile as hers fell. Normally, she wouldn’t have really gave a thought to it, but she knew the way his life had played out.
“Aren’t you supposed to be in New York? Maybe belting out the gayest show-tune that city has ever heard, and thats a high bar, to a crowd of people who meaningfully listen, their eyes all full of hope that one day they’ll get to do the same?”
He looked down, then at her. He picked at the loose string on his sweater and then decided it wasn’t equal enough so he did it on the other side as well.
“I don’t know. Maybe I wasn’t destined for New York after all. Maybe Broadway was a stupid pipe-dream and maybe you were right in trying to dissuade us from getting hurt by it.”
She frowned as well and pulled him in a hug. Only when she pulled away did Kurt see the guilt on her face.
He didn’t need anyone feeling sorry for him. He just wanted this feeling to please stop.
Sue shook her head. “Come on, I’ll make you tea, or coffee since you look like you haven’t slept in twelve days, with the new machine I got by tricking the entire staff and student body.”
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After Rachel had met up with Blaine and heard about he and Kurt’s break up, she decided she must find him. Even if it took getting to New York to do it.
Kurt was hurting, she knew. They had some sort of telepathy going on between the two of them.
It also had to do with the fact that she knew that none of her friends were in New York, and it turns out Blaine wasn’t either, so that means Kurt had been alone for six months.
She got home and immediately went to her dad. She still couldn’t believe they were getting a divorce, they seemed so happy before she left.
“Dad, I need you to call Burt and Carol and question them on the whereabouts of their son—”
“But Finn is..?—”
Rachel immediately cut him off before he could finish and send her into an even bigger spiral. “Kurt.”
She stormed up to her room to try looking for anything to sing. After doing Suddenly Seymour with Blaine, she felt.. lighter about singing.
She stopped in her tracks when she saw who was waiting on her bed, tears in his eyes.
“Hi, Rachel.” he whispered and she immediately went to hug him. It felt like they had both finally been able to breathe after so long.
“Kurt, what are you doing here? What about NYADA? New York? I would’ve come looking for you, you know, you didn’t have to come back here.”
He shook his head, “It’s okay, I’m doing the NYADA third year travel project.” he knew that she would’ve killed him if he dropped out. He missed that. He missed her.
“And you chose Lima?” she almost scoffed at the absurdity of having the whole world to choose to travel to and choosing.. this.
He bit his cheek.
“I didn’t have anywhere else to go.” he shrugged. it was true, he didn’t. He couldn’t have gone anywhere alone. Without Rachel, or even Blaine.
Rachel just looked worried. She hugged him tighter and kissed the side of his head full of hair that only seemed to grow more in the last time she saw him.
“Rachel, I showed up.” he sounded defeated, and she had been through the wringer as well, but he had a break-up to back up the fact that his friends all moved to different places and his best friend completely ghosted him.
She looked confused so he kept going.
“Remember we made that pact to come back? that same spot, same day. I was the only one who came.” his voice cracked on the last word and she had to stop herself from crying with him.
That was the thing with them. When one was happy, so was the other. When one was sad, both were sad. That’s how it worked.
“I lost Blaine. I lost you, I even lost Santana.”
The last part made them both crack up, and then apologise to each other as if somehow them laughing was the end of the world.
“I’m so sorry, Kurt. I know that what i did was selfish and—”
“Rachel, I don’t blame you?” he said, shaking his head. “The whole world was hunting you, I’d also go into hiding. I just wish you’d taken me with you.”
“I’m sorry. Look I just ran into Blaine and—” she got cut off again. It’s not like he meant to, and Rachel kind of cut herself off as well when she realised she had mentioned Blaine.
“You saw him? How is he?” Kurt wondered, like a kid full of hope. She winced.
“He seems to be in a better place about it. He misses you, you know? I mean, he didn’t tell me but you can tell a lot about a person by looking at their face expressions and mannerisms. He also asked me how you were.”
Kurt looked down in thought. Maybe he could—
“Okay, so maybe i can make things right again.” he thought out loud. Rachel put a hand on his.
“Do you think thats a good idea?” she shrugged. She thought it was, just maybe not now.
“Blaine’s the love of my life, Rachel. I can’t just leave it like this. It was my fault, I know. But i can’t stand this not talking to him.”
His face just said heartbroken. From then on, Rachel realised she’d do whatever it took to help. Even if it meant trapping them both in an elevator, causing them to miss a performance they weren’t even ready for because they changed the songs last minute.
Something else seemed to be bugging him. She tilted her head.
“What is it?” she asked softly.
“I just thought I’d be the person you wanted to see first when you came back.”
He knew he sounded desperate, which he never did, but he was so deprived of any kind of human contact these part few months that he really did feel that way.
He looked down and she put both hands on each side of his face to make him look at her.
“From now on, we do everything together, okay? Even if we have to face the whole world apart, let’s make a promise that we always have each other to come back to at the end of the day. Even if it is just to complain.”
She loved the boy sitting in front of her more than she’d love her brother, if she had one. Technically, you could say he was her brother. They certainly fought like siblings, and loved each other like siblings. Rachel literally couldn’t have asked for a better person to spend the rest of her life with.
Kurt just looked at her in adoration. He nodded and actually hugged her back this time. Arms around her neck and everything.
“Thank you, Rachel. I love you.” he sniffled into her shirt, running his hands through her hair because he knew she was also exhausted of having to put up with imbeciles these past 6 months and not having anyone to talk to about it.
“I love you too, Kurt. Always.”